Dork At: No Strings On Me

Just a few hours after the Age of Ultron trailer hits, the fan art flood began.  Glad to see folks getting pumped for the big bad James Spader & the Pinocchio remix.  "No Strings on Me" makes for an excellent meme or hashtag.  Bring your best fanboys & girls.  We've featured deviant artist Doaly before, but this is my favorite piece I've seen from him so far.

--Brad

"I'm Going To Show You Something Beautiful..." Age of Ultron Trailer Wins The Internet!

Yowza.  The troubling thing about working nights, is that sometimes you come home after a long day, and some bit of movie news has just absolutely devastated the internet in your absence (something that's been happening more often than not around ITMOD lately, sorry folks).  Yesterday, that news was the Age of Ultron trailer.  James Spader's gargley robotic voice promises early on "something beautiful" and Joss Whedon certainly delivers the goods.  Most of the trailer is what we saw at this year's San Diego Comic Con (minus a jovial cocktail party sequence, but Marvel doesn't want to confuse the Empire Strikes Back All-Shit-About-To-Break-Loose doom & gloom of the Ultron plot).  Still, now we can watch it over and over and over again and drool and drool and drool.

HULKBUSTER!  Yes.  We know internet, it is the coolest.  Just another geek miracle Marvel has been blessing fanboys since 2008.  But as much as I love seeing these two titans go at it in Wakanda (rumor mill!), the trailer wins my soul with James Spader's vocal talents - AND! not just because we're crazed Boston Legal fans around these parts.  The Evolution of Ultron from Iron Legion drone to genocidal world conqueror will finally deliver upon the Marvel Cinematic Universe a screen villain worthy of our fear.  I love Loki as much as the next tumblr addict, but he's more putz than terror, and the other bad guy stand-ins have mostly been one dimensional bores.  Ultron here is going to tear The Avengers apart.  Just look at poor cowering Bruce Banner, or that beautiful wide shot of the team separated aboard the quinjet.  Avengers 2 is not going to leave our heroes all buddy-buddy.  Captain America 3 - Civil War is coming after all.  When I left the theater in 2012, The Avengers gave me a giddy buzz of joy.  I imagine when I exit from Age of Ultron that buzz will still be there, but it's going to be birthed from a tremendous emotional bummer.  Not so much of a prediction here, but Avengers 2 is gonna make ya hurt, and there will be very little fist pumping glee from the audience...except for those masochists out there.  Here's hoping (always dangerous in the fan community, stop predicting/anticipating your desires and just enjoy the movies Brad!) that Avengers 3 will see the team come back together in a crowd pleasing Guardians of the Galaxy mashup against Thanos & his Infinity Gauntlet.  Marvel will mic-drop and bow out of the movie making business for good.  Ha.

--Brad

Brad's Week in Dork! (8/17/14-8/23/14)

It's my birthday week!  You know what that means?  Summer is winding down, all the big blockbusters are done, and we've got another Expendables movie to get frustrated over. The real winners came from the B Movie Bin - Charles Bronson's Mr Majestyk & Roger Corman's Sorceress. You're gonna want to add these batshit beauties to your collection pronto.

The Expendables:  When I first heard this film announced, I was thrilled at the notion of seeing all my favorite 80s action stars (+ a couple of newbies) in one big testosterone orgy.  Stallone had just directed the single most violent experience in the Rambo franchise, and he put a proper emotional caper on the Rocky films.  However, in the wake of subsequent sequels, The Expendables is more than just a hint of a disappointment.  The dialogue is stilted, the violence tame, the fight choreography uninspired, and the thrill of seeing Statham, Arnie, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, & Stallone sharing the screen (or runtime as the case turned out to be) is no longer there.  The first Expendables is simply a collection of missed opportunities.  Sure, Terry Crews still packs in the charm and Dolph is a wondrous neanderthal, but Eric Roberts is a bore, the damsel is laughable, and it is just not BADASS enough.  This is not the excessive tribute I want.

The Avengers:  Now here is a film that pays off on its iconography.  As a response to this year's Winter Solider & Guardians of the Galaxy, there has been the inevitable chatter of what film ranks supreme in the MCU.  I really, really, really love the 2014 Marvel offerings, but I seriously doubt there will ever come a film in the franchise to match my enthusiasm for their first battle royale.  I enjoyed the Phase One films just fine, but it's in The Avengers where the characters start to gel.  Through their interactions with each other (Tony & Bruce, Tony & Steve, Tony & Fury...hmmm...we see who makes the big bucks here) the film solidifies the emotional weight of the narrative.  It's not about Cosmic Cubes and Chitauri warriors, it's about "I'm Always Angry," Cap's battle fatigue endurance, and Loki's big brother complex.  Joss Whedon strives to give each player a moment, and manages to reveal to the world the appeal of a star-spangled boy scout and a depressed green rage monster.  This is something comic book geeks have known for decades, and it's a hoot to see the rest of the world invited to the party.

The Expendables 2:  The second outing is where things really get dumb, but also a whole heckuva lot more entertaining.  But in that Laugh At kinda way.  Jean Claude Van Damme is The Goat - ooooooooooooooo - a nefarious Bond villain with a cache of nukes and a thirst for pretty boy blood (Watch Out Liam Hemsworth!).  Stallone gathers the team together to save the world, and demolish Eastern Europe.  Con Air's Simon West brings a little life into the direction, but the endless splatter of CGI blood only highlights the bullshit vibe of the whole Expendables concept.  You just can't go home again.  There is only one Rambo, one Terminator, one Delta Force.  Please stop "I'll Be Back"ing the dialogue, it's just awkward - not cool.

