Dork Art: 80s Heroes

Artist Guillaume Singelin tackles classic 80s Heroes as brought to us by the twisted brains of John Carpenter, Ridley Scott, & James Cameron.  There is certainly a lot of manga influence here, but I also see a hefty bit of Dr. Seuss as well.  And the coloring feels like a Dan Hipp drawing.  Whatever the case, I dig em.

--Brad

Two Fistfuls of Oscars! (Brad's Picks)

Tomorrow's the big night, and I find myself really excited for the main event.  Why is that?  It probably has to do with the fact that this is the first year I've seen the most nominated films (just missing a few technical awards, one documentary feature, and most of the shorts).  And as stated in my Predictions & Desires, the 2013 Best Picture race is one of the strongest - these are some solid flicks, only a couple I really have no mind for (Les Miserables & Life of Pi) and even those flicks are not the bottom of the barrel.  I've seen worst films take home the bald gold guy -- see my Top Five least favorite Best Picture winners just below, but just when I start crying in my beer I find some hope in my Top Five favorite Best Picture winners cuz even an awards ceremony as incestuous and pretentious as The Academy Awards gets in right every once in while.

5.  The Greatest Show On Earth:  This is not a terrible film.  It's just long winded, lifeless, and empty.  This represents that era in filmmaking when if you made it long enough and packed enough stars into the frame than you had a hit on your hands.  Great gobby melodrama centering around Charlton Heston's circus manager, his trapeze artist girlfriend, and escaped convict Jimmy Stewart as Buttons the Clown - in what has to be one of his most annoying performances.  Cecil B DeMille pads the movie with endless tent raising sequences that are pornographic in their circus people enthusiasm.  Only die hard fans of Heston or Stewart need apply.

4.  Rain Man:  Another not terrible movie, but Rain Man paved the way for sentimental tripe like Driving Miss Daisy and Forrest Gump.  Tom Cruise definitely excels at playing the douche bag brother of autistic method man Dustin Hoffman, but his smiley jerkhole transformation into the kind hearted lover of Valeria Golino is eye-rollingly saccharine.  A supposed message movie?  Yeah, don't think so.

3.  Titanic:  Now here is a movie I hate.  In 1996 James Cameron was the king of genre fanboys.  The man was responsible for the brutal time travel violence of The Terminator, two of the greatest science fiction sequels (Aliens & T2), Arnold Schwarzenegger's last badass film (True Lies), and the Michael Crichtonesque CGI wizardry of The Abyss.  And I was one of his blind followers.  But by the end of 1997 the Emperor was revealed to have no clothes.  And I was lost.  Titanic might have captured the passions of teenage girls everywhere, and confused a couple of critics, but hindsight has certainly been unkind to this epic pile of Teen Beat blather.  Two appalling poor boy stereotypes con their way onto the doomed cruiser and before they meet their watery demise, the pretty kid falls madly in love with the painfully cliche snooty girl.  It's all just biding time until Cameron's magicians unleash holy hell upon the damned and the audience is granted nearly an hour of beautiful devastation...and Billy Zane stumbling about firing his limp pistol.  But somehow James Cameron would fool us all again with Avatar, but at least that Fern Gully abortion never took home Oscar.

2.  Chicago:  I don't really have much to say on this one.  I just don't get it.  Sure, musicals have never been my thing (unless we're talking The Blues Brothers), but even in 2002 when cinema seemed to be at its most bleak, there were far superior films compared to this shallow glitz.  About Schmidt.  The Quiet American.  Adaptation.  Swimfan....uh...  The only reason I can think that this took home Best Picture is because Academy voters were saddened by the previous year's failing to award Moulin Rouge - another film I don't quite get, but recognize as a far greater achievement in originality than this bland broadway adaptation.  And Richard Gere?  You must never sing again.  You too Catherine Zeta Jones.  And let's just gag Renee Zellweger while we're at it.

