A Fistful of Super-Free Comic Book Movies! (Matt's Picks)

    With Snowpiercer finally hitting screens in America (limited number though it may be), we here at In the Mouth of Dorkness want to take a look at some of our favorite comic book/graphic novel adaptations that don’t involve super powers or caped crusaders.

5.  Red:  Several retired government killers are forced to get back in the game.  Not exactly the most unique premise for a film, but the cast does a fine job and the script is a great deal of fun.  Helen Mirren proves she’s still hot as hell.  It’s goofy fun all around.

4.  Weird Science:  It’s true!  Loosely based on a story from an old anthology comic, Weird Science was one of my childhood favorites.  I totally understood the two dorky leads, and was blown away by the lovely Kelly Lebrock (I never hated her, because she was beautiful).  It’s a fringe Brat Pack film, but probably my favorite.

3.  A History of Violence:  My favorite latter day David Cronenberg film, it’s got a great cast, some intense ultra-violence, and a cool story.  I gather from several friends who’ve read it, the movie is far superior to the graphic novel it’s based on.

2.  300:  What can I say?  I love this big, dumb movie.  Almost certainly more than anyone should.  Visually outlandish and wonderful, full of muscle and bravado, heroic and weird.  It’s great.

1.  Dredd:  They got him right!  2000AD’s venerable hardcore Judge Dredd finally hits the big screen with all the scowling, helmeted badassery that makes him so beloved.  The movie is gorgeous, simple, fun, brutal, and everything I wanted it to be.  Now that people are discovering it on DVD, maybe we’ll get that follow-up after all.  Maybe Judge Anderson will come into her own.  Maybe we’ll get a taste of Judge Death.  Who can say?

-Matt

Matt’s Week in Dork! (9/1/13-9/7/13)

    I started out the week by actually finishing some things.  Yes is the Answer, a sort of oral history of Prog Rock and The Burning Man, Chirsta Faust’s latest Fringe novel.  And the end of the week went crazy with Baltimore Comic-Con, and a visit from Dan and Chris.

Dredd:  A satisfyingly brutal take on the venerable comic character, Dredd finally does 2000AD’s bent sense of humor and grim future justice.  And yes, the helmet NEVER comes off.  Karl Urban makes a great Judge Dredd, with a constant frown and that chiseled jaw.  The villains are nasty, the heroes are nastier.  The violence is weirdly beautiful and the world building is spot on.  For some reason I’ll never understand, this movie did not get anything like the audience it should have.  I’m constantly seeing stuff online from people just seeing it, saying ‘this is so good; how did I not see it before?’  I don’t know.  I saw it in the theater, and had it been there longer, I’d have gone again.  Loved it then, and love it on this second viewing.

Battle In Outer Space:  A pretty good space launch turned alien attack movie from Japan, this is perhaps too slow paced.  Still, in spite of the slow pace and the occasionally meandering plot, I found myself enjoying the adventures of the various characters.  Cool Toho type model work.  It’s not great, and not as wild and weird as some others of the era.  But it’s good.

Mothra:  The argument could be made that this is just kind of a Godzilla clone, with a giant moth instead of a giant dinosaur.  But so what?  It’s fun, it’s well done, and it’s got some cool model destruction.  The King Kong style island adventure in the middle is cool.  There’s a nice twist in the middle.  And the action is solid.

Lords of Salem:  I’m actually kind of impressed by just how unimpressive this film is.  It’s easy to crap on Rob Zombie.  House of 1000 Corpses was a jumbled mess (with a few interesting bits).  The Devil’s Rejects (his best) is uneven, to say the least.  The Halloween remakes sucks (there; I said it; it sucks).  El Superbeasto was absolute garbage.  And now Lords of Salem.  It has a lot of the disorganized, aimless feel of 1000 Corpses, with the yawn inducing boredom of Halloween.  But, it also looks great.  That’s the thing with Zombie’s work.  He does some good stuff.  He works with different cinematographers every time, but always has very cool imagery in his films, which I assume come from him.  But the writing.  It’s just not there.  I loved a lot of the early scenes of Sheri Moon Zombie walking around, and going about her life.  It had a very nostalgic, New England in the early 80s vibe to it that I thought was quite nice.  But otherwise, the movie is just a mess.  I think he was aiming for some combination of The Devil’s Rain and The Sentinel, but he missed the mark.

Hey look.  A goat.

The African Queen:  “Ain’t a thing I can do about it.”  I enjoy the heck out of this light-hearted adventure movie, set against WWI era Africa.  Bogart and Hepburn are two down and out people on the edge of nowhere, who come together with a hair-brained plan to strike a blow against the Kaiser.  We then follow these two down a torturous river and through the fumblings of a budding romance.  I love that the actors don’t look good.  Hepburn is clearly getting older.  Bogart looks like crap.  They sweat, they get dirty, and they just don’t look like movie stars.  Yet, the film is beautiful to look at.  Is it an amazing, life changing film?  No.  But I get why it’s a classic, and I do really enjoy it.

