Matt’s Week in Dork! (3/2/14-3/8/14)

    Busy, busy, busy.  A Dork’s life is never (OK, often) dull.  Up first thing on Sunday for my recommended dose of Neeson, and then I was off, for another week of running around, trying to read, catching too few movies, and generally doing what I do.  F’in snow storm on Monday threw a bit of a monkey wrench into the works.  Seriously.  I moved to Virginia in part to get away from snow and winter storms.  And everyone kept telling me they’re so rare here.  Well, three out of 7 years we’ve had severe winter weather and I’ve had to shovel.  Not cool.  Anyway, on with the usual Dorkness.

Non-Stop:  Not quite as good as Taken or Taken 2, this “Liam Neeson gets angry and kills a bunch of people” movie is more on the level of Unknown.  It’s fun and perfectly watchable, but it won’t be going on any best of lists.  Like an Agatha Christie story, the movie sets up everyone to look as guilty as possible, so you never quite know who the villain is…except that I knew who the villain was from the first moment said person showed their face on screen.  If you’re in the mood for Neeson yelling and looking angry, while occasionally snapping a neck, watch Taken.  But if you just watched Taken, this is a fine follow-up.

Fiancee of Dracula:  Grave yards, weird nuns, a circus dwarf on a motorcycle, a baby eating ogress who looks like a porn star?  Oh, yes.  Jean Rollin.  This film deals with many of the themes Rollin used from his earliest days.  His vampires are sad, slightly baffled extra-dimensional beings, disconnected from those around them and often thought mad.  They wander and stumble across each other, and across other weird characters as they try to figure themselves and their world out.  Rollin never really grew as an artist, but within his very strange, very specific little world, he was a master.  Dream logic, vague pretension, an almost Romantic sexuality, and a playful touch of the absurd.  Though not traditionally good, I find Rollin’s films compulsively watchable, and for more than just the pretty women taking their clothes off.  The atmosphere he creates sometimes feels like what Hammer Studios was reaching for in their most Gothic of films (though Hammer had a tendency to expect their films to have some modicum of plot and logic).

Pilot X: Murder in the Sky:  This feels like a truncated serial, with much the same plot progression common to the ‘masked criminal’ series.  Planes have been getting shot down, so in an attempt to find out who is doing it, the likely suspects are brought to a secluded house to be observed.  Of course, they start getting picked off, the most obviously guilty first, and so on.  The acting is mostly stilted and the editing makes most of the flying scenes almost impossible to follow.  Several times, I couldn’t tell who was involved in a dog fight, who was winning, or who’d just been shot.  And honestly, the reveal was pretty darned obvious.  The details, not so much, but I had the killer pegged from early on.  It’s an OK bit of fluff, but there are many better.

Tim’s Vermeer:  I’m glad this isn’t simply the ‘mad eccentric’ movie the trailer made it out to be.  Tim Jenison is a very smart guy, and yes, perhaps a bit mad.  And he’s interested in a lot of things.  He’s made enough money that he’s able to investigate and explore these interests to sometimes surreal extremes.  And this is the case with his fascination with the artist Vermeer and how his paintings were made.  Following in the footsteps of a few researchers, Tim conceived of a wild project to try to recreate one of the paintings in what he believes may be the unconventional way it was originally done.  What follows is part archeology, part art history, part This Old House, and more than a part obsession.  Tim isn’t the distant savant, or creepy loner that usually anchors a subject like this.  He seems like a mostly normal, if clearly genius level, human being.  A guy you might get coffee with, or discuss the latest film.  And as crazy as what he’s doing is, he reacts to much of it in a perfectly reasonable way, even admitting at one point that if it wasn’t part of an ongoing film production, he’d have quit working on it.  But I’m glad it was part of that film.  There are a lot of things discussed over the course of the movie, about philosophy and history, etc.  But I think the most interesting and important realization, or assertion is that art and science were not, and should not be separate things.  I think the separation of art and science has led to some serious cultural dissonance.  A satisfying documentary, which made me want to go out and paint…not a Vermeer, but something.

    Thanks to TCM showing so many great movies you just can’t find on DVD, I got a chance to see a Ruth Chatterton movie I’d been wanting to see for some time.  They’re really the only channel I watch, and the one thing I’ll miss when I don’t have cable again in a year.

Dodsworth:  Walter Huston is so much fun as the newly retired industrialist, off to learn how to live his life and love his wife.  Sadly, his wife, played by Ruth Chatterton, isn’t so much interested in love as she is in holding on to her quickly receding youth.  She is attracted to flattery like a moth of flame, and that can’t end well.  Considering that this film came out after the Hayes Codes were in full effect, I was a bit surprised by some of the content.  I suppose, even with the crackdown, not everyone was on board or had their puritanical hooks into everything yet.  I’m gaining a new appreciation for Walter Huston recently.  And I’ve become quite a fan of Ruth Chatterton, who is playing someone very different than I’m used to here, but doing a fine job of it.  You really hate and pity her as it goes on.

About Time:  Absolutely, this is a sappy romantic fantasy, with a very odd time travel twist that allows it to make its point.  Fine.  But dang it, it’s super sweet and adorable, and I love the cast.  It’s funny, it’s charming, and if I had a heart in my chest, I would imagine this warming it.  Now, the movie is guilty of one cinematic sin, for sure.  It uses the old ‘frumpy hair/outfit’ in order to try to make us imagine that Rachel McAdams isn’t a painfully beautiful woman.  However, I thought McAdams is a good enough actor that she made me forget how hot she is for a while, and focus on how awkwardly cute her character is.  I could certainly understand people accusing this of being saccharine or schmaltzy.  They wouldn’t necessarily be wrong.  But I enjoyed the heck out of the whole thing.

