A Fistful of Fall Anticipation 2012! (Matt’s Picks)

    As we head into the end of the year, I’m filled with lukewarm feelings.  This has been such a disappointing year, I’m worried about what’s still to come.  Even this list was kind of a challenge to cobble together. I mean, I want to see all these films, but other than Skyfall, I can’t say that I’m really ‘anticipating’ any of them.  After all, my two other highly anticipated films this year (John Carter and Prometheus) were major disappointments.  I hope Skyfall doesn’t send this year out with a third strike.  Oh, man.  The Dorkies are gonna be rough this year.

5:  The Hobbit:  I love the Lord of the Rings movies.  Sin of sins, I think they improve on the books, taking all the good and leaving off the overindulgences of the novels.  And though I’m not generally a reader of fantasy, I do love a good film in the genre.  I think some of the reason this film isn’t higher on my list is that I’m not really worried about it.  It’s kind of a known quantity.  I know the story, I know the director, I know the director’s previous work on this same property.  I know what to expect, and I don’t see much reason to expect I won’t see just that.  I want to see it, but there’s not a lot of mystery.

4:  The Man with the Iron Fists:  I love me some crazy Kung Fu, and I know the RZA does, too.  So now that the Wu-Tang Clan alum has gotten his hands on just that, I’ll admit, I’m pretty jazzed.  I’m not really expecting much.  This ain’t gonna be Shakespeare.  But if there’s some wacky, over the top chop-socky, and it’s not dull, I’ll be happy.

3:  Resident Evil: Retribution:  Though all too many of her movies are boring crap, I’ve had a thing for Milla ever since The Fifth Element.  She’s still the only tiny little thing that turns out to be a crazy powerful killing machine that I like (sorry, Joss).    And I’ll come back to see one of these silly, horror/action movies ever couple of years for as long as she keeps making them.  What’s going on in this next one?  I see flashes of characters from previous films who are quite dead.  What’s up?  Can’t wait to find out.  And is that Milla army still out there?  I hope so!

2:  Looper:  I love some high concept science fiction.  This one looks like it goes over some familiar territory, but with a good cast and from a good director.  This has a lot of potential.  I’m hoping it’s this year’s Moon, but if it’s this year’s Source Code, I’ll be perfectly happy.

1:  Skyfall:  Blasphemy that it is, Casino Royale is probably my favorite Bond film, and I think Daniel Craig is my favorite Bond (at least, since From Russia With Love).  I loved Quantum of Solace, too.  So, a new Craig Bond film is pretty exciting.  Yes, they’re bringing back Q in this one (I gather), which I’m not super pleased by.  His scenes in the earlier films were usually just an excuse for puns and cheap laughs, and a way to bring in lots of silly gadgets.  That was an element of the original run I was very happy to do without, so I hope they don’t bring it back.

-Matt

A Fistful of Mad Scientists! (Matt’s Picks)

    With our viewing of Metropolis on the big screen this past Friday, we’re listing our favorite mad scientists. 

5.  Dr. Jonathan Gediman loves his work.  OK, maybe a bit too much.  But he seems like a swell fella.  “What a beautiful, beautiful butterfly.”

4.  Dr. Hans Zarkov knows the Earth is in danger, and he’s gonna save it.  Enlisting the aid of a blonde dolt and his screaming lady friend, Zarkov is off in his garage-built space ship to save the day.

3.  I’m not going to swear that Logan didn’t get his doctorate out of a cereal box, but he sure was on to something.  He brought the best out of Bub, and I think he might have actually succeeded in making the walking dead behave, if he’d had the chance. 

2.  Dr. Zaius may not embody my idea of good science, what with his position as ‘Defender of the Faith,’ but he is an orangutan.

1.  Dr. Clayton Forrester’s love of evil science and subjecting others to awful movies wins him a place in my lump of coal (replaced my heart in 1996).  When I finally get Evil Science Island off the ground, I hope I can reflect a little of his glory.  We stand on the shoulders of giants, after all. 

-Matt

A Fistful of Crank! (Matt’s Picks)

    In preparation of Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Brad and I decided to warm up with Crank and Crank 2.  Of course.  Why wouldn’t you?  Here are a few of my favorite moments.

