Brad's Week In Dork! (8/31/14-9/6/14)

I'm pretty much all recovered from my Wisdom Tooth surgery.  A little jaw tension, a slight ache.  Saw the doc on Friday, and he told me I didn't have to worry about the other one until next year...unless infection or pain flares up.  Fingers crossed.  Sooooo - good news!  I guess.  This week was a whole heap of random.  On Sunday & Monday, I was pretty much still feeling the aftershocks from the surgery so I  just hopped from one film to the next on VOD, enjoying life from the couch.  No rhyme or reason, just what looked interesting in the moment.  It did lead me down a rabbit whole of Errrol Morris documentaries that I was not expecting.  Enjoyed all three, and will definitely seek out others.  I dragged myself out of the apartment on Tuesday, for an Alamo 100 screening of Singin' in the Rain & I went back for more with JAWS on Thursday.  As Matt said in his Week in Dork, nothing like seeing a classic on the big screen to make you fully appreciate the craft of storytelling.  Still, the big event of the week was the Baltimore Comic Con.  It might not have the big deal celebrities like San Diego or the endless array of Wizard Worlds, but if you're actually into comics there is no better place to be.  Great way to finish off the week.

Fading Gigolo:  Who doesn't love John Turturro?  From Barton Fink to Transformers, whenever the man is on screen I'm entertained.  His directorial efforts have left me a little cold, but they're always interesting in their subject matter.  Fading Gigolo is no different.  After his psychiatrist says too much, Woody Allen encourages Turturro to whore himself out for a three way.  Business booms from there, and Turturro's florist quickly finds himself knee deep in.....money.  Of course, simple sex is never simple.  The subplot of a jewish widow suffering crippling grief takes over the film, distracting from the cartoonish antics of Sharon Stone & Sofia Vergara's sexual predators.  Solid performances from Turturro, Allen, and Liev Schreiber, but Fading Gigolo is ultimately the kind of film you watch once.

Cuban Fury:  When I see Nick Frost why do I always ask, "Where's Simon Pegg?" but the same is not true when it's just Pegg on screen?  Nick Frost is certainly talented.  The man makes me laugh, but he always seems like half a double act.  Maybe it's simply that Frost is not always part of the cleverest of projects.  Cuban Fury is decent.  The story of a onetime salsa prodigy returning to the sport in an effort to win true love is chuckle-worthy and cute.  It's not ground breaking.  Chris O'Dowd being regulated to office douche bag is certainly disappointing.  Ian McShane as the salsa coach gets some laughs, but the film could have done more with him (a complaint often associated with McShane movies - ALWAYS MORE MCSHANE!!).  You could do worse than Cuban Fury, but it's no Edgar Wright film....a very tough, and probably cruel comparison.  Still.

Rage:  "Who did it?  WHO DID IT!?!!  WHODIDITWHODIDITWHODIDIT WHODIDITGWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  Oh Nicolas Cage, you so crazy.  Except you really aren't these days.  The above quote is a five second scream almost worthy of yesteryear.  Almost.  I'm not going to use this space to continue the narrative of Nic Cage's disappointing direct-to-dvd downfall, but I don't mind lamenting for a bit.  Season of a Witch, I miss you - never mind Con Air, The Rock, and Adaptation.  Rage could have been a kickass revenger in which Cage brutalizes the bastards responsible for his daughter's murder.  Unfortunately, the film is a boring collection of scenes pretending to be hardcore.  Embarrassingly dull.  Can the upcoming Left Behind prove a return to that mega-acting glory?  I'm always the optimist.

The Thin Blue Line:  In 1976, Randall Adams was convicted and sentenced to death for the shooting death of patrolman Robert Wood.  Errol Morris' documentary, through dramatic reenactments and various interviews with the people surrounding the trial, makes a strong, and ultimately convincing case for Adams' innocence.  How did Adams end up behind bars?  Bad timing?  Poor decisions?  The terrifying morality behind the Texas judicial system?  Yeah, that last one.  The Paradise Lost of its day, thanks to The Thin Blue Line Adams was eventually released from prison.  Should be required viewing for all Americans.

