Matt’s Week in Dork! (9/21/14-9/27/14)

    I get right up in sports’ business, hit the theater, and talk the Victorian weirdness of Alan Moore.  This Dork had a heck of a week.

The Losers:  OK, this movie isn’t very good.  Everyone’s always uttering silly one-liners and walking in slow motion.  None of the characters are especially interesting and the action is only so-so.  Still, I find myself enjoying it in spite of its faults.  If you’re in the mood for a lighter, more PG-13 Expendables, this is a good choice.  Everything about it, the violence, the language, and especially the sex is very, very PG-13.

Kim:  I like this little kid adventure yarn set in the twisting political world of British ruled India.  A smart and resourceful boy gets involved in the deadly Great Game of empire.  Learning from various men different ways of living, he becomes a sort of super spy, taking messages and collecting intel.  I’m sure there are dozens of ways the film is racist, or supports currently unpopular views, and I’m sure the same could be said of the book it’s based on.  But taken at face value, it’s a fun watch with plenty of excitement and plot twists.  Plus, Erroll Flynn is devilishly charming as the Red Bearded Horse Trader.

Snow White and the Huntsman:  When this film focuses on Charliz Theron, it’s pretty good.  Her performance is wonderfully campy and crazy and she’s captivating.  Unfortunately, the movie focuses too much on a dead-eyed Snow White and a faux-Irish Huntsman.  Ugh.  The fantasy elements are cool, too.  They had all the pieces in place, but the casting of the two leads brings down the whole.

    Monday night, Brad and I headed up to the AFI Silver.  Man, I wish I could get up there more often.  I love that place, and it’s a wonderful resource for the film buff.  The fact that it’s not packed every showing makes me sad.  I assume there are enough film fans in the area, but they just don’t take advantage of what they’ve got.

The Zero Theorem:  Terry Gilliam has been one of my favorite directors since I understood what that meant.  The Adventures of Baron Munchhausen, Brazil, Time Bandits, 12 Monkeys.  Even newer films like Tideland and the mainstream studio effort Brothers Grimm.  While The Zero Theorem might rank among the lesser works of the director, I think that still puts it above the average film.  It’s awfully weird, and it has some very funny bits.  I enjoy the heck out of Christoph Waltz.  And the weird computer hacker kid, while not a very good actor, has something that makes him amusing where he could easily be extremely annoying.  There’s a lot to like.  And I can’t even say what didn’t work necessarily.  But I didn’t love it.  Gilliam fans should certainly check it out, and folks who like weird movies.

    Tuesday night, Rebecca took me to my first Major League baseball game.  You may be shocked to learn this, but I am not a follower of sporting events.  I’m aware that some ladies and gentlemen enjoy running about on fields and the like, attempting to move one type of ball or another to other parts of said field.  With the brief exception of an Olympic games back in the 80s, where I thought for a brief time that I would follow soccer, I have avoided sports of all kinds.  My lady, however, is quite the fan of various strenuous team activities.  So, I sat down to watch the Nats do battle with the Mets upon the diamond shaped field.  As various champions faced off against each other, the team we had gone to support and cheer rose to the occasion.  The Nats defeated their foes and there was much rejoicing from the gathered throngs.  I found various elements of the whole enjoyable.  There was an electricity to the crowd not dissimilar to that of a comic convention.  There were hot dogs being peddled for a dollar a piece.  In spite of my monumental ignorance of the game and its rules, etc., I had a good deal of fun.  Am I now a baseball fan?  Well, no.  But I look forward to enjoying a bit of sport in the future.

The Signal:  Not a perfect film, by any means.  But this was much better than I was expecting.  I ended up liking the three main cast members, which was something of a shock.  While some of the eventual resolution wasn’t as cool or exciting as it might have been, I found it satisfying.  And there are some very cool sequences.  Definitely one of the better low budget science fiction films I’ve seen recently, and more creative and interesting than many big budget films.