Wrong:  “I only realized that I loved my face after it had been burned with acid.”  Two years ago, Rubber kind of blew me away.  It was so out of nowhere, so strange, so sickly clever that a movie about a murderous psychic tire (yup!) made it on my top ten list.  Wrong is fun, and it’s weird.  But it’s not on the same level.  Sure, there’s plenty of weirdass behavior and strange images.  But while I enjoyed it, I wasn’t blow away by it.

    So, Friday night, Chris and Dan arrived.  Saturday morning…way too early Saturday morning, we hopped in the car and headed to Baltimore, setting up the Warrior 27 table.  We were each able to make various excursions around the place over the course of the day, and I got to see a lot of cool stuff.  This year stood out for me because of the breadth and obscurity of the cosplay.  I was impressed.  Sure, there were a lot of New Who costumes (only one good enough for me to give a pass on the cliché/overexposure).  And there were a bunch of Deadpools (I don’t get it).  But there was a Captain Haddock (from Tintin) for crying out loud.  There was even a couple of ladies doing the nerdy scientists from Pacific Rim.  It was pretty cool.  After the show, co-Dork Brad and our friend Robert joined us for some Mexican at a place not too far from my house.  Too late to bed, and an early rise the next day for Day 2 of the con.  More on that next week, I guess.

-Matt

Brad's Week in Dork! (5/12/13-5/18/13)

Sigh.  Let that be your warning - there be ranting blogger rage here.  From the very first set photo leaked from Star Trek Into Darkness, we here at ITMOD expressed reservation about the follow-up film to JJ Abrams' rather clever 2009 relaunch.  If you've read more than one of our posts here, you know that we're a pair of serious Trekkies - and it's hard to impress us when the crew of the USS Enterprise is involved.  Hell, we've hated on the original film series, the Next Gen crew, DS9, Voyager, and those bloody Bakula nimrods.  But for the most part, it comes from a place of love and we can find joy in even the weakest of Trek entries (I for one am a serious defender of Shatner's Final Frontier).  Star Trek Into Darkness marks the first film in the franchise that I full-on hated.  Nemesis & Generations might be weaker entries, but even in those lamebrain scripts you can find fleeting moments of character to latch upon.  Into Darkness is a remake in the guise of split-time sequel, and it preys upon your memories of the characters and the iconic events that shaped previous films.  If the last time you watched Star Trek II - The Wrath of Khan was a few years ago, and you casually think of yourself as a "Trekkie" cuz being a nerd these days is cool than you probably loved Into Darkness.  If you can check off your brain, ignore the craters of logic that obliterate the screenplay, and have no problem with 9/11 conspiracies or racial white washing than go have fun at the movies.  But if you ever bitched about Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull or Prometheus or The Dark Knight Rises but thought Into Darkness was a rollicking good time, than you are fooling yourself - or are completely ignorant to the idiocy assaulting your senses.  Whiz, Bang, Flash is not Star Trek.

Ok.  Have I insulted you yet?  Have I properly expressed how much your enthusiasm for this new Trek makes you an idiot?  Do I sound like a big enough asshole?  Smug enough?  Righteous enough?  Good.  Let's continue.

I really don't like being a hater.  My problem is that, when it comes to all things dorky, Star Trek is my one true love.  I love Westerns.  I love comic books.  I love Planet of the Apes & Magnum PI.  But above all else I love Star Trek.  It's why JJ's 2009 film is such a damn miracle to me.  He managed to make a flick that pleased mass audiences as well as basement dwelling trolls like myself.  Star Trek '09 is a great action movie that plays off the Kirk vs. Khan scenario that plagues all cinematic Trek films, but still delivers strong emotional character beats as well as winky callbacks to the original series.  And it's shimmering success really had me pumped for Into Darkness, even though the trailers & posters often gave me pause.  My joy for that movie, as well as the Universe it inhabits, ranked Star Trek Into Darkness as one of my most highly anticipated films of the year.  

As I often do, I decided to get serious with my preparation.  Watching all of Abrams's films prior to the new release as well as finishing off the second season of Lost with The Wife.  I really do dig his work prior to this latest abomination.  Despite whatever narrative balls get dropped in LOST, it still ranks as one of my favorite television shows.  Mission Impossible III revived a floundering action franchise for Tom Cruise's psychologically strained career.  Super 8 is a gorgeous love letter to all things Spielberg.  And Star Trek '09 is....well, you know already, just a geeky gem.  Hindsight being what it is, I can start to get cynical about the man.  His career does seem to prey, or at least leech upon nostalgia.  And since my brain is in a fairly dark place at the moment, it's easy for me to think of JJ Abrams as a monstrous money maker taking advantage of this Golden Age of Nerd, grabbing for our dollars by playing with our most beloved properties.  I am certainly curious to see what he does with Star Wars - Episode VII.  If this blog post proves anything, it's impossible to please all the geeks, and his Star Wars will surely grab the attention of haters everywhere.  The nice thing about that though is that George Lucas has pretty much killed that franchise already, and Abrams surely cannot do any worse than what the father has already committed.   

