Rumor Control/Panic Attack: Marvel's New 52???

Two years ago Marvel relaunched their line under the branding of Marvel Now!  All-New #1s!  On the surface this was nothing new for comic fans; a simple jump-on point for new readers walking out of movie theaters & into comic shops.  I'm still not sure if that logic is sound, but I really enjoyed the creative roster change...at first.  I certainly appreciated their creative shake up compared to DC's totally batshit reboot of The New 52.  I currently read only 5 DC monthly titles (Batman, Detective Comics, Batman Eternal, Green Arrow, Multiversity) & by next month it could be half that.  They are a stagnated company, and despite owning two of the most popular characters on the planet, they can't seem to tell a fresh story to save their life.  I just suffered a year long, dull, drab Gotham City origin story from the supposed A-Team of Scott Snyder & Greg Capullo, and I found the whole bland experience rather depressing.  Fingers crossed on the mad genius of Grant Morrison.

But Marvel's faltered along the way too.  Brian Michael Bendis' All-New X-Men started out as a madcap melodrama centered around the original team's time travel antics, but it's pretty much been dragging its feet for twenty plus issues.  Move the story along please.  Indie Darling Matt Fraction dished out some of the cutest/cleverest comics in FF & Hawkeye, but unknown behind-the-scenes gripes drove the man towards Image Comics.  Jason Aaron's triple threat Thor reinvigorated the God of Thunder for his first two arcs, but recent stories have lacked in the consequence department.  Rick Remender's Uncanny Avengers has been nothing but peaks & valleys - it's great! it's dumb! it's great! it's dumb!  His Captain America has never quiet sat right with me - Dimension Zola?  Ugh.  And let's not even discuss Iron Man.  It's dreck.  You can't dismiss Marvel Now like The New 52, but things are getting stale.  So you know what that means?  All-New #1s!!!

Newsarama just published an article speculating a line wide reboot akin to The New 52.   Time to panic?  Well, first, I'm not so sure I agree with their findings.  Second, a reboot is not really a reboot.  The old comics are there.  They still exist.  Also, The New 52 is really no different from the Universe we all grew up on, and I'm sure the same will be said for Marvel if it chooses to Crisis.  Third, this reboot will spawn out of Jonathan Hickman's Avengers/New Avengers "Time Runs Out" storyline.  I may be a little lukewarm on his cohorts, but I have been absolutely mesmerized since Hickman took over Marvel's flagship title.  Hickman has always been about The Big Picture, and each month I am left flabbergasted with how he's taken these tiny bits and weaved a grand, cosmic story.  I once thought he was simply building to last year's Mega Event (Infinity, the best one Marvel's had in over a decade), but now it appears that story was just another building block in Hickman's grander scheme.

For fanboys, it's easy to freak.  Black Captain America!  Lady Thor!  Evil Iron Man!  Comics, man.  They do weird wild stuff.  They have to.  Marvel just had it's 75th Birthday; that's a lot of web-slinging for Spider-Man, and you can only kill the Green Goblin once...or twice...or threefourfivesixsevenbajillion times.  It's hard to keep things interesting.  Some of their clickbait storylines are not going to work.  And some will.  The New 52 might stink now.  Marvel might go down the toilet.  There are only so many Jonathan Hickmans, Ed Brubakers, Robert Kirkmans in this world.  Given the right writer, any storyline or character can be saved.  I might skip on a title this month or this year, but I am always happy to jump back in.

--Brad

Comic Reviews: The Phantom Stranger and S&B Vs A&P

The Phantom Stranger

    This whole New 52 business gave me a chance and excuse to try out a bunch of DC characters I hadn’t read (or in some cases heard of) before.  I’m not a fan of starting somewhere in the middle, though I understand all these long-running comics make that a necessity.  Anyway, I dig a lot of those old, pre-Crisis type titles from DC.  The ones that are closer to Tales from the Crypt than to The Fantastic Four.  Swamp Thing, for example, or The Specter.  So The Phantom Stranger made my reading list.  And, it’s… OK.

    It feels very 70s, from the art to the writing style.  And I like that.  I could imagine it being in black & white, in one of those oversized magazine comics, like Savage Sword of Conan.  It feels a bit like watching a horror anthology show, or reading those old Eerie or Creepy comics.  The book starts out pretty good, giving the Stanger’s origin, tying him to some of the other weird characters (Captain Marvel aka Shazam, for example), and seeing the creation of an incarnation of The Specter.  I liked all the hints about the other two members of his ‘Trinity of Sin.’  And the appearance of the ghost of the original Terrance Thirteen!!!  Heck, I even kind of liked when you see what the Stranger gets up to when he’s not being terribly mysterious.  But once John Constantine and the Justice League Dark show up, the whole thing falls apart.  There’s more about the Specter, some about Pandora, and hey, The Question pops by.  But I found myself tuning out, like it lost focus, or I did.  Either way, by the last few pages of the trade, I suddenly didn’t care what happened next.  Bummer.  And I know people love John Constantine.  But after reading Alan Moore’s creation of him in Saga of the Swamp Thing, and now seeing him pop up in other things, I kind of hate him.  By ‘kind of’ I mean ‘really, really.’

