Just Juice Him!

It's also been a long dang time since we've said much about blog favorite Jason Statham.  Obviously, this is in part because he hasn't done a particularly good movie in five years (OK, I love the first two Expendables movies, but come on...Crank 2 is his last masterwork).  Here's hoping he and The Rock have some seriously awesome screentime (baby oiled battle royale).  But seriously, we love this guy.  He's just been making it difficult lately.  However, if Rosario Dawson proves anything, we're willing to wait...years if necessary...to continue loving him.  In the Mouth of Dorkness is all about love and forgiveness for cinema sins.  Except you, Robert Rodriguez.  You've really dropped the ball, sir.  Oh, I kid.  We'd forgive you, too; if you ever make a good movie again.  Anyway.  Statham.  Be badass again.  We've missed you.

-Matt

Brad's Week In Dork! (5/19/13-5/25/13)

This week was all about blowing the stink of Star Trek Into Darkness out of my life, and there was no better aid in that endeavor than the charmingly ridiculous stupid of The Fast and The Furious franchise.  I know what you're asking, "Brad, how can you enjoy a group of films that are obviously and infinitely more hairbrained than anything found in JJ Abrams' latest abomination?"  Ummmmmm, maybe.  It's certainly true that the first two Fast & Furious flicks are pretty damn terrible, and it's only till they start drifting in Tokyo that the films become any sort of real entertainment.  Of course, with Fast Five the producers begin to take notice of the crazy brains scheming of Marvel Studios, and Assemble an epic globe trotting adventure that exchanges the limp biscuit cgi malarky for grande "Damn, Did You See That!?!" practical car crack ups.  Toss in the The Rock (aka Samoan Thor) and your too dumb-too stupid franchise is Saved!

"Weee!  I Make Everything Better!"

However, before moving on to the street racing glory, I had to delve one more time Into Darkness.  This time dragging Mom, Dad, and The Wife to The Alamo.  Still hated it.  Sorry, folks.  I'm fascinated by how irritated my friends, family, & coworkers can be at my complete lack of enthusiasm for this latest Trek.  Part of that fascination can be contributed to my own bewilderment at their enjoyment.  Even if you're not a Trekkie you have to acknowledge the complete lack of substance or intelligence to the screenplay.  My disdain for this film is not just "Khan's Not White, okay, guys!"  It's a film riddled with conveniences, plot holes, and slipshod homage.  And it's dumb.  Not Fast & Furious dumb fun.  Just dumb.  Shiny, sure.  Easy to watch.  But it crumbles under the tiniest bit of scrutiny.  And I hold Star Trek to a higher standard than the latest 2 Hour Popcorn Killer.  If you don't - if you set Star Trek Into Darkness right next to Battleship or even The Avengers than I can see you shrugging off this latest adventure as a jolly good time.  But for me, the best Trek reaches for something higher than your wallet.

Star Trek Into Darkness:  Okay.  More Spoilers here.  I just can't talk about this movie without dishing out plot points.  What is Khan's plan?  He blows up Section 31 so that Admiral Marcus & his cronies will gather together.  He shoots up their boardroom.  Then he beams to Kronos.  Why?  Does he know that Marcus will send Kirk (or some other goon) to attack Kronos with his shipmate torpedos?  Why does he leave the torpedos active with his men inside?  Why are torpedos built with a hollow center for men to hide in?  What is Admiral Marcus's plan?  He defrosts the 300 year old Khan for his savagery?  How is he a better bomb builder than other Federation scientists?  Would Napoleon Bonaparte be a good addition to our current military?  Khan has super blood.  His blood can cure mysterious child illnesses.  His blood can resurrect dead Tribbles.  His blood can resurrect dead Starfleet Captains.  His blood can heal animal & human alike.  No more death for anybody!!!!   Um, couldn't the blood of the other 72 super humans aboard the USS Enterprise do the same thing?  Why does it have to be Khan's blood?  I hate this movie.  It's dumb.  And I'm starting to think Star Trek - Nemesis is better.

2 Fast 2 Furious:  When Vin Diesel and director Rob Cohen jumped ship for xXx, the producers of The Fast and The Furious pushed Paul Walker into the spotlight and brought on John Singleton for a little street cred.  The result is a bloated slog.  Tyrese Gibson is a fun enough Diesel replacement, but what little chemistry he can fake is lost in the drawn out undercover plot.  It's a manufactured Love You/Hate You bromance that doesn't come close to matching the wannabe Point Break relationship of the original film.  Eva Mendes is meant to be the love interest/sex object, but she seems totally bored by Walker's blue eyed gaze.  Seeing them flirt is as painful as it is neverending.  Obviously, the writers don't know yet that Walker & Brewster are meant to be - the family has yet to properly come together.  As is, 2 Fast 2 Furious is easily the weakest entry in the series.

