Matt’s Week in Dork! (8/10/14-8/16/14)

    A light week on movies.  Actually, kinda light on everything dork related.  Didn’t even finish any books or read any comics.  No real excuse.  Just busy with other things.

Guardians of the Galaxy:  A fun second viewing.  That’s pretty much how I’d describe this film.  Fun.  It’s wild and weird and goofy.  Great soundtrack, crowd pleasing, humorous, and adventurous.  A good time at the theater.

Speed Racer:  I’ve ranted about this film time and again.  I love it.  As a Kung Fu film, as a family film, as a Technicolor mad-machine of weirdness.  Not for the hipster.  Not for the cynic.  For those with hearts open.  Awesome.

To Be or Not To Be:  I just couldn’t get into this film.  There are some funny bits, and some sad bits.  And I know it was largely about facing the demons so many European refugees faced when fleeing the Nazis.  So, to a degree, I feel bad about not giving a crap.  Of the Ernst Lubitsch films I’ve seen so far, this was by far the weakest.

    In my ongoing quest to destroy and rebuild Ben’s psyche into a film ubermensch, I subjected him to the film equivalent of psychotropic drugs, Beyond the Black Rainbow.  I always feel like I’ve done my job when he says some permutation of “that’s the weirdest movie I’ve seen.”  So, success!

Beyond the Black Rainbow:  One weird-ass movie.  An homage to all those awesome, late 70s/early 80s sci-fi/horror films by the likes of John Carpenter and David Cronnenberg, it’s unsettling and odd.  It’s one of my favorite films of recent years, in part because it captures so well the feel of the movies I loved and was scared of when I was a lad.

Ironclad: Battle For Blood:  Ugh.  This features some of the most egregious abuse of shaky-cam footage I’ve ever seen.  And that’s saying something.  The script, the acting, the everything.  It sucks.  I’m all for medieval movies, even on a low budget, but this is cheap.  But at least there’s a scene where a guy gets raped, and the movie seems to be saying it was a good thing and he liked it.

You got red on you.

    Saturday, Rebecca and I headed into DC, where we grabbed a quick bite to eat at Shake Shack.  Then headed over to the National Portrait Gallery to watch Buster Keaton’s College, featuring Andrew Greene accompanying on the piano.  It was an excellent showing, with a good and varied crowd.  DC continues to be full of surprises and wonderful little opportunities.  On the way back, I did a bit of exploring, taking the Blue Line out to Old Town Alexandria, then a bus back home.  I found a few places I’d like to check out, but overall that corridor seems to be pretty bland.

College:  If you can get past the scene where Buster Keaton does blackface, which is…um…pretty awful, this movie is extremely enjoyable.  It’s cute, with lots of darned fine physical comedy.  Buster Keaton has a weird sort of deadpan charm that makes him oddly loveable, even when he’s being a bumbling dolt.

    By chance, I tuned in to TCM and caught their Essentials film of the week, a Hitchcock thriller I’d been wanting to see for some time, Foreign Correspondent.

Foreign Correspondent:  Solid Hitchcock, with all the clever dialog, tension, and paranoia.  I love the cast, with even thugs being played by excellent folks.  Beautifully shot, as usual.  Though about WWII, it feels very Cold War to me.  But then, as it takes place before war is declared, I guess that makes sense.  The finale is really crazy.

Brothers Five:  Plenty of fighting and camera zooms in this enjoyable, if slightly silly, Kung Fu fighter.  Cheng Pei-Pei gathers five lost brothers to avenge their father’s death.  There’s a lot of weapon fighting in this one, which I like.  And there are some pretty darned cool bits.  There are better films from the Shaw Brothers, but this one is pretty good.

    That’s pretty much it.  Though I have been listening to a lot of David Bowie.  Loaded up Low, Space Oddity, Hunky Dory, and Aladdin Sane.  Good stuff.

-Matthew J. Constantine

A Fistful of the Maligned! (Matt’s Picks)

Sexy Frankenstein!

    Every year, as the nation tries to catch its breath, trim some of its holiday fat, and generally get back into the swing of things, Hollywood dumps a bunch of mid-level or less films, movies the studios have little to no faith in, or that featured various problematic productions.  The stuff they’ve spent the money on, but don’t want to put any more effort into selling to the public.  The dregs and the castoffs.  And on occasion, the really amazing films that come out of nowhere.

    So as we prepare to sift through the mud, looking for a pearl or two, co-Dork Brad and I are looking at a few movies that have, for whatever reason, never quite hit it off with the adoring public.  Those movies we love, that were/are hated by the general viewer.  As Brad pointed out, given enough time, most movies will find their audience.  And as we’re glowing examples of, the internet will give those audiences a voice.  So, hear my voice as I give you a rundown of five of my favorite movies that nobody seems to like.  And I’m not even going to bring up the fourth Indiana Jones film…oh, wait, I just did (read my review of that film here).

5.  Southland Tales:  Richard Kelly’s follow-up to the cult favorite Donnie Darko was over-ambitious, over-long, over-budget, and way, way over-weird for it to possibly be a success.  The first time I watched it (on video, because I never even saw rumor of it playing in theaters), I stared for all two hours and twenty five minutes, mouth agape, marveling at what I was seeing.  Was I watching a colossal disaster, or a glimpse at genius?  At the end of my first viewing, I could not answer that.  But I was so effected by the film that I went out the next day and purchased a copy, brought it home and watched it again (subjecting Brad to it at the same time).  Upon second viewing, I fell firmly on the side of genius.  A fully realized alternate world, with countless subplots, weird technologies and religions, wildly weird characters, cracking and funny dialog, and one of the first truly great Dwayne Johnson performances.  Can I understand why it didn’t connect with people?  Yes.  Absolutely.  In no way am I surprised that this film is A) largely unseen and B) disliked by most who have seen it.  But I love it.  A lot.