    On Thursday night, we were again at our usual haunt, The Alamo Drafthouse, to see a double shot of muscle and steel.  I’d seen 300 on the big screen when it first came out, but not in a really nice theater.  And it made a difference.  This time around, the first time the Persians slam against the Spartan shields, I felt the impact as much as I heard it.

300:  One of the most wonderfully ridiculous, over the top, macho, beefy films ever made, this rousing tale of buff dudes battling mutant hoards has about as much to do with the historic events as The Ten Commandments, but it’s got a heck of a lot more awesome.  Lots of great lines, lots of wild scenes, lots of driving music, and so, so much wacky slow/fast motion.  The battles are intense and fun, the dialog almost Shakespearian in its theatricality.  And the badassery on display not only from the Spartan soldiers, but from Queen Gorgo …Awesome.  I hope that when I’m called to defend my lands against ravaging hoards of horror, I have a woman half as hardcore as Gorgo watching my back.  In a movie so crammed full of baby-oiled up muscle men, chest pounding, and testosterone pumping speeches, it’s great to have a woman who stands toe to toe on heroics.  And something I can’t help but mention when I talk about this movie, I love that it portrays a couple who are deeply and passionately in love with each other, enjoy each other’s company, and still has a vigorous sex life.

300: Rise of an Empire:  Everything that worked in the first film did not work in this one.  I was horrified to find myself longing for 300’s subtlety…Yeah, a movie that’s about as subtle as a Nic Cage freak-out, and this film makes it look like the world's greatest spy giving a lesson on subtlety at the University of Subtle, Secretly Located In Oxford (accredited!).  We’re subjected to the sad, sensitive, irritatingly concerned, blue eyes of a perpetually young warrior poet from Athens, Themistocles (Sullivan Stapleton), who explains in great detail how everything that he and his army does is ‘what living/fighting/being free is all about.’  And then we have the most feared and powerful naval commander in the Persian Empire, Artemisia (Eva Green), who manages to blow every opportunity for victory and display every possible level of incompetence, seemingly having gained all her position and power by using secret vagina magic.  Then we get to find out how she has the most cliché back story they could come up with (yes, that’s right, the toughest sorceress/general/warrior/naval commander and right-hand of the Persian Emperor is just an injured little girl looking to get back at the people who wronged her…For the love of crap!  F&%$ you, writer(s) of this film!).  Show don’t tell.  That’s the golden rule of cinema, and the one this movie breaks most often.  I kept trying to like it.  For the first fifteen or twenty minutes, I think I managed to not hate it.  But at some point, I couldn’t pretend anymore, and the taint it was putting upon the first film was too much.  Zack Snyder has his faults, and his last two movies (Sucker Punch  and Man of Steel) have disappointed me greatly.  But I missed him on this project, for sure.  And really?  Really?  Penetrated by his cock-sword?  Really?  300 only had one female character, but she was f'in hardcore and stood as much for heroism as any of the beefy Spartans.  This movie has two.  Gorgo has inexplicably become a sword wielding warrior woman (not her brand of badass), and Artemisia who seems to embody Victorian Man's fears and hatreds of women.  Ugh.

Old Boy (2013):  I know so many people who go so gaga over the original Korean film, but watching it a couple years back, I was left cold/bored by it.  I don’t tend to respond well to Korean film in general; something about the pacing, I don’t know.  Whatever the case, combined with the fact that Spike Lee was behind this remake, it was not something I gave two craps about.  Not even sure why I ended up putting it on my NetFlix queue.  But I did, and now I’ve seen it, and it’s…OK.  I felt a bit more engaged in this version than the original.  However, it still left me cold; though not as bored.  Everyone is fine.  The story is pretty messed up.  Sharlto Copley tries his darnedest to channel Vincent Price in his wildly silly villain role.  But Lee’s usual camera tomfoolery is off-putting, and while Elizabeth Olsen does a good job, I can’t help but feel her character stepped out of a crappy 80s action/cop movie (if only she lived in a converted warehouse and did welding/sculpting as a hobby).  I wouldn’t avoid watching this, but I wouldn’t go out of my way, either.

    Saturday afternoon, the director and the star of the short film I’m working on came to my place for a penultimate meeting, with some test shots of costume and set, and a final checklist of props and such.  I felt a heck of a lot better after seeing how the set wall looked on camera.  That was making me a bit nervous.  Otherwise, it all seems good.  I’m so danged excited to see this as a final product.

Love:  You can probably guess this from the trailer, but Love owes a good deal to Kubrick’s 2001 and many other science fiction movies besides.  But that shouldn’t lessen your enjoyment of this slightly non-linier story about an astronaut stranded in space.  Pieces of the story are rooted in the American Civil War, and there are lots of flashbacks and cut-away shots of people living and talking about life.  It’s all very artsy, but didn’t feel particularly pretentious.  The film looks great, with some gorgeous Civil War battle shots and lots of excellent space stuff.  Yes, there’s gravity on the space station.  So what?  This isn’t a high budget film, thus, no zero-G filming.  Don’t be a dick.  The sets are nice, and the lead actor doesn’t botch it.  I don’t know that he’s the most charismatic or interesting to watch, but he’s got the weight of the whole film on his shoulders and he doesn’t mess it up.  So, bravo.  Fans of more serious science fiction should give it a go.  Not one for the ages, but good.

    It was interesting to watch Love when I did.  A few things I’ve seen recently play with some of the ideas of this short film we’re working on.  Like Gravity, All is Lost, The Wall, and some others I’ve seen recently, Love deals with isolation and the stress of being out of contact.