Below you will find hate for only one film.  I dig the others in varying ways.  Also, despite all this Trekkie ranting, the Week was filled with other great bits of dorkery as well.  Lots of comics.  The new issue of Fatale was amazing.  The Age of Ultron continues to exist.  I finished my blitz through Homicide - Life on the Street.  And The Ultimate Justice League of Extraordinary Book Club celebrated it's one year anniversary.  Star Trek Into Darkness might have put a damper on things, but lets' face it, I obviously love bitching about it, and at the end of the day new Star Trek is a good thing.  Live Long and Prosper, folks.

LOST - Season 2:  This is the season in which most of America jumped ship.  Not me.  I was enjoying the first season's mysterious island with its sadsack flashbacks and roaring unseen monsters - but! from the moment they found Desmond at the bottom of the hatch & the introduction of Dr. Marvin Candle & his Dharma Initiative I was truly obsessed with LOST.  Terry O'Quinn's John Locke spends much of this arc analyzing or confusing the messages being sent his way by The Island.  Push the button, don't push the button, push the button.  And what does it all have to do with Hurley's numbers.  As per usual you get more questions than answers, but they are some pretty damn fun questions.  Michael thankfully spends much of the show off screen screaming for "WAAAAALT!" and when he finally returns he brings a whole lot of crazy and death with him.  The new additions to the cast are all enjoyable, even Michelle Rodriguez's tough girl is a fairly interesting character and just when you're getting tired of her...well, The Island has an answer.  Of course, Season 2's greatest new character is Michael Emmerson's Henry Gale.  A real asshole who has a mess of fun twisting Lock's brain around; even if that's pretty easy, it's a heck of a lot of fun to watch.  It is odd watching it a second (or is this a third) time around.  I used to love Mr. Echo so much, but knowing how his story ends makes it easy to gloss over his character.  He's just one of many threads that leads to a brick wall of pointlessness.  Still, I love Dharma.  It might not go exactly where I want it to lead, but how can you not enjoy a shadowy organization messing with magnetic fields and trippy 1960s psycho-babble experiments.  Technology-gone-by, I eat that stuff up.

Mission Impossible III:  Coming at a point when it was popular to bash Tom Cruise for his whackjob beliefs (I recognize the man as crazy, but he's the pure embodiment of "A Real American Hero" - Hollywood's GI Joe), MI3 revitalized a franchise left on the killing floor by John Woo and his unnecessary pigeon explosions.  This is also the only film in the series to feel remotely like the TV show with its rube-goldberg action set-pieces and oddball collection of IMF agents.  Phillip Seymour Hoffman remains the only real memorable villain of the quadrilogy, even when he's phoning it in he's bringing 110% of rage.  Granted, I'm not crazy how Bad Robot injects the Alias subplot of the husband hiding his Secret Agent status from friends & family, but it was obvious from the previous films that some form of humanity needed to be injected into Ethan Hunt.  Sure, I have no idea what an Anti-God device is or why I should care, but when Tom Cruise is hurtling down the backally's of Hong Kong all you need to know is that he's gots ta smash Hoffman's face.

Super 8:  The first half of this film is nearly flawless in its recreation of a period.  Abrams certainly understands what works in those early Spielberg films; the man pulls all the family drama he can from Jaws, E.T., and Close Encounters of the Third Kind.  But it only works because Abrams has gathered an exceptional cast of child actors - you're lucky enough when you find one kid who can emote, but when you've uncovered half a dozen?  That's nearly unheard of; set these guys right next to  The Monster Squad & The Goonies.  Elle Fanning gets the most critical praise thanks to her stirring "performance" before the train explosion, but this is Joel Courtney's movie and all of Super 8's fantasy and heart rests on his shoulders.  The best bits are the moments between the kids, the ridiculously massive train collision is fun and the monster terror is exciting enough, but if you removed the interplay between the kids or even their Super 8 contest film, then all that's left is a mediocre monster mash.  The back half of the film is solid spectacle, but like LOST, the mystery box is much more interesting than the contents desperately hidden inside.

Fatale #14:  "The man who isn't a man at all..."  Ed Brubaker & Sean Phillips' third arc of seemingly stand-alone stories comes to a close with a doozy.  We've been given glimpses of Josephine's WWII history before, but here we get a real nitty gritty insight into the depths she plummeted during the Nazi's European reign.  Fans of Indiana Jones & Hellboy will dig the references to the Thule Society, and the Lovecraftian tentacle demons get plenty of panel time this issue.  Also, we are actually given an opportunity to understand Walt Booker's human monster, and it makes me wonder how our hero Nicholas Lash will be left at the end of the series.  My guess is haunted and mutilated, if not simply a corpse.  Fatale remains my favorite monthly comic.