Howard the Duck:  Guardians of the Galaxy simply necessitated another rewatch.  I know this is one of Matt's Favorite Movies, and even though I cannot possibly join him on that particularly crazy point of view, I do think Howard The Duck is not the abomination some might have you believe.  In the same fashion as The Goonies or Wall Street, Howard The Duck expertly captures the weirdness of the 1980s.  From its earnest punk rock revolution to its broad jabs at consumerism, the film strives to capture the biting satire of Steve Gerber's original comic even when the jokes fall flat, and the performance stretch beyond the stratosphere.  It's a boggling movie.  But it's weird.  And it's fun.  Bestiality is hilarious, right?

The Expendables 3:  "I Am The Hague!"  I will not bother to complain about the downgrade from R to PG-13.  Frankly, the first two films were only rated R thanks to waffling computer gore, so that type of bitching is moot.  That being said, it's obvious from the third entry that Stallone has no idea what makes the idea of The Expendables worthwhile.  After a nifty little jailbreak for Wesley Snipes, the crew is disbanded and Sly stretches the runtime with Kesley Grammar recruiting a new batch of young things.  I did not pay $15 to stare into the pink lips of Kellan Lutz.  No, I am here to watch Terry Crews chaingun a swath through a faceless sea of henchmen.  I want to see Jason Statham decapitate some chump with an epic round house kick.  I don't care about the polished teeth of youth.  The icons we came to see are barely present.   The Expendables 3 only succeeds when the old bastards get their screentime.  Antonio Banderas is adorable in his babbling enthusiasm for killing.  Mel Gibson is kinda terrifying when gleefully discussing the application of meat suits.  Wesley Snipes is WTF Crazy, and he's great for all five seconds he's given to shine.  I am your audience here Stallone.  I feed off of nostalgia.  Give me something to chew.  But this horse has been bludgeoned to death.  Also, director Patrick Hughes is set to direct The Raid remake???  God No!  Someone stop him!  The last thing we need is a cheap looking knockoff splattered with cartoon bloodspray and CGI tanks.  Laughable.

Mr. Majestyk:  Want a glimpse of real manliness?  Look no further.  Kino Lorber just released a new blu ray of what I consider to be Charles Bronson's finest hour, and it is a gorgeous burst of raw 70s manliness.  Yes, as much as I love the Death Wish films, Mr Majestyk is where it's at.  Screenplay by Elmore Leonard (who later wrote the novelization that can still be purchased at your local bookshop), is a simple watermelon farmer desperate to clear his crop when he runs afoul of Al Lettieri's mob enforcer.  It's one of those films where principle matters over common sense, and thankfully Bronson's Majestyk has the special forces training to back up his righteousness.  Great, simple gun battles punctuated by Bronson's well worn intensity.  This is the ultimate (Mid)Western, the type of film John Cougar Mellencamp dreams he could replicate in song.  Once upon a time, I would watch this flick on loop, and despite having an Elmore Leonard autographed poster in our bedroom, I recently discovered that The Wife has never had the pleasure.  So, it looks like I'll be watching Mr. Majestyk again real soon.

The Congress:  High Concept movies are a bitch to pull off.  Robin Wright plays herself, an aging actor with a sick kid and a limited time left in front of the camera.  After some plot demanded internal struggle, she sells not just her image but her whole being to Danny Huston's Hollywood mogul so that he can use her in whatever cinematic tripe he deems worthy of profit.  It's one of those films that enjoys potshots at our current pop culture landscape while trying to mine deeper concepts like The Human Soul.  I appreciate the attempt, and the first half (where actual actors populate the screen) is certainly engaging.  However, when the real world morphs into Cool World, the scenery gets wackier, the reality less defined, and my interest dims.  Neat to look at, but ultimately an obvious declaration.

Batman - Assault on Arkham:  DC Animation is loosing it, and it's hard not to attribute their artistic slump as a direct result of Bruce Timm's departure.  Justice League War, Superman Unbound, The Flashpoint Paradox, Son of Batman, and Assault on Arkham all seem more interested in acquiring their gritty PG-13 rating and reveling in moronic bloodshed & creepy sexual references then actually telling a good story.  Which is a serious bummer, as DC used to own the animated arena.  Heck, just last year they completed the extraordinary feat of adapting Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns & it was PHENOMENAL!  Assault on Arkham is directed by the same guy (Jay Oliva), but it's only victory is that it crams in as many references to the hit video game as it can while promoting the uber-lame Suicide Squad.  Owning the DC Animated films used to be a requirement, but now it's looking like even renting them is dangerous.  Such a letdown.

The Fade-Out #1:  I'm still processing the conclusion of Ed Brubaker & Sean Phillips' Fatale, and already they've launched into a brand new series.  It appears like they're taking a break from the supernatural to tell a straight up Noir centered in the golden age of Hollywood.  I, of course, am totally A-OK with that.  It's a typical set-up: black-out drunk screenwriter wakes up in a hotel room with a dead starlet sprawled on the carpet.  Who killed the diva?  Plenty of suspects.  It may seem premature to praise The Fade-Out, but given their track record, you would be an absolute fool not to want to jump into this hardboiled pool.  October will see the release of the final Fatale tradepaperback, and as stoked as I am to reread it, I am even more excited that such quality comics are on their way.

