A Fistful of Summer 2014! (Brad's Picks)

May to August, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 to Sin City 2.  Ha! You would not know it from the starting shot or the finish line, but Summer 2014 is going down as one of the better Blockbuster Seasons.  Thank god.  I don't think I could take another drought like last year.  And as you'll see below, this was one of those rare years in which nearly all the films I was anticipating landed in my Top Five.  Financially, fewer butts hit the seats this year, but that didn't stop Guardians of the Galaxy from crossing $500,000,000 worldwide, or that TransFOURmers behemoth from stomping all over Earthly good taste.  Geez.  Rocket Raccoon is a real-deal Hollywood icon!  I can't believe it...can you?  Just a few months ago I was worrying that America wouldn't show up, and we'd be stuck with just Iron Man & Captain America sequels until this whole spandex hype died down.  Looks like that's not going to happen anytime soon.  Bring on Doctor Strange.

However, as great as it is to report the success of the films below, it's a little bit of a bummer to not have a slew of out-of-nowhere surprises.  I enjoyed a batch of mean little dramas amongst the popcorn fare (Locke, The Rover, Snowpiercer), but as fantastic as their lead performances were their narratives lacked a certain punch.  A lot of folks seemed to go nuts for X-Men - Days of Future Past, but as I did with the previous X-Films, I found Bryan Singer's latest to be a mediocre comic book pretender.  Those are just not my X-Men.  Meanwhile, the knives were out for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles & The Expendables 3, but I found them both to be disposable fun.  The Rock dropped a deuce with Hercules, yet nothing will kill the charm of that man.  Next summer, say the word - "SHAZAM!" and I'll be all over that film.

And then there were those Summer bookend sequels, Spider-Man & Sin City.  Damn.  They really were the only films this year that I absolutely loathed.  Similar to my X-Men reaction, Marc Webb's Spider-Man just doesn't work for me.  He's now crafted two films in which Peter Parker is defined by death.  Spidey is not Batman.  I'm not asking for a disco strut comedy for ol' Web Head, but Peter Parker lives & breathes through his sense of humor, and it's important to showcase the thrill that his adventures illicit for the woe-is-me nerd.  Sin City's biggest problem is that it is so brutally dull.  Whatever your thoughts on Frank Miller's source material, generally the complaint is not boredom.  As cool as Robert Rodriguez's green screen tapestry was in 2005, the end result here is not nearly as artful as the comic book graphics, and the drag-and-drop performances are absolutely lifeless.

Both Edge of Tomorrow & 22 Jump Street get the Close-But-No-Cigar Award.  I had an absolute blast with each film, but they dragged on a little too long and suffered during their final moments.  It's popular to hate on Tom Cruise these days, but as one-time fans pretend to distance themselves from the Scientologist, I find myself warming up to the Movie Star.  I'm no apologist, and I won't defend crazy, but the man has never phoned in a performance.  From Knight and Day to Rock of Ages, Cruise throws himself into his roles, and as he delves deeper into genre the resulting movies have been rollicking thrill rides.  Edge of Tomorrow is one of his recent best.  22 Jump Street is simply hilarious.  Channing Tatum & Jonah Hill, a buddy cop team equal to Tango & Cash.  And if Tatum's meet-cute had actually traveled its obvious narrative path, then I could have forgiven the overlong runtime.

5.  Life Itself:  I've watched more documentaries this year then any previous.  A lot of them dealt with the arts (Jodorowsky's Dune, The Dog, To Be Takei) and a couple highlighted social injustice (Dinosaur 13, Let The Fire Burn).  On the surface, Life Itself appears to be a simple talking heads tribute to Chicago Sun Times movie critic Roger Ebert.  Sure, it's that.  Although, thanks to Ebert's allowance of Steve James' ever-present camera, the film also captures the universal experience of a life winding down.  What is it to say goodbye to a loved one?  How do you define your existence?  Life Itself is a celebration of the movies, sure, but it's also a celebration of Love itself.  Roger & Chaz.  Heartbreaking, heartwarming.  I imagine the more you appreciate Ebert's work, the more you'll enjoy the film, but I also think Life Itself offers a lot for the uninitiated.

4.  Godzilla:  Unlike Matt, I did not grow up the Godzilla fanatic.  In college, I watched & appreciated the original film, but that's about it.  However, in preparation for this latest monster-mash, I made it my mission to bone-up on the classics.  I succeeded in watching nearly all of my resolutions, and that certainly had an affect on how much I enjoyed this remake.  Obviously, I friggin' loved it.  You might be one of those frustrated folks that felt there wasn't much of the monster, or that the human characters were one-dimensional...I agree with you.  So?  Bryan Cranston & Aaron Taylor Johnson got the job done.  Would I have enjoyed the movie more if they were complex individuals with arcs involving weepy internal struggles?  Maybe.  But I don't need that in Godzilla.  Broad strokes are perfectly apt in Blockbuster magic.  What I need is dread....devastation...and a bastard brawl between beasts.  Gareth Edwards delivers on that.

