The 2012 Dorkies - The Best & Worst of Cinema (Brad's Picks)

I saw 94 new films released in 2012.  That's the lowest number of films I've devoured in a single year since the early 2000s.  My heart just wasn't in it this year.  Why is that?  Well, for the first half of the year (with a few exceptional exceptions) I suffered one horrendous disappointment after the other.  In a dork temper tantrum I let some movies slip by my radar.  In year's past I would have been rushing out to see The Master on 70 mm.  I would have kicked down doors for John Hawkes' quadriplegic indie smash, The Sessions.  I would've driven miles to hear the rockin accordion music of Holy Motors.  But having my heart broken by John Carter, Prometheus, Brave, etc kinda took the wind out of my sails.  Thankfully, as the year came to a close and I started choking down as many movies as I could, I found a great many films that I absolutely adored and I'm quite pleased with my Top Ten list.  It should be noted though that I'm not all that confident in the order of films past slot number 5.  These lists are always arbitrary, but this year it feels even more so.

But before we jump into this year's awards I want to take a quick look back at 2011.  As is often the case, opinions change over time.  I'm still madly and completely in love with Martin Scorsese's Hugo & Joe Cornish's Attack The Block, but as 2011 blended into 2012 there was one film I watched over and over again, and with each subsequent viewing, loved it more and more.  So the first Dorkie of 2012 must go to...

The "Hey Girl" Revised Best Film of 2011 Award - Drive:  I watched Nicholas Winding Refn's violent crime drama several times in 2012 (and the day I bought the blu I watched it back to back with itself).  It's slick, cool, and painful.  There's barely a narrative, and it does play a little like style over substance, but Ryan Gosling keeps it from devolving into boring drivel.  He's got the puppy dog eyes for Carey Mulligan & family, and when their sweet daydream is threatened those eyes go rabid, the fists clench, and a whole bunch of scum gets pulverized.  Albert Brooks is the twinkling, knife plunging psychopath at the top of the beanstalk, and his Chinese food conversation with Gosling's Driver ranks right up there with my all time favorite suspense conversations.  I mean no disrespect to Hugo or Attack The Block, but if I'm gonna be honest, Drive turned out to be my favorite film of last year.  So keep that in mind when nitpicking the below...

TOP TEN FILMS OF 2012

10.  Killing Them Softly - A lot has been made about the politics of this film.  And it does hit the economic crisis nail on the head incessantly and, yeah, pretentiously.  But I don't care about that.  This film is just so perfectly ugly.  Scoot McNairy and Ben Mendelsohn are the dimmest bulbs of gross criminal stupidity I've ever encountered at the movies.  Break out the Darwin awards, we've got a couple of real winners.  And the resulting horror that's bestowed upon poor goombah Ray Liotta, I don't think I've seen a beatdown as brutal as the one bestowed upon that whiney schmuck.  Brad Pitt does his uber cool routine and that's always fun.  James Gandolfini is also wonderful as the sadsack hitman drunk of booze and hookers.  But for me Killing Them Softly is perfectly summed up in that three second shot of Ben Mendelsohn trying to contain a car full of shit exploding canines.  So gross.  So sad.  So much depressing fun.

9.  Moonrise Kingdom - In some ways, this is my least favorite Wes Anderson film.  However, that still qualifies it as one of 2012's very best.  Anderson has perfected the beauty of his camera.  No one can shoot an absolutely artificial set as lovingly as this man, and no one can pepper those dioramas with adorably fictitious approximations of truthful characters.  Everything feels crafted, but magically, Anderson mines real emotions from his creations.  The love story between Sam & Suzy is more heartfelt than any dozen Hollywood romcom pairings, and their runaway adventure feels just as perilous as the most ridiculous Romancing The Stones.

8.  Dredd - I know what you're thinking.  "Brad, how can you possibly put Dredd on your Top Ten and exclude The Raid: Redemption?"  Well, the simple fact is that this is Judge Dredd.  I repeat, this IS Judge Dredd.  Not one trace of "I Knew You'd Do That" Stallonery.  Ok, ok.  So maybe this Dredd is not as fascist or as horrible a human being as he should be, but Karl Urban perfectly captures the voice, the frown, and the attitude of Mega City One's greatest lawgiver - it's a performance as perfect as his DeForest Kelley possession.  And the film relishes in the brutality of action cinema; bullets tear through bodies and walls while the collateral damage gets chucked from the balcony.  This is the nostalgic Hard R Action Film I keep hoping from The Expendables.

7.  Lincoln - There is no other film on my Top Ten that I'm more surprised to see than Steven Spielberg's latest bit of hero worship.  But this is not the sweeping, cram-it-all-in biopic I was expecting.  Instead, this is an epic political exploration of Lincoln's life during the month of January 1865; the screenplay's focus allows for a mythologizing (and humanizing) of Abraham Lincoln we've never before experienced on film.  I don't think I really understand the man behind the president anymore than I did before, but there's definitely a curiosity there now that didn't exist before.  Daniel Day-Lewis does indeed deliver another transformative performance, and it manages to scrape nobility, paternity, and adorability (seriously, how cute is his storytelling).  Plus, you've got this amazing entourage of character actors parading throughout the film.  David Strathairn, James Spader, Tim Blake Nelson, John Hawkes, Hal Holbrook, Jackie Earl Haley, Bruce McGill, Jared Harris, Michael Stuhlbarg, Walton Goggins - most of them decked out in the most amazing facial hair!  And then there's Tommy Lee Jones, kicking ass yet again as the film's heart and soul.  I am so happy (and surprised) to announce Lincoln as one of Steven Spielberg's finest efforts.

6.  Skyfall - Since Daniel Craig has taken over the mantel each James Bond film has found its way onto my Top Ten (yes, even Quantum of Solace).  I'm not exactly sure when it happened (it certainly wasn't in childhood), but 007 has become one of my Must Have franchises and Skyfall ranks right up there with From Russia With Love and Goldfinger.  Director Sam Mendes and Cinematographer Roger Deakins have delivered the most beautifully shot film of the series (those Scottish Moor frames like the one above belong on my wall), and Daniel Craig gives his strongest and most complex turn yet.  Also Javier Bardem is Craig's first true Bond villain, chewing up the scenery as the sexually torturous, snaggletoothed Silva.  Several folks out there in Internetland have drawn comparisons to Heath Ledger's Joker and I do see a lot of the Clown Prince in Bardem's beastie...but it's more of the Caesar Romero variety.  He's just having so much fun being bad.  And I have just as much fun watching him smile and sneer his way through bloodshed.  And as much as I love the globetrotting adventure, I was thrilled to finally get a flick in which Bond had to fight for the Queen while actually on her soil.