Duck Soup:  Half the year is over, and I still have plenty of Cinematic Resolutions to check off the list. For whatever reason, I've never been much of a comedy guy, and I certainly have never been one to consume the supposed comedy classics.  Only recently have I discovered Charlie Chaplin & Harold Lloyd, and I was kinda hoping that The Marx Brothers would fall into that similar realm of "Damn That's Classic For A Reason."  Unfortunately, I can't say that I was won over.  I enjoyed what delightful dicks Groucho & Chico could be, but their jokey joke comedy felt too much like Dad humor for me to fully embrace.  Duck Soup got me some chuckles, but I left the theater appreciating its place in cinema history more than as an actual entertainment.

Sorceress:  Now here is a film of cinematic legend...or at least it should be.  Produced by Roger Corman during that wondrous Conan The Barbarian knock-off phase, and directed by Foxy Brown's Jack Hill (until a post-production dispute kicked him off), Sorceress has pretty much anything a 13 year-old boy or stunted adult could possibly want.  We're talking twin Kung Fu Playmates, a horny Satyr, a fatherly viking, a vengeful ape-man, a marauding zombie horde, and an actual appearance by that winged lion on the box art.  In short, B-Movie gold.  Never before available on DVD, Scorpion Releasing makes a name for itself by finally gifting us this gonzo exploitation onto blu ray.  A MUST OWN.

Sin City - A Dame To Kill For:  Some things are better left unadapted.  Frank Miller's Sin City comics are an ultra-masculinized reworking of Film Noir tropes, a genre that already reveled in hedonism and bravado.  The plots were never stunning, it was all about the ridiculous hardboiled dialogue and Miller's mastery over negative space.  Replicating that onto the big screen, Robert Rodriguez barely manages to capture the bizarre visuals and it's a rare actor who can pull-off the lingo.  Josh Brolin gives the good ol' college try.  Mickey Rourke is practically a Dick Tracy face pre-latex, so his Marv is a top-notch brute.  And there probably has never been an actor more suited to be a Frank Miller puppet than Eva Green.  I admire her game.  But ultimately, the Sin City films leave me cold and unimpressed.  Jessica Alba is wrong, wrong, wrong as stripper Goddess Nancy, and her "original" story of revenge that concludes the film is dull, awkward, and out-of-sync with the timeline.  Joseph Gordon Levitt might have made for a good addition if his story had any weight whatsoever.  So, this might sound crazy given the current climate, but not every comic needs to be a movie.

See No Evil, Hear No Evil:  Saw this on netflix, randomly watched it late one night.  It's a film I saw a lot as a kid, and I don't think you're going to find too many people who agree with me on this one, but it is my favorite Richard Pryor/Gene Wilder pairing.  It's an ultra silly crime caper in which a blind guy & a deaf guy are on the from the law as well as a couple of killers.  Hijinks ensue.  Nothing innovative here, but the film wins me over because of the warmth each actor displays for the other.  They're a couple of losers wallowing in their disability, but through each other they learn to enjoy life once again.  Misanthrope gimmick comedy.  Apparently, I'm a sucker for it.

Beasts of Burden - Animal Rites by Evan Dorkin & Jill Thompson:  Saturday night was our 3rd Meeting of our 3rd Year of Graphic Novel Book Club.  I know I say this every month, but I can't believe it's still going, and I can't believe how much I love it so.  Beasts of Burden marks one of those rare occasions where we all pretty much loved the book (ok, so William was a little lukewarm on it, but I'll take that as a victory).  Imagine the X-Files but cast with Cats & Dogs and you pretty much get the gist.  A series of one-and-done comics that slowly builds to an overarching story involving a malevolent force calling out from the small town sewers.  Creepy, ghoulish, even heartwarming.  The only trouble is that the comics have been going since 2003 and it seems like we've only scratched the surface of this world.  We're greedy, and we want more, more, more from the gang.

--Brad

Comic Review: Saga Volume 2

    Sometimes, I just don’t get other people.  Look, taste is taste.  I get that I like things that others don’t like.  I get that others like things I don’t like.  But sometimes the disconnect, especially when it comes to people with whom I share similar views, is rather profound.  Many science fiction fans, for example, put Terminator 2 on their list of best sci-fi films.  Huh?  Getting past it being a shallow remake of the first film, it also manages to do all the things everyone hates about the Star Wars prequels, nearly a decade earlier (read: make everyone and everything cool into someone or something stupid and lame).  This struck me again when I picked up the first trade of Saga.  Here was a comic being hailed as one of the best new series, as a great science fiction epic, etc.  Well, everyone who said those things is wrong.  Not saying they can’t like the book, but they’re wrong to claim it as a) good or b) good science fiction.  And as I read the second volume (for a graphic novel club), my bafflement at the love and my general distaste for Saga crystallized.  What Saga is, is not a grand science fiction epic.  It’s a bland retelling of Romeo & Juliet, filtered through years of wink-wink snarky Joss Whedon dialog.  This feels like something a teenager would scribble on the back of her English Lit notebook after discovering Piers Anthony.  It’s like Jewel poetry turned into a comic.  And this from the guy who wrote one of my all time favorite comics, Y: The Last Man.  I don’t get it.

