Matt’s Week in Dork! (10/13/13-10/19/13)

    Got an early, early start to this Week in Dork with a trip to see Gravity.  Glad that movie is doing well, because that’s the kind of science fiction we should be seeing more of, even if it wasn’t great.

Gravity:  Sadly, this is one of the better films to come out of 2013.  It’s a fair science fiction adventure, if not amazing.  Lots of long takes and some beautiful imagery, along with pretty good performances make it watchable.  However, there are a few annoying little quibbles that stuck in my craw, particularly the forced religiosity.  And though Bullock does a pretty good job, and looks the part, her character is simply not that interesting, and her back-story is lame.  But all in all, it’s not bad.  And I really love the last couple of minutes, even if they were detached from the rest of the film.  The imagery and music work very well together, creating a shot that I’ve seen in my head many times, but that I don’t think I’ve ever seen in a film ‘til now.

    On Sunday night, I watched some more Space 1999.  That show has some excellent episodes, some really creepy stories.  One where they found a parallel Earth that still had it’s moon, and a woman died from having an extra brain appear in her head…that was just weird, man.

Brigadoon:  “You don’t have to explain anything to me.  I don’t care.”  I just could not get into this one at all.  It’s basically Lost Horizon, but annoying, with no interesting characters and lots of singing.  None of the songs are particularly memorable.  And the fantasy element makes little sense.  Everyone in Brigadoon acts as thought they’ve lived hundreds of years, but for them, it’s only been two days.  What gives?  This modern fairy tale could absolutely have worked (as it has several times in several other films), but not here.  Maybe this works better on stage.  On film, it’s not that good.

The Expendables 2:  A bunch of meatheads spout semi-literate one-liners at each other while everything (including wave after wave of Eastern European fodder) explodes.  This is the obvious descendant of all those muscle bound action movies of the 80s, and not just because it stars all kinds of the retirees of that golden age of stupid.  It doesn’t come a lot more low brown and silly than this, but it’s a heck of a lot more fun than a dozen more serious films.  You have to go in to these films with a certain mindset.  If you’re looking for good dialog that isn’t awkwardly delivered, and a complex plot, well, look somewhere else.

Wings:  Sadly, it doesn’t take much to achieve this status, but Wings is one of the best World War I films I’ve seen.  Amazing air combat sequences, brutal trench fighting, some pretty good actors, and a solid, if not amazing story.  It’s got plenty of heroics, but also does get into some of the grit and grime of war.  Some of the violence is disturbing, even to this jaded modern viewer.  When the camera holds on a pilot as he’s shot to death and his plane plunges to the ground, it’s quite gruesome and effective.

Godzilla VS SpaceGodzilla:  I’m not gonna lie.  This era (90s) of Godzilla kind of sucks.  The stories aren’t good, the effects look cheap, and they’re just sort of goofy.  And that’s without adding Godzilla’s kid (which, sadly, this film does).  I like some of the SpaceGodzilla stuff, like his weird use of crystals.  I wish there had been better stuff with the humans, that maybe would have involved trying to figure out what that was all about, and how they might do something about it to help Godzilla.  Frankly, the film felt slapped together.

Frankenstein’s Army:  I don’t generally like found footage films and this movie doesn‘t change my mind.  The story is fun, and the characters OK for this kind of film.  But the film looks too new, too modern.  Even the tricks and effects to make it seem ‘primitive’ look too slick and polished.  That said, it feels like watching someone play a really good video game, like Bioshock or something.  There’s an almost rollercoaster aspect to parts near the end, that were making me laugh (with, not at) out loud.  The retro-tech is very cool.  And it has moments that really shine.  I’d rather the film been more traditional, with steady-cam and tripod, told completely (or even mostly) in the third person.  But I enjoyed the content of the film enough to overcome the technique.  Worth checking out for those who enjoy very weird, genre-mixing horror.  Russians, Nazis, and Frankenstein’s monsters.  OK.  Why not.

