Matt’s Week in Dork! (9/14/14-9/20/14)

    Not much in the way of Dork living this week.  Just watched a few movies and zoned out a lot.

The Smiling Ghost:  A goofy comic caper in the style that would go on to influence Scooby-Doo, this bit of fluff is enjoyable, with some fun performances.  But it also features some of that old timey racism that is so bloody awkward.

Borgman:  There’s about 75% of an awesomely weird movie here.  The missing 25% is the kicker, though.  While I’m all for films that don’t explain themselves, I still need enough to work out an explanation for myself.  Things are left so vague, there are simply too many ways to look at the events for my taste.  Sadly, the one that seems most popular (that Borgman is the devil) is the lamest.  Perhaps he is an alp, a sort of nightmare faerie.  This could have been so good.  But like the recent film Thale, it doesn’t have enough to build its mystery upon.

Destroy All Monsters:  Aliens and stock footage attack the world in this mid-level Godzilla film.  It’s more fun to watch than its almost clip-show reliance on previously filmed material would suggest.  The human characters and the aliens are fun.

Hector and the Search for Happiness:  “Whoever said money can’t buy you happiness? …Fuck you!”  When the movie started off, I was enjoying it.  I liked the cast and I don’t have a problem with obvious, uplifting plots.  Heck, I enjoyed the heck out of the Pollyannaish film The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.  But somewhere in the middle of this movie (right around the kidnapping in Africa), it all goes wrong.  From that point on, the message becomes not just obvious, but condescending and wrong-headed.  In a way, it reminded me of Life of Pi, which you may remember I was not the biggest fan (it was my worst film of 2012).  The last twenty minutes of the film are kind of insufferable, in spite of a wacky Christopher Plummer performance.

Castle of Blood:  Barbara Steele bug-eyes her way through another black and while horror film with delusions of Hammer.  The look of the film is good, but the story kind of dull.  And the resolution doesn’t hold interest especially well.  I guess it wouldn’t be uncharacteristically crass of me to say, the film continues to promise lots of skin, and never delivers (apparently there is a version that does feature nudity...this wasn't it), which doesn’t help.

    On Friday night, I finished up Andre Norton’s Secret of the Lost Race, a fun Golden Age science fiction novel.  I love her early work, full as it is of that 50s/60s wide open universe storytelling.  Not hampered so much by the later 60s/70s doom and gloom.

The Juniper Tree:  The Brothers Grimm get the indie film treatment in this black and white Bjork vehicle.  The accented English was a surprise.  I figured the film would be subtitled.  It looks pretty good, but feels too long.  As a thirty or forty minute short in a lager Grimm anthology film, it might have worked better.  Not bad, but not especially captivating.

Blonde Venus:  Marlene Dietrich heads an excellent cast in this film about a woman who tries to help her sick husband, only to succumb to the charms of other men.  Following the story arc is crazy.  But it’s a pretty good story, giving Dietrich plenty of material to sink her teeth into.  And very, very young Cary Grant is devilishly charming as the film’s almost villain.

    On Saturday, I caught two of the three silent comedies on my resolutions list.  I’m hoping to get The General in by the end of this next week.

The Gold Rush:  One more of my cinematic resolutions down.  When my resolution list was made, I had never seen a Charlie Chaplin film.  Since making the list, I’ve seen two; this is my third.  Unfortunately, it’s also the weakest.  There are some very good bits and gags.  But the overall story is only meh, and the very good bits are few and far between.  Still, the actors are charming and some of the comedy bits are impressive.

Safety Last!:  Famous for its stunts, this comedy is pretty typical of the 20s, with a poor kid going off to the big city to make his bucks, only to fail and try to make people think he didn’t.  Expected comic hijinks ensue.  The stunts are impressive and Harold Lloyd is good.  But the star of the film is obviously the big building climb and all the associated stunts and gags.

    And that’s about it.  Like I said, not much Dork living.  I know I’ve got a couple things coming right up though.  And I sure as heck have a bunch of reading to do.  Oh, and Lisa came up with the idea of doing a 30 Day Sketch Challenge.  I’ve been having fun defacing things with illustrations.

-Matthew J. Constantine

Matt’s Week in Dork! (8/24/14-8/30/10)

    Not much in the way of movie viewing this Week in Dork, but I had a lot of fun and got a lot done.  So there’s that.  It all started with a journey in to DC with Rebecca, where we checked out Andrew Greene and the Peacherine Ragtime Society Orchestra.  Turns out the Kennedy Center does a free show every evening, and Sunday night it was some Ragtime and Charlie Chaplin.