3.  Cold In July:  Joe R. Lansdale, one of my favorite novelists finally gets a movie adaptation worthy of his twisted stories (I love Bubba Ho-Tep as much as the next blogger, but that's more about Bruce Campbell's charm than a satisfying script).  Michael C Hall is a weak Texas family man who frantically kills an intruder just minutes after the opening credits.  A violent act that ignites a grotesque plunge down a rabbit hole most viewers will not be equipped to handle.  Faint of heart, need not apply.  Cold In July is a mean-spirited flick full of awful surprises, plus a pair of delightfully grizzled turns from Don Johnson & Sam Shephard.

2.  Guardians of the Galaxy:  Fun.  The end.  You probably won't have more of it this year than you will riding around in The Milano with Star-Lord and his gang of intergalactic losers.  It's been 20 years since we've had a space adventure this genuine.  Fanboys love tossing Star Wars around, and they're not wrong, but Guardians feels more like the Star Wars knock-off film folks like Roger Corman were so desperate to recreate in blunders like Battle Beyond The Stars. But, you know, it's actually AMAZING.  Chris Pratt has all the requirements of a Han Solo character - charisma, a bit of a dick - yet he still manages to get upstaged by a raccoon, a tree, and a professional wrestler.  The film is not without its flaws (big bad Ronan The Accuser lacks threat, the hand-to-hand combat is bland, mean green Gamora is disappointingly upstaged by the raccoon, the tree, the pro wrestler, and the Han Solo), but you're having too much damn fun to harp.  Again, I am pleased as punch that Guardians proved to be such a success, and now we're ready for the rest of Marvel's Cosmic Universe.

1.  Dawn of the Planet of the Apes:  A character centric melodrama disguised as a big expensive Summer Blockbuster.  Similar to Godzilla, I hear your complaints about one-dimensional human characters.  So what?  They're barely in it, and they only serve to punctuate the emotions of the film's real leads - Caesar & Koba, a couple of chimpanzees struggling to lead their families from squaller to civilization.  What the animators, Toby Kebbell, & Andy Serkis have accomplished here is the next stage in performance; the subtlety in their movements packs as much of a wallop as the Apes on Horses machine gun climax.  For this fanboy, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes represents the very best of Have-Your-Cake-And-Eat-It-Too filmmaking, and it is the very best of Summer Entertainment.

--Brad

A Fistful of Summer Anticipation 2014 (Brad's Picks)

So, technically, the Summer Movie Season starts this weekend with the release of Marc Webb's The Amazing Spider-Man 2.  That seems phony baloney to me.  We're already a month into Summer Movies thanks to April's Captain America - The Winter Soldier.  In fact, I don't think this world is ever NOT in the Summer Movie Season.  We've been marching towards this moment since Jaws lined the blocks.  Now, we could all hang are heads and moan at the loss of Big Budget Drama Dramas like Citizen Kane or Kramer vs Kramer.....or we could all just admit to ourselves that we never liked those films in the first place.  I kid!  I kid!  I love Citizen Kane like all self-respecting film freaks should, and I love the little films, the art films, and the serious films as much as I do the spandexed ones.  But I'm a film freak born out of Star Wars, and I will always be a genre boy at heart.  So Jaws gave us B Movies with A Budgets and I've lived my entire life joyfully under its spell.  

2014 has been a lot of fun so far, and as I look at the Summer calendar, I find myself giddy with anticipation.  I feel much better about this year's crop than last; I feel no nagging trepidation in regards to any of the films listed below.  No Star Treks Into Darkness.  No Pacific Rims.  And dear god, hopefully no Prometheuses, as that's a disappointment I'm still kinda in denial over.  Sure, I can't really claim that I'm overjoyed to see the over-stuffed Amazing Spider Man 2 or X-Men Days of Future Past.  In the era of Marvel Studios and the geekgasm of The Avengers, it's hard to take these missed marks coming from Sony & 20th Century Fox.  The Suits, try as they might, don't seem to have an understanding of their characters in the same fashion as Marvel.  I'll be there opening night (got my ASM2 tix already), but the jonzing is simply not there.  Prove me wrong Electro, but I was not impressed by the previous film or any of the 19 millions film trailers you've assaulted the internet with so far.