Singin' In The Rain:  I've watched the film twice now, and I still agree with my Cinematic Resolution assessment, it's absolutely a "joyous outpouring" of cinema.  Gene Kelly is a tap dancing man's man - something I didn't even know was possible until I saw Singin' In The Rain.  Jean Hagen's blonde dimwit is a tad too obvious at times, and I never quite understood her romantic roadblock.  But, thankfully, the love triangle is not the showpiece, as Singin in the Rain is rather a rollicking tour through Hollywood's early history.  Like The Artist, Gene Kelly is not willing to let modernity roll him over, and thanks to a little nudging from partners Debbie Reynolds & Donald O'Connor, he invents a new style of storytelling.  I'd probably rank Singin' in the Rain as my third favorite musical, right behind The Blues Brothers & West Side Story.  Hard to beat a Mission from God & Shakespeare.

Tabloid:  Another Eroll Morris doc, but maybe not such the essential viewing for the American populace.  Let's see if I can give the content it's proper justice - In 1977, beauty queen Joyce McKinney was arrested in England for kidnapping Mormon Missionary Kirk Anderson & holding him prisoner in a Devon cottage where she chained him to a bed & forced intercourse.  They had been a one-time couple, and McKinney claimed that the Mormon Church had brainwashed her beloved.  Once the tabloid papers got their claws into the story, they uncovered that McKinney was a former S&M model, sometimes prostitute, who often used her sexual wiles to conquer the minds of men.  Or is McKinney a simple victim of love gone sour?  Also, what does this have to do with dog cloning???  It's a damn strange story, and who knows what really went down in '77, but Morris details a fascinating story.  These days McKinney regrets taking part in the documentary, saying that Morris misrepresented her side of the story, but it's hard to argue with the words coming out of her mouth.  Tabloid is bonkers all around.

The Unknown Known:  Who knows why, but for some reason Donald Rumsfeld agreed to be interrogated by Errol Morris.  I certainly see what Morris had to gain, but what did Rumsfeld?  That question is never really answered.  Well, the former Secretary of Defense certainly doesn't take a beating?  He can dish it better than he can take it.  And Morris does not come across as the Liberal Shining Knight.  I'm not a terribly political person.  The game has never interested me - disturbed me, scared me more like it.  The Unknown Known picks over some of the most disturbing history in modern America, filtered through Rumsfeld's participation.  He defends in some cases.  He questions in others.  He sometimes shrugs when the words are simply not there.  How will the Bush Jr administration go down in history's annals?  Time will tell - The Unknown Known is not the revelation some will want.

JAWS:  I love this film.  Sometimes it's hard to keep talking about the films you love.  How many ways can I say that Steven Speilberg's Jaws is one of The Great Films?  This is the second time I've seen the film on the big screen.  It's a whole different experience when Bruce stretches his 25 feet across the entire width of your vision.  It's genuinely AWEsome.  I've seen the film a hundred times, and you'd think there would be nothing new to see.  This go-around, instead of focusing on the genius of Robert Shaw's shark killer, I attached myself to Roy Scheider in a way that's never happened before.  The scene where his son mimics his movements around the dinner table - "Give me a kiss." "Why?" "Cuz I need it."  Just crushing.  I'm an emotional guy, I cry all the time at the movies, but this was the first time I teared up during Jaws.  I cherish the way Chief Brody can never finish a meal, that fear bubbling in his stomach.  And the way Brody pushes through that fear, eventually delivering him to that ship's mast, a rifle in his hand, and a final quip on his lips - "Smile you son of a bitch."  This film spawned forth an infinite spew of knockoffs, but what the wannabes never understood was that Jaws is not about the big beastie.  Jaws is all about character.  How these three very disparate men come together to tackle their own demons.  Brody, the failed New York cop fighting through fear to protect family & home.  Hooper, the rich kid oceanographer making a name for himself through a passion for fish.Quint, the emotionally wrecked sailor, killing sharks as revenge for all those sailors lost at sea.  I love Orca as much as the next guy, but it's just not Jaws.