One A.M.:  Charlie Chaplin does his Drunk bit, as a wealthy guy trying to get to bed.  I would say the whole thing goes on a bit too long, even with a run time of 24 minutes.  But some of the stunts and gags are quite impressive, and a few of the laughs come from deep in the belly.  It’s an odd complaint, but this probably should have been about 4 or 5 minutes shorter, and would have been a better piece.  Still fun, though.

Altered States:  I’ve been hearing about this movie (rarely anything positive) for a long time, and nearly seeing in for nearly as long.  So, I finally sat down to watch it, and…I liked it.  It’s part of that 70s post-hippie, utopian idealist, scientific failure subgenre I enjoy so much (see also; Rabid, Beyond the Black Rainbow, Idaho Transfer, the middle seasons of Lost, etc.).  William Hurt shows uncharacteristic amounts of emotion (ironically, playing an emotionally distant character).  Bob Balaban is enjoyable.  The effects are a mixed bag, but they get the job done.  I can’t say that I loved it, but I certainly enjoyed it.

    I know I’ve found a keeper when she says to me, “let’s not go in to DC for dinner and a movie tonight; let’s sit on the couch and watch Channing Tatum films.”  Done and done.

She’s the Man:  Getting past the fact that at no point would anyone with functioning eyes or ears mistake Amanda Bynes for a guy, this is a pretty standard, kinda bland teen comedy with echoes of Shakespeare.  Young Channing Tatum displays some genuine charm with his physical comedy, even if emoting isn’t his strong suit.  Plus, isn’t it like a law (since 1972) that a girl who wants to play on a sports team is allowed to try out?

Step Up:  Typical of low budget teen films, this story of a Channing Tatum from the wrong side of the tracks and a girl from a privileged upbringing is moderately sweet, and lacking in any surprises.  Beat for beat, it follows the path you know it will in all the ways you expect.  But in that, it has its own dumb charm.  The streets and the halls of higher education must come together to save the world of dance!

    On Friday night, Ben and I sat down to another 70s classic.  I’ve been in the mood to crack back into some Blaxploitation lately.  And you can never go wrong (well…) with Fred Williamson.

Hell Up in Harlem:  Low budget, and sometimes ill made, but darned fun.  This sequel to the Godfather retelling Black Caesar is filled with crazy angles, wildly moving camera work, and NO SECOND TAKES.  So much fun, so silly, so low budget and over the top.

    On Saturday, we headed in to the National Book Festival.  This was my first time attending it for my own edification, and it was pretty cool.  Like Baltimore Comic-Con, but for book nerds.  It was held in the Convention Center, which was MUCH better than having it on the Mall.  We saw Sandra Day O’Connor and her brother H. Alan Day.  H. Alan Day has written a book about rescuing wild mustangs, which was cool.  Lynn Sherr talked about her biography of Sally Ride, which was fascinating, and hit me hard in my science organ.  Eric H. Cline talked about his book 1177 B.C., which made me really want to read it.

    I ended up with some time on my hands while in the City on Saturday night.  I was going to do some reading or something, but instead I thought I’d do some prep work for some stories or something.  Ended up actually writing a short story, which was surprising and gratifying.  A good day, and a nice end to a good week.

-Matthew J. Constantine

Matt’s Week in Dork! (8/10/14-8/16/14)

    A light week on movies.  Actually, kinda light on everything dork related.  Didn’t even finish any books or read any comics.  No real excuse.  Just busy with other things.

Guardians of the Galaxy:  A fun second viewing.  That’s pretty much how I’d describe this film.  Fun.  It’s wild and weird and goofy.  Great soundtrack, crowd pleasing, humorous, and adventurous.  A good time at the theater.

Speed Racer:  I’ve ranted about this film time and again.  I love it.  As a Kung Fu film, as a family film, as a Technicolor mad-machine of weirdness.  Not for the hipster.  Not for the cynic.  For those with hearts open.  Awesome.

To Be or Not To Be:  I just couldn’t get into this film.  There are some funny bits, and some sad bits.  And I know it was largely about facing the demons so many European refugees faced when fleeing the Nazis.  So, to a degree, I feel bad about not giving a crap.  Of the Ernst Lubitsch films I’ve seen so far, this was by far the weakest.

    In my ongoing quest to destroy and rebuild Ben’s psyche into a film ubermensch, I subjected him to the film equivalent of psychotropic drugs, Beyond the Black Rainbow.  I always feel like I’ve done my job when he says some permutation of “that’s the weirdest movie I’ve seen.”  So, success!

