Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Dork Art: The Three Amigos

Found via Fuck Yeah Movie Posters, it's better late than never to jump on the Three Amigos bandwagon.  A staple of my youth, it seems like this film is looked upon pretty darn fondly these days.  I remember as a kid how much critical hate it received.  If you haven't already, you should totally pick up the new blu disc.  And as you watch the film you can follow Matt Owen's instruction manuel.  Genius.


Elijah Wood is MANIAC!

Geek Tyrant has posted some set photos from the upcoming remake of Maniac starring Elijah Wood.  Man, I can't believer they're remaking Maniac AND I CAN'T BELIEVE ELIJAH WOOD IS IN THE JOE SPINELL ROLL!?!?!?!?  What is this new movie going to be like?  When I first discovered splattery horror films in high school, Maniac was one of the first flicks to truly bother me.  As a High Schooler you don't want to admit that anything gets to you and I would watch Maniac with my friends and put on a brave pizza face.  But Maniac messed me up.  Spinell is scary as all hell.  And Tom Savini's gore effects are top notch gross.  It's the type of movie I don't really have room for in my brain any more and I probably have no space for this new one.  Curious to see a trailer, but I don't think this is gonna be on 2012's Must See list.


New Release Tuesday (11/29/11)!!!

Wow!  This might be the weakest New Release Tuesday of the entire year.  There is not one film I'm really interested in purchasing, but who knows?  Maybe there are some of 2011's top contenders down there on this week's....


TUCKER & DALE VS EVIL:  Making the rounds at cons and other dork meetups, Tucker & Dale has been on this tips of tongues for what seems like years.  The trailer doesn't really knock my socks off, but how can you not love Alan Tudyk?  So I've got it on the Netflix queue and it's probably the movie this week that I look forward to viewing the most.  Horror Comedy is soooooooooo hard to pull off but my fingers are crossed.  If it's as fifth as funny as Evil Dead 2 than I'll be happy.

CAVE OF FORGOTTEN DREAMS:  I'm mad about Werner Herzog.  The man has made some of my favorite movies, including the recent crown jewel in Nicolas Cage's crown The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans (see, you thought I was gonna name check Fitzcaraldo didn't ya?).  But I'm pretty much a Herzog Documentary Virgin.  Sure, I've seen Grizzly Man and I thought that was okay....but what I've really enjoyed are the mad man interviews I've been listening to surrounding this film and the more recent Into The Abyss.  Wish I'd seen Cave in the theater for that 3D experience but what ya gonna do.

30 MINUTES OR LESS:  I was shocked at how much I enjoyed Zombieland.  I thought it was going to be a cheap, American wannabe Shaun of the Dead but what I got was another zombie comedy with real value.  Sure, it still can't hold the Cornetto of Shuan of the Dead.  Now, Ruben Fleischer's follow up 30 Minutes of Less appears to be a little more of a conventional situational comedy.  And the idea of taking the disturbing true story of the pizza guy who actually exploded via a dynamite vest and turning it into a Danny McBride pottymouthfest....well, that sorta rubs me the wrong way.

ANOTHER EARTH:  I love Fringe.  It's one of the few shows currently on Television that I give a damn about.  And this seems like a pretentious take on that show's sci-fi shenanigans.  I'm down.

HORROR EXPRESS (BLU):  This is one of those films that for whatever reason I've never seen.  It seems like at some point in my life I should have been all over this flick.  Christopher Lee & Peter Cushing vs The Missing Link running amok on a steam engine locomotive!?!?!  I'm told via my buddies over at The Daily Grindhouse that this is seriously worth checking out.  Part of me just wants to snatch up the Blu but I'm watching my pennies at the moment.

THE FUTURE:  I know nothing about this film.  I still haven't seen a trailer and I don't have a clue what the plot is.  But Miranda July's last film, Me & You & Everyone Else was one of those indie darlings that completely struck a chord with me; the way those characters met and interacted with each other--I just fell in love with them.  And I want to experience that again.

CHILLERAMA:  Yeah, this is probably going to be a disappointment.  I've heard varying opinions about the film, but I can count on one hand the anthology films that are actually worth a damn.  And even though that poster is kinda cool, the below trailer gets my eyes squinty cuz it looks Direct to DVD cheap and more awkward than interesting.  But I'm a hopeful dork and I want so desperately to see more and more anthology films.