1.  Crash:  When I think Oscar bait, I think Crash.  A film manipulated with both literal and metaphorical crashes of humanity.  Whites.  Blacks.  Latinos.  Rich.  Poor.  All racist.  And when forced to interact with each other they must face the best and worst of themselves.  Just gross writing.  In a year that also saw nominations for Capote, Goodnight & Good Luck, Munich, and Brokeback Mountain the win for Crash was a slap in the face of good taste.  A heinous, condescending picture populated with struggling stars of yesteryear.  This win in 2005 pretty much cemented my contempt for award shows, and I stayed away from the Oscars till 2011 - the year Matt & I started this blog.

So yeah, that's the suck of Oscar.  But when you look at the previous 84 films labeled Best Picture, the majority of them are damn fine movies.  Sure, maybe not the best films of their chosen years, but most of them are not Crash.  Most of them are Out of Africa, perfectly crafted dramas worthy of attention and some of them are Lawrence of Arabia, genuine masterpieces.  Warning:  Lawrence of Arabia does not appear in my Top Five Best Picture winners, it's genius, but it's also not my personal favorite David Lean film.

5.  The Godfather:  What can I possibly add to the Godfather lovefest?  It's a brilliant picture.  Obviously.  And it's melodrama, like Titanic.  Only expertly written and brimming with traumatic surprises inflicted upon it's characters.  Some pick the sequel over the original, but for my money, the first film is just a cleaner, crisper fall from grace.  Al Pacino was never better and would never be better than he was as Michael Corleone, the youngest son desperately trying to stay free from the family business and eventually succumbing to a world of violence.

4.  The French Connection:  Gene Hackman is a bastard.  His pitbull detective nearly destroys everything and everyone around him as he chases the trail of a narcotic ring, his victory seeming meaningless next to the hunt.  It's an extremely pessimistic tale, but quintessential of 70s filmmaking and it represents an attitude sorely missed in contemporary Hollywood.  Although, fingers crossed, mean movies will retake their hold on American audiences.

3.  The Bridge on the River Kwai:  Like the age old battle between Beatles & Stones fans, you're either a Lawrence of Arabia guy or a River Kwai man.  Obviously, I appreciate the necessary destruction of pride and the jungle horrors of Japanese death camps.  William Holden is the definition of dogged determination as the escaped GI willing & ready to lead a commando deathsquad back into the horrors of Thailand.  But it's Alec Guinness' stubborn S.O.B. officer that steals the show, and I'm always struck by his righteous realization in the last few moments.  This is pain.  This is regret.  This is madness.

2.  Casablanca:  I saw Casablanca late in life.  About six years ago.  Due to its "classic" status I had always avoided the film as not possibly living up to its reputation.  I was wrong.  Casablanca is a classic for a reason.  It's a love story.  But not really.  It's a love-long-gone story.  And as such it's all about loss.  Humphrey Bogart manages to ooze anger and anguish while still looking badass in a white suit.  Claude Raines is the ultimate lackey.  And when I think Nazi I now see Conrad Veidt instead of the palm scarred Toht.   It might have spawned a dozen catchphrases, but Casablanca earns every soundbite sting.

1.  Unforgiven:  I'm not sure if Unforgiven was the first Western I ever saw, but it most certainly was the first Western I remember seeing.  I was 13 at the time.  The perfect age.  Not only does it cast off John Wayne types, but it goes for the throat on characters that Eastwood himself had portrayed - Josey Wales, The Man With No Name - these are murders, not heroes.  Unforgiven reminds us of this fact; it's a film disgusted with violence and violent characters.  It tricks you into sympathizing with a killer and pulls the rug out from you in its final saloon shootout.  Just as Reservoir Dogs sent this budding film fan into VHS stores to collect Hong Kong actioners, Unforgiven sent me diving into Howard Hawkes and Sergio Leone.  For that alone, it will remain a personal treasure.

--Brad

Dork Art: Mucho Machismo

Yeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhh.  Jon Smith tears it up with this hulkish print announcing the Mucho Machismo show from Spoke Art.  It's stuff like this that makes me wish I lived on the West Coast.

--Brad

Brad's Week In Dork! (6/3/12-6/9/12)

This Week in Dork was all about the Alien Saga and the build to Friday's Prometheus.  Not just one of my most anticipated films of the summer, but of the whole year, Prometheus stirred up some complicated emotions I was not really expecting.  As a means of preparation for the new Ridley Scott film, I decided to watch the Alien films in reverse order.  That may or may not have been a good idea.  Not sure if I should have bothered trying to fit Prometheus into that cannon...at least not Aliens, Alien 3, and Resurrection.