4.  The Adventures of Baron Munchhausen:  Terry Gilliam is a divisive fellow anyway.  You’ve got a lot of folks like me, who sing the praises of his bent, surreal masterworks like Brazil and Time Bandits.  And then you’ve got folks (again, like me) who love his mainstream success, 12 Monkeys.  But there’s not a lot of love out there for his fantasy adventure film The Adventures of Baron Munchhausen, featuring a then 60 something John Neville as the titular character, a man of tall tales and taller personality.  With every visual trick in his fairly thick book, Gilliam created a disconcerting world of creepy and funny characters, drawing on history and fairy tale in equal parts.  It’s funny and scary, heart warming and heart breaking, and all such a joy to watch.  But few people seem to have seen it, and fewer still to have thought much of it.  Like the other oft forgotten or ignored fantasy film, The Dark Crystal, this movie holds a very special place deep in my heart.  And the Baron remains one of my all time favorite characters.

3.  The English Patient:  OK, how do I justify a Best Picture winner?  Well, since this movie won the Oscar, it’s made almost every ‘worst film to win an Oscar’ list I’ve seen.  And whenever I mention the film, I get a groan and an eye-roll, like when you mention a particularly dense book someone was forced to read in high school.  But this is not only one of my favorite movies, it’s also a film I unabashedly point to when people say ‘the book is always better than the movie,’ and shout ‘not always!’  Almost everything I love about film comes from the script/direction by the late, great Anthony Minghella.  Almost nothing comes from the book, which ranks among the worst things I’ve ever read.  The film captures the epic story of lives torn apart and thrust together by war, the hope and excitement of archeology and exploration, the wonder and pangs of new love, the awful way we treat each other and the deep need we have to share our lives.  It’s gorgeous, with swelling music and amazing performances.  And it’s the closest thing to a classic epic of yesteryear I’ve seen in a long time.  For me, this movie sits alongside Lawrence of Arabia for its emotional impact and wistful draw.  And like Casablanca, as I age and experience more of the ups and downs of life, the movie means more and more to me.

2.  Speed Racer:  So people hated the Matrix sequels.  I know.  Though I enjoyed much of the second film, and actually really like the third, they didn’t go in the direction I’d have liked; that’s for sure.  In stead of creating an epic science fiction action trilogy about humanity and its war with the machines, what we actually got was an action glossed meditation on philosophy and mythology.  OK.  So, when Speed Racer came out, I think most people didn’t give two craps about it.  In part because they were so disappointed with the Matrix films, and in part because most people didn’t even remember the original Japanese cartoon the film was based on.  Add to that, no stars to get too excited about and a PG rating, and I think it just didn’t have the muscle to drag people to the multiplex.  When you watch the film, you’re likely tempted to just enjoy the light show and let the content pass you buy.  On the surface, it’s a bright, flashy cartoon with some live action actors goofing off.  But if you look deeper, the film is a heart-felt ode to the love of family and the pursuit of excellence.  Upon repeat viewing, I realized that Speed Racer is actually a masterful Kung Fu film, that involves Speed’s quest for self awareness and his eventual enlightenment.  The scene where he’s racing his brother’s ghost actually gets me choked up just thinking about it.  And the final race, when reality itself bends around Speed and he finally becomes one with everything is visually beautiful and emotionally uplifting in a way movies rarely reach.  Part of me feels that this film will eventually develop a cult following, and I’d love to catch it on some revival tour.  I would very much love to see it on the big screen again.

1.  Howard the Duck:  For this Dork, the 80s were a magical time, filled with movies about how dancing or rocking hard enough could change the world.  And it was a time filled with movies that make you sit back and say, ‘how the deuce did this ever get made?!’  Howard the Duck is one of the best examples of this, and one of those films that captures an aspect of my essential self many who know me don’t quite understand.  I have many friends who know the wonder of Big Trouble in Little China, Commando, and Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.  But even my most die-hard, wacky, nerd buddies won’t go to the mat for Howard.  I will.  I have.  From Lea Thompson’s frizzy haired rocker-girl to Jeffery Jones’s wild-eyed alien possessed scientist, I love almost every minute of this film.  It goes for it in a way movies did for a brief time in the 80s, without all the 90s ‘whatever,’ wannabe hipster irony and cynicism.  And you know what?  I like the romance.  Though never consummated, I like the idea that this short, alien duck man can still find love with a beautiful woman, and that she can see through his outer shell to the good hearted dreamer inside.  As Shakespeare once said, ‘haters gonna hate.’  But I love this movie, and I don’t care how many dissenting voices call out against it.

-Matt

A Fistful of Criterion Wannabes! (Matt’s Picks)

    This week, we here at In the Mouth of Dorkness are putting together wish lists.  These are the movies we want the special edition maestros of the Criterion Collection to get their film-loving little hands on; a few movies that might not be on their radar.  A year ago, Seconds would have appeared on this list, but it just got the Criterion treatment, so its spot opens to something else.  And Things to Come?  Amazing.  With the Zatoichi films coming, I would love to see the entire classic run of Godzilla get a serious box-set.  In the meantime, here are some films that beg (I can hear 'em) for Criterion DVDs.

5.  The Fountain:  This is one of my favorite films, and the DVD has almost no special features.  The Blu is only slightly better.  What’s the story with the aborted version?  What about the graphic novel?  How about those special effects?  I want more than a few featurettes.  I want some serious stuff.  Commentary, documentary, motion comics even.  No less than 2 disks.  Bring it on.

4.  The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari:  This silent film is such a mindblowingly strange film it pretty much created the career (remember his early years were good) of Tim Burton.  It’s freaky, surreal, fanciful, and filled with enough visual flare for a dozen movies.  I would love to see a collection of directors talking about the film’s influence on their work.  A documentary about the film, or the filmmakers would be welcome as well.  And how complete is it?  How cleaned up can it be?  How about a biography on actor Conrad Veidt?  What little I know about that guy seems flippin’ fascinating.

