Showing posts with label Battleship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Battleship. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

New Release Tuesday! (8/28/12)


There's very little to get excited about this week, really just a bunch of TV and a few rentals.  And Battleship...so...yeah-whoopdeedoo!  But Boardwalk Empire, that's a seriously entertaining show.  Sure, sure, sure - it's not Deadwood genius, but let that go already.  It should also be noted that Universal is reissuing Vertigo & The Birds on DVD but for some reason, no blu ray.  What the hell?  Especially with Vertigo toppling Citizen Kane off the Sight & Sound list; it sure would be nice to see Jimmy Stewart go off the deep end in 1080p.  Oh well.

BUY!


Boardwalk Empire Season 2:  I missed this show upon its initial run on HBO, but similar to Game of Thrones, when I got the blu rays I whipped through the first season in just two days.  All this talk of "It's Not As Good As Sopranos" is just nonsense.  This is a damn fine show with a damn fine cast and an amazing production crew.  In a career marked with amazing, strange, and memorable performances Steve Buscemi gives his best as the ambitious mini-kingpin of Atlantic City.  And Michael Shannon is sooooooo utterly terrifying as the G-Man determined to take him down.  I know, Shannon is always terrifying but in Boardwalk Empire he's righteously terrifying and his stare is as scary, if not scarier than anything you can find in the horror genre.


Walking Dead Season 2:  I go back and forth on this show.  Some bits of it are absolutely amazing.  But some character choices are also incredibly frustrating.  I can appreciate the departures it takes from the far superior comic book series, but Lori needs to make up her damn mind, shut up, and just die already.  But the Shane/Rick relationship is far more interesting than it ever was in the comic.  And there's a heckuva cool season finale that gets me pumped for the next season.  Plus, the gore.  Nothing nastier on TV.  So yeah, I've got the first season in blu and I will have the second--and if I'm gonna buy it I might as well get the Zombie Head.

RENT!


The Pirates! - Band of Misfits:  Nobody in America saw this flick.  Well, that's not true.  The Wife and I did.  And we enjoyed it quite a bit.  But after the disappointing box office of this, Paranorman, and the recent shutdown of Henry Selick's latest I guess America just doesn't give a crap about stop motion animation anymore.  And that's a damn shame.  I love the Pixar stuff as much as the next guy, but I've always been fascinated with the artistry and the time that gets put into stop motion and Aardman Studios are true masters of the craft.  But technique is not the be-all and end-all of a good movie.  You've got to have a script.  And The Pirates is a damn funny send-up of booty flicks like those Johnny Depp blockbusters as well as lesser known gems like Nate & Hays.  Plus, Darwin...what a prick.


Headhunters:  Norwegian/German production of Jo Nesbo's acclaimed serial killer novel.  This got a lot of love from critics and I'm curious to check it out.  Since Girl With The Dragon Tattoo everyone's gone gaga for Scandinavian terror flicks, but I have yet to be won over by any of them.  Will Headhunters be the one?  Don't know.  But it's at the top of my Netflix queue.


Screaming in High Heels:  Documentary detailing the rise and fall of B Movie actresses Brinke Stevens, Michelle Bauer, and Linnea Quigley.  The trailer for the doc don't amaze me, but neither did the trailers for Machete Maidens Unleashed & American Grindhouse and I enjoyed the hell outta those.  And these actresses and their crappy little direct-to-video flicks were very important to 13 year old Brad.  I'm ready to relive that glorious time of Fred Olen Ray cheapies.



AVOID!


Battleship:  Some sick part of me wants to see this again.  Was it really as boring as I remember it being?  Did Taylor Kitsch actually utter the line "Chicken Burrito Her!"  Liam Neeson was cool, right?  He's awesome in everything, right?  But I can wait another six months before I torture myself with this dull ass summer flick.


--Brad

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Brad's Week In Dork! (5/20/12-5/26/12)


A lighter than usual week for me, there were still a few rather nifty highlights.  Back at the AFI Silver, Matt & I caught Chinatown on the big screen.  Roman Polanski's wannabe noir has always been one of my favorite films and getting the chance to see a living print on Sunday was a real delight.  The only bummer was that the theater was not packed, and they relegated the screening to their smaller theater # 2 while the Avengers of Old British People i.e. The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel played in their main hall.

The other two films I caught on the big screen were Battleship and Men In Black III, but I both film were rather disappointing-which is saying something cuz I wasn't expecting much from either flick.  I mean how could anyone expect anything of quality based on a board game, right?  

And with all the Dark Knight Rises posters and banners popping up on the internet this week I found myself surprisingly purchasing the new Batman - Knightfall omnibus from DC Comics.  It's a beast of a book and it's wonky writing for sure, but it was a fun nostalgic trip back to the goofy 1990s.


MOVIES OF THE WEEK!