Prix de Beaute:  A time capsule with a few interesting moments, this is a mostly forgettable film with little to recommend.  If you’re in the mood for an early film with a mix of comedy and drama and some darker twists, it’s OK.  But don’t go out of your way.

    Saturday night brought the latest gathering of the graphic novel club.  This month, one of my favorite comics, one that helped convince me to give comics a try, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.  It was a rather spirited group, with lots of opinions.  Some, I’ll admit, I found baffling.  But that’s the wonder of groups like this.  Whatever the case, revisiting the book was an excellent experience.  I find Allan Moore extremely hit & miss, but have to count this one as a palpable hit.

-Matthew J. Constantine

A Fistful of Fall Anticipation 2014! (Matt’s Picks)

    It’s that time of year again.  Heading into the final stretch, we look at the movies we’re most looking forward to in the final months of the year.  Without too much preamble, here are mine:

5.  Interstellar:  I feel very weird about this film.  On the one hand, it’s absolutely the kind of thing I should love.  On the other, from the first trailer, I simply haven’t been able to work up any particular interest.  Something rings hollow, and I can’t say what.  So, I’m hoping it’ll be the movie I want it to be and not the movie I kinda think it’s gonna be.

4.  A Walk Among the Tombstones:  Liam Neeson.  Liam Neeson being mean to people…with his fists.  I’m there.

3.  The BoxTrolls:  This, along with Big Hero 6 and The Book of Life make the family film market look pretty good.  The BoxTrolls looks like a good mix of cute and weird, with family friendly, but not condescending humor.  Hopefully, it lives up.

2.  The Zero Theorem:   Terry Gilliam continues his sometimes depressing but often exhilarating quest to slap mainstream movies in the face.  I love Gilliam's work, and I always hope he'll pull out a victory over the cosmic opposition he always seems to be up against.

1.  Tracks:  Seriously.  I want to see this movie.  It was supposed to come out at the beginning of the Summer, then just before being released…disappeared from schedules.  Months later, it showed up again with a September release date.  So, fingers crossed it’ll actually hit the screen this time ‘round.

     Hopefully, half my movies won't get delayed again.  That would be swell.  Honestly, I'm not too jazzed, going into the Fall.  There are a few other films I do want to see, but few I expect to be super-thrilled by.  Still, this year has been pretty darned good, and you never know what'll cap a year like this.  Heck, I'd never heard of The Artist a few weeks before it became one of my favorite films of 2011.

-Matthew J. Constantine

Dork Hero: Jonathan Pryce

    From the quietly desperate everyman of Brazil, to the Bill Gates-like Bond villain in Tomorrow Never Dies, to the bumbling aristocrat Pirates of the Caribbean, Jonathan Pryce has been a stalwart performer in genre film for a long time.  Often playing slightly pitiable, comically befuddled characters, he peppers his filmography with solid dramatic work, too, like Behind the Lines and Age of Innocence.  And it can’t be ignored that he starred in the one movie from my childhood that gave me nightmares, Something Wicked This Way Comes.

Five Favorite Jonathan Pryce Films:
5. Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
4. Tomorrow Never Dies
3. Something Wicked This Way Comes
2. The Adventures of Baron Munchhausen
1. Brazil

-Matt

Matt’s Week in Dork! (1/19/14-1/25/14)

    Not a lot of movies this week, but some good dork life living.  Finished a book, listened to some tunes, and did a bunch of reading and worrying in preparation for hosting my first role playing game in a very, very long time (with one very brief exception 3 years ago).

Airplane:  Some of the humor of this film is lost now, due primarily to the world changing.  It’s not shocking to hear some of the topics addressed in such a frank way.  But in spite of some of that inevitable aging any comedy that dares to tackle current events or cultural trends is going to go through, it’s still quite funny, and some jokes appear to be timeless.  It’s so absurd, but so well delivered.  And every danged line Peter Graves delivers is pure gold.