3.  The Warriors:  This is a true Urban Fantasy film.  After the assassination of the new Gang Messiah, one gang must make an Odyssey-like quest across the hostile world of the City.  Facing various other gangs, the siren song of women, inner demons, and dangers untold, Swan and his people learn what’s really important.  The Warriors is a movie like no other, a strange journey into idealized gangs.  Along with Walter Hill’s other masterpiece Streets of Fire (which should also get the Criterion treatment), it helps to establish a certain mysterious and wonderful early 80s cinematic language.

2.  Lost Highway:  No love for Lynch from Criterion?  Lost Highway is the ultimate expression of what I love about David Lynch’s films.  The characters, the look, the odd dialog, the perplexing plot progression.  It’s all so wrong it’s right.  It may not be the most pure Lynch film (probably Inland Empire), but it’s perfect to me.  And, as usual, the DVD release was bare bones.  How about a nice two disk set, with Pretty as a Picture, the excellent documentary, conversations with the director and actors, and maybe even excerpts from the book Lynch on Lynch.  Short films, commercials, music.  Barry Gifford doing readings from Night People.  There’s so much that could accompany the movie, and give it more context.

1.  Speed Racer:  Opinions are, by their nature, subjective.  But your negative opinion of this film is wrong.  An amazing Kung Fu film of the highest order, blasted into your third eye with a Technicolor lightening bolt.  It’s not about racing, it’s about excellence.  It’s about the ultimate enlightenment.  It is about Kung Fu.  Like the great masters of the Martial Arts films, when Speed finally transcends, achieving Nirvana, he shapes the world not according to physics, but according to will.  He acts as one with the universe.  Add to that, and the candy-colored futropolis, a great story about family and love, and you've got something special.  Yet, the film did not connect with John Q. Lunchbox.  And I would argue that the reason may be more simple than many would think.  Speed Racer is an Art Film.  It has the trappings of a big-budget Hollywood blockbuster, but at its Zen center, it is a spiritual journey through perception and self-knowledge.  It may not be in black & white.  They may not speak French.  And it may not end in ‘fin.’  But Speed Racer is an art film.

    Sure, I could’a picked some Hong Kong melodramas about Gong Li looking sad (I do love those), or something depressing from France.  But not all art has to be about depression.  And some movies can leave you feeling pretty good…and that’s OK.  No.  It’s better than OK.  It’s pretty great.

-Matt

Matt’s Week in Dork! (3/24/13-3/30/13)

    On Monday night I went to see a school play directed by the Bride of Dork, Lisa.  Cute stuff.  School plays are a fascinating thing.  I remember doing a couple performances as a kid.  It was super stressful and extremely difficult.  But I look back and think how easy everything was and how little it mattered.  I wish I’d been able to simply enjoy it.  But I couldn’t when I was that age.


Olympus Has Fallen:  OK, I know this is a broken record here, but seriously, they’ve got to stop using CGI blood in action movies.  It NEEDS to stop.  This had the potential to be a really fun 80s style crazy action movie.  There are hundreds of acts of violence, but the CG robs them of their power.  It’s still fun, but not nearly as much as it should be.  And frankly, the final act doesn’t live up to the jingoistic silliness of the first half.  If only the villain could have been stabbed with an American flag, or at least be killed in front of a painting of Washington or something.  But the finale ends up being more generic shooting and punching.  It’s an extremely dumb movie, but it was mildly enjoyable.  With bloody squibs going off, it could have been much better.

Doctor Who: Season 7 Part 1:  “1938.  We just bounced off it.”  I’m still having fun watching this show.  But, it has some flaws, and those flaws are becoming more profound.  Part of the problem is a lack of grounding; a melodramatic streak that gets wider by the episode keeps shooting over the top so many times it has become like the proverbial boy who called wolf.  At some point, the cry ceases to be scary or impressive.  The rousing speeches and sudden resets after the story has been written into a corner steal the impact of any later dangers.  It all becomes too easy to fix.  A third of the population dies in an instant?  Wave a magic wand (sonic screwdriver) and suddenly, all is well.  Really?  Any drama is eroded by that kind of thing.  Again, the show is fun, but I’d like to see some changes; maybe writing staff, companions, tone.  I’m not sure.  While I don’t want a return to ‘the way things were,’ I’d like a return of some of the things that made the show successful.  I want crazy ideas, yes.  That’s Who.  But I also want interesting characters and plots, where danger feels real and the potential for failure (no matter how slight) feels like a possibility.  The Weeping Angels episode from this season was better than the previous.  I didn’t like the one (season 6?) where you actually saw them move.  They’re much creepier when you see them from the perspective of their victims, always frozen when you look at ‘em.  But otherwise, there weren’t any particular standout episodes.  Not really.  The dinosaur episode was amusing, but I wanted more Silurians and less friends from history.   I found the exit of Amy and Rory a bit of a letdown.  It’s OK.  There have been much worse.  But it left me cold.  Probably just an echo of my general feelings on recent seasons.  And when are they going to have a really interesting companion?  Enough with the pretty, 20 somethings who spend their time pining after the Doctor, subbing for the squeeing ladies who have (admittedly) helped propel the show into its newfound popularity.  (By the way, ladies, there are plenty of guys just as dorky around you every day, but they’re emotionally available, so you may want to keep clear).  Where is the new generation’s Jamie, or Leela, or Romana (I or II), or Vicki?  Martha and Rory are probably the best new companions, and they’re good.  But why do we have to keep meeting their family, and how about someone who isn’t from today’s UK?  After tantalizing us with Jack and River, even a few crazy possibilities like that girl stuck in a Dalek body, they’ve never lived up by giving the Doctor someone really wild to partner with.  In the classic run, he’s had two future dwelling super-geniuses, a savage girl from a failed human colony, a math wiz from another dimension, a Highlander, and a Time Lord (two regenerations worth), among others.  The new show could use something like that.  And a bit of restraint on the melodrama.  And an end of magic wand waving/reset button finales.