But I love crap!  And there looks to be a lot of silly movies coming out over the next four months to keep my inner hipster cackling.  The Expendables 3!  THREE!?!?!  How is that possible?  The first two films are so wonderfully dumb, and 99% of my enjoyment is stolen straight from a nostalgia for those beautifully barbarian 80s.  However, that warm fuzzy memory seems poisoned these days.  Dullards like The Last Stand, Bullet To The Head, Escape Plan, and Sabotage have spoiled the childhood sheen a little bit.  Nine years ago, Robert Rodriguez brought Frank Miller's hardboiled terror noir comic Sin City to the masses, and it was a visual feast of unapologetic hedonism.  I have very mixed feelings in regards to that film (Jessica Alba's Nancy as Stripper Goddess?  Uh no), and after a string of DIY disasters I'm not sure I really care for another round.  Transformers Part IV?  Dinobots.  That's cool.  Maybe.  I recently rewatched Michael Bay's autobot behemoths, and I found them culturally fascinating but mostly boring.  Still, the insanity of Pain & Gain is fresh in my noggin and I'll be there for the next wave of Baysplosions.

Crap could turn to gold, or it could just sit there stinking.  Wading through Trans4ormers, Maleficent, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Hercules, etc may leave even the staunchest of Blockbuster Enthusiasts queasy from the sour popcorn dreams.  That's certainly how I felt last September.  This year though, we do have a train of Little Engines That Could hiding under the tentpoles.  I am really excited to see Joe Lansdale's novel Cold in July adapted for the movies; I might not have dropped Michael C Hall into the lead role but Sam Shepherd & Don Johnson are inspired casting.  Filming over the course of 12 years, I am really curious to see how Richard Linklater's Boyhood tackles a coming of age in real time.  Luc Besson promises a return to female ass kickery with Scarlet Johansson and Lucy.  The Weinstein's can't keep a good Korean director down, as Bong Joon-ho's Snowpiercer finally barrels into theaters.  And I am crazy excited to see The Wachowskis tackle John Carter of Mars with Jupiter Ascending.  Don't hate.  These guys are the perfect choice to elevate Flash Gordon family adventure into big dollar mainstream acceptance.  Looks silly?  Sure.  But werewolf Channing Tatum for the win.

And speaking of the adorable genius of Channing Tatum, let's get to this Summer's Big Guns....

5.  22 Jump Street:  Wow.  What a difference a few years can make.  Not too long ago, I had no problem mocking the acting chops of Channing Tatum.  GI Joe - Rise of Cobra...yeash.  But the man kept working.  And he got a whole lot better.  The 21 Jump Street reboot was a serious revelation for me.  Not only did it transform disdain for Tatum into an uncontrollable man-crushing adoration, but it proved directors Phil Lord & Chris Miller to be the saviors of lost causes.  Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs, Jump Street, The Lego Movie.  These guys prove that talent can turn any needless cashgrab into art.  Give them Ghostbusters 3.  Give them Freddy vs Jason vs Ash.  Give them Before Watchmen.  Give them whatever, I will anticipate it.  And I sure as hell will show up for another outing between Jenko & Schmidt.  "Fuck You Science!"

4.  All You Need Is Kill (a.k.a. Edge of Tomorrow):  On paper this sci-fi Groundhog Day has very little appeal.  But then you see Tom Cruise in that mech suit...and then Emily Blunt unsheathes a crazy large Warhammer 40K broadsword, and suddenly I'm jittering in my seat.  It's no secret around here that I have a soft spot for late-in-life Tom Cruise pictures.  Knight & Day, Jack Reacher, Oblivion.  Haters gonna hate, f 'em.  The man does earnest, and that's essential to whacked out worlds like this one.  Doug Liman might not be your go-to action director, but the man loves his wonky high concepts, and I'm hoping he's finally struck gold with this robotech thriller.

3.  Dawn of the Planet of the Apes:  Apes on Horses!  Apes on Horses!  That's it.  Done.  Oh, you want more reasons to see this film?  How about the fact that we're finally getting to the hell of living on the Planet of the Apes.  Rises's origin story wasn't half bad, but James Franco was checked out for most of the film and he was easily upstaged by a computer monkey - er, ape.  Andy Sirkis also happened to deliver the best we've seen yet from mo-cap performance, and I have a feeling he's going to hit Oscar heights with this new & improved rebel leader Cesar.  End of the World stories are fun enough, but the Post-Apocalypse has always been the more interesting tale for me.  The Last Men vs The New Apes.  War.  Yes.  Jason Clarke?  Yeah, forget Franco.  Matt Reaves is a director dying to prove his talents, and Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is going to be the film where the rest of the world sits up and notices.

