Matt’s Week in Dork! (7/6/14-7/12/14)

    Not a lot of movies this week.  But I got some in, and some reading.  I also did a lot of prep work for some stories.  I just haven’t been writing the nitty-gritty of anything (outside of this blog) for some time.  It’s something I feel the desire to get my head back into, but I’ve been out of practice for so long.  It’s tough.

    On Sunday, I read Storm Dogs and Pretty Deadly.  One was good, the other kind of sucked.  Because of another book I’ve been reading, and not enjoying, I think I’ve been finding other things to read.  Probably the reason behind my recent spate of comic trades.

The Last Performance:  There are a few interesting bits in this film, but the story is kinda meh.  The main attraction is Conrad Veidt, and for fans, it’s nice to see him working his mojo.  The man can stare, with the best of ‘em.  Other than Veidt fans, though, this film holds little to recommend it.

The Ballad of Narayama:  Gorgeously produced, this film has the artificiality of a stage play, but the magical wonder of film.  The story looks at the simple life of country villagers who try to scrape out a living from the unforgiving mountains.  And one lone old lady, ready to take a spiritual (and suicidal) pilgrimage to a nearby holy mountain.  It’s also nice to see a film that feels like it’s set during that near-myth era of samurai, that has nothing to do with samurai at all.  Not a sword drawn in the whole film.  Quite good.

Pickup on South Street:  Though the ending is a bit wonky, this movie about a two-bit pick-pocket getting more than he bargained for is some classic Noir fodder.  A dizzy dame, some fist-happy cops, double dealing commies, and a heap of trouble.  Plus, Widmark is on fire as a relentless prick.  It’s wonderful.

Persona:  More the sort of thing I always thought of when I heard the name Ingmar Bergman, this meditation on the masks we present, the versions of ourselves we use when we’re around other people is challenging.  But it’s also captivating.  Typically gorgeous; the location work, the lighting, the whole thing looks amazing.  It’s charged with eroticism, but also with gut level discomfort.  I’ll certainly be revisiting this film, but it’s not one to just pop in on a whim.

The Robe:  The film assumes you already know the story of Jesus.  Probably not a bad assumption, but I always have a bit of a problem with a movie that makes assumptions like that.  It’s interesting, and there are some good performances.  But for a film that is so much about converting to being a follower of Jesus, there is precious little in the way of explanation as to why someone would.  Spiritual quest wise, this film lacked some important content.

Glengarry Glenn Ross:  Another of my cinematic resolutions for 2014 down.  The sad, stressful life of salesmen is presented Mamet style in this punchy little film.  Looking at it, you’d think it was made for TV.  But what it lacks in visual flourish or polish, it makes up for in performance and script.  Alan Arkin and Jack Lemmon are both very good.  But Jonathan Pryce and Al Pacino really had me.  Pacino is such a huckster, and Pryce such a sad-sack mark.

    Friday night, we headed out to The Alamo to check out the new Apes film.  Before the theater, though, we ate at Nando’s Peri Peri.  I’m definitely going to have to go back when there’s more time.  Because that shopping area is starting to open up, there are a lot of people, and the restaurant was pretty full.  I enjoyed the food, but didn’t feel like I had time to really enjoy the place or think about what I wanted to eat, or any of that.  Next time.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes:  Humans have mostly died in plagues and wars.  The apes, after having escaped into the woods at the end of the previous film, have set themselves up a new society and are doing pretty well.  Things can’t last, as the human survivors need resources that lay in Ape territory.  Here’s the thing.  This movie is pretty good.  And all the stuff around the apes is quite good.  The problem is that the human characters are kind of ridiculously stock, and at no point did I care about them or their plight.  The apes were interesting, and I’d have liked the film to focus much more on them.  In fact, completely on them.  I could have used way, way less human parts.  Visually impressive and well made, it’s a good film.  Maybe even a really good film.  But it misses the mark on being a great film.

The Last Wave:  I wasn’t in the right headspace to watch this film.  So, while I recognize that there were some interesting aspects, and I liked the performances, I just couldn’t get into it.  I think I’m going to have to revisit it while I’m more focused.  There are some powerful images, for sure.  And I like the Michael Mann movie type soundtrack.  I have a feeling this is a movie I'll really enjoy on second viewing, when my head is on straight.