    And that’s about it.  I had a busy week, but not as much on the Dork side as I like.  I’m hoping with the weather finally looking like it might not totally suck, I’ll be able to get my bike out and start breathing outdoor air again.  Time will tell.

-Matt

Five Books About Movies

I love books.  I love movies.  I guess it’s no surprise I’ve enjoyed some books about movies.  There are plenty out there, from those 501 movies you must see to consummate tool Leonard Malton’s book of reviews.  And in this day of the internet, you’ve obviously got a lot of places to turn to for info on movies.  But sometimes it’s just fun to pick up a book, flip through the pages and get inspired to check out something new.  These books have led me to some great (and awful) movies, and I recommend them for any film buff’s bookshelf.

Out of the Past- Adventures in Film Noir by Barry Gifford:  The writer behind some truly weird and awesome books like Night People and Wild at Heart, Barry Gifford is also the co-writer of one of my favorite films, Lost Highway.  With this book, he discusses his love of Noir.  Like me, he has wide and liberal view of what counts as Noir.  So, you’ll occasionally get movies like Night Moves (1975) or King Creole (yes, the 1958 Elvis vehicle), along side more typical entries like Pickup on South Street (1953) and Dark Passage (1947).  Gifford’s reviews are sometimes vague, half remembered notions of films he once saw, recollected while sitting in a café somewhere.  He was not sitting in a darkened screening room, scribbling away as he watched.  So, there are times when he gets things wrong, left with impressions not actually true to the film.  It’s like someone telling you about a movie they watched a few weeks back, getting to a few of the details that really struck them, but maybe getting the order of events wrong, or having missed a bit of dialog, thinking an action meant something totally different.  But, the love of the movies is there.  And he makes you want to check them all out.  Even the ones he didn’t really like.  I’ve gone on to watch a whole bunch of movies from this book.  Some I’m sure I’d have seen anyway, but others I may have never even heard of.  And if you’re gonna watch Lost Highway, you should probably watch 1944’s Double Indemnity.  (ISBN: 978-1-578-06290-4)

Immoral Tales- European Sex and Horror Movies 1956-1984 by Cathal Tohill & Pete Tombs:  Europeans have had a strange love affair with film.  And I’ll admit it.  Most of the time I just don’t understand.  There was a time (in my teens and early 20s) when I dug really nasty gore films, which led me to watch a lot of Italian movies from the 70s.  And there was a time (circa 1981 to…well today) when I really enjoyed seeing women in various stages of undress.  Again, this led me to watch a lot of Italian movies from the 70s, as well as French films, Dutch films, UK films, etc.  But one of the reasons I moved away from European movies in general was the combination of those two things.  I got sick of seeing beautiful women mutilated, often in sort of sexual ways (cutting off naked breasts being a particularly common event in Italian horror).  And just generally, the way European film tended to treat women and sexuality started to genuinely bother me.  In French film, the men are frequently hideous middle aged ogres, while the women are comely and young.  Even when they’re not being raped, there’s a very rapey vibe to things.  But when I acquired Immoral Tales, I had yet to drift away from Euro-horror.  The book is packed with pictures that capture a lot of the WTF? nature of these films, in spite of being mostly in black & white.  The write-ups on these movies are informative, not only with lurid descriptions of movie content, but also with contextual references about the times they were being made and released, and about the people in front of and behind the cameras.  There are chapters on certain countries’ work (France, Italy, etc.) and on certain filmmakers (Jess Franco, Walerian Borowczyk, etc.).  And going back to the book now is nice, as I have developed an appreciation for the works of Jean Rollin I certainly didn’t (and likely couldn’t) have when I first got this book.  Rollin has lured me back into Euro-sleaze of the that era in part because while his films features some blood (and occasionally some gore), violence, and plenty of sex, there doesn’t seem to be that ugly sexual violence so common in that time.  Over the last couple years, I’ve found myself getting in tune with Rollin’s dream-logic storytelling.  And reading up on him as I flip through Immoral Tales again, I want to check out some more of his movies, and maybe revisit some I’ve already seen.  But this brings up a frustrating fact with all of the books on this list.  Often, outside of expensive purchases online, or lucky strikes, many movies discussed in these pages are near impossible to find.  I’ve lucked into some on NetFlix and other such places.  A few I’ve even found in stores.  But a lot of them still exist in some netherworld for me, beyond my reach.  And dropping serious dough on unseen movies isn’t a good idea, even when the review is glowing.  For example, Le bete, which sounded like it would be pretty danged amazing, turned out to be super dull.  $30 dollars I wouldn’t get back for something I watched once and would not be returning to.  (ISBN: 978-0312-1-35195)

My Year of Flops by Nathan Rabin:  The newest book on this list, I had an absolute blast reading it.  Rabin is a guy about my age, with a very similar outlook on movies.  Like me, he loves ‘em.  He even loves the ones he hates.  Maybe especially the ones he hates.  With his rating system of Failure, Fiasco, or Secret Success, he gets to the heart of movie flops.  Great movies nobody ever saw, like The Rocketeer, amazing disasterpieces like Heaven’s Gate, and all bookended by the strange cast of Elizabethtown.  His reviews are often hysterical, expletive heavy, and referential.  But he also has a lot of information to pass on, even getting the straight dope from some of the people involved in making some of these bombs.  Again, for anyone who loves movies, a must read.  Flops are a part of the magic of movies, and this book is a celebration of that magic.  (ISBN: 978-1-4391-5312-3)