Mission Impossible - Ghost Protocol:  The first half of this film is as good as this franchise gets.  The IMF is once again disavowed after their team is implicated in the Kremlin bombing.  Tom Cruise, Simon Pegg, Paula Patton, & Jeremy Renner come together to chase down another pesky terrorist, climbing the Burj Khalifa for super secret codes, chasing masked henchmen through dust storms, and hypnotizing Indian billionaires with magically plunging cleavage.  The plot holds very little interest,  this film might also house its most lackluster villain (sorry Michael Nyqvist, Dougray Scott was better - burn!).  But Brad Bird proves himself the king of cartoony action even when he's playing with live dolls, and Ghost Protocol is heaps of fun when Tom Cruise is busily smashing cars atop asshole badmen.

The Fast and The Furious - Tokyo Drift:  The Fast and The Furious - Tokyo Drift:  From the opening credits, you know something is different about this Dieseless & Walkerless Fast & Furious entry.  Justin Lin's camera is alive as it moves through the high school hell of Lucas Black.  The soundtrack is hipper, the teen landscape simmering with that hateful enthusiasm of youth.  One more town, one more school to alienate.  Lucas Black does just that after a construction yard race ends tragically.  His mom ships him off to Tokyo to live with his father; it's not like he can run afoul of the Yakuza there.  Oh wait.  The schools there are just as bad, but with the added bonus of a mob presence.  Thankfully, Black meets Bow Wow aka Twinkie, and the two form a fast friendship around cars and women.  Black proves himself as a street racing protege, catching the attention of bored low life Han (The Fast and The Furious's greatest creation) and together this trilogy of odd will take down Sonny Chiba's fedora don.  The Fast & Furious franchise was good and dead before Tokyo Drift.  Justin Lin came on board with a real vision and a love for real deal car races.  Sung Kang's Han brought genuine heart to the series.  Suddenly this was a brand to watch.

Peter Tork @ The Birchmere:  Tuesday Night was a real trip.  I know I've mentioned this on the blog before, but my Wife is a real Monkees maniac.  A few weeks back we caught Michael Nesmith at The Birchmere and as cool as that was, it really didn't capture the spastic joy brought on by Peter Tork's intimate performance.  We raced to the club after work, afraid to get stuck in the back with the cheap seats.  Sadly, not a whole lot of Northern Virginia showed up for Tork (about 50 folks) and The Wife & I scored some pretty damn good seats.  We were actually next to Tork's son the whole time and I found myself time traveling every time I stared at him working the projector.  That's right...projector.  As Tork performed Monkees classics his son added a little visual.  A very talky, chatty show.  Afterwards he welcomed autographs & pictures.  Lisa nearly lost her mind when Tork gave her a hug, and she even told him she'd leave me for him.  That's okay cuz he said I could have his fiance.  We're swinging now!

Pete Holmes @ 930 Club:  The next night The Wife & I were in DC for some stand-up.  I was fairly unfamiliar with Holmes (having only caught one or two eps of You Made It Weird) but from nearly the moment he took the stage I was dying with laughter.  He was a blue boy, and I don't think I'll be able to think of apartment hunting the same way again.  Since that night I've been a regular listener to the show, and I just downloaded his album Impregnated with Wonder.  A word of warning: Do Not Drive And Listen.  I nearly killed The Wife & I as I bellowed with laughter.  Dangerous Stuff.

They Live:  "Brother, life's a bitch...and she's back in heat!"  Another fabulous screening at The Alamo Drafthouse DC, complete with bubblegum and badass shades.  Obviously, this is one silly movie.  Rowdy Roddy Piper brings every ounce of his WWF Energy, and bashes it upon the silver screen with all the subtlety of a flaming mac truck.  John Carpenter blasts his rage upon America's Greed and he hits the nail right on the head, keeps on thwacking, and slams it through the crust of the Earth.  They Live is a goofy film filled with silly dialog and cheese filled melodrama, but I find as I get older, it's also a film that resonates perfectly with my own retail existence.  They Live gets me to laugh hard.  But if I start to dwell on it, and sense it's relevance as strong today as it was in the 1980s it can also make me a touch melancholic.  The Thing and Big Trouble in Little China will always be my top Carpenter flicks, but They Live has moved in right behind them.

