Brad's Week In Dork! (10/21/12-10/27/12)

This Week in Dork saw the death of my annual October Horrorathon.  My heart was just not in it this year, and after suffering through the abysmal Sinister early in the week I simply just had to throw in the towel.  The idea of being bombarded by more jump scare violin strings is the true horror of this month.  Maybe next year I'll refocus and (more importantly) rediscover my love of the genre but for now...I'll find my entertainment elsewhere.

Body Double:  This is Brian De Palma at his most Hitchcockiness. Chomping off large, bloody bits from both Rear Window & Vertigo, and it's easy to dismiss Body Double as another Wannabe from that perverted boobies loving De Palma... That being said, I love this era of De Palma sleaze and I'll take Body Double, Blow Out, and Sisters any day over Scarface, Road To Mars, and The Black Dahlia. Craig Wasson is a weakling, phobic actor turned heroic creepy peeper when he witnesses the murder of his naughty nude neighbor at the hands of a Rondo Hatton looking driller killer. This is not high art, but it is fun pretend art. And horror fans should get a snicker from a don't-blink cameo from a straddling Barbara Crampton.

Hellboy - House of the Living Dead:  I completed my marathon devouring of Hellboy comics with this enjoyable, goofy, gloomy sequel to Hellboy en Mexico.  Wandering the saloons and luchadore rings of 1950s Mexico, HB thrashes hapless opponents in an effort to escape the horrors of past failurs.  Enter Frankenstein's monster...some mad doctor has come across the creature and wants to pit its might against Hellboy.  Then there's the werewolf and the vampire.  A tribute to the Universal Monster mashups like House of Frankenstein & House of Dracula, but despite the high concept geekery this Mignola/Corban teamup still doesn't grab me as much as I want it too.  Nor is it as sad and spooky as the original borderland tale.  Still, curious to see other lost adventures from this Drunken Blur period.

Sinister:  There seems to be a lot of enthusiasm for this film out there in Internetland, but I just couldn't get into this boring jump scare pornography.  Ethan Hawke is a failing true crime writer desperately trying to rediscover his bestseller status while investigating a quadruple homicide.  He moves his family into the slain family's home and discovers a box full of snuff films in the attic.  A concept I've always been fascinated with, but seems to rarely pay off in cinema.  Sinister can't rely on the Nic Cage insanity of 8MM so it falls back on tired boos and creepy crawly children imagery.  I'm not sure if the horror genre is completely dead, but Sinister appears to be another nail in the coffin.

Batman Incorporated #4:  Sure, Grant Morrison's Batman Inc appears to be set in a universe completely separate from the New 52 but that's no reason to get your panties in a twist.  Morrison continues his Silver Aged obsessed hunt for Talia Al Ghul and enlists an unlikely alley into his cadre of Batmen.  Who is Wingman?  The answer is not as interesting as what the revelation does for poor demented Damian.  There's a lot of exposition to wade through with Morriosn, but the muddy narrative path is just as exciting as punch 'em up fight scenes.

Talon #1:  Ugh.  Yeah.  I'm done.  Talon takes everything that I found mysterious and creepy in Scott Snyder's Bat book and forces it into the light.  And it's lame lame lame.  Mr. Rose returns to Gotham in the wake of the Owls downfall but the evil 1%ers are alive & well & still hunting for his blood.  Snooze.  I'm not going to continue.

Punisher - War Zone #1:  The Punisher vs. The Avengers.  Yeah, sure.  That's a fair fight.  Spider-Man gets all righteous after Frank uses one of his web shooters during a mob assassination.  Apparently a couple cops get killed.  Time for Cap & Co to take out the vigilante.  So issue #2?  Thor brings down the hammer smashing Frank's molecules into oblivion, right?  Game over.  Well, I guess Wolverine might be on the side of The Punisher or something. I'm not going to bother to find out.  Super Heroes is just not what I want from a Punisher book.

Wolverine Max #1:  It's Wolverine with swearing!!!! Oooooo.  Another snooze from Marvel this week.  I dig the Jock cover but that's about it.  Wolverine crash lands in Japan and looses his memory.  Really?  More amnesia nonsense.  Plus Logan vs. Shark = lots of blood & guts.  But these Max books can sometimes feel like poor excuses for potty language and gore.  The story seems very been there done that.  Tell em I'm wrong and I might pick up issue 2.

