Matt’s Week in Dork! (8/17/14-8/23/14)

    Not a heck of a lot going on in the realm of Dorkness this week.  Just a bunch of movies.

Lo:  Not at all what I was expecting…and not really my kind of thing.  A low budget horror comedy.  Kind of handled/written like a play.  I guess they’re going for a sort of Faust thing (which they reference a bunch).  It’s got some funny bits, but overall, the humor felt a bit too college writing class for my taste.  The acting has that feel, too.

Rango:  A wonderful homage to Spaghetti Westerns, as well as a meditation on the nature of heroes and their quests, Rango is far more than a simple kids film.  Sure, there are lots of clever references for adults to pick up on, but there are also deeper lessons that will help children and adults grow.  This is the best sort of family entertainment.

Scanners:  With a look and feel similar to that of Cronenberg’s Rabid, this look at good intentioned science gone horribly awry is pretty cool.  I like how, similar to British horror/sci-fi films of the 70s, everything is accepted.  Nobody questions the existence of Scanners (a new race of psychic mutants).  It just is.  They are.  Then the movie rolls on.  Psychic warriors, corporate conspiracy, weird science, and yes, the ascension of a new Humanity.

The Expendables 3:  I’ve said it before, and sadly, I’ll probably say it again.  Don’t make violent action films PG-13.  And don’t make sequels to R rated films PG-13.  It didn’t work with Aliens VS Predator.  It sure as hell didn’t work here.  Though not as bad as I was expecting, this sanitized actioner lets you focus more on the dreadful acting and script.  Without all those body parts flying by to distract you, you can almost smell the smoke from the brains of these meatheads when they’re trying to remember their moronic lines.  That gives the movie its own charm, frankly.  Antonio Banderas is far and away the best part of the movie.  He’s awesome.  The rest?  Meh.  And Ronda Rousey?  Wow.  She’s impressively bad.  So uncomfortable in front of the camera, she can’t even act ‘standing around’ right.  Yikes.

The Hundred-Foot Journey:  There’s nothing especially challenging or game changing about this movie.  It’s a very cute, very nice romantic film.  It’s funny and warm, and it’s sweet.  If you’re in the mood for that sort of thing, check it out.  The cast is charming, the locations pretty, and the food looks great.  A good companion to Chocolat, The Big Night, or this year's other big food-porn film Chef.

Cowboys & Aliens:  I like Weird Westerns, and this mash-up of alien invasion film and classic Western makes for a fun viewing.  It looks good, moves at a good pace, and features plenty of nice genre bits.  If you like a little weird mixed in to your Western, check it out.  I feel like this would pair well with Valley of Gwangi or maybe John Carter.

Duck Soup:  Well, now I’ve seen a Marx Brothers movie.  Did I like it?  Well, I liked parts of it.  But the film is a jumble.  The plot is, at the very best, secondary.  It primarily serves as a frame to hang various bits and gags on.  Some of those bits and gags are funny, others are…less so.  Groucho is fun to watch do his fast talking retorts and insults.  Chico has a kind of gutter charm.  Harpo is as annoying as I’d always assumed he’d be.  And Zeppo doesn’t seem to have much to do.  It’s all nonsense, and as such, I suppose it’s fine.  Not my cup of tea, but fine.

I Love Maria:  Pretty good practical effects bolster a too zany comedy script.  The film is goofy, the humor broad, and the English subtitles (only option) are nearly gibberish.  A very, very young Tony Leung makes you wonder how he became such a fine actor.  Director Tsui Hark gives a surprisingly good performance.  But the movie sinks under the weight of its silly parts.  By the end of it, I didn’t care who did what or who made it out alive.  I was just glad the antics wound down.  Not horrible.  But not recommended.

Fa Meg Pa, For Faen:  There are a million reasons I’m glad to be a dude.  Watching this movie about a young woman, living in the sticks, trying to deal with budding sexuality is an awkward, painful reminder.  The movie is cute, but so darned painful to watch.  Alma doesn’t always make good choices, but she makes the kinds of bad choices kids of her age do, with sometimes hilariously stupid results.  This is a realistic comedy, not the wacky antics of the American Pie series, or similar.  Everything here feels like it came from a real place in the filmmakers’ lives.  There are plenty of pitfalls for young men, don’t get me wrong.  And I think this movie even handles a few of those pretty well, if from the outside.  Artur does something powerfully stupid and tries to play it off like it didn’t happen.  Yet, he’s not shown as a one-note jerk.  The performances are good, even though many of the actors are not professional actors.  A good movie for those who like less gross-out in their teen comedy...Not that there aren't some gross things; they're just not handled in as childish a way as one expects from most contemporary comedies.

Only Lovers Left Alive:  The script has far too much ‘oh so clever’ references and nods, delivered with too obvious a wink or elbow jab.  And yeah.  I get it.  Blood means drugs.  It looks nice, and the cast is good.  There’s not much of a story, really.  And while I didn’t dislike watching it, I instantly forgot about it.

    On Saturday night, we got together for our graphic novel club, where this month’s reading was Beasts of Burden.  The book was pretty good, if not great.  But the gathering was spirited and fun.  Everyone seemed to be on, and in good spirits.  It was a good night, sitting around with a wonderfully diverse bunch of brains.

-Matthew J. Constantine

Brad's Week In Dork (7/29/12-8/4/12)

Here's just a bunch of random crap I did this week.  And none of it really blew my mind.  Sure, there's good stuff here.  I'm still obsessing over Dark Knight Rises-I think a lot of that might stem from the annoying Internet hate being directed at the final chapter and even though I still have a few minor gripes towards the film, I still kinda love it.  So when The Wife said she was sad she missed the flick in IMAX we dropped everything we were doing and sped on over to the Udvar Hazy Air & Space Museum.  I mostly watched her watch the film, loving every moment that brought tears to her face.  She's amazing, the way film effect her--she's completely invested in the life of Bruce Wayne and I'm right there with her.

TV OF THE WEEK!

