Yep. I'm gonna hate this movie. I want to quell my troll rage but I just can't. Donald Westlake is dead. Hollywood now has its first opprotunity to use the "Parker" name and not just a stand-in (Walker in Point Blank, Porter in Payback) and they completely F Up the character. "Civilized people need to follow rules" my ass. Parker is a sociopath, not Robin Hood. And the unstoppable Jennifer Lopez romance--so damn infuriating.
Now, take away my love for the Richard Stark novels and I might be able to see some quality in this new Statham venture. But my dorkdom won't let me be happy here. I'm not just annoyed, I'm fucking sad. Sigh. Get over yourself, Brad. You've still got the Darwyn Cooke comics. Outside of the actual Stark novels, those are pretty damn perfect. And maybe one day we'll get that Michael Shannon Parker flick.
Sigh. Been a few months since we've gotten any word on this flick, but there you are ladies and germs--The first official poster for Taylor Hackford's Parker film courtesy of IGN. And it makes me all kinds of sad. I love Jason Statham. And with the right screenplay and the right director I might even forget what a poor choice he is for Richard Stark's Parker. After all, it's not like Lee Marvin was the perfect choice to portray him for John Boorman's mad Point Blank - he just made it work. But this poster? It's so damn bland. "To Get Away Clean, You Have To Play Dirty." Give me a freaking break. Who knows, maybe there's a hard film behind this photoshop travesty but I'm guessing this January getaway is gonna be just another pathetic pretender to the thrown. A trailer should be hitting the net any day now, so we'll just have to wait and see.
There he is ladies and gentlemen, Jason Statham's Parker. In a cowboy hat. These set photos have been floating around the internet since late last year, but this is the first I've seen of them. First reaction, I do love seeing Jason Statham in a cowboy hat. I do not love seeing Parker in a cowboy hat. And yeah, I think I've already made up my mind that this is not my Parker movie and that's probably a terrible outlook, but I guess I'm just one of those internet fanboy ragers whining about fictional stuff without ever seeing a single trailer let alone the actual movie. And that's something about myself that just annoys me. Still....GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I WANT THIS MOVIE TO BE GOOOOOOOOOOOD! I want it too much. And again, Taylor Hackford has yet to direct anything that's really impressed me.
The first film to use Parker's actual name, and based upon Richard Stark's Flashfire, IMDB has this to say about the storyline "When Parker turns down a job offer to pull off a jewel heist, he narrowly escapes with his life. He then teams up with a female real estate agent who is familiar with the local town and has nothing to lose to find the target of the heist so they can steal the loot for themselves." With a cast that include Jennifer Lopez, Michael Chiklis, Clifton Collins Jr, Nick Nolte, and Wendall Pierce I'm sure we're going to get a perfectly serviceable film.
But I gotta keep reminding myself that Jennifer Lopez was really good in Out of Sight. She may be an American Idol judge now and the costar of Gigli, but she has been capable of good stuff in the past. Must Remember Money Train!...hey, I like that flick!