5.  The Pleasant Motorcycle Ride.  Look, when you’re jacked up on coke, energy drinks, and epinephrine, on the run from the cops and wearing nothing but a hospital gown (and sporting an uncontrollable erection), sometimes you’ve got to enjoy the ride; smell the roses.

4.  Fighting the Man.  Chev has a few issues with authority.  Mostly, they keep getting in the way when he’s got hunting and killing to do.  “Oh, it’s on now!”

3.  Elevator Self Discovery.  In a pause before all kinds of hell, it’s good to take a moment, collect your thoughts, and learn something about yourself.  Chev learns something from the mystical old man…or is it just in his head?

2.  A Call to a Friend.  It’s good to have friends.  And when Chev needs a little help, a skeevy doctor is always willing to lend a little advice.  Even if you’re in a high speed chase trough a mall, you can always use a little help from your friends.

1. The Romance.  It’s not just one moment, but all the little things, from the pre-impact phone call to a strip club shoot-out.  Chev and Eve are a beautiful couple, not afraid to show their love to the world.

-Matt

A Fistful of Colors! (Matt’s Picks)

Lord of the Wolves!

    With The Grey coming out this week, we thought we’d take a look at some of our favorite color related films. 

5.  Ultraviolet:  Because, honestly, when am I ever going to get to use this movie on another list?

Don't even think about taking Milla's lap-desk.

4.  The Bride With White Hair:  A cool ghost story from China, this movie features some powerfully strange stuff.  The always intriguing Brigitte Lin is good as the titular Bride.

3.  Black Samson:  The man has a lion.  A lion!

2.  Yellowbeard:  He’s a great, tall man with a big…yellow beard.  And he’s never more dangerous than when he’s dead.  When he’s not raping and pillaging, he’s burying treasure and waxing philosophical.  Stagger…stagger…crawl…Stagger…roll…

1.  Foxy Brown:  This movie rivals my love of Coffy, and is probably my second favorite Pam Grier movie (after Coffy and before Jackie Brown).

-Matt

A Fistful of Cat-Suits! (Matt's Picks)

    Look, I’m just a hairless ape with delusions of civility.  Oh sure, I play at being classy.  But, while I try to put on the mask of Man, my core is still the Beast.  I’m not simple, but by the same token, I’m not especially complex.  I like women.  And I like ‘em sexy.  And one thing I’ve always found darned sexy is a nice cat-suit or jumpsuit.  I don’t know what it is.  Never really understood it.  But there it is.  Women pilots in a flight suits?  Cool.  April O’Neal in that yellow thing she had in the cartoon?  Awesome.  Heck, as a lad, I drooled over Troi on Next Gen all the time (before I realized how stupid, useless, and annoying she was).  And if I’d been 10 or if the show hadn’t been written by drunken chimps, I might have watched Voyager just for 7 of 9’s crazy silver getup.  So, after that awkward glimpse into my noggin, here’s a list of a few of my favorite ladies in cat-suits. 

5.  Liz Hurley as Vanessa Kensington in Austin Powers.  If I’m ever frozen for 30 or 40 years, thawed out, and told my longtime enemy needs killing, I hope cat-suited Liz Hurley is there to show me the way, engage in occasional wordplay, and put up with my periods of crass, old timey cultural confusion.

4.  Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft in Tomb Raider.  Back when Jolie still enjoyed eating (and didn’t look like a famine victim), she could sure fill out a costume.  Her sexy wetsuit makes me want to raid a few tombs…er…dig for treasure…um, I mean…have sex with her…if you know what I mean.

3.  Carrie Anne Moss as Trinity in The Matrix.  Maybe she’s not the most attractive woman.  But you throw her in head-to-toe leather or vinyl, have her do a couple acrobatic kicks, and blow something up behind her, suddenly Trinity becomes a violent action goddess.  Why do I doubt most lady hackers are up to this sort of business?