Sex and Zen & A Bullet in the Head- The Essential Guide to Hong Kong’s Mind-Bending Films by Stefan Hammond & Mike Wilkins:  I used to catch bits of marital arts on TV and in movies, and sometime in my teens, a friend showed me a few classic Shaw Brothers films.  But truth be told, I didn’t get consciously into Martial Arts cinema until I saw Jackie Chan’s Rumble in the Bronx at a local theater.  Around the same time, I started watching some Gong Li movies on video, mainly because she was so beautiful on the VHS covers.  Eventually, I started to realize that Hong Kong was a happenin’ berg, and putting out some of the strangest, coolest movies.  I began consuming everything I could find at my local video stores.  As my newfound fascination with the HK film industry grew to new heights over the latter part of the 90s, I was rewarded by a one-two punch of The Matrix and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, which really pushed some of that Hong Kong style into American cinemas like never before.  And suddenly, the video market exploded with new and old titles for sale and rent.  This book came to my attention right around that time, and has served as a handy guide ever since.  Though it’s kind of out of date now (as these books are destined to become), it features some fairly in depth explorations of various movies, focused on the so called Hong Kong New Wave of the 80s and 90s.  An energy gripped movie makers, drawing on the film language of the West and on cultural changes in Hong Kong.  Out of that energy came a sort of neo-Noir, realism, and a rediscovery of Chinese classics.  The book covers everything from Jackie Chan and Jet Li movies to early Wong Kar-wai, to the difficulty created by actors having multiple names, to the often hilariously awkward subtitle translations (“He wants to be the toppest fight, shit!”).  If you’re interested in Honk Kong cinema, or just want suggestions for something a little different, this book is a must.  There are books out there that focus on martial arts, or on solitary figures like Bruce Lee, but this one gives you a nice sample from across the wide spectrum of genre, even if only from a limited time period.  (ISBN: 978-0-6848-0341-8)

Lurker in the Lobby- A Guide to the Cinema of H.P. Lovecraft by Andrew Migliore and John Strysik:  It’s no secret I’m a fan of pulp horror/sci-fi writer H.P. Lovecraft.  I love his soul blasting revelations of insignificance in the face of things so far outside human understanding his heroes often find themselves able only to escape through madness or death.  Though his stories typically dwell primarily in the minds of his protagonists, I’ve always felt they could make for excellent films.  Certainly, his concepts and themes do and have.  From direct adaptations like Re-animator (1985) and The Call of Cthulhu (2005) to thematic descendants like Alien (1979) and The Quatermass Xperiment, the book covers a lot of movies from way back all the way up to recent years.  It also gets into TV episodes (including The Real Ghostbusters!) and short films.  And there are a few extensive interviews with filmmakers and actors like Jeffery Combs, Guillermo del Toro, and the late Dan O’Bannon.  Plenty of illustrations and photographs give tantalizing glimpses at the various movies.  Annoyingly, like the above books, many of these films are difficult to come by without dropping some serious bank, or attending distant horror conventions.  Still, it’s a helpful look at some of the many movies influenced or directly inspired by a literary master and his fellows.  (ISBN: 978-1-892-38935-0)

-Matt

Matt’s Week in Dork! (1/20/13-1/26/13)

    Sunday, after watching a movie, Brad, Ben, and I hit up a pretty cool little music shop, CD Cellar, and the only really good used book store I’ve found since moving to Virginia, Hole in the Wall Books.  Scored a few cool books and disks (found some Carl Nielsen, for crying out loud!).


The Last Stand:  You know I’m glad Arnold is back to doing movies.  Sadly, this one never hits its stride, or figures out a tone.  It tries to be funny, but isn’t that funny.  It isn’t really much of an action film, as there’s only a couple bits of action.  It’s not shot well.  The villain is exceptionally lame.  And Arnold seems out of practice.  Still, there are moments.  A few.  And I hope this is just one quick stumble on the path to Old Arnold being a silver screen staple from now on.  And hey, it’s still better than Collateral Damage or End of Days.  Sadly, I think something gets lost when Korean or Hong Kong directors try to make movies in the States.  I’m not the biggest fan of Korean film anyway (It’s called pacing! Look in to it!), but The Good The Bad The Weird was really good.  So I had a bit more hope for this one.  However, it completely lacks that certain energy of Asian films, while also lacking the pacing or script of good American movie.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl:  “But you have heard of me.”  Honestly, I was never much for pirate movies.  With the exception of Yellowbeard, I don’t think there was a one I really liked.  The time period had a lot to do with it.  They’re from that in-between time, from around the dawn of the Renaissance to the late 1800s that is a sort of historical dead zone in my interest.  But I’m also not really in to nautical films in general (I hate submarine stories, for example).  So, when this movie came along, and based on a ride at Disneyland no less, I had understandably low expectations.  Imagine my surprise when this turned out to be a shockingly fun adventure movie with enough humor and horrific fantasy to keep it spicy.  Good action, solid cast, nice music and a pretty good tale.  It prompted me to go back and watch more of the old classic pirate movies.  Unfortunately, I didn’t like them.  Still, this one is good.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest:  “Look!  An undead monkey.  Top that.”  Oh, Jack, that wobbling, crackpot jackanape.  He’s up to his old tricks, and it’s trouble for friend and foe alike.  Fancy Will Turner gets roped into a quest to screw over Captain Jack so he can save his lady love.  It’s pretty much just more of the same, though because they were filming back to back, the filmmakers were able to set more up with the knowledge that a third film would tie things up.  And of course, it allows for a cliffhanger ending.  Filled with new and disgusting underwater nasties (seriously disgusting henchmen), daring-do, drunken stumbling, and adventure.  The cast does a fine job.  The movie looks good.  The Music is nice.  The Black Spot.  And of course, the Kraken.  It reminds me of my youth, picking over old reports of sea monsters throughout the ages.  Giant squids that would suck down sailing ships.  I used to eat that stuff up.