The other big news this week was that I made my Podcast debut on the After Movie Diner's special report on the Wizard World Philadelphia Comic Con.  It was a great honor to appear on the show and I really had blast discussing my insane Shatner love with Jon and he didn't seem to mind my inane Cosplay ramblings.  Hopefully you wont' either.  Also, if you listen closely you'll hear Matt giggling in the background as I proclaim my Moontrap love.  Hopefully this will be the first of many Podcast appearances; a new wave of ITMOD world domination has begun.

If by some crazy psychological mixup, you're not listening to the After Movie Diner than you're really missing one of the whackier and extremely entertaining podcasts out there.  Absolutely loved the last ep dissecting Stuart Gordon's Re-Animator, From Beyond, Castle Freak, and featuring a great interview with actress Barbara Crampton.  Really looking forward to her appearance in the home invasion flick You're Next.

To listen to the episode just click HERE.

MOVIES OF THE WEEK!

Alien - Resurrection:  "A Beautiful, Beautiful Butterfly!" If you watch this film after Alien, Aliens, and Alien 3 you might come away filled with a shrugging, eye-rolling hate. But if you watch Resurrection alone...and try to forget everything else you've seen before in the franchise...than it's not all that bad. For Joss Whedon, the crew of the Betty is a dry run for the crew of the Serenity and I really do love Brad Dourif's taunting affection for his cloned creations.  However, there's no denying that Jean-Pierre Jeunet directs the performances into the uber-heights of screaming melodrama, and his Newborn mewling baby still gives me a serious case of oogie nausea.  That thing is just gross.

Alien 3:  The 2003 cut of Alien 3 adds a little more religion and sacrifice to the conversation and it hints at a possible Great film behind David Fincher's lens. But what I take away most from the third act in the Alien franchise is just how filthy and disgusting the prison planet, Fury 161 truly is--roaches, roaches, roaches. Aliens was always going to be a tough act to follow and maybe going back to the formula of the first film was the right choice, but in making another space slasher you guarantee comparisons to greatness where James Cameron cleverly avoided that by jumping genres. Still, this is not the crap film most would have you believe. Weaver is fantastic as the brutalized Ripley, and the monstrous convicts she has for help are a fascinating collection of characters.  Much more interesting than James Cameron's  gung ho marines.

Aliens:  I've seen Aliens so many times I can watch the film whenever I want just by closing my eyes.  And with such a familiarity, some of the shine has worn away.  Sure, James Cameron took the original haunted space house narrative and transformed it into one of the best action films of the 1980s.  But the action thrills don't grab me the same way that the chills and world building of the original still manage to muster.  Sigourney Weaver's Ripley is dragged back into the xenomorph horror with the help corporate stooge Paul Reiser, and Michael Biehn leads a platoon of supreme badasses against the alien threat. But the real stars of the film are Stan Winston's beautifully grotesque creatures crawling outta the walls and bursting from chest cavities.  I miss puppets.

Alien:  My 10th Favorite Film of All Time. Alien does not simply succeed on the success of HR Giger's Alien design or the stunning set work. With the exception of possibly John Carpenter's The Thing, this cast is unparalleled in genre cinema. Tom Skerritt, Yaphet Kotto, Harry Dean Stanton, John Hurt, Ian Holm, Veronica Cartwright, and Sigourney Weaver. They sell the environment around the dinner table, their joking, their barbs, their vitriol. And when the star beast starts slashing its way through the cast, they sell the terror with their fear shrieks and cries of anger. Ridley Scott masters the build with Alien, and the creature feature climax does not disappoint thanks to the first 2/3rds of character & tension building.