2.  Godzilla:  I spent several months prepping for Captain America - The Winter Soldier.  And boy did that fanboy fetishizing pay off in a big, big way.  Gareth Edwards's Godzilla remake is the next film to entice me into crazed backlog devouring.  I've always been a big fan of the original film, but I'm a late comer when it comes to Mothra, Rodan, Gigan, and friends.  As I've been picking away at the various rubber suits, I'd love to say that my inner kid has been reawakened...but that kid has never been asleep.  I'm a proud stunted youth, and I spend the majority of my time reveling in the art of cartoons, comics, and movies.  Duh.  But that stomp towards the remake has certainly kept the inner kid satiated.  Not just goofy fun.  There is a thrilling display of imagination in those films.  Ishiro Honda may not have had the budget or even the talent to deliver badass monster movies, but he certainly had the freedom to dream whatever kooky world he wanted.  He never let a reality roadblock get in the way of telling a King Kong story.  Now Edwards, he's got the budget.  And based on Monsters, he's got the talent.  I have high hopes that this Godzilla is going to deliver in a way that no other Monster Movie has.  Bold talk.  Bold hope.  I had a similar dream for Pacific Rim.  I like what I'm seeing from the trailers.  Fingers crossed.

1.  The Guardians of the Galaxy:  Iron Man, Hulk, Captain America, Thor.  You may have thought it was all leading up to The Avengers, but you'd be wrong.  All Marvel Studios has built has been leading to The Guardians of the Galaxy.  They've sold the world on Super Heros.  Now, if we're going to continue down this rabbit hole, we need to branch out into the weirder, wilder stories of the four color realm.  Iron Man 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 9, 11, 14, 20.  How long can that character hold our interest?  If James Bond is any indication, at least 40 years.  But Marvel has a whole helluva lot more characters to offer, and I want more from them than just capes & cowls.  Guardians of the Galaxy looks like it could be an energetic mix of Star Wars knockoffs.  Take the best of Ice Pirates, blend in some Buck Rogers, and a little dash of Krull and you've got what could be a rollicking time out at the movies.  But talking trees?  Rocket Raccoons?  Is the world ready?  I am.  Whatever blood James Gunn squeezes from this stone, I beg of you, please go out and see Guardians opening weekend.  We want more than Captain America Part 15, right?  We want Doctor Strange.  We want Black Panther.  We want another Howard The Duck.

--Brad

A Fistful of Summer Anticipation 2014 (Matt’s Picks)

    This Summer, perhaps more than previous years, finds Brad and I in very, very close agreement on our movie hopes and dreams.  Maybe the order of excitement for movies is a bit different, but essentially, they’re the same.  Godzilla, Guardians, Apes…We’re pretty pumped.  So, Brad’s gonna handle the biggies, the blockbusters, that we're jazzed to check out.  He’s got it covered, and I support him on at least four out of the five.  I’m gonna take a look at some of the movies I’m looking forward to that aren’t being talked about as much.  A sequel to the awesome animated film How to Train Your Dragon?  Gritty ugly nastiness of The Rover?  Or the Rock in…well, whatever he’s got?  Take a look back at lists past here, here, and here.  And then look below for some of  my most anticipated films for Summer 2014.

5.  Snowpiercer:  So, we’re getting the real version of this film, right?  Not the Weinstein “Why do we keep picking up distribution rights for movies we seem dead-set on butchering?” cut?  If that’s the case, and it actually plays somewhere, I’m very interested in this science fiction weirdness.  The cast is crazy and the concept weird.  It’s based on a graphic novel I haven’t read yet (I do have a copy), that looks pretty wild.  I do have concerns because of the director (I know, I know...I just didn't like The Host), but I have hopes, too.  However it turns out, I want to see more movies like this, even if this one isn’t a great entry.

4.  The Immigrant:  Yup.  I’m a sucker for a grand, historic romance.  The English Patient and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon are in my top ten of all time list, after all.  It’s not like there’s ever been a shortage of entries in this genre, but really, really good ones are rare.  Something about the trailer for The Immigrant got to me, made me feel like just maybe, this was going to be one of the very good ones.  So, here’s hoping.

3.  Jupiter Ascending:  Here’s the thing.  I love Bound.  I love The Matrix.  I really, really like the second and third Matrix film (yeah, they’re flawed, and yeah, I’d have taken them in a different direction if I’d been writing them…but I like ‘em).  I love (LOVE!!!) Speed Racer.  And I liked Cloud Atlas a lot (some parts I loved, some parts I enjoyed, and a few parts, I could have done without).  So, now the Wachowskis are back with a full blown, bugnuts crazy science fiction spectacle, and I’m all kinds of psyched to see it.  Maybe, just maybe, we are heading into the science fiction film renaissance I was ranting about a few years ago.  Sure, a lot of the sci-fi films of late have been lackluster (Avatar, Prometheus, Star Trek Into Darkness, etc.).  But a lot have been pretty good to great, too (Looper, Moon, Europa Report, etc.).  And if they make a lot, the chance for good ones will get better and better.  I’m iffy on the cast, and I don’t like that at least part of it takes place on contemporary Earth.  However, I’m happy as a pig in poop to see Wachowskis Unleashed.