Fast & Furious:  As far as quality goes, seated right behind 2 Fast 2 Furious is this fourth entry.  Not sure what went wrong.  Justin Lin proved himself to be the right man for the job, but he relies too heavily on the action of computer graphics this go 'round.   Despite bringing the gang back together and introducing the the family theme, Fast & Furious is rather forgettable.  Heck, as I sit at this computer, I'm struggling to remember the details of the plot.  Paul Walker worms his way back into the hearts of Jordana Brewster & her brother Diesel despite the fact that he's responsible for the death of Michelle Rodriguez...kinda...sorta...stay tuned to this franchise!  But the real problem of this film is all the night shooting.  What the hell is going on in these set pieces?  Hard to see, hard to care.  And the repetitive tunnel chase at the climax is a real snooze.  Forget this flick, let's move on.

Fast Five:  "East L.A. Avengers Assemble!!!!!"  Holy Cow!  This film is far too good to be the fifth film in a franchise.  Is there any other example of a series that takes five films to find itself?  Tokyo Drift was the first decent film, but Fast Five is the first honest-to-goodness action classic.  And it's not just the introduction of The Rock.  He goes a long way in grabbing my interest, but I think all the credit has to go to Justin Lin & his producers.  They keep the neon street race theme, but drops these criminal nimrods into a global bank heisting scheme worthy of Ocean's Eleven or James Bond.   The CG is kept to a minimum and Lin cranks the practical car crashes to mondo gonzo levels.   The climactic vault race is seriously stunning.  Sure, I think the producers were watching the buildup to The Avengers very closely and thought, "Yeah we can do that."  Suddenly there's a whole lotta wacky fan servicing occurring and a beauty of a stinger in the wings.  It all works though, with a silly but deeply sincere emphasis on family & faith.  It's easily to laugh at, but I can't help but get drawn in by the charm.

The Wild Bunch:  "I'm tired of being hunted."  After spending a week with these modern macho men pretenders, I needed a serious dose of real manhood to remind my perpetual youth that there is something else to strive towards.   Sam Peckinpah's Wild Bunch fit the bill.  It had been a few years since my last viewing, and I had forgotten just how excruciatingly violent the opening slaughterfest is, and how deplorable these guys are when you separate the reality from the fantasy of cinema.  Sam Peckinpah's West is a savage, hateful heartland - it's a brutal reminder of the corpses resting beneath this country's foundation.  So much orange blood.  And I love it.  William Holden is a scumbag gangster on a horse.  His friends are killers.  They're only heroic when standing next to the greed of the railroad beasts.  But when the frame of the film closes on a second bloody showdown, you see our heroes grab women as shields and do all they can to spend one last second killing another man.  It's a bleak world.  Not the happy black & white morality usually subjected upon John Wayne's fan base.  And I would give my last hit of tequila to have been an audience member during that original release.

Furious 6:  Fast Five brought America to the franchise, but Furious 6 is mostly for the already established fans.  The film does not simply jump from one action scene to the next (most of which have been spoiled in the trailers); there are whole segments that would mean nothing to anyone but the die hardest of die hard fans - seriously, why are we returning to L.A. to pigstick a baddie from two films back?  Um, cuz this is The Avengers of Shitty Car Racing Films!!!!  Yeah!!!!  Vin Diesel is soooooo damn serious.  I mean, he's always serious, but this time he's serrrrrrrrious.  Michele Rodriguez returns with a plot stolen from daytime television, and Vin bails on his smokin' hot Brazilian girlfriend for the downgrade.  Come on man, there's plenty of love in your heart for two ladies (& The Rock)!  Paul Walker & Jordana Brewster are pretty much sidelined this outing, but that's okay cuz there's more room for The Rock & Sung Kang to scowl and strut.  Furious 6 also might contain the single best stinger I've ever experienced in a theater (sorry Masters of the Universe), and I'm pumped for next year's sequel - Just Fast & Furious Enough!  Hmmmmm...this week of beefy beefy beefy men may have driven me mad.