Captain America #19:  In his eight year run on Captain America, Ed Brubaker produced one of the greatest super hero comics on the stand to one of the most disappointing.  The Winter Soldier.  The Death of Captain America.  Amazing.  Cap Reborn?  Terrible status quo rebooting.  And Brubaker returning Cap to the typical tights action from the gritty espionage business?  So sad.  But here's his final statement on the series.  And it's appropriately bittersweet.  Steve Rodgers visits the crazy 1950s Cap in the hospital.  He apologizes for the effect the Captain America legacy has had on this nutjob.  But in doing so he also states why he must carry on the symbol.  Whatever missteps this series might have taken lately, the writer proves that he still understands the appeal of the character.  It's time to go Brubaker, but damn, you will go down as one of the all time great shepherds of the character.

Argo:  Ben Affleck continues to prove his mastery of tense crime dramas with this breakneck telling of the Iranian Hostage Crisis...or at least one tiny and bizarre aspect of the Crisis.  Argo plays like a whackjob Ocean's 11 with Ben Affleck's company man reaching into the banal B.S. of Hollywood as a means for military rescue.  With the help of the Planet of the Apes wizard John Chambers (John Goodman) and money man Lester Siegel (Alan Arkin) as well as artistic talent of Jack Kirby (Michael Parks...ok, he's only in it for two seconds and he's never named on screen but that's JACK KIRBY!  Holy Cow!  Jack Kirby on Screen!  New Gods Saves The Day!) Affleck stages a daring if completely insane rescue of the six embassy workers hiding out in Victor Garber's Canadian embassy.  Argo will send shivers and create panic attacks; it's easily one of the most thrilling film's of the year and I am in awe of Ben Affleck's transition into filmmaker.

Seven Psychopaths:  Did someone turn on the time machine and transport us back to 1995 where every film wanted to be Pulp Fiction?  Seven Psychopaths feels right at home with films like 2 Days in the Valley and Albino Alligator.  And if you cram in Spike Jonze's Adaptation and voila!  That being said, I really enjoyed it.  Not as much as the director's previous In Bruges, but the diabolical fun these actors are obviously having is infectious even when it's just scenery chewing.  The hospital staredown between Christopher Walken and Woody Harrelson is worth the price of admission alone.  And Tom Waits' bunny lover?  Yeah, that's a bag of crazy worth subjecting yourself to.  But for me, this film is all about Sam Rockwell.  He's batshit.  And utterly pathetic.  But he deserves his shoot out and so do we.

--Brad

Matt's Week in Dork! (10/21/12-10/27/12)

    Started the week with a trip into DC to the National Zoo with Ben.  It was a beautiful day, and just cool enough for a lot of the animals to be out and about and having some fun.  It’s a darned nice zoo, well kept and the animals seem in fairly good spirits (with the exception of the primates, but they never seem too happy).  We got to see the octopus getting fed, and holy smokes, that thing is a beast.  50lbs, I think the guy said.  The tigers and lionesses were up and about and moving around.  The pandas weren’t, but I guess they’re in mourning for the recent death of the cub (is it called a cub?).  They’ve got a nice sea lion pool, and a few other really nice set-ups.  It’s really a nice zoo and a good place to stop if you’re looking around on the cheap.

     On to the movies...

Lady Chatterley:  A young woman’s husband is paralyzed in a way that disallows the giving of the business.  He’s worried about her womanly needs, so puts the idea in her head that she’s welcome to take what she needs when she wants it and from whomsoever pleasest her best.  If nothing else, the film serves as an interesting look at life in the aftermath of the first World War, with elements of old world living still hanging on.  This ‘director’s cut’ is quite long (!), with lots of slow, quiet, dialog free scenes.  Considering it’s over an hour in before we get to the naughty bits (super awkward sex scene that I imagine is what love in the eyes of the Victorians was supposed to look like; you know, with the woman just laying there…enduring), and reviews from folks I know who have read the book, I can’t imagine it’s really a heck of an entertaining thing.  But as a period piece movie, it’s interesting.

FDR: American Badass:  “Shut the f%&$ up Einstein!”  Clearly an accurate glimpse into our past glories, battling those evil Nazi werewolf bastards who kept giving people the polio.  The Delano will shoot down every last hairy jackass who tries to import their crappy werewolf blood tainted booze, give innocent folks the polio, or enslave Europe.  With the help of his stalwart companions, he’ll take the fight to the beaches of Normandy if that’s what needs doing.  Even if his wife doesn’t like his jiggly little polio legs.  There’s something in this movie to offend nearly everyone, and everyone is clearly having a good time.

Daughters of Darkness: Belgian horror?  Why not?  Some pretty women, some melodramatic acting, some moody Belgian location shooting.  Great?  No.  But it was worth a watch.  More in line with Jean Rollin that Jess Franco.  Which is good news in my book.