Dragnet:  Yeah. That's right. I love Dragnet. The Movie. Forget the tv show. The movie is where it's at. Dan Aykroyd never cracks a smile as Detective Friday, even when he's partnered with the hyper sexual lug that is Tom Hanks' wisecracking Pep Streebek. The film is totally 80s with its high hair, pointless strip club sequences, Dabney Coleman lisping, and Alexandra Paul's ultimate hapless virgin. Christopher Plummer is far too entertaining as the priest gone P.A.G.A.N. and his sleazy smile steals every scene. Cheeze. But glorious cheeze.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming-

Prometheus:  Full disclosure. I am going to have to see this movie again. I've been looking forward to Prometheus since its production start, but my anticipation for the Alien prequel exploded when I first glimpsed footage at last year's San Diego Comic Con. So, as with most similar cinematic situations, the film failed to match my ridiculous fanboy anticipation. 

While watching Prometheus I couldn't help but recall the crew of the Nostromo, a crew of space truckers scrounging the cosmos as a means of making a buck; who fall victim to corporate greed and a pesky intergalactic terror.  As stated above, what works so dang well with that original Alien are the interactions between the characters and the twisty path their narratives take--the typical heroic Captain fails to save the day, the science officer goes white blood crazy, the pushy intense Number 2 takes the lead and saves the cat, etc. But the crew of the Prometheus never wanders from their cliched archetypes. Noomi Rapace's true believer scientist runs the show with her faith and never wavers, Charlize Theron's ice queen plants herself as an unlikable witch, Michael Fassbender's mysteriously untrustworthy droid remains mysteriously untrustworthy. There's barely an arc to their story. Very frustrating. 

But maybe it's unfair to compare the two crews. Maybe I just need to accept their placement within the plot. Focus on that. Ok. It's a solid science fiction tale in which a group of scientists attempt to discover the engineers of mankind and it's all kinda woo-y Chariots of the Gods stuff. A staple of UFO genre fiction. 

Where the film really works is in Ridley Scott's eye. He paints an absolutely beautiful picture with brilliant sets, costume design, special effects, and yes, creature work. Charlize Theron & Michael Fassbender are phenomenal even in their narrowly defined roles and surrounded by bumbling dimbulb biologists--AND don't even get me started on that punk rock geologist. Fassbender's David is probably the most fascinating character in the film with his daddy issues and cinematic hero worship. And damit, I kept hoping Theron & Fassbender were going to wrestle the script away from Rapace and her super annoying boyfriend. There was a great film tucked behind their characters, just waiting to break free. 

Again, I want to see this movie for a second round. Since the credits rolled it's all I've been thinking about. So that right there means it had a serious effect on me. And I'm guessing now that those pesky expectations can be put to the side, I can just sit back and enjoy. And I really cannot wait to see this flick on blu ray.

COMICS OF THE WEEK!

Batman - Death By Design:  This is one of those stand alone Batman graphic novels that doesn't quite fit into the continuity of the comic, but doesn't negate it either. Writer Chip Kidd & artist Dave Taylor look to the Batman of yesteryear for a retro tale of corporate fraud, architecture terrorism, and The Joker (yeah, him again). It's an absolutely stunning book and even if the story had been absolutely crap, this hardcover would totally be worth its $24.99 price tag. Thankfully, this art deco beauty has a fun narrative as well. A young Bruce Wayne is still finding his way under the cowl when a series of devastating mishaps occur during the construction of the new Wayne Central Station. What do these "accidents" have to do with his father's legacy? And who is the mysterious Exacto? And why does the Clown Prince of Crime seem so interested in Wayne's crumbling foundation? I would hate to think this is a one time deal from Kidd & Taylor, as I would like to see a whole series of retro Bat adventures from them.

Batman - Knightfall Volume 2:  Bane has broken The Batman. Crippled, Bruce Wayne leaves Gotham in the hands of the brainwashed Jean Paul Valley aka Azrael, the psychotic vigilante haunted by the ghost of his father and the religious order of St. Dumas. Bwwwwaaa huh? Wayne should probably have done a little more research on his successor, and for 600 + pages, this new techno Batman brutalizes the rogues of Gotham. Sure, sure, sure, he fights the usuals like The Joker and Clayface Three (uh, don't ask), but the real fun of this ridiculously 90s epic are the whack-o, who-the-hell-are-they villains like Gunhawk, Abattoir, and the quickdraw cowboy twins Tom & Tad. You need these newbie freaks for Psycho Bats to execute.  After all he can't be the one to actually take down The Joker. Honestly, I much preferred the this volume of Knightfall to the first if only cuz Batman is not such a sickly, wimpy mess. And I kinda adore the idiocy of these 90s bad guys.  Yep, looking forward to Volume 3 where Bats takes back the cowl.