My Dirty Dumb Eyes by Lisa Hanawalt:  Whoa.  This lady is one sick puppy.  And I love her.  A random collection of drawings & thoughts sprinkled with painfully humorous reviews of some of my favorite modern movies.  Ryan Gosling in Drive: "I think they could have gone a little further and given him a few more accouterments...246 Toothpicks!"  Or the peace pony film War Horse: "I'm also bummed that War Horse isn't more bad-ass and this isn't a horse version of 'Rise of the Planet of the Apes."  And let's not even talk about her thoughts regarding Red Angry Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.  If you are at all sheepish around sexuality than don't bother, but if you're ready to poke fun at yourself and others than Lisa Hanawalt is a fantastically smutty gateway into absurdity.

Isle of 100,000 Graves by Jason:  Matt's recent batch of reviews had me reaching for the bookshelf.  Not my favorite Jason book (that would be The Last Musketeer), but this twisted little pirate story is one messed up adventure.  A young girl convinces a gang of thieves to escort her to the Hangman Academy in search of her wayward father.  Meanwhile a young boy rejects his execution education in favor of a bloodless lifestyle.  Each humorous panel hides a bleak outlook, and you can't help but feel terrible as you chuckle along.  Jason is one of the great cartoonists working in the field today, and if you're unaware of his work then this would be a fine starting point.

--Brad

A Fistful of Road Rage! (Brad's Picks)

The Fast and The Furious franchise has to be one of the few cinematic endeavors in which each subsequent film gets better and better.  Sure, dumber and dumber too but dang!  Justin Lin knows how to string together some serious vehicular slaughter.  And when he added The Rock into that volatile mix of blood, bullets, & octane he hit upon something epically macho and utterly bro.  This series is a goof.  And I didn't start to pay attention until Mr. Johnson hopped on board, but as I've spent most of this past week prepping for Friday's Furious 6 release, I've found quite a bit of fun in the over-the-top absurdity of the Lin trilogy...soon to be quadrilogy!  To celebrate this mondo gonzo action saga, here are my top five favorite moments of Road Rage!

5.  Bonus Points (Death Race 2000):  Set in the far flung future of 2000 AD, the American government and the world's religions have crashed into each other forming The Bipartisan Party.  To keep the masses in line and glued to their television sets, The Party hosts an annual Transcontinental Road Race in which celebrity combatants like David Caradine's Frankenstein and Sylvester Stallone's Machine Gun Joe crash & smash their way to a gory finish line.  As much fun as it is to watch these gladiators go up against each other, the real hateful blood lust commentary comes from the Bonus Round.  Along the way if they hit innocent bystanders each driver is given a few extra points towards their victory.  Special Bonuses are awarded to dead children & the elderly.  Yes, before Grand Theft Auto there was Death Race 2000.  A real sick puppy, but funny as heck if you're blessed with a dark heart.

4. Open Season on the L.A. Freeway (L.A. Story):  Steve Martin's struggles in the land of weird are painful in their comedic attack, but no scene is as uncomfortable or as a accurate than the First Day of Spring in Los Angeles.  Martin's wacky weatherman with delusions of grandeur finds himself trapped on the LA Freeway, and his petty arguments must take a break for gunplay.  Thankfully he's got his revolver in the glove box and he can fend for himself as those around him discharge their hate upon his car.  Damn funny, but real sick humor.

3.  Popeye Doyle's Train Chase (The French Connection):  You can't talk about car chases without talking about the granddaddy of them all.  Gene Hackman's narcotics cop attempts to pursue a suspect after he's boarded the New York Subway.  The Detective nearly kills half a dozen people as he rams his Pontiac through garbage dumps and takes to sidewalks.  The brilliance is not the chase itself, but how it represents Doyle's reckless anger; all he has in life is the pursuit and it really doesn't matter what good or bad comes from it.

2.  Stuntman Mike's Collision Course (Death Proof):  As the second half of the ambitious Grindhouse, Death Proof is easily my least favorite entry in Quentin Tarantino's directorial canon (yes, that includes Four Rooms & that episode of CSI he helmed), but the one thing its got going for itself is that horrendous crackup at the center of the film.  While terrorizing Rose McGowan in the passenger seat, Kurt Russel's Stuntman Mike drives his tricked out death machine right into oncoming traffic.  His victim, the self centered Jungle Julia & her drunk cronies.  Tires go through faces, legs are ripped from windows, glass cuts through throats.  It is withoutadoubt the most graphic car crash ever put on screen. And it's essential viewing for driver's ed classes everywhere. Grisly, nasty stuff.