Argo:   Based on a true story, this film, if nothing else, should serve as a reminder a) don’t go to Iran and b) (religion + politics) crowd = somebody’s gonna get murdered.  The cast is excellent, the direction (Ben Affleck, really?) is good, and the period vibe is well captured.  Is this a movie I’m going to want to revisit?  Probably not.  But in this year of not so good movie after not so good movie, this one does stand up as a pretty good flick.  Very tense.

Seven Psychopaths:  Like a dark, violent take on Adaptation, this tale of a hard drinking screenwriter goes into some strange, surreal places where the fourth wall crumbles and reality is not quite what it seems…or is it.  The cast does a fantastic job here, even Farrell.  It’s violent, odd, and very, very funny.  And there are lots of great little bit parts and character actors.  A lot of fun.

Sacred Flesh:  Where did medieval nuns find the time to get boob jobs?  This is basically just a soft-core fetish video for people into nuns and light S&M.  That’s not me.  And the nudity didn’t really do much for me because of the plastic breasts, the tattoos, and the piercing, which are both unappealing and historically inaccurate.  There’s a lot of pop-philosophy pedantically snarked by a chick in a crazy queen getup.  So, if you like that kind of thing, it might be cool, too.  I don’t.  But hey, it’s mercifully short.

The Fountain:  “Death is the road to awe.” Over the last several years this movie has crawled up the list to become one of my all time favorite films (second favorite of the 2000s).  I think I watch it about two or three times a year, and I enjoy the heck out of it each time, even with all the emotional stuff going on inside me.  The movie is beautiful, like a painting.  And the cast is very good.  The music is phenomenal.  And though I don’t have a mystical bone in my body, nor do I believe in any kind of afterlife, the story about death, rebirth, creative destruction, eternal love, and all that is quite moving and beautiful.  There’s also a degree of ambiguity about the whole thing that (again, like a painting) leaves a lot up to the viewer to interpret.

Tarzan’s Secret Treasure:  Moaureen O’Sullivan is still Jane by this film.  This is still early enough in the series that the daily life of the family (Tarzan, Jane, and Boy) gets a good deal of screen time.  Boy gets all curious about civilization, and takes a journey out into the world.  When people get wind of gold in Tarzan’s land, they get the fever.  But what matters gold to Tarzan, who already has everything he could want?  The earlier films in this series certainly had a more epic, adventurous feel, with more exotic seeming locations and more diverse stories.

Tarzan’s New York Adventure:  Those darned white men with their greed and violence.  Some hunters this time, looking for lions to kill.  But after they kidnap Boy, Tarzan and Jane have to go to New York City to find him.  Tarzan doesn’t think too much of civilization, but that’s no surprise.

Vampire’s Night Orgy:  There’s precious little orgy.  But there are a lot of ugly people and a hairy axe wielder.  Living in a vampire town seems like a drag.  Especially when the countess keeps sending her goons to get meat for dinner.  The music is something special.  It sounds like something you’d hear in an airline commercial while watching The Love Boat.  The vampires in this are more pathetic than scary, and their plans just not thought through.

The Horrible Sexy Vampire:  “I’m bad at logic.”  “Explaining is stupid.”  This movie begs the question, ‘did European women of 1970 all have horrible looking fake red hair/wigs?’  And this should probably be called The Horrible Randomly Invisible and Not Especially Sexy Vampire.

The Vampire Happening:  I guess this is a comedy.  Or what passes for one.  Not much plot and not many jokes.  They do try to make up for obvious shortcomings with a good deal  of nubile nudity.  But the movie is still pretty bad.

The Werewolf VS Vampire Women:  Low budget and typical Euro-crap sabotage this one, but there’s unrealized potential.  It tries for a Hammer vibe, but fails.  Partly because, in spite of almost continual opportunity, there’s almost no nudity.  To the point that it seemed weird.  Haphazard storytelling and weird emotions spazzing all the time don’t help.

Terror Creatures from the Grave:  A mysterious letter from a dead man.  Strange tales of plague spreaders, buried in unhallowed ground.  And a bunch of people who seem to know more than they’re saying.  This is a moody, but annoyingly disjointed horror tale about revenge and haunting.  It’s supposedly based on the works of Edgar Alan Poe.  I guess, maybe on The Fall of the House of Usher?  I’m really not sure.