Baltimore - The Curse Bells:  Christopher Golden & Mike Mignola team up once more for the second volume of Baltimore. Set shortly after the events of The Great War, Lord Baltimore travels to Lucerne Switzerland on the hunt for the one-eyed vampire beast that killed his entire family.  The Curse Bells feels like the best of Hammer Horror, Ben Stenbeck's monstrous illustrations deliver chills as vampire nuns cry tears of blood and a wannabe dictator carves his fate from a sacrificial womb. This is epic comic book horror. The first Baltimore trade was fun, but The Curse Bells is one of the best horror comics to come our way in a long, long time.  A Must Read.

Before Watchmen - Minutemen #1:  Well, here's the first in DC Comics' Watchmen cash-in event.  And yeah, it still feels funny.  And pointless.  Don't get me wrong, Darwyn Cooke's art is bloody fantastic and he's the perfect fit for the origins of the Minutemen crime fighting team.  But based on this first issue, I just don't get the point of exploring the backstory of these minor characters from Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons' original book.  We got all we needed back in the 80s.  This just feels unnecessary.  I'm not gonna bother with the other books unless I start to hear rave reviews, and I probably will only pick up the trade of Minutemen cuz I love Darwyn Cooke's art so much.

X-O Manowar #2:  This reboot on the other hand I'm absolutely enjoying.  Not sure if I care about the other new Valiant books but with its crazy brains alien religion, visigoth warrior mentality, mighty morphin power suit, and Cary Nord's stunning art, X-O Manowar is one of the most entertaining books on the stand right now.  Granted we're only two issues into the new series and it can all go tits up but so far soooooo good.  And now that the keeper of Shannara has been chosen, it looks like we're gonna get a whole bunch of spider alien hate crimes.  Excellent.

Ragemoor #3:  With only one more issue of the mini series to go, we're finally starting to get some focus to the plot.  Master Herbert's desires for Anoria are threatened when the sneaky poacher Tristano sneaks into her bed chamber for some late night loving.  Well, as a groundskeeper of a living castle, he's got a whole mess load of diabolical masonry and skullheaded baboons at his disposal and his actions will be devastating.  But will the lovely Anoria be persuaded by his charms or just chuck herself into oblivion?  Not being a cheery book, Master Herbert might have to find new beauties to obsess over.  Plenty of squid creatures and beetle men hanging around.

B.P.R.D. Hell on Earth - The Transformation of J.H. O'Donnell:  Here's a quick one-shot that finally reveals the origin of the nutjob occult investigator JH O'Donnell and it's all very typical BPRDish kinda stuff.  Spooky houses, cult sacrifices, and plenty of sadness.  Via flashback, it's great to see Hellboy pop up for a little while and I really hope that artist Max Fiumara returns to the series on a more regular basis since his illustrations perfectly capture the depressing nature of this new world Hell on Earth universe.  But this is just a breather until we're back on board The Devil's Engine.

MUSIC OF THE WEEK!

Avery Brooks' Here Album:  The Wife picked this up last week at the Philadelphia Comic Con and I've been listening to it in chunks during car rides back and forth from work.  It's a typically jazzy creation you would expect from the man called Hawk, and it is laced with the beautifully weird and wonky philosophy glimpsed at during William Shatner's The Captains documentary.  Here is definitely not for your average joe, you gotta have some serious Star Trek or Spencer For Hire love to truly appreciate it's tones, but if you're willing than you'll have a blast with both the jazz and spoken word (soooo much spoken word).

Art by Francesco Francavilla

--Brad

Dork Art: Are You Mom Enough?

Oh, Internet, how I love you.  I don't care one bit about this Time Magazine blah blah blah controversy. But I do love this Aliens spoof.

--Brad

A Fistful of Happy Birthday, Roger Corman!