5.  Looper - I had to dwell on this one for a while.  And I needed at least two viewings of the film before I settled on its quality.  It just wasn't what the trailers had promised, and I really wanted a kick ass time travel story from the director of the genre obsessed Brick.  Looper delivers on the time travel stuff, but it skirts the pesky minutia to the fringes of the screenplay and instead focuses on a very human horror story less in common with The Terminator and more akin to the emotions found in the very best Twilight Zone episodes.  Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Bruce Willis are phenomenal as young & old Joe, and their bitter, snarky conversation at the center of the film is filled with as much self-depricating humor as it is tension.  This is excellent sci-fi, but it's even better actory melodrama.

4.  The Dark Knight Rises - This also gets my vote for the most unfairly maligned movie of the year.  Is it as good as Batman Begins?  No.  Is it as good as The Dark Knight?  No.  Do I wish they handled a few points differently?  Hell yes.  But dammit, Christopher Nolan's Caped Crusader Trilogy is one of the greatest gifts ever given to comic book fanboys and The Dark Knight Rises is still an excellent conclusion to a super hero saga.  I love Tom Hardy's Bane.  Something I cannot say about his comic book counterpart.  I love the voice.  I love the swagger.  I love the Break The Bat sewer fight.  The first film was Bruce Wayne's coming-of-age, the second film was the cost of his creation, and the third film is his legacy bestowed on Gotham.  And the film is so damn big!  How can you not appreciate the scope of that third act.  Hundreds of extras clashing in the streets of Gotham; Batman & Bane punching it out on the courthouse steps, and a "Somedays You Just Can't Get Rid Of A Bomb" countdown to doom.  This is David Lean level spandex, and we're going to be obsessing over these three films for the rest of our lives.

3.  The Grey - The first film of 2012 to rock me to my core, and for the longest time I thought it was going to forever sit handsomely on the top of the heap.  Liam Neeson gives his greatest performance as the suicidal wolf puncher forced to fight for life in a winter wastelands after his company plane disintegrates over Alaska.  Part To Build A Fire, part Quint's Indianapolis speech from Jaws.  All man. But it's not all grizzly wolf attacks and campfire bravado.  Buried in its heart is the year's most painful love story, and a heroic one-man battle against despair.

2.  The Avengers - The most rousing theatrical experience I had all year.  As a long time comic book geek, Joss Whedon's Avengers was a straight up revelation.  We've had a lot of super hero flicks in the last couple of decades, but none has so perfectly captured the medium as well as this Damn Yankees Marvel mashup.  And I really didn't think there was a hope in hell of that happening.  Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Thor, and Captain America.  They're a bunch a fun flicks.  But they're nothing great.  The Avengers is Great.  It juggles a large ensemble of icons, gives each of them they're moment, and even redefines a few of them better than anywhere else in pop culture - Bruce Banner's "I'm Always Angry" is a declaration we've been waiting eons to hear from the four colored variety.   The real question is where do we go from here.  Can an Iron Man 3 or Guardians of the Galaxy possibly realize the promise given with the credits' tag?  I have hope.  They've already proved the impossible, just do it again Marvel.

1.  Django Unchained - Quentin Tarantino pulled it off.  He's been dancing around the Western his entire career, and now that he's finally submerged himself fully into the genre he's manufactured one of its greatest products.  The film acts as a revenge fantasy for its audience while the screenplay focuses on a hero's quest worthy of Joseph Campbell's analytics.  Similar to Inglourious Basterds, Tarantino gives us the opportunity to face humanity's worst atrocities through the filter of blood drenched cinema and delivers a smiley faced triumph more successful in addressing our historical shame than 25 Amistads or 50 Glorys.  That very idea might disgust some viewers out there, but sometimes the best way to understand history is to couch hard lessons in popular entertainment.  But enough of that preachy soapbox mumbo jumbo. Django Unchained really does work as a straight up Western adventure - it ain't High Noon, but it's a great companion for the nightmare worlds of the Spaghetti Western.


HONORABLE MENTIONS (in alphabetical order):  Argo, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Cabin in the Woods, Haywire, The Hunter, Kill List, Lawless, Paranorman, Seven Psychopaths, 21 Jump Street)
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Best Director - Quentin Tarantino (Django Unchained):  Earlier this year when I was sitting in Hall H at the San Diego Comic Con listening to QT yammer on about his latest opus, I remember having serious doubts as to whether or not he was going to be able to pull off this goofy looking Southern.  The footage shown there was a mash of comedy and violence, something not unfamiliar to the Tarantino fan, but I couldn't connect-the-dots between the Blazing Saddles buffoonery of those pseudo-Klansman bickering over eyesight and the explosive bags of blood bursting from Django's victims.   And how about all those big ego actors he'd be dealing with: the scenery butchering Leonardo DiCaprio, the too cool for school Jaime Foxx, the gargantuan gesticulating of Christophe Waltz, and the mean ass staredowns of Samuel L Jackson.  Could all these guys possibly gel together in a love letter to Sergio Corbucci?  But everything fits.  The good, the bad, the weird, the ugly, the seriously  f'd up.  Sure, you're gonna wince but only in the places the man wants you to wince.  Part of me thinks it's still too early to make this declaration, but after a couple viewings of Django, I think it might be his greatest achievement.

Best Leading Male Performance - Liam Neeson (The Grey):  If you've read more than three or four posts from this blog than you know we here at ITMOD are crazy for Neeson.  And in particular we are crazy for old man killing machine Neeson.  Films like Taken, The A Team, Unknown, Taken 2 = Grizzled Gospel.  And I was as pumped as the next movie maniac to see Lee Marvin Neeson bottle punch the hell outta a pack of shark wolves.  But that's not what we got.  Instead we get heaps of introspective narration, furrowed brows, and an epic internal battle for survival equal to the external struggle.  And Neeson owns the heartbreak as well as the ferocity.

Best Leading Female Performance - Quvenzhane Wallis (Beasts of the Southern Wild):  Was it me, or was 2012 an absolutely horrible year for female roles?  Maybe I'm just not watching the right movies, but as far as I could tell there was only one option for this category and it was six year old Quvenzhane Wallis.  Narrowly missing my Top Ten films of 2012, Beasts of the Southern Wild centers on the ferocious performance of its young lead; a child enraptured by the wonders and terrors of her environment.  And only at the age of six could an actor give such an honest portrayal of excitement, fear, sadness, and joy.  When she shows her father that she's capable of "Beasting It," it feels like a genuine accomplishment.  Beasts of the Southern Wild is a mesmerizing fantasy - Mad Max's Where The Wild Things Are.

Best Supporting Male Performance - Leonardo DiCaprio (Django Unchained):  Was there an uglier character portrayed on film this year?  Hmmmm...well, Sam Jackson's Stephen might be the only other contender.  Although part of the appeal of Leo's plantation monster is that we've never seen anything as loathsome from the Titanic star before.  He's been stretching his muscles of late with his Scorsese marathoning and the broken hearted Cobb, but Calvin Candie really is a horse of a different color.  And that color is "Let's Beat The Living Crap Outta Him Before He Gets Us."  But Leo gives the beast a few glimpses of weakness - there's that sad-child fireside conversation with Stephen and his creepy pecking kisses with his sister; DiCaprio never lets the veil of Master slip for long, but when he does its bitterly telling and its those lapses that only strengthen Candie's threat of violence.  So maybe it's time to stop referring to him as the "Titanic star."