Onmyoji:  “I hear you have quite impressive skills.”  Demon haunted ancient Japan is in trouble.  It’s up to the Onmyoji, a bunch of astrologer/wizard/priests who like to smile at each other to save the world from all those danged monsters.  They smoke a lot of scrolls in the combating of evil.  There’s some weirdass crap for sure.  An interesting look into the more fantastic, magical side of the Samurai myths and stories.  This is some Twin Peaks Red Lodge kind of crazy stuff.

Magnum P.I. Season 2:  “Higgie Baby!”  Oh, man.  I just love this show.  The cast is so much fun to watch.  The wink & a smile stories and infrequent but well used Fourth Wall breaks, along with healthy helpings of early 80s cheese, make it intoxicatingly watchable.  I especially love episodes when Higgins gets in on the action.  The typical exasperated interplay between him and Magnum is great.  But when they work together the adventures are that much more fun.  Whenever the Magnum theme starts playing, I can’t help but have a giant smile on my face.

2010:  “Something is going to happen…Something wonderful.”  Destined to be a letdown, thanks to the all consuming love of the first film held by most cinefiles, 2010 is actually a very good, fairly realistic science fiction film.  It’s well made, well acted, and well written.  A great companion to movies like Alien, Outland, etc.  It obviously did not deliver what fans of 2001 wanted, but I think it delivered the goods, none the less.  Go in with an open mind and I think you’ll enjoy it just fine.  The last act is a bit iffy, but not bad.  Also, is Max gonna be a new Star Child?  And I do like that Time cover that shows the US and Russian leaders.

Ronan Gai:  “Samurai noodles!”  This homage to classic Samurai films does an excellent job of capturing the look and feel those venerable, violent epics of the 60s and 70s.  You would never guess it was made in the last 80s.  Four former samurai have fallen on hard times, their honor tarnished, their purses empty, their souls broken.  The film is a sad look at people who have lost their way, lost their purpose in life.  The four leads are some of the saddest sadsacks to ever sad up a movie.  The weird murder-gang story that slowly builds over the course of the film feels random, in spite of being integral to the, uh, plot(?).  I’m not sure if it’s cultural, something about the script, or what.  But I really didn’t get half of this movie, what was going on, who was doing what, or why for a large chunk of time.  Everyone seemed to be truly awful and vile, and whatever they did seemed bad.  But that is one nutty, drunken Johnny Depp samurai fight at the end.  He’s so tired and drunk and sweaty and half naked.  Whatever the problems with the film, the ending is pretty cool.  According to the trailer, “the last 17 minutes are the biggest massacre in history!”  I think if I was a) Japanese or b) more versed in Samurai culture or film, I’d have probably understood it more.  But even so, the overall feel of the passing of an era, the collapse of a societal system, is hard to miss.  These old warriors’ time has passed, and they have nowhere to go in the new world.  Very sad.

The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption:  “I smell delicious.”  The Mummy 2 hinted at some crazy fantasy adventures in the spin-off movie The Scorpion King.  Instead, we got a boring Xena episode, with pretty much no fantasy adventure at all.  Just guys with mullets and a lot of slow-mo.  The Scorpion King 2, which went straight to video, at least featured some weird elements, but they cast off the Egyptian mythology for over-used Greek stuff.  Combined with the prequel storyline, it seemed more like a Young Hercules movie than Scorpion King.  This movie tries to bring things back to the Mummy movies, if only in a few details.  There’s still precious little Egyptian mythology or weirder fantasy elements; no monsters, no gods, just a bit of magic and some resurrected warriors.  Once again, more Hercules & Xena, blending random bits of history and art from unrelated places and times.  The script is really bad, and the acting steps up to the plate, matching it swing for swing.  Like Abelar: Tales of an Ancient Empire (see my Week in Dork for March 3-9), this feels like somebody’s D&D group wrote a movie.  There’s way too much dialog.  A lot of scenes would have been better served by characters shutting up instead of saying especially stupid things.  Temuera Morrison and Ron Perlman show up to cash some checks.  But Billy Zane is there for other reasons.  Billy Zane is there for Art.  Sadly, the movie is really stupid.  Another chance to do a fun fantasy film squandered with bad writing and poor planning.  Also, it’s rated PG-13, so it can’t even attempt to make up for shortcomings in script with violence or T&A.  And that’s just lame.  But, when Billy Zane takes center stage as the villain, he elevates the movie to Nicolas Cage levels of class and subtlety (how much stuff does he have stashed in his crotch?).  For some reason, he seems to be playing the role as a slapstick comedian.  It’s so jarringly wrong for the movie, it somehow becomes right (could this be his On the Waterfront?).  Somehow, as stupid as the movie is, and as bad as the script is, Zane grabs it, breaks it like a wild horse, and rides it into the sunset of B-movie glory.  After this, I can see Zane dressing up in a bear suit and punching women or ranting about blood in his urine (see Nic Cage’s magnificent performances in the Wicker Man remake or Port of Call: New Orleans).  This is the Billy Zane who hangs with Derik Zoolander.  His performance alone almost makes up for how blah the rest of the film is.

    “You have no concept of the depth of my ire.”  With all this excitement, you might think I didn’t have time to start watching season 3 of Magnum P.I.  How wrong you’d be.  Shot shorts, mustache, baseball cap, sunglasses and all the cool millions of years of evolution could pack into one man’s body.  The first episode features an odd, extended sequence of TC doing his job (flying).  It’s actually pretty cool.  The scenery is amazing and it’s kind of fun to see TC just enjoying himself without Magnum messing with him.  The flashbacks get pretty intense in this one, with a bunch of racist lingo thrown around.  I’m not a fan of the flashback episodes.  But this one is so danged brutal.  And the ending.  Hardcore.  Then episode 2...Simon & Simon crossover!

