Brad's Week in Dork! (11/3/13-11/9/13)

Aren't women just the worst?  I spent most of this week wrapped in the shadowy pleasures of Film Noir and what I pulled away from these dark tales of woe is that a woman will most certainly be my undoing.  That's right, I'm watching you Wife!  Is that a revolver behind your back!?!?  Time to hide under the blankets.  Seriously though, I love watching saps get undone by dames.  Why is that?  I have no idea.  Some form of dominance I'm craving?  Gulp.  Don't like to psychoanalyze myself too much.  Whatever the case, Rita Hayworth can ruin my life anytime.

The Marvel Cinematic Universe continued this week as well.  Thor - The Dark World didn't take over my heart (RDJ still claims that real estate), but as we get deeper & deeper into the comic book mythos I find myself positively giddy for super heroes.  Since we all know what's coming down the pipe, Thor's mid credit tag was no real surprise, but it left me bewildered at the reality of next year's big summer movie.  Also, October might be over, but I'm plugging away at my Reverse-John-Carpenter-A-Thon with his greatest effort, The Thing.  I've seen it a million billion times, but I'm still wildly in awe of its power.  So yeah, maybe not the most packed Week in Dork, but I had a blast.  Need to get some reading done though.  Darwyn Cook's next Parker adaptation is almost here and I'm a few novels behind.

The Big Combo:  "Shoot yourself in the head, you'll make everything a lot simpler."  When Cornel Wilde's investigation into Richard Conte's numbers racket goes cold, he sets his sights on Conte's terrified girlfriend for some sleazy backstory evidence.  Wilde is a bit of a bore as the lead, but Conte's diabolical gangster is deliciously hateful and certainly makes this a must-see noir.  It doesn't hurt that Lee Van Cleef & Earl Holliman chew the scenery from the sidelines as a pair of hitman lovers quick to machine gun dames as they are to choke down salami sandwiches.  The climax apparently apes Casablanca, but it manages to strike a nerve all on its own.  Bullets, bastards, and fog.  Just what you've been craving.

Gilda:  "Women are funny little creatures."  I loved this movie.  Sure, it's a classic - you have to love it. It's one of those films that has lived in the pop culture consciousness for decades, but while the iconography of Rita Hayworth's hair flip appears over and over in critic's top ten lists, the details of the story are left unknown to the mass audience.  Gilda is a brutal, angry film that gleefully depicts the rage of a romance gone sour.  Glenn Ford finds a new life in George Macready's South American casino, but whatever happiness he has, is shattered when Macready's new bride reigns down some serious sexual terror.  I've loved a lot of Femme Fatales in my time (Gloria Graham, Barbara Stanwyck), but none are hotter or as mean-spirited as Rita Hayworth's dance hall moll.  I don't think I will ever really think of Gilda as a noir (the emotionally out-of-place climax stricken it from the genre), but the film has all the hallmark rat-a-tat dialog you come to expect, and it's delivered exceptionally between the battling sexes.

The Asphalt Jungle:  A solid heist flick directed by master filmmaker John Huston.  But if you compare this to The Maltese Falcon, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, or even The Man Who Would Be King than The Asphalt Jungle certainly feels like a lesser entry.  Sterling Hayden is a street level hood looking to make some extra scratch by falling in with a group of thugs committing crimes above their intellect.  It's your typical collection of baddies populated by character gems like Louis Calhern, Sam Jaffe, James Whitmore, Anthony Caruso, and even Special Guest Star Marilyn Monroe.  The scheme would have gone swimmingly if not for the typical double crosses and downright bad luck.  Good, not great.

Thor - The Dark World:  It seems like I'm one of the few folks out there in Internetland that really loved the hell out of the first Thor film - in fact, pre Avengers, I'd say Thor is my favorite of the Marvel Movies.  I love how small it is.  Chris Hemsworth's Asgardian navigating the absurdity of Middle America and falling in love with Natalie Portman's dogooder scientist.  I really appreciate the low stakes of the story.  The world does not necessarily hang in the balance like it does it most tentpole pictures.   But Marvel listens to its audience.  You want more Asgard, you get more Asgard.  Not enough Loki, here's a whole lotta Loki.  The Thor sequel is a lot of fun, but it's also fairly ordinary is this comic book landscape.  The villain is certainly the weakest aspect of the story - The Dark Elves want to bring about absolute darkness using something called The Aether & what ties does it have with The Infinity Gems????  None of that really matters, it's a rather weak McGuffin that puts the God of Thunder back on Earth and in the arms of Portman.  The Dark World offers more of the Nine Realms and hints at the goofier science-fiction that will hopefully dazzle us in next year's Guardians of the Galaxy.  This is a fun sci-fi fantasy adventure in the spirit of Krull.  Is it a Marvel Masterwork? No, but the beauty of their cinematic universe is that not every film has to be The Avengers.  Bring on the talking trees and rocket raccoons.