Wayne's World:  Man, I used to love this movie so much.  I might not have watched it as much as Jaws, but I've seen it a few dozen times or so.  But I have not bothered with Wayne & Garth in several years.  Just one of those movies that floated out to sea.  Friday afternoon, I played a little game of Netflix Roulette & suddenly I was "Party On."  It's a cute film, but it's also completely rooted in my teen years.  I can't disassociate it from my teenager brain, nostalgia lost.  Rob Lowe, there's no better sleaze.

Double Indemnity:  "I'm rotten to the heart."  When most hear Film Noir most think Double Indemnity. With good reason.  It's a hateful bastard of a film.  Fred MacMurray is an insurance investigator who falls for Barbara Stanwyck's Femme Fatale, and agrees to bump off her husband in exchange for sex & money.  The guy's a dope.  The dame's a demon.  They deserve each other.  Billy Wilder is much beloved in Hollywood; he made every kind of movie, but his best were the ugly ones.  Double Indemnity & Ace in the Hole sizzle with mean, cold, rage fueled dialog.  Immoral men and women damning themselves with every word.  I love it.  If I took any issue with Double Indemnity it's that Barbara Stanwyck has never worked for me as a Fatale.  I've never understood her allure, how she pulled MacMurray's dope into her web?  Switch her out with Gloria Graham or Veronica Lake, and I get it, but Stanwyck is an off-putting creature.  The film though, is delightfully nasty.

Baltimore Comic Con:  There were not a lot of new faces in the crowd of Comic Book creators this year.  Sure, they're were some big guns (Greg Capullo, Francesco Francavilla, Eric Powell, Jim Starlin, etc), but they're regulars at this point and there was no need to wait in any lines.  I spent the majority of Saturday snapping photos of cosplayers and diving deep into the dealer's room.  I brought less money this year than I've ever had before, but thanks to $5 Trades, 50% off tables, and dealers willing to haggle, I walked away with more comics than any previous Balticon.  My favorite get was the X-Statix Omnibus which retailed for $125, but I scooped it up for $49.  I also grabbed volume 1 of Matt Fraction's Invincible Iron Man, Superman - Secret Origin, Walt Simonson's Thor, a few Shazam classics, and a treasure edition of Jack Kirby's 2001 A Space Odyssey.  Comics, man.  That's what it's all about.  Time & money deemed only one day for Baltimore this year, but I had as much fun as I've ever had.  Still, it would have been nice to sit in on some panels.  Next year, next year.

--Brad

A Fistful of Summer 2013! (Brad's Picks)

That's it folks.  Summer's over.  Back to school.  So what grade do we give 2013's Blockbuster Season?  I'm thinking a big, dud of a C.  As always, when April pushed into May, my heart was filled with joyous anticipation for the titanic tent poles Hollywood was churning down their production line.  I like all kinds of films, from the smallest micro budgets to the embarrassingly corpulent Baytrocities.  I vote YES on Proposition Transformers 4!  And with 2013 offering Iron Man 3, Star Trek Into Darkness, Fast & Furious 6, Pacific Rim, The Lone Ranger, Man of Steel, and The Wolverine my fanboy hard-on was throbbing with an intensity not felt since...well, last Summer when The Avengers & The Dark Knight Rises ruled my soul.  And frankly the films leading into these Blockbusters only ranged from the "Ok" to the "Pretty good."  I needed a great crop of Extravaganza to feel solid about this cinema year.  Oh well.  Of the bloated behemoths listed above, only one movie makes my Fistful of Summer list.  They weren't all bad - heck, some were pretty good - but, nearly every flick this year has left that bitter taste of disappointment on my tongue.  None more vile than...

Star Trek Into Darkness.  It's been nearly three months since my last viewing, and JJ Abrams's So-Damn-Dumb sequel still manages to enrage this Trekkie.  And that's just annoying.  I hate being that asshole.  Rereading my angry, incoherent review of the film all I can do is shake my head at the fanboy cliche Into Darkness brought out of me.  I'm actually looking forward to rewatching the film so that maybe, just maybe, I can find something positive to say about that mess.  Is it truly the worst Star Trek film as voted by Trekkies?  I don't know about that...Star Trek Nemesis has to be the nadir of the franchise, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone in the disappointment.   Does it's lackluster display at the box office mean the end of this lens-flared crew?  Probably not, but I smell new director and budget cuts in the Enterprise's future.  And that's a good thing.