Hatfields & McCoys:  "Revenge is all I got inside of me." At 6 hours this History Channel production detailing the frustratingly stubborn and grotesquely violent war between the infamous Hatfields & McCoys is a bit of a slog. That being said, I found the impenetrable hate expressed by these mean bastard characters to be rather refreshing. Thanks to the crutch that is History, the character do not grow, they do not find revelation. Just death and sorrow. And Kevin Costner & Bill Paxton are perfect embodiments for these monstrous patriarchs. So if you can handle the sorrow and the pathetic actions of fools than you might just enjoy the bearded gnashing of History's most hateful families.

MOVIES OF THE WEEK!

Ice Age - Continental Drift:  After diving into the Ice Age saga on the fourth film,  I cannot claim to understand or care for these CG sitcom concoctions, but looking beyond the barf and fart jokes there are still a couple of chuckles to be found. Still, I cannot condone this voice cast. Ray Ramano, John Leguizamo, Denis Leary, and Queen Latifah are impossible to imagine as anything other than "personalities" even when Peter Dinkledge lends a little class with his taste of "furry." Ice Age - Continental Drift feels a lot like one of the lost, or rather better left forgotten, Land Before Time sequels and the Direct-To-DVD graveyard will be this franchise's eventual destination.

21 Jump Street:  Yes, with the H.F.S. baked declaration of "Fuck You Science!" Channing Tatum finally won me over to his dark side of brilliant comic timing. Forget my previous GI Joe-hate or Step Up confusion, you sir are a freaking mad man of comedy. 21 Jump Street defies the odds and delivers a laugh-out-loud remake and a downright game changer for at least half of its two leads. And lets not forget about Ice Cube and his Korean Jesus--he's got more serious problems than yours fool. Sure, the third reel action film payoff is forced and ultimately unnecessary, but it does give supposed fans of the original a happy spurt of cameo nostalgia.

Rango:  After about a half dozen viewings, I'm declaring Rango to be a new personal classic. Yep, I'm probably going to watch Johnny Depp's Lizard With No Name at least once a year for the rest of my life. Not only have ILM, Nickelodeon, and Gore Verbinski crafted the most beautiful CG animated film yet (seriously, those sunsets!? Those ugly ass mangy animals!?!) but a thrilling Weird Western cinematic sendup of Polanski's Chinatown as well as a million billion Spaghetti classics. And after experiencing the bland voices of the Ice Age it's a thrill to get real character work from Depp, Isla Fisher, Ned Beatty, Timothy Olyphant, Ray Winstone, and Bill Nighy.

William Shatner's Get A Life:  I signed up for a free trial run of Epix just to see The Shat's new doc.  It's super short, barely over an hour, but it has a genuine love for its fanboy subjects where the similarly themed Trekkies carried a more mocking tone.  However, just like Shatner's The Captains, the film feels heavily steered by The Shat's questions and his revelations are scripted rather than happened upon understanding.  Still, I love LOVE, especially Fanboy Love and Get A Life! is a warm dip into the crazy pool of Star Trek geekery.  I'm a proud member and one of these days I'll make it out to the big Vegas Trek extravaganza.

Piranha 3DD:  "In Case You Haven't Noticed, Fish Ate My Damn Legs!" David Hasselhoff as Fish Hunter aside, there is very little to enjoy about Piranha 3DD. Yep, this is just bad-bad cinema and nowhere near as hilariously fun-bad as it should be...which is the same problem with the first film's remake.  Director John Gulager attempts to parade out even skankier hos and splatter even bloodier kills but it all seems very tired. Sure, Hoffy & Ving Rhames score a few laughs but not nearly enough to recommend and I don't wanna get behind the cow fart destruction of Gary Busey.  Not cool.

The Dark Knight Rises:  Fourth viewing and I'm still quite satisfied with Chris Nolan's conclusion to his epic Batman saga.  And on my second IMAX experience I found the ratio switching much less distracting.  Favorite bits are still the first brutal confrontation with Tom Hardy's behemoth and the GCPD/League of Shadows Braveheart brawl...sure, a few more bullets could hit their target and The Dark Knight Rises seems to hold its violent punches where The Dark Knight relished in the depravity--And the time line gets super wonky!  But quibbles do not destroy a film, and they're no worse than the quibbles I had with either of the two previous Dark Knight entries.

The Gold Rush:  Of the latest Criterion rereleases, I easily prefer both Modern Times & The Great Dictator but it's The Gold Rush where you find some of Charlie Chaplin's most iconic images--the boot dinner, the dancing rolls, the teetering cabin. Classic stuff. But I find the Tramp's obsession with Georgia to be rather sad if not downright pathetic. She's such a thin snob of a woman who only sees Chaplin's prospector as a human when he obtains wealth. Their love is bitter and easily dismissed.

The Innkeepers:  Similar in pacing and payoff to Ti West's previous House of the Devil, however, I did not find either the spooks or the mystery of The Innkeepers to be engaging. I recognize a well crafted film but it's ultimately a hollow venture that's about as thrilling or thoughtful as a Paranormal Activity sequel. Sara Paxton sure can scream and Kelly McGillis sure got old.  Not enough plot for me.

COMICS OF THE WEEK!

The Underwater Welder:  Damon Lindelof, in his introduction, draws comparisons to Rod Serling's The Twilight Zone when championing this stellar graphic novel from the creator of Sweet Tooth. And once that parallel is drawn it is impossible to forget. But The Underwater Welder is not a simple homage to twisting genre moralities. There may or may not be a supernatural event at the center of this story, but at its heart The Underwater Welder is a simply drama-drama of an impeding father terrified not just by his responsibilities but his blessings as well. Author Jeff Lemire captures pain and anxiety perfectly and wraps it nicely in a blanket of acceptable fantasy.