2.  Tracks:  Since I was a lad, Australia has held a mysterious awe for me.  Perhaps, like Lawrence, I find the desert to be…clean.  I’ve been fascinated by its places and people.  I’ve imagined trips across it, I’ve imagined living there.  For years, every story I tried to write was set there, and I read everything I could about it.  To this day, there is something special, a place in the back of my mind, connected with this land I've never visited.  Whatever the case, its stark beauty, mixed with an adventure story (based on the real life adventure of Robyn Davidson) are key ingredients for what I hope to be a feast.  Jeremiah Johnson meets Walkabout?  I hope so.

1. (Edit: as of May 18, this film has been rated PG-13, and it slips from my #1 spot to my "I don't give a crap" spot.  I no longer have any interest in seeing this film.)  The Expendables 3:  You got a problem with that?

-Matthew J. Constantine

Transformers - Age of Extinction

One Summer down, time to start preparing for the next one.  I wouldn't go so far as to call myself a Transformers apologist (I don't really believe in Guilty Pleasures - Own Your Love!), but as much as I recognize the problems of the Michael Bay trilogy, I really just get giddy watching all the overwrought CG catastrophe.  And I hear this next one has Dinobots.  DINOBOTS!!!!!!!  Yes!  And the trade of Shia LaBeouf for Mark Wahlberg is decent - sure, The Rock would have been better but Dwayne can't save every franchise.

--Brad

A Fistful of Summer 2013! (Brad's Picks)

That's it folks.  Summer's over.  Back to school.  So what grade do we give 2013's Blockbuster Season?  I'm thinking a big, dud of a C.  As always, when April pushed into May, my heart was filled with joyous anticipation for the titanic tent poles Hollywood was churning down their production line.  I like all kinds of films, from the smallest micro budgets to the embarrassingly corpulent Baytrocities.  I vote YES on Proposition Transformers 4!  And with 2013 offering Iron Man 3, Star Trek Into Darkness, Fast & Furious 6, Pacific Rim, The Lone Ranger, Man of Steel, and The Wolverine my fanboy hard-on was throbbing with an intensity not felt since...well, last Summer when The Avengers & The Dark Knight Rises ruled my soul.  And frankly the films leading into these Blockbusters only ranged from the "Ok" to the "Pretty good."  I needed a great crop of Extravaganza to feel solid about this cinema year.  Oh well.  Of the bloated behemoths listed above, only one movie makes my Fistful of Summer list.  They weren't all bad - heck, some were pretty good - but, nearly every flick this year has left that bitter taste of disappointment on my tongue.  None more vile than...

Star Trek Into Darkness.  It's been nearly three months since my last viewing, and JJ Abrams's So-Damn-Dumb sequel still manages to enrage this Trekkie.  And that's just annoying.  I hate being that asshole.  Rereading my angry, incoherent review of the film all I can do is shake my head at the fanboy cliche Into Darkness brought out of me.  I'm actually looking forward to rewatching the film so that maybe, just maybe, I can find something positive to say about that mess.  Is it truly the worst Star Trek film as voted by Trekkies?  I don't know about that...Star Trek Nemesis has to be the nadir of the franchise, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone in the disappointment.   Does it's lackluster display at the box office mean the end of this lens-flared crew?  Probably not, but I smell new director and budget cuts in the Enterprise's future.  And that's a good thing.

I think the biggest shock this summer was how much I enjoyed The Lone Ranger.  *crickets*  Have I lost you?  Did you immediately click away at the very idea of a positive word thrown Jerry Bruckheimer's way?  Of course not, you're still reading just to see what insanely idiotic thing I'll type next.  After all, how could I possibly hate so hard on Star Trek Into Darkness when I had so much damn fun watching The Lone Ranger?  I don't have a good answer for you.  The Lone Ranger is an absolute train wreck, but I found myself riotously laughing as men had their hearts eaten from their chests, and bandits squealed in joy at the possibility of duck foot rape.  What the hell was Disney thinking with this one?  It's a horror show, but it's also so damn weird that I found it utterly compelling. If you want to read more of my absurd Lone Ranger praise than click on over to my Daily Grindhouse review.  If it wasn't for this past weekend, The Lone Ranger would have certainly made this Fistful of Summer.