The Mummy Returns:  “Where is all this stuff ‘written?’” This follow-up to the OK remake of The Mummy embraces the wackier, pulpier side of the first.  Reincarnation, a treasure hunt/chase, Mr. Echo from Lost, everything you need for an over the top mummy adventure film.  OK, yes, their Egyptology is excruciatingly bad, but I like that they actually used the Scorpion King in this, and I do think The Rock could have been a great foundation for a spin-off franchise.  Sadly, the spin-off movie was a crushingly awful and not at all what the flashbacks from this film indicated.  Rachel Weisz gets a chance to do some action and be pretty physical, which is nice.

    I watched the first episode of The Winds of War.  I’ve been aware of this series since I was a boy, but never got around to watching it.  It’s OK so far, though it kind of feels like it’s aimed at hitting all the familiar marks.  We’ll see.

    I think I’m now totally caught up on Hellboy.  I read House of the Living Dead on Sunday morning, and I think that’s it for what’s out.  I kind of went Hellboy crazy these last couple of weeks.  Though not as crazy as Brad.  I still may go back and re-read the rest of it; the Library Editions 1, 3, and 4.  And I’ve got a couple ‘Weird Tales’ collections, but I don’t think I was in love with them when I tried reading ‘em a few years back.

    I read the first trade of the new Brian K. Vaughan series Saga.  I don’t know.  I wasn’t too impressed.  I love Y: The Last Man, but this sci-fantasy goofiness doesn’t sit well with me.  A bit too much like that Bakshi movie Wizards.  Plus, the one character I was starting to find somewhat interesting dies.  That sucks.

-Matt

Trailer: Seven Psychopaths

I loved In Bruges.  Great crime caper and still the best damn movie Colin Farrell has ever been associated with.  Now comes the follow-up flick from director Martin McDonagh and its got dog-napping, a pacifist Christopher Walken, and a bunny loving Tom Waits.  Sounds good to me.



--Brad

Brad's Week in Dork! (10/23-10/29)

Happy Halloween!!!!!  My favorite holiday is finally here and I've achieved my goal of watching at least one horror film a day for 31 days (as of right now I'm at 38, but I've still got plenty of day ahead of me --I'm currently watching Wes Craven's Shocker & the AFI Silver has a trilogy of Vincent Price tonight).  So yeah, most of my week was taken up with movies...

MOVIES OF THE WEEK!

Phantom of the Paradise:  Brian DePalma wraps his properly powdered fingers around The Phantom of the Opera and bombards his audience with a mucho mondo rock opera starring the utterly sad/beautifully crazy William Finley as the singer/songwriter Winslow Lech who makes a deal with the devil, music producer Paul Williams. Sure do love the gonzo nature of the film but I was surprised by how much I enjoyed the music that backs up the plot and by how much I sympathized with The Phantom. And Gerrit Graham's Beef is hilariously cool.  I definitely feel like a more complete cinedork after consuming this cult classic.

The Burning:  A typical, so-so slasher plot punched up by the beautifully gory Tom Savini prosthetic gags and an ecclectic batch of rising New York actors like Jason Alexander, Fisher Stevens, Holly Hunter, and Brian Backer.  There's nothing here that you can't get elsewhere, but I'll take this over several of the Friday the 13th entries.  Plus, add this to the top of the Best Axe To The Face List.

Arachnophobia:  A plague of deadly spiders threaten small town America and only city doctor Jeff Daniels can stop the menace with his radical use of autopsies and prescription pills! When I was 11 years old this film scared the living heck outta me. Now...I enjoy the Julian Sands scientist and Brian McNamara's wet behind the ears lackey. The rest is only so-so and John Goodman's comical exterminator is kinda annoying.

Jurassic Park:  For me, Jurassic Park was the last of Steven Spielberg's High Art High Entertainment era--the era of Jaws and Indiana Jones. From this point on even his "light" flicks like Catch Me If You Can or War of the Worlds are steeped in an "Oh So Serious" vibe that leaves a poor taste in my mouth. Jurassic Park works due to the strong performances from Neil, Dern, and Goldblum that really sell the mad blend of CGI/Animatronic beasties. And of course, the near seamless blending of Stan Winston's animatronics and Dennis Muren's breakthrough CGI.  

Captain America The First Avenger:  The final lackluster moments of the film bothered me a lot less the second time around.  I'm in awe at how well Chris Evans captures the honest, idealistic heroism of Steve Rogers and with the exception of Batman Begins, this might be my favorite super hero origin story on film.  That's quite a feat considering that I was absolutely sick & tired of Origin flicks going into this film.  Hugo Weaving is rightly hammy as The Red Skull and even though I would have liked a more satisfying climax for his character, he's still half the joy of Joe Johnston's movie.  But more Nazis & Howling Commandos please.  Hope the sequel incorporates some of that missing WWII time.