1.  Mad Max's Decoy (The Road Warrior):  You could easily snatch 6 or 7 great moments of road rage from this film or the original Mad Max, but the king daddy of tarmac warfare has to go to Lord Humungus' climactic tanker assault.  It is a breakneck chase, with Max behind the wheel attempting to swerve villains off the road and jamming his shotgun in their faces when they get to close to the bucket.  Director George Miller is a madman himself, putting his camera right up on the whiplashing action and at any moment the viewer feels like they too could plummet to their own road rashing death.

--Brad

Brad's Week in Dork! (5/12/13-5/18/13)

Sigh.  Let that be your warning - there be ranting blogger rage here.  From the very first set photo leaked from Star Trek Into Darkness, we here at ITMOD expressed reservation about the follow-up film to JJ Abrams' rather clever 2009 relaunch.  If you've read more than one of our posts here, you know that we're a pair of serious Trekkies - and it's hard to impress us when the crew of the USS Enterprise is involved.  Hell, we've hated on the original film series, the Next Gen crew, DS9, Voyager, and those bloody Bakula nimrods.  But for the most part, it comes from a place of love and we can find joy in even the weakest of Trek entries (I for one am a serious defender of Shatner's Final Frontier).  Star Trek Into Darkness marks the first film in the franchise that I full-on hated.  Nemesis & Generations might be weaker entries, but even in those lamebrain scripts you can find fleeting moments of character to latch upon.  Into Darkness is a remake in the guise of split-time sequel, and it preys upon your memories of the characters and the iconic events that shaped previous films.  If the last time you watched Star Trek II - The Wrath of Khan was a few years ago, and you casually think of yourself as a "Trekkie" cuz being a nerd these days is cool than you probably loved Into Darkness.  If you can check off your brain, ignore the craters of logic that obliterate the screenplay, and have no problem with 9/11 conspiracies or racial white washing than go have fun at the movies.  But if you ever bitched about Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull or Prometheus or The Dark Knight Rises but thought Into Darkness was a rollicking good time, than you are fooling yourself - or are completely ignorant to the idiocy assaulting your senses.  Whiz, Bang, Flash is not Star Trek.

Ok.  Have I insulted you yet?  Have I properly expressed how much your enthusiasm for this new Trek makes you an idiot?  Do I sound like a big enough asshole?  Smug enough?  Righteous enough?  Good.  Let's continue.

I really don't like being a hater.  My problem is that, when it comes to all things dorky, Star Trek is my one true love.  I love Westerns.  I love comic books.  I love Planet of the Apes & Magnum PI.  But above all else I love Star Trek.  It's why JJ's 2009 film is such a damn miracle to me.  He managed to make a flick that pleased mass audiences as well as basement dwelling trolls like myself.  Star Trek '09 is a great action movie that plays off the Kirk vs. Khan scenario that plagues all cinematic Trek films, but still delivers strong emotional character beats as well as winky callbacks to the original series.  And it's shimmering success really had me pumped for Into Darkness, even though the trailers & posters often gave me pause.  My joy for that movie, as well as the Universe it inhabits, ranked Star Trek Into Darkness as one of my most highly anticipated films of the year.  

As I often do, I decided to get serious with my preparation.  Watching all of Abrams's films prior to the new release as well as finishing off the second season of Lost with The Wife.  I really do dig his work prior to this latest abomination.  Despite whatever narrative balls get dropped in LOST, it still ranks as one of my favorite television shows.  Mission Impossible III revived a floundering action franchise for Tom Cruise's psychologically strained career.  Super 8 is a gorgeous love letter to all things Spielberg.  And Star Trek '09 is....well, you know already, just a geeky gem.  Hindsight being what it is, I can start to get cynical about the man.  His career does seem to prey, or at least leech upon nostalgia.  And since my brain is in a fairly dark place at the moment, it's easy for me to think of JJ Abrams as a monstrous money maker taking advantage of this Golden Age of Nerd, grabbing for our dollars by playing with our most beloved properties.  I am certainly curious to see what he does with Star Wars - Episode VII.  If this blog post proves anything, it's impossible to please all the geeks, and his Star Wars will surely grab the attention of haters everywhere.  The nice thing about that though is that George Lucas has pretty much killed that franchise already, and Abrams surely cannot do any worse than what the father has already committed.   

Below you will find hate for only one film.  I dig the others in varying ways.  Also, despite all this Trekkie ranting, the Week was filled with other great bits of dorkery as well.  Lots of comics.  The new issue of Fatale was amazing.  The Age of Ultron continues to exist.  I finished my blitz through Homicide - Life on the Street.  And The Ultimate Justice League of Extraordinary Book Club celebrated it's one year anniversary.  Star Trek Into Darkness might have put a damper on things, but lets' face it, I obviously love bitching about it, and at the end of the day new Star Trek is a good thing.  Live Long and Prosper, folks.