Lifeforce:  “Well, here I go.”  Every time I watch this film, I like it a little more.  The sprawling story, the cast of characters, the actors, the weird effects, the crazy plot progression…and Mathilda May.  I can’t overstate how much Mathilda May does for the film.  But beyond a stunningly beautiful woman walking around naked, there’s a pretty weird and cool Lovecraftian tale of alien energy vampires, plague, and mass hysteria.  Not to everyone’s taste, to be sure, horror fans, sci-fi fans, and especially fans of the old Hammer sci-fi horror films (like the Quatermass series) need to see it.

Machete Kills:  “Machete loves everyone.”  Where does one start?  Well, I’ll start with the good.  1) Danny Trejo was really good.  That is all.  The bad…everything else.  The dialog is bad, until the women start talking.  Then the dialog is offensively bad.  The story wanders around so much that at around the halfway point, I couldn’t believe the movie wasn’t over yet.  It fails on epic levels.  For a pseudo-grindhouse movie, it lacks all the things that make a grindhouse film, except for shoddy technical production.  Bad, bad, bad CGI used instead of even the most rudimentary (and effective) practical effects (fake blood isn’t even expensive; catsup would have looked better).  Where’s the nudity?  Not here, that’s for sure.  The very beginning is so bugnuts that it got my hopes up.  The rest of the movie soundly destroyed my hopes, then peed all over their remains.  If you enjoyed the first film, skip this one.  If you enjoy things that suck and are really boring, check it out.  So much potential for something good.  So must disappointment.

Wish it was more like this.

    I finished reading Sean Faircloth’s book Attack of the Theocrats.  It’s at once infuriating and energizing.  Seeing just how religious factions in this country have done more to erode human rights, scientific literacy, and the Constitution is disturbing.

Black Widow:  Kind of an incorrectly titled film, the movie is not at all about a black widow, but about a straight-shooting guy who gets the legal bum’s rush from an aspiring writer.  When the young woman writer shows up dead in his apartment, things get dicey fast.  The nasty human behavior and double dose of crazy makes the film more watchable.  It’s not great; not at all.  But it’s worth a watch for the performances.

    On Saturday morning, I watched the first few episodes of Vikings, the new TV series from the History Channel.  It has much, much higher production values than I expected, and has some pretty good characters.  But it also has some pretty bad ones, and as much as I like Gabriel Byrne he’s top of the list.  His character is so pointlessly vile, and suffering from almost every villain cliché, that the whole thing becomes silly when he’s there.  Of course, his woman is a monster who drives him to do evil, he his own people left and right, he disgraces and dishonors everyone who shows a bit of confidence, and the list goes on.  Without his character (like Danny Huston in Magic City) the show would be noticeably better.  It could deal with a bit more sex and violence, but it doesn’t feel totally off on that count.

    Saturday night, we went out to Warrenton (the sticks) to see Dork-Wife Lisa in a production of Fiddler on the Roof.  It was quite good, with several excellent actors.  The guy who played Tevye was especially good.  And Lisa was really, really excellent.  You could kind of tell that she’s a professional singer.  I’d never seen the movie, or any other live production, so it was all a surprise to me.  And I ended up enjoying it quite a bit.

    I also picked up the new Goldfrapp album, Tales of Us.  It’s pretty good.  More dreamy than dancy.  In fact, I would say her dance roots aren’t even showing here.  And I grabbed Devo’s recent album Something for Everybody.  Some of the tunes are catchy, and they still sound good.  But the thing with Devo is that I feel like their revolutionary spirit turned to bitterness, and while I need to give the songs a more careful listen, the bitterness seems to be showing.

-Matt

A Fistful of Underappreciated Horror! (Matt’s Picks)

    With October in full effect, it’s time to celebrate the Horror genre once again.  We’ve talked a lot about the classics of Horror, established masterpieces like The Thing, Night of the Living Dead, Glitter, etc.  So, this time around, we’re going to look at those Horror films that don’t get the love they deserve.