Best Supporting Female Performance - Charlize Theron (Snow White and the Huntsman):  Ok.  So I can't really say I loved this film, or even liked it...but I did enjoy the crazybrains hell outta Charlize Theron's ridiculously affected mad bitch queen.  From her bonkers villain voice to her wailing screams of contemptuous hatred for Kirsten Stewart...um, I mean Snow White.  Of course, Theron's placement here definitely benefits from the crappy year for lady parts, but I also really did appreciate the joy that Theron is obviously having at playing such a cartoon.  Too bad the rest of the cast wasn't in on the joke.

Best Poster - The Dark Knight Rises:  Midnight release IMAX posters were all the rage this year.  John Carter, The Amazing Spider-Man, Skyfall.  IMAX pulled out all the stops for these little one sheets, but my absolute favorite was Tom Hardy's big ugly mug print.  And as an added bonus, we get a little Batman cowl Olly Mossed into Bane's brow.  Creepy, moody, and celestially gigantic.

Best Mimic - Josh Brolin (Men In Black III):  By the time of its release I don't think anyone really cared about another Men In Black sequel.  I most certainly did not.  And as a film it was serviceable.  Popcorn.  Chow it down, forget it.  But what I haven't been able to dismiss this year was yet another badass Josh Brolin performance.  Similar to what Karl Urban did in 2009's Star Trek, Brolin nearly possessed the spirit of his subject - Tommy Lee Jones.  He's so dang good in the movie that when Jones is absent for nearly the entirety of the flick you barely even notice cuz he's talking right outta Brolin's mouth.  Truly remarkable.

Best Bilbo - W.N. Bilbo (James Spader):  Sorry Martin Freeman.  You're a perfectly fine Hobbit, but you're trapped in a been-there-done-that franchise lacking the shine (as well as the grandeur) of the original Rings trilogy.  And frankly, James Spader is just too damn charming as the swarthy political hitman hamming his way to the right votes.  He's probably the most cartoonish character in Spielberg's oscar bait but he brings some much needed levity to Congress' high stakes poker game.

Quote of the Year - "Fuck You Science!" (21 Jump Street):  Here was another shock of 2012.  That god awful looking 21 Jump Street remake was actually pretty damn funny.  Channing Tatum & Jonah Hill are a couple of nimrod buddy cops atempting to navigate the bizzaro world of modern day high schoolers - not just jocks, nerds, and goths anymore.  And I found myself shocked at how much I related to their plight, this ain't Kansas anymore Toto.  But where 21 Jump Street won me was during Tatum's drug freakout, and his all out assault on the chemistry whiteboard.  And this beautiful quote led to the next Dorkie...

The "Hey, I Don't Hate Your Guts Anymore!" Award - Channing Tatum:  2009.  GI Joe Rise of Cobra.  One of my most hated summer blockbuster atrocities ever.  That hate quickly bled over to its loathsome meathead lead.  And for a couple of years I kept precious guard on that hate.  But a funny thing started to happen in January of this year.  First, I really enjoyed Steven Soderbergh's jazzy actioner Haywire, and Channing Tatum had a solid, if small role in that film.  Then Matt & I did that gutbusting double feature of Casa Di Me Padre & 21 Jump Street.  Twenty minutes into the second film and I was rollicking with laughter, most of it caused by People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive.  And then the next thing I know I'm streaming Tatum's personal stripper odyssey, Magic Mike...AND really enjoying the heck outta the Frankenstein monster parallels.  So, like Tom Cruise and Nicolas Cage before him, Channing Tatum moves into that weird category of actor I once hated but now adore.  Can't wait for GI Joe 2.

DVD/Blu Ray Release of the Year - Johnny Guitar:  Yep, yep, yep.  There were a lot of brilliant home releases scrabbling for your dollars this year.  Criterion unleashed the glory of Godzilla.  Universal spent top dollar on its astounding JAWS transfer.  Shout Factory unveiled Scream Factory and gifted the world with the miracle that is the Halloween III Special Edition.  But the discovery that impressed me the most was this gorgeous Western melodrama released late this summer from Olive Films.  Despite some serious prodding from fellow film geeks over the years, I had never before seen this brooding gem.  Joan Crawford stars as a saloon owner who refuses to be bullied outta town by the local land baron royalty.  In walks Sterling Hayden's guitar strumming stranger to champion her stubborn cause.  But this is Joan's movie.  And she's burning rage.  One of the most unique entries in the genre.

THE BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENTS OF THE YEAR!

5.  Brave - This is not a bad movie.  It's a good movie.  It's just not the great movie I was hoping, - expecting from Pixar.  Brave had one of the most stirring trailers of 2011 and it promised a rising adventure involving a rebellious lass and a quest to slay a tyrannical monster bear.   In actuality, it's less about a girl discovering womanhood through manly man-man swordplay and more about a daughter learning to understand her mother's worries and vice versa.  Meh.  Not bad.  But I wanted the kickass myth maker.

4.  The Amazing Spider-Man - What a bunch of drivel.  I kinda liked it in the theater, but watching it on the small screen, I pretty much hated this needless reboot.  Andrew Garfield coulda been a decent Spidey, he definitely plays the jackass wisecracker under the hood pretty well.  And Emma Stone is a decent enough Gwen Stacey to idolize.  But despite the appearance of chemistry, there is none.  It's just awkward stumbles with the occasional "ums" and "ahs."  No real dialog is ever exchanged between them.  The film promises an untold story, but despite hints of Parker family tragedy it's all tease and no payoff.  Just more CGI jumpy hoppy effects and a whole lotta snore set pieces.  And for those trying to tell me this is better or grittier than the Sam Raimi stuff, I remind you of those ridiculous New Yorker Construction Cranes and the absolute goofballness of C Thomas Howell.

3.  The FP - I had high hopes for this Alamo Drafthouse release.  I was completely giddy over the idea that a post-apocalyptic society would fight its gang wars using Dance Dance Revolution cage matches. The trailer had that whole "So Bad It's Good" thing going for it.  Well, it turns out it was just bad.  And not even that bad.  Just kinda crappy forgettable.  Oh well.

2.  Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance - Ah, if you were reading this blog earlier in the year than you found two Dorks obsessed with the idea of the Crank brothers directing Nicolas Cage's Johnny Blaze.  I mean, just think of the levels of insanity you could have gotten from the guys who imagined Chev Chelios' gangland massacre marathon?  Instead, we get a fairly predictable entry in super (anti-)hero cinema.  There are flairs of whacko creativity and some amazing rollerblade camera work, but there's none of that zealous Crank antagonism.  It's just bland.