    In skimming the first volume again, as I prepared to read the second, I was struck anew by how uninteresting most of the characters are.  The introduction of The Will and The Stalk made me wish the story would immediately change directions, dropping the sappy love story and turn instead into some science fiction adventure tale.  Alas, by the end of the first volume, one of the only interesting characters to come along was dead.  In volume 2, the other interesting character quickly gets tied up in a creepy anime-vibe storyline I’d rather not dwell on.

    As my comment about the 16 year old girl might indicate, I found this whole thing to be quite childish.  There’s even a lot of ‘shocking’ stuff, that feels like it was thrown in by an adolescent in the hopes of getting a reaction (see: the film career of Lars Von Trier for an example of this on a larger scale).  I was not shocked, but mildly annoyed by obvious stunt writing.  And the narration.  The narration.  Ugh!

    I’ve read worse comics.  Astonishing X-Men, Young Avengers, etc.  These are worse.  But I’ve read few things that make me more angry.  So much wasted talent on such a juvenile and hackneyed series.  And people are eating it up?!  I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.  It’s like when I tried to watch an episode of The Big Bang Theory, and I felt like I was being punked.  Certainly it is not one of the most popular shows on TV, right?  Someone is was having a go.  Alas, it is popular.  And Saga is, unaccountably well received by people who otherwise seem to have a functioning sense of taste and quality.  I don’t get it.

(edit: After the group discussion, I understand more of the reasons why other people like the comic.  From its exploration of parenthood to the 'fun' things it does.  I can't join in on the love; and I am glad I don't have to read any more of it; and I still don't think it's one of the best comics out there.)

Saga Volume Two
Author: Brian K. Vaughan
Artist: Fiona Staples
Publisher: Image
ISBN: 978-1-6070-6692-7

-Matt

New Release Tuesday!!! (10/8/13)

This is an exciting week of electric releases.  You have potentially the greatest incarnation of Batman outside of a comic book, plus Criterion's Spooky October series begins, a mustachioed Lee Marvin, and the Seed of Chucky has spawned a reboot.  You won't go broke this week, but you'll spend some serious time streaming some rentals.

MUST BUY DVD OF THE WEEK!

Batman - The Dark Knight Returns Deluxe Edition:  Best Buy has had this on their shelves for a couple of weeks now, and I've already watched it twice.  Just a damn good movie.  For decades comic book nerds have said that Frank Miller's Batman opus could not be replicated on the big screen...and they were half right, as Hollywood couldn't make it happen, but DC Entertainment's animated devision sure as hell could.  They've put out some iffy stuff in the past (Batman/Superman Apocalypse yeash) and some brilliant stuff as well (Justice League - The New Frontier), but I'm ready to claim the complete cut of The Dark Knight Returns as their masterpiece.  Peter Weller is Batman.  He's been out of the scene for over a decade, and Gotham City seems to have become an even crappier crap hole than before.  A roving gang of Mutants rules the night while the billionaire playboy tries to recapture the thrill of death on the race track.  Come on Bats, what were you thinking?  There is no end to Batman.  And that's what this film explores exceptionally.  Those looking for a straightforward narrative might find the four chapter screenplay a bit sluggish, but that's a small quibble when you're given so much Bat gold...or grit.  And if you're frothing at the mouth at the very idea of Zach Snyder's Batman vs Superman than you'll want to check out the climactic Kryptonian beatdown seen here at its brutal best.

BUY!

I Married A Witch:  Having just spent a month obsessing over The Criterion Collection, I'm pretty much committed to purchasing every single release.  The first of their October Halloween releases, I Married A Witch is apparently a comic tale in which Veronica Lake's Salem Sorceress sets her sultry sights on Fredric March's Richie Rich - hijinks ensue.  I'm a little more excited for the Eyes Without A Face & The Uninvited releases later this month, but my collection could certainly use more Veronica Lake.

Shout At The Devil:  This is not a great movie.  It's barely a good one.  But Lee Marvin vs Roger Moore set against the backdrop of World War I Africa?  You gotta see it just for the Lee Marvin handlebar mustache alone.  And there is a pretty rocking fist fight between Moore & Marvin planted at the center of the movie.  I can't really recommend this for the average movie goer, but if yer a Marvin maniac like myself than you have to have this Shout Factory blu ray.  Still, why they hell are Point Blank and Prime Cut not available in high definition!?!?!?  It's insane to me that Shout At The Devil gets there before those obvious classics.

RENT!

Much Ado About Nothing:  Sure, Joss Whedon's Shakespeare adaptation is fun enough.  What I really like is the notion that Whedon gathered up his friends and filmed this during a Christmas break from The Avengers.  Watching it through that lens will allow you to forgive some of its saccharine twee.  Much Ado About Nothing has never been one of my favorite plays (I'm a tragedy/history man myself), but if you're feeling particularly gormless or romantic than it will certainly hit the spot.

After Earth:  Not nearly as bad as some would have you believe, and nowhere near the worst monstrosity ever perpetrated by one time wunderkind M Night Shyamalan (uh, let's try not to remember The Last Airbender, The Happening, Lady in the Water).  This is a fun little adventure film in which Will Smith & son are stranded on an apocalyptic earth, counting down the seconds until their tic tac air filters run out, or the Cloverfield limb monster swallows them whole.  Sure, little Will Smith is not a particularly strong actor, and he's not given any help thanks to the awful hillbilly accent they saddled these future humans with or the countless CGI threats that are tossed his way.  He could have used a puppet or two to act against.  