5.  Dust Devil:  There are two key versions of this film, one of which is frustratingly unavailable.  The original theatrical cut of the film is good, but only the ‘director’s cut’ has been put out on DVD.  Either way, there’s a strange, haunting vibe to the film.  A quest across southern Africa, a mysterious spirit traveler who seduces lost souls, an emotionally broken old cop.  Very moody, and very atmospheric.  Unfortunately, it’s director Richard Stanley’s only good work.

4.  The Stuff:  Larry Cohen made this ultra-80s wackado study of American consumerism and fad.  When a white goo bubbles up from underground, it becomes the new snack sensation.  But the snack has something else in mind.  Like a Lovecraft story, filtered through the neon soaked underworld of early 80s discontent.  Conspiracy, commercialism, survivalists, and sweaty palms.

3.  Monsters:  Nobody saw this low budget kaiju movie when it came out in 2010, and that’s really too bad.  Here’s hoping next year’s release of Godzilla will inspire folks to see director Gareth Edward’s first movie.  After a space probe crashes to Earth in Mexico, bringing with it an alien corruption, walls are built and the whole area becomes a no-man’s land.  A young socialite and a photographer need to get back to the States in a hurry, but things are falling apart.  A journey across Mexico is harrowing and educational.  The movie was shot on a very low budget, yet ends up being more effective than many big budget blockbusters.

2.  The Ninth Gate:  When I first saw this film, I wasn’t into it.  It seemed kind of goofy, a bit slow, what the heck was that ending?  For some reason, I sat down and watched it again one day.  And it was weird, but I really, really liked it.  The music, the look, the characters, and the scenes of journeying across Europe were all fascinating.  When I had the chance, I bought the DVD, listened to the commentary, and went on to read the novel it was based (loosely) on, and somehow, it became a favorite film of mine.  It was also when I realized I was a Johnny Depp fan.  Now, I can pop this movie in any time and enjoy the heck out of it.

1.  Lifeforce:  It starts as a space exploration film.  It becomes an alien invasion film.  And then it becomes an apocalyptic zombie film.  And it is one of the very few vampire films that doesn’t …hem…suck.  A great cast of UK character actors and a sprawling story help make a film that feels like the best of classic Hammer, specifically the Quatermass films.  The movie was not well received and has never seemed to pick up a particularly large audience, and that’s too bad.

    Looking back over this list, I can’t say I’m surprised at all that all five of these films share aspects of Lovecraft’s work and the work of his fellows.

-Matt

A Fistful of Vampires that Don’t Sparkle! (Matt’s Picks)

If this is attractive, blindness may be the only sanity.

    OK, so, in spite of being a technologically advanced civilization, with our fingers starting to stretch out into the cosmos, and in spite of women having the right to vote and having made great strides in terms of equality, and in spite of the idea that good taste should still count for something, the new abomination in the series of Biblical plagues called the Twilight Saga has arrived, with all its made-for-TV (UPN from the looks of it) glory.  I make no secret that I’m not much for vampires.  I think they’re WAAAAAAAY past played out as a concept and the idea of vampires as romantic figures is laughably stupid (They’re dead!  Think about what that means in terms of romance and physical affection.  Seriously, think about it for like two minutes and it should cure you of finding them romantic).  But, in spite of that, there has been the occasional cool vampire or vampire movie.  Recently, I was happy to see vampires portrayed as they should be, as monsters, in Priest, Stake Land, and 30 Days of Night, for example.  Sure, neither is a particularly good film, but…  Anyway.  Here’s my list of some of my favorite vampires.  And these beasts don’t sparkle, because that’s f’ing stupid.  What, is the author like a twelve year old girl or something?  Holy crap.  I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. 

5.  The M-113 Creature (Star Trek):  As a kid, the image of this thing shown during the end credits of Star Trek episodes always freaked me out.  A shape shifting monster that needs our salts.  Is it the last member of a collapsed civilization, or perhaps the reason for the collapse?