Pina:  “You just have to get crazier.”  Look, I’m the first one to admit I don’t get interpretive dance.  I know there’s some kind of meaning in what I’m seeing, but that meaning remains mostly obscure to me.  So much of it seems like random bits of other dance, like some kind of physical jazz.  But, divorcing it from meaning, I understand fit bodies displaying physical agility.  And this movie has plenty of that.  I’m not a fan of groups of people doing the same dance movies in unison.  I think I’ve been affected by too many pop music videos, where that became the standard like a guitar solo in an 80s rock tune, crammed in even when it doesn’t belong.  Visually, though, this film is really something.  I wish I’d gotten the chance to see it in 3D (and I don’t say that very often).  The format is odd, with performances broken up with dancers talking about Pina Bausch, except they’re not talking.  It’s all in voice over while they sit there looking all artistic. What’s up with French Tobin Bell and hand dancing David Bowie?  And the factory veal dance?  I don’t know.  It is interesting to see this group of dancers, some who were with Pina for decades, reminisce and do some of their numbers.  Like so many artists (dancers and singers especially), these people seem deeply emotionally damaged, and that weird mix of narcissistic exhibitionist and shy introvert.  Like interpretive dance, I don’t think I really got this movie.  I started tuning out after the first 45 minutes or so.  Also, I know this is kind of a little thing, especially in the era of the internet, but the credits are pretty much unreadable, which is something I always find annoying.  The commentary by Wim Wenders is actually far more informative, if that’s the word.  I only listened to about 5 or 10 minutes, but I kind of regret not having it on during my first viewing.  Who knew?

Red Sonja:  “Only women may touch it.”  There was a time when Richard Fleischer made really cool movies.  But somewhere along the way he lost it, and then he made Conan the Destroyer.  Not content with destroying all that had been done in Conan the Barbarian, by turning it into a comic book style joke, he then made this steaming turd.  As so often happens, the very essence of Howard is gutted in the opening scene, making our hero a product of fate and magic, not self made, as Howard’s heroes are.  Especially annoying is that the production design looks pretty good and the music isn’t bad.  And they have a much more appropriate actress for Sonja in the film.  Sandahl Bergman can’t act to save her life, but she’s no worse than Brigitte Nielsen, and at least she looks the part.  Actually, the actress who played Sonja’s sister would have been better.  They had a lot of the technical stuff they needed.  Just not a script or any concept of Robert E. Howard’s writing or philosophy.  Seriously, the script is awful.  If it weren’t for the obvious money that went into the crafting of the film and the appearance of Cona…I mean Kalidor, it wouldn’t even rank up there with the Deathstalker films.  Oh man, and then there’s the little kid king and his goofus slave.  Ugh.

"Let us slay English together!"

Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning:  What does ‘graphic nudity’ mean in an MPAA rating?  To me, there’s nudity and not nudity.  Graphic nudity seems to mean something else, but I can’t imagine what that is.  Anyway, the second in this new batch of Universal Soldier movies, following up the shockingly good Universal Soldier: The Regeneration is pretty good.  These films do kind of what I’d like to do with Hellraiser; go back to the original concept, rework it, and make it a solid, fairly well thought out, serious take on a cool idea.  This one feels like they have a bigger budget, as it is filmed in North America, not Eastern Europe.  Although, all the girls still seem Eastern European.  The Plummer, who appears to be played by Gerard Butler’s hideous twin brother is kind of awesome.  Dolph Lungren is becoming beautifully old, and Van Damme is terrifying.  The film’s cult of super soldiers storyline is cool, and it features some crazy super-brawls.

The Night Caller (aka Night Caller from Outer Space, aka Blood Beast from Outer Space):  There’s something just a little different about the way the Brits were making horror/science fiction back in the 50s and 60s.  Much the same stories, the same shoddy costumes and effects as their American counterparts.  But while the destination was the same, the journey was so different.  From odd narrative progression, where fifteen minutes in, the two leads disappear for a half hour, replaced by totally different characters, to the strange and probably unnecessary bits of off topic character interplay, a lot of these movies have a specific charm that is pretty much unique to the UK.  (For a slightly more modern example of what I’m talking about, look at Tobe Hooper’s Lifeforce).  This feels a lot like a story from the Jon Pertwee era of Doctor Who (but with better pacing).  The creature is pretty lame, but the movie is well worth checking out for the colorful cast and good dialog.  The interplay between the pornographer and the cop alone is worth the effort.

Invasion of Astro-Monster (aka Godzilla VS Monster Zero):  “We’re glad we found friends on Planet X.”  When a couple of dudes take a rocket ship to a mysterious planet, they find much more than they expect.  Those crazy cats from Planet X are ready to get all up in Earth’s business with a giant, gold, three headed beast that spits lightning.  Bah-BAM!  And then they kidnap and control Rodan and Godzilla.  Dude.  Who does that?  Obviously, you have to watch out for the sexy femme fatale.  Especially when she’s not alone.  Nick Adams and Akira Takarada are really fun leads, and play well together.  And I’m always, always glad to see King Ghidorah.  He’s still probably my single favorite giant monster.

Zombie Lake:  “No one knows how I feel, and neither do you.”  Jean Rollin does his thing… this time, with zombies.  Using Jess Franko’s dude-muse (like Tim Burton’s Johnny Depp) Howard Vernon who looks like he’s about to give up the ghost himself.  The zombies look terrible, and unfortunately the camera lingers long enough that you can’t help but notice.  You can see a lot of Rollin’s usual flourishes, but they don’t feel right.  The pacing doesn’t work with the subject, and the dubbing is downright awful, which doesn’t help things at all.  Not just that the voice acting is bad, which it is.  But the English script doesn’t make any danged sense.  When the VW bus full of girls shows up at the lake, though, you’re really reminded that Rollin was an artist, man.  An artist.  Zombie movie fans will almost certainly be disappointed with its focus on a weird love story and a myth shrouded lake (it’s really more of a ghost story), and Rollin fans will likely miss the dreamlike feel of his usual work that only very occasionally peaks its head out here.  I do have to ask, if the child was born during the second World War, how come she’s only like 12 in 1980?  The lesson this movie reminds us of is, like gremlins, don’t ever get Nazis wet.   If anyone wants to know what to get me for Christmas, the mayor’s castle would be A-OK in my book.