True Detective: Season 1:  “You are like the Michael Jordan of being a son of a bitch.”  This is a beautifully made program, with lots of excellent elements.  The last episode spoils the milk a bit, but the overall show is quite good.  I love the references to Robert W. Chambers and his King in Yellow.  I wish it had gone a bit further.  I wanted to see the mythology of the murders explored.

    Saturday night, I forced myself to push through Aya: Life in Yop City, a book I’d been laboring through.  I had to skim much of the latter half of the book, as nothing seemed to happen, and that was becoming a bit much.  Sad, because the art was interesting and vibrant, and I thought the subject matter and setting could be really interesting.  I still do; but this isn’t.  I was fully planning on writing a review of this book.  But the more I look at it sitting there, the less of a crap I give, and the less I feel the need to revisit it.  We'll be discussing it this coming Friday night, and other than some variation of 'YAWN!' I've got no idea what to say.

-Matthew J. Constantine

New Release Tuesday!!! (9/3/13)

Today's pretty much a bust.  Sure, we've got a few flicks that I want to check out, but there's nothing out there right now screaming for a MUST BUY.  Don't worry though, next week the world will be blessed with Star Trek Into Darkness......uh, yeah....prepare for some epic hypocrisy on ITMOD's part.  Until then, grab your best glue-on Selleck 'stache and roll your pennies because Jesse Stone is all boxed up for your pleasure.

BUY?

Jesse Stone - The Complete Collection:  I grew up entranced by the cool of Tom Selleck.  Magnum P.I. was a staple of our household; to this day I'm just biding my time till The Wife & I can dump our lives and finally set up our Hawaiian detective agency.  Of course, we all know that Selleck was never able to break free from that character.  Despite wildly entertaining films like Runaway & Quigley Down Under, he never made a career out of the big screen like he rightfully deserved.  A few miserable misfires later (Mr. Baseball, Her Alibi) and Selleck simply settled into the TV guy.  Friends, Last Stand At Sabre River, Boston Legal, Monte Walsh.  Some decent stuff, but nothing terribly exciting.  When the Jesse Stone TV Movies plopped onto the boob tube I didn't really bother - they just seemed like the kinda movies the Barnes & Noble grannies consumed and no other.  Then the boys over at cineAWESOME! did their Stonetastic episodes, and they convinced me to purchase the first Robert Parker adaptation.  I was pretty much hooked.  You can read my own Jesse Stone adventures right HERE.  Ok.  They're not "great" films, but they are addictive.  And the series contains a killer cast of background players: Saul Rubinek, William Sadler, Viola Davis, Stephen McHattie, Rebecca Pidgeon, William Devane, Krista Allen, Mimi Rogers, etc.  And now all the Stone films are gathered in one big box complete with your very own PPD Baseball Cap.  But does it come with whisky & depression too?

Bay of Blood:  Kino continues its Mario Bava Blu Ray Collection with this grandaddy slasher.  Here is the film where Jason Voorhees got all his tricks.  Bay of Blood is not as classy or as iconic as Bava's Black Sabbath or Danger Diabolik, but it's certainly more grand guignol with the proper geysers of gore.  And as with previous Bava Kino releases, the bloody reds will look beautifully beastly in HD.


RENT!

The Iceman:  Haven't seen it yet, but Michael Shannon is definitely the guy to play the infamous mafioso hitman.  Just look at that poster!  Is there anything scarier than that stare?  Don't think so.  Too bad Zack Snyder couldn't quite capture the fear brought on by the Shannon brow.  Sure, he made plenty use of his twitchy screams...."I WILL FIND HIM!"  But that's neither here nor there, I'm just doing that blogger thing in which I slam on something while praising another - how very hipster of me?  After all, how else can I fill up this page with drivel?

Now You See Me:  I need to see this simply for the cast.  Word on the street is "mediocre" but I don't think another film this year has assembled a group of actors this eclectic or interesting.  I doubt Michael Caine & Morgan Freeman get much screentime, but I'm excited to see the Zombieland reunion of Woody Harrelson & Jesse Eisenberg.  Plus, Mark Ruffalo always cranks out a good detective.