Batman - Dark Victory:  Picking up shortly after the events of The Long Halloween, Jeph Loeb & Tim Sale introduce a new serial killer to Gotham, The Hang Man. But what does this mystery killer have to do with Holiday? Or the Falcone Crime Family? Or Harvey Dent? Frankly, I find the Who Done It plot less compelling than the murders of The Long Halloween (it's a rehashed device) but I do love the Falcone's deterioration into Freak Show Super Villainy. Sofia Gigante is a monster! Albert Falcone is as much a freak as Joker or Scarecrow. What started in The Long Halloween is solidified in Dark Victory, Loeb & Sale give us Gotham's transition from ordinary Mob crimes into the Rogues Gallery freakshow we've come to love so damn much.

Hawkeye #1:  Did I seriously purchase a Hawkeye comic?  I did!  And no, Jeremy Renner did not turn me to the dark side of lameness.  But when Big Planet Comics tells me I should check something out I usually listen (they were certainly right about The Underwater Welder & Green River Killer)  Plus, Matt Fraction.  He writes some damn good comics.  But even though I appreciated the lack of the purple suit and the added sad sack dog sidekick, I really wasn't enthralled with this one-off Bro basher.  Hawkeye, hero of the people?  Whatever.  But for a first issue it feels a little soft.  

Beasts of Burden - Neighborhood Watch:  Evan Dorkin & Jill Thompson's Beasts of Burden is an adorable supernatural horror.  Imagine Watership Down, Hellboy, and Pound Puppies smooshed through your Murder She Wrote obsessed television.  Neighborhood Watch collect three mini adventures in which Rex & Orphan chase down a chicken killing goblin, the heroic myth of the heroic Bitan is recounted to a liter of pups, and the Beasts encounter a herd of roaming zombie sheep.  Yep, weird wild stuff.  And a perfect introduction for the uninitiated.

Ultimate Spider-Man #13:  Ok, this somehow ties into the current Divided We Fall ultimate crossover event but it seems to only have very loose connections to the overall story.  Miles Morales struggles with the outcome of his deadly battle with The Prowler and Nick Fury & The Avengers ponder the destiny of this new Spider-Man.  It's all set-up to a two page payoff that has me clamoring for issue 14.  Time for Miles to finally confront the legacy of Peter Parker.  

The Sixth Gun #18-23:  After last week, I just couldn't wait for the next trade.  Becky escapes the Sword of Abraham in pursuit of the missing Drake Sinclair.  She tracks him to the town of Penance where a mysterious plague seems to have mutated the population.  More fun, gross Cowboy action.  The Sixth Gun continues to be one of my favorite new series thanks to cartoony, over-the-top violence including eyeless monster monks, Lovecraftian sea beasts, and leashed man-dog trackers.  The wordless issue 21 was easily the standout of the collection, featuring plenty of action and another hint towards the history of the Six Guns.  Glad I'm all caught up.

HOPELESS DORK EXPENSE OF THE WEEK!

The San Diego International Comic Con 2013:  Wow.  So, we already have our tickets for next year's show.  On Saturday, The Wife & I manned our computers ready to fight an army of faceless fellow dorks in competition for early Comic Con admittance.  The preregistration process began at 11AM and when I clicked the link I was the 18,000th person in line--no chance of getting Preview Night or all four days.  But thankfully my buddy TitoBane was 1,000th in line and he scored 4 Day Badges for both The Wife & myself.  There you have it.  Comic Con 2013 here we come.  I don't know if I can afford another flight over or a room or whatever but dammit I'm gonna make it happen.  We're Comic Con addicts now.  Every year for the rest of our lives.

--Brad

Dork Art: Mondo Celebrates The Oscars

This is rather interesting.  Mondo is marking the 84th Academy Awards with a Four Poster series highlighting four of their favorite nominees in four of their favorite categories.  First up we have Tom Whalen's 18 x 24 Rango for the Best Animated Feature category.  And for the Best Picture category we've got Kevin Tong's two Hugo variants.  I like Whalen's Rango and I think it would look great next to his Mondo Disney prints, but I don't have those and I'm not really chomping at the bit for this one on its own.  Tong's Hugos are pretty but don't really grab me either.  But I'm definitely curious to see what's next.

--Brad

The Oscars: Predictions & Desires

The Nominations for the 84th Academy Awards came in early this morning and they are pretty much what everyone expected with a few exceptions here and there.  I am very happy to see Hugo get so much love with 11 Nominations, but the buzz right now is that The Artist is the film to beat.  Both films are excellent and they both sorta feed into the same sorta Nostalgia porn that's so popular of late.

Okay, so if Harry Knowles can blather on about this stuff, so can I.

BEST PICTURE:

THE ARTIST
THE DESCENDANTS
THE HELP
HUGO
EXTREMELY LOUD & INCREDIBLY CLOSE
MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
WAR HORSE
THE TREE OF LIFE
MONEYBALL

As stated earlier, The Artist appears to be the film to beat.  Don't listen to all the backlash rolling around out there in Internetland, it's an amazingly emotional film that deserves all the technical and emotional love that's flowing it's way.  I'm still baffled by all the Moneyball love.  It was a decent film, and I definitely had a good time while I was watching it, but it was an experience that left me the moment I walked out of the theater.  The Descendants was excellent, and I could see this upsetting both The Artist & Hugo (since those films could easily split The Academy).  Midnight in Paris is my third favorite film on this list, and it also speaks to the same kind of feelings as The Artist & Hugo except it tells us to let go of our geek love and live a real life.  War Horse was okay.  Typical Spielberg emotional manipulation with some stunning visuals.  The Tree of Life is the bonkers film on the list and the critical darling.  It was definitely a cinematic adventure and I totally respect that.  Haven't seen The Help, guess I'll have to rent it before Febuary 26th.  And Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close is the real shock here.  From all accounts it's a terrible movie, but now I'm going to have to check it out.

Prediction:  THE ARTIST

Desire:  HUGO

BEST DIRECTOR:

Michel Hazanavicius, THE ARTIST
Alexander Payne, THE DESCENDANTS
Martin Scorsese, HUGO
Woody Allen, MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
Terrence Malick, THE TREE OF LIFE

This is a bit of a tough call.  I think Scorsese will take the prize over Hazanavicius cuz that's really the way I want it to play out.  This just feels like one of those year's where The Academy splits the love between Picture & Director.  Again Payne could steal the votes from a split Academy but I think that's less likly in the Director category.  But I would totally be happy if Malick walked away (or at least one of his representatives since there's no way he's showing up for the party) with the gold.