1.  Prometheus - No other film in 2012 crushed my spirits quite like Ridley Scott's Alien prequel.  While attending my first San Diego Comic Con in 2011, I went Beatles fangirl squeel crazy at the footage they unraveled in Hall H.  It was beautiful, enticing, and seemingly totally in the spirit of the 1979 original.  Sitting in the theater, finally witnessing the atrocity on the big screen, I finally realized the illusion of Hall H.  Everything shown there looks amazing.  But it's a magic show, just like regular run-of-the-mill trailers can be.  In actuality, Prometheus is an absolutely gorgeous science-fiction spectacle with an equally, unbelievably dumb script.  The characters are shallow.  The ideas seemingly epic, but actually teeny tiny.  It's all questions, questions, questions and no answers, just a shoulder shrug.

THE WORST FILMS OF THE YEAR!

5.  Underworld: Awakening - The first film I saw in 2012 turned out to be one of the dullest.  The fourth entry in the Underworld franchise (I cannot believe there are four of these things, people like me really need to stop showing up for this garbage) is also its most forgettable.  And that's saying a lot considering I only remember three or four minutes from the third film's prequel.

4.  The Hunger Games - So let me get this straight?  The most beautiful girl in all of the post-apocalypse is loved by all the boys, and worshiped by all the population cuz she's also the greatest warrior in all of reality television.  She gets dropped onto murder world and kicks ass almost immediately after a little narrative stalling.  Snooze.  I'm not gonna drone on about Battle Royale, The Running Man, or Lord of the Flies.  That argument is moot because this is too blah to matter.

3.  Battleship - If they had shaved off an hour from this bloated blockfizzler than maybe, just maybe, Battleship might have been one of those So Bad It's Good flicks.  As is, all the "Chicken Burrito Her" dialog in the world couldn't save this abysmal dreck from the bottom of the ocean. With this, John Carter, and Savages (and let's not forget X-Men Origins - Wolverine!) Taylor Kitsch has proven himself to be a cure for quality - add only when you want the stench of failure.

2.  The Raven - Sooooooooooooo Boooooooooooring.  I love the idea of Edgar Allen Poe galavanting about Baltimore solving crimes inspired by his works of horror, but this high concept is dead upon arrival.  John Cusack screams his way through his performance, while director James McTeigue struggles with the tired plot's murderous pacing.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you want a deliciously meta take on Mister Poe than you really have to track down Stuart Gordon's Masters of Horror episode, The Black Cat.

1.  Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 - Now I know I deserve the punishment of watching this film because I've paid for every theatrical Twilight experience since the beginning.  So whatever vitriol I spew towards it or towards the society that accepts them as actual entertainment needs to be taken with as much respect as you would offer a peanut butter spackling crazy person.  I hated this movie.  I hated it more than the last film, and more than the third film, but not as much as the second or the first.  Sigh.  That last sentence makes my brain hurt.  There is a lot of talent behind this latest abomination (from its screenwriter to its director to its cinematographer and composer), but you sure wouldn't know it cuz Breaking Dawn Part 2 feels like the accomplishment of third rate nincompoop.  Of course what could possibly have been produced from Stephanie Meyers books?  You can shine a piece of shit all day long, but when the sun sets its still a piece of shit.  The real worry behind these films is how damn popular they are; they make me fear the future.  Of course, that might be a touch melodramatic.

THE ACTOR OF THE YEAR!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt:  Another year, another child actor done good.  His role of the year was easily that of the young Bruce Willis in Looper, but he also excelled in the 80s handicapped, brakes-are-death radical adventure of Premium Rush as well the hero worship sidekick of The Dark Knight Rises, and as little boy Lincoln.  His career has been building and building these last few years, but it feels like Looper is the first real grip on mega celebrity stardom.  2013 marks his directorial debut with Don Jon's Addiction, and I'm greatly looking forward to this next phase of his career.

The Most Anticipated Film of 2013 - Pacific Rim:  After stops and starts on The Hobbit and At The Mountains of Madness, Guillermo Del Toro is finally stepping behind the camera.  It's been a long five year absence, and his last film, Hellboy 2, was a movie that troubled me greatly.  But GDT has made some of my all time favorite films - The Devil's Backbone, Cronos, Pan's Labryinth, and Blade 2 - the idea of him tackling an honest-to-goodness kaiju vs giant robots flick?  That is miraculously geeky to me.  And it's possible for this not to suck - for it not to be Robot Jox cuz we live in a world where The Avengers kicked ass.  So despite a year that's going to produce Star Trek Into Darkness, Iron Man 3, Man of Steel, Elysium, Ender's Game, Only God Forgives, The World's End, and The Smurfs 2, Pacific Rim is the film I'm craving to see the most.  Fingers crossed, and I'll see you at the movie house.

--Brad

Brad's Two Weeks In Dork! (12/2/12-12/15/12)

Long time no write.  Due to some technical difficulties (and a little laziness) I've been dragging ass with this blog of late.  But never fear, as 2012 comes to a close, and the mad dash to witness as many "new" movies as possible consumes my every waking moment we're closing this year with some pretty epic dorkery.  These past two weeks saw the blu ray release of The Dark Knight Rises, the return of Mike Mignola to Hellboy, the latest Nic Cage travesty, the horrors of The Life of Pi, the Star Trek Into Darkness prologue, and the snotty comedy of The Hobbit.  But through it all I was simply just counting down the days till Christmas -- not capture Jolly Saint Nick, but to finally bask in the macaroni violence of Quentin Tarantino's Django Unchained.

And in prep for Django, The Wife & I continued our way through the Tarantino XX box set.  It's definitely frustrating that this set doesn't really offer anything new for the die hard fans (other than the kickass box art), but I really have been enjoying Elvis Mitchell's critics round table on the first bonus disc.  I can listen to that man all day long (everyone should be subscribed to his Treatment podcast) even when his "right" opinions must contend with the very "wrong" opinions of Stephanie Zacharek.  Seriously, what's she even doing in this discussion?

However...possibly the most anxiously anticipated movie this week was...

Magic Mike:  For a man threatening to retire, director Steven Soderbergh sure is cranking out a whole helluva lotta movies.  And I've been eating them up.  The Informant!  Contagion.  Haywire.  Loved 'em all.  But what could he possibly do with a Channing Tatum stripper movie?  The meathead from that cinematic war crime known as GI Joe - The Rise of Cobra.  The block of wood that stumbled throughout the ancient travesty of The Eagle.  That adorable dolt from the shockingly funny 21 Jump Street remake.  Ya know what, he's absolutely charming as Magic Mike.  His struggling entrepreneur/busta-move-male-stripper is rather captivating, even when the film kinda just meanders its way through the narrative.  I like the idea of Tatum as Dr. Frankenstein to Alex Pettyfer's Rippling Abs Monster, and I wish their story went a heckuva lot darker than it ultimately does, but that also might be due to the fact that I want 99% of all stories to descend into bloodshed.  I don't know, I just think there was potentially a really demented noir buried beneath the heart of this Tampa melodrama.  As is, Magic Mike is a solid whacky stripper flick that also happens to contain the best use of foreground penis in movie magic history.  And Matthew McConaughey is always welcome - especially when he's in smiley asshole mode.

