Matt’s Week in Dork! (8/18/13-8/24/13)

    Danged busy this week.  Danged busy.  I hardly had any time at home.  Sunday morning was spent trying to wake up after the insanity of ShatAttack VI.  Got home and I was less than with it.

Sullivan’s Travels:  To say the least, this is a zany comedy.  A wealthy Hollywood writer decides he needs some authenticity for his film about the common man, so he has to go live among them.  Cue total madness.  As Sullivan goes through a series of strange adventures, he begins to see the world in a new way.  And when things get really, really bad, he comes to see a truth he’d never have imagined.  Veronica Lake is charmingly sweet as the failed actress turned vagabond companion.

Kick-Ass 2:  I don’t even know where to begin.  I enjoyed the heck out of Kick-Ass, but this film fails in nearly every way you can think of.  The script is laughably bad.  The delivery of the lines almost uniformly terrible.  The score and soundtrack are excruciating.  And the cinematography and special effects are bargain-basement.  Every bit of charm and fun the first film had is nowhere to be seen in this train wreck.  Every ounce of emotion is false in the extreme, with every dramatic moment hitting without any of the needed build-up.  The movie reflects well on everyone who had nothing to do with it.  My hat’s off to them.  To every last person who didn’t work on this movie.

Bullet to the Head:  Walter Hill strikes back.  He’s old and he’s lost much of his magic.  There’s nothing especially wrong with the film, I guess.  It’s just not very interesting.  Just kind of blah.

    On Thursday night, friend Paul and I headed out to the Alamo Drafthouse to watch the ‘Cornetto Trilogy.’  Had a ton of fun.  Soooooo much popcorn.  Brad, Lisa, and graphic novel club member Lindsey were also there, and Brad managed to win a signed poster for Shaun of the Dead, which was pretty badass.

Shaun of the Dead:  This movie is so much fun.  And I love that while it manages to be very funny, it’s also a pretty good zombie (enough with the “z” word!) movie.  The cast is excellent, the script tight, and the jokes fast and furious.  There’s some good stuff about love, friendship, family, and growing up.

Hot Fuzz:  The Shaun of the Dead folks returned with this ode to 70s cops & cults movies.  Many of the same cast members return with some new additions to shake things up.  Awesome older actors get some meaty supporting work, too.  It’s funny, violent, and filled with goofed up action.

The World’s End:  The third film in the ‘Cornetto Trilogy’ this film reunites many of the same cast and crew in another weird and funny adventure.  In trying to recapture a moment from their youth, a band of friends confront past mistakes while things in their home town go tits-up.  It’s probably the weakest of the three, but it’s still quite good.

    Friday night was our next meeting of the graphic novel club, where we discussed Fatale.  It was not universally liked, but dang I enjoyed it.  Taps into all my favorite Noir and Lovecraft loves.  Sadly, I had to kind of rush through the three volumes, as I didn’t get them until fairly late, and man, I’ve been a busy bee lately.

The Love Merchant:  Some truly epic bad acting accompanies this not especially interesting sexploitation film from the 60s.  Lots of mod folk dance around and read dialog off cards.  It’s basically Indecent Proposal in black & white.  Probably fun for a group watch, but nothing to seek out.  Oddly little nudity for this sort of film.  But great awful 60s club dancing (the girls are like Peanuts characters).

The Layout:  A dissatisfied young woman is looking for love, but not getting quite what she wants in this Joe Sarno trip.  That’s the start.  From there, a bunch of girls start exploring various forms of sexuality.  There’s a lot of nudity and some kink that is mostly just cute and awkward by today’s standards.  There seem to be a bunch of shots of people looking at the camera, making me think it was a lot of one-take and done shooting.  Lots and lots and lots of fairly normal looking women taking their clothes off.  In the end, it seems that the path toward happiness for all these women is lesbian sex and battery operated massagers.  Probably a third of this film’s runtime was non-graphic masturbation scenes.  That does seem a touch excessive.