Prediction:  MARTIN SCORSESE

Desire:  MARTIN SCORSESE

BEST ACTOR:

Demian Bichir, A BETTER LIFE
George Clooney, THE DESCENDANTS
Jean Dujardin, THE ARTIST
Gary Oldman, TINKER, TAILOR, SOLDIER, SPY
Brad Pitt, MONEYBALL

Man, who would have thought in the mid 90s when George Clooney was starring in From Dusk Till Dawn and Brad Pitt was chasing serial killers in Seven that the two pretty boys would be duking it out in the same Best Actor category in 2011?  I DID!  The 90s is where I discovered the badassery of Clooney/Pitt and I'm so glad that the Academy has joined in the world's celebration of their ridiculous People Magazine domination.  I definitely want Clooney to have this for The Descendants.  Yes, it was my single favorite performance of last year and Clooney deserves the cred for choosing odd, small roles in an arena where he could be cranking out Batman & Robins over and over (well, maybe not Batman & Robins but definitely some generic Peacekeepers).  Again, Pitt was decent in Moneyball but that film was just blah for me.  Gary Oldman is my personal runner-up for this category cuz no one does chameleon work quite like that man.  Jean Dujardin was joyous in The Artist and spawned Matt to grow a pencil thin mustache for a week so that's gotta count for something.  And I haven't seen A Better Life so I've got nothing to say on Demian Bichir.

Prediction:  GEORGE CLOONEY

Desire:  GEORGE CLOONEY

BEST ACTRESS:

Glenn Close, ALBERT NOBBS
Viola Davis, THE HELP
Meryl Streep, THE IRON LADY
Rooney Mara, THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO
Michelle Williams, MY WEEK WITH MARILYN

Well, this is a tough category for me cuz I've only seen one film on the list:  The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.  And I thought that was only o-kay.  Mara was violently strong in her depiction of Salander but I just can't get too enthused about this movie.  She wins my Desire by default.  And I don't really have confidence in my prediction here.  Part of me wants to say Streep gets it for The Iron Lady cuz she got the Globe and all, but word has it that The Iron Lady is a flat film.  I think I'm going to go with Viola Davis cuz the world seems to be completely in love with The Help these days.  Really do need to see what all the fuss is about.

Prediction:  VIOLA DAVIS

Desire:  ROONEY MARA

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:

Kenneth Branagh, MY WEEK WITH MARILYN
Jonah Hill, MONEYBALL
Nick Nolte, WARRIOR
Cristopher Plummer, BEGINNERS
Max von Sydow, EXTREMELY LOUD & INCREDIBLY CLOSE

Oh My God!  What is Jonah Hill doing on this list!?!?!?  Seriously people!  Moneyball was only OKAY!  But there you have it, good for you kid, but I seriously doubt we'll see you here next year for 21 Jump Street.  This award is owned by Christopher Plummer.  He was amazing in Beginners and he's amazing in everything else.  Nick Nolte was solid in Warrior but that movie was more blase than Moneyball.  And again, very strange seeing Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close getting love but you have to dig Max von Sydow.  Haven't seen My Week With Marilyn but good show for Branagh.  The real crime here is that Albert Brooks got nothing for his scary ass turn in Drive.

Prediction:  CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER

Desire:  CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:  

Berenice Bejo, THE ARTIST

Jessica Chastain, THE HELP
Melissa McCarthy, BRIDESMAIDS
Janet McTeer, ALBERT NOBBS
Octavia Spencer, THE HELP

Here's another category that I have no clue about.  I've only seen The Artist, and I thought Bejo was absolutely charming in the film.  Was I knocked outta my seat by her performance?  No.  I'm guessing the award is going to Spencer based on the Globe win.  But McCarthy could surprise everyone and take it for Bridesmaids, another film I have absolutely no desire to see but critics & fans seem to think it's the bee's knees.  Personally, I'm just sick and tired of gross out humor whatever the gender.

Prediction:  OCTAVIA SPENCER

Desire:  BERENICE JEJO

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY:

Alexander Payne and Nat Faxon & Jim Rash, THE DESCENDANTS
John Logan, HUGO
George Clooney, Grant Heslov and Beau Willimon, THE IDES OF MARCH
Steven Zaillian and Aaron Sorkin (story by Stan Chervin) MONEYBALL
Bridget O'Connor & Peter Straughan, TINKER, TAILOR, SOLDIER, SPY

I've never been good with my screenplay predictions, but I'm betting on The Descendants.  HUGO could get the Best Picture prize and will most likely snag Best Director, but I don't think Logan has a chance here.  But having read the children's book he should totally get it cuz he brought a lot of much-needed character to that film.  Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy though was an absolutely amazing film and deserves to be on the Best Picture list (especially if Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close and Moneyball snuck their way in, so I want O'Connor & Straughan to walk away happy.

Prediction:  THE DESCENDANTS

Desire:  TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY:

Michel Hazanavicius, THE ARTIST
Kristen Wiig & Annie Mumolo, BRIDESMAIDS
J.C. Chandor, MARGIN CALL
Woody Allen, MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
Asghar Farhadi, A SEPARATION

Another tough call.  Could Bridesmaids take it?  Don't think so.  Again, populace choice.  The Artist seems to all be about directions, style, and performance.  Margin Call is your Glengary Glen Ross wannabe.  And I haven't seen A Separation and I don't think a lot of others have yet either, so good luck.  No, I think Woody Allen takes it for Midnight in Paris and I am shocked to say that I think that's the right choice.  Midnight in Paris is a charming film, and a great geek film!  And a film that I should probably pay close attention to, but really don't want to walk away with the message...