2.  Erin Gray as Wilma Deering in Buck Rogers.  Oh, man.  Young Matt was head over heels in love with this woman.  Every time I got the chance, I’d sit down and watch cool dude Gill Gerard get shot into the future where he could hang out with ultra-sexy Wilma and her amazing, form fitting uniforms.  I don’t know for sure if it was her or Wonder Woman who was my first crush.  But whatever the case, she’s had a lifelong effect on the wiring in my head for what I find attractive (read: smart, tough chicks in sexy uniforms).

1.  Dianna Rigg as Emma Peel in The Avengers.  Sweet momma, she makes the sleaziest costumes look classy.  Rigg had an amazing quality.  Somehow aloof in the most British of ways, yet seemingly willing to lower her standards enough for you to have a chance.  A dancer’s grace with a soldier’s strength and a philosopher’s mind.  All wrapped in leather and mysterious danger.  Hot.

-Matt

A Fistful of Vampires That Don't Sparkle! (Brad's Picks)

It's finally here!  The Twilight Saga:  Breaking Dawn Part 1!  Squeeeeeeeeeee!  Oh wait.  Those movies are bollix.  My wife read the four novels over the course of a weekend, really enjoyed them, and has dragged me nearly kicking and screaming (I don't throw up much of a fuss, no matter what the movie--I like all flicks even crappy sparkly ones) to each of the cheap adaptations.  The first film is shockingly amaturish, the second one nearly unwatchable, but the third film is what broke me.  Jacob ripping his shirt off at every moment, Edward sneery staring in every frame.  Yeah, I'm ready for Blade to take these mopes out.

Anyway, to celebrate--or bemoan as the case may be--the release of Breaking Dawn Part 1 (thanks Harry Potter for introducing this exciting new money grabber tradition) this weekend, we here at ITMOD are giving you our picks for the Best Non Sparkly vamps.  Personally, I like my vampires to be as monstrous as possible with as little romantic pining as possible.

5.  Peter Loew (Vampire's Kiss):  Okay what's a Fistful Friday without the inclusion of Nicolas Cage.  Vampire's Kiss is one of the most weirdo vampire flicks out there.  But don't take my word for it, just watch the below clip of Cage's Vampire freakout.

4.  Mircalla (The Vampire Lovers):  Possibly my favorite film from Hammer Studios, The Vampire Lovers follows the beautiful Ingrid Pitt as she seduces one young girl after the other.  But she finally meets her match after turning the daughter of Peter Cushing's mad General, who delivers one of his most hate-filled performances.  Blood & Boobs abound.

3.  Nomak (Blade II):  I really could not stand the original Blade.  But once Guillermo Del Toro got his hands around the Marvel property, he brought the monster back to the creature emo kids have pretty much ruined.  Gone are the open shirts and pale pasty skin.  In are giant, splitting vagina mouths springing venomous stingers into their victims throats--he doesn't just sip, he drinks--devours his victims. Nomak and his Reaper brethren want nothing to do with hipster soundtracks.  Their rats and they're treated as such.

2.  Dracula (The Monster Squad):  There are so many great Draculas in cinema and it might seem blasphemous to go with The Monster Squad version over say, Bela Lugosi or even Christopher Lee but I gotta express my love for Duncan Regher's incarnation.  This Dracula can suck your blood, he can turn your women into his Brides, but why do those tired actions when you can just punch a cop in the face, or break his neck, or toss a stick of dynamite under his car.  And yeah, blow up your super secret treehouse.  The Dracula from The Monster Squad will mess you up, not just nibble yer neck.

1.  Jesus Gris (Cronos):  Another Guillermo Del Toro Pick!  Federico Luppi is not your typical bloodsucker.  No fangs.  No aversion to garlic.  But after he's stung by the ancient Cronos device he develops a nasty skin condition and an uncontrollable thirst for blood.  Nosebleeds have never been so much fun.  But seriously, Cronos is one of the most sympathetic looks at the vampire condition and its the only film on the list to bring genuine tears to my eyes.  And if you don't already own the Criterion blu ray than do yourself a favor.  An absolutely fantastic commentary track from Del Toro and a tour of his Bleak House, a treasure trove of dorkdom.

