Saturday, March 31, 2012

A Fistful of Gods! (Brad's Picks)

So, anyone out there actually excited for Wrath of the Titans?  No?  Yer all just going to go see the blandness that is The Hunger Games again?  Lame.  Well, I actually enjoyed the CGIriffic remake from a few years back despite another wooden performance from Sam Worthington, and even though I miss the days of yore with Ray Harryhausen's brilliant stop-motion art, it's always fun to see the Greek Gods go bananas on insignificant puny humans.  And how can you not love Liam Neeson's oh-so-shiny God armor?  But, if I were to pick my favorite cinematic incarnations of the divine they would have to be...

5. Trismegistus (The Keep): One part Hermes, one part Thoth.  I believe Michael Mann and author F. Paul Wilson are the only ones to ever play around with this monster of muscles and I don't think the film ever put a name to the red-eyed being.  Unleashed thanks to some Nazi snooping, Trismegistus might have surpassed the horrors of World War II if not for Scott Glen's mysterious (and completely incomprehensible) stranger.  Whatever the case, F that Gabriel Byrne.

4.  Thor (Adventures in Babysitting):  The God of Thunder doesn't just hang around Asgard and party with The Avengers.  Sometimes he chillaxes in New York City helping hot babysitters with their car troubles.  Sure, he's kinda gruff at first but once you give him back his winged helmet, he's all blonde smiles.

3.  God (A Serious Man):  A seriously hilarious and downright painful re-telling of Job, the god of A Serious Man puts Michael Stuhlbarg's college professor through the wringer.  His kids care only for nose jobs and F Troop, his wife falls for the slimy politeness of Sy Ableman, the Columbia House records henchman won't take "No" for an answer, his brother's boil won't seep, his antisemitic neighbor has the ideal father/son relationship, and the rabbis are useless but easy on speeches.  There's a storm coming, but what's it all mean...nothing, yer screwed.  If only his ancestors had been kinder to a Dybbuk.

2.  The Alpha & Omega Bomb (Beneath the Planet of the Apes):  So Chuck Heston thought the worst thing that could happen in this future world was a little ape uprising, but that was before he met the religious mutant zealots underground.  They're pig ugly and bassackwards but who can blame them for worshipping The End when Dr. Zaius's goons are storming the castle.   ALL HAIL THE BOMB!

1.  The Supreme Being (Time Bandits):  Sure, he's a giant luminous head when he needs to terrify a child and his gang of thieving dwarves, but at his core The Supreme Being is just a kindly suited Ralph Richardson picking up Evil's leftovers.  Robin Hood, Napoleon, Agamemnon.   It's all part of the plan.


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