The Thing:  "It's weird and pissed off, whatever it is."  I watch this film at least once a year, and will mostly likely do so until the day I die.  It is absolutely my favorite monster movie, and still ranks as my third favorite film of all time.  A shapeshifting E.T. is awoken from a centuries long slumber by a group of half-baked & totally cracked pirate scientists morally led by Kurt Russell's helicopter badass.  Half the film's fun certainly comes from Rob Bottin's still stunning makeup effects, but this film deserves its place among the All Time Greats because of the terrifying paranoia carefully cooked by filmmaker John Carpenter.  I can forgive a thousand Ghosts of Mars thanks to to power evoked by this not-so-simple monster mash.

The Visitor:  "Aren't you a cripple molester?"  Yep.  This is a weird flick.  And in that weird way only the Italians can produce.  I dare you to watch the Alamo Drafthouse trailer and tell me differently.  The film has something to do with an evil alien child, her mother, an evil cult led by Mel Ferar, and a good cult led by Franco Nero.  John Huston's Jerzy is the heroic babysitter of the piece while Lance Henriksen is the demonic stepfather commanding a murder of pigeons.  Glenn Ford stops by for a couple of scenes as a doomed detective, and Sam Peckinpah lends his face, but not his voice as the abortionist ex-husband.  The plot is secondary, but that's what you want when the visuals are so beautifully absurd.  What's it all about?  Who cares?  The style is the substance.  And I need this on blu ray now.

The Misfits:  "If it wasn't for all the nervous people in the world, we'd still all be eating each other."  The final film for both Clark Gable & Marilyn Monroe, Arthur Miller's The Misfits as realized by John Huston is Film Noir smashed into the dying Western that's preparing for the modern morality of the 1960s.  Monroe is a seemingly naive divorcee but reveals that Femme Fatale heart as she storms through the lives of Gable, Eli Wallach, and Montgomery Clift.  This trilogy of man is a real sorry lot, a group of studs desperately trying to stay outta wages and hold on to their irrelevant cowboy lifestyle.  At times, Monroe's performance borders on the shrill (please stop screaming), but more often than not she proves an actual talent and not just that pretty face from The Seven Year Itch.  I imagine, if given the opportunity, Monroe could have matured into a bevy of meaty roles.  Again, similar to Gilda, The Misfits feels like a story that wanted to take you down a much darker path than its actual conclusion allows.  The venom being fired from the characters is just too dang heated to result in a "happy" ending.

The Central Park Five:  I don't even know where to begin.  This doc will set your blood to boil.  In 1989 five black youths were arrested, bullied into five separate & wildly different confessions, and convicted of the rape of a young New York jogger.  It took 13 years for the truth to finally be revealed, but by that time lives had already been ruined.  Who do you blame?  The cops?  Certainly.  The Media?  Yeah, them too.  Mayor Ed Koch?  Yep, F that guy.  To hear Koch openly dismiss the concept of "Innocent Until Proven Guilty" on the air is mind numbingly enraging.  I'd love to think that something like this couldn't happen today, but you know that's a falsity.  The Central Park Five is a great reminder of the casual evil committed by us all every time we nod our heads to the nightly news.

--Brad

A Fistful of Underappreciated Horror! (Matt’s Picks)

    With October in full effect, it’s time to celebrate the Horror genre once again.  We’ve talked a lot about the classics of Horror, established masterpieces like The Thing, Night of the Living Dead, Glitter, etc.  So, this time around, we’re going to look at those Horror films that don’t get the love they deserve.

5.  Dust Devil:  There are two key versions of this film, one of which is frustratingly unavailable.  The original theatrical cut of the film is good, but only the ‘director’s cut’ has been put out on DVD.  Either way, there’s a strange, haunting vibe to the film.  A quest across southern Africa, a mysterious spirit traveler who seduces lost souls, an emotionally broken old cop.  Very moody, and very atmospheric.  Unfortunately, it’s director Richard Stanley’s only good work.