The Dark Knight Rises:  Forget the haters, I love this movie.  ** MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD **  I love Tom Hardy.  I love Bane's bobble head voice.  I love the epic sweeping swathes of rioting extras.  I love Anne Hathaway's sneering Catwoman.  I love Gary Oldman's broken commissioner.  I love Joseph Gordon-Levitt's too-good beat cop.  And I love, love, love this film as Bruce Wayne's swan song.  No matter how you interpret the ending (really shitty editing choices ruin what could have been a rather fantastic Inception climax) but you can't ignore Bruce Wayne's retirement and the rise of Batman.  The first film is Bruce Wayne's movie.  The second film depicts the price of Batman.  And the third film represents the ideal of Batman, and it brings a fitting conclusion to the story of Bruce Wayne & Gotham.  Sure, the saga could go on and Hollywood will force it to continue, but I would really hope that Warner Brothers leaves this incarnation of The Dark Knight alone.  It's my favorite film trilogy (you heard me, Star Wars & Dr. Jones fans) and even though there are minor quips and quibbles along the way Christopher Nolan has delivered an epic that this Bat Fan will always be thankful for.

All New X-Men #3:  My interest dips a little with this issue.  Focusing mostly on the modern day Cyclops' troubled soul and his collecting of All New Mutants, this issue offers very little in terms of the time travel high concept.  Scott's struggling with his new position as revolution leader.  Emma Frost is just as pissy as ever.  But the last page promises a tragic confrontation in the next issue.  Old vs. New - that's what really excited me about this book.  Let's get on with it.

Avengers #1:  Benids' reign on The Avengers has come to an end.  Now it's Jonathan Hickman's turn.  And it's ok.  Captain America leads the movie cast (Iron Man, Thor, Hulk, Hawkeye, Black Widow) to Mars where they encounter the golden god zealot Ex Nihlo & his rather lame cronies.  The Avengers get their ass handed to them and Cap retreats to Earth to gather more Avengers.  We get promises of Wolverine, Cannonball, Hyperion, and a bunch of other cats I don't really give a crap about.  I'm on the wait and see list as far as this Marvel Now book is but what there is no denying is the utter beauty of Jerome Opena's art.  There are panels in this book that I would love to rip out and frame on my wall.  A few more issues of this and he might ascend to one of my all time favorite artists.  Seriously, there is a shot of The Hulk charging the Martian landscape that knocked my jaw to the floor.  Fantastic.

Daredevil - End of Days #3:  Ben Urich continues his investigation into Matt Murdoch's final words, but we don't get much closer to Rosebud.  What we do encounter is a whole mess load of illegitimate children.  I mean, is there a single woman in the Marvel Universe that Daredevil didn't sleep with?  I'm definitely enjoying this book, but it's not the must-read that Bendis' Daredevil run once was.

Deadpool #3:  Is it just me?  Am I the only one of the planet that doesn't get Deadpool?  I can appreciate a good joke book as much as the next guy, but it just feels like Posehn & Duggan are trying to damn hard to earn my laughter.  Deadpool and Dr. Strange have a little mini team up in an attempt to get to the bottom of this Zombie President Plague, but other than a couple of chuckles I can't really say I'm enjoying this book.  Than why on Earth am I still reading it?  Cuz I want to love a book in which Tricky Dick Nixon beats the living hell out of a goofy ass Wolverine wannabe.  And Abe Lincoln is coming.  That's gotta be awesome right?  Just see Matt's review of Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies.

Iron Man #3:  It's Iron Man vs. The Living Laser!  As well as a bunch of other losers from ol' Shell Head's lame ass rogues gallery.  As Tony Stark works his way through the Extremis knock-offs, I grow rather tired of Gillen's one & done story telling.  And I'm definitely already sick of Greg Land's tired artistry.  I know the rest of the Internet is already screaming this, but EVERYONE LOOKS THE SAME!!!!!!  And Gillen's Tony is just a subpar interpretation of Robert Downey Jr's wise arse playboy.  Iron Man is easily one of the big disappointments from Marvel Now.

Thunderbolts #1:  This I enjoyed.  Much more than I thought I was going to anyway.  George "Thunderbolt" Ross aka The Red Hulk begins to recruit the most popular anti-heroes in the Marvel Universe for a purpose not quite understood.  This appears to have very little to do with previous incarnations of this super villian team, but I'm rather thrilled to see artist Steve Dillon take on these extreme hard cases.  The last page depicting Red Hulk & The Punisher mowing their way through a warehouse full of mobsters.  This really should be a MAX book, but its just gory enough to be entertaining in an exploitation kinda way.

Hawkeye #5:  Not as clever or fun as The Tape Part 1, but Matt Fraction continues to writer one of the most charming books in comics.  Clint & Kate bash their way through the Marvel Underworld and they do so in absolute style.  I will say that the The Tape's revelations are a little disappointing, but I really appreciate how this book doesn't shy away from all that Avengers shenanigans where it so easily could be a book that lives in its own little world.

Detective Comics #15:  This really is the weakest tie-in to The Death of the Family storyline, but that doesn't matter cuz it also happens to be one of the best Clayface stories ever concocted.  The poor bastard.  Even the mud man can't escape the diabolical wiles of eco slut Poison Ivy.  You really do feel sorry for the dope.  Especially when Batman shows up wearing his new Anti-Clayface armor.  Good ol' Bruce Wayne, he's got a suit of armor for every situation...I mean, toy line.

Hellboy in Hell #1:  Here it is.  Possibly the most anticipated event of 2012.  And I've buried it smack dab in the middle of my week.  Ok.  It's not a life changing single issue.  But that's just it...it's just a single issue.  My enthusiasm for this character is not going to live or die on Hellboy in Hell #1.  Don't get me wrong, it's a solid comic.  But it's just not the epic exclamation that I was expecting.  This is a starter issue, a toe's dip in the water of the obvious epic that's naturally ahead.  Hellboy awakens in his motherland and Sir Edward Grey meets him in the abyss.  There's a good punch up with the order of the fly, and a mess load of creepy crawlies.  I honestly don't know where Mignola is taking us with this book, and frankly, I'm nervous at the notion that he seems only interested in telling small arcs for the foreseeable future.  And I miss Hellboy's red flesh.  This muted, brown color is depressing.  But I guess that's the point.  And I cannot wait for the second issue.  And the third, the fourth, and every singe issue until Mike Mignola drops dead and stops gifting this world with Hellboy.

Invincible #98:  Phew.  I'm all caught up and back on single issue comics.  This is the beginning of "The Death of Everyone" arc and I'm honestly surprised to think that Robert Kirkman might actually deliver on that painful statement.  Mark Grayson vs. Dinosaurus.  He's already destroyed Las Vegas.  But his next target would make Galactus smile from ear to ear.  Kirkman proves nearly every issue that Invincible is not the place you want to be if you want to stay safe and warm - nope, it's a book you read if you love to see your favorite characters punched to the brink of death time and time again.  No other super hero book brutalizes its players quite like Invincible.  And I'm afraid no one is going to survive this latest story arc.  I'm telling you, issue #101 is going to unravel this saga off world.