Age of Ultron #8:  The first half of this series spent its time wandering the Post-Apocalypse of an Ultron ravaged America.  Bryan Hitch's art was amazing so it was easy to miss the fact that the plot was barely moving forward.  Now we're two issues from the conclusion and the plot is rushing by at a breakneck pace.  Of course, the whole "Age of Ultron" conceit has gone by the wayside and the real narrative of a time hopping Wolverine & Sue Richards reveals itself as a fun if disposable mirror universe tale.  I dig the technology ravaged Tony Stark and his buggy Defenders, but I have no idea who or what Morgan Le Fey is within the context of the Marvel Universe.  Nor do I care since it's all gonna get reset anyway.  I'm not hating this series, but it does leave me with something to be desired.

FF #7:  Another month, another amazing issue of FF.  The Future Foundation travels to the Negative Zone to rescue Bentley-23 from his clone daddy and free the super villain from the mind of Medusa.  Mike Allred kills it on art, and there are several Ant-Man panels I want mounted on my wall pronto.  The only way you cannot be enjoying this series is that if you have no soul.  Right now, FF is the best book of the Marvel Now relaunch with Thor - God of Thunder trailing closely behind.

Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #23:  Miles Morales has had to deal with death in the past, but the tragedy of the last issue truly rocked him to his 14 year old emotional core.  This issue jumps ahead one year and even though I'm not usually a fan of that kind of thing, I gotta admit that it works here.  We find Miles sans costume.  He's a year older, and in teen years that's practically a decade of emotional intelligence.  His relationship with his father seems stronger, he has a girlfriend in the Ultimate Universe incarnation of Kate Bishop (YAY!  HAWKEYE!  FU Matt!), and Gwen Stacey waitresses at a crappy Chinese Restaurant.  I really have no idea how he stayed out of the costume for a whole year, but it doesn't look like that's going to last much longer with Jessica Drew hounding him to join the Ultimates.  If you are at all annoyed with the Dock Ock silly of The Superior Spider-Man than it's time for you to jump realities.  Miles is where it's at.  

Star Trek:  "I dare you to do better."  As I stated in this week's A Fistful of Star Trek, my Trekkie heart is devastated during the opening destruction of the USS Kelvin.  I've watched this film a half dozen times now, and every time during the final exchange between Mr. & Mrs. George Kirk I well up with tears.  And I really do dig how the death of James Kirk's father alters his personality if not his destiny.  This is not William Shatner's Starfleet Captain.  Fitting into JJ Abrams' Lucas/Spielberg obsession, Chris Pine is much more Indiana Jones or Han Solo than Tiberius.  An idea I struggle with to this day (see below), but find myself open to in this action film franchise refit.  And torturous emotional blows like the Kelvin attack, the destruction of Alderaan - I mean Vulcan, the parenting of Christopher Pike, and the presence of Leonard Nimoy's Spock help the film to make it's play for mainstream dollars.  2009's Star Trek managed the impossible, grabbing new fans to a dead franchise while still pleasing the fanboys of yore.  Allow it.

Star Trek Into Darkness:  "You should have let me sleep."  Spoiler Warning for those worried about the precious Mystery Box of JJ Abrams.  If you're looking for a more in-depth look at my histrionics and hyperbole than please feel free to read my full, raged-out review of Star Trek Into Darkness HERE.  But if I were to boil this film down into one word it would be "Dumb."  The film completely squanders the good will committed in the previous movie, practically ignoring the split-timeline conceit by white washing the North Indian sikh known throughout fandom as Khan Noonien Singh into the pasty, growly Benedict Cumberbatch.  Is that a Trekkie nitpick, or simply racist?  It's certainly the action of someone who never liked Star Trek or it's philosophy (see heinous Jon Stewart interview HERE).  But let's move past that, and let's even move past the fact that we're doing another Starfleet Revenge story immediately following the one told in the last film.  Let's even try to ignore screenwriter Roberto Orci's ham-fisted attempt to shoehorn his Truther agenda about the 9/11 Attacks into the mouths and actions of Admiral Peter Weller.  Star Trek Into Darkness is simply a bad movie.  A script that often has to tell you why so & so is bad (dial up BFF Spock Prime), and painfully relies on your fond memories of Star Trek's greatest cinematic adventure to wring the tears from your sockets.  Is it clever to reverse Wrath of Khan's climax, or just lazy?  It's certainly lazy to telegraph the action halfway through your film with Kirk's "I Suck At Being Captain" speech and the awkward "Hey Bones, what ya doin' with that dead Tribble?" tension breaker.  And where exactly is the Star Trek universe left at the end of this film?  Well, it's now a world that no longer needs starships thanks to portable transwarp beaming units.  And Khan's "super blood" has cured death.  Yes.  No one can die again in Star Trek.  I know tension is a ridiculous concept in a sequel filled franchise, but COME ON!  You cured Death!!!!!  What the hell?!?!?  Screw you.  But don't worry.  The super blood will be quickly ignored the next time around.

Homicide - Life on the Street Season 7:  The final season certainly lacks without the presence of Andre Braugher's Detective Pembleton.  Kyle Secor attempts to fill the void with his zen investigator, but he's just not Frank.  And it's obvious that NBC was drilling the producers with notes as more and more sexy cops are added to the cast and romantic interludes begin to invade the crime sprees.  I do really like Agent Giardello's introduction; Giancarlo Esposito is a perfect foil to papa Yaphet Kotto and it's a shame he only got one season to play sonnie.  There are not as many memorable cases this season - there's the extremely dated Internet Killings for Baylis to loose his mind over, and Detective Shepherd's beatdown brings an interesting dynamic to the squadroom.  But where are the White Glove Murder cases?  How 'bout a great guest star standalone?  Not really.  Season 7 is solid television, but it's also easily the weakest entry in the series.