Prediction:  MIDNIGHT IN PARIS

Desire:  MIDNIGHT IN PARIS

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE:

A CAT IN PARIS
CHICO AND RITA
KUNG FU PANDA 2
PUSS IN BOOTS
RANGO

I guess the surprise here is that The Adventures of TinTin didn't find it's way onto the list, but I have a feeling that's because The Academy doesn't know what to make of Motion Capture quite yet.  Hence, Andy Serkis not winding up on the Best Supporting Actor list for Rise of the Planet of the Apes.  But I think they can get behind what Gore Verbinski tried to do with E-Motion Capture and Rango.  That's my prediction and my desire.  In fact, if I made up these lists Rango would be on the Best Picture list as well.  It's a stunning film, with even more amazing visuals.  ILM's first animated film will be a tough one to beat.  Puss in Boots was fun though, much more so than those god awful Shrek pictures.  And Kung Fu Panda 2 was as well.  But I don't remember a single thing about it.  As goes for A Cat In Paris & Chico and Rita...but that's because I've never even heard of those films.

Prediction:  RANGO

Desire:  RANGO

Okay, that's all the energy I have for the day.  Don't know how Knowles gets through all these awards every year.  Fingers crossed that I'm somewhat accurate with my predictions, but who really knows.  Not me.  Check back here on 2/26/12 I'm gonna try and do a live-broadcast kinda thing.  We'll see.

--Brad

The 2011 Dorkies! (Brad)

2011 was a solid year in film. It was no 1999, 2001, or even 2009 but it was a heck of a lot better than 2008 or 2010. Of the films released this year I watched a record 120, that's 19 more than last year. That might not be impressive to some of you hardcore film bloggers out there, but I’m quite pleased with cinematic intake.  Sure, I missed a couple films--The Skin I Live In, Take Shelter, and Shame being my biggest regrets.  Oh well, that's why we've got Netflix.

What I found most interesting about this year is that Matt & I have very similar lists.  Could it be that our work on this blog is infecting us both?  Are we becoming one being?  What might be more interesting are the films in which we differ.  Matt, why oh why is Drive Angry not on your Top Ten!?!?  Frankly, I'm disgusted by its exclusion on your list.

The other item of note, this is the first year that my own Top Ten shares many films that can be found on the critic's lists out there.  I'm I becoming more mature?  Or just a bigger snoot?  Again, at least I've got that Drive Angry to separate me out from the herd.  Anyway, without further ado:

The Top Ten Films of 2011:

10. Rubber: The first time I saw the trailer for Rubber, I chuckled. I thought, “a movie about a telekinetic killer tire? That’s gonna be craptastic in a Jason X kinda way.” But somehow, director Quentin Dupieux manages to take a pretentious student film and deliver one of the best bits of whackjob cinema I’ve ever experienced. What does it all mean? Hey, they say at the outset “No Reason.” Just roll your wheelchair next to Wings Hauser in the audience and enjoy. And don’t eat that chicken.

9. Drive Angry 3D: According to interviews, Nicolas Cage sees himself as a modern day Vincent Price; latching himself to one bizarre genre picture after the other in a mad dash for cash. It seems to be backfiring for most people, but I honestly enjoyed all three of his B Movies this year (yes, even Season of the Witch). Granted, I have a serious weakness for Cage and although I’m not going to psychoanalyze it here you should take that into account. Drive Angry borrows heavily from one of my favorite 70s exploitation flicks, Race With The Devil as well as other Satanist paranoia movies of the era like The Devil's Rain and Rosemary's Baby. Nic Cage is definitely greasy gross in his drippy, blonde strands and he’s ridiculously serious as the escaped convict hellbent on rescuing his sacrificial lamb granddaughter from the clutches of soulpatched Billy Burke (miss that Charlie mustache from Twilight). William Fichtner probably has the most fun as hell’s accountant with his quippy lines and smug know-it-all smiles, and I love how their relationship eventually plays out with a respectful human skull salute! of Kentucky Bourbon.  Even Amber Heard gets the vibe perfect as the southern drawled, daisy duked sidekick who likes naked men to paint her toe nails.  Cheese of the highest order.

8.  The Artist:  Love at first sight. That was me ten minutes into The Artist. A wondrous picture following silent film sensation George Valentin as his relevance comes into question with the emergence of the Talkies. But being a silent film itself, The Artist is no mere gimmick--it's a celebration of cinema, reveling in the power of performance and emotion. Jean Dujardin gives one of the year's best turns as the descending Valentin, but all the actors find a place to shine. From 30 seconds of Malcom McDowell, to the brilliance of John Goodman's exaggerated producer, to James Cromwell's impossibly dutiful chauffeur Clifton. I cannot sing The Artist's praises enough.  If you love movies, you must see it in the theater with a crowd.  A pure, cinematic experience.

7.  Hobo With A Shotgun – It's all in the title.  A film that celebrates the joys and the theatrics of The Extreme and miraculously manages to capture that 80s grime found splattered across the best VHS box covers.  Rutger Hauer spits and gnashes an epic cult performance; a perfect grasp on the absurd, psychotic dialog.  But so does the rest of the cast!  It goes without saying that Hobo With A Shotgun is not for everybody, but with the right eagerness it's as thrilling as a bus load of flamethrowered children.  Frankly, it's amazing that this film actually lived up to all our ITMOD anticipation.

6. Hanna -- Genetically enhanced super child Saoirse Ronan leaves her father's roost to hunt down her mother's killer and no punches are pulled in this rather brutal PG-13 chase picture. Director Joe Wright takes the simple script and excels with a style exercise--saturation, thumping Chemical Brothers score, odd character beats, and quick stabbing edits. What's the deal with Cate Blanchet's bloody gum obsession? Or the track suited homosexual assassin? Or that hippie-dippie globe-hopping family? Don't know, but it keeps the proceedings wildly interesting.

5. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy – Gary Oldman gives one of his finest performances (sorry Tiptoes, your hyperbolic trailer holds no water here) as retired Brit spy George Smiley, who must maneuver his way through the treacherously murky waters of MI-6 as he attempts to upturn a mole in “The Circus.” And surrounded by Oldman are some of the U.K.s finest: John Hurt, Mark Strong, Colin Firth, Tom Hardy, Benedict Cumberbatch are all utterly brilliant puttering around this booby trapped script. Don’t expect the shaky cam heroics of The Bourne Identity; the action here is done in small facial distortions, and when violence inevitably erupts it’s quick and brutal.

4. Rango – Both director Gore Verbinski and ILM’s first foray into feature length animation, Rango is an absolutely bonkers Weird Western that really is nuttier than you could possibly imagine from those initial trailers. Johnny Depp’s Lizard With No Name is a struggling actor trapped in existential crises and looking for life’s part when he stumbles into the metaphorical town of Dirt and it’s Chinatown conspiracy. Definitely not your typical kiddie fare, most of the plot points and icky strange jokes will float above their heads but there are a couple fart jokes (and human spinal columns in feces gags) to keep them satisfyingly giggly.

3. Drive -- Neon L.A. Noir at its finest. Drive is a brutally violent crime story with a fantastic Charles Bronson turn from Ryan Gosling. He manages to pull off a soft, stunted soul that’s also capable of bursting with scary, blood curdling, hammer swinging violence. Director Nicolas Winding Refn keeps the violence short and splashy, but layers the remaining run time of tension with a pulsating Euro techno score. And let’s not forget some of the year’s best supporting performances from psycho evil mini-mobsters Albert Brooks & Ron Perlman.

2. Attack The Block – This year’s internet instant cult classic! Imagine The Goonies if raised on the violent streets of South London battling it out with intergalactic Wolf Apes and you’ve got the year’s most fist-pumpingly entertaining films of the year. John Boyega gives the year’s breakout performance as Moses, the hoodrat thug turned Samurai Alien Hunter. The score is classic John Carpenter with throbbing synth beats that convey the joys of both The Thing and Assault on Precinct 13. And like The Goonies or The Monster Squad, you’ll finish the film wishing these kids were your backyard gang…well, as long as they’d have you. Trust.  Believe.  Allowit.

1. Hugo – Are you ready for this? Hugo is Martin Scorsese's best film in the last 20 years. Bam. Done. Wrapped up in this kid's adventure film is a beautiful love letter to cinema and I want to grab all my family members, friends, and coworkers to see it so that they'll have a proper understanding of why I love movies as much as I do. Orphan Hugo Cabret lives in the walls of the Paris Train Station, stealing from the local shops he grabs the attention of Ben Kingsley's toymaker and Sasha Baron Cohen's railroad inspector. Here Hugo will discover the clockwork secret to his father's automaton and his purpose within the machine of man. Great performances from all involved, but the true star is Scorsese's Love Affair with Cinema and his mastery over it. I was emotionally rocked by Hugo, and in such a way that I’ve never experienced in a movie theater. A religious experience? That sounds silly, but definitely something of an internal enlightenment.

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The Best & Worst of The Rest!

Best Director:  Nicolas Winding Refn (Drive) -- Before Drive, I had only seen Refn's Bronson and Valhalla Rising.  I enjoyed the wild intensity of both of those films, but there was some unnamable quantity about them that kept me from going "all in" with the director's vision.  With Drive and its star Ryan Gosling, Refn takes a stab at Hollywood mainstream; James Sallis' sparse crime novel provides the perfect backbone for Refn's hyper-stylized vision and the result is a film oozing with Michael Mannish Steve McQueen cool.  It's classy.  It's Brutal.  An oxymoron of shiny noir.

Best Supporting Male Performance:  Albert Brooks (Drive) -- Why were we all so shocked to see Albert Brooks as the violent movie producer gangster Bernie Rose?  I guess we just love to cage our actors in the roles we discovered them in.  But I was shocked...or stunned by Brooks in Drive.  He's a beast.  And without pages of exposition you get how he got where he is; he's charming and cool, but he's also a disgusting psychotic with an eye for cutlery.  Bummer for the sad sacks who get in his way.

Best Supporting Female Performance:  Keira Knightley (A Dangerous Method) -- I'm giving her the award based solely on her first fifteen minutes on screen.  A Dangerous Method might have been a bit of disappointment coming off the brutal Cronenberg crime sagas of A History of Violence and Eastern Promises, but I cannot remember a time in which I felt more uncomfortable than I was watching Knightley's chin-jutting burst of crazy upon arrival at Carl Jung's nuthouse.  It's a cliche to say, but Knightley is absolutely fearless as the sexually complicated patient and I'm stunned that I thought of her more often than either Fassbender or Mortensen when the credits rolled.  Hat's off.

Best Leading Male Performance:  George Clooney (The Descendants) -- Whether as actor or director, it seems like George Clooney always finds a way to make it on to my year's best.  Similar to Nic Cage, I've just got a hard on for Clooney.  Crude, but accurate.  I saw The Descendants by myself.  It was a mistake.  The story of Hawaiian landowner Matt King coming to terms with his wife's catastrophic Matthew Lillard affair while she's just days from coma death left me a puddle. Here Clooney proves something I thought him incapable of:  sad, pathetic, schlubby, a good dad.

Best Leading Female Performance:  Charlize Theron (Young Adult) -- And here's another expertly crafted pathetic mess.  Charlize Theron taps into her psycho bitch as YA author Mavis Gary on the hunt to steal her now married ex from his drummer wife and infant daughter.  Theron spits venom with the best of them, but it's as her plan begins to fumble that the heights of her complicated trainwreck reveal themselves.  And her final, naked moments in front of crippled Patton Oswalt are devastating if not heartbreaking (she is a complete witch afterall).

Best Poster:  Hobo With A Shotgun -- Just like Jason Eisner's film itself, the poster for Hobo With A Shotgun perfectly captures that brilliant decade of VHS exploitation, The 1980s.  Artist Tom Hodge aka The Dude Designs knocks it out of the park in this era of floating heads and photoshop.  Thank you, sir.