Superman & Batman Vs. Aliens & Predator

    Obviously, this is a wacky, silly crossover gimmick.  DC and Dark Horse putting together some of their most popular titles.  Not at all the only time this sort of thing has happened.  Dark Horse itself mixed Tarzan and the Predators.  Green Lantern went up against the Aliens.  Batman and the Predators seem to work well together.  Superman and the Aliens, I guess.  But throwing them all together,  especially in such a short piece, was just too much.

    The art is pretty, with a painterly aspect.  It reminded me a bit of that old Euro comic, Ranx I think it was called.  The one with that hideous muscled guy and his little girl companion.  But the writing is pretty bad.  OK, it’s straight up awful.  The idea of a lost tribe of Predators living in the underground of Peru might have made for a good Batman adventure.  But the banter between him and Superman is lame.  The stuff with TDI is just dumb.  Overall, not as much fun as the goofy concept led me to hope.

Trinity of Sin: The Phantom Stranger Volume 1: A Stranger Among Us
Author: Dan Didio
Artists: Brent Anderson, etc.
Publisher: DC Comics
ISBN: 978-1-4012-4088-2

Superman And Batman Versus Aliens and Predator
Author: Mark Schultz
Artist: Ariel Olivetti
Publishers: DC Comics & Dark Horse Books
ISBN: 978-1-4012-1328-2


-Matt

"If I Just Ran A Little Faster..." - Professor Zoom Makes A Mess of Things in New 52 Prequel, The Flashpoint Pardox!

This is a bit of a tough sell for me.  In an effort to set up The New 52 continuity, DC Comics & writer Geoff Johns concocted the Flashpoint miniseries in which Professor Zoom (the reverse Flash) ran back in time & switched a few key events.  The Flash counter attacked by trying to set things right and what we were left with was The New 52.  Oh comic books, how I love your silliness.  Now The Flashpoint nonsense is the key subject matter of the latest Justice League direct-to-dvd movie.  The trailer really doesn't excite me, but I love the voice cast.  Kevin Conroy as Batman, Nathan Fillion as Green Lantern, Ron Perlman as Deathstroke, Cary Elwes as Aquaman, C Thomas Howell as Reverse Flash, and Kevin McKidd as Flashpoint Batman.  And it's directed by Jay Oliver who helmed the utterly badass & brilliant Dark Knight Returns films.  So I'll check it out, but I don't think it's going to be a blind buy come July 30th.

Comic Review: Swamp Thing 1 & 2

Volume 1

    When DC’s New 52 started, I figured it would be a good time to give a bunch of their characters a try.  One of the first issues I read was for Swamp Thing.  I’d always liked the look of the character, I’d heard some good things about comics from the past, and I’d liked the 80s movie.  But the first issue was pretty dull, featuring Superman for crying out loud.  I figured I’d skip that one.  For some reason, a few months later, I read the ‘issue 0’ when that gimmick flexed through the various New 52 lines, and suddenly I questioned my choice.  I really enjoyed the story, and it was one of the things that pushed me to finally sit down to Alan Moore’s venerated run.  So, here I am, a year or so later, reading the first two trades of Scott Snyder’s new series.  Snyder also wrote one of the other New 52 titles I ended up liking, the Batman: Court of Owls story.  He’s obviously delving back into the early life of Earth’s Green champion here, including Moore’s material.  How it all fits in this weird re-launch of the DC universe, who can say?  But the Green, Red, and Rot could be a very interesting battle.

    While I’m not in love with the art, it’s a heck of a lot better than several of the lines out there.  And it feels like the wacky panel work is trying to capture some of the strange stuff from the classic run.  The stuff with the Rot and its creatures is disgusting.  Really disgusting.  The story is OK, though this reborn Alec Holland is king of a putz.  He Luke Skywalkers up the first volume quite a bit, and I was ready for him to get run over on his way to pick up some power converters.  Abby once again seems to be a more interesting character, with more going on.

Volume 2

    All kinds of crazy stuff happens in the second book of Scott Snyder’s new Swamp Thing.  Abby and the Rot.  Alec and the green.  Some flashback stuff about Arcane and the Un-Men.  Even a flashback to young Alec as a college student on a fieldtrip to Eastern Europe.  But in spite of a couple pretty big things happening, it feels like it’s primarily designed to set up the Rotworld story I think may be going on in the comic (as well as Animal Man) right now.  Shows how much I keep up on current events.