OUR IDIOT BROTHER:  I just keep forcing Paul Rudd upon myself.  I like the guy, even though I really haven't loved anyone of his post 40 Year Old Virgin films...but The Shape of Things is one of the best, traumatic cinematic experiences I've ever had!  Seriously, the climax of that film messed me up for a good long time.  It's been eight years and I haven't been able to watch that film for a second time, but dammit I think about it all the time.


THE SMURFS:  Part of me is curious...NO!  Resist!  The film looks so damn terrible.  Even NPH can't save this film, right?  And I don't need to know who my Papi is!

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS:  This past week I've been spending a lot of time at the AMC theater.  And before each movie they've played a behind the scenes special on this film.  I want to punch Timberlake in the face now and I like the guy!  But look at that poster!  What an ass!  And Mila Kunis has never been funny. These sex friendship comedies are disgustingly annoying and no matter how much Woody Harrelson you stuff in them will get me to punch play.


Monday, November 28, 2011

Poster: John Carter

Here's the latest poster for John Carter.  And I soooooo don't like it.  It's not the worst poster in the world, in fact, I like it better than the last one--but this is just boring.  And if Disney doesn't kick up their marketing, this film is not going to find an audience and it's gonna bomb big.


Brad's Week In Dork! (11/20-11/26)

I watched a bunch of movies.  The end.  Seriously, I don't even know how I cranked in as many films as I did since it felt like I lived at my dayjob all week long.  It helps having an AMC megaplex next to my work, and I kept popping inside to escape the Black Friday pepper spray terror and sooth my frantic mind.


A Very Haorld & Kumar 3D Christmas:  Probably some of the most fun 3Dsploitation I've seen in a while (I'm getting tired of the oh-so-serious James Cameron approach to the gimmick--Bring Back JAWS 3D!!!), A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas is a solid sequel to the buddy stoner franchise and proves that John Cho & Kal Penn still have that silly/stupid chemistry discovered in the original film. That being said, the laughs are chuckles at best and the film made for a better trailer than it did movie.  And as always, more NPH please.

Iron Man:  I love Tony Stark! Correction, I love Robert Downey Jr's Tony Stark. We might not have known it at the time (how could we, who outside of the comic shop longboxes really gave a rat's tail about Iron Man before 2008?), but Tony Stark was the character we were all craving for Downey to sink his trainwrecked teeth into. The man captures Stark's ego, his super ego, and his SUPER SUPER EGO perfectly and you love him for it! He's just so bloody charming! But what of the rest of the film? It's not bad. It's pretty good. But it's a rather basic origin story. And Jeff Bridges, who I generally love and even think looks kinda badass here as well, his baddie is rather boring. And the mech on mech climax is just as boring. Still, Robert Downey Jr. is awesome and he's all you need to put butts in the seat.

The Incredible Hulk:  Call me crazy, but I love Ang Lee's Shakespearean take on HULK. And I think it's far superior to the Marvel Studios version. That being said, Ed Norton is a great Bill Bixby Banner. Even Tim Roth makes for a fine Abomination and I love their "Hulk Smash" final smackdown.  Even William Hurt is a decent General Ross. But I'm definitely not a fan of Liv Tyler's Betty and the film nearly drags to a halt at the halfway point. A solid leadup to next year's Avengers madness, but it's easily my least favorite entry in the new Marvel saga.

Iron Man II:  "I am Iron Man." With this climactic bit of narcissism from the last film, Tony Stark propels himself down a rabbit hole lined with booze, debauchery, and self-hate. But don't worry, nobody can make you love an a-hole like Robert Downey Jr. And there's lots of mythology building occurring (maybe too much). Sam Rockwell's anti-Stark, Justin Hammer nearly steals the show with his Snidely Whiplash grimaces, his frustrated hand wringing, and back-stabbing rage. His partner-in-war crime, Mickey Rourke is UGLY, tattered, and pumped with evil genius Super Hate. The Avengers Initiative franchise gets closer to reality with S.H.I.E.L.D's Clark Gregg and one eye badass Samuel L. Jackson sneaking around the fringes. Really, the only bits that don't quite work are Don Cheadle's War Machine who surprisingly seems to channel Terrance Howard's original crap acting. And ScarJo is dull, dull, dull as the Black Widow; she's given one thigh crushing action scene toward the end, but she feels completely pointless within the meandering narrative. Still, this is a solid Summer Blockbuster sequel. And I just LOVE Robert Downey Jr's ego-nightmare Stark.