The 1 Year Anniversary Meeting of The Ultimate Justice League of Extraordinary Book Club:  Man, just look at that cake.  Absolutely stunning.  Crafted courtesy of longtime member Jill, that delectable chocolate cake also represents every title we covered this year.  Can you spot my favorite marzipan decor?  Well, obviously it's the Blacksad piece that reigns supreme on top.  I really cannot believe this book club lasted a year.  When The Wife told me she wanted to start it, I thought it was a great endeavor but I just didn't think folks would last...especially after the heated Habibi meeting.  I am so happy to be proven the needless doubter.  Every month I greatly look forward to the gathering, and I though this week's Massive discussion to be one of the best yet.  Most folks seemed to be lukewarm on the material, but that lone enthusiast kept the conversation going.  By the end of the night I went from completely exhausted on Brian Wood to ready to pick up the next volume.  Thanks William.

The Massive:  This was the fourth post-apocalypse story we read this year (Get Jiro, Y The Last Man, & The Walking Dead being the others), and it was easily my least favorite.  A great earthly cataclysm sparked by global warming has left the planet practically covered in water.  The treehuggers that pilot The Kapital are on a mission to find their sister ship The Massive.  Along the way they encounter pirates, pirates, and more pirates.  The narrative simply wanders from one conflict to the next, and I'm never quite sure why we should care about the missing Massive or why even these characters think it's still floating around out there.  There seems to be some mystical mumbo jumbo at play in the background, but it's so slight that it fails to illicit any kind of wonder from this reader.  This could be one of those books like The Walking Dead or Preacher that needs a couple volumes to really heat up, but I'm barely interested enough to wait for the next volume in December.

Homicide - The Movie:  When Yaphet Kotto is shot during a political rally, all the detectives from season's past (even the dead ones) appear to hunt down the assassin.  This is much more the satisfying conclusion than what we got in Season 7, and it solidifies Homicide as the greatest Detective program to grace the boob tube.  However, it also proves that one time rookie cop Tim Baylis is a true whelp and never should have walked through those squad room doors.  His first case, the Adena Watson killing, ruined him and his downfall is the great tragedy of Frank Pembleton's life.  I still crave another look at these characters lives.  Where is Frank now?  Is he still teaching?  How's his relationship with his wife and kids?  I have a feeling that Tim Baylis destroyed him mentally, and whatever his future transformed into, it's a dark and sad place.  Homicide was never a happy go-lucky show.  It was a challenge.  The characters were fallible and often infuriating.  But it was rarely boring.  I miss it.

The Fast and The Furious:  With Star Trek crashed and burned behind me, it's time to shake off the fanboy pity and dive into an epic example of franchise stupidity.  The Fast and The Furious is a film that takes itself way too seriously.  Vin Diesel & Paul Walker are so desperate to be cool that they fail miserably with their stern staredowns and flailing fistfights.  Director Rob Cohen tries to sell you on the badass of car racing with horrendous CGI glimpses of carburetors and pistons.  The film is laughable and often boring; how this led to the mondo glory known as Fast Five is beyond me, but I'm so glad the teenyboppers kept showing up for these idiotic flicks, cuz The Rock would transform this saga into a beautifully sweaty exploration of beefy machismo.

--Brad

A Fistful of Star Trek! (Brad's Picks)

After four years of waiting, JJ Abrams' Star Trek follow-up Into Darkness has finally hit our shores and despite some polarizing rage (from me & proper Trekkies everywhere *smiling smugly in the glow of my laptop*) I'm quite happy to have the USS Enterprise back on the big screen.  Whatever disappointments I might have with this latest entry, I genuinely hope it strikes gold so that we can join their 5 Year Mission in another few years.  And with Abrams jumping ship to Star Wars (and hopefully taking the rest of his Bad Robot dolts with him) maybe someone like Matt Reeves or Drew Goddard can rediscover the hope & humanism of the Star Trek universe.

Below you'll find a few of my favorite moments from the 47 year old saga, as well as the key concepts (or ideals) that make Star Trek my true love.