Star Trek:  I’ve been a Trek fan since I was a wee lad.  My favorite of all is the original series.  So, keep that in mind when I sing this film’s praises.  While I love the original show, I’d hardly hold it up as ‘intellectual’ science fiction.  It was as much an action show as TV had in the 60s, with much more attention paid to fast moving stories and often heavy-handed morality than to well thought out scientific concepts and their ethical relationships with humanity in the future.  This film, like Wrath of Khan and First Contact, keeps the action rolling fast enough that you don’t worry about occasional logic leaps (have you watched Star Trek?  Logic leaps are not new).  It sets up an alternate timeline where Kirk’s life is drastically altered by a time event.  Ripples of that event  effect the universe in various ways, but fate seems to be determined to bring some people together.  I’m not a big fan of Kirk’s character arc in the film.  I don’t like the reluctant hero archetype, and I don’t like that they shoehorned Kirk into it.  Other than that and that the film’s plot follows the basic Wrath of Khan mold that most of the films have, I don’t have any major complaints about the movie.  It has a distinct look and feel, a solid cast who manage to avoid imitation while capturing the essence of their characters.  I would like to see filmmakers get back into space exploration and problem solving, as opposed to space battles and fist fights.  Still, if they’re gonna do action, they could do worse.

Quicksilver:  Kevin Bacon and his amazing mustache blows it hard at the stock exchange.  But through his fall he learns a life lesson, that being a bike messenger is the key to freedom.  As a warrior-poet once said, ‘breaks are death.’  Like everyone who was anyone in the 80s, he lives in a crazy unique apartment, occasionally lives via montage, and has great hair.  This has that feel, that magic feel that 80s movies had.  Some combination of the fashion, the movie making technology, I don’t know.  But it’s there.  Am I nuts or do they suddenly end up in San Francisco during a street race?  That doesn’t look like New York, and I think Alcatraz is in the background of one shot.  When I watched Premium Rush a few months back, I kept thinking how 80s it was, and kept remembering Quicksilver.  I’d never seen it, but the poster was up for years at every video rental shop around.  Premium Rush was clearly inspired by this film.  They both come from the same headspace.  I found myself enjoying this movie quite a bit.

G.I. Joe Retaliation:  After the travesty that was the first film, the powers that be must have listened to the backlash and said, ‘how about we make a movie where we actually use the property it’s based on for inspiration?’  This, unlike the first, is actually a G.I. Joe movie.  It’s like the cartoon made live-action.  The plot is ridiculous, the action silly, the resolution completely stupid.  Just like the show.  Cobra takes over the White House, old guys lend a hand, lots of stuff blows up, and Jonathan Price is clearly having the time of his life.  We finally get a real Cobra Commander doing his usual silly crap.  I could have dealt without all the ninja crap, but I never liked that in the cartoon, either.  However, I know a lot of the fans like Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes.  Me?  Meh.  The movie is stupid and silly.  And it’s exactly what I wanted.  Now there has been a G.I. Joe movie.  And about time.

Godzilla VS. Megalon:  Deep under the ocean, the white robed people of Seatopia watch interpretive dance and bow before Easter Island heads while they stew in their hatred of surface dwellers.  A couple of swell chums (and their awful voiced ward) have invented a silly looking robot with a name that really fits him (just ask them), Jet Jaguar.  When the Seatopians unleash their skyscraper handed, star headed bug monster Megalon, it’s up to size expanding Jet Jaguar to save the day.

    I finally popped Rome on.  I watched a few episodes a long time back, but never got around to watching the whole thing.  Figure I’d better get started.  HBO, man.  They make some fine shows.  If only they would get hold of something like Conan, and give it a serious take.  I feel like, in large part due to movies, we have this vision of Romans as these supremely civilized folk, where in fact, they seem to have been bloody barbarians.  Just successful ones.  Watching this series helps make real the descriptions of Rome seen from the recent Cleopatra biography.  Close, dirty, stinking, and brutal.  Its façade of civilization all surface, with a beast’s heard beneath.

Quantum of Solace:  “I don’t have any friends.”  I’ve talked a lot about my love of Daniel Craig’s take on Bond, and these new movies.  They’ve gotten back to the best things about Bond, dropping the bad.  And how cool it was that this movie didn’t try to redo Casino Royale, serving instead as a continuation of its story.  So I’m not going to go into any of that again.  Instead, I’ll just talk about a) how hot Olga Kurylenko is and b) how much I like Mathieu Amalric’s sleazy villain.  Olga Kurylenko is so hot.  I really like Mathieu Amalric as the sleazy villain.  There.  Check the movie out.

The Quiet American:  “I’m English.  I have habits.”  I know I should so something about it, but I have never read any Graham Greene.  Put him on the list.  I enjoy Brendan Fraser, in spite of all his crappy roles.  And obviously, Michael Caine is awesome.  The exceptionally awkward friendship/rivalry between the two is gut wrenching, and such an odd counterpoint to the sweep of history going on around them.  The conflict that will eventually explode into the Vietnam War grinds away while two men vie for the love of a woman.  Caine is kind of a monster, but a monster one can sympathies with.  While Fraser is aw gee shucks swell, but kind of a bastard at heart.  And Phuong…well, she might just be the most monstrous of all, beautiful on the outside, but a soulless tormentor.

Earth VS. The Spider:  “There’s a rubber glove; put it on.”  A surprisingly bloody opening sets the stage for this Atomic Age monster movie.  Cut to cute bobbysoxer Carol and her doofy boyfriend wander the downtown of Middle America.  Mike can’t help but put his foot in it, because he’s a dimwit.  Cut to Mr. Wizard’s class, full of 30 year old high school kids for a lesson in Electricity! that I’m sure will not come back to be important later.  Mike is such a dolt, you keep hoping Carol will pitch him in a bottomless grotto.  In the spider’s defense, if it hadn’t been for his web in that cave, those two dumb kids would have plunged to their death.  So, in a sense, the spider is kind of a hero.  And you can put ‘waking up a dead giant spider’ on the list of things that can be accomplished if you rock hard enough.  I’m not a fan of movies that use real animals and trick photography, so this had a pretty big strike against it on the creature front.  But there are a few effective moments.