Thor:  Just completed my third viewing of the film and I'm still amazed that Marvel was able to make a decent flick outta Marvel's whack-o comic book take on Norse mythology. Chris Hemsworth is amazing as Thor, and I don't think I'll ever be able to think of the character again without seeing his cocky, grinning mug. The film is more comedic than any of the other Marvel Studios flicks and I think that was necessary to sell the character; the fish-outta-water New Mexico stuff is a riot and even though I would have enjoyed more of Asgard I'm happy with what we got. And yeah, the Destroyer/Loki fight climax is a bit of a whimper, but the Destroyer is still pretty badass. So yeah, maybe Thor was never the Avenger movie I was craving for but it's good enough.

Captain America The First Avenger:  After blitzing through 12 hours of Marvel Studios movies in one day, I can honestly say that Captain America: The First Avenger is my favorite of the bunch. Yes, the climax of the film wraps up far too neatly and the writers/producers drive to get the character into next Summer's Avengers blockbuster is incredibly forced--BUT! The first two thirds of the film, the birth of the Captain from good-hearted, scrawny Steve Rodgers is as beautiful as Super Hero stories get. Chris Evans is brilliant in the role. You fall for him. You're proud of him. And a lot of credit has to go to Stanley Tucci as Dr. Erskine; he finds the hero in the kid and reveals him to the audience. Just great. Hugo's Red Skull is fun but he's barely there -- as are the Howling Commandos. And there is at least one montage too many. But this is just a whole lotta Popcorn entertainment.

Immortals:  The Gods of Olympus tower over man; Zeus, in awe of one particular human, touches the growth of bastard slave Theseus wearing the face of John Hurt. Mickey Rourke's gargantuan barbarian King Hyperion marches towards world devastation. A clash of good vs. evil photographed with MTV enthusiasm, and splashed with plenty of CGI blood. I'm still not sure what to make of director Tarsem Singh, his Cell was a boring mess of serial killer banality, but The Fall showed great stylistic whimsy. And Immortals is a savage, but enthusiastic actioner take on Greek myths that would have totally made ten year old Brad lose his mind for the classics.

Spy Kids 4:  It's been a while, but I remember Robert Rodriguez's first two Spy Kids films having a serious dose of childish, somewhat farty intelligence. But this latest outing in the decade old franchise is a true embarrassment. I was pretty much lost from the opening scene; watching a full blown pregnant Jessica Alba zip lining through an action sequence as her water breaks...I'm just thankful I didn't attend one of those aroma-scope theatrical experiences. And the film is just NOT FUNNY! From Ricky Gervais talking, butt-bombing dog to Joel McHale's well-quaffed Spy Hunter--the jokes fall flat. Robert Rodriguez seriously needs to make a good movie, and soon.

12 Angry Men:  "Let me ask you something? Do you believe his story?" 12 Angry Men is a Great American Movie. A movie that we should watch every 4th of July. 12 jurors sit around a table, ready to condemn a man to the electric chair. One man, Henry Fonda's Juror #8, not ready to life sentence an 18 year old votes "Not Guilty" only to open the forum to debate. What follows is some of the most compelling arguments in cinema--there is more tension here than in fifty Michael Bay Blockbuster explosions. Sidney Lumet and his 12 actors just knock the play outta the park and I dare anyone to watch this film and not be deeply moved.

Modern Romance:  A very squirmy Albert Brooks comedy (is there any other kind?) depicting the tumultuous relationship between a Hollywood editor and his way-too-hot for him girlfriend. The script is excellent and incredibly engaging in the sense that every five seconds I'm shouting at the screen for this couple to "Break The Hell Up!" but at the end of the day even smart romantic (?) comedies hold very little appeal. My favorite segments of the film revolve around Brooks' day job, cutting scenes of a Cormanesque space picture starring George Kennedy and directed by Simpsons' guru James L Brooks.

