Saturday, March 24, 2012

A Fistful of Hunger Games! (Brad's Picks)

The whole world seems interested in only one movie this weekend, The Hunger Games.  Me, I'm gonna get to it eventually.  But all this Battle Royale, Running Man, Lord of the Flies rip-off talk got me thinking about the best bits of food related survival.  Throw me into the jungle with a bow and arrow and I couldn't hit a squirrel let alone another Deer Hunter.  But what about the folks below?  How would they do, up against Katniss?

5.  Pig Hunt (First Blood):  A small town sheriff, his army of deputies, the National Guard, and an armada of media vultures have Rambo pinned in the mountains.  But all he needs is his trusty blade tied to a stick and he's got a pig roast just minutes from his stomach.  Self Sufficient Badass.

4.  The Rabbit Lady (Roger & Me):  This 1989 Documentary from Michael Moore is still his best.  The "Documentarian" examines the economic decline of Flint, Michigan after General Motors shuts down several auto plants.  One such victim is Rhonda Britton, who sells her rabbits for "pet or meat."  In one such striking image, Britton cracks a rabbit's skull with a pipe and it's something I've never been able to shake from my brain.  A different world summed up in an organic, crunching sound.

3.  Gollum's Fish Song (The Lord of the Rings-The Two Towers):  Gollum, the saddest most wretched character in the saga.  But he's at his happiest when noodling for fish singing his screechy song.  Too bad Frodo has to betray him to some untrusting rangers.

The cold hard lands                                           Alice without breath
They bites our hands,                                        As cold as death
They gnaws our feet,                                         Never thirsting, ever drinking
The rocks and stones                                        Clad in mail, never clinking.
Are like old bones                                              Drowns on dry land
All bare of meat.                                                Thinks an island
But stream and pool                                           Is a mountains,
Is wet and cool                                                  Thinks a fountain
So nice for feet!                                                 Is a puff of air
And now we wish........                                       So sleek, so fair!
                                                                          What a joy to meet!
                                                                          We only wish
                                                                          To catch a fish,
                                                                          So juicy-sweet!

2.  Woody's S&M Rave Burrito (Rampart):  When did I know things were not going to go well for Woody Harrelson's racist beat cop?  Well, to be honest, from the second the title came up.  But the second moment in the film where I knew things were going to go seriously south was when I watched Woody tear into the grossest looking burrito I've ever seen cinematically portrayed and as he mashed his face through the tortilla and the strobe lights of the S&M club burned into his retina--the end was near!

1.  Some Good Barbecue (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre):  Is there any greater display of The Hunger Games than Tobe Hooper's Texas BBQ?  The answer is obviously, no.  Leatherface and Family snatch up drifters for their meathooks and fill their pales with their blood.  Makes for good sausage.  And if you're skilled enough to survive their hunt then you could probably take on any dystopian Running Man...that is, if you were not batshit crazy by the end of the whole ordeal.


No comments:

Post a Comment