Tuesday, September 3, 2013

New Release Tuesday!!! (9/3/13)

Today's pretty much a bust.  Sure, we've got a few flicks that I want to check out, but there's nothing out there right now screaming for a MUST BUY.  Don't worry though, next week the world will be blessed with Star Trek Into Darkness......uh, yeah....prepare for some epic hypocrisy on ITMOD's part.  Until then, grab your best glue-on Selleck 'stache and roll your pennies because Jesse Stone is all boxed up for your pleasure.


Jesse Stone - The Complete Collection:  I grew up entranced by the cool of Tom Selleck.  Magnum P.I. was a staple of our household; to this day I'm just biding my time till The Wife & I can dump our lives and finally set up our Hawaiian detective agency.  Of course, we all know that Selleck was never able to break free from that character.  Despite wildly entertaining films like Runaway & Quigley Down Under, he never made a career out of the big screen like he rightfully deserved.  A few miserable misfires later (Mr. Baseball, Her Alibi) and Selleck simply settled into the TV guy.  Friends, Last Stand At Sabre River, Boston Legal, Monte Walsh.  Some decent stuff, but nothing terribly exciting.  When the Jesse Stone TV Movies plopped onto the boob tube I didn't really bother - they just seemed like the kinda movies the Barnes & Noble grannies consumed and no other.  Then the boys over at cineAWESOME! did their Stonetastic episodes, and they convinced me to purchase the first Robert Parker adaptation.  I was pretty much hooked.  You can read my own Jesse Stone adventures right HERE.  Ok.  They're not "great" films, but they are addictive.  And the series contains a killer cast of background players: Saul Rubinek, William Sadler, Viola Davis, Stephen McHattie, Rebecca Pidgeon, William Devane, Krista Allen, Mimi Rogers, etc.  And now all the Stone films are gathered in one big box complete with your very own PPD Baseball Cap.  But does it come with whisky & depression too?

Bay of Blood:  Kino continues its Mario Bava Blu Ray Collection with this grandaddy slasher.  Here is the film where Jason Voorhees got all his tricks.  Bay of Blood is not as classy or as iconic as Bava's Black Sabbath or Danger Diabolik, but it's certainly more grand guignol with the proper geysers of gore.  And as with previous Bava Kino releases, the bloody reds will look beautifully beastly in HD.


The Iceman:  Haven't seen it yet, but Michael Shannon is definitely the guy to play the infamous mafioso hitman.  Just look at that poster!  Is there anything scarier than that stare?  Don't think so.  Too bad Zack Snyder couldn't quite capture the fear brought on by the Shannon brow.  Sure, he made plenty use of his twitchy screams...."I WILL FIND HIM!"  But that's neither here nor there, I'm just doing that blogger thing in which I slam on something while praising another - how very hipster of me?  After all, how else can I fill up this page with drivel?

Now You See Me:  I need to see this simply for the cast.  Word on the street is "mediocre" but I don't think another film this year has assembled a group of actors this eclectic or interesting.  I doubt Michael Caine & Morgan Freeman get much screentime, but I'm excited to see the Zombieland reunion of Woody Harrelson & Jesse Eisenberg.  Plus, Mark Ruffalo always cranks out a good detective.

Empire State:  Well, this just appeared outta nowhere.  How broken is cinema that a film staring The Rock goes straight to DVD?  Or is the real question, how terrible is Empire State that it goes straight to DVD?  Lughead Liam Hemsworth can't cut it in the NYPD so he settles for a gig driving an Armored Car.  Heists & Hijinks ensue, and The Rock shows up to take down the troublemakers.  The trailer looks.......like a movie.  A movie we've all seen a half dozen times already.  Still, Dwayne Johnson is making a play for 2013's Actor of the Year and ITMOD is committed to all of his properties.


The Lords of Salem:  I root for Rob Zombie.  Not sure why as nearly all of his films have disappointed me in some fashion.  The man has a sense of style for sure.  He obviously likes the same movies I like.  But as he pulls from Stanely Kubrick & Roman Polanski he just can't make his copies work on their own.  The Lords of Salem has a great cast of iconic actors, but it's also spearheaded by a vacuous lead performance from Zombie's own wife.  Frankly, if you're into this sorta thing you should probably just watch The Devil's Rain.  It's campy, stupid, beautiful, and genuine.  The Lords of Salem is just another nostalgic pretender to the throne.

Sharknado:  I just can't.  Purposeful "Bad Movie" Making is becoming more than a little tiresome.  I know we live in a pop culture universe where nostalgia is king, and we love to laugh at idiocy as much as we do at real comedy.  But Sharknedo?  It's a tornedo filled with sharks!?!?  That's hilarious!......no, it's dumb.  And the movie looks like crap cuz it is crap and not ironically amazing or whatever.  Stop supporting crap.  Go watch Death Race 2000 instead.


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