    Sunday night, Lisa, Brad, and myself headed out to the Alamo Drafthouse to see an early favorite of mine, Brazil.  It was really something seeing the film on the big screen, and the first time really watching it in a several years.  What a wild movie, and it must have been pretty darned out there when it hit theaters.

Brazil:  One of those films that was so important to impressionable young Matt, Brazil captures that faded dream of a retro-future Utopia so beautifully.  Terry Gilliam tries his hands at Orwell, through the lens of Kafka, and the results are amazing.  It’s funny, it’s unsettling, it’s horribly dark and on occasion, downright mean.  And it’s full of fantastic performances.  Even the repair men are great.  The script is funny.  The world creation is phenomenal.  The music is great.  A classic, all around.

Snow Queen:  Ten minutes in, I checked the runtime and my heart sank.  Three boring hours.  Boring, boring, boring hours.  Made in Canada.  Made for TV.  Dullsville.  Acting sucks.  Directing is lifeless.  Script is crap.

In the Mirror of Maya Deren:  This documentary, as surface as one expects from less than two hours, does serve as an overview of the woman and her art.  Plenty of interviews with people who knew and worked with her, combined with some footage from her films lets you get something of a sense of Deren, a strange and passionate person who broke a lot of rules, and not just the obvious one of being a woman filmmaker in the 40s.  Her work exudes the dream logic I’ve come to love in later David Lynch, as well as the late Euro-trash cinema wunderkind Jean Rollin.  Can I tell you what a lot of her films mean?  No.  Not remotely.  But they capture a mood.  As a jumping off point, I think this film works very well.  I kind of wish I’d seen it 15 or 20 years ago, when I was interested in voodoo.  Deren did a great deal of research and filming, and even wrote a book on the subject, which apparently gets high praise.  A woman ahead of her time, her work is something film fans should seek out.

    On Friday night, I finished Cleopatra.  An excellent, accessible look into the late Egyptian world and the beginnings of the Roman Empire we tend to think of when we think of Ancient Rome.  It reads like a novel, while having lots of insight and context.

The Flame and the Arrow:  “We’re civilized and the art of civilization is doing natural things in an unnatural way.  I’m just a little more civilized than other men.”  Medieval adventure with heaping piles of high-flying gymnastics.  Burt Lancaster can’t seem to stop doing crazy circus tricks with his outlaw buddies, as they face off against a typically stuffy historic adventure movie foe.  The girls are pretty, the guys are dashing, the villains are pompous.  And the sets look pretty good.  Hardly a game changing classic, it bares more than a passing resemblance to any number of other Technicolor action films of its time.  But it’s fast paced and filled with fun, colorful characters.  And that’s pretty good in my book.

    Saturday night we had our 20th meeting of our graphic novel club, hosted by Brad and Lisa.  This time around we read Sailor Twain, which while lauded by critics, turned out not to wow most of us in the group.  A couple people hated it, one person really liked it, and most of us felt very mixed.  It’s no wonder I stalled while writing my review for it nearly a month ago.  I’ll have to go back and try to finish it.

-Matt

A Fistful of the Maligned! (Matt’s Picks)

Sexy Frankenstein!

    Every year, as the nation tries to catch its breath, trim some of its holiday fat, and generally get back into the swing of things, Hollywood dumps a bunch of mid-level or less films, movies the studios have little to no faith in, or that featured various problematic productions.  The stuff they’ve spent the money on, but don’t want to put any more effort into selling to the public.  The dregs and the castoffs.  And on occasion, the really amazing films that come out of nowhere.

    So as we prepare to sift through the mud, looking for a pearl or two, co-Dork Brad and I are looking at a few movies that have, for whatever reason, never quite hit it off with the adoring public.  Those movies we love, that were/are hated by the general viewer.  As Brad pointed out, given enough time, most movies will find their audience.  And as we’re glowing examples of, the internet will give those audiences a voice.  So, hear my voice as I give you a rundown of five of my favorite movies that nobody seems to like.  And I’m not even going to bring up the fourth Indiana Jones film…oh, wait, I just did (read my review of that film here).