I think the biggest shock this summer was how much I enjoyed The Lone Ranger.  *crickets*  Have I lost you?  Did you immediately click away at the very idea of a positive word thrown Jerry Bruckheimer's way?  Of course not, you're still reading just to see what insanely idiotic thing I'll type next.  After all, how could I possibly hate so hard on Star Trek Into Darkness when I had so much damn fun watching The Lone Ranger?  I don't have a good answer for you.  The Lone Ranger is an absolute train wreck, but I found myself riotously laughing as men had their hearts eaten from their chests, and bandits squealed in joy at the possibility of duck foot rape.  What the hell was Disney thinking with this one?  It's a horror show, but it's also so damn weird that I found it utterly compelling. If you want to read more of my absurd Lone Ranger praise than click on over to my Daily Grindhouse review.  If it wasn't for this past weekend, The Lone Ranger would have certainly made this Fistful of Summer.

Finally, before we get to the Top 5, I just wanted to reiterate how the Blockbuster failed to excite this year.  Again, I enjoyed Pacific Rim, Elysium, Furious 6, & Man of Steel to a degree, but all fell short of their source material.  Cinema is failing too often to reach beyond simple nostalgia, and that's worrisome.  There are going to be fewer and fewer billion dollar returns like The Avengers.  The bubble will burst.  Wishful thinking?  Summer 2015 will bring us Star Wars - Episode VII, Avengers 2, Batman vs Superman, James Bond 24, Pirates of the Caribbean 5, Jurassic Park 4, Independence Day 2, Warcraft, Assassins Creed, The Fantastic Four reboot, and a new Terminator.  Will the world show up, or are there gonna be a lot of unhappy suits in Hollywood?  I sense some duds, or at least a batch of films that cost too much and make too little.  Or maybe that's all bullshit.  Maybe, after 34 years, I'm just finally hitting blockbuster fatigue.  

I certainly needed more protein in my diet, and this year I made more of an effort to hit the art theaters for those hipster, indie darlings.  Richard Linklater's Before Midnight, Woody Allen's Blue Jasmine, Joss Whedon's Much Ado About Nothing, Jim Rash & Nat Faxon's The Way Way Back, Quentin Dupieux's Wrong, and a slew of VOD offerings gave some much needed respite from the Summer drought.  Still, I'm not an art house goon, and none of these tiny pictures could quite crack my Top 5.  So, shall we get on with it - 

5.  You're Next:  Possibly one of the most twisting cinematic experiences I had this year.  I just watched it this past Tuesday in a completely empty movie theater, and it took me from an exhausted seen-it-all horror aficionado to a hand clapping, seat jumping, school boy.  You're Next has been languishing on the Lionsgate shelf for a couple of years now, and I was sick of hearing about it six months ago.  Not to mention that the marketing for the film makes You're Next look like just another home invasion flick a la The Strangers or Funny Games.  And for the first twenty minutes, it's just that.  The Animals creep along the woods, the kills are fairly ordinary...then Sharni Vinson gets her hands on a meat tenderizer.  You're Next shifts a bit; the plot opens up, and suddenly the film is a whole lotta fun.  This is not some brooding slasher, it's a very 80s, kick-ass chick movie.  Not too many of those around anymore, and I can't help but feel that You're Next gets everything right that the Evil Dead remake gets wrong.

4.  Iron Man 3:  The First Mega Movie of the Summer is also the only Blockbuster to land on my top five.  Forget Avengers - Age of Ultron, Iron Man 3 is the real sequel to last year's Marvel Masterpiece, and even if it doesn't quite reach the heights of that Super Group, director Shane Black still delivers the finest entry in Shellhead's trilogy.  The intergalactic destruction brought down on New York City had lasting effects on Tony Stark; his panic attacks deliver a level of humanity to the character in the same fashion his alcoholism did in the comic books (we'll just have to settle on this PG-13, family friendly affliction).  Black manages to bring his wit & banter with him, a mean feat not yet accomplished by any of the Marvel Studios henchmen.  It's not Lethal Weapon, but there is enough of that flavor to invigorate the franchise.  Ben Kingsley's The Mandarin also happens to be the most surprisingly entertaining villain of the Super Hero genre, even if Guy Pearce's wronged scientist is a bit of a dullard and the film's revelations leave ignorant geeks to rage on the message boards.  Marvel continues to build its universe, and I'm still giddy for more.  Thor, Cap, The Guardians of the Galaxy - I'm all in.