LOST - Season 2:  This is the season in which most of America jumped ship.  Not me.  I was enjoying the first season's mysterious island with its sadsack flashbacks and roaring unseen monsters - but! from the moment they found Desmond at the bottom of the hatch & the introduction of Dr. Marvin Candle & his Dharma Initiative I was truly obsessed with LOST.  Terry O'Quinn's John Locke spends much of this arc analyzing or confusing the messages being sent his way by The Island.  Push the button, don't push the button, push the button.  And what does it all have to do with Hurley's numbers.  As per usual you get more questions than answers, but they are some pretty damn fun questions.  Michael thankfully spends much of the show off screen screaming for "WAAAAALT!" and when he finally returns he brings a whole lot of crazy and death with him.  The new additions to the cast are all enjoyable, even Michelle Rodriguez's tough girl is a fairly interesting character and just when you're getting tired of her...well, The Island has an answer.  Of course, Season 2's greatest new character is Michael Emmerson's Henry Gale.  A real asshole who has a mess of fun twisting Lock's brain around; even if that's pretty easy, it's a heck of a lot of fun to watch.  It is odd watching it a second (or is this a third) time around.  I used to love Mr. Echo so much, but knowing how his story ends makes it easy to gloss over his character.  He's just one of many threads that leads to a brick wall of pointlessness.  Still, I love Dharma.  It might not go exactly where I want it to lead, but how can you not enjoy a shadowy organization messing with magnetic fields and trippy 1960s psycho-babble experiments.  Technology-gone-by, I eat that stuff up.

Mission Impossible III:  Coming at a point when it was popular to bash Tom Cruise for his whackjob beliefs (I recognize the man as crazy, but he's the pure embodiment of "A Real American Hero" - Hollywood's GI Joe), MI3 revitalized a franchise left on the killing floor by John Woo and his unnecessary pigeon explosions.  This is also the only film in the series to feel remotely like the TV show with its rube-goldberg action set-pieces and oddball collection of IMF agents.  Phillip Seymour Hoffman remains the only real memorable villain of the quadrilogy, even when he's phoning it in he's bringing 110% of rage.  Granted, I'm not crazy how Bad Robot injects the Alias subplot of the husband hiding his Secret Agent status from friends & family, but it was obvious from the previous films that some form of humanity needed to be injected into Ethan Hunt.  Sure, I have no idea what an Anti-God device is or why I should care, but when Tom Cruise is hurtling down the backally's of Hong Kong all you need to know is that he's gots ta smash Hoffman's face.

Super 8:  The first half of this film is nearly flawless in its recreation of a period.  Abrams certainly understands what works in those early Spielberg films; the man pulls all the family drama he can from Jaws, E.T., and Close Encounters of the Third Kind.  But it only works because Abrams has gathered an exceptional cast of child actors - you're lucky enough when you find one kid who can emote, but when you've uncovered half a dozen?  That's nearly unheard of; set these guys right next to  The Monster Squad & The Goonies.  Elle Fanning gets the most critical praise thanks to her stirring "performance" before the train explosion, but this is Joel Courtney's movie and all of Super 8's fantasy and heart rests on his shoulders.  The best bits are the moments between the kids, the ridiculously massive train collision is fun and the monster terror is exciting enough, but if you removed the interplay between the kids or even their Super 8 contest film, then all that's left is a mediocre monster mash.  The back half of the film is solid spectacle, but like LOST, the mystery box is much more interesting than the contents desperately hidden inside.

Fatale #14:  "The man who isn't a man at all..."  Ed Brubaker & Sean Phillips' third arc of seemingly stand-alone stories comes to a close with a doozy.  We've been given glimpses of Josephine's WWII history before, but here we get a real nitty gritty insight into the depths she plummeted during the Nazi's European reign.  Fans of Indiana Jones & Hellboy will dig the references to the Thule Society, and the Lovecraftian tentacle demons get plenty of panel time this issue.  Also, we are actually given an opportunity to understand Walt Booker's human monster, and it makes me wonder how our hero Nicholas Lash will be left at the end of the series.  My guess is haunted and mutilated, if not simply a corpse.  Fatale remains my favorite monthly comic.