Empire State:  Well, this just appeared outta nowhere.  How broken is cinema that a film staring The Rock goes straight to DVD?  Or is the real question, how terrible is Empire State that it goes straight to DVD?  Lughead Liam Hemsworth can't cut it in the NYPD so he settles for a gig driving an Armored Car.  Heists & Hijinks ensue, and The Rock shows up to take down the troublemakers.  The trailer looks.......like a movie.  A movie we've all seen a half dozen times already.  Still, Dwayne Johnson is making a play for 2013's Actor of the Year and ITMOD is committed to all of his properties.

AVOID!

The Lords of Salem:  I root for Rob Zombie.  Not sure why as nearly all of his films have disappointed me in some fashion.  The man has a sense of style for sure.  He obviously likes the same movies I like.  But as he pulls from Stanely Kubrick & Roman Polanski he just can't make his copies work on their own.  The Lords of Salem has a great cast of iconic actors, but it's also spearheaded by a vacuous lead performance from Zombie's own wife.  Frankly, if you're into this sorta thing you should probably just watch The Devil's Rain.  It's campy, stupid, beautiful, and genuine.  The Lords of Salem is just another nostalgic pretender to the throne.

Sharknado:  I just can't.  Purposeful "Bad Movie" Making is becoming more than a little tiresome.  I know we live in a pop culture universe where nostalgia is king, and we love to laugh at idiocy as much as we do at real comedy.  But Sharknedo?  It's a tornedo filled with sharks!?!?  That's hilarious!......no, it's dumb.  And the movie looks like crap cuz it is crap and not ironically amazing or whatever.  Stop supporting crap.  Go watch Death Race 2000 instead.

--Brad

Brad's Week In Dork! (10/21/12-10/27/12)

This Week in Dork saw the death of my annual October Horrorathon.  My heart was just not in it this year, and after suffering through the abysmal Sinister early in the week I simply just had to throw in the towel.  The idea of being bombarded by more jump scare violin strings is the true horror of this month.  Maybe next year I'll refocus and (more importantly) rediscover my love of the genre but for now...I'll find my entertainment elsewhere.

Body Double:  This is Brian De Palma at his most Hitchcockiness. Chomping off large, bloody bits from both Rear Window & Vertigo, and it's easy to dismiss Body Double as another Wannabe from that perverted boobies loving De Palma... That being said, I love this era of De Palma sleaze and I'll take Body Double, Blow Out, and Sisters any day over Scarface, Road To Mars, and The Black Dahlia. Craig Wasson is a weakling, phobic actor turned heroic creepy peeper when he witnesses the murder of his naughty nude neighbor at the hands of a Rondo Hatton looking driller killer. This is not high art, but it is fun pretend art. And horror fans should get a snicker from a don't-blink cameo from a straddling Barbara Crampton.

Hellboy - House of the Living Dead:  I completed my marathon devouring of Hellboy comics with this enjoyable, goofy, gloomy sequel to Hellboy en Mexico.  Wandering the saloons and luchadore rings of 1950s Mexico, HB thrashes hapless opponents in an effort to escape the horrors of past failurs.  Enter Frankenstein's monster...some mad doctor has come across the creature and wants to pit its might against Hellboy.  Then there's the werewolf and the vampire.  A tribute to the Universal Monster mashups like House of Frankenstein & House of Dracula, but despite the high concept geekery this Mignola/Corban teamup still doesn't grab me as much as I want it too.  Nor is it as sad and spooky as the original borderland tale.  Still, curious to see other lost adventures from this Drunken Blur period.

Sinister:  There seems to be a lot of enthusiasm for this film out there in Internetland, but I just couldn't get into this boring jump scare pornography.  Ethan Hawke is a failing true crime writer desperately trying to rediscover his bestseller status while investigating a quadruple homicide.  He moves his family into the slain family's home and discovers a box full of snuff films in the attic.  A concept I've always been fascinated with, but seems to rarely pay off in cinema.  Sinister can't rely on the Nic Cage insanity of 8MM so it falls back on tired boos and creepy crawly children imagery.  I'm not sure if the horror genre is completely dead, but Sinister appears to be another nail in the coffin.