Shadowman #2:  More grisly Voodoo fun.  Jack learns a little about the Shadowman mantle while duking it out with the goons of the demonic Mr. Twist.  Not sure what I think of this book yet, but I dig the concept or at the very least, Patrick Zircher's monster drawings.  There are not a lot of successful super hero horror comics, so here's hoping that I eventually enjoy this book in the same fashion I'm enjoying nearly all of Valiant's reboots.

Stumptown #4:  Greg Rucka's missing guitar P.I. book comes to a close and I'll never think about it again.  A real bummer.  I'm always looking for a good crime book and I've enjoyed Rucka's stuff in the past, but this failed to excite.  Stumptown is just far too ordinary to be memorable.  Honestly, I find even writing these few words on the book to be rather vexing as I don't remember anything remarkable about it at all.  Asshole musicians.  Neo Nazi drug dealers.  A car chase.  Snooze.

Pulp Fiction:  Each time I watch Pulp Fiction I tend to fixate on a different character.  The first time I saw the film I gravitated towards Sam Jackson's religiously challenged hitman Jules.  After all, he's easily the most badass character in tale with his Ezekiel speeches and brain detail sarcasm.  The last time I watched Pulp Fiction, I was entranced by John Travolta's sadsack dope fiend.  He's as cool as ice, but he's also just an insecure loser that meets his end after an unceremonious dump - not to forget it's his clumsy trigger finger that ignites Jules' frustration with brain detail.  This time, however, Pulp Fiction was all about Bruce Willis' punching bag.  His is the film noir tale of hard boiled knocks.  The attempt to get out on top, while fighting impenetrable odds in the form of Ving Rhames' gangsta godfather and...gulp...those boys with The Gimp.  Butch is the role you'd love to see William Holden sink into, or better yet, Burt Lancaster.  And Bruce Willis nails the tough guy exterior and somehow manages to survive with his body parts in tact and the girl on the back of his chopper.

Killing Them Softly:  Ugly.  That's the word.  Downright gross and ugly.  There's been a lot of to do made of its economic crisis philosophizing, but I didn't find the bar room broadcasts distracting or out of tone with the rest of the picture.  Was it a little pretentious?  Yeah.  But not enough to distract from all the greatness to be found in this wicked little picture.  Brad Pitt's businessman killer might seem like the center of the movie, but it's Scott McNairy & Ben Mendelsohn's show as the couple of dim bulb nitwits that hijack Ray Liotta's card game.  Mendelsohn (saw earlier this week in The Dark Knight Rises as the slithery corporate scumbag John Daggett) is AWESOMELY dirty and sweaty - he's all lips and spittle as he plods towards self destruction.  Watching this dumb bastard navigate the crime world of Killing Them Softly is the true delight of the film.  He's a monster.  A dumb, dumb, dumb monster who brings devastation to all those that cross his path.  And in a lot of ways this feels like the latest adaptation of Richard Stark's Parker series (much more so than this upcoming Jason Statham monstrosity), a world where crimes are just another means to a monetary end.  So yeah, Obama vs Bush tv coverage rams the point home a little too bluntly but I don't really disagree with its position.  And James Gandolfini gets my saddest sadsack of the year award.  Death to his whoring, drunk killer would be a warm release.

Life of Pi:  This one left me scratching my head.  Cuz I pretty much hated everything about it.  And I really can't go into why I hated it so much without crapping all over the ending.  I was somewhat on board in the beginning when young Pi is searching for meaning in various religions while butting heads against his father's passion for reason.  Then there's the shipwreck.  And an hour or so of boring tiger struggle, a trip to a carnivorous island, and the cheapest trick ending I've experienced since a half dozen lameass M. Night Shyamalan "What A Twist!" endings.  And what does that ending mean?  Do we find God?  We definitely don't find religion.  What we find is a sucker.  A sad man who can't deal with the horrors of his reality.  Infuriating.  And all this hubbub over how pretty the spectacle of it all is...I give it a big meh.  There's not one computer generated frame found here that's worth a pixel of the beauty crafted by Roger Deakins in Skyfall.  Ang Lee, I've been one of your greatest defenders - heck, I'm the guy that loved HULK - but you completely lost me with this pompous pap.

Stolen:  It's been a rough year for Nicolas Cage fans.  As much as I wanted to enjoy Ghost Rider 2 even I have to admit that it was not nearly as batshit crazy as I was expecting from those mad bastard Crank brothers.  And Seeking Justice, his previous direct-to-dvd nonsense, offered little more than a few painful winces of embarrassment.  So what of Stolen?  You have my permission to forget it.  I know I already have.  Well, I do remember Josh Lucas' whole hearted attempt to Out Cage Nicolas Cage as the one legged evil taxi driver ranting and raving about Picasso.  There's a few chuckles for you.  But nothing else.  Here's hoping Nic finds a few more Bad Lieutenants and Drive Angrys in 2013 and a whole lot less of Stolens.

Jackie Brown:  It might not have the flash of Pulp Fiction or the bloody cool butchery of Kill Bill, but Jackie Brown is still withoutadoubt my favorite Tarantino flick.  The dialog ingenuity of both QT and Elmore Leonard collide and the result is a crackerjack script that can't be beat.  In a year where you have to turn over every single stone on the planet just to find a half decent Supporting Actress performance let alone a Leading Performance, Pam Grier is a revelation as The Woman at the center of this crime caper.  She's strong, brutal, cool as a cucumber, vulnerable, and sexy.  On the other side of the picture you've got Sam Jackson's walking nightmare, Ordell Robbie.  He's got the slick cool of Pulp Fiction's Jules as well as a tinge of scary ass villainy.  He's a gun running thug who only looks badass cuz he's got an even dumpier dope tagging along - Robert De Niro in his last great performance.  Then you've got Robert Forester's Max Cherry.  He's the coolest dude in the film cuz he's so darn collected. A good guy who gets to taste a little danger without destroying his soul.  The unrequited romance between Max and Jackie is right up there with Rick & Ilsa.  Bold words.  But I believe them.

The Avengers - Children's Crusade:  Read this for The Wife's book club.  Can't say I enjoyed it.  Which is a little bit of a bummer since I rather enjoyed Allen Heinberg & Jim Cheung's previous Young Avengers books.  But in Children's Crusade there are just too many characters from across the Marvel globe shoved into this conflict for some inexplicable reason.  It actually plays out like a precursor for Marvel's latest catastrophe - Avengers vs X-Men.  When Wiccan travels to Wundagore Mountain in search of his soul mother, The Scarlet Witch he encounters the wretched planning of Dr. Doom as well as Magneto, Quicksilver, Kang the Conqueror and the true villain of all mainstream comics - Retcon.  Honestly, of the six or seven books we've read so far for the goup, this was my least favorite.  Yep, that's right.  Get Jiro was better.

