Friday, February 10, 2012

A Fistful of Rocks! (Brad's Picks)

Why am I so excited to see Journey 2 The Mysterious Island this weekend???  Is it my absolute love for the Ray Harryhausen classic based on Jules Verne's sequel to 20,0000 Under The Sea?  You would think that my internet hater lifestyle would make me furious over such a thing even existing.  No, the reason I'm looking forward to Journey 2 is the same reason I saw The Tooth Fairy, The Game Plan, and Planet 51.  I LOVE THE ROCK!  Yes, he's badass and awesome in flicks like Fast Five, Faster, The Rundown, and Walking Tall but I love him so much I even love his way goofy movies.  Race To Witch Mountain?  Sign Me Up!  I should probably feel ashamed about such proclamations, but I don't believe in guilty pleasures or feeling ashamed for one's true feelings.

Anyway, to get pumped for Journey 2 this weekend Matt & I have picked our favorite cinematic rocks.

5.  The Right Hand of Doom (Hellboy):  Not only can Hellboy's stone hand clobber the heck outta punks like Rasputin, Kroenen, and Prince Nuada but it also serves as a key to unleash Ragnarok aka The Apocalypse.  Thankfully he prefers to use it as a instrument of whuppin and sometimes beer tab opener.

4.  The Sankara Stones (Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom):  If you catch me on a weird day I might tell you that my favorite Indiana Jones movie is Temple of Doom.  I know, that sounds crazy, but I love Dr. Jones's whacko gross adventure in India.  At the heart of the story are the three mystical Sankara stones that can keep a villiage outta famine or give you the powers to rip human hearts from the chests of suckers.  All you need to know are the right words.

3.  Piggy's Coup De Grace (Lord of the Flies):  When I was about 10 years old, the trailer for the remake for The Lord of the Flies played on television ad nauseam.  And it scared the hell outta me.  Every time the trailer showed you had to sit through Piggy getting crushed by a rock, and I found this to be deeply troubling as a child.  Eventually, in high school, I finally read the novel and saw the original film.  I thought it was okay.  In college, I read it again and saw both films.  Loved them.  But Piggy's death still scares the bejesus outta me.

2.  Evil Leftovers (Time Bandits):  **SPOILERS** for one of the greatest kid adventures ever made...Just when you think young Kevin, The Time Bandits, and The Supreme Being (Ralph Richardson) have vanquished Evil (David Warner) for good and all is going to be hunky dory in suburban UK once more, Kevin's bloody parents find this leftover rock of Evil in their microwave.  DON'T TOUCH IT YOU DOLTS!

1.  The East & West Mitten Buttes of Monument Valley: If you've watched more than three Westerns than you've seen these majestic rocks.  John Ford practically regarded them as much of his films as folks like John Wayne and Henry Fonda.  Four Years Ago, I was actually lucky enough to visit the state park and I can attest that it's even more grand in person and you can't help but hear stagecoach assaults around every dusty corner.


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