    I started watching the show Orphan Black…which hasn’t impressed me at all.  I’m not sure if I’m going to keep going with it.  So far, it just seems like another knock-off of Dark Angel/Alias/Dollhouse.  And it hasn’t got anything to make it stand out.  Plus, it has the sassy gay friend, a character archetype that seems to have replaced the sassy black friend, which had replaced the sassy fat friend, which had replaced the sassy dark haired friend.  The sassy friend is a terrible archetype.

    That’s about it.  I got a bit of time to relax and finally sleep on Saturday.  But it looks like the next several weeks are going to be super busy again.  What’s up with that?

-Matt

Matt’s Week in Dork! (8/11/13-8/18/13)

    A slow start finished big this week, with the ever amazing William Shatner.

Zardoz:  Certainly, Zardoz is not to everyone’s taste.  Possibly because it’s completely bonkers, features some surreally strange acting, wildly improbably turns of event, and Sean Connery running around in red swim-trunks bringing the gift of death to spaced-out psychic flower children while a bit of the ol’ Ludwig Van plays.  Zardoz is a 70s dystopian nightmare unlike any other.  The closest thing I could compare it to are a lot of those ultra-trippy sci-fi shows coming out in the UK at the time, of which Doctor Who was probably the most mainstream and easy to follow.

The Showoff: A borish oaf treats everyone like crap and can’t tell the truth.  Things go from bad to worse, and then they really get pathetic as he blusters his way through life, destroying everyone around him.  The film isn’t all that great, and the main character is bloody awful.  But Louise Brooks is pretty swell as one of the dames.

The Plastic Age:  It’s jocks versus nerds in this pre-sound college comedy that shows little has changed in a hundred years.  Everyone’s got dames and sports on the mind, and they’re all freaking out.  It’s all kinds of goofy, but an interesting look at a long standing subgenre of comedy.  Many of the archetypes are already in place before the first words were spoken.  And of course, it ends with The Big Game.

A Band Called Death:  The trailer for this documentary took hold of my brain.  But, to a degree, it also told the story of the film, so seeing the whole thing is a touch disappointing.  However, the film sizzles with the band’s musical energy.  It is an interesting family story, and of course, a revelation of an unknown band that played Punk before there was Punk.

Escape from New York:  In the crime ridden future of the 1990s, New York City has become the pit of hell everyone thought it was in the late 70s.  Into this comes an anti-hero for the ages, a bitter, gruff, one-eyed bastard who doesn’t much like The Man.  Great action, great score, cool setting, and a great cast of character actors playing colorful roles.  This is one of the coolest films to come out of the 80s.

    We started off ShatAttack with a couple episodes of Thriller (The Grim Reaper & The Hungry Glass.  Both are quite good, with Shatner getting to play both perp and victim.  Up next was an episode of The Fugitive (Strange in the Mirror), featuring more manic madness from the Shat (keep an eye out for Astronaut Dodge from Planet of the Apes!).  And then Alfred Hitchcock Presents (The Glass Eye & Mother May I Go Out to Swim?).  Then on to The Outer Limits with Cold Hands, Warm Heart.

    Day two of ShatAttack started with Escape from Planet Earth and William Shatner’s World Famous Cappuccino Muffins.  Mmm.  And we followed that up, obviously, by The Bastard, part of The Kent Chronicles.  And then it was on to ShatAttack favorite The Devil’s Rain.

Escape from Planet Earth:  No shock that this movie wasn’t very good.  It has a few funny gags, but is mostly about as obvious as it gets.  The jokes are pretty obvious and the ‘social commentary’ is ham fisted.  And I’m not sure, but I think the moral of the story was that being single is bad, being stupid is good, and being a housewife is all a woman should strive for.

The Bastard:  Part one of The Kent Chronicles, this details the life of a French murder-machine as he kills everyone who crosses him, often with their own weapons.  After being raped by a milk-maid, our hero goes on to get set upon by various roughians and thugs, who through either luck, or some grand and hidden methodology, he thwarts, mostly to their death.  Then he heads to America, where I don’t know, I guess he gets into freedom and stuff.  It’s a very forgettable made for TV film that’s entirely too long and very repetitive.  Also, many of the actors, especially Andrew Stevens, seem totally wrong for their parts.  Stevens’s accent comes and goes more than the tide.