Finally, before we get to the Top 5, I just wanted to reiterate how the Blockbuster failed to excite this year.  Again, I enjoyed Pacific Rim, Elysium, Furious 6, & Man of Steel to a degree, but all fell short of their source material.  Cinema is failing too often to reach beyond simple nostalgia, and that's worrisome.  There are going to be fewer and fewer billion dollar returns like The Avengers.  The bubble will burst.  Wishful thinking?  Summer 2015 will bring us Star Wars - Episode VII, Avengers 2, Batman vs Superman, James Bond 24, Pirates of the Caribbean 5, Jurassic Park 4, Independence Day 2, Warcraft, Assassins Creed, The Fantastic Four reboot, and a new Terminator.  Will the world show up, or are there gonna be a lot of unhappy suits in Hollywood?  I sense some duds, or at least a batch of films that cost too much and make too little.  Or maybe that's all bullshit.  Maybe, after 34 years, I'm just finally hitting blockbuster fatigue.  

I certainly needed more protein in my diet, and this year I made more of an effort to hit the art theaters for those hipster, indie darlings.  Richard Linklater's Before Midnight, Woody Allen's Blue Jasmine, Joss Whedon's Much Ado About Nothing, Jim Rash & Nat Faxon's The Way Way Back, Quentin Dupieux's Wrong, and a slew of VOD offerings gave some much needed respite from the Summer drought.  Still, I'm not an art house goon, and none of these tiny pictures could quite crack my Top 5.  So, shall we get on with it - 

5.  You're Next:  Possibly one of the most twisting cinematic experiences I had this year.  I just watched it this past Tuesday in a completely empty movie theater, and it took me from an exhausted seen-it-all horror aficionado to a hand clapping, seat jumping, school boy.  You're Next has been languishing on the Lionsgate shelf for a couple of years now, and I was sick of hearing about it six months ago.  Not to mention that the marketing for the film makes You're Next look like just another home invasion flick a la The Strangers or Funny Games.  And for the first twenty minutes, it's just that.  The Animals creep along the woods, the kills are fairly ordinary...then Sharni Vinson gets her hands on a meat tenderizer.  You're Next shifts a bit; the plot opens up, and suddenly the film is a whole lotta fun.  This is not some brooding slasher, it's a very 80s, kick-ass chick movie.  Not too many of those around anymore, and I can't help but feel that You're Next gets everything right that the Evil Dead remake gets wrong.

4.  Iron Man 3:  The First Mega Movie of the Summer is also the only Blockbuster to land on my top five.  Forget Avengers - Age of Ultron, Iron Man 3 is the real sequel to last year's Marvel Masterpiece, and even if it doesn't quite reach the heights of that Super Group, director Shane Black still delivers the finest entry in Shellhead's trilogy.  The intergalactic destruction brought down on New York City had lasting effects on Tony Stark; his panic attacks deliver a level of humanity to the character in the same fashion his alcoholism did in the comic books (we'll just have to settle on this PG-13, family friendly affliction).  Black manages to bring his wit & banter with him, a mean feat not yet accomplished by any of the Marvel Studios henchmen.  It's not Lethal Weapon, but there is enough of that flavor to invigorate the franchise.  Ben Kingsley's The Mandarin also happens to be the most surprisingly entertaining villain of the Super Hero genre, even if Guy Pearce's wronged scientist is a bit of a dullard and the film's revelations leave ignorant geeks to rage on the message boards.  Marvel continues to build its universe, and I'm still giddy for more.  Thor, Cap, The Guardians of the Galaxy - I'm all in.

3.  This Is The End:  The first film this year that left me 100% satisfied was this silly, stoner deconstruction of celebrity.  "Deconstruction."  That's probably giving the film too much credit.  This Is The End is just too damn funny to ignore.  Seth Rogen & Jay Baruchel play themselves, a couple of dimwits who use their good fortune to gorge upon Carl's Jr, video games & pot.  When Rogen drags Baruchel to James Franco's party the sky opens up and Revelation hits - the good get zapped up to heaven, and the bad are left behind to battle demon dogs as well as each other.  This film is bananas.  The entire cast has a blast destroying their personas; Danny McBride is exceptionally reprehensible, taking to the new rules of Thunderdome like a cannibal duck to water.  This Is The End is dumb, gross, and ignorant.  And I loved every second of it.

2.  The World's End:  And now for something completely different.  Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, & Nick Frost reteam to take on the Apocalypse but from a very British perspective.  The World's End still has plenty of silly, but whereas This Is The End often succeeds with stupidity, Wright's screenplay wins on childish wit.  There is a difference, a small one maybe, but it's enough to push one film over the other.  Several themes and in-jokes are carried throughout the Cornetto Trilogy, but the key ingredient has to be plutonic love.  I might still prefer both Shaun of the Dead & Hot Fuzz, but after a second viewing I think The World's End displays the strongest on-screen friendship yet.  It's a broken relationship, five friends that drifted apart years ago, but when Simon Pegg reaches a breaking point, the draw of his high school memory pulls the more successful chums back together.  A high school reunion involving an epic pub crawl through their home town.  Of course, as movies have taught us over and over, you can't go home again.  Especially when the body snatchers have set up shop.