5.  Southland Tales:  Richard Kelly’s follow-up to the cult favorite Donnie Darko was over-ambitious, over-long, over-budget, and way, way over-weird for it to possibly be a success.  The first time I watched it (on video, because I never even saw rumor of it playing in theaters), I stared for all two hours and twenty five minutes, mouth agape, marveling at what I was seeing.  Was I watching a colossal disaster, or a glimpse at genius?  At the end of my first viewing, I could not answer that.  But I was so effected by the film that I went out the next day and purchased a copy, brought it home and watched it again (subjecting Brad to it at the same time).  Upon second viewing, I fell firmly on the side of genius.  A fully realized alternate world, with countless subplots, weird technologies and religions, wildly weird characters, cracking and funny dialog, and one of the first truly great Dwayne Johnson performances.  Can I understand why it didn’t connect with people?  Yes.  Absolutely.  In no way am I surprised that this film is A) largely unseen and B) disliked by most who have seen it.  But I love it.  A lot.

4.  The Adventures of Baron Munchhausen:  Terry Gilliam is a divisive fellow anyway.  You’ve got a lot of folks like me, who sing the praises of his bent, surreal masterworks like Brazil and Time Bandits.  And then you’ve got folks (again, like me) who love his mainstream success, 12 Monkeys.  But there’s not a lot of love out there for his fantasy adventure film The Adventures of Baron Munchhausen, featuring a then 60 something John Neville as the titular character, a man of tall tales and taller personality.  With every visual trick in his fairly thick book, Gilliam created a disconcerting world of creepy and funny characters, drawing on history and fairy tale in equal parts.  It’s funny and scary, heart warming and heart breaking, and all such a joy to watch.  But few people seem to have seen it, and fewer still to have thought much of it.  Like the other oft forgotten or ignored fantasy film, The Dark Crystal, this movie holds a very special place deep in my heart.  And the Baron remains one of my all time favorite characters.

3.  The English Patient:  OK, how do I justify a Best Picture winner?  Well, since this movie won the Oscar, it’s made almost every ‘worst film to win an Oscar’ list I’ve seen.  And whenever I mention the film, I get a groan and an eye-roll, like when you mention a particularly dense book someone was forced to read in high school.  But this is not only one of my favorite movies, it’s also a film I unabashedly point to when people say ‘the book is always better than the movie,’ and shout ‘not always!’  Almost everything I love about film comes from the script/direction by the late, great Anthony Minghella.  Almost nothing comes from the book, which ranks among the worst things I’ve ever read.  The film captures the epic story of lives torn apart and thrust together by war, the hope and excitement of archeology and exploration, the wonder and pangs of new love, the awful way we treat each other and the deep need we have to share our lives.  It’s gorgeous, with swelling music and amazing performances.  And it’s the closest thing to a classic epic of yesteryear I’ve seen in a long time.  For me, this movie sits alongside Lawrence of Arabia for its emotional impact and wistful draw.  And like Casablanca, as I age and experience more of the ups and downs of life, the movie means more and more to me.