    I’m very curious to see where this series goes, and what connections to some of the other characters it might forge.  There is a brief appearance of Poison Ivy at the end of volume 2 (which seems to be some kind of a time jump forward…or something).  As I was reading Alan Moore’s run, especially when Swamp Thing ended up in Gotham, I kept thinking he and Poison Ivy needed to meet.  Seems someone else thought the same.  And what’s going on with Abby?  I’m assuming that glimpse into the future was from an imperfect vantage point.  This sure has the potential to be one of the better DC titles (granted, there’s not an awful lot of competition).  It’s really their game to botch at this point.  Can Snyder and company take the ideas they’ve introduced and not screw them up?  We’ll see.

Swamp Thing Volume 1: Raise Them Bones
Author: Scott Snyder
Artist: Yanick Paquette
Publisher: DC Comics
ISBN: 978-1-4012-3462-1

Swamp Thing Volume 2: Family Tree
Author: Scott Snyder
Artist: Yanick Paquette
Publisher: DC Comics
ISBN: 978-1-4012-3462-1


-Matt

Brad's Week In Dork! (4/21/13-4/27/13)

Yes, I stalled on the Martin Scorsese-a-thon.  No real reason.  Just haven't tracked down a copy of New York, New York yet.  Looks like I might have to dive deep and purchase the blu ray to make that happen.  But the rest of the week wasn't that crazy.  I found myself in a work stretch of 7 days, coming home and not really wanting to blitz through cinema.  I read a good batch of comics, but nothing I really want to focus on here.  The big news came from the big screen.  Pain & Gain (thanks mostly to The Rock) earned a spot as my second favorite film of 2013 so far (yes, Steven Soderbergh's Side Effects still reigns supreme and I find that so completely strange).  But both Oblivion & Lords of Salem proved to be interesting theatrical experiences, but also films I just couldn't back fully.  I'm still waiting for that Great Movie.  Iron Man 3 hits next weekend, fingers crossed for flawless Summer entertainment.

Animal Man - The Hunt & Animal vs. Man:  Running side-by-side with Scott Snyder's Swamp Thing, but where Alec Holland battles The Rot from the The Green side, stuntman turned super hero Buddy Baker battles the decaying force from the side of The Red.  Green = plant lifeforce.  Red = animal lifeforce.  The big difference here is that where Snyder is completely & utterly faithful to the Saga that came before (you cannot ignore Alan Moore), writer Jeff Lemire has little interest in following Grant Morrison's footsteps.  Morrison's fourth wall shattering comic is written off as nothing more than a dream.  Lemire's Animal Man is as new as The New 52.  And that is absolutely not a bad thing.  The first tradepaperback centers around his daughter Maxine taking on the powers of The Red - after she resurrects the corpses of all the neighborhood pets.  Their journey takes them into the realm where Animal Man's powers began and together they discover the real deal behind Buddy's origin as well as the invading force of The Rot.  The second tradepaperback takes Buddy & family on the road with three servants of The Rot chasing their tail.  Hellblazer John Constantine appears to point Buddy in the direction of The Swamp Thing, and the two books rush towards each other.  Lemire relishes the grotesque, taking full advantage of artists Travel Foreman & Steve Pugh.  These guys know gross.  They've been waiting their whole careers for The Rot.  Twisted creatures covered in tumors, claws, tentacles, and leaking blood & puss.  You want monsters (and who doesn't want monsters?) then you'll get your fill on Animal Man.  The vaults & crypts of EC Comics are not locked shut, but are thrown wide open in The New 52.  Take a peak.

Oblivion:  "That is one pissed off weapon!"  Joseph Kosinski follows up the underrated Tron Legacy with this post-apocalyptic mystery reminiscent of...well, Everything.  Planet of the Apes, Alien, 2001, Outland, Zardoz, Moon, Wall-E, and I Am Legend (the book as well as all 3 adaptations).  As a science-fiction film about science-fiction films it's a good enough time at the movies.  Tom Cruise fights for the users; the human race has fled to Titan after a cataclysmic war with The Scavengers left Mother Earth decimated.  He's a worker bee.  Looking after the drones that guard the hydro towers converting what's left of Earth's natural resources.  Don't want to get too much into spoiler territory here, but whatever the revelations they're too familiar to be exciting.  Tom Cruise makes it work though.  The man knows earnest.  His scowls & shouts can pretty much sell any ridiculous sci-fi trope.  Doesn't hurt either when Morgan Freeman pops by to add an extra layer of exposition.  Production design is the real king of the film.  From the sweeping icelandic landscapes to the industrial Scav bunkers, the world of Oblivion feels legit even when the story settles on homage.