Beyond the Black Rainbow:  One weird-ass movie.  An homage to all those awesome, late 70s/early 80s sci-fi/horror films by the likes of John Carpenter and David Cronnenberg, it’s unsettling and odd.  It’s one of my favorite films of recent years, in part because it captures so well the feel of the movies I loved and was scared of when I was a lad.

Ironclad: Battle For Blood:  Ugh.  This features some of the most egregious abuse of shaky-cam footage I’ve ever seen.  And that’s saying something.  The script, the acting, the everything.  It sucks.  I’m all for medieval movies, even on a low budget, but this is cheap.  But at least there’s a scene where a guy gets raped, and the movie seems to be saying it was a good thing and he liked it.

You got red on you.

    Saturday, Rebecca and I headed into DC, where we grabbed a quick bite to eat at Shake Shack.  Then headed over to the National Portrait Gallery to watch Buster Keaton’s College, featuring Andrew Greene accompanying on the piano.  It was an excellent showing, with a good and varied crowd.  DC continues to be full of surprises and wonderful little opportunities.  On the way back, I did a bit of exploring, taking the Blue Line out to Old Town Alexandria, then a bus back home.  I found a few places I’d like to check out, but overall that corridor seems to be pretty bland.

College:  If you can get past the scene where Buster Keaton does blackface, which is…um…pretty awful, this movie is extremely enjoyable.  It’s cute, with lots of darned fine physical comedy.  Buster Keaton has a weird sort of deadpan charm that makes him oddly loveable, even when he’s being a bumbling dolt.

    By chance, I tuned in to TCM and caught their Essentials film of the week, a Hitchcock thriller I’d been wanting to see for some time, Foreign Correspondent.

Foreign Correspondent:  Solid Hitchcock, with all the clever dialog, tension, and paranoia.  I love the cast, with even thugs being played by excellent folks.  Beautifully shot, as usual.  Though about WWII, it feels very Cold War to me.  But then, as it takes place before war is declared, I guess that makes sense.  The finale is really crazy.

Brothers Five:  Plenty of fighting and camera zooms in this enjoyable, if slightly silly, Kung Fu fighter.  Cheng Pei-Pei gathers five lost brothers to avenge their father’s death.  There’s a lot of weapon fighting in this one, which I like.  And there are some pretty darned cool bits.  There are better films from the Shaw Brothers, but this one is pretty good.

    That’s pretty much it.  Though I have been listening to a lot of David Bowie.  Loaded up Low, Space Oddity, Hunky Dory, and Aladdin Sane.  Good stuff.

-Matthew J. Constantine

Matt’s Weeks in Dork (6/22/14-6/28/14 & 6/29/14-7/5/14)

    It’s been a busy couple of weeks, which is the reason for the combined weeks.  Good stuff, but not much related to the Dork Life.  Without more rambling…

(6/22/14-6/28/14)
Children of Paradise:  Beautifully produced, and filled with excellent performances, I found this movie interesting to watch, but ultimately not all that interesting.  There’s a lot of old-world charm, some sinister goings on, and a cast of colorful rogues.  Some very good bits keep you going through some of the longer dry spells.  I’m sure there are meanings and interesting aspects of the film I didn’t catch or understand.  Taken only on its surface, it was just OK.

    Thanks to the Alamo, we got to see Bill & Ted on the big screen.  Of course, I saw it on the big screen when it first came out, redefining my life, dude.

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure:  One of my favorite films, and a weirdly defining one for me, this weird 80s comedy is totally silly and totally weird.  It’s also most triumphant.  Two dumbasses travel through time and meet a random assortment of historic figures.  Then crazy stuff starts happening.  This is one you’re either on board for, or it’s not gonna make a lot of sense.  I love it.

Girl Happy:   Not one of the better Elvis movies, it’s charmingly awkward, but not especially memorable.  Few particularly good songs.  It doesn’t suck, but it’s not one of the good ones.

22 Jump Street:  They made a sequel?  Boy did they.  Throughout the film, they continually have a great deal of fun having a go at themselves for doing a sequel in the first place.  Like the first film, this one is super silly, with plenty of dumb humor, lots of gross-out jokes, and the impossibly charming antics of Channing Tatum.  Few actors have turned me around as much as The Tatum.  But he’s won my heart, like he has millions of my fellow citizens.  If you haven’t seen 21 Jump Street (the movie), go out and do so.  Now.  Come back to this one later.

