A Fistful of Weird West! (Matt’s Picks)

    With this week’s Cowboys & Aliens hitting the multiplexes, we here at In the Mouth of Dorkness wanted to share some of our favorite tastes of the Weird West.

5.  The Tall Man’s Origin (Phantasm IV: Oblivion):  After all the other crazy reveals in this completely off the wall horror franchise, the discovery of the Tall Man’s origins has to be one of the most sad, but also fascinating for this retro science fiction buff.

4.  The Dust Devil’s Soul Hunt (Dust Devil):  Though not actually a Western at all, Dust Devil has all the look and feel.  And the title creature would fit right in, wandering the back roads of nowhere, looking for lost souls to consume.  Spirit world craziness and the worst of human nature collide in the deserts of the West…of modern-day Africa.

3.  Burt Gummer: Dandy? (Tremors 4: The Legend Begins):  If they go on long enough, horror movie franchises will eventually go to space.  But, they also frequently bounce back to the Wild West, which is where the Graboids go in this, the fourth film in the fun, goofy series.  Here, the ancestor of gun-toting survivalist Burt Gummer, Hiram, arrives in town and is not the stuff of action movie heroics to say the least.  But with a little logic and deduction, he my just get some killin’ done.

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2.  The Standoff (Outland):  It’s almost High Noon, and good cop Marshall William T. O'Niel isn’t going to let some two-bit mining exec have his unlawful way.  Even when two deadly goons travel all the way out to have a talk (read kill).  This remake of High Noon may not be so obvious at first, because it’s set in the future, on a deep space mining station.

1.  Gene Autry’s Strange Trip (The Phantom Empire):  Autry has a show to put on, and if it doesn’t go off without a hitch, he might just lose the ranch.  So, of course, like any good cowboy singer, he travels into the vast underground and faces off against the people of the lost continent of Mu.  And shucks, he has a good time.

-Matt

A Fistfull of Unwelcomed Visitors! (Matt's Picks)

5.  The Thing:  Are you it?  Would you even know?  Not even Quaker Oats can fight off this shape shifting, body stealing monstrosity from beyond, do you hear we?  Either we’re at war with the Norwegians, or we’ve got Thing trouble.  Bundle up, and don’t go with Windows.  Go with Childs.

Darn Norwegian

4.  The Russians:  Everything was going just fine in Middle America until those Red bastards dropped from the sky and a band of local kids had to go all John Rambo on their butts.

3.  Graboids:  Don’t step too heavy or these beasts from the depths of the Earth will come a’callin.  They’ll eat your truck.  They’ll wreck your house.  And only Alex P. Keaton’s dad has enough firepower to make them pause.

Don't look now, John Bly!

2.  O’Niel:  The mining company has everything all sewed up when a pesky, honorable law man O’Niel shows up and asks too many questions.  One raging, station crawling, pressure losing battle later, profits may never recover.

1.  The Aliens from Third Planet, Black Hole, Outer Space.  These dirty apes will build a robot to kick your atomic powered lizard’s tail.  They are snappy dressers, though.