Firecracker:  There are moments in Firecracker that make the film an absolute must-see for cheap karate genre die hards. The opening mustache man impaling. The creepy, weird slicing of clothes sex scene. The topless karate fight. The everyone is kung fu fighting reality--seriously, there are people in this film who have No Business knowing karate kicking some serious random ass. The eye socket attack climax. But there is also a lot of meh to wade through as well. And an hour and 23 minutes shouldn't feel this long.

The Muppets:  "Am I A Maaaaaaannnnnnn? Or Am I a Muppet?" Brothers Gary (Jason Segel) and Walter (voiced by Peter Linz) must eventually answer that question and their journey to revelation is a smorgasbord of joyous Jim Henson idol worship. I did not spend my childhood as a Muppet maniac (I was a casual observer of the show and the only previous film I had seen was Take Manhattan), but this latest entry in their saga is a true hoot. Yes, there's plenty of self-love on display, but the in-jokes play on their own as much as they nudge-nudge, wink wink. Kudos to Segel for his triple threat of producing, writing, and acting--the man got to the heart of the characters and made the audience embrace the rainbow connection.

Too Hot To Handle:  The third slot in the recent Shout Factory Roger Corman Cult Classics Lethal Ladies Collection (that's a lot to cram into the title), Too Hot To Handle is a fairly weak entry in the Naked Lady in the Philippines subgenre; Cheri Caffaro supplies plenty of T & A but she's unpleasantly harsh when she should simply be badass. There are some solid explosions, some entertainingly goofy assassinations, and lots and lots of split screens, but not enough make you give a damn.


Sunday, November 27, 2011

Matt’s Week in Dork! (11/20/11-11/26/11)

    Another week down.  This is the extra, extra busy season in my non-Dork life, so I haven’t been doing as much cool as I’d like.  I didn’t get much reading done.  Watched some movies while I was drifting in and out of sleep.

The Creature from the Black Lagoon:  Amazing creature design and costuming help make this film especially effective.  The creature can swim, attack, and stand in the light of day without betraying its costumed nature.  The story is cool, the cast does a fine job, and the music is over the top intense.  A must.  One of my favorite Beauty and the Beast variations.

Revenge of the Creature:  Kind of boring movie about the exploitation of the gillman, this time making him an exhibit at a fairly crass oceanarium.  At least the creature is still his underwater self.  And darn it, John Agar is creepy. 

The Creature Walks Among Us:  This kind of silly sequel deals with the gillman being force-evolved into a more land based being.  Though the real story is about a dysfunctional marriage falling apart, and the dangers of jealousy and emotional instability.  Gone is much of the power and class of the original.   

Immortals:  The gods must be crazy!  With his typical flare for impressive visuals, Tarsem brings the gods to life in this Greek myth inspired epic.  The cast is quite good and the action scenes impressive and surprisingly brutal (lots of heads explode).  It doesn’t always work, and it’s certainly not a perfect film.  But, it’s actually a lot better than I expected.  And like this year’s Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Freida Pinto was nearly as irritating as the trailer made her seem.  God Fight!!!

Spy Kids: All the Time in the World:  Turns out the Time Keeper is actually Robert Rodriguez and he just stole an hour and a half of my time.  There was a time when I’d have considered Rodriguez one of my favorite directors.  And yes, I even enjoyed his kid friendly movies.  But this film sucks from moment one, and it doesn’t let up.

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Devil Fish:  Craptastic Italian horror gets a solid drubbing from the boys in this episode.  Sadly, Pearl gets some screen time, so it’s not as good as it could be.  However, the movie is a riot and Mike and the Bots are on.  Before Sharktopus, there was Devil Fish!

What’s Up Nurse:  Moderately funny…no scratch that.  Occasionally slightly funny.  Pretty typical low brow cheeky British humor.  Not really worth the time it takes to watch.

Dracula:  An interesting, iconic, but ultimately not that great adaptation of Bram Stoker’s deffinative vampire novel.  One thing I noticed upon this viewing is that the films editing is extremely awkward and rough.  The acting is typical of the early days of sound (read: more like stage acting).  There are, of course, some impressive moments.  But taken by itself, it’s only an OK movie.