    I came so close to bailing on Transformers.  Not only was it a work night, but I was already crazy tired.  And I had an opportunity to go on a date with my lady.  But, I’d said yes, the tickets were already purchased, and I’m a dumbass.  I made the wrong choice.

Transformers: Age of Extinction:  One of the worst films I’ve sat through in 2014, the movie is most guilty of THE cardinal sin.  It’s boring.  Some movies feel like they can’t stop ending (see The Return of the King).  The movie felt like it couldn’t stop beginning.  An hour and a half into the film, and we were still being introduced to new plotlines.  Not twists in the original, but totally new lines for the story to go down.  And none of them were especially good.  Marky Mark was a step up from LeDouche, but he’s not that great.  And he’s as Texan as JFK.  The girl playing his daughter makes me long for the plastic dolls they had in the earlier films.  And that surfer dude?  Holy nuts.  I kept wanting to see him stomped on.  There’s so much awful dialog, it’s hard to pick just one thing wrong.  But there’s a speech near the end of the movie (the end that seemed like it would never arrive) where Optimus starts spouting this circular logic BS that sounded like something Deepak Chopra would put on a greeting card about knowing who we are and why we’re here…Good sweet crap, it was terrible.  The movie is dumb.  Not just dumb.  Boring.  It’s better than part 2.  Probably on par with part 3 (which was awful).  Not as good as part 1.  Wow.  Sad.

Doctor Who: The Enemy of the World:  The Doctor, Jamie, and Victoria find themselves in a weird future, where a conniving politician is plotting to take over the world.  The twist?  The politician looks identical to the Doctor.  OK.  It’s not the best premise.  But I quickly got into the story and the various people working with and against Salamander, the charming but deadly would-be master of the world.  What’s crazy about this one is that about half way through, there’s a reveal, and the story takes on a whole different dimension that I did not see coming.  And it’s kinda awesome.  Anyway, not an amazing story, but a good one.  And I really enjoyed Troughton as the Doctor.  I hope they’ll uncover more of these old stories.

Shaolin Intruders:  I like the plot twists, and some of the fights are pretty good.  But this is very much a mid-level Shaw Bros. film.  It’s fine.  It’s watchable.  But there isn’t a lot to make it stand out from the pack.  In the mood, and you haven’t seen this one?  Go for it.  Otherwise, there’s a lot better flicks to see.

    I started watching Masters of Sex.  Three episodes in, and I’m loving it.  Great cast, great story.  I haven’t read the book it’s based on, and I know precious little about Masters & Johnson.  But I’m fascinated, for sure.

Fallen Angels:  The sort of (spiritual) sequel to director Wong Kar Wai’s Chungking Express, Fallen Angles features more manic pixie people, voiceovers, and fisheye cinematography.  While I enjoyed it, and enjoyed the overall vibe of the film a great deal, it never reached the emotional levels of Chungking Express.  It’s OK, and if you’re a fan of the first, it’s worth checking out.  I was a little disappointed to see Karen Mok doing her crazy, screaming, semi-comic performance.  I prefer her serious work, probably because her voice is so grating when she gets wacky.

(6/29/14-7/5/14)

    On Sunday morning, I cracked into Black Science, another sci-fi comic from Rick Remender.  Pretty good stuff.  I’ll be looking forward to the next volume.

MirrorMask:  This was one of those movies where the trailer was popping up forever on rented videos and the like, but which seemed to always be ‘coming soon.’  I don’t know how long it did take to get released in the States, but I wouldn’t be shocked to find out that it was more than a year, maybe two.  It seemed like it, at any rate.  So, when it was finally released, I was pretty excited to see the film…but it isn’t actually very good.  A few interesting ideas and a few interesting visuals pepper a darned boring bit of re-hash kid adventure story.  Echoes of much better movies reverberate through the whole thing.  It’s not a bad movie.  But it’s instantly forgettable.  I remember being very disappointed when I finally saw it for the first time.  This second viewing, many years later, has not changed my initial reaction.

Inkheart:  A watchable and fun, if largely empty kids’ fantasy film, I think Inkheart suffers greatly from coming out during the Harry Potter craze.  Too easy to compare, too easy not to live up.  I imagine I’d have dug the film a good deal as a little lad, but while it’s not something an adult would likely find annoying to watch with their kids, it’s not something an adult is likely to find compelling, either.