Age of Ultron #8:  The first half of this series spent its time wandering the Post-Apocalypse of an Ultron ravaged America.  Bryan Hitch's art was amazing so it was easy to miss the fact that the plot was barely moving forward.  Now we're two issues from the conclusion and the plot is rushing by at a breakneck pace.  Of course, the whole "Age of Ultron" conceit has gone by the wayside and the real narrative of a time hopping Wolverine & Sue Richards reveals itself as a fun if disposable mirror universe tale.  I dig the technology ravaged Tony Stark and his buggy Defenders, but I have no idea who or what Morgan Le Fey is within the context of the Marvel Universe.  Nor do I care since it's all gonna get reset anyway.  I'm not hating this series, but it does leave me with something to be desired.

FF #7:  Another month, another amazing issue of FF.  The Future Foundation travels to the Negative Zone to rescue Bentley-23 from his clone daddy and free the super villain from the mind of Medusa.  Mike Allred kills it on art, and there are several Ant-Man panels I want mounted on my wall pronto.  The only way you cannot be enjoying this series is that if you have no soul.  Right now, FF is the best book of the Marvel Now relaunch with Thor - God of Thunder trailing closely behind.

Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #23:  Miles Morales has had to deal with death in the past, but the tragedy of the last issue truly rocked him to his 14 year old emotional core.  This issue jumps ahead one year and even though I'm not usually a fan of that kind of thing, I gotta admit that it works here.  We find Miles sans costume.  He's a year older, and in teen years that's practically a decade of emotional intelligence.  His relationship with his father seems stronger, he has a girlfriend in the Ultimate Universe incarnation of Kate Bishop (YAY!  HAWKEYE!  FU Matt!), and Gwen Stacey waitresses at a crappy Chinese Restaurant.  I really have no idea how he stayed out of the costume for a whole year, but it doesn't look like that's going to last much longer with Jessica Drew hounding him to join the Ultimates.  If you are at all annoyed with the Dock Ock silly of The Superior Spider-Man than it's time for you to jump realities.  Miles is where it's at.  

Star Trek:  "I dare you to do better."  As I stated in this week's A Fistful of Star Trek, my Trekkie heart is devastated during the opening destruction of the USS Kelvin.  I've watched this film a half dozen times now, and every time during the final exchange between Mr. & Mrs. George Kirk I well up with tears.  And I really do dig how the death of James Kirk's father alters his personality if not his destiny.  This is not William Shatner's Starfleet Captain.  Fitting into JJ Abrams' Lucas/Spielberg obsession, Chris Pine is much more Indiana Jones or Han Solo than Tiberius.  An idea I struggle with to this day (see below), but find myself open to in this action film franchise refit.  And torturous emotional blows like the Kelvin attack, the destruction of Alderaan - I mean Vulcan, the parenting of Christopher Pike, and the presence of Leonard Nimoy's Spock help the film to make it's play for mainstream dollars.  2009's Star Trek managed the impossible, grabbing new fans to a dead franchise while still pleasing the fanboys of yore.  Allow it.

Star Trek Into Darkness:  "You should have let me sleep."  Spoiler Warning for those worried about the precious Mystery Box of JJ Abrams.  If you're looking for a more in-depth look at my histrionics and hyperbole than please feel free to read my full, raged-out review of Star Trek Into Darkness HERE.  But if I were to boil this film down into one word it would be "Dumb."  The film completely squanders the good will committed in the previous movie, practically ignoring the split-timeline conceit by white washing the North Indian sikh known throughout fandom as Khan Noonien Singh into the pasty, growly Benedict Cumberbatch.  Is that a Trekkie nitpick, or simply racist?  It's certainly the action of someone who never liked Star Trek or it's philosophy (see heinous Jon Stewart interview HERE).  But let's move past that, and let's even move past the fact that we're doing another Starfleet Revenge story immediately following the one told in the last film.  Let's even try to ignore screenwriter Roberto Orci's ham-fisted attempt to shoehorn his Truther agenda about the 9/11 Attacks into the mouths and actions of Admiral Peter Weller.  Star Trek Into Darkness is simply a bad movie.  A script that often has to tell you why so & so is bad (dial up BFF Spock Prime), and painfully relies on your fond memories of Star Trek's greatest cinematic adventure to wring the tears from your sockets.  Is it clever to reverse Wrath of Khan's climax, or just lazy?  It's certainly lazy to telegraph the action halfway through your film with Kirk's "I Suck At Being Captain" speech and the awkward "Hey Bones, what ya doin' with that dead Tribble?" tension breaker.  And where exactly is the Star Trek universe left at the end of this film?  Well, it's now a world that no longer needs starships thanks to portable transwarp beaming units.  And Khan's "super blood" has cured death.  Yes.  No one can die again in Star Trek.  I know tension is a ridiculous concept in a sequel filled franchise, but COME ON!  You cured Death!!!!!  What the hell?!?!?  Screw you.  But don't worry.  The super blood will be quickly ignored the next time around.