War of the Colossal Beast:  “Get the picture?”  I hardly remember The Amazing Colossal Man, but this sequel is about on par with the silliness.  Our giant mutant is now seriously injured and seemingly mentally challenged.  I guess getting half his face blown off effected him quite a bit.  More Bert I. Gorgon MST3K fodder.

    I got in a bit more Fraggle Rock.  That’s another show that just makes me feel happy.  It’s extremely charming and good natured, without being dull or stupid.  One of the best kids shows I’ve seen in part because it doesn’t dumb things down.  If I ever had kids, this would be on the list of things I would feel good about letting them watch, as it teaches good lessons in creative ways, and is entertaining as well.

Speed Racer:  Whenever I’m down, I can just pop Speed Racer in and things feel better.  I love that this movie about racing, something I couldn’t give two shakes about, ends up being this amazing martial arts film at its heart.  This movie is about kung fu, and one young man’s quest for enlightenment.  The sweet family dynamic, Christina Ricci being as adorable as she has ever been, Matthew Fox and his suave cool Racer X.  That’s all great.  And the insane, colorful explosion of visual effects blasting at your eyes makes for a fun watch.  But at its heart is Speed learning to reach the essence of excellence, transcend skill, and become an artist.

    On Friday I tried a nearby bike path again, hoping maybe it had improved in the four years since the last time I rode it.  Sadly, no.  It’s randomly paved, often covered not in gravel but rocks, and difficult to get to.  And so far as I’ve found, it doesn’t connect with anything, so when I reach the end, I have to turn around and follow the whole thing back, instead of making a circuit, as I would prefer.  I don’t like retracing my steps on recreational bike trips.  Annoyingly, it’s also the closest one to me.  My place is in this horrible dead zone, some of the only territory in Northern Virginia that doesn’t have good biking.  I don’t like the idea that I need a car to go to a bike path.  I think the problem is that this city is old, and while there have been a few scattered attempts to modernize, it’s still basically a car town, like my hometown of Bangor.  It’s not as pedestrian/cyclist hostile as Bangor.  But it’s not friendly, either.  To the best of my knowledge, there isn’t a foot path that would allow me to walk to DC, for example.  At least, not without traveling miles and miles in a different direction first.  Even though I’m close to at least one main road that goes right into the city.

-Matt

Matt’s Week in Dork! (2/3/13-2/9/13)

    On Sunday evening, thanks to Ben, I finally saw a movie that everyone under the sun has been telling me forever that I needed to watch, but in all honesty, I’ve never much been interested in.  Goodfellas.  I didn’t do up a list of New Years movie resolutions, but if I did, Goodfellas would have been on it.  Maybe now I should think about that list.  Shawshank Redemption, I would probably have put Birth of a Nation on it, which Brad and I watched a few weeks back (gah!), The Seventh Seal, and maybe An American In Paris.   And maybe this is the year I should put my heart into giving a few directors another try.  Fellini, Kurosawa, Woody Allen (shudder), and Altman (not that I would say I don’t like Altman, only that he never drew me in).

Goodfellas:  I’ve never seen the appeal of mob types or their lifestyle.  Yet this movie manages to show the lives of some pretty useless dumbasses in such a way that I still found them occasionally charming.  The cast does a good job, and the period-piece aspect was interesting.  Watching these guys live through the 60s, 70s, and 80s, rise up the ranks, fall on hard times, get into drugs, murder and all sorts of poor behavior.  These guys all seem like stupid children, easy to anger, violent and impulsive, so concerned with honor and image they can’t figure out how keep from f’ing up.  It’s like a collection of people you don’t want to stand next to, because they’re the dumb fools who get other people killed.  It’s a solid film with a good cast and some grim humor.  The violence exists mostly as a constant threat, only actually hitting the screen on a few dramatic occasions.  The soundtrack is pretty awesome.  Why is it hailed as one of the greatest movies of all time?  I don’t know.  It’s good.  It’s very good.  One of the greatest movies of all time?  I don’t see it.

The Sun Also Rises:  “I’m just…detached.”  Ava Gardner is fascinating.  I know she’s considered one of the great beauties (and in this film, she is quite comely), but I’ve never thought of her as ‘beautiful.’  But she is somehow more comfortable in her skin (seemingly) than most women, giving her an attractiveness that isn’t about her looks.  And unlike Lauren Bacall with Bogart, Gardner and Tyrone Power look more appropriate.  Don’t get me wrong, Bogart was the man, and I hope one day to have my ugly old mug next to a woman half as beautiful as Bacall.  Anyway, the life of Americans drifting around Europe in the aftermath of the Great War is the subject of this film, and Power is good as the broken, haunted and sad man, wounded in a way that makes him useless to a woman.  Bar crawling, trysting, moping, and drinking.  And one woman capturing and destroying the souls of several men.  As a dour and taciturn fellow myself, I do empathize Power’s journalist who just wants to be left alone, who has love in his heart, but an inability to get it out without un-survivable pain.  And like him, I want to go fishing in France with Eddie Albert.  But, how does anyone in this movie even manage to stand up, with all the booze they consume.  I’ll admit, I’m a lightweight.  However, I think most people would be staggering and slurring their speech at best.  Errol Flynn as the busted sot is weirdly charming, in spite of being kind of a douche.  He and Eddie Albert are highlights.  It’s an OK movie that does capture a certain mood.  It reminded me a bit of the Bill Murray version of The Razor’s Edge.  That whole, Lost Generation in Paris thing is rich with mood and kind of fascinating, though not really my cup of tea (much like the late 60s San Francisco business).