Age of Consent:  An artist returns to the homeland of his youth in Australia, where he intends to rediscover his passion for painting.  There he meets a colorful cast of locals, including the desperate to escape Helen Mirren in her film debut.  Considering the sleazy title and the subject matter, this is a surprisingly cute and almost chaste film.  Sure there’s nudity and talk of sex, but it’s not what I was expecting.  Michael Powell was a heck of a director and James Mason is always charismatic.  And you can see why Mirren would go on to be a star.  Not just because of her amazing and oft bare body, but because of a genuine talent and charm.

FDR: American Badass:  The best history film of all time?  Maybe.  Super cheesy, lowest of the low budget, goofy in the extreme, and wonderfully tasteless, American Badass is everything I hoped it would be.  Nazi werewolves giving FDR the polio?  That’s just the beginning.  Must be seen.  Must.

Maleficent:  I like the basic story of this movie, several images, and most of Angelina Jolie’s performance.  The script, however, is horrendous.  The actual dialog that is coming out of the actors’ mouths is like the Disney equivalent of a bad 80s action movie.  Compared to the recent Alice in Wonderland or Oz: the Great and Powerful, this is Citizen Kane.  But the ingredients for a solid, epic fantasy film were all there.  They simply didn’t come together, and that falls largely on the script.  Also, those comic-relief fairies were atrocious and needed to go.  Not just because the CGI on them was awful and terrifying, but because they’d have been annoying whatever the case.

Snowpiercer:  I don’t mind recycling ideas if they’re done well.  This movie has some really good bits, but is overall pretty disappointing.  There are plot twists; but they’re obvious.  There are a couple good action scenes, but a lot of motion-sickness inducing shaky cam, too.  I was so happy when there was an extended slow-motion sequence so I could steady my eyes for a moment and not need to turn away.  Many of the characters feel like they’d be interesting if we spent any time with them, but the movie jumps from one action bit to the next too quickly to give a crap about anyone involved.  Part of the pleasure in this kind of science fiction is the exploration of the strange society that forms in the wake of some tectonic civilization shift.  What is life like in a giant, constantly running train with a severe class-based society, surrounded by a hostile, freezing wasteland?  Interesting question.  Unfortunately the movie spends almost no time on that, throwing a couple quick factoids that are supposed to earn our sympathy and interest.  And then there’s the ever present mystery of the man who runs the train.  What’s he gonna be like?  Oh, boring and obvious.  Nuts.  I don’t want to sound too negative (though I can tell I have).  The movie isn’t bad.  It looks great (when the camera holds still long enough for you to notice).  There are some cool sequences and some cool ideas.  But it could have been much, much better.  Much better.

The Sign of the Cross:  Getting past the historic inaccuracies (the cross wouldn’t be a Christian symbol for almost three centuries), this movie is unfortunately kind of boring.  Oddly enough, the best stuff in this Christian martyr porn is the risqué sexuality.  From the milk bath, to the lesbian dance, to the naked women in the arena, it was the sexuality that kept me from tuning out completely.  It wasn’t the acting or the script, or the cow-eyed dullness of the religious zealotry.  Some cool sets add a bit, but not enough.  Easy to skip this one.

    Friday morning, I read Planetoid and Prophet, two sci-fi comics I’d had sitting around for a while.  I enjoyed both quite a bit.

Doctor Who: The Mind Robber:  Another OK story from the Troughton years.  I like some of the visuals, and a few of the concepts are rather weird.  At the end of the day, this isn’t my type of story.  Yet, they made it work.

    Saturday morning, I watched another disk of Masters of Sex.  Boy howdy, I enjoy this show.  I love the cast.  And a character that felt like she could easily become another Betty Draper (of Mad Men), has turned out to be as compelling as any other on the show.  Bravo.

The Lunchbox:  I found this film fascinating to watch and the characters all charming in their way.  However, I can’t help but notice cultural references flying fast and furious over my head.  India is a place I simply don’t get, and this movie heaps more on the pile of confusion.  Still, the budding correspondence romance between a lonely housewife and a surly office worker is cute.  Irrfan Khan is a charming dude, even when he’s playing a jackass.  The film also makes me want to have some home cooked Indian food.  Some of the stuff in those tins looked really good.

Lonesome:  A movie on the cusp of so much.  It’s a silent film, with some talkie scenes.  It’s black & white, but with some color tinted bits.  Featuring effects and some nice location shooting, the movie works more as a time capsule than as a film.  The story is simple and cute, but fairly forgettable.  But the costumes, the manners, the activities, etc. all sing 1928.  The movie is alive and roaring with that 20s spirit.

-Matt