The Devil’s Rain:  Over the years since I first saw this film, it has become something of a favorite of mine, at least when the William Shatner mood strikes.  It’s not good.  The ending doesn’t make much sense.  But it’s beautifully shot and has some good performances.  And I like all the weird family history it hints at but never does a very good job of explaining.  And then there’s the pudding poring finale capped with a nonsense ending to give it that final punch.

    Of course, then you’ve just got to throw in a Police Woman episode (Smack).  And then…we put in the amazing, the wondrous, the incomparable Impulse.  After that, we played Star Trek Scene It?  And then it was time for the main event.  Kingdom of the Spiders, the most amazingly…well, a movie.  Following that with Star Trek IV just seemed like the thing to do.  And the follow-up to that was the Star Trek episode A Piece of the Action.

Impulse:  “People like you ought to be ground up and made into dog food.”  I have come to the realization that Impulse is one of the greatest bad movies ever made.  From start to finish, it feels like a rollercoaster of awkward exchanges, poor choices, technical failings, and lack of continuity.  The ‘day for night’ shooting is among the worst outside of an Ed Wood movie.  The slow car murder, the Shatnerrific reactions, that awful little girl…Glorious.  No joke.  This is an absolute MUST see for any fan of cheese.

Kingdom of the Spiders:  Sadly not as genius as it should be, this does feature some great sleazy acting from Shatner and a fun, if poorly executed ending.  But the movie is slow, and the creatures ultimately not very scary (seriously, just get on a bike and you’re home free).  If you’re creeped out by spiders, this should be freaky.  If you’re not, it’s not quite campy enough, but it’s watchable with friends.

Star Trek IV:  One of the only Star Trek films to capture anything of the original series, this is also one of the most fun films of the whole franchise.  The first thing you’ll notices is that there’s no villain.  There’s nobody that needs to be punched or exploded at the end.  Like The Motion Picture, the film is more about identifying and figuring out a problem than it is about action.  If only the makers of the new films, or potential makers of a new TV series, would look at this movie and learn something.  No, that something isn’t ‘we should do time travel.

’

     After a raffle, those few who remained sat down to Big Bad Mama, the Roger Corman classic.  And we finished the evening off with a couple more original series episodes.

Big Bad Mama: This sleazy gangster film feels like a cheap attempt at capturing a taste of the Bonnie & Clyde pie.  It’s low budget and wonky, and it has dubious moral quality.  But it’s also got all kinds of 70s nudity (even Angie Dickinson).  Fun, but not especially good or memorable.

    Any week that involves a ShatAttack is a good week.  And this ended up being a really good week.

-Matt

DORK ART: 12 New Juan Ortiz Star Trek Prints

Artist Juan Ortiz has completed another batch of badass retro Star Trek prints.  Don't see them for sale yet, but I'm sure Qmx will have them up on their site shortly.  My favorites are Mirror Mirror, Bread and Circuses (not nearly my favorite episode), and For The World Is Hollow & I Have Touched The Sky.  But I gotta say I'm a little disappointed by the Amok Time and Day of the Dove images.  Those are a couple of classics and deserve something a little more punchy.

I'm also going to take this opportunity to unveil my first teaser for Shat Attack 6.  Geez.  I cannot believe its been six years of Shatner Movie Madness.  It's certainly going to be tough to top last year, but I'm gonna do my darndest.  At the very bottom you'll see the latest Shat Attack threat.

--Brad

Wizard World Philadelphia Comic Con

Troma's Lloyd Kaufman presents Wonder Boy's Junk

Last week was the Wizard World Philadelphia Comic Con and ITMOD was there!  Maybe not the cultural phenomenon that is the San Diego Comic Con or the comic lovers paradise like the Baltimore Comic Con, but these Wizard World events are a ton of fun if you have the money and the desire to meet & greet the celebrities perched on display in the dealer's room.  I had not been in a couple of years, but the prospect of acquiring the autographs of all five Star Trek Captains, including Dork Hero William Shatner was too much for this geek to resist.