Batman Incorporated #4:  Sure, Grant Morrison's Batman Inc appears to be set in a universe completely separate from the New 52 but that's no reason to get your panties in a twist.  Morrison continues his Silver Aged obsessed hunt for Talia Al Ghul and enlists an unlikely alley into his cadre of Batmen.  Who is Wingman?  The answer is not as interesting as what the revelation does for poor demented Damian.  There's a lot of exposition to wade through with Morriosn, but the muddy narrative path is just as exciting as punch 'em up fight scenes.

Talon #1:  Ugh.  Yeah.  I'm done.  Talon takes everything that I found mysterious and creepy in Scott Snyder's Bat book and forces it into the light.  And it's lame lame lame.  Mr. Rose returns to Gotham in the wake of the Owls downfall but the evil 1%ers are alive & well & still hunting for his blood.  Snooze.  I'm not going to continue.

Punisher - War Zone #1:  The Punisher vs. The Avengers.  Yeah, sure.  That's a fair fight.  Spider-Man gets all righteous after Frank uses one of his web shooters during a mob assassination.  Apparently a couple cops get killed.  Time for Cap & Co to take out the vigilante.  So issue #2?  Thor brings down the hammer smashing Frank's molecules into oblivion, right?  Game over.  Well, I guess Wolverine might be on the side of The Punisher or something. I'm not going to bother to find out.  Super Heroes is just not what I want from a Punisher book.

Wolverine Max #1:  It's Wolverine with swearing!!!! Oooooo.  Another snooze from Marvel this week.  I dig the Jock cover but that's about it.  Wolverine crash lands in Japan and looses his memory.  Really?  More amnesia nonsense.  Plus Logan vs. Shark = lots of blood & guts.  But these Max books can sometimes feel like poor excuses for potty language and gore.  The story seems very been there done that.  Tell em I'm wrong and I might pick up issue 2.

Captain America #19:  In his eight year run on Captain America, Ed Brubaker produced one of the greatest super hero comics on the stand to one of the most disappointing.  The Winter Soldier.  The Death of Captain America.  Amazing.  Cap Reborn?  Terrible status quo rebooting.  And Brubaker returning Cap to the typical tights action from the gritty espionage business?  So sad.  But here's his final statement on the series.  And it's appropriately bittersweet.  Steve Rodgers visits the crazy 1950s Cap in the hospital.  He apologizes for the effect the Captain America legacy has had on this nutjob.  But in doing so he also states why he must carry on the symbol.  Whatever missteps this series might have taken lately, the writer proves that he still understands the appeal of the character.  It's time to go Brubaker, but damn, you will go down as one of the all time great shepherds of the character.

Argo:  Ben Affleck continues to prove his mastery of tense crime dramas with this breakneck telling of the Iranian Hostage Crisis...or at least one tiny and bizarre aspect of the Crisis.  Argo plays like a whackjob Ocean's 11 with Ben Affleck's company man reaching into the banal B.S. of Hollywood as a means for military rescue.  With the help of the Planet of the Apes wizard John Chambers (John Goodman) and money man Lester Siegel (Alan Arkin) as well as artistic talent of Jack Kirby (Michael Parks...ok, he's only in it for two seconds and he's never named on screen but that's JACK KIRBY!  Holy Cow!  Jack Kirby on Screen!  New Gods Saves The Day!) Affleck stages a daring if completely insane rescue of the six embassy workers hiding out in Victor Garber's Canadian embassy.  Argo will send shivers and create panic attacks; it's easily one of the most thrilling film's of the year and I am in awe of Ben Affleck's transition into filmmaker.

Seven Psychopaths:  Did someone turn on the time machine and transport us back to 1995 where every film wanted to be Pulp Fiction?  Seven Psychopaths feels right at home with films like 2 Days in the Valley and Albino Alligator.  And if you cram in Spike Jonze's Adaptation and voila!  That being said, I really enjoyed it.  Not as much as the director's previous In Bruges, but the diabolical fun these actors are obviously having is infectious even when it's just scenery chewing.  The hospital staredown between Christopher Walken and Woody Harrelson is worth the price of admission alone.  And Tom Waits' bunny lover?  Yeah, that's a bag of crazy worth subjecting yourself to.  But for me, this film is all about Sam Rockwell.  He's batshit.  And utterly pathetic.  But he deserves his shoot out and so do we.

--Brad

Trailer: Seven Psychopaths

I loved In Bruges.  Great crime caper and still the best damn movie Colin Farrell has ever been associated with.  Now comes the follow-up flick from director Martin McDonagh and its got dog-napping, a pacifist Christopher Walken, and a bunny loving Tom Waits.  Sounds good to me.