The above badass photo indicates the break between the two weeks.  I don't have anything wise or profound to say at this point, I was just looking for an excuse to post this most amazing photo of Big Boy's gang from Dick Tracy.  The blu ray was released this week and despite its complete lack of special features (seriously, not even a trailer) it's still one of the most amazing releases of the year.  Dick Tracy was made for 1080p.  It's beautiful and was the absolute highlight of my second week.  Sorry Hobbit.

Expendables 2:  The Expendable films are not what I want them to be - serious, blood drenched explosions of Hollywood masculinity that refuse to wink at the audience even when they're taking the piss outta the glorious genre born and bred in the 1980s.  That being said, they're still whole heaps of goofy fun.  The film never quite matches the joy of its opening with Sly and the Family Stone storming the castle to free a hooded Arnold Schwarzenegger, but there are still hints of giddy glee peppered throughout.  Dolph Lundgren's Frankenstein monster.  Chuck Norris' Morricone entrance.  Jason Statham's "I now pronounce you man and knife."  But I wish the film took the genre if not itself a little more seriously.

Kill Bill Vol. 1:  I still remember the first time I saw the trailer for Kill Bill ahead of Gangs of New York.  It absolutely floored me.  It looked nothing like Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, or Jackie Brown.  And I was right.  Kill Bill Vol. 1 is the start of a new era in Tarantino - the curtain is torn down, long live Grindhouse Nostalgia!  And I love every second of this bloody rampage of revenge.  Uma Thurman gets her role of a lifetime as The Bride, the angry psycho killer karate chopping her way through an army of goons just to taste some cold Klingon vengeance.  There is nothing cooler than her blood drenched assault on the House of Blue Leaves, and as you spend nearly half the film watching her slice and dice these masked hoodlums you cannot help but get caught up in the pleasure of violence.  And then you've got Tarantino's pornographic ear for reimagining iconic film scores to fit his needs - screw you Death Rides A Horse, I'll show you what to do with Ennio Morricone!  This is Love Letter cinema as high pop art.

Journey 2 The Mysterious Island:  I'm not going to lie.  This movie makes me giggle.  And it's further proof that if you stick The Rock into your sequel he can make any franchise totally awesome.  He's fixed The Fast & The Furious, this kiddie fare, and I cannot wait to see how he helps out GI Joe next year.  The man is just so darn charming.  And when you partner him up with the Adam Sandler comedy of Luis Guzman and the treacherous old man humor of Michael Caine, the result is simply sublime.  Plus, he rides a bee!!!!!!!  I've always been a sucker for giant animal films, and the original Mysterious Island is my favorite and absolutely under appreciated Ray Harryhausen flick.

Machete:  A lot like The Expendables, Machete is too winky for its own good.  But where else can you got to get Danny Trejo as your top billed actor and Steven Segal as your monstrous Mexican drug lord?  Nowhere.  And I enjoy Machete's winks and nudges a little more than Sly's...well, that's my feeling this week.  It's trying too hard to be cool, but dang it, Jeff Fahey is so delightful in his snidely whiplash mode and Robert De Niro sure seems to be having whole heaps of fun as the racist Texas Congressman.  And let's not forget Introducing Don Johnson.  He's gotta be happy to be back up on the big screen.  My only real complaint is Jessica Alba.  She really knows how to bring a party down with her sack of potatoes acting.  Seriously, some one needs to stop her.

Dick Tracy:  This movie still amazes me.  I've never really cared for Warren Beatty.  I've always found him to be kind of a bore.  But in Dick Tracy he's a tough, hard boiled champion of cool.  And how can you not adore his conviction for the artificial, the massive comic book brows and the beautiful matte painting backdrops.  This is the Wes Anderson of crime fighter flicks and its the highlight of early 90s Disney cinema (and yes, I'm including The Lion King).  Sure, I can take or leave Madonna's Breathless and her Blank revelation is tremendously lame, but Al Pacino, William Forsythe, Ed O'Ross, Mandy Patinkin, Paul Sorvino, RG Armstrong, Henry Silva, Dustin Hoffman - all chewing up the brightly colored scenery.  Everyone's going for broke in this film, and unlike Machete or The Expendables the script never winks at the audience.  This is life and death stuff.  It's weird and goofy, but the stakes are real and the characters treat it as such.

Avengers - Arena #1:  If it hadn't been such a quiet week at the comic shop I never would have bothered with this title.  It's easily the weakest high concept of the Marvel Now books.  Writer Dennis Hopeless takes his Avengers Academy brats and drops them on Arcade's Murder World Island for a fight to the death.  Yeah, right?  The Hunger Games by way of Battle Royale by way of The Running Man by way of Lord of the Flies by way of who gives a crap?  But ya know what?  I actually kinda enjoyed it.  It's got Darkhawk after all and he's cool, right?  Wait, is that my 90s kid brain talking?  I think it is.  Not sure if I'll continue with this book but it definitely passed the time in an enjoyable fashion.

Cable and X-Force #1:  And speaking of book I normally wouldn't have purchased, it's another Dennis Hopeless book in which I don't give a darn about any of the core characters.  I mean, there's a kernel of an interesting father/daughter story with Cable & Hope Summers but its still got a nasty taste of AVX to it for me to be properly engaged.  And the Cable has a brain tumor or whatever subplot is a little annoying.  If I get the second issue, I'll be surprised.

Fantastic Four #2:  Hey look, it's an actual Marvel Now book I enjoy!  Reed Richards is still hiding his cellular degeneration from his family, and gathering the ingredients for the new FF.  Along the way we get a rather amazing cameo from Marvel's past - Devil Dinosaur & Moon Boy!!!  Too cool.  Matt Fraction has been kicking butt on the humor front with books like Hawkguy and that signature smile is present here, but I'm looking forward to Marvel's First Family taking their dimensional vacation and for the plot to thicken.  Cosmic Adventure Ahoy!

Iron Man #4:  Still not loving this book but I'm also still buying it.  However, I gotta admit that I actually enjoyed this issue.  Tony Stark's still hunting for Extremis freaks and this month that quest takes him to the catacombs beneath Paris.  There he encounters vampires.  Kinda.  Tony Stark's technology vs. creepy crawly supernatural monsters.  This is old world Iron Man comics here and I dig that.  Plus, who doesn't love Stark's gargantuan War Machine suits.

Winter Soldier #13:  Just end already.  You were beautiful once, but that time has long past.  Bucky Barnes is back under the roof of S.H.I.E.L.D but he seems no closer to rescuing Natasha after a bad bout with Daredevil and a minor scrape with Wolverine.  And then Captain America drops by for a gust spot.  I can't believe how frustrating this series has become.  I know I've said this before but Brubaker's Bucky/Cap stories used to be so damn amazing, and this feels like something workshopped by a completely different human.