1.  Only God Forgives:  Before the Summer started I postulated that at year's end this film was going to land on top, and as I write this, I seriously doubt any other film of 2013 will topple this beast from super stylist Nicholas Winding Refn.  Self-fullfilling prophecy?  Naw.  Refn just makes the slick & awful kind of films I love.  But don't confuse this Shakespearean battle between Heaven & Hell as another Drive.  Those looking for a recreation of 2011's cool zen Michael Mann'er will be sorely disappointed.  Only God Forgives is a deeply painful exploration of self-hate mixed with heavy handed gobs of MacBeth & Oedipus Rex that nearly ruptures from symbolism overload.  It's easy to see why some dared to Boo at the Cannes Film Festival, or why those craving more dreamy Ryan Gosling would reel back in disgust. Thai Boxing, Karaoke, Uzis, Samurai Swords.  A lot of nifty elements can be found within the frame, but the film is more concerned with terrible redemption than video game versus combat.  Certainly not for everybody, but Only God Forgives left this viewer completely satiated in a Summer season doused in mediocrity.

--Brad

A Fistful of Summer Anticipation 2013! (Brad's Picks)

April is coming to a close and another big, flashy Marvel movie is on the horizon.  You know what that means?  Summer is here!  And frankly, it's been a long dull build to the popcorn season.  I've seen 31 new movies this year, and the best I can say is that most of them have been "pretty good."  But the idea that my favorite film of the year so far is Steven Soderbergh's Side Effects is utterly baffling.  Don't get me wrong, I love that movie, but at least 2012 had The Grey, The Raid, Cabin in the Woods, & 21 Jump Street by this point.  I'm starting to get a little nervous that 2013 is shaping up to be an even more lackluster year in cinema.  But before I jump on board the boo-hoo-choo-choo, I gotta state that I'm pretty damn excited for the upcoming offerings.  My brain is in a happy place as far as movies are concerned.  Maybe it's the Martin Scorsese-a-thon I'm currently at the start of, or my dip into the well of Roger Ebert's The Great Movies, or my recent feast on the Django Unchained blu ray - whatever it is, I am craving the big budget entertainment storming towards us.

Yes!  Even the undoubtable garbage brewing from the depths of Hollywood.  I am excited for White House Down - now, not to the point where it's going to make my Top 5 list, but I just want to demonstrate the headspace my brain is currently occupying.  Roland Emmerich has made another movie.  The man who brought us the abominations of Matthew Broderick's Godzilla and the cgi snooze of 10,000 BC has partnered Channing Tatum's buff Secret Agent Man with Jaime Foxx's brainy POTUS.  That Django & Jenko buddy cop combo is incredibly appealing and I'm genuinely enthused to see those two PG-13ing the hell outta the Flag Burning Scum invading my home town.  I expect much tearful violence as monuments fall and terrorists get shot.

So if I'm even a little excited for White House Down, than I am absolutely climbing the walls for Zach Snyder's Man of Steel.  I can't say that I'm the biggest Superman fan -  I enjoyed the first two Christopher Reeve flicks like the rest of the universe, and I even enjoyed Bryan Singer's pornographically nostalgic take on the character.  But despite a few trips into the comic books (no one my age missed The Death of Superman, I enjoyed Jeph Loeb & Tim Sales' Superman For All Seasons, & I certainly adore Grant Morriosn & Frank Quietly's All Star Superman) I really know nothing about the character.  As IGN's Keeping It Reel revealed, he's Jesus Christ With Super Powers (and a cape).  Flys around.  Saves people.  Punches aliens in the face.  So give me that.  Less pining for humanity, and more punch 'em ups.  Zach Snyder is the perfect guy for the job.  I've enjoyed all of his films (with the exception of the painfully dull Sucker Punch) and I think he's going to deliver the action film this character so desperately needs right now.