5.  The Death of George Kirk & The Birth of His Son:  Ok, so I know I was just crapping all over JJ Abrams & Bad Robot a few moments ago, but that's just my agonizing Into Darkness disappointment talking.  Their 2009 relaunch is actually kind of a miracle.  A film that cleverly acknowledges & even continues the stories of the cast you love, but also creates a timeline for new adventures occur.  It's a whiz-bang actioner, busting at the seams from its massive budget, and Trekkies had never seen a film this grand or slick before.  JJ obviously knows where to put his digital camera & the Starship battles between the Narada, the Kelvin, and the Enterprise are absolutely breathtaking.  But it's not the spectacle that ranked this film in the #1 spot of my Top Ten Films of 2009.  Nope, Star Trek won my heart with its spot-on emotional beats, the first of which occurs in the opening fifteen minutes.  The time traveling Narada comes upon the USS Kelvin and unleashes an array of advanced weaponry that completely devastates the tiny vessel.  With the captain dead, George Kirk must take the chair and provide a distraction while his crew flees in a stream of shuttles.  Aboard one of those shuttles, his wife goes into labor & just before he meets his doom they agree upon their child's name - Jim for her father, Tiberius for his.  As of this week, I've seen the film a dozen times and with each viewing I tear up during the chaos - heartstrings pulled & knotted.  Robbing James T. Kirk of his father transforms him from a bold, big ego adventurer and into a brash, cock-of-the-walk brat.  And it's an internal struggle still being waged in the new film, however, his new father figure Christopher Pike doesn't get much of a chance to guide him to glory...

4.  The Dominion War:  Introduced as an anti-Federation in the second season of Deep Space Nine, Starfleet's war with The Dominion paves the way for Ron Moore's Battlestar Galactica reboot.  With The Next Generation off the air & the USS Voyager galavanting the Delta Quadrant, the DS9 show runners found their hands in the cookie jar - Klingons, Romulans, Breen - it was all theirs to play with and Deep Space Nine took full advantage, plunging the universe into a galactic conflict like nothing Star Trek had dealt with before.  These were not simple one and done episodes, for the first time Star Trek was given season long arcs, and a new level of storytelling was grated to The Final Frontier.  This is also where the concept of the devious Section 31 first appeared, so those loving the militarized Starfleet of Into Darkness can take glee in William Sadler's scenery chewing villainy.

3.  The Psychedelic Western:  When William Shatner took the ship from Jeffery Hunter, Star Trek pretty much became Cowboys In Space; a 5 Year Mission expanding the idea of westward expansion into the cosmos but never forgetting the broad moralizing. I first found Trek through the cinematic excursions, but The Original Series is the true core of the franchise - a trippy, hippy-dippy adventure show where Kirk, Spock, & McCoy stumble from one random scenario to another.  There are dozens of gems to be found, the cliched choices being "City on the Edge of Forever," "Space Seed," "The Corbomite Maneuver," "Arena," "Mirror, Mirror," etc, etc.  But as I revisit the show, I find myself drawn more and more to the crazy and the awkward.  Episodes like "A Private Little War" in which Kirk succumbs to a wicked weed after grappling with the ape beast Mugatu.  Or how about "Shore Leave" in which Kirk & McCoy defend themselves from imaginary White Rabbits & the pugilist Finnegan.  In its three years on the air, Star Trek was throwing whatever they could on screen, some stuff stuck and became fanboy canon, while other bits are easily forgotten.  But dagnabbit, I'm still waiting for my "Way to Eden" Adam action figure, and I say the goofy is just as charming as the revered.

2.  The Triumvirate:  Spock, Kirk, & Bones.  As much as I love the rest of the crew and the challenges they face exploring deep space, it's the friendship of these three opposites that cements the action of the franchise.  Spock with his frustrating idealization of logic.  Bones with his grumpy old man pessimism.  Jim Kirk with his Super Ego and unchallenging knowledge of right & wrong.  Perfected over decades by Shatner, Nimoy, & Kelly; the friendship ranges from humorous bouts of bickering to genuine love for one another.  The Wrath of Khan is often (rightfully) cited as the great cinematic adventure, but I often think The Search for Spock gets the shaft as its plot is a personification of their bromance.  In the third big screen outing, Kirk lays everything on the line for his two friends, and it's easy to forgive the wonky Klingon encounter when you're swept into their battle for each other.  Heck, if you love these guys as much as I do you can even trick yourself into enjoying Star Trek V, a film with an absolutely bugnuts-stupid quest for God at the center of the galaxy that is framed with an adorable campfire getaway - three chums enjoying the presence of each other.  As the new actors wearing the iconic skins, Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, & Karl Urban are still finding their way.  Quinto & Urban certainly have an excellent handle on the mannerisms, and as the three proved in Star Trek 09, they can absolutely deliver the banter.  Into Darkness has little use for The Triumvirate, reducing Urban to no more than a metaphor generator and injecting Uhura's romantic interest into the trilogy.  All well and good, but I hope the next film allows the three cohorts their respectable chemistry.