4.  The Stuff:  Larry Cohen made this ultra-80s wackado study of American consumerism and fad.  When a white goo bubbles up from underground, it becomes the new snack sensation.  But the snack has something else in mind.  Like a Lovecraft story, filtered through the neon soaked underworld of early 80s discontent.  Conspiracy, commercialism, survivalists, and sweaty palms.

3.  Monsters:  Nobody saw this low budget kaiju movie when it came out in 2010, and that’s really too bad.  Here’s hoping next year’s release of Godzilla will inspire folks to see director Gareth Edward’s first movie.  After a space probe crashes to Earth in Mexico, bringing with it an alien corruption, walls are built and the whole area becomes a no-man’s land.  A young socialite and a photographer need to get back to the States in a hurry, but things are falling apart.  A journey across Mexico is harrowing and educational.  The movie was shot on a very low budget, yet ends up being more effective than many big budget blockbusters.

2.  The Ninth Gate:  When I first saw this film, I wasn’t into it.  It seemed kind of goofy, a bit slow, what the heck was that ending?  For some reason, I sat down and watched it again one day.  And it was weird, but I really, really liked it.  The music, the look, the characters, and the scenes of journeying across Europe were all fascinating.  When I had the chance, I bought the DVD, listened to the commentary, and went on to read the novel it was based (loosely) on, and somehow, it became a favorite film of mine.  It was also when I realized I was a Johnny Depp fan.  Now, I can pop this movie in any time and enjoy the heck out of it.

1.  Lifeforce:  It starts as a space exploration film.  It becomes an alien invasion film.  And then it becomes an apocalyptic zombie film.  And it is one of the very few vampire films that doesn’t …hem…suck.  A great cast of UK character actors and a sprawling story help make a film that feels like the best of classic Hammer, specifically the Quatermass films.  The movie was not well received and has never seemed to pick up a particularly large audience, and that’s too bad.

    Looking back over this list, I can’t say I’m surprised at all that all five of these films share aspects of Lovecraft’s work and the work of his fellows.

-Matt

Two More Fistfuls of Favorites! (Matt’s Picks)

    In the Spring of 2012, as Brad and I were still riding high on 2011’s great movies, we got all mushy, and put together our lists of all time favorite films.  Of course there were classics like Jaws and Commando, but there were also some odd choices.  What do you expect from two Dorks like us, who hope with shivering anticipation that the Saw franchise comes back (Saw X needs to be in SPACE!!!) and that there will be a Crank Meets Transporter prequel set in the Wild West?

    Anyway, Brad got to thinking we should do another list, but this time doing our next round of favorites.   Our 11-20.  Cool.  I like making lists (like Liam Neeson).  If you’re so inclined, take a look back at my top 10 films, and here are my next ten favorites:

20.  Howard the Duck:  This movie takes all kinds of guff from every which way (including loose).  But, as I’ve said before, F the haters.  I absolutely love this film.  Lea Thompson is adorable, Howard balances charm and snark.  And I just love the whole look and feel of the film.  You can’t watch it with even an ounce of cynicism.  I know people hate it.  And I don’t think I can come up with an argument for the film that equates to much more than “Oh, come on! It’s awesome, man.”  Because it is.

19.  Forbidden Planet:  What was happening in science fiction literature for decades finally got screentime in this classic science fiction retelling of The Tempest that would pave the way for galaxy adventures like Star Trek and Star Wars.  Postulating a future where it wasn’t just about getting to space, and maybe, just maybe landing on another planet, Forbidden Planet takes us to a time when Humanity has reached out to the stars and established an interstellar civilization.  Amazing special effects, crazy experimental music, and great characters.  A watershed moment in science fiction cinema.

18.  The City of Lost Children:  Jean-Pierre Jeunet and Marc Caro raided my dreams and came up with this amazing visual feast of chronologically untethered retro-fantasy.  A circus strongman and an orphan thief search the tumbling labyrinth of girders and rust that makes up the city, looking for a young boy who just wants a snack…well, all the snacks.  Along the way, they meet and battle an impressive cast of strange and deviant folk.  Religious zealots, clones, brains in fish tanks, and the Octopus.  It’s beautiful and strange, and it’s wonderful.

17.  The Thing:  It’s hard not to just gush about this movie.  Almost as hard as it was for the thing not to gush out of that Petri dish when exposed to heat.  It may be a ‘perfect film.’  Not only is it intensely unnerving, beautifully shot, and bloody intense.  But it also has great music, excellent effects, and a crackerjack script.  It does what too few horror movies do, and makes a large cast of interesting and endearing characters I find myself caring for.  When one is hurt or dies or turns into a giant mouth that bites someone’s arms off, I’m bummed out.  When that one guy is a little upset that he has had to go through a major ordeal while TIED TO THAT F*&#ING COUCH, it’s funny in a sad sort of way.  And then there’s the ending.