--Brad

A Fistful of Monsters! (Brad's Picks)

Okay, Halloween is practically upon us.  I've been watching at least one horror film a day for the last 29 days.  I've seen a lot of monsters.  But how can you possibly pick just five...it's a tough task we've given ourselves here at ITMOD.  And after several days of careful debate, this is what I've come up with...again, the choices seem sorta obvious--I would have loved to have pulled from left field with The Green Slime or The Sun Demon, but I gotta go with my heart and my heart says...

5.  The Gremlin (Twilight Zone: The Movie):  I love, love, love the original "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" episode of The Twilight Zone--how could I not being the mad Shatner fan that I am--but I gotta admit that the creature design on George Miller's theatrical short definitely surpasses the fluffy mushface tv version.  I believe every ounce of John Lithgow's sweaty fear cuz that slippery beast on the wing of the plane is absolutely freaking terrifying.

4.  The Xenomorph (Alien):  The first movie monster to really scare the hell outta me as a kid, there is just something primevally scary about HR Giger's Alien design.  Sure, the chestburster stuff is terrifying and gross but it's that moment where Tom Skerritt meats the bugger in the vent that will crawling all over the couch.  The Alien terrorized Ripley for three more films but it's that first slasher film that I just can't shake.

3.  The Werewolf (An American Werewolf in London):  The Wolf Man is my favorite of the original Universal Monster movies, and I love John Landis' love letter to Lon Chaney Jr...so much so that I think it easily surpasses the original  film.  There's a lot of humor to be had in An American Werewolf In London, but it's the  tragedy of David that ultimately seals the deal for me...Jenny Agutter crying in the alleyway, it's just brutally sad.  And Rick Baker's Werewolf design, yeah the transformation is utterly amazing but I love the big beastie too.  Just a big damn wolf munching on Piccadilly Porno patrons.

2.  The Thing (The Thing):  Whether you're asking me about my favorite horror movies or my favorite movies in general, I'm going to keep bringing up John Carpenter's The Thing over and over and over again.  1.  Rob Bottin's effects in this film have yet to be matched and they are out-of-this-world gross.  2.  The paranoia and tension produced by the existence of such a creature is endlessly fascinating.  3.  The Thing is not just one monster its an infinite collection of monsters.  Just freaking terrifying.  And of course, it's isolation setting only adds to the creep factor as well as the sense of desperation.

1.  King Kong (King Kong):  King Kong is the King of Monsters, anyone who says differently just doesn't know what they're talking about--The 8th Wonder of the World!  Personally, I grew up on the hindsight is 20/20, absolutely terrible Jeff Bridges version but in college I eventually discovered the '33 Kong and realized the true beauty of the beast.  He's a brute you can root for, whether he's cracking T-Rex skulls or absorbing machine gun fire atop the Empire State Building.  I Heart You, King Kong.  Maybe, next time you'll reign supreme over man.

--Brad

A Fistful of Slasher Sequels! (Brad's Picks)

We're 17 days into October and I've kept up with my promise to watch one horror flick a day (I'm at 23 films so far), but I have yet to delve into any of the iconic slasher films.  And I'm not so sure I'm going to either.  Really did all those last year, and to be honest, I'm not a super fan for the Jasons and Leatherfaces out there.  Those flicks have their moments but I also tend to like the really weird entries in those franchises rather than the originals.  Example:

5.  Psycho II:  This film was kinda doomed from the start.  HOW DARE YOU! do a sequel to the granddaddy of all slasher films!  And yeah, it's not as good as Hitch's original.  But, I think Anthony Perkins gives a damn good performance as the recently released Norman Bates and the script does a bang up job of sticking you inside Norman's sad, twisted brain.  The gore gets kicked up a bit and there are some decent scares.  Worth a second watch for all you haters out there.

4.  Texas Chainsaw Massacre The Next Generation:  Okay, this is a terrible film.  A terrible film.  But dammit, I just love Matthew McConaughey's ridiculous hitchhiker character; he cranks it up to Spinal Tap 11 screaming and hollering and it's a damn hoot.  The stuff with the mechanical leg just cracks me up.