The Lords of Salem:  For the first ten minutes I thought I was going to love this movie.  The opening scene depicting the Satanic Rights of Meg Foster's coven are so delightfully Devil's Rain, and I was hopeful that Rob Zombie's latest would offer another grande trip down genre memory lane.  After all, The Devil's Rejects is a perfect piece of 70s exploitation and the gore hound's crown jewel.  Then the misses shows up.  And Sheri Moon Zombie is not the actress this movie needed.  Her disc jockey banter grinds the film to a halt.  Jeff Daniel Phillips, Ken Foree, & Sheri Moon - just a couple of chums chuckling it up with absolutely zero chemistry.  But every moment Meg Foster is on screen with her wretched staring contests is utterly unnerving.  And when Dee Wallace teeny boppers her way through the black rights, The Lords of Salem is a barrel of dead monkeys.  Rob Zombie is an expert at showcasing nonsensical dream imagery - he makes a great music video.  Goats.  Neon Crosses.  Smoke banks.  Jiggly mutant midgets.  Satan worshiping werewolves.  When he relishes in the blasphemy The Lords of Salem is a creepy, wrong-headed enchantment.

Django Unchained:  I just can't stay away.  Six watches.  I know I said this last week, but this is definitely my favorite of the Tarantino flicks so far.  You may be able to argue the superior quality of both Jackie Brown & Inglourious Basterds, but Django Unchained is the flick QT made for Brad.  Yeah, it's a Western or Southern - whatever.  So already you're playing in my favorite genre.  But then you add the hero's quest against the backdrop of America's great shame, and the resulting rage is not just cathartic but highly entertaining.  Tarantino drags his audience through the muck and filth of history, a horrendous reminder, but when Django stands victorious in front of an exploded plantation I am on my feet in twisted joy.  It's a brutal watch, but a necessary one.  Entertainment as social conscious.  

Pain & Gain:  Shave 30 minutes from the runtime and we might have had the first great film of 2013.  It's certainly the most captivating performance from The Rock to ever assault an audience.  His Paul Doyle is a born again cokefiend convict who falls in with the Sun Gym Gang when The Church grabs for his manbits instead of his eternal soul.  When rags goes to riches and riches to cocaine, The Rock goes full demento, acting to the heavens and achieving comic genius.  Finally, an actor who understands his Baysplosion surroundings.  And as he's proven in Ted & The Other Guys, Mark Wahlberg only excels when he's wrapped in the absurd.  His orgasmic slow motion expressions are almost as entertaining as The Rock's green inked beard & toeless panic.  Yes, Michael Bay's sophomoric, homophobic, misogynistic comedy has finally found a place in this "True Story" attack on the American Dream.  Should we forgive him now for those Transformer balls dangling over John Turturro's head?  Hell no.  It just so happens that Bay's indulgences fit swimmingly into Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely's screenplay.  The Rock, Walhberg, and Anthony Mackie are a tremendous trilogy of dunces and it's a hoot to see them stumble into the atrocities resulting from their criminal delusions of grandeur.  But should such a gross and tragic "True Story" be a hoot?  It's a little awkward to laugh at The Rock grilling severed hands on his BBQ when THE IS STILL A TRUE STORY crawls across the screen.  It is a messed up and bizarre crime spree that is also funny as hell.  Darwin Awards couldn't possibly do these dolts justice.  Pain & Gain certainly doesn't idolize the dimwits, but the reality makes my enjoyment a little complicated if not distressing.

Creation Entertainment's Official Star Trek Convention - Cherry Hill, NJ:  After work on Friday, The Wife & I braved DC traffic to travel north to the strip malls of sunny New Jersey.  There, tucked away in a corner of the Cherry Hill Crowne Plaza, Creation Entertainment was hosting their Official East Coast Star Trek Convention.  This was Lisa's first Trekkie Con and I was kinda hoping for something epic, but Jersey doesn't do epic.  Billed as the 20 year celebration of Deep Space Nine, the con was little more than a dozen Vendor tables & a sprinkling of Trek Celebrities.  The big names were Avery Brooks (Capt. Sisko), Michael Dorn (Worf), Gates McFadden (Dr. Crusher), Nana Visitor (Major Kira), Rene Auberjonois (Constable Odo), and Armin Shimerman (Quark).  They rotated the tables, no one celebrity sticking out through the entirety of the convention, and for the most part we were happy with our awkward fandom interactions.  Lisa chatted vegan lifestyles with Dorn.  Nana Visitor complemented us on our matching Niners ballcaps (aren't we adorable!).  And Rene Auberjonois was very pleasant in accepting Lisa's full-on Boston Legal lovefest.  Every couple of hours one of them would take the stage for storytime.  Nana Visitor revealed Odo as her best DS9 lover "Just think of the shape shifting possibilities."  Cirroc Lofton droned on about his encounter with The Ark of the Covenant in Ethiopia, refusing to take questions from the crowd.   Michael Dorn chanted ballbreaking lies of Gates McFadden stripping for the cast of TNG.  And Avery Brooks managed to take a bevy of questions, but offered no answers.  The man is wonderfully jazzy & zen, and probably bat shit crazy.  "Either you're a god or you're not.  I'm a human being...relationship with the divine...it doesn't change me.  I'm not fooled!  I still see you out there!"  Whoa.  Anyway, it was a hotel con.  Quiet.  Odd.  More expensive than you'd like.  But another fun weekend in the weird world of dorkery.