The Wife and I drove up to the the city of Brotherly Love late, late, late Thursday night and checked into a hotel on the outskirts of the Philly Airport.  We dashed the contents of our suitcase all over the floor and furniture, selected the appropriate con t shirt wear (plenty of Eric Powell Goon, Shatner, & Ghost Rider love represented from me, where as The Wife had her Team Zissou & Marc Maron pride) and counted the seconds until we were inside the Convention Center.

Celebrity Based Conventions are always weird experiences.  Here, under one roof, are Bruce Campbell, James Hong, Dean Cain, Stan Lee, Chris Hemsworth, William Shatner, Patrick Stewart, Kate Mulgrew, Scott Bakula, Avery Brooks, Norman Reedus, Sean Patrick Flanery, Robert Knepper, Dean Stockwell, James Marsters, etc...  And you can meet them...for a price.  Not only do you fork over the cash for the con, but you also have to pay for the autograph, and if you want a photo with them you have to pay for that as well.

So there's no kidding yourself.  You want to meet the celebrities you've worshipped since you were a kid?   You gotta pay.  Folks like Shatner and Stewart are charging $75 for an auto and $80 for a photo op.  That's big business.  And there should be no delusions that you're having a real, personal experience with them.  So that's gonna turn off some folks.  Understandably.  That being said, I'm a sucker for these events.  And I can and will gladly pay for the opportunity to meet (and collect) these actors.  Part of me even likes that there is a monetary value that I can give to a celebrity encounter.  For this insane blogger a Star Trek art print signed by all five Captains is worth $300.  I will sacrifice good eating, gas, rent, and doctor bills to acquire it.

And that's what the Philadelphia Comic Con is about.  There are some cool panels and a pretty good dealer's room, but if you don't want to pay for autographs than there really is no other reason to attend. 

 

Our first day was Friday.  And The Captains would not be arriving until Saturday.  Day 1's goal was James Hong.  An actor with one of the most massive IMDB pages out there.  369 acting credits.  He's appeared in Chinatown, Blade Runner, Big Trouble in Little China, Tank Girl, Kung Fu Panda, Balls of Fury, Tango & Cash, and every TV show that ever existed.  He might not have had an over-stretching line of rabid fans like the Boondock Saints or Chris Hemsworth, but throughout the con he was always busy.

Hong also managed to spend quality face time with all of his fans, asking questions about them and answering their geeky awkward questions in return.  As we approached, he saw my Wife clutching the casual Kirk bear I had just bought her, and he stopped his signing for a moment to walk over to the other end of his table.  He asked her what the bear's name was, she answered shyly that it was Captain Kirk.  He asked her what Captain Kirk sounded like and she just shook her head.  He asked her to do the bear's voice and she couldn't muster up the courage.  Then mister Hong reached out, grabbed the bear, put it to his face and did a rendition of Mr. Ping from Kung Fu Panda.  It was pretty damn amazing. Just what any dork wants to have happen at a con.  When we finally made our way to the front of the line, he signed my David Lo Pan 8x10 "You're Not, But Your Friend Is Shy."  I explained that my "friend" was my wife and he laughed.  A goofy, fun moment.

While waiting in line, I also met fellow Twitter madman and Shatner aficionado, Doubledumbass.  He chastized my choices of fine dining and explained to me where all the great cheesesteaks in Philly were, and I tried to retain the knowledge.  Everyone should check out his site HERE.

The rest of Friday was spent collecting snapshots of Cosplayers; the more random and obscure the reference the better.  Lots of Ghostbusters, Batmans, Spider-Mans, Captain Americas floating around.  A couple of Galactuses and at least one lady Skeletor.  But my absolute favorite pair were the two guys walking around as The Dude & Hunter S. Thompson.  They were committed and never broke character.