--Brad

Brad's Week In Dork! (2/26/12-3/3/12)

Man, this was a crazy Week in Dork.  Started it off at my folks house for their (forced upon by me) 84th Academy Awards party and like usual, I enjoyed that red carpet nonsense much more than I probably should.  The rest of the week was spent mostly cranking out the usual whacky eclectic collection of cinema's oddest and it climaxed with an intense bit of internet nerd warfare for San Diego Comic Con tickets.

And over at cineAWESOME! I completed my first run of Western Reviews.  I've been having a blast with these movies and it's been fun traveling through the genre decade by decade, starting with the 1940s of The Ox-Bow Incident to the 2000s of Seraphim Falls.  This week cineAWESOME! is taking part in the Korean Blogathon and I'll be contributing with my review for The Good The Bad The Weird and maybe The Man From Nowhere.  I'd love to get my hands on some more Manchurian Westerns but that's proving to be rather difficult.


TV OF THE WEEK!

The 84th Academy Awards:  My thoughts on The Oscars...it's bullshit.  And they've been bullshit from the very first show in 1929 when William Wellman's Wings took Best Picture.  Sure, having now seen that film I can say that it's a wonderful movie, but Fritz Lang's Metropolis is a damn masterpiece and it wasn't even nominated.  So, now that we call all agree that the Academy Awards have always been bullshit than we can just get over ourselves and enjoy the silliness of the event.  At it's best, The Oscars provide the opportunity for Film Dorks like myself to talk movies with other folks that usually don't seem to care.  The week leading up to the ceremony was a blast at work as all my coworkers debated the merits of The Artist vs. Hugo vs. The Descendants vs. whathaveyou.  There seems to be a lot of backlash out there these days for the French Silent and whether Harvey Weinstein bought the award or not is irrelevant.  The Artist is a damn good time at the movies, and like last year's Kings' Speech, it might not have been the movie I would have gone with I was certainly happy with its win.  And when was the last time that The Year's Best Film actually took home Oscar anyway?  1993 with Unforgiven, that's when.  And when you consider that awful dreck like Crash, Chicago, and Titanic have taken the award in recent past I think we got off pretty lucky.  As far as the rest of the winners, haven't seen The Iron Lady yet and probably never will so I can't tell you if Streep deserved it or not, but like Alec Baldwin says you can't really hate on that lady for winning anything--she's The Streep.  I do wish Clooney had taken the big boy home, but I guess the Academy was happy enough with his Supporting Win for Syrianna from a few years back.

The Walking Dead "18 Miles Out":  This was probably my favorite episode of The Walking Dead this season.  Rick & Shane have to travel 18 Miles Out from The Farm to dump the captive Randall out into the zombie infested world.  The ep provided for some serious philosophical battle between the two former Best Buds and even though the story certainly didn't resolve their conflict it brought it to a boiling  point that's impossible to cool down from here.  As the show reaches for it's season climax I don't think it will end with them chummy chummy.  One of these guys is gonna die.  And "18 Miles Out" also showed off some pretty fantastic Ernest Dickerson (Tales Form The Crypt: Demon Knight!) direction and lots of KNB gross, gross, gross zombie makeup.

Supernatural "Repo Man":  Aw man.  When are we getting back to the Leviathans?!?!  And how about Castiel!?!?  We know he's not dead, get on with it!  Instead, this episode decided to reintroduce the crazy Sam storyline with Mark Pellegrino's Lucifer still putzing about his frustrated melon.  I love Pellegrino and I'm all for more appearances but this just feels like an arc we should have been done with seasons back.  Let's get focused on the war with Dick Roman's evil turduckens!

Justified "The Man Behind The Curtain":  After last week's extremely mediocre turn, this episode was definitely a bit of a step up but not much.  I love you Justified, but you're better than this filler stuff.  Yes, it's nice to see the Neal McDonough's Quarles character expanded upon and I love that last bit with him and Gary at the bar.  And it's cool to see Supernatural's Jim Beaver starting to find a home in Boyd Crowder's plan for Harlan County Survival.  But will this season be able to bring all these dispirit elements together for an explosive climax of badassery?  Probably.  This is Justified, after all.