Attack The Block:  I've seen this four times now.  Two in the theater and two spins of the blu ray.  This film has been hyped like no other this year, but believe the hyperbole--there is no other film out there in 2011 (so far) as fun as Attack The Block.  John Boyega as Moses, the south London Monster Squad leader is a revelation and should be making everyone's breakout performance list this year.  And the wolf gorilla beasties are top notch, my favorite New Monsters.

Lust for a Vampire:  Another Hammer Horror version of the lesbian vampire fantasies of Sheridan LeFanu's novel Camilla, Lust for a Vampire delivers on all the points that it should: Nudity, Blood, British Hair Style. The film defintely drags a bit and could have been much improved with the addition of Christopher Lee instead of the wannabe count in the background of the story. Fun, but if you want a better crack at this same material check out Hammer's Twins of Evil.

THEM!:  Spawned from the first atomic bomb detonation, a giant race of ants tears its way across the continent. Ready to shoot off their antenna and pry loose their mandibles are James Whitmore's flamethrower, James Arness' mad Thompson Gunner, and sexy lady doctor Joan Weldon. For 50s era nuclear horror, it doesn't get much better than THEM! Love the skeleton violence and the constant inflamed puppets.

The Lost World:  An abysmal followup to Steven Spielberg's immensely entertaining original Dino Blockbuster, The Lost World aggrivates the viewer at nearly every turn with ridiculous plot conveyances thrusting tired Jeff Goldblum back to the island (or the island next door) to save his T-Rex loving girlfriend (Julianne Moore in a rare bit of crapacting). And, yeah, Vince Vaughn is there to ham it up for Earth First but he's nowhere near as atrocious as Goldblum's screamy gymnastic daughter...sigh, The Lost World is right up there with Batman & Robin as films you wish you could will outta existence.

The Phantom of the Opera:   "Feast Your Eyes! Glut Your Soul On My Accursed Ugliness!!!" A visually stunning silent horror, Lon Chaney is fantastically dastardly as the psychotic Phantom hellbent on transforming Mary Philbin's shrieks of terror into those of passion. Meanwhile, Norman Kerry's "normal" suitor also struggles for her affections but must simply battle her awful flights of fancy...Recently having the opportunity to experience the film with an accompanying orchestra at the AFI Silver, it's amazing how effective the film still is, especially The Phantom's initial reveal. Grotesquely gorgeous.

Scream and Scream Again:  Vincent Price! Christopher Lee! Peter Cushing! Uh.........All three have very little screen time in this film so if that's why you're tuning in (what other reason could there be?) than don't even bother. I do like the jogging opening credits with its ridiculous freeze frame and jazzy 60s score and I found the jogger's diminishing story to be kinda fun, but for the most part Scream and Scream Again is an utter bore until the Pricetastic climax.

Tomb of Ligeia:  Definitely not my favorite of the Corman/Price/Poe films, Tomb of Ligeia entertains with its typically manic lead Price performance and there are some trippy hipno-dreams that showcase what works best in the 60s Corman era. The film drags at the halfway mark, and could have used a little more pulp in the middle. That Black Cat sure doesn't like Price though, meow.

Something Wicked This Way Comes:  Two boys (and a whole town) succumb to the dark curiosities of Jonathan Pryce's demonic carnivale; thankfully old papa Jason Robards is there to battle wits & wills with evil. Something Wicked This Way Comes is a fascinating Disney adaptation of the Ray Bradbury classic jolting he audience with magnetic turns from Royal Dano, Diane Ladd, and Pam Grier. But this flick is all about Robards and Pryce in that mirror maze; Robards has perhaps never been more badass than when he's staring into his mirror of regret--a definite must see for fans of Cable Hogue.

MUSIC OF THE WEEK!

Bad as Me:  I too snatched up Tom Waits' latest album.  Favorite tracks right now are "Hell Breaks Luce" and "Bad As Me."  The man with gravel for lungs still has it as evident in the youtube vid below.

AUDIO BOOK OF THE WEEK!

The Night Eternal by Guillermo Del Toro & Chuck Hogan:  Early in the week I finished up the second book in The Strain trilogy and immediately jumped into the third and final book.  I'm at the halfway point and The Night Eternal has delivered on the apocalyptic promise of the first book.  It took a little time getting there but we've reached near Road Warrior doom & gloom.  I know this is gonna get the comic book treatment in the next few months, but I'd love to see this horribly depressing trilogy up on the big screen even if Del Toro himself doesn't direct it.  

--Brad