Heaven and Hell:  “You’re the Ghost with the Rotten Heart!”  Most Martial Arts movies are half way to fantasy anyway, so one would think a full-on fantasy film would be amazing.  Sadly, most of them are just dull and awkward.  This one is a bit more surreal than most, which makes it a bit more entertaining.  There’s a lot of smoke, a lot of crazy sets.  And yeah, they fight with a metal hula-hoop.  Then it switches to the real world, which is much more the surreal world, with more strange sets, a horribly dubbed singing number, and extra loads of goofy.  There are a lot of fights, but they feel kind of meaningless, and so lack a level of excitement.  At least when they travel to Hell things become a bit more interesting visually.  Frankly, Chinese Hell(s) seems very complicated, with far too many obscure rules and regulations.  Is there a ‘For Dummies’ guide?  Good and bad seem to go there.  But good guys get a visit from the Buddha of Mercy, who gives them the go-ahead to fight their way out of hell.  That’s weird, right?  Like the David Lynch film Inland Empire, this feels like it might work better as a video installation, playing in the background while you’re hosting a party or something (I suggest a tiki-type thing with lots of little umbrellas in drinks and crap).  What do they call movies like The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari?  German Expressionism?  This is Hong Kong Expressionism.  The actress who plays Red Dress is kind of fascinating.  She’s not really pretty, exactly.  Kind of ‘ugly-pretty,’ really.  But fascinating.  She has a unique look.  Overall, not one of the better Shaw Brothers movies I’ve seen, though it’s certainly better than Black Magic or Cave of the Silken Web, though.

Cat Chaser:  “We made a pact.  Us against them.  Shirts against skins, man!”  A lot of Elmore Leonard stories have been translated to film.  Some are good.  Some are not so good.  A few just are.  This one is.  Some good location shooting but kind of blah, otherwise.  Look, what I’m about to say is almost certainly horribly sexist and/or insensitive.  But the fact that this movie features a lot of nudity makes it kind of like Christmas.  The fact that that nudity is Kelly McGillis makes it kind of like getting a sweater for Christmas…a sweater with a reindeer, bells, and pompoms on it.  I wasn’t into her in Top Gun, and nothing has changed.  It’s like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.  We’re supposed to believe that Michael Douglas is gonna give up everything and destroy his wife for…Glenn Close!?  Kind of the same here.  Peter Weller seems more than happy to throw his life away for an emotionless, chain-smoking mannequin with old lady hair.  And it’s all directed by Abel Ferrara.  If Brian De Palma is a poor man’s Alfred Hitchcock, Abel Ferrara is a dead broke guy’s De Palma.  It’s not that Weller is better than this movie.  He’s just more interesting than it deserves.   They made a lot of these attempted Noir films in the late 80s and through the 90s.  I don’t know if it was intentional, or what.  But it seemed like there was a factory churning out movies about world-weary guys caught up trouble outside their control, while some dame twists the knife.  There’s always a broken buddy (usually a drunk), a wealthy, jealous guy, and loads of bad lighting.  Whatever it was that made Noir that special kind of magic was missing in these movies.  The whole subgenre feels like a straight to video cure for sleepless nights.  It’s where actors who never quite made it to the big time, like Weller, Tom Beranger, Eric Roberts, and the like all did time.

Shaolin & Wu Tang:  “Never teach the Wu Tang…To the Ching.  Uhhhhh.”  When the styles of Shaolin and the forces of Wu Tang come together in two friends, one painfully stupid and short sighted lord wants to put his clumsy fingers in their martial pie.  He wants those fighting styles, and he’s willing to kill, poison, offend, fight, steal and verbally harangue (while pointing imperiously) his way to victory.  Sadly, the quality of the DVD was appalling.  Not just that the dubbing was bad, but the recording of the dubbing was bad, or the sound mixing, or whatever technical thing makes it hard to hear individual voices.  The video quality was bad, too, with the hard to read subtitles cut off by the bottom of the screen all too often.  And of course, it’s pan & scan, so half the picture is cut off, sometimes including stuff that would probably be helpful (like yet more of the subtitles).  Getting past the technical issues, the movie is pretty badass, with some rockin’ fights and typically crazy narrative paths.  The sequence in the women’s prison, introducing the ‘Mad Girl’ is so perfectly nuts.  It reminds me of some of the crazier Kung Fu films I’ve seen, like Legend of the Liquid Sword.  I need a girl to nipple twist me back to mental health.  Gordon Liu and Adam Cheng are fun as the two fighting buddies, and their martial arts rivalry produces some great mad bastard fighting.  And when the dudes team up with the ladies, the battles are taken to the next level of total insanity.  Beauty.  Of course, there are twists, turns, betrayals, revenge, redemption, and fists a’flying.  You may be asking yourself if there are extremely weird and overcomplicated training methods explored through montage.  If you are asking this, you haven’t seen enough of these films and need to get on it.