Curse of Chucky:  I'm pretty darn excited for this Direct-to-DVD sequel or reboot or whatever.  Brad Dourif is still the voice of Chucky, so that's a win, and he's brought his daughter into the franchise as the distraught mother battling the demonic good guy doll from Toys R Us hell.  Don Mancini, the writer of the original film and the director Seed of Chucky, returns to helm what is hopefully a twisted tale of goofy horror.  What I don't want is a dour retread of the original.  Let's see some of those gross out gags made not-so-famous in the later films.

Corruption:  I've never seen this one, but I'm always down for some Peter Cushing.  Here, the man who held Darth Vader's leash, plays a mad doctor experimenting in diabolical skin grafts.  Sounds a lot like Eyes Without A Face to me, but again, who cares when it's Cushing on the prowl.  And in HD?  Sign me up.

AVOID!

The Hangover Part III:  I thought the first film had a few gutbusters.  I appreciated it's dark, mean-spirited humor as well as its willingness to jump into the absurd - Mike Tyson.  The second film was painfully horrendous in its shot-for-shot remake style approach.  Thankfully this third film is not nearly that bad, but it's really just not funny.  It tries to reach for an epic status, but nothing that occurs in the film matches the intensity of its poster marketing.  A couple chuckles but this frat party is over.

The Purge:  I really love the core concept of an America that has become so morally corrupt that one day a year citizens are given a Get Out Of Jail Card.  Burglary, Rape, Murder.  It's all good.  Unfortunately, this bitter pill of an idea is tossed away for a routine home invasion film in which Ethan Hawke & Lena Headey scream, cry, and panic as their children go down dark hallways they shouldn't.  Simply long, dull, and annoying.

--Brad

Brad's Week in Dork! (4/28/13-5/4/13)

This was a good one.  Yes, I did finally score a copy of Martin Scorsese's New York New York, but I decided to get focused - devoting almost my entire attention upon comic books and comic book movies.    Iron Man 3 launched the summer season, and as stated a few weeks back, Shane Black's entry into the Marvel Universe had my curiosity all a flutter.  The king of the 1980s buddy cop dynamic backing the canned frontman of Marvel's Avengers?  What can the man who wrote Lethal Weapon & Last Action Hero offer the bombastics of Super Hero cinema?  Well, I'm happy to report that he succeeds in carrying the weight of The Avengers, and Robert Downey Jr discovers new depths to plummet Tony Stark.  It's a damn solid sequel.

It's been almost a year since I attended AvengersFest, and I was really craving another spandex lead-in to the next Marvel Blockbuster.  Rather than killing a day with a bombardment of heroics, I spread the Marvel mania across the week, allowing each entry its proper space to soak into the brain (as if it wasn't addled enough).  As you'll see below, films I used to place above others have slipped, and films I once scoffed have taken the top spot in my heart.  Don't worry, The Avengers still rules my fanboygasms.  The other great thing about devoting this week to costumed shenanigans was that it would also climax in Free Comic Book Day, the ultimate celebration of the four color form.  And, oh yeah, The Alamo Drafthouse DC has finally landed in the neighborhood.  Time to Happy Dance.

Iron Man:  "You think you're the only super hero in the world?" The Marvel Cinematic Universe is unleashed with what is, for the most part, a rather routine super hero origin story. But to crap on ol' Shellhead would be unfair. Where was the genre in 2008? Richard Donner's Superman. Tim Burton's Batman. Bryan Singer's X-Men. Sam Raimi's Spider-Man. Christopher Nolan's Batman Begins (the best of the bunch). And a bevy of flicks not even worth mentioning other than to belittle or vehemently scorn (I'm looking at you Ghost Rider). What Jon Favreau's Iron Man really offered was a fresh personality. Robert Downey Jr's Tony Stark is undoubtably charming - the Marvel James Bond - bedding ladies & knocking down the rogues out to cause global trouble. The film doesn't excite so much on the rewatches. It's got solid action, an endearing relationship in Gwyneth Paltrow's Pepper Potts, and a decent enough baddie in Jeff Bridges's bushy beard. But as The Avengers Initiative post-credit tag promises, Iron Man is simply a stepping stone into a comic book kingdom popcorn audiences were just simply not aware of, but one fanboys had been craving for decades.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang:  "I want you to picture a bullet inside your head!" Having supplied most of my boob tube youth with its bitter snark, screenwriter Shane Black steps behind the camera to show all the pretenders how its really done. Robert Downey Jr leaps out of movie jail with this perfectly biting jackass performance. Tony Stark is born in Harry Lockhart, small time crook turned actor turned gumshoe. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is a mean little miracle of a meta comedy - a film that expertly mixes chuckles & violence, more so than the best of Lethal Weapons or the smiling hate of The Last Boy Scout. Val Kilmer delivers his final hurrah of charm as PI Gay Perry, the Abbott to Downey's Costello...or is he Costello to Downey's Abbott. Whatever. They're beautiful together.  It's all winks, but they're seriously strong winks.  "For all you good people in the midwest, sorry we said 'Fuck' so much."