Yesterday marked the 86th Birthday of the man commonly refereed to as "The King of the B's" but as anyone who's seen the recent documentary Corman's World knows, that's a title that never settled well with the man himself.  Personally, what I love about all...well, most of--uh, several of the movies directed or produced by Roger Corman is his go-for-it willpower driven cinema.  The movies don't have the talent or the money but they've got a concept and they drive it home to the best of their abilities.  A lot of dogs are born, but there are some serious gems to be celebrated.  

But for this week's Fistful, instead of championing my all time favorite Corman flicks (you can see those over at cineAWESOME! where I gushed during one of last year's Top 7 Tuesdays), I thought I would list the films I'm still dying to see.  For the last couple of years I've been obsessing over Corman and these are the handful of flicks I have yet to track down.  And I just know there's gold to be found here.

5.  Piranha II: The Spawning:  After contributing some second unit work for Corman's Galaxy of Terror, James Cameron was given the reins to this flying fish sequel to the Joe Dante semi-classic.  I love the first film, and as much as I loathe recent efforts like Avatar & Titanic, you can't help but geek out over The Terminator and Aliens.  But somehow I've managed to avoid the Piranha sequel.  Need to fix that.  Plus, this is the film that first partnered Cameron with Lance Henriksen, who plays the Jaws-like police chief on the hunt.  Netflix apparently has a cheap dvd, but I'd kinda like to see a transfer of some quality.  A pipe dream probably.  

4.  Sorceress:  Not to be confused with The Warrior & The Sorceress or Sorcerer.  The first time I saw the trailer for this film was on the Alamo Drafthouse edition of 42nd Street Forever and it blew my mind.  A couple of Playmate Twin Warriors battle it out with a satyr, a not quite Chimera-not quite Griffin Lion Monster, and boobs, boob, boobs!  It looks bonkers and I must have it.  Seriously, get this thing on DVD Shout Factory!

3.  It Conquered The World:  I've actually seen this a long time ago, but it was wonderfully interrupted by the MST3K geniuses.  But now that I've developed a proper taste for Corman I want to experience this rubber creature feature pure.  Peter Graves and Lee Van Cleef lure It from the planet Venus and Alien Hell follows.  Include Corman regulars Jonathan Haze and Dick Miller and you've got some serious cheezy potential.  This has been on crappy DVD before but I want a cheap Film Chest blu ray like last year's The Terror.

2.  Machine Gun Kelly:  Not currently available on blu ray or dvd, I did just discover seconds ago that the whole film is up on YouTube and I am going to watch it the very second I finish with this post.  As a  child of the 1980s, Charles Bronson's Death Wish franchise was incredibly important with instilling an unhealthy amount of fear about the big city.  I remember when we first moved to the outskirts of Washington DC, I was deathly afraid of venturing into the Capitol because that's where the gangs were--that's where Jeff Goldblum's rapist stalked the streets!  Hmmmm...Death Wish was probably not the best movies for a ten year old to watch, I guess.  But it did introduce me to the badass that is Charles Bronson and I devoured several of his films as a result of that fear; I needed him to get my back.  Mr. Majestyk (which also introduced me to Elmore Leonard).  Once Upon A Time In The West.  Hard Times.  10 To Midnight.  Murphy's Law.  But I've never seen this biopic.  Can't wait to correct that.  Should be a good companion piece to other Corman gangster flicks like The St. Valentine's Day Massacre and Capone.

1.  Apache Woman:  As far as I'm concerned this is the Holy Grail of Corman films.  I've been trying to track down a copy for years and it doesn't appear to be available in any format, bootleg or legit.  The film stars Lloyd Bridges and Joan Taylor, but the real desire to see this flick comes from the fact that it's Dick Miller's first.  As you should all know by now, both Matt & I are great admirers of Miller and we grew up fascinated by his short terms in The Howling, The Terminator, Gremlins, and Explorers.  Not to mention his starring role as beatnik wannabe Walter Paisley in my all time favorite Roger Corman effort, Bucket of Blood (which Matt still hasn't seen and you should all get on his case about that).  For Apache Woman he plays not one, but two roles: the Indian Tall Tree & the cowboy Ed.  And, SPOILER ALERT, apparently one Miller kills the other in the climactic shootout.  That's just something all cinephiles should see.  So please, if anyone out there in Internetland knows of a copy, send it my way.

--Brad