Snake Dancer (aka Glenda):  “There was only one dirty minded person in that audience tonight, Ken, and that was you.”  All a girl wants to do is dance and play with snakes.  Why does everyone want to stop her?  Apparently in uptight South Africa, people don’t like their Sunday School teachers dancing naked with snakes on stage.  She’s supposed to be this great dancer, but she’s doing the same thing a million hippie girls did every day.  I guess the summer of love didn’t hit South Africa?  Glenda Kemp (playing a fictionalized version of herself) is very cute in that fresh-faced 70s chick kind of way, but it’s hard to see what all the fuss is about.  But then, isn’t that always the way with oppressively moralistic and hypocritical societies.  Her goofus brother is kind of charming in a Paul McCartney (Wings era) kind of way.  I said it before, many moons ago, that in spite of what my brain (or something) wants and expects, a woman dancing with a snake is actually not particularly erotic.  Snakes just hang there, like nothin’s nothin.  So it becomes more ‘look at this woman with a big thing hanging off her shoulders.  Snore.  Though Kemp gives it the old college try, and it more successful than most (are her snakes on pep-pills or just really hungry, because they’re far more active than normal)  The vaguely racist first snake dance is rough.  At least the dancers weren’t in blackface.  Of course, knowing some of the horrible stuff that was going on in South Africa at the time puts a weird spin on things.  As a kid who grew up in the 80s, the only thing I ever heard about the country was the constant ethnic violence and oppression by the Apartheid government.  It existed like a weird evil state in my mind’s eye, so in a sense, this feels like a movie made within Nazi Germany during WWII, that never mentions any of the ‘troubles’ going on.  Perhaps that’s not fair, but that’s what the movie brought up in me.  You have a large population of people being excluded from government, the legal system, society in general, and people are getting upset over some bare breasts.  Reminds me of the States today, where our young men and women are getting chewed up and spit out by constant war, maimed for life, psychologically broken, committing suicide on an unprecedented scale, and people are more concerned with what to dudes are doing in their bedrooms.  Anyway, the stripping routines are more awkward than sexy.  I like naked women and people sticking it to the Man.  So that’s pretty cool, I guess.  I can’t even say the movie is bad.  Just kind of odd.  And I find it odd that people going to see scantily clad women dance would be offended by a naked woman dancing.  But people are weird like that.  They’ll watch Janet Jackson gyrating, half naked on stage for five minutes, but one flash of a weird looking pasty and the country goes into a fit of mock-moralistic rage.  These same shocked and appalled people will then go home and watch two nearly naked beefcake men roll around together while plastic surgery disaster women walk around in their underwear, frequently debased in the most horrendous of ways, and they’re all smiles and sunshine.  It’s just good clean fun.  I’ve been subjected to professional wrestling, which is one of the most disgusting displays of human indignity I’ve seen but is well loved by Bible-belters and rednecks nation wide.  Homophobic wrestling fans are possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever encountered.  The irony they embody is worthy of the greatest satirists.

The Big Easy:  “Aw man, now they killin’ retards.”  Accents are a dangerous thing.  Frankly, my take on it is simple.  If you can’t do it and do it well, then don’t.  I’d rather the guy from Boston, or the guy from Russia sound like he’s from…well, wherever the actor is from than sport a dreadful accent.  This movie is so self-consciously set in New Orleans it bathes in voodoo, breaths gumbo, eats Creole, and shits Mardi Gras beads.  I could have used about 30 less references to it being the ‘Big Easy.’  I like Dennis Quade.  I really do.  But I don’t know.  His weird down-home charm, especially with such a bad Cajun accent is kinda grating.  I think he had Wilfred Brimley’s dialect coach from Hard Target.  And I’ve never thought much of Ellen Birkin, so that doesn’t help.  It has a super 80s vibe, with lots of blue jeans, a fridge stocked with Bud, and a painfully unique apartment for our lead.  At least it didn’t have a freight elevator.  80s cop movies have a comic-book feel, where the world obeys rules that only make sense in the context of 80s cop movies.  Good natured police corruption goes up against the bad kind.  Organized crime doesn’t much like a corrupt cop who still tries to bust the really bad guys.  Evidence tampering, witness intimidation, and what-all.  It’s all in good fun.  I guess if you’re in the mood for this specific brand of thing (akin to Beverly Hills Cop, 48 Hours, Stakeout, or what have you), you could do worse.  Ned Beatty is one of those character actors who pretty much just plays variations on a theme or type, but he always does it well, sells it.  And his performance here is another good variation on the Beatty.

Speed Racer:  “He was trying to change this rotten business and they killed him for it.”  It took a lot of flack, and still gets lambasted by many.  But F the haters; Speed Racer is a sweet candy explosion of stylistic panache that manages to fit in some heart & soul between the Technicolor flash.  The cartoon sensibilities, zany characters, and occasionally subversive hints balance well with the genuine relationships between a father and his sons, between siblings, and between competitors and champions.  The Racer family isn’t perfect, but they’re a charming idealized 1950s kind of thing, with love to spare.  With madly over the top villains, the story needs to crank up the operatic intensity, and it does so with aplomb.  Grand theatrics and heart-string plucking.  And man, every time I watch this movie, I like Matthew Fox as Racer X even more.  I’d have loved to see a Racer X spin-off, but obviously, this movie did not set the world on fire.  John Goodman is swell as the worried but love filled father.  Christina Ricci turns in one of her best performances in a long time as the bubbly Trixie.  And even Susan Sarandon, who I normally do not like, is very sweet as Speed’s loving mother.  But in order to properly enjoy this film, you have to check your cynicism at the door; you have to go into it with a child’s heart.  Accept that it’s not a realistic action/drama.  Accept that racing is a metaphor for the search for enlightenment.  Like in classic Kung Fu films, it’s not simply a physical contest but the outward reflection of the interior journey.  It’s a 60s cartoon turned live action.  The filmmakers embraced that, and in order to enjoy it, you need to, too.  My hope is that this will become a Donnie Darko, Buckaroo Banzai, or Rocketeer, which may have failed in their initial run but went on to become beloved cult classics.

    I tried to read the second volume of Batwoman, one of the best New 52 titles from DC.  But the jarring change in artwork pretty much killed my interest on page one.  Maybe I’ll try it again sometime later.  But for now, I’ll move on to something else.  I had better luck reading The Film Club, an interesting memoir about a guy trying to connect with his troubled teen son through a shared love of film.

    And with The Thing From Another World, I started what I’m hoping to be a new series for the blog.  I’m going to focus on science fiction films from various eras.  I can’t promise they’ll always be based around a theme, but I think I will try.  For example, this first round will be in the loosest way, about identity.  The Thing From Another World is missing much of the concept of the original story, Who Goes There?, and so not as much about the question of identity.  But I’m counting it anyway.  ‘Cause that’s what I do.

-Matt