3.  Freddy's Dead  The Final Nightmare:  This was the first Nightmare on Elm Street movie that I ever saw.  And that's probably why it's on this list.  I loved Freddy from the moment he strapped on the Power Glove and innagaddadavidaed Breckin Meyer to his demise.  And it's in 3D (partially) and we all love that now right?!?!?!

2.  Jason X: This is the movie that taught me how to love bad movies.  Saw it 5 times in the theater, no joke.  10 films into the franchise, but the second film under New Line's watch.  Some bright executive finally came to the idea of launching everyone's favorite goalie into space.  Utterly silly, but totally enjoyable.  The Holodeck slutty camp counselors is classic, but you also gotta love KM's android asskicker and her replaceable nipples.  Dig this upgrade and if you gave me the keys to the kingdom I would easily write Jason X Part II (which they actually did with a couple of whacked novelizations)

1.  Halloween III Season of the Witch:  I enjoy John Carpenter's first film, but Michael Myers is easily my least favorite of the slashers.  He's got a white mask, he tilts his head, he stabs things.  Okay, Jason's the same way but at least the Friday films are so damn tounge in cheek whereas the Halloweens take themselves soooo seriously and are absolutely stale by the second film.  I really, really, really wish that Halloween III had been a success cuz this could have been a rather interesting anthology series instead of same ol' same ol' year after year.  If you want to read why Halloween III is so much fun than you should jump on over to cineAWESOME! and read my Tom Atkins double feature.

--Brad

A Fistful of Horrific Death! (Brad's Picks)

For the month of October, we here at ITMOD are going to be dishing out Horror themed Fistful Fridays (yes, I know it's Moday.  We're gonna get back on schedule here).  First up, we're celebrating our favorite Horror Film Deaths.  And as much as I would love to show off some obscure selections I gotta be honest and go with the classics.


5.  The Head Pop (Scanners):  Stare into the void that is the gif below, gaze upon it's beauty.  Gross.  Scanners may be far from my favorite Cronenberg flick (Videodrome!  The Fly!  Eastern Promises!  So hard to choose) but you gotta bow down to that Head Pop gore effect.  Go Ironside Go!

4.  The Splinter (Zombie):  This pseudo-sequel to Dawn of the Dead was my first incursion into the brutality of Italian Giallo and I was never quite the same.  But to choose one death from this gore fest is quite tough; I had to fight the dramatic urge to choose the infamous Zombie vs. Shark sequence.  But The Splinter bit is easily the most (honestly) terrifying moment from the film.  Suspense stretched to ridiculous lengths as one of the island zombies slllllllooooooooowwwwwwwwwlllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyy drags the unfortunate maiden to her splintery doom.  Fulci definitely separates the men from the boys.

3.  The Chestburster (Alien):  Forget Rosemary's Baby, the scariest birth in cinematic history belongs to the Xenomorph bursting forth from Space Trucker Cain's chest as the crew of the Nostromo attempt to chow down on their evening meal.  I wish I could experience this for the first time every time.  I originally saw this flick when I was 11 or 12.  It was traumatizing.  Scary, scary, scary.  But it was also AWEsome.  Having now seen the film 50 times or so the AWE has dwindled a touch, but the effect is still astonishing and quite unsettling 

2.  The Jaws of Death (Jaws):  Robert Shaw's Quint has seen and survived the horrors of war, and he's developed quite a chip on his shoulder as a result.  But when he comes face to face with The Great White even the ultimate Man's Man will succumb to nature's Jaws of Death.  This was the first Death on Screen that really shook me up as a kid.  It was like watching my grandfather meet his teethy fate.  Hard to wrap my child's brain around such a horror.

1.  The Chest Mouth (The Thing):  My all time favorite straight-up, scary as hell Monster Movie.  And it's intro via Norris' not quite heat attack is still as effectively horrifying today as it was in 1982.  Rob Bottin's mastery of visual effects is the stuff of cinematic legend and deserves to be hung on a wall next to your favorite Picassos.  I'm thinking you're going to be seeing a lot of The Thing in these upcoming Fistful Fridays.  Prepare yourself.

--Brad