Seriously, this is from the movie.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End:  “No cause is lost, if there is but one fool left to fight for it.”  This third installment in the swashbuckling fantasy adventure series is full of the expected danger, daring do, grim characters, and exotic locations.  As the series has progressed, it has become less and less accurately titled, as they’ve sailed quite a distance from the Caribbean.  Of course, the big twists at the end of the second film changes the course of events.  With one hero dead and one villain risen from the grave, all bets are off.  A journey to the nastiest looking Asian port ever put on film is a clear necessity.  All the crazy pirate lore they build in these films is pretty cool.  Nine pieces of eight, the Pirate’s Code, the Flying Dutchman, the black spot, Shipwreck Cove, sea turtles, Calypso, and all kinds of wild snippets of crazy old Pirate tales.  Grand.  The climactic whirlpool battle is overblown and overlong.  But otherwise, it’s a fine finish to a trilogy (of course, there would be more to come).

The Devil Came from Akasava:  “Just go to hell, please.”  It’s Jess Franco!  Luckily, this was early enough in his career that Franco hadn’t devolved completely into the turd maestro he would soon become.  There were still some hints of possible talent allowed to slip into his movies.  The man works his zooms like a Terry Crews works his delts.  I was waiting for the zoom that went microscopic, but sadly, like a good script, that was beyond Franco.  Typical of this type of film, especially when Franco is involved, it feels like key scenes are missing.  A guy walks into a room, suddenly it’s several days later and there’s a whole story about that guy having been killed in his jeep in the jungle.  What?  When did that happen?  Shouldn’t we have seen something about that?  Also, as a side note, posing like you’re in a photo-shoot is not dancing.  If I went to see a dancer and she did that, I’d be less than thrilled.  No matter how cute she was.  Whatever the case, somewhere around the 45 minute mark, I started to tune out.  Considering how little seems to actually be going on, it’s way too long.

Taking no guff.

    I finally tried getting back into reading some monthly comics.  Brad hooked me up with a pile, but the pile kept getting bigger and I wasn’t even making a dent.  So, I finished off The Creep, with its fourth issue.  That’s a big ‘meh.’  It started out seemingly like it might be a really interesting weird mystery, but it ended up being pretty bland, with a reveal that wasn’t all that shocking or surprising.  The main character feels like he should be in a totally different story.  This just came off as an episode of Law & Order.

    After that, I had much more fun reading issues 2 and 3 of the new Fantastic Four.  This is the kind of thing the first family of Marvel should be doing.  Every time Reed exists on Earth for more than six months and the East Coast hasn’t become a technological utopia, the comic doesn’t ring true.  So, here we have him and his band rocketing through space having crazy adventures.  The Fantastic Four are really a ‘cosmic’ group, and like similar comics (Silver Surfer, Guardians of the Galaxy, and the like), they should be in space (and/or time), fighting robots and aliens and all kinds of crazy stuff.

    In spite of a lot of mistreatment, deep down inside, I’m still a Star Wars fan.  Or at least, I want to be.  And for the most part, Dark Horse has been the one ray of light for this fan for like 20 years.  Not all the comics are good, but until the Clone Wars CGI series, the only good Star Wars in decades were in comic form.  And I’m kind of itching to do a Star Wars RPG, which would almost certainly be set in or around the original film’s time.  So, I figured I’d try out Agent of the Empire: Hard Targets.  The look of the cover, the subject, and the character design was all very 70s, so I was kind of hoping it would tap into that Han Solo/Lando adventure novel vibe.  It does not.  There’s potential for some cool stuff here, but right off the bat, I don’t like Agent Cross.  The time period (a couple years before Yavin) is perfect for expanding the universe.  But this feels like too many Star Wars stories, too attached to the original movies, going to the same places, meeting the same characters, dealing with the same issues.  With all the universe to explore, we just keep going over the same territory.  The art is OK.  As usual with Star Wars comics, it doesn’t wow, but it looks good enough to do the job.

    Issue 1 of the new Dark Horse ongoing Star Wars comic holds more promise.  Though again, we’re dealing with characters we already know, the writing works a bit better and the vibe of the first couple movies is more present.  It looks like this will be a bridge story between Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back, which of course, has already been done.  Still, a fairly good read and I’ll be curious to see where it goes.

    One of the best series out there right now is Godzilla: The Half Century War.  The penultimate issue drops Space Godzilla and Mechagodzilla into a three way battle with our old friend.  And long suffering giant-monster hunter Ota is there for the action.  And this time he gets to strike a blow for the Earth, in an unlikely way.  And man, that last panel.  I can’t wait for the final issue, though I don’t want it to end.

    “Our compass is curiosity.  Our destination is the infinite.”  So, I read FF (Future Foundation), issue 1 & 2, and they were oddly charming.  The art is kind of awful, but with this crazy 60s vibe that fits well with the series.  And Matt Fraction seems to have embraced that same 60s crazy that make The Fantastic Four popular all those decades ago.  It even feels like he’s got some kind of handle on the idea that these people are actively building the future, not just a bunch of weirdoes living in NYC.  There’s almost a Marvel equivalent of Batman: Brave and the Bold to it, as they drag out some weird, weird characters.  Lockjaw, man.  Lockjaw.