--Brad

Comic Review: Batgirl Volume 2

Volume 1 of Batgirl was one of those big surprises, because it was pretty good.  Still more of what I expect from DC than Batwoman’s more EC Comics vibe, it wasn’t ultra-silly.  And the way each villain reflected an aspect of her own character made things interesting.  This second volume builds on the first pretty well, pitting her against Grotesque, who isn’t a reflection of her, so much as a collector looking for a prize.  But the story does force her to finally confront the last barrier of her recovery, as she faces one of the men who was with the Joker the night she was paralyzed.  With that final confrontation and catharsis, Barbara Gordon and her alter ego Batgirl are finally ready to step back into the ring and become a crime fighter Gotham needs.  That brings us to the second major villain of this volume, and what appears to be the major conflict being set up for the series, Knightfall.  And there’s the reappearance of Barbara’s brother James, who apparently has a storied career in the pages of DC comics, of which I was unaware until recently.  Looks like he’s going to be involved in some serious trouble coming up, too.

There’s lots of action, plenty of fist fights, and henchmen bashing.  The art is fine, if not especially memorable.  And Gail Simone does a passable job writing, seeming to have toned down a bit of the false-hipness of the first volume.  Batgirl’s running commentary is still somewhat distracting and often contains the more groan-worthy bits of dialog.  But it’s not too bad.  The brief aside to deal with the Night of Owls multi-title event was distracting, especially since it doesn’t seem to effect anything else in the series.  But that’s kind of the problem with cross-over events.  I guess the big breakout at Arkham Asylum (which isn’t really talked about in that Night of Owls issue, but that I know about because of reading some of the other series) does cast a shadow over things.  Still.

Unlike Batwoman, which had such a dramatic shift in art style, and I would hazard quality, between volume 1 and volume 2 (so much so that I gave up on the series), this feels like a natural progression from the first volume.  And if you enjoyed the first volume, you should enjoy this one, too.  From those I’ve read, it seems to be one of the better of the New 52 lineup.  Not amazing.  Not a ‘must read.’  But if you’re looking for a Bat title that doesn’t suck, check it out.

Batgirl: Volume 2  Knightfall Descends
Author: Gail Simone
Artists: Adrian Syaf, etc.
Publisher: DC Comics
ISBN: 978-1-4012-3816-2

-Matt

Brad's Week in Dork! (10/7/12-10/13/12)

This week I continued to struggle with the spirit of Halloween.  For the last five years, I've managed to watch 31 Horror Films in 31 Days (well, usually it's more like 62 films in 31 Days), but that streak appears to be over.  Don't get me wrong, I'm gonna keep cranking out the horror this month but my attention just keeps getting pulled elsewhere.  I mean, Taken 2...can you blame me?  And I've been more devoted to comics lately than the silver screen.  Uncanny Avengers, Batman some big things are happening in mainstream comics.  And the countdown to December 5th has begun, Hellboy in Hell will hit soon and I really want to crank through my Dark Horse Library Editions before the next chapter in the saga begins...those BPRD hardcovers as well.

TV OF THE WEEK!

Fringe Season 5 Episode 2 "In Absentia":  We're only two episodes into the final season and I'm trying real hard not to question (or fear) where this Days of Future Past story is going to leave our favorite characters.  I'm just not feeling the evil Observers plot.  But it's too damn early to start bitching.  Fringe is one of my all time favorite shows and I'm willing to sit back and just watch...unless we get to episode 6 and I'm still scratching my head.  Peter & Olivia's daughter bugs me.  Her Machiavellian torture sequence had me groaning a bit.  And Olivia's disapproving stares didn't help.  But Walter is still damn awesome.  Breaking back into Harvard was fun.  "Criterion Collection, Forgive Me."  That's brilliant.  Let's see where this all goes.

MOVIES OF THE WEEK!

Club Dread:  Super Troopers was an odd debut.  A dumb stoner comedy centered around the slackers who inhabit the Vermont State Police.  Not a mega hit, but a definite indie darling.  As far as follow ups go, Club Dread might not have been what fans of Super Troopers were looking for, but I ate it up.  Bill Paxton's washed up party rocker Coconut Pete is too damn funny and there is not enough of him, but this is a Broken Lizard flick and you gotta love these guys if you're gonna get anything outta the soooo stooopid jokey jokes.  A wannabe Jason Vorhees stalks the bikini clad bodies of Pino Coladaburg with Kevin Heffernan's zen master orgasm machine leads the baked staff against the rampaging Fun Police.  I really do enjoy the role reversal going on in Club Dread.  Heffernan goes from the a-hole Farva of Super Troopers to the heroic lead, mystically snatching the heart Brittany Daniel.  Jay Chandrasekhar leaves the straight man routine behind for the dreadlocked buffoonery of Putman.  It's a dumb goof, but I find plenty of chuckles.