Iron Man 2:  This film gets dumped on as a meandering mess of improvisation and world building, and yes, the strain is certainly felt during drunken party brawling & "Please Exit The Donut" S.H.I.E.L.D encounters, but in the aftermath of The Avengers' blockbusting success Iron Man 2 is an entertaining brick in Marvel's castle. Tony Stark's descent into ego, triggered by the first film's "I Am Iron Man" climax, is a fresh idea not previously explored in the movies.  And Robert Downey Jr manages to keep the audience on his side even when he's behaving like an absolute ass.  It helps that Sam Rockwell's Justin Hammer is prancing on the stage around him, squirming & slithering his way to nebbish villainy. He's certainly more engaging than Mickey Rourke's whip cracking behemoth; if anyone gets the short end of the stick in this film it is certainly the big bad. He's relegated to two half-ass cgi encounters, and is mostly used as a slobbering foil to Sam Rockwell's bewilderment. Iron Man 2 is far from a cohesive picture, but I still find it more enjoyable to the run-of-a-mill origin of the first film. It's a dip into Marvel crazy. A hint of something bigger; something never attempted before in Hollywood.

Homicide - Life on the Street Season 5:  Introduced at the tail end of the last season, Erik Dellums's Luther Mahoney takes over season 5 as the looming crime boss of Baltimore.  He's a monster for sure.  Suave, cool, all confidence.  His smile is as violent as any drive-by shooting.  Reed Diamond's Detective Kellerman begins his slippery descent into hell with arson corruption charges and concludes the season with a gun pointed at the kingpin.  He was one of my favorite new characters of last season, but Kellerman eventually morphs into the most despicable and utterly pathetic Detective of the series.  How his partner Lewis manages to scrape the filth from his coat is beyond me - the most baffling, but acceptable television script doctoring, I guess.  Other highlights from the season are the past villains in the "Prison Riot" reunion,  Elijah Wood's boarding school killer ("The True Test"), and the climactic investigation into Detective Beau Felton's suicide...or murder?  Of the seasons I've rewatched so far, this is easily my favorite.  Kellerman's internal struggle, the straining Pembleton marriage, and the parade of casually evil killings make this one of the most tense, and painful runs of television.  Just the way I like my Homicide.

Detective Comics #20:  Seven issues into his run and writer John Layman brings his Emperor Penguin arc to a conclusion...or at least an end to a beginning.  His run on Detective has been plagued with crossovers ("Death of the Family" & "Requiem"), but when it's not distracted it's been exceptional and this single issue might be the highlight.  Goon turned pooh-bah, Ignatius Ogilvy had a good run of it and his mixing of the Man-Bat syrum with both Poison Ivy's toxin & Bane's venom transformed him into an exceptional Silver Age villain for the New 52.  'Course the real Penguin is not going to sit by and let his empire be stolen, and even if Ogilvy appears down for the count I'm betting Layman's got dastardly plans for his new creation.  I'm totally on board.

Hawkeye #10:  ITMOD favorite Francesco Francavilla stops by for a fill-in story surrounding the background of the killer Clown.  From what I've gathered we've never encountered this guy before but he certainly seems familiar.  And I'm still pissed about last issue's Grills finale.  Looks like Matt Fraction is building to some serious drama amongst all this lighthearted entertainment, and I'm happy to see the larger arc starting to form.  This issue sees another perspective on The Bros, and Kate Bishop takes more of the spotlight from Barton.  Sure, this is David Aja's book, but Francavilla is always a treat.  His art is a little in contrast to Aja's, but it's beautiful, colorful yet moody work.  He can fill in anytime.

Age of Ultron #7:  Logan & Sue Storm return from the Hank Pym murdered past to discover yet another age, but this one birthed from their own devious actions.  I've enjoyed this series pretty much from the beginning, but I certainly haven't loved it.  This is really the first issue that perked my alternative realities interest - one eyed Colonel America, Cyclops Cable, holey Ben Grimm,  Iron Man's armada - but I'm afraid they spent too much time in the first half reveling in the devastation and now that the book is getting crazy it's gonna rush a climax.  Only three issues left, a whole lotta story leftover.

Indestructible Hulk #7:  I'm still waiting for Mark Waid to kick ass on this book.  I was hoping the departure of "serious" artist Leinil Yu & the return of demi-god Walt Simonson would bring some much needed levity to the story.  As much fun as it was to see the "Hulk Worthy" last issue, the revelation of Thor's Mjolnir manipulation got a sad shrug outta this reader.  It's a fun enough tale, but it doesn't take the adventure to the next level the way Waid's Daredevil or his Rocketeer managed to do on a monthly basis.  So-so.

Iron Man #9:  God Dammit!  I'm still reading this crappy title!  If anything, this Week In Dork should prove to you that I can seriously love Tony Stark.  What Robert Downey Jr & company have proved is that Stark can be a fascinatingly flawed individual.  Through the years I have not followed every action of the Marvel Comics character, but I've enjoyed his tenure in Brian Michael Bendis' Avengers & I really liked what Mark Millar did with him in Civil War.  And since I've been loving Matt Fraction's work in Hawkeye & FF, I think it's time I devoured his Incredible Iron Man run.  But I gotta say, this Marvel Now Kieron Gillen incarnation is just the absolute pits.  Stark travels the Cosmos in search of Celestial killer 451, he teams up with the ridiculous Death's Head & avoids the Guardians of the Galaxy.  How does this all tie into "The Secret Origin of Tony Stark?"  SPOILERS if you care...Well, a robot knew his dad once.  Lame.  Gillen is dragging Tony all over the place with this book and maybe we're starting to discover an arc here, but I really don't care.  I've given you nine lukewarm months, Marvel.  And cuz I'm a sap and I want to love this character so damn much, I'm probably going to give you nine more.  I should vote with my dollars and drop this sucker, but I'm a dope - a fanboy, and I'm gonna keep reading and keep bitching until it gets worse or better.  God dammit!