Yet, Man of Steel does not make the cut.  There are still dozens of movies I want to see more this summer than Kal-El's big screen return.  We've got Fast & Furious 6 promising even more mind boggling stunts than the previous mondo gonzo Fast Five.  The music video orgy of Baz Luhrmann's The Great Gatsby.  The CGI tumbling of Brad Pitt's doomed World War Z adaptation.  The World's End reteams the comic geniuses of Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, & Nick Frost for what should be the best Apocalypse on screen this summer even if James Franco & pals are determined to yuck it up with This Is The End.  And then we have The Lone Ranger.  A film I want so desperately to be entertaining, but everything I'm seeing from the trailers tells me other wise.  I want big Cowboy Westerns to attract audiences.  I want that genre to reign supreme again.  Gore Virbinski & Johnny Depp certainly seem to want the same thing, but is this more goof than cool?  I'm thinking so.  And I'm afraid it's gonna John Carter all over the box office.

So, those are the films I'm stoked for, but what are the films I'm wetting myself in uncontainable joy to see?  Drumroll please....

5.  Iron Man 3:  I enjoy the first two Iron Man films just fine.  The first flick is a solid comic book origin story that succeeds solely on the undeniably charming performance of Robert Downey Jr.  The second film buckles a bit under the weight of the world building conducted by Marvel Studios, but there is more good than bad.  But there are at least two reasons why Iron Man 3 hits my Anticipation List over the previous flicks mentioned.  1) It's the first sequel to Joss Whedon's The Avengers aka my 2nd favorite film of last year.  That flick threw down the gauntlet.  All other super hero films are going to be judged by the Comic Book bliss elicited from the Cap/Iron Man/Thor/Hulk team-up.   Where can you possibly go with a solo picture?  2) Shane Black at the helm.  Jon Favreau is a good director.  He deserves all the props given to him for the establishment of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.  But Shane Black has a deeply dark wit in his pen (Lethal Weapon, The Last Boy Scout) and his directorial debut (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang) proved that he knows the secret to Robert Downey's success and he's a visual stylist to boot.  Next Friday can't get here soon enough.

4.  Elysium:  Neil Blomkamp's District 9 is one of my favorite films of the last ten years.  That alone would put his follow-up on the list.  The fact that we're getting another socially conscious science-fiction film in which horrible violence gets bestowed upon Matt Damon's exoskeleton by Cyborg Samurai Sharlto Copley makes is just icing on the cake.  From everything I've heard the little we've seen in the first trailer just scratches the surface of the screenplay, and I'm going to do my darndest not to have much more spoiled.  And, yeah, William Fichtner also co-stars.  Hells to the yeah.

3.  Star Trek Into Darkness:  There is a lot of dread mixed into the anticipation with this one.  But that's no different than when JJ Abrams' 2009 sequel hit.  Do I want another Kirk vs. Bad Guy movie?  Not really.  Especially if it's a Khan spin-off/knock-off.  I'm with Matt.  I'd like more exploration in my Trek.  But the last trailer for Into Darkness struck me hard.  Bruce Greenwood: "I believe in you, Jim" & Kirk turning to crew "I'm sorry."  That hit a chord.  The big mysterious Federation ship.  Interesting. Peter Weller's jackass admiral.  Ok.  Klingons with crazy helmets.  Yeah, I can dig it.  As long as they get the relationships right amongst the Enterprise's crew, I'll be perfectly happy with another action Star Trek with a massive budget.  But I'm also hoping I'll be more than "happy."  Again, the 2009 Star Trek really did pluck all the right Trekkie heartstrings and I'm hopeful Into Darkness will do the same thing.

2.  Pacific Rim:  It has been nearly five years since Guillermo Del Toro directed a movie, and that was Hellboy II - one of the most disappointing experiences I've had in a theater.  But whatever unfortunate adaptation choices that film suffered under, I can at least say that The Golden Army looked beautiful and is one of the finest examples of blending between practical & digital effects.  And if you take that film out of Del Toro's cannon (& chunks of Mimic), than I've thoroughly enjoyed everything the man touches - yes, even & maybe especially, Secondhand Lions (he has a Special Thanks credit).  What footage I saw at last year's Comic Con immediately restored my faith in Del Toro, but I also don't want my enthusiasm to run away from me - after all, Prometheus looked abso-lutely-freaking-amazing at Hall H in 2011.  Still, Giant Robots vs. Hulking Kaiju!!!!!!!  Yes!!!!!!!!  At the very least it's gotta be better than Robot Jox and I love that crap film.

1.  Only God Forgives:  Just watch the trailer.  Thai Boxing.  Sword Wielding Gangsters.  Karaoke.  Uzi Drive-Bys.  Chopstick Impalements.  Kristen Scott Thomas Terminator.  And Ryan Gosling's Clenched Fists.  I might not have realized it a few months ago, but Only God Forgives contains everything I've ever wanted to see on screen.  Gosling & director Nicholas Winding Refn understand my base desires and they deliver them with slick, cold, style.  My prediction is that this film ranks of my absolute favorites come Awards time, and I would not be surprised if this ends up my favorite film of 2013.

--Brad