2.  Speed Racer:  So people hated the Matrix sequels.  I know.  Though I enjoyed much of the second film, and actually really like the third, they didn’t go in the direction I’d have liked; that’s for sure.  In stead of creating an epic science fiction action trilogy about humanity and its war with the machines, what we actually got was an action glossed meditation on philosophy and mythology.  OK.  So, when Speed Racer came out, I think most people didn’t give two craps about it.  In part because they were so disappointed with the Matrix films, and in part because most people didn’t even remember the original Japanese cartoon the film was based on.  Add to that, no stars to get too excited about and a PG rating, and I think it just didn’t have the muscle to drag people to the multiplex.  When you watch the film, you’re likely tempted to just enjoy the light show and let the content pass you buy.  On the surface, it’s a bright, flashy cartoon with some live action actors goofing off.  But if you look deeper, the film is a heart-felt ode to the love of family and the pursuit of excellence.  Upon repeat viewing, I realized that Speed Racer is actually a masterful Kung Fu film, that involves Speed’s quest for self awareness and his eventual enlightenment.  The scene where he’s racing his brother’s ghost actually gets me choked up just thinking about it.  And the final race, when reality itself bends around Speed and he finally becomes one with everything is visually beautiful and emotionally uplifting in a way movies rarely reach.  Part of me feels that this film will eventually develop a cult following, and I’d love to catch it on some revival tour.  I would very much love to see it on the big screen again.

1.  Howard the Duck:  For this Dork, the 80s were a magical time, filled with movies about how dancing or rocking hard enough could change the world.  And it was a time filled with movies that make you sit back and say, ‘how the deuce did this ever get made?!’  Howard the Duck is one of the best examples of this, and one of those films that captures an aspect of my essential self many who know me don’t quite understand.  I have many friends who know the wonder of Big Trouble in Little China, Commando, and Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.  But even my most die-hard, wacky, nerd buddies won’t go to the mat for Howard.  I will.  I have.  From Lea Thompson’s frizzy haired rocker-girl to Jeffery Jones’s wild-eyed alien possessed scientist, I love almost every minute of this film.  It goes for it in a way movies did for a brief time in the 80s, without all the 90s ‘whatever,’ wannabe hipster irony and cynicism.  And you know what?  I like the romance.  Though never consummated, I like the idea that this short, alien duck man can still find love with a beautiful woman, and that she can see through his outer shell to the good hearted dreamer inside.  As Shakespeare once said, ‘haters gonna hate.’  But I love this movie, and I don’t care how many dissenting voices call out against it.

-Matt

A Fistful of Gods! (Brad's Picks)

So, anyone out there actually excited for Wrath of the Titans?  No?  Yer all just going to go see the blandness that is The Hunger Games again?  Lame.  Well, I actually enjoyed the CGIriffic remake from a few years back despite another wooden performance from Sam Worthington, and even though I miss the days of yore with Ray Harryhausen's brilliant stop-motion art, it's always fun to see the Greek Gods go bananas on insignificant puny humans.  And how can you not love Liam Neeson's oh-so-shiny God armor?  But, if I were to pick my favorite cinematic incarnations of the divine they would have to be...

5. Trismegistus (The Keep): One part Hermes, one part Thoth.  I believe Michael Mann and author F. Paul Wilson are the only ones to ever play around with this monster of muscles and I don't think the film ever put a name to the red-eyed being.  Unleashed thanks to some Nazi snooping, Trismegistus might have surpassed the horrors of World War II if not for Scott Glen's mysterious (and completely incomprehensible) stranger.  Whatever the case, F that Gabriel Byrne.

4.  Thor (Adventures in Babysitting):  The God of Thunder doesn't just hang around Asgard and party with The Avengers.  Sometimes he chillaxes in New York City helping hot babysitters with their car troubles.  Sure, he's kinda gruff at first but once you give him back his winged helmet, he's all blonde smiles.

3.  God (A Serious Man):  A seriously hilarious and downright painful re-telling of Job, the god of A Serious Man puts Michael Stuhlbarg's college professor through the wringer.  His kids care only for nose jobs and F Troop, his wife falls for the slimy politeness of Sy Ableman, the Columbia House records henchman won't take "No" for an answer, his brother's boil won't seep, his antisemitic neighbor has the ideal father/son relationship, and the rabbis are useless but easy on speeches.  There's a storm coming, but what's it all mean...nothing, yer screwed.  If only his ancestors had been kinder to a Dybbuk.