Chinatown:  "Well, to tell you the truth, I lied a little." Chinatown is at once a tribute to film noir and a continuation of the genre; Jack Nicholson is a smartass P.I. with a reputation, grabbing cash from the product of infidelity that leads him down the rabbit hole of corporate and government treachery. Faye Dunaway is the damaged goods damsel and John Huston, the smiling chomping dragon. As the plot unravels and the obvious becomes less obvious, Nicholson discovers even further depths of futility that even his hardened gumshoe knew not possible. A painful, brutal tale handled artfully by both Roman Polanski and Robert Towne. Maybe not in my Top Ten films of all time, but it's right there in the Top 20.


Battleship:  Despite some potentially wonderfully terrible lines of dialog like "Chicken Burrito her" and "Mustard done got run over by a garbage truck," Peter Berg's Battleship takes itself way, way, way too seriously and is far too much in love with itself to be any kind of fun. Taylor Kitsch continues his streak of attaching himself to doomed properties and sucks up the screen as a slacker sailor forced into action as light sensitive alien mech suits invade Hawaii for some god forsaken reason. Prepare yourself for loud whirring sounds, sparks, sparks, sparks and crash boom bang boring nonsense. Maybe, just maybe, if the script had a sense of humor or at least a wink to Michael BayAwesomeness than you could chuckle at the ridiculous board game turned multi million dollar blockbuster, but as is, Battleship is just an embarrassment.  And long.  And boring.  Sunk.


Jack's Back:  1988, 100 years after Jack The Ripper terrified the city of London, a series of copycat murders spring forth under the neon lights of Los Angeles. James Spader plays twin brothers caught in the middle of the killings with Robert Picardo's mama's boy police detective hypnotizing his way to the truth. Director Rowdy Herrington would go on to direct the 80s cheeze classic Road House, but Jack's Back is a rather weak rip off of the much superior Robert Bloch short story "Your's Truly, Jack The Ripper." Still, Spader is fun in the duel roles, especially the slimy naughty brother.


The Two Jakes:  Fifteen years after Chinatown, Jack Nicholson returned to the hanky panky world of private detective JJ Gittes and decided to step behind the camera when original director Roman Polanski simply knew better. The neo noir style is gone despite the addition of unnecessary pulpy narration and the flat eye of cinematographer Vilmos Zsigmond. Honestly, The Two Jakes is not a terrible film. It's just no Chinatown. And when your first film was so damn good, you really have to have a fantastic narrative to justify your existence, but try as he might Robert Towne fails to elevate the poisoned past plot.  This sequel is better left forgotten.


Top Gun:  Once a staple of my childhood, Top Gun now seems to slog through its fighter school plot of ass hole pilots trying to out-jackass their fellow students by spiking volleyballs, chewing gum, and causing nearly catastrophic aerial "look at me!" stunts. Tony Scott obviously loves mounting his cameras onto planes and I remember the dog fights looking fairly badass on the big screen, but trapped inside the television, the fight choreography fails to sizzle. And the relationship between Cruise and McGillis is completely lack of romance no matter how much shadowy lovemaking montages they splice together.


Men In Black III:  It's been fifteen years since Will Smith originally got jiggy with the shadowy organization known as the Men In Black and its been ten years since Agents J & K took down the abomination that was Laura Flynn Boyle. And was anyone looking for a third outing? Not me. And for the most part, this sequel feels worn-out and tired, even when it's thankfully not relying on worm aliens or talking pugs. The time travel plot involving Josh Brolin's young Agent K is kinda fun with his dead-on (and dead pan) Tommy Lee Jones impersonation but there's also plenty of missed historical opportunities and flat jokey jokes.  Jemaine Clement does a pretty good Tim Curry as the one armed baddie Boris The Animal and Alice Eve stands around looking pretty. Michael Stuhlbarg steals the show (as usual) as the fifth dimensionally challenged being at the center of the alien murders. Men In Black III is a solid way to kill an afternoon, but I would not shell out for nighttime (and especially not 3D) prices.


COMICS OF THE WEEK!


Batman - Knightfall Volume 1:  The 90s Epic that pit crime lord & wannabe luchador Bane against Bruce Wayne's sick & sniveling Batman. The first volume of Knightfall is a massive tome weighing in just over 600 pages, and only towards the end, after The Bat has been broken and Wayne has awoken from his coma do we get any sense that Bats is any kind of a badass. For most of this story, Wayne is on the verge of collapse. Even before Bane busts all the loonies out of Arkham, he's got the sniffels. Just taking down C List villains like The Ventriloquist and The Mad Hatter is a challenge let alone the main rogues like The Joker or Scarecrow. Honestly, seeing every issue conclude with an exhausted and frowny faced Batman is rather annoying. Especially when the mantel has to be passed to Jean Paul Valley's god crazy Azrael and this new bling bling Batman takes on Bane's underworld with such ease. Bruce Wayne is tougher than this book gives him credit. It tries too hard to justify Bane's reign over Gotham, slighting the character of the billionaire vigilante; transforming the icon into a mental weakling.


