Friday, January 13, 2012

A Fistful of Friday the 13th! (Brad's Picks)

If I were going to pick my favorite Horror Film Slasher, Jason Voorhees most certainly would not be it (that honor must go to Leatherface with Freddy right behind him).  That being said I can watch the Friday the 13th films over and over and over again without ever getting bored despite their stubborn repetitiveness.  To celebrate the first Friday the 13th of 2012, we here at ITMOD are running down our favorite Jason moments.

5.  Jason Knocks Julius' Block Off (Friday the 13th Part VIII:  Jason Takes Manhattan):  Despite being my absolutely least favorite of the Friday films, this punch heard round the world has now appeared on two of my Fistful Fridays.  For a movie promising for Jason to Take Manhattan it spends far too much time on a cruise ship bound for NY with the dullest batch of teen fodder the franchise has to offer.  However, there is a tiny highlight when token black guy Julius decides to go mano y goalie; one swift uppercut later Julius has lost his head.

4.  Jason Steals Freddy's Kill (Freddy vs Jason):  One of the best Midnight Movie screenings I've ever attended was for Freddy vs. Jason, a film I'd been waiting at least ten years to see on the big screen.  The Crowd was totally into this cinematic Cash of the Titans; hooting, hollering, tossing popcorn at the screen, and screaming their damn heads off.  The best Hoot & Holler moment though came when Freddy slowly stalks our favorite Ginger Snap, Katherine Isabelle through his Nightmare boiler room.  Just before Freddy has the chance to give her the 'ole four finger slash, Jason impales her unconscious, nearly date-raped body in a middle America cornfield rave.  The Crowd lost its mind.

3.  Jason in 3-D!!! (Friday the 13th Part 3):  Forget Titanic in 3D, forget The Phantom Menace in 3D, forget Beauty and the Beast in 3D--Give Me Friday the 13th Part III upconverted to 3D NOW!  Two films into his hack & slash universe, Jason Voorhees finally dons the hockey mask and starts chucking pitchforks, machetes, and harpoons RIGHT AT YA!  This is the purpose of 3D.  Gimmicks.  None of this world-building nonsense for me, I just want to dodge summersaulting hammers thank you very much.

2.  Jason Rises From The Grave, Punches Out A Heart (Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI):  Tommy Jarvis has been tormented by Jason Voorhees for two whole films (Parts 4 & 5) but decides at the start of the fifth movie to give Jason a graveyard checkup.  Bad idea.  One mystical lightning strike later and Jason Lives!  First order of business, punching through the chest of Tommy's graverobber friend and reclaiming his hockey mask.  Nice going doofuses.

1.  Evil Gets An Upgrade (Jason X):  I Love, Love, Love this movie.  Earlier I stated that Jason is far from my favorite Slasher, but Jason X is definitely my favorite Slasher Film (mmmmm....okay Texas Chainsaw Massacre is still my favorite but I LOVE JASON X!!!!).  Set in the 25th Century, a High School Field Trip back to the wastelands of Earth uncovers a long frozen Jason just itching to be reawakened for slaughter.  He hacks and slashes his way through orbit and just when you think the kids have him bested, tiny nanites reconstruct him into Uber-Jason!  Now he's all shiny and ready to wrap your naked holograms up in a sleeping bags and bash 'em against holographic trees.  Jason X cranks the absurdity of the franchise up to 11.

Bonus Simon Bisley Art:


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