Killer Klowns From Outer Space:  I'm still amazed when I find people who've never seen Killer Klowns From Outer Space.  You can't call yourself a movie fan without experiencing the cotton candy horror of the Chiodo Brothers.  The title pulls you in, the clown suits keep you glued, and John Vernon's split mouth puppet routine will terrify you.  Is this a comedy?  Sure.  It's schlocky funny.  But I really do find the whole experience rather unsettling.  The balloon dog squeaks.  The alien, chubby fat grimaces.  Gross.  Weird.  Essential.

House of 1000 Corpses:  Looking back to the year 2003, I'm not really sure why I was so pumped for Rob Zombie's directorial debut.  Maybe I was reading too much Fangoria.  Maybe I listened to the Hellbilly Deluxe album too hard and too often.  But for whatever reason, I was extremely excited to see House of 1000 Corpses.  And then the big day came, and I really hated it.  It wasn't until a few years later with the release of the far superior The Devil's Rejects that I was able to subject myself to the House again.  My problem with this flick has always been the Zombie Kitchen Sink Vomiting approach to storytelling.  It really feels like Zombie thought he'd never direct a film again so he threw in EVERYTHING he loves about horror into one neon mess of a film.  Watching it now I can appreciate that idea.  But I really wish this film was more about the Dr. Satan climax with that beastly gas mask axe wielder and less about the Texas Chainsaw family.  Bill Mosley is great and scary crazy.  Sid Haig is a whole lotta fun as Captain Howdy.  But they're a lot better in Devil Rejects and that's a much better film.  House of 1000 Corpses is just a bright MTV mess.

Taken 2:  So.  Your ex-wife is having marital troubles with the man that replaced you.  Your daughter can't seem to pass her Driver's Ed exam.  How do you pick up their spirits?  Invite them on your business trip to sunny Istanbul.  Nothing bad could possibly happen, right?  It's not like a ring of Albanian mobsters once tried to kidnap your daughter and their really pissed off father is out looking for some Eastern European vengeance...oh wait...maybe the Turkey vacation getaway was not such a good idea.  Taken 2 is more of the same.  And that's awesome.  Boris The Blade sends his lowrent goonsquad (after all, Neeson slaughtered the A Team during the last go around) after Neeson and his fam, and its a brisk 90s minutes of PG-13 butchery.  I take so much pleasure from grizzled ass kicking Neeson breaking necks and shooting ruffians in the back.  Both Maggie Grace & Famke Janssen get a little more screentime, but this is Neeson's show and he excels at murdering the bad guys. They never had a chance; can't wait to see what pathetic group of baddies they dig up for Taken 3.

Twins of Evil:  Maybe not Hammer's finest hour, but Twins of Evil is one of my favorites from the studio.  Peter Cushing is one mean bastard witch finder general and when a swarthy vampire count seduces his twin nieces, his pious killer gets plenty of opportunity to scream and vent his hypocritical rage.  There's a little T and a little A, but not the copious amounts you might expect.  Playboy's Collinson twins get the job done and their vampiric seduction (or half seduction) offers plenty of heaving bosoms and snarling fangs.  Not high art Hammer, but fun enough.

Frankenstein:  Of the Universal Monster Movies, Frankenstein has never been one of my favorites.  I'm a Wolf Man kinda guy.  But my wife has never seen the James Whale classic.  And I thought it was about time we changed that.  However, we started it maybe a little too late, and the work day might have been a touch too long.  15 minutes into this 70 minute film and the Wife was out like a light.  I, of course, continued to watch.  I've seen this film about a half dozen times now.  And you know how everyone champions Boris Karloff's sad face monster?  Well, this was actually the first time I paid attention.  The Monster really is a painfully sad creation.  Actually, this whole film is tremendously sad.  From Boris' puppy dog grunting to the girl in the lake to the father's sad trek through the village.  My head was in the right place to feel the pain of Frankenstein.  I'm still not an uber fan, but when the windmill lights up and the screams start, I just couldn't help but feel the tragedy.

Quartermass II:  Saturday Night was my friend Robert's annual Trilogy of Horror Movie Night.  Every year Matt, Robert, and myself pick a film to subject to each other.  Matt picks a classic horror.  Robert picks a fabulous horror.  And I pick whatever the hell I want.  This year Matt went Hammer.  I've never seen the first Quartermass, but apparently it's not necessary.  Part II is kind of a cross between Invasion of the Body Snatchers and Lovecraft's The Colour Out of Space.  Professor Quartermass is busy with his rocket launch, but when boil inducing meteorites start dropping from the sky his attention is pulled towards a secret government installation and its machine gun packing zombies.  It's a heap of fun with some pretty fantastic effects work.  The Tar Man!  It might be a challenge to score a copy, but if you have the proper back channels than this one is well worth a look.