    DC’s The Phantom Stranger is an odd, and potentially really interesting series.  It’s connections to the more mystical characters like Captain Marvel (or, I guess they’re calling him Shazam now), could make for some good Creepy/Eerie type tales.  And it feels natural that it might mix up with Swamp Thing and Animal Man, but who knows.  And the art work also reflects that old horror comic style.  I’d almost rather see it in black & white.

    I also finally finished Infidel, which I’d started quite a while back, but put up for a bit while I was busy with other things.  Good book.  And I read Christa Faust’s Double-D Double Cross, which was a fun, quick read.

-Matt

Matt’s Week in Dork! (12/30/12-1/5/13)

    On Monday night, I attended Lisa and Brad’s New Years party, which was also Lisa’s birthday party.  I thought I was finishing up a cold, but it turned out I hadn’t even begun to fight.  The rest of the week was dominated by cold medication and attempts at sleep (including two 12 hour stretches).  So, I didn’t do much, outside of watching some movies, sleeping, and propping myself up at my job (sometimes reacting as though conscious).  At least I’m finally getting past it.  Ah health.


The Bloody Vampire:  “Look at it.  Look at it!”  Man, that was a boring and silly vampire movie.  Bad dubbing makes for some humorous moments, but otherwise, it’s a tough slog.  Not much happens.  A lot of people talk a lot.  Bad editing seems to kill most of the victims.  The end doesn’t work at all.

Jack Reacher:  Tom Cruise is a former cop who doesn’t play by the rules.  Yup.  It’s one of those movies.  Very 80s, with lots of moments that show Tom…I mean, Jack is oh, so cool.  It’s a bit sanitized, with much of the violence off camera, or cut away from.  But it’s still pretty violent (on a James Bond level, I guess).  And it’s fun, but fairly forgettable.  Herzog is kind of awesome, if somewhat pointless, as the villain.  And Rosamund Pike’s near cosmic cleavage should probably get its own agent, if not become a licensed hypnotist.

Wrath of the Titans:  “We had power before we had weapons.”  Breaking away from the remake territory of the first film, this is a more original, and more interesting story.  Plus, Sam Worthington is a lot less dull this time round (still not very exciting).  One of the things I like about this is that the monsters are monstrous.  The chimera at the beginning is straight-up disgusting.  I’m never a big fan of the ‘the magic is dying,’ ‘the time of the gods is ending’ kind of thing.  But, this is still a good deal of fun.  There’s a whole fathers and sons thing going here, which I guess is pretty common in fantasy film.  Fantasy in general, really, going back to the mythologies that gave rise to our religions.

GOD FIGHT!!!

    So, that was 2012.  Not really the best year.  But not the worst.  Living on my own has been fantastic.  I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep it up forever, but it has been a really good experience.  Keeping my own schedule without worry, just being free like you can’t be with a roommate, it’s awesome.  Not having internet has been a pain.

Sucker Punch:  I’m all for Mondo filmmaking.  Crank it to 11.  Go for it.  Don’t hold back.  Or, as they said in the 80s, ‘take it to the limit.’  So, when I saw the totally insane trailer for Sucker Punch, I thought, ‘Yes!  Here is my kind of madness.’  After all, Zack Snyder had made a whole bunch of movies I’d really enjoyed (the Dawn of the Dead remake, 300, Legend of the Guardians, Watchmen).  So an epic, dimension shifting pile of crazy with some girls slow-motion destroying their way through WWI battlefields, fantasy castles, and futuristic weirdness?  You know I’m down with all that.  But this movie is a mess, a total, aggravating mess.  Scattered, poorly thought out, disjointed, and too often emotionally forced, at every turn, it could be something really fantastic, but isn’t.  If it were limited to either one reality (best case), or two realities (if absolutely necessary) it might have worked.  But the third level of reality spoils everything, talking away the power of anything that happens.  Why does it matter if it’s a dream?  It really doesn’t matter if it’s a dream within a dream.  I mean, she’s imagining she’s a badass warrior while she’s imagining she’s dancing in a whorehouse, while she’s in an institution.  Ugh.  It doesn’t help that all the girls (many very pretty) are done up to look about as disgusting as could be.  The worst being Emily Browning, who looks like an anime fanboy/pedophile jackpot in her schoolgirl costume and ridiculous fake blond pigtails.  The film is such a disappointment, as any one of the dream settings might have made for a cool place for a complete story, especially the crazy fantasy-WWI.  Instead, each visit serves as a reminder of how the film could have been much better.

All Skanky on the Western Front

There Was a Crooked Man…:  I guess in the 70s people just liked their humor mixed with horror.  Cracking jokes one minute, and stone cold murder the next.  Ha ha ha, he killed that guy accidentally.  Ha ha ha, that woman is going to get raped.  Ha ha ha, a whole bunch of people got killed.  Oh, that rapscallion got a bunch of people shot down like dogs…isn’t he a charmer.  Like with my recent viewing of Fuzz (and movies like Mother Jugs and Speed and Mash) I find the humor in poor taste and most of the characters impossible to like.

Ha ha ha.  Murder.

Venture Bros. Season 4:  “He musta gut sucked into my enigma hole.”  Hunter and Brock talking about how sad a stripper’s breasts were had me actually crying with laughter.  I don’t know that this season is quite as good as earlier ones, but it’s still pretty danged funny.  Part of the problem is that Hatred is a much bigger part, and frankly, less is more with Hatred.  Though, when Hank becomes a private dick, there’s a whole lot of the old magic.  And Henchmen 21’s story is fantastic.