4.  Jerry Dandrige (Fright Night):  He’s suave, sophisticated, and just wants to have the occasional nubile young lady over for some good old wholesome…well, bloody murder.  So stop looking in his windows and being such a nosey neighbor.

3.  Nosferatu (Nosferatu):  So, they couldn’t get the rights to make an official adaptation of Dracula.  But, you know what?  They made one seriously terrifying and iconic creature anyway.  Max Schreck’s Graf Orlok is simply horrifying.  And as he lurks about, he embodies the dangerous stranger we’ve all learned to fear.

Oh, I've got your romance right here, lady.

2.  Prince Mamuwalde (Blacula):  Though the movie itself is pretty disappointing, William Marshall’s  performance in Blacula is typically classy.  Mamuwalde is a fairly sympathetic character, more possessed by evil than evil.  And Marshall is up to the challenge of making that work.  Though, the writers were not.

1.  The Space Girl (Lifeforce):  Oh, come on.  Of course I had to choose her.  It would be like a ‘best werewolf’ list that didn’t feature An American Werewolf in London.  She’s beautiful, deadly (but not dead!), and she’s been inside Patrick Stewart.  If it wasn’t for the whole ‘destroyer of worlds’ thing, she might just be the perfect woman.  Well, her true form is a giant bat looking thing, and she spends a lot of time sleeping in a crystal case floating in a phallic spaceship following a comet.  But come one.  Like you haven’t dated worse.

-Matt

Matt’s Week in Dork! (8/21/11-8/27/11)

    The week began with some history, got shaken up by an tremor, was cut and bruised, remembered the 80s, and was finally mildly moistened by a giant storm.  What a weirdly eventful week, if not always a pleasant one.  As always, the movies are up first.


Family Guy: Blue Harvest:  A somewhat funny homage to the original films, there are plenty of fun gags for fans, and some of the usual Family Guy stuff.  It’s not bad.  I did laugh a few times.  But it all feels kind of meh.  Like, these jokes have all been told over the last 30 years by countless other Star Wars fans.  Still, oddly, it did give me a hankerin’ to watch the originals again.

The Ward:  AKA, The Bored.  The movie looks great.  But it’s just a collection of typical haunting crap.  Every jump, every visual, every music cue seems familiar…because it is.  This has all been done before.  Frequently.  And then the end.  Holy crap.  Garbage.  John Carpenter.  What happened, man?

She just watched the end of the movie.

Chu Chin Chow:  An early musical Arabian Nights film, this is interesting, but not especially good.  There are some great moments, and some cool visuals.  But the music is grating and the plot kind of dull.  Worth watching for fans of older movies, especially older fantasy films.  But, sadly, not that great.

Horrible Bosses:  While not ground breaking or especially fresh, this comedy is a good deal of laugh out loud fun.  The cast all do a good job.  Even the usually bland Jennifer Aniston is pretty good.  There are plenty of good bits.  And that cat.  Man, that just made me laugh.

Doctor Who: The Invasion of Time:  Sadly, for Leela’s last story, they return to the Doctor’s homeworld.  Never among my favorite stories, at least this one is less dull than others featuring the Time Lords.  Not really all that much to say about this one.  It’s kind of long, and feels like two stories linked together.

Family Guy: Something…Dark Side:  A bit better than the first one, this is fairly funny, with a bunch of the usual Family Guy jokes dropped in.  The Star Wars jokes are a touch less obvious, thus a bit more surprising and fun.  Like the first one, it makes me want to watch the original films again.

Cadfael: The Devil’s Novice:  Another murder for the good Brother to investigate.  While his fellows are quick to blame a brash young man, or demons, Brother Cadfael uses logic and his worldly experience to get to the heart of the problem.  A solid episode from a fine show.

    Brad and I got to the AFI Silver to see a couple grand old 80s classics.  By what I’m assuming was coincidence, both films featured character actor John Hallam.  But it made for a fun ‘double shot.’