Vampire Boys:  Well, done Robert.  Well done.  When country boy Jasin moves to LA (you can tell it's LA cuz every three seconds there's an establishing shot of the city) he becomes the target of a shirtless gang of Vampire Boys.  Their leader Caleb believes him to be the one but first he must test him out with an endless series of make-out sessions and the killing of his sadsack roommate Paul.  Wow.  Utterly terrible.  But given how these Trilogy of Horror Movie Nights usually go, this film was nowhere near as painful to watch as some have been in the past.

Phantom of the Paradise:  I'm late to the cult of The Phantom of the Paradise.  But dammit.  I'm a die hard fan now.  Usually with these Movie Nights I pick something gratuitously gory and offensive.  Last year I picked Fulci's The Beyond and the year before that the 80s flamethrower slasher Don't Go Into The House.  But this year my wife was in attendance, and I didn't want to subject her to that kind of splattery terror.  But The Phantom of the Paradise.  It's just a blast.  Weird.  Goofy.  Creepy.  Icky.  Silly.  Fun.  And filled with rocking Paul Williams music.  I've only seen the film a couple of times now, but it is withoutadoubt my favorite Brian De Palma film.  It's a musical riff on both Phantom of the Opera and Faust, but filtered through De Palma's movie maniac brain with an endless parade of split screens, crane shots, wacky filters.  William Finley is beautifully sad as singer songwriter Winslow Leach, and creepy troll Paul Williams is the real monster of the film.  And then there's BEEF!  Long live the metal stylings of BEEF!  If you've never seen Phantom of the Paradise but are well versed in Blow Out, Body Double, and Scarface than you really do owe yourself the sicko treat of Phantom.

COMICS OF THE WEEK!

Aquaman Volume 1 - The Trench:  I'm really trying to catch up on this New 52 business.  Last week was Wonder Woman, this week Aquaman.  And yeah...wow.  This was amazing.  I am flabbergasted at how much I enjoyed this Aquaman comic.  I'm with those other whiney nerds out there that always mocked the Atlantean and his orange scuba suit.  But I'll never do it again.  The New 52 of the DCU brings Arthur back to the surface world with his hot water moccasin wife Mera in tow.  Assaulted by bloggers and bank robbers alike, Aquaman handles the small annoyances with a cocked brow and a piercing trident but when Humanoids From The Deep escape the darkest depths of The Trench its all out ocean war with the fate of both land and sea hanging in the balance.  This is not deep graphic novel storytelling but it is one of the most fun books to come out of this cash cow relaunch.  Batman's still king, but Aquaman ain't too far behind.  And that's an amazing realization to have.

Uncanny Avengers #1:  Step aside DC, Marvel NOW is here!  But this is not a New 52 game changer.  Uncanny Avengers spins right out of the Avengers vs X-Men mini series and since I did not read that book there's a lot of stuff going on here that left me in the dark.  Prof. X is dead.  Cyclops killed him.  Scarlet Witch destroyed the Phoenix force restoring the over population of Mutantkind.  Yeah, ok.  I guess.  Whatever.   This first issue establishes Captain America's desire to address the "mutant issue."  So we're gonna get Cap & Thor & Wolvie & Havok & Rogue & Scarlet Witch.  With the exception of the first three, I do not care about these characters (yet).  The first big bad is gonna be Red Skull and his gang of goat faced weirdos.  I haven't quite drunk the Kool Aid yet.  The art is beautiful and it brings big smiles to see John Cassady drawing a squat Logan again.  And that final page, that's nasty.  But the intro of the Super Villain team was clunky.  And this whole evil Cyclops business is annoying, especially for a former X-Factor obsessive.

Batman #13:  Scott Snyder leaves The Court of Owls behind and enters his next big Batman event:  the return of the Joker!  Sigh.  Honestly, I'm sorta with Matt on this one.  I find it very hard to get excited over another Joker story, especially after the last arc's fascinating exploration of Gotham and it's hidden history.  The Joker's had his face ripped off.  He's Leatherfaced it back on.  He's targeting Batman's allies.  What's new?  Not sure yet.  I'm hoping Snyder's got an ace up his sleeve, and he's gonna knock my socks off with not-just-a-Joker-story.  Capullo's art is great.  He draws gross perfectly.  And that last page?  I just don't see the status quo getting rocked here.

Batgirl #13:  I got suckered.  Death of the Family crossover.  Yeah, don't think so.  This is the concluding chapter to some Batgirl adventure with a little hint at a tie-in with the last couple of pages.  Frankly, I don't know what happened in this book.  Barbara Gordon's is battling some Azrael wannabe vigilante and gets the crapped kicked outta her before she kicks the crap outta the baddie.  Can't say it was bad.  Can't say it was good.  Don't got no idea what's going on in this book.  Matt says this new Batgirl title is decent and I guess at some point I'll start from the beginning.