Personally, growing up dork, I never quite understood Cosplay.  I still don't.  Twenty years ago at the cons, the only people to walk around in costume were the real weridos and the folks being paid to be there.  It's still the same, but now they are more widely accepted as part of the nerd community.  I guess I should just join the party.  But I'm never gonna throw on a Devil Dinosaur costume...although the idea of me as Devil Dinosaur and The Wife as Moon Boy....hmmmm...there's potential there.  No.  Can't do it.  No one wants to see me caked in red paint and lizard prosthetics.

The Wife on the other hand, really really really really loves all this stuff.  And she's been begging this husband to let her play dress up and get the "look at me" photo attention like these other silly blokes.  And I cannot deny her anymore.  I said that if she wants to dress up like a Monkee Man for this year's San Diego Comic Con than she's more than welcome.  But I'm gonna stick to the nerd shirts.

Saturday was the Main Event.  The Convention Center opened at 10 AM and The Wife & I were nearly first in line, waiting for The Five Captains to make their way to the floor.  My original goal was to just snag Shatner, but the thrill of the con took over and The Wife is such an enabler that I just started throwing money at Wizard World and went for all Five.

The Captains were running about an hour behind schedule so we had to get to know our neighbors.  Another bonus to these kind of events is meeting all the other crazy folks willing to suspend life's essentials for a little close encounter with Star Trek royalty.  We all look over what everyone is bringing to get signed.  Who bought the exclusive print?  Who's bothering with the Rocket Man art?  Who's getting the autobiography signed?  Everyone loves looking at each other's collectibles.

Once The Captains finally arrived it was go go go.  Up first was Patrick Stewart.  He seemed a little grumpy.  And of course, he had his "I Don't Shake Hands Due To Arthritis" sign up.  There was some confusion over the autograph tickets: what the hardcopy tickets meant vs. the computer print out tickets vs. the VIP badges.  Watching him shout back and forth with Kate Mulgrew over what meant what was a lot of fun, especially when Kate just said "Forget It" and started signing whatever anyone put in front of her.  Once the ball got rolling it all went pretty fast.  Patrick Stewart was nice but--on to the next one.  Kate Mulgrew was very happy but we had nothing to say to her cuz Voyager is the lesser love (although The Wife says she's starting to like that show...weird).  Avery Brooks lives up to his jazzy philosophical reputation.  The Wife bought his CD and that made him waaaay happy.  Scott Bakula was probably the friendliest, especially after we told him one of our first dates was seeing him at Ford's Theater and now we're married--"Why Wasn't I Invited?" he joked, making our fanboy hearts pitter patter.

And then came Shatner.

I've loved the man since I was a little kid.  Star Trek.  TJ Hooker.  It doesn't get better than that.  And in the five years since we've been hosting the Shat Attack parties, The Wife and I have become obsessed with all things Shat.  Movies, TV, Books, Comics, Stage, Toys.  Our apartment is busting at the seams with Shatner memorabilia.  And after having some near contact at last year's San Diego Comic Con and last March's Shatner's World production, this was the first time we would be meeting face to face.  And he did not disappoint.

You hear rumors from people that he's an ass to his fans.  Or that he can be dismissive.  Well, I'm happy to report that he was incredibly friendly and gracious with us.  I went first.  I said something along the lines of, "Nice to meet you Mr. Shatner.  Really big fan."  And I had him sign my Captains print and an 8x10 of Captain Kirk.  But The Wife had the real prize.  She unravelled our Shat Attack III poster  in front of him, and he asked "What is this?"  Not gonna lie, I was nervous that he was going to be furious.  That he would not sign some crazy weirdo image of a half dozen Shatner faces melded into the Star Trek III poster design.  But once I explained that we have a party each year that hosts about thirty people, and we use it as a means to raise money for his Ahead With Horses charity--he lit up.  He thanked us for all our donations.  He told us what new & exciting programs he had in store with Ahead With Horses and US Veterans.  And he asked us to include a picture of the Shat Attack group in the next donation as well as a phone number where he could leave a message.  Awesome.

As The Wife & I shuffled out of line, a group of teenagers approached us and asked if they could have their photo taken with the Five Captains print.  I said sure.  Somewhere out there on some random kids' Facebook page is me holding up Kirk, Picard, Janeway, Sisko, and Archer.