Green Arrow #20:  Holy Cow, now this book is kick ass.  But unlike Iron Man I've never delved into the world of Oliver Queen before...well, there is that appearance in Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns and I think I read Kevin Smith's short run some time back but I don't remember a dang thing about it.  As Fraction is doing in Hawkeye, writer Jeff Lemire is making me care for a character I once thought of as nothing more than a boring Robin Hood wannabe.  I still don't quite get Queen.  He's another rich playboy playing vigilante.  But Lemire is definitely putting this costumed hero through the wringer.  The purple archer Komodo is taking the good boy to task, beating, bashing, torturing his way to Oliver Queen's soul.  And then there's the mysterious starfish-eyed Magus.  What's his deal?  Mysterious seems to be equalling sinister, but we'll see.  And as violent as Lemire's script can be, artist Andrea Sorrentino's panels are just as vicious - selling the plight when the mystery is not enough.

Thor:  "It's a good look." This is the key film in Marvel's march towards The Avengers. Here we move beyond the "reality" of science based heroes (Iron Man, Hulk) and into the realm of batshit fantasy. If Thor had failed in its depictions of Asgard, Frost Giants, & Rainbow Bridges than The Mighty Myth would have remained an outcast of the super group. However, Kenneth Branagh and screenwriters Miller, Stentz, & Payne sell the insanity of such a universe with high adventure grounded in humor. Littlest pet shops, Renaissance Fair jabs, Asgardian butt shots. Not to mention Chris Hemsworth's smile. Those supernatural pearly whites are enough to make the manliest fanboys (as if those exist) swoon. And with the exception of a shoehorned Hawkeye, the S.H.I.E.L.D. presence feels organic to the script and Clark Gregg succeeds in bringing the band together. There are bits to quibble - budgetary constraints result in a claustrophobic small town setting with Asgard not getting its due, the climactic architectural devastation results with the wrong folks on the wrong sides, and it's more charm than Badass. But I'd also say that Thor is the one film post-Iron Man 1 and pre-Avengers that feels the most solid; it's certainly the only building block that could exist on its own. A shock given my original blase attitude towards the whacky classical icon's existence in the superhero realm.

Captain America - The First Avenger:  Probably the most frustrating film in the series, Captain America never quite sells its period setting or the grandness of its adventure. Still the first half of the film, the origin story, is a real corker. Chris Evans excels as scrawny Steve Rodgers, a kid sick of sitting on the sidelines as the global bully Adolf Hitler consumes the best of American youth. When Stanley Tucci's exiled scientist offers him a seat in his man machine, puny Steve Rodgers is evolved into the super human Captain America. There is heart in their conversations over good nature, and the film peaks with their final moment together. From that point in the film we get glimpses of iconic WWII battlescapes, and a series of tepid montages that tease rather than exhilarate. Monstrous CGI Tanks and a running stream of blue screens gives the entire proceedings an artificial taste, the threat of World War nothing more than a first person shooter. The Red Skull's Hydra hides the evil of the nazis, stripping the story of history as well as cinema's greatest villain, and diluting the triumph of our hero. When the two rivals finally meet in the unfriendly skies, their conflict is as satisfying as those montages. Quick. Fleeting. Just another link to The Avengers.

Photo Stolen from The Birchmere's Facebook Page.  Thanks.

John Hodgman @ The Birchmere:  I'm not a fan like The Wife, but I've always found "something" tremendously appealing about Hodgman's brand of humor.  He works the nerd crowd - hipstery, but you know, in a good way.  He comes on stage flashing his ridiculous amount of showbiz swag, taking pot shots at himself and the celebrity world he sometimes inhabits.  He makes references to Ayn Rand as quickly as he does Battlestar Galactica - flaunting his cred as wildly as he does his AWEsome mustache.  He's not a barrel-laughs kinda guy, but I found myself eating up the show with the rest of his crowd.  He's a goofball in the same vein as Jim Gaffigan, but instead of feeling the comfort of a fellow Hot Pockets devouring buffoon, I am fully aware listening to his comedy that this man is far smarter than I am.  But that can be a comfort too.  A level of nerdom to strive towards.

The Avengers:  "That's my secret Captain, I'm always angry." After a half dozen rewatches I have yet to tire of the comic book joy overflowing from the screen in this crowning achievement of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Years in the making, The Avengers is the Damn Yankees of Super Hero movies. Nothing quite like it has ever been attempted before, and thankfully this big beast succeeds where it surely could have floundered. Joss Whedon dips his pen into the Marvel U and scrawls the quintessential Avengers campaign. Two mad scientists, a super soldier, a god, and a couple of grunts. Toss them into a floating aircraft carrier and you're going to get a kerfuffle, especially when you've got Loki and his mind gem space stick influencing matters - that's the cliche done right. You've seen these beats before, but never executed so perfectly or with so much reverence to the source material. Is it just fan servicing? Probably. But dammit, I'm the fan here and I'm uncontrollably delighted when Iron Man bounces repulser beams off of Cap's shield or when Banner announces his control of The Hulk. And I absolutely dig the downfall of Tom Hiddleston's Loki. (SPOILERS folks, but why the hell haven't you seen this film already?) He may be the cock of the walk, but in the end he's just a whiney brat taken out by Hawkeye's arrow & the Hulk's smashing rage. A pawn in The Mad Titan's invasion of Earth. Thanos!?!?! What's next, Rocket Raccoon? Oh wait...