MOVIES OF THE WEEK!

Seraphim Falls:  ‎"He ain't going nowhere. We let him bleed." Liam Neeson pursues Pierce Brosnan from the snowy death of the Ruby Mountains to the barren deserts of the Wild West below; this is an excellent Revenge Chaser backed up by a couple of vicious performances from its two leads, and if it didn't falter with an annoying flashback explanation and the unnecessary weird western appearances of Wes Studi & Angelica Huston than Seraphim Falls would rank as one of the Westerns recent Bests. As is, this is a solid genre entry that can probably be credited as the beginning of Neeson's recent trend of badassery.  Again, to read further thoughts on this rage filled Western, check out cineAWESOME!

Take Shelter:  As a longtime fan of Michael Shannon's particular brand of insanity, Take Shelter is a tremendous treat in which we witness Shannon's possibly delusional family man fight himself, his wife, and the entire town in preparation for the Great Weather Apocalypse. A tremendously uncomfortable film to watch, you should be in the right/prepared mind before consumption. And yeah, I'm still mulling over those last couple of seconds--if you've seen it and want to chat it out with a fellow Shannon-o-phile, let me know. And yeah, Shea Whigham is still all kinds of awesome even in the disposable best bud role here.  "Whoa."

Dream House:  Gah. Such a waste of talent. Daniel Craig, Rachel Weisz, Naomi Watts, and Elias Koteas come together for the most rudimentary of ghost/crazy guy/murder mysteries/whatever. All put in solid work...except for the screenwriter who pulls out his Connect-The-Dots DIY guide to spooky shenanigans and delivers a film barely worth the time of this mini-review. Shame. Yawn.

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen:  When the narrative is not muddled with unnecessary third party love interests and anti-fish terrorist attacks, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen is a sweet little romance between Ewan McGregor and Emily Blunt hooked on an enjoyably cutie British high concept.  And I found great pleasure in Amr Waked's visionary sheik and his happily hopeful outlook on humanity. Lasse Hallstrom definitely scores some big smiles, but again, what's with the assassination attempts and the soldier boy heartstring manipulations?  Eye roll.

Rampart:  Director Oren Moverman teams up with the hateful scripting of James Ellroy for a furious look into the life of the "most corrupt cop you've seen on screen" (so claims the trailer, and they're not far off the mark but I'd like to point out Street Trash's Bill the Cop). Rampart is a hard film to watch. Harrelson continues a streak of undeniably powerful performances, but as his life spirals out of control and into horrid techno club burrito feasting and Ben Foster beatings I also found myself failing to connect on an emotional level. The man is scum, and no one writes scum better than Ellroy but it misses the spark found in the heinous characters of his novels.  Still, that burrito...gross.

Coriolanus:  "Make You A Sword of Me!" Ralph Fiennes stars and directs in this lesser known Shakespeare adaptation (I certainly had never read or seen the play before this viewing) and delivers a fine bit of Hate Cinema. Fiennes is a beast, and when he rages upon the citizens or beats upon a blood soaked Gerard Butler I found myself crawling up into my seat; the savagery of the words is more violent than any of the ferocious attacks. Brian Cox is plenty fun as the consigliere, but it's Vanessa Redgrave's conniving mother that steals most scenes when Fiennes is not present.  But look at that poster stare above--f'ing terrifying.

Fit To Kill:  "How Can I Kill Such A Beautiful Creature?" "Just Think Of The Money." Dona Speir passes the Lethal Lady torch to Julie Strain in her final Andy Sidaris outing and its typically wonderful in that special Malibu Express kinda way. In this T&A Adventure that ties into WWII's Valkyrie assassination plot to kill Adolf Hitler, Agents Donna and Roberta Vasquez must team up with Roger Moore's son RJ to fend of Strain's hitwoman and the Red Chinese. Yes, it's more of the same but that's a great plus, not a negative.

Enemy Gold:  "This Is All We Dreamed Of As Kids! Yes!" From the crazed Valkyrie Diamond Heist plot of the last film to the crazy Quantrill's Lost Treasure Plot of Enemy Gold, Andy Sidaris seems to enjoy butchering history along with his heaps of random T & A. Donna Speir & her regular cohorts are gone, replaced by Julie Strain's Bad Girl and Suzi Simpson's bear-phobic agent--Becky Midnight! Bruce Penhall is still around, but I miss the old gang. Still, Enemy Gold has all the awkward dialog and even awkwarder sex scenes to pass time in front of the late night boob tube.