Archer & Armstrong #3:  As promised last issue - Ninja Nuns!!!!  Also known as "Nunjas!"  Not sure if I really dug this book from the start or not, but I'm all in at this point.  But I'm even more excited as to where this book is going than where it currently rests.  There's a lot of silly stuff here on top of some rather biting commentary and I can easily see why some folks might get ruffled by the content.  Get over it, I say.  Archer goes up against his adopted sister Mary-Maria and it's only going to get more brutal.  So far, Archer's life has been turned upside down and I cannot wait to see him hit rock bottom.  Armstrong's a lark and I love his blasphemous history.  Hercules, what a drunk.

Bloodshot #4:  Another solid comic from Valiant.  We get a flashback of a mind controlled Bloodshot "containing" a gray goo outbreak and its gross.  It also reveals the kiddie version of Pulse's first encounter with the killing machine.  In the present day, they reluctantly team up against the G-Man stooge pulling their reins.  I'm excited to see the building of the supporting cast and I'm looking forward to Bloodshot taking the war back to his handlers.  The man is seriously messed up and he owes a lot of folks a helluva a payback.

The Creep #2:  Two issues in (well, three cuz #0 really should have been a #1) and The Creep is taking its time with the plot.  Oxel continues his investigation into the double teen suicide and its obvious that the crazybrains homeless man father is central to the case.  But its rather hard to get excited about.  This feels like something I won't appreciate until its over and done with...or at the very least this book is going to read much better in trade than singles.

Stumptown #2:  Like The Creep, I think this will be better in trade.  And I think I might just hold off on this mystery until more issues have hit the stand.  PI Dex has a mysterious encounter with a roadie.  The police prick their ears to the case.  And the missing guitar doesn't seem to be that much missing.  What's the big deal anyway?  Why should we care?  So far, I don't.  I'll stay for Greg Rucka.

Hawken #5 & #6:  Tim & Ben Truman's weird Western comes to a close...or does it?  Hawken has his final showdown with the noseless beast, Sombre and it's some solid action thanks to the gnashing teeth of the Fiji mermaid.  Can't really say I was completely enamored with this book, but it's close enough to those old Truman/Lansdale Jonah Hex books to be worth the price.  And I genuinely hope this character doesn't just fade into memory.

Hellboy Library Edition Volume 2:  Next week is another meeting of my wife's Ultimate Justice League of Extraordinary Book Club and Mike Mignola's The Chained Coffin & Others is the graphic novel of the week.  The group wanted to do something in the spirit of Halloween and with a little pushing from Robert we agreed upon the third Hellboy volume...which just happens to be the book that got me back into comics in the early 2000s.  It's an amazing short story collection pitting paranormal bouncer Hellboy against a horrible collection of mythological beasties.  This was just the excuse I needed to dive back into the Mignolaverse and crack open my library editions.  Volume 2 contains the two very best Hellboy short story collections, The Chained Coffin & The Right Hand of Doom.  In the wake of recent sagas like Darkness Calls & The Wild Hunt (Volume 5), it's fascinating to see how little tales like "The Corpse" and "Box Full of Evil" laid the groundwork for future horrors.  How the embarrassment of one baby snatching fairy could lead to epic levels of vengeance.  Still, my favorite story in this book is "The Wolves of St. August" in which Hellboy encounters a group of spectral werewolves in Eastern Europe.  The art is still in a period of transition but "St August" perfectly mixes that classic Universal Monsters mood with HB's on-the-job plumber mentality.  Workman Monster Bashing.

Hellboy Library Edition Volume 1:  Going back to the beginning, the first mini-series Seed of Destruction is far from perfect Hellboy reading.  Co-scripted with John Byrne, the story reads rather clunky and a lot of the characters don't feel like themselves.  Abe is a fake beard wearing fishman hiding in the shadows while Big Red struts in the open.  And even by Hellboy's standards, the first story is smothered with thick exposition.  It's all set up.  Hellboy's earthly introduction.  Nazis.  Rasputin.  The Dragon.  The Plague of Frogs.  It's all starts here, but it's all better elsewhere.  The second mini-series, Wake The Devil is the real start of the Hellboy adventure.  You've got another lost Nazi experiment, Project Vampir Sturm led by the Napoleanic madman Vladimir Giurescu.  The introduction of big bad Hecate and her iron maiden snake skin.  And you have the spirit of Rasputin still struggling to puppet master the Lovecraftian destruction and rebirth of the universe.  Oh, and let's not forget the Baba Yaga, the Russian witch seeking restitution for her missing eye.  Seriously, how can you not love a book that brings so much pulp and fantasy together?  Hellboy is the ultimate expression of genre.  If you're not interested than I don't get you and I don't want to; just sit back and rewatch Steel Magnolias.

--Brad