Free Comic Book Day:  Woke up too damn early on Saturday morning, but it's that time of year again! FCBD!!!!  Matt & I did our annual Comic Shop crawl through the Northern Virginia area.  First stop was Laughing Ogre (formerly Phoenix Comics & Toys) in Fairfax.  They had a serious line of kids, adults, & hipsters (the bad kind this time) waiting to get inside.  They also put up a three book limit - snagged Marvel's Infinity, 2000 AD's Judge Dredd, & the weak Snyder/Lee Superman Unchained preview.  A couple cosplayers lurked inside: Venom & Scarecrow were buddies, there was a Sharon Carter Agent 13, and Black Widow actually worked the counter.  Next on the crawl was Big Planet Comics in Vienna.  That's my shop.  And they're the best.  They allowed one of each of the Free Comic Book Day selections and I took them up on that promise.  Scored almost everything including Pippi Longstocking, Prince Valiant, and Marble Season.  Why the hell not, right?  Not as much cosplay here - a lone Winter Soldier guarded the entrance.  From there we went to the Laughing Ogre mothership is Sterling - things were dying down, upped their take to five books a customer.  No cosplay.  Then a late lunch break and a final trip out to Gainsville to Comics & Gaming.  They had a massive selection of Free Comics dating back several years.  Grabbed some Bone & Archies.  And, of course, along the way Matt & I made sure to support the local businesses; paying our hard earned cash for books like Jonathan Hickman's The Manhattan Project, Lincoln Washington Free Man, and Scott C's Double Fine Action Comics.  Overall, the Free Comic Book Day selections don't seem as strong as last year's but I have yet to really mull them over.  The free stuff is not really the point anyway.  It's about getting the rest of the world excited about funny books.  Haven't talked to my guys yet, but this year seemed to be a success.  Each store was hopping.  Hopefully some money was flowing their way too.

The Alamo Drafthouse DC:  And how do you perfectly cap off an amazing Free Comic Book Day?  Well, how about Iron Man 3 at the Grand Opening of Washington DC's very own Alamo Drafthouse!?!?!?!?  Hell to the yeah!...Ok...so it really wasn't the Grand Opening, we missed that by one afternoon.  And Alamo Drafthouse DC is actually Alamo Drafthouse Loudon, VA but semantics shmantics.  Nearly five years ago, I visited Austin's original Drafthouse for a screening of Spider-Man 3.  Whatever my opinion of that film I can at least say that they offered an amazing experience filled with specialized programming and delicious & deadly food.  I'm happy to report that The Alamo has been expertly transported to NOVA.  I totally dug the pre-show entertainment filled with classic (& not-so-classic) Iron Man cartoons, a weirdo Ben Kingsley Prada ad, the Don Cheadle Captain Planet Funny or Die video, and Robert Downey Jr's insane hut hut hut hut bark from god know's what movie.  The food was great.  Ordered a Royale w/Cheese & a Mexican Vanilla milkshake.  Rocked my tastebud world.  Sure, it takes a little getting used to all the servers dashing down the aisles, but once you do it's a blast to chow down on your burger while Tony Stark tinkers on screen.  And the No Talking/Texting mantra is seriously appreciated.  The Alamo Drafthouse has a reverence for cinema and its patrons drink the kool-aid.  Frankly, I'm not sure why I would want to see a movie anywhere else at this point.  They're gonna be getting a whole helluva lot of my business going forward.  But what about the flick in question....

Iron Man 3:  "Do you want an empty life?" After The Battle of New York (aka The Avengers), Tony Stark is a mess of stress and anxiety. He's an insomniac; what little sleep he does achieve is plagued with nightmares of wormholes & alien invaders. He spends the rest of his time tinkering in the basement, and alienating his all-too-understanding girlfriend. Shane Black takes the reigns from Jon Favreau and properly progresses the emotional chinks in Stark's armor - Robert Downey Jr is the master of character flaws and he brings the genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist to his logical breaking point in this third and most successful Iron Man entry. Really the only place to go after the apocalypse of The Avengers is inward - it's not go big or go home, it's take a beating and keep on ticking cinema. Stepping out of the silver age, Ben Kingsley's The Mandarin hates America & its fortune cookie lies, but the Marvel team cleverly sheds the yellow peril Fu Man Chu slander and makes room for Guy Pearce's demonic A.I.M CEO. Sam Rockwell's Justin Hammer might have been the funhouse mirror version of Tony Stark, but Pearce's Aldrich Killian is Stark's Anti-Christ. He doesn't quite steal the show from Kingsley's theatrics, but it's a pleasure to hate on Pearce. Iron Man 3 is not The Empire Strikes Back of the franchise. There is some serious brooding to help elevate the turmoil, but Shane Black puts in plenty of his patented banter. Whether he's bouncing off Happy Hogan, Gwyneth Paltrow, a bullied kid, or Don Cheadle, Tony Stark is scoring plenty of classic 80s chuckles. And speaking of Don Cheadle! His rebranded Iron Patriot finally gets some decent screentime, bracing his badass muscles and going back-to-back with Stark at the climax. He's earned a spot in Avengers 2 as far as I'm concerned, and I'm certainly ready for the next phase of Marvel: Thor 2, Cap 2, and the madness of The Guardians.  Bring it.

--Brad