3.  This Is The End:  The first film this year that left me 100% satisfied was this silly, stoner deconstruction of celebrity.  "Deconstruction."  That's probably giving the film too much credit.  This Is The End is just too damn funny to ignore.  Seth Rogen & Jay Baruchel play themselves, a couple of dimwits who use their good fortune to gorge upon Carl's Jr, video games & pot.  When Rogen drags Baruchel to James Franco's party the sky opens up and Revelation hits - the good get zapped up to heaven, and the bad are left behind to battle demon dogs as well as each other.  This film is bananas.  The entire cast has a blast destroying their personas; Danny McBride is exceptionally reprehensible, taking to the new rules of Thunderdome like a cannibal duck to water.  This Is The End is dumb, gross, and ignorant.  And I loved every second of it.

2.  The World's End:  And now for something completely different.  Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, & Nick Frost reteam to take on the Apocalypse but from a very British perspective.  The World's End still has plenty of silly, but whereas This Is The End often succeeds with stupidity, Wright's screenplay wins on childish wit.  There is a difference, a small one maybe, but it's enough to push one film over the other.  Several themes and in-jokes are carried throughout the Cornetto Trilogy, but the key ingredient has to be plutonic love.  I might still prefer both Shaun of the Dead & Hot Fuzz, but after a second viewing I think The World's End displays the strongest on-screen friendship yet.  It's a broken relationship, five friends that drifted apart years ago, but when Simon Pegg reaches a breaking point, the draw of his high school memory pulls the more successful chums back together.  A high school reunion involving an epic pub crawl through their home town.  Of course, as movies have taught us over and over, you can't go home again.  Especially when the body snatchers have set up shop.

1.  Only God Forgives:  Before the Summer started I postulated that at year's end this film was going to land on top, and as I write this, I seriously doubt any other film of 2013 will topple this beast from super stylist Nicholas Winding Refn.  Self-fullfilling prophecy?  Naw.  Refn just makes the slick & awful kind of films I love.  But don't confuse this Shakespearean battle between Heaven & Hell as another Drive.  Those looking for a recreation of 2011's cool zen Michael Mann'er will be sorely disappointed.  Only God Forgives is a deeply painful exploration of self-hate mixed with heavy handed gobs of MacBeth & Oedipus Rex that nearly ruptures from symbolism overload.  It's easy to see why some dared to Boo at the Cannes Film Festival, or why those craving more dreamy Ryan Gosling would reel back in disgust. Thai Boxing, Karaoke, Uzis, Samurai Swords.  A lot of nifty elements can be found within the frame, but the film is more concerned with terrible redemption than video game versus combat.  Certainly not for everybody, but Only God Forgives left this viewer completely satiated in a Summer season doused in mediocrity.

--Brad

"Steady On You Alkie!" Simon Pegg & Nick Frost Are Here To Get Annihilated!

This August Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, & Nick Frost are back to complete their Cornetto Trilogy (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) - this time focusing on the Apocalypse.  It's a solid trailer with a couple of good yucks, but it also doesn't rock my world.  'Course, I have to remember that the other three Wright flicks didn't really excite with their initial trailers either, but each one of his movies has found themselves in my year end Top Ten lists.  So, I've got some pretty high hopes here.  I definitely like the Invasion of the Body Snatcher-like moaning alien beasts or whatever the hell they are...hmmm, actually they kinda remind me of The Cancer Jesus.  And The World's End offers Wright even more fantastical elements to help hone his action movie director side - he's gotta get pumped for Marvel's Ant-Man after all.



--Brad

Dork Art: You've Got Red On You

Found via Fuck Yeah Movie Posters, this is a nifty spin on one of my favorite zom rom com, Shaun of the Dead from artist Neil Richards at Websites Are Lovely.  Watched Hot Fuzz not too long ago and its time to revisit the first part of The Cornetto Trilogy as I happily await Edgar Wright's concluding chapter.

--Brad