Friday, June 24, 2011

A Fistful of Bad Teachers! (Brad's Picks)

Cameron Diaz's Bad Teacher looks like it could be some potty-mouthed fun, but if you're looking for some seriously BAD teachers than look no further than The Fistful below.

5.  Suzanne Stone Moretto (To Die For):  Oh man, poor Lydia, Russel, and Jimmy.  All those burnouts wanted was a little attention and what they got was a cobra desperate to strike.  Teach Suzanne wants nothing more in the world than to be a Weather Girl and when her husband shoots down that idea she seduces her three most losery kids into bumping him off.  Amazing what a little outdoor Sweet Home Alabama dancing can do.

4.  Tiger McDrew (Pretty Maids All In A Row):  If you think Mrs. Moretto is bad than you have never seen the sexual escapades of Rock Hudson's gym teacher.  Not only does he sleep and mustache bath his way through half the student body (i.e. all the young girls), he may also be the local serial killer.  Pretty Maids All In A Row is an awkward gem from the same mind that brought you TV's Star Trek.  Snatch it up from the Warner Archive.

3.  Sensei John Kreese (The Karate Kid I-III):  Martin Kove is absolutely terrifying as Cobra Kai Master Kreese.  NO MERCY!  SWEEP THE LEG!  I'm pretty sure if Pat Morita had never shown up than Kreese and his Johnny goons would have killed wimpy Ralph Macchio without a bead of sweat.

2. Nicole Horner, Christina Delassalle, and Michel Delassalle (Les Diabolique):  Now here is a real trilogy of Teacher Terror.  Ms. Delassalle is married to the abusive Principle Delassalle who is boinking the black-eyed Ms. Horner who is friendly with Ms. Delassalle.  French Relationships are weird.  Wife and Mistress conspire to bump off the rotten fish loving Headmaster and it all goes downhill from there.  Who suffers?  The children of course.

1.  John Kimble (Kindergarten Cop):  Seriously.  Party Pooper Detective John Kimble does not care one iota that he's putting a whole classroom in utter peril by posing as a substitute kindergarten teacher in an attempt to capture vile drug dealer Richard Tyson.  Not only can Arnie not keep the class in order or accept their anatomical outbursts, but he lets a simple fire drill climax in gunfire and ferret attacks.  Bad Teacher indeed.



  1. One of my favorites was Sam Kinison's crazed Vietnam vet in "Back To School".

  2. Yeah, I was just talking to someone the other day about his turn in Back To School, that's a great pick.