Flash Gordon:  “I'm flying blind on a rocket-cycle!”  One of the things I love about movies in the early 80s (like the 50s) is their almost complete lack of cynicism.  There is nothing ironic about Flash Gordon.  Nothing dismissive.  The filmmakers and the cast took the madness of the old serials and did their darnedest give it a go.  Everyone just went for it.  Over the top sets, extremely grandiose rock music soundtrack, and actors shamelessly punching for the gold.  I miss movies like this.  Movies that were fun without being embarrassed about it.  It’s not to say they’re not made anymore.  But they seem less common than in the early 80s or the 50s.

Liveforce:  “She’s destroyed worlds.”  Sprawling, epic, and strange, Lifeforce is a great bit of semi-Lovecraftian horror/science fiction.  Based on the novel The Space Vampires, what starts as an astronaut adventure, turns into a kind of gothic horror film, then morphs again into a zombie apocalypse, and then kicks up the crazy in the final couple minutes.  A fantastic cast of character actors, some epic music, the physical perfection of Mathilda May, and some killer special effects make for a great forgotten classic.

Land of the Minotaur:  Typical of the Pagan/Satanist subgenre of horror films, this movie is quite boring.  The most dangerous enemy our heroes face seems to be shoddy editing.  Very Euro-70s, and very blah.

In a weird way, this pic totally sums up the film.

The Haunted Strangler:  It kind of goes on too long.  The climactic event happens, then the movie drifts through another fairly substantial act.  But, this is a pretty good movie.  Good cast.  Karloff is excellent.  The film is quite grim, and has some surprisingly brutal bits for the era.

The Atomic Submarine:  Not really a great film, but not a bad submarine/alien invasion mash-up.  Early on, it’s a bit slow, but it picks up near the end with some strange effects and creature.

    I also watched a few episodes of the old Western TV show, Wanted Dead of Alive, with Steve McQueen.  Not bad.  Not especially memorable, like Have Gun, Will Travel, but still quite watchable.

    On Sunday, my friend Ben and I traveled out to the Dulles area, to the Udvar-Hazy Center.  Well worth the trip if you’re into air and/or space vehicles.  Some pretty impressive displays.  It’s a little freaky to be standing right next to some famous pieces of history.  If I had a complaint, it’s that there’s almost too much stuff.  It’s a bit packed in in places.  But, then, that also means there’s plenty of stuff for everyone.

    On Tuesday, as most readers probably already know, and many no doubt felt, the east coast got shaken up by a quake.  I was at work, and other than having some stuff fall over, wasn’t effected too much.  At first, I just assumed it was someone walking on our roof to mess with our constantly troublesome AC unit.

    Unfortunately, on Wednesday, I was personally shaken by a stupid bike crash.  Done cycle while tired.  I flipped my handlebars and banged up my knees pretty bad, so I’ve been hobbling more than usual for the last few days.  Still, could have been MUCH worse.  Some painful surface damage will fade given some time.

I just don't know how it happened.

    And then, to top it off, according to the weather channels, the end of the world rolled over in the form of Hurricane Irene.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  Some places got hit really hard, and my heart goes out to those people.  But, as the storm was rolling over this area, and I was listening to the weather folks going into fits of ecstasy as they explained just how horrible and disastrous it was outside at that very moment, I felt something of a disconnect while looking out my window and seeing a mild rain.  I’m glad it wasn’t worse.  But, once again, my contempt for the sensationalist nature of news people rises.  The people who perpetrate this sort of panic inducing chicanery should be held responsible for any damage caused by the panic they create.

    Anyway, I’ve been poking around at some of my comic goodness from the recent convention and a from last year.  I started reading Jim Rugg's Afrodisiac.  I got some of my prints framed and hung up (hope to have more pics coming up).

    I’ve been listening to a bit of Portishead over the last week.  They’re one of my favorite currently active bands, and once in a while I feel the need to listen to a bunch of it.

-Matt