2.  The Alpha & Omega Bomb (Beneath the Planet of the Apes):  So Chuck Heston thought the worst thing that could happen in this future world was a little ape uprising, but that was before he met the religious mutant zealots underground.  They're pig ugly and bassackwards but who can blame them for worshipping The End when Dr. Zaius's goons are storming the castle.   ALL HAIL THE BOMB!

1.  The Supreme Being (Time Bandits):  Sure, he's a giant luminous head when he needs to terrify a child and his gang of thieving dwarves, but at his core The Supreme Being is just a kindly suited Ralph Richardson picking up Evil's leftovers.  Robin Hood, Napoleon, Agamemnon.   It's all part of the plan.

--Brad

A Fistful of Rocks! (Brad's Picks)

Why am I so excited to see Journey 2 The Mysterious Island this weekend???  Is it my absolute love for the Ray Harryhausen classic based on Jules Verne's sequel to 20,0000 Under The Sea?  You would think that my internet hater lifestyle would make me furious over such a thing even existing.  No, the reason I'm looking forward to Journey 2 is the same reason I saw The Tooth Fairy, The Game Plan, and Planet 51.  I LOVE THE ROCK!  Yes, he's badass and awesome in flicks like Fast Five, Faster, The Rundown, and Walking Tall but I love him so much I even love his way goofy movies.  Race To Witch Mountain?  Sign Me Up!  I should probably feel ashamed about such proclamations, but I don't believe in guilty pleasures or feeling ashamed for one's true feelings.

Anyway, to get pumped for Journey 2 this weekend Matt & I have picked our favorite cinematic rocks.

5.  The Right Hand of Doom (Hellboy):  Not only can Hellboy's stone hand clobber the heck outta punks like Rasputin, Kroenen, and Prince Nuada but it also serves as a key to unleash Ragnarok aka The Apocalypse.  Thankfully he prefers to use it as a instrument of whuppin and sometimes beer tab opener.

4.  The Sankara Stones (Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom):  If you catch me on a weird day I might tell you that my favorite Indiana Jones movie is Temple of Doom.  I know, that sounds crazy, but I love Dr. Jones's whacko gross adventure in India.  At the heart of the story are the three mystical Sankara stones that can keep a villiage outta famine or give you the powers to rip human hearts from the chests of suckers.  All you need to know are the right words.

3.  Piggy's Coup De Grace (Lord of the Flies):  When I was about 10 years old, the trailer for the remake for The Lord of the Flies played on television ad nauseam.  And it scared the hell outta me.  Every time the trailer showed you had to sit through Piggy getting crushed by a rock, and I found this to be deeply troubling as a child.  Eventually, in high school, I finally read the novel and saw the original film.  I thought it was okay.  In college, I read it again and saw both films.  Loved them.  But Piggy's death still scares the bejesus outta me.

2.  Evil Leftovers (Time Bandits):  **SPOILERS** for one of the greatest kid adventures ever made...Just when you think young Kevin, The Time Bandits, and The Supreme Being (Ralph Richardson) have vanquished Evil (David Warner) for good and all is going to be hunky dory in suburban UK once more, Kevin's bloody parents find this leftover rock of Evil in their microwave.  DON'T TOUCH IT YOU DOLTS!

1.  The East & West Mitten Buttes of Monument Valley: If you've watched more than three Westerns than you've seen these majestic rocks.  John Ford practically regarded them as much of his films as folks like John Wayne and Henry Fonda.  Four Years Ago, I was actually lucky enough to visit the state park and I can attest that it's even more grand in person and you can't help but hear stagecoach assaults around every dusty corner.

--Brad

Terry Gilliam's New Pasta Commercial

Did you know that Garofalo Pasta has commissioned Terry Gilliam for an absolutely terrifying commercial starring kidnapping opera clowns!?!?  No?  Well, check out the clip below for the short film The Wholly Family, and man, it definitely has that creepy kids film vibe that Gilliam does so well in flicks like Time Bandits and The Adventures of Baron Munchausen.  

--Brad