Best ADR:  "Jumping!" (Your Highness) -- I absolutely loved this movie.  Seems like a lot of you folks out there don't share that opinion.  That's fine.  But I just adored this send up of those goofy ass fantasy films of the 80s.  Your Highness understands the allure of Deathstalker and The Barbarian Queen films. And drops in some pot humor.  But the biggest laugh of the film for me comes at the climax.  Danny McBride and James Franco are battling it out with the evil wizard Justin Theroux; as he hops from one castle bridge to the other a bit of last minute ADR screeches, "Jumping!"  It's ridiculous.  I've seen the film three times now and it crack me up each outing.  I have a dumb brain.

Best Coffee:  Kato's Cappuccino (The Green Hornet) -- 2011's first film that I saw in the theater turned out not to be the biggest heap of crap that I was anticipating.  Sure, it's still not the pulp adventure that I would have wanted, but Seth Rogen comic book movie was plenty fun.  However, what I took most out of that film was an insatiable desire for sidekick Kato's special cappuccino machine.  That brew looked damn delicious.

The "Hey, I Don't Hate Your Guts Anymore!" Award:  Woody Allen (Midnight In Paris) -- I've just never been a fan of Woody Allen.  Annie Hall.  Manhattan.  Match Point.  I've tried, but it's all just a snooze to me.  So, imagine my surprise when Midnight in Paris put a great big grin across my face AND it nearly made my Top Ten films of the year.  Can't believe it, frankly.  But it's just such a wonderful geek movie.  I completely relate to Owen Wilson's 1920s obsession and the fear of the real world.

Best Super Hero:  Captain America The First Avenger -- My initial reaction to Joe Johnston's WWII Marvel adventure was lukewarm at best.  I loved the first 2/3rds of the flick but thought the film suffered from one too many montages and was bogged down in preparation for next year's Avengers event.  Well, I still feel those things.  But now I've watched the film a half dozen times on blu ray and I just adore Chris Evan's Steve Rodgers.  And those moments between him and Stanley Tucci's good doctor are so utterly precious.  The film through their tiny conversations gets what it means to be a hero.  So that first 2/3rds is better than a complete Green Lantern, Thor, or X-Men First Class.

Best Theatrical Episode of Quantum Leap:  Source Code -- It might not have rocked my world as much as MOON, but Duncan Jones' sci-fi actioner was an early year bright spot.  Gets bonus props for including Dr. Sam Becket aka Scott Bakula as Jake Gyllenhaal's telephone father.

Best Buddy Cop Movie:  Season of the Witch -- Goofy.  Stupid.  Fun.  Season of the Witch is that Vincent Price movie Nicolas Cage so desperately wanted it to be; take out the CGI and you've got yourself a solid heir to Roger Corman's Masque of the Red Death.  But what I really love about this movie is the strange Crusader pairing of Cage and go-to brute Ron Perlman.  It's something I never would have imagined, but this oddity is a wonderful gift to genre fans.

More Dinosaurs Please:  Tree of Life -- I enjoyed Terrance Malick's 50s family drama, but the stuff I absolutely adored was all the crazy, pretentious stuff.  The Big Bang, The Dinosaurs, The Afterlife...?  The Brad Pitt stuff was good and all, but I couldn't quite connect the dots to all this mondo stuff.  Apparently there is a 6 Hour cut out there.  I'm definitely down for that.

Best Remake:  Fright Night -- Another shocker from the year.  Colin Farrell as suburban vampire Jerry?  David Tennant as rock star magician Peter Vincent?  Sounds like a recipe for "Who Cares?"  But Fright Night managed to keep a lot of the fun flare found in the original.  It doesn't reinvent the wheel, but it also doesn't set it ablaze.

Worst Remake:  Straw Dogs -- I would argue that you just can't make a movie like Sam Peckinpah's film anymore.  We are just too damn PC.  So if you can't even get your lead actress to take her top off than why bother with a sick puppy flick like Straw Dogs?  No point.

Best DVD Release of the Year:  Sweet Smell of Success Criterion Blu Ray -- Another year another twenty or so amazing releases from Criterion.  And this year might have been the best one yet.  Not only did we get Sweet Smell of Success, but also Kiss Me Deadly, 12 Angry Men, The Great Dictator, and The Three Colors Trilogy.  But there are no greater cinematic bastards than Tony Curtis and Burt Lancaster as Falco and J.J. Hunsecker.  Watching Curtis squeeze and sleaze his way through the world of New York press is both painful and delightful--especially when he's bashing up against Lancaster's towering, omnipotent columnist.  And the dialog!  "The Cat's in the bag and the bag's in the river."  "I'd hate to take a bite out of you.  You're a cookie filled with arsenic."  Monstrous!

Most Overrated Film of the Year:  Melancholia -- I just don't get this one.  Kirsten Dunst's bride is just too damn crazy for me to relate to; how on Earth did this wedding ever come to fruition anyway?  Sure, Lars Von Trier's visuals are sometimes stunning but not stunning enough or often for me to give a crap.  Similar to last year's The Social Network, I just did not care what happened to these horrible people.  Kiefer Sutherland was a tiny bright spot.

Most Unfairly Maligned Film of the Year:  Cowboys & Aliens --  Craig and Ford feel right at home on their horses and I'd love to see further adventures with these chracters with or without the battle toads.  And I maintain that Favreau's genre mashup is a damn fine popcorn Western with an excellent breed of actors chewing up the scenery.  Don't think the film is going to convert modern audiences to the cowboy picture, but fans of outlaw cinema will find enough to enjoy.  Besides, name a better weird Western?  And don't say Rango...cuz yer right.

The Worst Films of The Year!

1.  Dylan Dog Dead of Night -- SOOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOORRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNGGGG. Thanks to small roles in Chuck and Scott Pilgrim vs The World I've become quite the fan of Brandon Routh. Unfortunately, Dylan Dog presents a tremendous blow on that status. Not one single original thought or idea flutters across the screen. Instead we're presented with one cliche after the other and an endless narration that dares you to rip every follicle from your skull. Painfully dull.