1.  "Where No Man Has Gone Before":  Space, the final frontier.  The voyages of the Starship Enterprise.  Boldly going.  In 1966 Gene Rodenberry, taking the popularity of television programs like Wagon Train and mixing it with the excitement surrounding the space race, brought Star Trek to thousands of boob tubes around the world.  It was not initially a smashing success, but it eventually caught the imagination of millions and spawned the very first wave of fanboys (& girls).  What was the initial draw is sill the concept that keeps me coming back for more - the 23rd Century as seen by Roddenberry is a universe of hope & adventure.  Earth has solved its domestic squabbles.  The bridge of the USS Enterprise has Russians at the helm and African Americans on comm.  Not such a big deal these days, but at the height of The Cold War & the Civil Rights movement, seeing Uhura & Chekhov fighting alongside James Tiberius Kirk was a real Utopia.  And the idea that Man (with a capital M) has plenty of galaxy to explore is still really damn exciting if not utterly fantastical thanks to the public's seeming disdain for NASA these days.  Star Trek is not a Versus show.  It's not Star Wars.  It's not Avatar.  It's not even Battlestar Galactica.  It allows for plenty of action, but at the core of the franchise should be exploration.  Man maturing to join & contribute to the rest of the Universe.  And that's what I want from whatever incarnation of Star Trek we get next.

--Brad

Star Trek Into Darkness - The Spoiler Filled Review!

"You should have let me sleep."  Damn right.  The writers should have listened to their own dialog.  There are a lot of stops along the road to failure, but Star Trek Into Darkness was doomed from the moment that 1979's Star Trek - The Motion Picture was deemed a box office disappointment (despite being the highest grossing film in the franchise till 2009's relaunch - way to go Paramount finance) and director Nick Meyer was brought on board to retool a slash & burned Wrath of Khan.  As is with most Trekkies, Star Trek II is my absolute favorite voyage for the USS Enterprise.  But it's a film that has infected every sequel since its success - it took the cowboy franchise of intergalactic westward expansion and transformed it into a versus punch 'em up actioner.  Almost every Trek film attempts, with varying degrees of success, to pit its Captain against a Khan substitute.  Part III has Christopher Lloyd's Klingon Krug.  Part V has the hippy dippy half brother Sybock.  VI has Kirk's mirror racist General Chang.  Generations has the ribbon runner Dr. Sauron.  First Contact has The Borg.  Insurrection has the stretchmark disaster Ru'afo.  Nemesis has Tom Hardy's heinous Picard clone, Shinzon.  And the 2009 prequel/sequel has the mad time warped Romulan, Nero.  Khan, Khan, Khan, Khan, Khan.  Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!  So, no surprises here, Into Darkness is about Khan.  No matter how hard or loud the Abrams camp sidestepped the villain question, I don't think there was a Trekkie out there who didn't think this new film was going to address Star Trek's most iconic big bad.  As much as I hoped for a new direction, or a start to that 5 Year Mission, Abrams & his writing team just couldn't resist a crack at the superman.

But let's put that disappointment to the side.  Dismiss it as Trekkie wishful thinking.  We've been fed Khan for thirty years why should we expect a new flavor?  Let's even shake off JJ Abrams' despotic grip on his mystery box & how the John Harrison subterfuge was totally for not and probably robbed the film from any real tension.  We'll also kick aside the fact that the Khan seen Into Darkness is absolutely not the Khan seen in the Original Series episode "Space Seed" or Star Trek II.  We haven't progressed at all since the 1960s, so let's enjoy the continued whitewashing of characters and accept Khan Noonien Singh as the name a growly, pale brit.  Nitpicks, right?  Sure.  Whatever.

Why don't we just erase the Trek canon and look at Into Darkness as the sequel to 2009's Star Trek.  Wait - we can't!  JJ Abrams is attempting to eat his cake and have it too.  And for a moment there I thought he could make it work.  The brilliance of the 09 film is that it neatly acts as a sequel to the other films while also revamping the series for a new generation.  Nero's attack on the USS Kelvin sets into motion a new series of adventures for Kirk & company; there is a familiarity to the events, but the characters are now free to live new stories.  Vulcan is gone.  Bam.  That was a helluva statement.  Chris Pine's snot-nosed, Starfleet brat learns the challenges of command & how to balance his gut with the Captain's seat.  Star Trek was dead in the land of both TV & Cinema, and JJ brought the great beast back to life.  I am thankful for that.

But it's obvious from Into Darkness that JJ Abrams, who has made a career out of revitalizing the cold corpses of much beloved product, cares very little or at least has no understanding for his subject.  He starts his sequel with a Raiders of the Lost Ark temple footchase that sees Kirk shatter the Prime Directive in an attempt to save a race of primitives as well as Spock's life.  It's an opportunity to showcase Kirk's individuality as well as a means to shoehorn in Star Trek II's "The Needs of the Many" morality.  A return to San Francisco sees Admiral Pike strip Kirk of his command, and reclaim the Enterprise.  Another possibly interesting departure for this crew....it last about five minutes.  Khan Godfather III's a Starfleet boardroom, killing the potential of Pike, and thrusting Kirk on his revenge fueled plot.

Four years ago we spent an entire film maneuvering Captain Kirk into the chair.  Chris Pine's interpretation of the character was a snot-nosed drifter; a genius with no place in the world until Pike pulled him off the barroom floor and dropped him into the Academy.  When Pike was kidnapped by Nero, Kirk had to learn to play with others if he was going to live up to the legend that was his father.  And now, in Into Darkness, we get to do it all over again.  The punk is still not worthy of the chair and halfway through the film he even tells Spock that he has no idea what he's doing, and the pointy eared bastard should take the seat instead  Of course, this is setting up the reversal climax, The Death of Kirk.