Hannie Caulder:  Wildly uneven in tone, Hannie Caulder goes from horrific rape sequence to goofy sexualized Raquel Welch bathing...but I gotta admit, that's part of the film's cheesy charm. Robert Culp rocks a wicked beard as the bounty hunter who schools Welch in the ways of shoot 'em up vengeance and Ernest Borgnine, Jack Elam, & Strother Martin are The Three Stoogeiest batch of comical violators you've ever encountered. Hannie Caulder does contain one very cool bandit showdown involving (again, beaded) Christopher Lee and a mysterious, unknowable stranger. But at the end of the day the collision of comedy & rape keeps Hannie Caulder from being anything more than an oddity.

Frankenstein Conquers The World:  Question: "Does He Really Eat Dogs and Cats?" Answer: Yes. After the Hiroshima bomb turns a halfbreed child into a giant Frankenstein Monster that smashes all over Japan until the army wakes up Baragon, a Godzilla like Unicorn tunnel rat that loves to squash puppet horses when he's not breathing fiery radiation. Definitely one of the better Kaiju movies, Frankenstein Conquers The World seems to have been written by a five year old me--and then a boar attacks and then the forrest is on fire and then a volcano erupts and then this happened and that happened. So much silly fun.

Justice League Doom:  The animation looks nice and it's a solid voice cast, but Doom takes Mark Waid's cool concept from the Tower of Babel comic and delivers a basic punch 'em up actioner. The whole idea that Batman is the reason for all of the Justice League's super villain problems is barely glanced over and I left the film with about as much enthusiasm as I had for the weak Batman/Superman outings and craving the New Frontier and Wonder Woman good stuff. Come on, DC Animated, you're better than this.

War of the Gargantuas:  "You still want to wet nurse that monster?" This sequel (if you say so) to Frankenstein Conquers The World opens with a green gargantuan man battling it out with a giant octopus to the catastrophe of an innocent Japanese sailing vessel. From there the green Gargantua heads for land and proceeds to battle it out with a brown Gargantua as Russ Tamblyn's scientist tries to figure out what it all means: brother vs borther...it's a lot like countries vs countries...yeah, sure Russ. If yer in the mood to watch two dudes in rubber suits wrestle each other over model cities than War of the Gargantuas will fit the bill just fine, but if you're looking for something a bit more wacky/zany than stick with Frankenstein. VF.

COMIC OF THE WEEK!

The Last Musketeer by Jason:  After devouring Jason's I Killed Adolf Hitler I was recommended The Last Musketeer by the fine folks over at Big Planet Comics and it far exceeded my expectations. Athos of the The Three Musketeers is still puttering around a modern France; no one wants to share a drink with him and his buddy Aramis has a few dollars of pity for him but not the the time to spare on his adventures. But then Ming the Merciless invades France and it's up to Athos to do battle for the King and introduce cigarettes to the Martians. The Last Musketeer is an odd trip for sure, but if you're a fan of Alan Moore & Kevin O'Neal's literary riffing than you should also enjoy this kooky bit of mondo. And it has gobs of charm bursting from its pages. I definitely need more Jason in my life.


WARFARE OF THE WEEK!

San Diego Comic Con 2012 Tickets:  Yep, last year's battle for Comic Con tickets was definitely more frustrating than this year, what with all the multiple days of website crashes and the like, but at least last year I was able to score Badges for all four days.  This year, Comic Con smoothed things out a little better with Member IDs and email links--but that damn link didn't work and I was floundering around for a couple minutes before Facebook friendlies pointed me in the direction of the proper working link on Comic Con's actual website.  In those few moments of floundering I lost my opportunity to snag all four days and came away after an hour of internet line waiting with just Thursday and Sunday badges.  Lame.  But I'm still more than happy.  Having now been to Comic Con just once, I want to go every year for the rest of my life.  It's Dork Mecca, and during those four days there's no happier place on Earth than San Diego.  So I'll take part in the quieter days this year.  And I'll travel across the country to do so.  Madness?  You're damn right.

--Brad