The next three hours was spent waiting in line for the Shatner Photo op.  The less said about that experience the better.  When all is said and done we got our two seconds with The Man and have a great, strange photo as proof of the event, but there were several delays and the crowd was restless and downright hostile at times.  People just need to chill.

Saturday pretty much climaxed at 4 o'clock with The Captains panel.  As all the Trekkies started to file into the theater out from the corner burst a tiny golf cart carrying Kate Mulgrew, Shatner, and Patrick Stewart behind the wheel.  They raced around the auditorium to the cheers and applause of all their fans.  It was a crazy sight to behold and I'm so glad I snapped a blurry photograph.

The Panel itself was a typical Q & A and The Captains were all professional naturals despite probably having answered the majority of the questions a million times before.  There were definitely a few gems to be found like the time Patrick Stewart accidentally grabbed hold of Gates McFadden's breasts (see photos below).  Or Shatner asking Kate Mulgrew if she had a friend that wasn't a lover.  Or Avery Brooks saying that he looks forward to.........beaming i.e. teleporting.  And yeah, Shatner also stated for the record that he was thrilled with Chris Pine's performance as Captain Kirk.  Glad to hear that.  Me too.

Sure, as in all Q & As, there are the awkward moments.  But these actors make it work.  When one fan asked Patrick Stewart if he would hug her and Stewart wavered--Shatner belittled him until Stewart jumped off the stage (THUMP!) and gave the girl a massive hug.  I'm sure he was cursing Bill's name but it was a delight to see The Original Series pushing around The Next Generation.

The Wife had to leave Saturday night, so that left me all by myself for Sunday.  But never fear, over at the Quantum Leap panel I met up with Jon from the After Movie Diner podcast (you guys are downloading this show, right?  Cuz if you're not you're missing out on some wonderfully mad movie banter and some incredible interviews like the one last week with Barbara "Re-Animator" Crampton!) and with the power of his press pass we had some of the best seats in the house.

The Quantum Leap panel was another typical Q & A.  Scott Bakula definitely seemed to pleasure himself with busting Dean Stockwell's chops and either Stockwell really didn't want to be there, or he really enjoyed playing the Grumpy Gus.  Bakula went out of his way to answer questions with thoughtful answers, going to a fairly lengthy discussion on the demise of Star Trek Enterprise.  But Stockwell only dribbled out 1 or 2 word answers.  Don't think he was really "feeling" the whole con experience.  Whatever the case, he provided some amazing stares for this photographer.

The Buffy panel was up next.  I always enjoyed the show, but it's The Wife who is the real fan in our family and it was unfortunate that she missed this playful banter.  Kristy Swanson, the original Buffy, was on hand for the questions.  At first I thought it would be really strange to plop her onto the TV obsessed panel, but it was kinda fun to hear her geek on about her experiences.  James Marsters appeared to be the most at peace with his role as showman, and he had plenty of stories at his fingertips.

But the best part of Sunday was just tagging along behind Jon as he gathered interviews and photos for the After Movie Diner.  Standing behind him while he interviewed James Hong at his booth was one of the top thrills of the Con and I can't wait to hear the finished product on Monday's show.  For lunch we hopped on over to the Reading Terminal Market and chowed down on souvlaki while chatting up the merits/demerits of Tarantino & Rodriguez's Grindhouse.  It was really great to finally meet the face behind the voice, and I thank him for allowing me to horn in on his press pass.  Even if he doesn't know a Thanos from a Red Skull.

Yes.  Wizard World Philadelphia was a rip roaring success for this Dork.  I finally got to speak to and be spoken at by the Shatner.  I scored a batch of toys including The Rock's GI Joe Retaliation figure, a TJ Hooker die cast helicopter, a Brave & The Bold Hot Wheel, and a "Hail Borgnine!" Devil's Rain magnet.  I survived the cold stare of Stockwell.  And I finally got to meet fellow internet trolls Doubledumbass and AfterMovieDiner.

Now, I'm fully pumped for next month's San Diego Comic Con.  Bring it.  But can it live up to the new family portrait below???

--Brad