Homicide - Life on the Street Season 7:  The final season certainly lacks without the presence of Andre Braugher's Detective Pembleton.  Kyle Secor attempts to fill the void with his zen investigator, but he's just not Frank.  And it's obvious that NBC was drilling the producers with notes as more and more sexy cops are added to the cast and romantic interludes begin to invade the crime sprees.  I do really like Agent Giardello's introduction; Giancarlo Esposito is a perfect foil to papa Yaphet Kotto and it's a shame he only got one season to play sonnie.  There are not as many memorable cases this season - there's the extremely dated Internet Killings for Baylis to loose his mind over, and Detective Shepherd's beatdown brings an interesting dynamic to the squadroom.  But where are the White Glove Murder cases?  How 'bout a great guest star standalone?  Not really.  Season 7 is solid television, but it's also easily the weakest entry in the series.

The 1 Year Anniversary Meeting of The Ultimate Justice League of Extraordinary Book Club:  Man, just look at that cake.  Absolutely stunning.  Crafted courtesy of longtime member Jill, that delectable chocolate cake also represents every title we covered this year.  Can you spot my favorite marzipan decor?  Well, obviously it's the Blacksad piece that reigns supreme on top.  I really cannot believe this book club lasted a year.  When The Wife told me she wanted to start it, I thought it was a great endeavor but I just didn't think folks would last...especially after the heated Habibi meeting.  I am so happy to be proven the needless doubter.  Every month I greatly look forward to the gathering, and I though this week's Massive discussion to be one of the best yet.  Most folks seemed to be lukewarm on the material, but that lone enthusiast kept the conversation going.  By the end of the night I went from completely exhausted on Brian Wood to ready to pick up the next volume.  Thanks William.

The Massive:  This was the fourth post-apocalypse story we read this year (Get Jiro, Y The Last Man, & The Walking Dead being the others), and it was easily my least favorite.  A great earthly cataclysm sparked by global warming has left the planet practically covered in water.  The treehuggers that pilot The Kapital are on a mission to find their sister ship The Massive.  Along the way they encounter pirates, pirates, and more pirates.  The narrative simply wanders from one conflict to the next, and I'm never quite sure why we should care about the missing Massive or why even these characters think it's still floating around out there.  There seems to be some mystical mumbo jumbo at play in the background, but it's so slight that it fails to illicit any kind of wonder from this reader.  This could be one of those books like The Walking Dead or Preacher that needs a couple volumes to really heat up, but I'm barely interested enough to wait for the next volume in December.

Homicide - The Movie:  When Yaphet Kotto is shot during a political rally, all the detectives from season's past (even the dead ones) appear to hunt down the assassin.  This is much more the satisfying conclusion than what we got in Season 7, and it solidifies Homicide as the greatest Detective program to grace the boob tube.  However, it also proves that one time rookie cop Tim Baylis is a true whelp and never should have walked through those squad room doors.  His first case, the Adena Watson killing, ruined him and his downfall is the great tragedy of Frank Pembleton's life.  I still crave another look at these characters lives.  Where is Frank now?  Is he still teaching?  How's his relationship with his wife and kids?  I have a feeling that Tim Baylis destroyed him mentally, and whatever his future transformed into, it's a dark and sad place.  Homicide was never a happy go-lucky show.  It was a challenge.  The characters were fallible and often infuriating.  But it was rarely boring.  I miss it.

The Fast and The Furious:  With Star Trek crashed and burned behind me, it's time to shake off the fanboy pity and dive into an epic example of franchise stupidity.  The Fast and The Furious is a film that takes itself way too seriously.  Vin Diesel & Paul Walker are so desperate to be cool that they fail miserably with their stern staredowns and flailing fistfights.  Director Rob Cohen tries to sell you on the badass of car racing with horrendous CGI glimpses of carburetors and pistons.  The film is laughable and often boring; how this led to the mondo glory known as Fast Five is beyond me, but I'm so glad the teenyboppers kept showing up for these idiotic flicks, cuz The Rock would transform this saga into a beautifully sweaty exploration of beefy machismo.

--Brad