Batman #15:  Three issues into Snyder's Death of the Family story arc and I'm not yet convinced this is the greatest thing to ever happen to comics.  Sure, Greg Capullo's Joker Leatherface is creepy as hell and he gives me a serious case of the heebie jeebies but I have yet to be wowed by the horror perpetuating Gotham's Vigilante family.  At least not in the way The Court of Owls stuff grabbed my attention.  I hate to admit it, especially with Matt so close by, but this Joker business feels like more of the same.  Still, the backup in this issue offers up a lot of promise and I'm very interested to see what the other inmates of Arkham Asylum have to do in the arc.

Archer & Armstrong #5:  X-O Manowar has had its Ninjak guest star and now Archer & Armstrong gets The Eternal Warrior.  The immortal assassin Gilad attempts to slaughter Archer while Armstrong defends his honor.  This is a basic chase comic as our two heroes attempt to reach The Geomancer before the new misunderstood hero takes them out.  What's a Geomancer?  Doesn't really matter at this point.  It's a chase book with a lot of chuckles.  Archer & Armstrong continues to be my favorite of the Valiant relaunches.

Bloodshot #6:  Bloodshot takes on a batch of cybernetic monstrosities while storming the compound of Project Rising Spirit.  I love the presence of Bloodshot's nanites outside of his body aka "The Kid."  His encounter with Walker is fantastic, but not nearly as fantastic as the appearance of the Twilight Zone monstrosity knows only as Gamma.  She's a beast cracked straight from the horrors of Rod Serling's brain...or more to the point, Joe Dante's brain by way of Rod Serling.

The Creep #4:  Well this turned out to be a bit of a let down.  I really, really enjoyed the 0 issue but from that point on I was never that enthralled with the P.I. case.  When the big mystery is revealed its a little sad, but not that complicated and certainly not surprising.  As I turned the last page I pretty much just shrugged my shoulders and went on with my life.  Not much more to say.  I do dig Jonathan Case's art and I want to see him on more books.  And John Arcudi's work on B.P.R.D. is gang busters.  But The Creep just never had me.

The Collection:  The movies starts out promising.  A disco tech full of lifeless teenage trash is brutally mutilated by a SAW-like contraption lawn mowing its way outta the ceiling.  But once that crew of extras has been reduced to KNB pulp we're left with an annoying collection of no-names and kinda-sortas.  The best of which are Lee Tergesen (of HBO's OZ) and Andre Royo (of HBO's The Wire) but they're playing second banana to Emma Fitzpatrick's boring final girl.  I never saw the original film, but I don't think I missed much.  The Collection is just another slasher film lost in the shuffle.

Hitchcock:  Having suffered through the awkward rapist horror of HBO's Hitchcock flick, The Girl it was rather pleasant to partake in this refreshingly lighthearted exploration of the making of Psycho.  This film is a lark, and it's obvious that Anthony Hopkins is having a blast portraying Hitch on screen.  Sure, Toby Jones' sociopath might have been closer to the truth (or not, who the hell knows?) but what I want from a Hitchcock bio is a good time and a devilish chortle.  The bits where Hopkins breaks the fourth wall a la Alfred Hitchcock Presents or all the Ed Gein sidebars.  This is a light confection, but an affectionate treat for the fanboy.

Savages:  "I have orgasms.  He has war-gasms."  Ugh.  Oliver Stone's latest abomination is another embarrassing mark on a once interesting if not always successful career.  Taylor Kitsch & Aaron Johnson are a couple of vacuous bros attempting to man-up in the drug trade.  But when Benicio Del Toro's slothish enforcer kidnaps their lifeless play thing i.e. Blake Lively all hells breaks loose...and by "hell" I mean the same old typical crime crap you expect from this middle of the road flick.  Salma Hayek appears occasionally to ham it up with her scream acting but fades away, thankfully we've also got John Travolta to screech about.  Yuck.

Kill Bill Vol. 2:  The first volume was all action, but with Volume 2 Kill Bill really lets loose, and struts out the meat of the melodrama.  Michael Madsen's Budd is soooooooo dang sad hole'd up in his Texas trailer tomb, sulking and shrinking from the bombardment of Larry Bishop's hurtful strip club jabs.  But he's still the only jerk in the whole saga to get one up on The Bride, and that makes him kind of a badass.  Then there's the Pai Mei's tutorial flashbacked at us while Kiddo zens her way outta that coffin.  And it's all building towards her final confrontation with her baby's daddy.  It's the perfect send off for David Caradine's career even if he refused to stop making movies for nearly another ten years.  Part 1 might be the more fun of the two, but it's here where the saga reaches its proper epic status.

Star Trek Into Darkness - 8 Minute Prologue:  Much has been made about Benedict Cumberbatch's villain.  Is he Khan?  Is he Gary Mitchell?  Is he really just some Starfleet nimrod named John Harrison?  Frankly, it doesn't matter at this point.  Everything I've seen from this movie has me pumped.  Not to mention that the 2009 film kicked some serious ass despite a serious amount of trepidation on this dork's part.  The 8 Minute preview continues to jab the internet troll community with its Cumberbatch identity questioning, but before Doctor Who's Noel Clarke gets an answer we flash to an unknown planet where Kirk & McCoy are hijinksing it up with some religious primitives.  The set up is very old school Original Series, but the colors of striking and Michael Giacchino's score is riveting.  I don't understand these Trekkies moaning about the underwater Enterprise are simply just missing out on the thrills.  Sure, this is not your Daddy's Star Trek (or even my Star Trek) but the franchise is genuinely benefitting from JJ Abrams' Star Wars worship.  Granted, I hope Into Darkness is more than just another cowboy punch 'em up and Eric Bana's Nero was perfectly fine as a Khan substitute.  Cumberbatch should be his own thing.

The Hobbit:  The fatal flaw in The Hobbit prequel is that it's a Hobbit prequel.  In writing The Hobbit first, JRR Tolkein was discovering the world of Middle Earth; he was building towards the Epic of The Lord of the Rings.  In the cinematic universe by starting out with The Fellowship and working backwards you're immediately taking away the power of the introductory story.  The Hobbit is not The Lord of the Rings.  It's a much smaller story with fewer stakes at play.  And when Peter Jackson decided to split the tiny book into a three part, nine hour epic a lot of padding had to be born.  The result is a bloated kid's story nearly reaching three hours and peppered with various orc decapitations.  Sure, a lighter tone for the whole family but I'm not really sure who this film is going to ultimately satisfy.  It's not bad.  But it's certainly not great.  Martin Freeman does a fine job imitating Ian Holm's Bilbo.  Andy Serkis is still stunning as Gollum.  The riddles in the dark set piece is easily the film's highlight.  And I did see the flick in the new fancy schmancy 48 frames per second.  It was extremely distracting for the first fifteen minutes, but after a while I got used to it.  Not sure I'm a member of the HFR converted, but I enjoyed the experience of trying something new.

--Brad