Doctor Who:  Revelation of the Daleks:  “Only fools would take the risks I do.” Doctor Who was such a strange show, and this story introduces a really nutty situation.  On a winter planet that is devoted to funerary arrangements, something rotten waits.  An evil mastermind’s head in a jar, the requisite idealist rebels, wacky 80s hair…zombies?  The later run of classic Who was downright nuts, with an almost surrealist/satirist streak akin to some UK comics, like 2000AD (featuring Judge Dredd!).  Several odd characters with their own somewhat extreme motivations are thrust together in a typical downward spiral of violence and madness.

Cosmopolis:  Look, David Cronenberg has made many great films.  So the man gets a bit of leeway from this film fan.  But after last year’s pretty darned disappointing Dangerous Method, this pretentious snooze-fest came as a pretty rough body blow.  It’s all people talking at each other, saying half-baked snippets of pseudo-intellectual stuff the actors clearly don’t understand.  Everyone seems drugged and listless.  There’s a lot of anxiety about technology and the future, themes Cronenberg has explored much more successfully and interestingly before.  I was reminded of the William Gibson documentary No Maps for These Places (I think that’s what it was called), which though it featured a lot of interesting stuff from Gibson, was so painfully arty (ART!!!) it was hard to sit through.  This  is the kind of thing I imagine college film students going nuts for.

I can't believe I'm listening to this crap.

Beasts of the Southern Wild:  “Want a chicken biscuit?”  In a strange world of have nots and crazies, people await the apocalyptic storm that is destined to drown them all.  Separated from the dry, safe world by the levy, people party and live with passion, because they’ve got no future.  A little girl watches the world with the wide eyes and a brave heart.  Her father is kind of a monster, but his brutish ways teach her self reliance, community, passion, and a will to survive.  There’s obviously a post-Katrina vibe to this film, but the world created feels like something out of a cyberpunk novel, with people on the outside of the technologic world.  These are the people who would live on the underside of Gibson’s domes.  In spirit, it reminds me somewhat of Tideland, in that it captures the pain, the fear, and the wonder of being a child, learning to deal with loss, danger, and the inevitable ends of things.

Killing Car:  I Know What You Did Last Summer as made by Jean Rollin.  If memory serves, this was Rollin’s first film after a fairly lengthy hiatus.  And it is missing a couple of his signature bits, like two women and a graveyard.  Still, you can tell it’s his work.  Not a lot of dialog, what there is doesn’t make a lot of sense, slow pace, dreamy logic, and a bunch of nudity.  It’s certainly not one of his better movies.  Partly, it’s the lackluster leading lady, party it’s the more obvious than usual budgetary limitations.  I don’t know, maybe there was too linear a plot for a Rollin film?  If you like the director’s work, you might as well check it out.  If not, this won’t win you over.  And if you’re unfamiliar with his work, this isn’t a good place to start.

Predators:  A bunch of predators and a bunch of Predators battle it out on a hostile world.  This is a much more proper sequel to the original film, and I’d like to see them go on in this fashion.  The cast is good, the effects are good, the action is good.  And it’s a cool story and setting (if simple).  There are lots of callbacks to the original, but the film is hardly slave to it.  Solid.  Now, when is the next one coming?

The Wolfman:  Clearly inspired by the original Universal Monster classic, I think this actually feels more akin to the Gothic horror of Hammer, with mist shrouded moors, deep family secrets, Gypsies, and fearful peasants.  I’m not in love with the CG, but it doesn’t totally suck.  I’m also not a huge fan of the wolfman design, but honestly, I didn’t like the original Universal one all that much either.  I guess I like my werewolves more biped wolf than man with wolf features.  It’s a pretty good flick, and I really like the mood of it.  I wish more horror movies would remember mood, instead of focusing so much on cheep jumpy bits.  It’s easy to startle people.  It’s hard to capture mood.

Intimate Confessions of a Chinese Courtesan:  “Don’t ever mess with Lady Chun.”  This movie seems to be sleazy when it shouldn’t be, and chaste when it should be more sleazy.  After abuse and the murder of an attempted savior, a young woman becomes the ultimate courtesan…for revenge!  There is some pretty cool fighting in this one, and some awesome sets.  But I had a hard time getting into the story, partly because the characters were generally unlikable.

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole:  An epic fantasy quest movie featuring heroic…owls?  It’s impressive how much emotion animators are able to get out of completely inhuman CG animals (sadly, more than many human actors seem capable of).  It’s really a gorgeous film, with shot after shot looking like some classic fantasy paperback cover art.  And interesting cast of characters, a dangerous journey, action packed battles, betrayals and heroics.  The only sour note is the crappy auto-tuned pop-song montage, seemingly an industry standard for kid aimed animation.  But the patented Zack Snyder slow-mo mixed with classic WWI style air combat (with owls instead of biplanes), is kind of cool.

An Angel for Satan:  This is a surprisingly sharp looking movie; one of those late black & white films that has the look of a modern movie done without color for reasons of style.  Barbara Steele is an odd one.  She’s almost beautiful, but somehow repellent at the same time.  Something about her Susan Sarandon eyes, I think.  Like they’re gonna fall right out of her face if she gets too upset.  And as is not uncommon in women with especially distinct features, she aged quickly, and not well.  Still, she is striking in her way.  The movie doesn’t feel Italian, and sadly, that’s because it’s technically well made.  Story wise it feels like something out of Roger Corman’s Poe era.  Replace the Count with Vincent Price, and the village idiot with Jack Nicholson, and nobody would know the difference.  Overall, not too bad.

    Other than that, I think the only thing I accomplished was reading a short story from A. Bertram Chandler’s To the Galactic Rim, With Good Intentions.  It was pretty good.  Really, that’s about it.

-Matt