16.  Metropolis:  When all I had seen was the hacked up, 90ish minute version of this film, it was one of my favorites.  Now that I’ve seen the complete (99.9%) version, it’s so much more.  The story transcends time, the set design is gorgeous, and world created remains a tremendous achievement.  The head and the hand must work together.

15.  Streets of Fire:  The 80s and the 50s come together in a rock fueled fantasy world of the city and the streets.  Back from The War, a young man comes to the aid of his sister.  It seems his old flame, a messianic rocker-girl, has been kidnapped by the demonic leader of a motorcycle gang.  Assembling a crew, he has to go into hell to bring her back.  The movie is so 80s you need to wear legwarmers while watching it (that’s a law), and like a lot of movies I love, you have to check your cynicism at the door.  As it says at the beginning, it’s a Rock & Role Fable.  Plus, it’s got the best hammer fight ever.

14.  Conan the Barbarian:  Arnold’s best movie, and the only attempt at adapting Robert E. Howard’s classic Conan stories that got anything at all correct.  With one of the all time great movie scores, top notch, old-Hollywood production design, and so much awesome violence, Conan the Barbarian isn’t just one of the best fantasy films ever made…it’s one of the best films.  Take that, Annie Hall.

13.  Touch of Evil:  Citizen Kane really is a great film.  I do not begrudge its place on many ‘best movie ever’ lists.  But my favorite Orson Welles film is still Touch of Evil.  Heston is great, Welles is disgusting.  The women are fascinating.  The hoodlums are horrible.  Dennis Weaver is shooting his Norman Bates all over the place.  There’s that tremendous single-take scene that opens the film.  So good.

12.  Lost Highway:  “Who the hell owns that dog, anyway?”  This is my David Lynch.  It was the first Lynch film I saw on the big screen.  It led me to read Barry Gifford.  The soundtrack is amazing.  It has one great scene after another, one quotable line after another.  And it’s seriously weird.  Years later, I still can’t tell you quite what it’s about, or quite what happened.  You want me to draw a timeline?  Timespiral?  I got nothing.

11.  Logan’s Run:  “You don’t have to die.  You can LIVE!”  Utopia is running down, the system is less than perfect.  But for a society of pretty young things, everything seems A-OK.  Except for those few who donn’t want to ‘renew,’ who want to ask questions.  What starts as an undercover mystery turns into an odyssey.  I love every moment of this film, except for the awful Farrah Fawcett, who has never been worse.  The film has a magic so many are lacking.  Something more than the sum of its parts.

(See 1-10 here and 21-30 here).

-Matt

Dork Art: 80s Heroes

Artist Guillaume Singelin tackles classic 80s Heroes as brought to us by the twisted brains of John Carpenter, Ridley Scott, & James Cameron.  There is certainly a lot of manga influence here, but I also see a hefty bit of Dr. Seuss as well.  And the coloring feels like a Dan Hipp drawing.  Whatever the case, I dig em.

--Brad

Dork Art: Randy Ortiz's The Thing

We're too little too late on this one.  Randy Oritz's Mondo Thing print went on sale yesterday and sold out in the typical seconds.  So we'll  either have to hit ebay and spend far too much damn money, or just enjoy the jpeg.  It's a real beauty, and I'm always pleased to see artists put their own spin on my favorite Carpenter flick.  I'm real dang sad that DC didn't get it's Alamo until this year, cuz I would have loved to have seen The Thing on the big screen as it was part of last year's Summer of 82.  Oh well, I'm sure I'll check it off my big screen bucket list some day.

--Brad

Dork Art: Mike Mitchell's Mondo Portrait Gallery

A few days ago I posted my Week in Dork with a header image provided by Mike Mitchell's Django Unchained portrait.  It's a striking piece of art that's only just a portion of the Mondo Gallery show currently on exhibit in Austin, Texas.  Ah, to live in that hipster paradise....sigh.  I can only hope that some of these appear as prints at this year's SPX cuz I desperately want to put the above Dredd shot in my bathroom.  Why, the bathroom?  Not sure, exactly.  Above the toilet, keeping watch, disapproving Karl Urban.  Just seems right.

--Brad