2.  Conan The Barbarian -- Terrible. Do I have to go on? Hard to muster up the energy for a film so disappointing. It's not like the Arnie classic got the Robert E Howard stories pefectly, but it definitely got those Frank Frazetta paintings! This is just cheap immitation with a completely lifeless lead in Jason Momoa who just seems to give high-fives and point his sword in the air.

3.  Red Riding Hood -- How is this the same woman who made Thirteen & The Lords of Dogtown?  Those were not great movies, but they were well crafted or at the very least not completely incompetent like this and that first Twilight flick.  What's wrong with our country that we'll shell out cash for this?  What's wrong with me?

4.  Spy Kids All The Time In The World -- It's been a while, but I remember Robert Rodriguez's first two Spy Kids films having a serious dose of childish, somewhat farty intelligence. But this latest outing in the decade old franchise is a true embarrassment. I was pretty much lost from the opening scene; watching a full blown pregnant Jessica Alba zip lining through an action sequence as her water breaks...I'm just thankful I didn't attend one of those aroma-scope theatrical experiences. And the film is just NOT FUNNY! From Ricky Gervais talking, butt-bombing dog to Joel McHale's well-quaffed Spy Hunter--the jokes fall flat. Robert Rodriguez seriously needs to make a good movie, and soon.

5.  Sucker Punch -- Forget all the asylum Return to Oz mumbo jumbo, I would have much rather watched a movie set in a Fantasy world filled with Gatling gun toting samurai and bomber chasing dragons than this dreary can't-handle-reality tale. Plus, the lead "badass babes" are dull, dull, dull and the only actor I sorta enjoyed was Scott Glenn's Yoda warrior, and I couldn't really figure out his purpose anyway. There are some great visuals here and it made for a helluva teaser trailer, but there just really isn't much here to savor.  I don't hate Zach Snyder, just the opposite.  This was really the first film of his that I just could not enjoy on any level.  Fingers crossed for Man of Steel.

Biggest Disappointments!

1.  The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo -- I didn't really dig the book or the original Swedish film.  I was hoping David Fincher would bring something new to the picture, but it's basically a rehash of the mediocre material.  Besides have the greatest James Bond opening credits in a non-James Bond movie there really just wasn't much here for me.  Probably my least favorite Fincher film.

2.  A Dangerous Method -- It's a solid film with some fun performances from Michael Fassbender, Viggo Mortensen, and Keira Knightley.  But it lacked that extra bit of oomph.  I don't think I wanted another Eastern Promises, but this was just too dry for me.

3.  Super 8 -- I'm not going to dwell on this cuz I know Matt loved the heck outta this flick, but it just didn't light my world on fire.  It's a good movie.  But after a rewatch it just doesn't hold my interest.  JJ Abrams makes one pretty flick and I think the kids in this film are absolutely amazing.  But the eventual sci-fi reveal is a little lackluster.  It's good nostalgia.

4.  Red State -- I don't know what I thought this was going to be, but I just could not stand this movie.  I love Michael Parks' crazed preacher and John Goodman is decent.  But the second half of the film is nearly unbearable.  The G-Men are so damn cliche and jerkwady.  I just don't buy it.  And then Smith doesn't have the guts to stick with the twisty climax.

5.  Meek's Cutoff -- As a Western nut I was really looking forward to this wayward pioneer story.  And I love Bruce Greenwood's beard here!  But it's a little too indie and spare for me to enjoy.   Definitely a pretty picture though.  But I much preferred Sam Shephard's Butch Cassidy sequel Blackthorn.


The Actor of the Year!

Ryan Gosling:  This time last year I found it pretty easy to dismiss Ryan Gosling.  What, that kid from The Notebook?  Hey, check out Half Nelson!  Yeah, yeah, I heard that's good, I'll get to it.  But then 2011 brought us Drive, Crazy Stupid Love, and The Ides of March.  One, Two, Three.  Can't ignore that.  In Drive, of course, Gosling is a quiet monster ready to strike at those he perceives as villainous.  A Badass Psychotic.  Crazy Stupid Love is a rare treat, a romantic comedy that's not just typical Jo Lo mushy blather fodder and Gosling is Super Cool TNT as the smug, know-it-all lothario.  And then in George Clooney's The Ides of March he delivers a twisting transformation as the do-gooder campaign secretary turned inevitable political hypocrite.  And, apparently, next year Gosling is set to team-up once again with director Nicolas Winding Refn for Only God Forgives--a Bangkok police drama involving a Thai boxing tournament.  WTF?  Sign me up.  In the meantime I'm gonna Netflix The Notebook.

The Most Anticipated Film of 2012:  Django Unchained -- This year is gonna be insane.  The Dark Knight Rises, The Avengers, Prometheus, The Hobbit, Skyfall, Ghost Rider 2, World War Z, GI Joe Retaliation, The Expendables 2, and uh...Battleship.  But of all the films to look forward to, the one I'm gorging pins & needles for is Quentin Tarantino's Western Django Unchained.  The man has been paying homages to the great genre in almost every film in his cannon and now he finally has the opportunity to let loose.  I remember when QT first optioned Elmore Leonard's novel 40 Lashes Less One--the very idea of cowboys in his Mexican Standoffing universe is enough to make the 14 year old boy in me squeal.  And what a great cast he's got lined up:  Jaime Foxx, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kurt Russell, Sam Jackson, Christophe Waltz, Joseph Gordon Levitt, James Remar, and Sacha Baron Cohen. That's amazing.  Is it December yet?

Complete Top 20 0f 2011!

1.  Hugo

2.  Attack The Block

3.  Drive

4.  Rango

5.  Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

6.  Hanna

7.  Hobo With A Shotgun

8.  The Artist

9.  Drive Angry

10.  Rubber

11.  Midnight in Paris

12.  Cowboys & Aliens

13.  13 Assassins

14.  The Descendants

15.  Blackthorn

16.  The Adventures of Tintin

17.  Source Code

18.  Captain America: The First Avenger

19.  Young Adult

20.  The Adjustment Bureau

--Brad