Dracula (Spanish):  Pretty much the same script (but in Spanish) as the Bela Lugosi version, this film works better in part because the editing and direction are far cleaner and effective.  The actors feel a bit more natural and the cinematography takes more advantage of the same sets as the Lugosi version.

Dracula’s Daughter:  An OK movie, I actually found it more interesting than the original Lugosi film. There’s not really all that much to it.  Everything happens exactly how you expect it will.  But, it’s well made and the cast does a pretty good job.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Season 3:  The show continues to remind me why I loved Star Wars for so long (while pointing out why that love was so sorely tested by the prequel trilogy).  It expands the universe, tells good tales, and revels in the nature of space opera.

The Muppets:  They’ve still got it.  Unlike a certain friend of mine, I did grow up loving the Muppets and all things Jim Henson (sadly, wasn’t able to watch Fraggle Rock until a couple years ago…though that may be for the best, as I think I appreciate it more as an adult than I would have as a child).  And this movie is a love letter to that wonderful time.  A look back on what made them great, and a wonderful way to bring them into the spotlight again.  I hope the movie makes many new fans, and it certainly should.  The script is spot on, the jokes fast and furious, and that wonderful mix of extreme cheese, elbow nudges, and real heart that have made the Muppets so enduring.  Not gonna lie, my lump of coal (I don’t have a heart) twitched more than once, and a couple of times I got a bit misty.

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Swamp Women/Swamp Diamonds:  A ‘holy crap!’ awful Roger Corman movie about some lady ex-cons looking for some diamonds, taking hostages, and fighting in swamp water.  Sounds good, right?  It’s not.  However, the boys have a lot of fun with it, as they usually do.  A solid episode, with plenty of good laughs.

    That’s about it.  Didn’t even listen to much music or anything.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Trailer: Bring Me The Head of Lance Henriksen

Is this old news?  I don't know.  I just discovered it about thirty seconds ago.  One Word:  Fascinating.


Dork Art: Soul Eaters

My current comic artist obsession, Francesco Francavilla just posted via his Twitter feed this beautifully disgusting image in honor of Thanksgiving eating.  His wife might think something is wrong with him, but I think he's a mad genius.  I want a giant art book of his stuff under my tree this Holiday.  Make it happen comicdom.


48 Years of Doctor Who

So, yesterday was the 48th anniversary of the debut of Doctor Who, one of my very favorite TV shows.  I first discovered the show while flipping channels as a boy.  I started with Robot, the first Tom Baker story, and I was hooked from that point on.  Like the original series of Star Trek, is had this amazing and strange sense of wonder and adventure, and often unchecked creativity.  With a limited budget, they told some over the top tales of other times and places that sparked my imagination like few others.

So, my hat's off to a great and venerable series.  It's had ups and downs over the years, with changing times, budgets, and technologies.  It dropped off many people's radar for many years, until it was relaunched 2005 to achieve more success than ever.



And check out the poll we've got over on the right hand side.  It'll be up for the next 6 days.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Dork Art: Black Friday Mondo

Yesterday, Mondo announced a creative partnership with DC Comics.  Their first collaboration is the above poster, The Fortress of Solitude by JC Richard.  Limited to 390 prints and costing $50 it will go on sale some time Black Friday.  It sure is a pretty one but I've never been one to plaster anything Superman in this apartment.  I'm curious to see what comes of this and I'd definitely be all for some Dark Knight Returns imagery.  Anyway, there's an article/interview about the partnership up over at Comic Book Resources that's worth checking out.

On their Blog, Mondo also announced another partnership--Cartoon Network.  Their first piece will be based on Adventure Time, whatever the hell that is.  The two posters below are from Mike Mitchell and are ten bucks cheaper at $40.

I've seen this spaghetti leg dog in a few places across the internet, but I have no real idea what this show is all about is all about.  Justin Ishmael seems pretty dark excited by the whole venture though so I did a little youtube research and this is what I've found.

So yeah, I'll be skipping this print as well.


The Traps Come Alive For The Muppets!

With all the Muppets parody trailers flying around the internet I actually thought for about ten second that the below fake trailer was real.  Unfortunately it's not.  And how 'bout that Kermit Woman above?  Fashion these days is absolutely terrifying.