A nearly beat for beat remake of Wrath of Khan's conclusion.  Why?  The script is constantly relying on the films of yesteryear.  We're supposed to understand that Kirk & Spock are BFFs despite the fact that in this timeline they've only known each other for a little over a year, and are constantly battling over procedure.  In the last film, Leonard Nimoy's Spock tells Quinto's Spock that they need each, but I don't think Quinto's Spock has seen the light yet, and Pine's Kirk certainly can't stand the green blooded hobgoblin.  And you think that when I hear the line "Ship...out of danger" I'm gonna get all teary eyed?  And after Kirk's last breath escapes we get Spock's ridiculous theft of "KHAAAAAAN!" and I'll be moved to heart pumping angry action?  No.  It pulled me right out of the film.  Those are the cheats of the lamest of remakes, Into Darkness coasts on your memories of these characters even when the scipt butchers their personalities.

Throughout this film Captain Kirk is scared, clueless, and sorry.  Abrams is in love with the idea of a reckless adventurer, but Captain Kirk is not Indiana Jones.  Where is the brilliant strategist?  Where are those coded moments in which Kirk & Spock pull the wool over Khan's eyes, trading blow for blow in submarine combat?  Here we just get one rushed action set piece leading into the other - Kirk barreling down the hallways, aching to bloody his fists on superman's chin.  

Then you've got the Nimoy cameo.  The very notion that Young Spock must speed dial Old Spock for a history lesson is absurd.  The film already takes two seconds to tell you that Khan is 300 years old and a war criminal, but Young Spock still needs to be told by Old Spock that Khan was the Enterprise's greatest enemy?  Uh, no he wasn't?  Iconic as all hell, sure.  But that phallic whale Probe from The Voyage Home was a larger threat.  Khan was an old angry guy we dumped on a planet decades ago - a man who stole a ship from the Federation and sucker punched the Enterprise.  The reason Wrath of Khan is badass is because it's a personal attack birthed from Kirk's knowitall god complex.

But why does Khan even need to be the bad guy for Into Darkness?  We've already got Admiral George W Bush - I mean, Admiral Marcus marching to war with the Klingons.  When the film briefly teams up with Khan as a means to take down the Section 31 conspiracy, I thought we might be venturing into some new territory.  One of the great bits about the original "Space Seed" episode is that Khan has a point.  Maybe in this new timeline Khan can also find a place?  But no, we gotta manufacture some Khan rage cuz Khan was angry before and he's always gotta be angry.  Just dumb.

If I'm digging a movie I can forgive a lot of plot holes.  I can get pumped by The Avengers or depressed by The Dark Knight Rises, and ignore all the holes to drive my mac truck through.  Every big time Hollywood movie (including all Trek) is going to have some serious head scratchers.  But Into Darkness is nothing but confused, half assed screenwriting.  And worst of all is that it preys on my love for the films that came before and it doesn't do any of the heavy lifting on its own.  It drops Carol Marcus into the action, giving her no reason to be there other than to show off her rack.  A brilliant scientist reduced to a pair of panties.  The conversation of "Space Seed" is whittled down into high jumps and a few fist fights.  We get Klingons cuz Trek has Klingons.  Kirk is killed cuz someone's gotta die.  And Kirk is revived cuz we can't not have Kirk..........I mean, you don't even have the balls to wait one movie to resurrect your champion!?!?  And why do you need Khan blood when you have the blood of 72 other supermen in your cargo bay???  What the hell?  DAMMMMIT!

Obviously, I love Star Trek.  And I don't want to come off as another troll hating on the Internet.  And if I squint really hard I can find a couple of things that I liked about Into Darkness - Bruce Greenwood's sideburns,  Karl Urban's neverending metaphors, those Klingon helmets.  But I was just deeply pained by the sequel we got here.  It's a dolt.  But the franchise has survived terrible movies before and it will survive this bland monster.  And hopefully it will make a crap ton of cash cuz I want another movie.

Star Trek Into Darkness ends with The Enterprise finally launching it's Five Year Mission (where this film should have started).  And now that JJ Abrams is off to play in the Lucasfilm sandbox, maybe he can take his trilogy of screenwriters with him and hand Star Trek to a real fan...or at least someone who understands the excitement of exploration.  I'll let you throw in another Khan if you want to, but give us some Alien worlds, some ideas, some actual Trek amongst the Stars.

--Brad

Dork Art: Mike Mitchell's Mondo Portrait Gallery

A few days ago I posted my Week in Dork with a header image provided by Mike Mitchell's Django Unchained portrait.  It's a striking piece of art that's only just a portion of the Mondo Gallery show currently on exhibit in Austin, Texas.  Ah, to live in that hipster paradise....sigh.  I can only hope that some of these appear as prints at this year's SPX cuz I desperately want to put the above Dredd shot in my bathroom.  Why, the bathroom?  Not sure, exactly.  Above the toilet, keeping watch, disapproving Karl Urban.  Just seems right.

--Brad