Still, it's fun to revisit this media orchestrated event. And there is a glimmer of an interesting creation in Bane, the anti-Batman. I can easily see Christopher Nolan molding this oh-so-90s idea into a brutal brawl for The Dark Knight Rises, and I really hope the final Nolan film takes its climax cues from Knightfall's conclusion. BREAK THE BAT!  And I gotta admit,  I am looking forward to venturing into volume 2 (&3!) of Knightfall. Jean Paul Valley is a serious loon and even if I don't quite understand what Wayne was thinking when he gave the suit over to this nutter, it's fun to see this razor clawed Batman beat the maniacs of Gotham to a bloody pulp.


Batman - The Court of Owls:  Collecting the first seven issues of The New 52 Batman, The Court of Owls doesn't necessarily retcon everything we've come to know about the caped crusader (this is still Bruce Wayne, the revenge?/justice? fueled vigilante, caretaker of three acrobatic wards), but it definitely has some fun with the history of Gotham. A John Doe murder sends Bats through the mirror darkly of historical conspiracy, involving a legendary court of manipulative high society bird brains and their unstoppable Talon assassins. Writer Scott Snyder takes full advantage of former Spawn artist Greg Capullo's slick and violent style, plunging The Batman into the sewers of Wayne's psyche. And his Owls creep me the hell out. I appreciate how this first volume doesn't neatly conclude the plot and even promises further exploration of Gotham's secret history as Batman & company will most definitely face off against an armada of fresh rogues. Man, it's nice to not just have another Joker punch up.


--Brad

Sunday, May 20, 2012

A Fistful of Sailors! (Brad's Picks)


So...it's been three weeks since The Avengers...and the follow up Summer Blockbusters have been Dark Shadows and Battleship...anyone excited about those?  Not me.  I'm somewhat curious about Battleship...it's got Liam Neeson in it afterall, but we know he's gonna bite it fifteen minutes into the flick and John Carter is gonna have to take control....snooze.  Sure, Peter Berg is supposedly the son of a Naval historian and he's gone out of his way to accurately depict these alien war game shenanigans but that's not gonna mean a damn thing once Rihanna sucks up the screen with her tough girl act.  Besides, I still say the best movie Peter Berg has ever been attached to is Shocker--yeah, you heard me!

Sooooooo anyway, below is my list of the five Navy Men who could wipe the floor with Taylor Kitsch.


5.  Casey Ryback (Under Siege):  Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey never had a chance against this former Navy Seal turned Cook and his amazing slap fighting.  And if you're a Playboy playmate trapped inside a cake for four or five hours, you will not be able to resist his bacon greased voice.  Yes, Under Siege is a not-so-subtle rehash of Die Hard, but as far as ripoffs go, it's a whole lotta goofy fun.  And it's one of Steven Segal's best efforts.


4.  Shipwreck (GI Joe: A Real American Hero):  Ok.  So Shipwreck was always one of my least favorite Joes as a kid.  And there rarely seems a need for him to pop up with his parrot and his salty sea metaphors.  But dammit, when Cobra took to the water there was no better man to man the 14"/50 caliber gun.


3.  Lieutenant Coffey (The Abyss):  Man, I was really tempted to pick Michael Biehn's Lt. Curran from Navy Seals but even I have a hard time justifying that wonderful bit of madness.  So I'm gonna go with his psychotic Seal from James Cameron's adventure under the sea.  Whew.  That mustache.  So damn scary.


2.  Buddusky (The Last Detail):  My dad did 20 years in the Navy.  I remember being a kid and asking him what movie portrayed the Navy in a true manner and his response was Hal Ashby's The Last Detail.  I was 14 or 15 when I rented it.  And it blew my mind.  Could my Dad have behaved like this? Could he have been a part of the demented B.S. witnessed in this horror show?  To this day, I find The Last Detail to be an incredibly disturbing film for that reason alone.  But it's been 15 years since I've seen it.  Maybe it's not as troubling as I remember.  And maybe I could understand Jack Nicholson's character a little better.  I don't know...


1.  Quint (Jaws):  Sometimes around here, it seems like it always goes back to JAWS.  But when you're talking badass seamen how can Quint not be at the top of the list?  Having survived the horrors of the war aboard the doomed USS Indianapolis, Quint meets his fate aboard his own vessel hacking at Death with a machete and screaming his hate into the belly of the beast.  Are you going to tell me that the crew of this weekend's Battleship could muster up such a feat?  Doubtful.


--Brad

Friday, December 9, 2011

New Trailer & Poster: Battleship


Still boggles the mind that this movie is happening.  But I guess for every Dork miracle like The Avengers we gotta accept ridiculous nonsense like Peter Berg's Battleship.  The new trailer appears below and it seems to reveal a short lifespan for Liam Neeson (I'm not sure if I should be sad for us or happy that he's not going to be seriously tainted for too long by these proceedings).  But yeah, I'm still gonna see this malarky and that makes me a hypocrite and a horrible fan of cinema.


--Brad