"None of it Matters" - Harry Dean Stanton Gets Zen in Partly Fiction Trailer

At 86 years old, Harry Dean Stanton seems to be as busy as ever - The Last Stand, Seven Psychopaths,  The Avengers, Rango - you need a coot cameo, Harry Dean is your man.  But as satisfying as a paycheck can be, there was a time when I truly thrilled at the very idea of a Harry Dean Stanton performance.  Paris, Texas.  Repo Man.  Alien.  Escape From New York.  These are the staples that earned him his Dork Hero title.  And I'm so glad to see this Partly Fiction celebration of the man, and as the quotes say, it's about time.  Even if the man doesn't care what we all think of him.



--Brad

Book Review: Double-D Double Cross

“I needed a cold shower.  Or a hot woman.”

    If you’ve read my reviews, you know one of my favorite active writers out there is Christa Faust.  I don’t remember when I stumbled across her blog, but I know it was quite a while back, ’cause I remember when she announced her first Hard Case Crime book (check out Money Shot!).  I was hooked wicked fast (still living in Maine at the time), and started grabbing everything I could.  Though I never did find that Snakes on a Plane novelization.  I gotta get on that.  Anyway, a couple years ago (I think it’s been that long), she put out hard boiled lesbian detective e-book. It meant little to me at the time, as I’m a lover of the printed page and had no ability or interest in the whole digital book business.  Buuuut, eventually, the e-book craze did capture my attention when I borrowed a friend’s Nook and was able to get a bunch of classic science fiction you just can’t find in print (at least, not at prices I’m ever going to be able to pay).  An then, I was able to get Faust’s crazy alternate world crime novel Hoodtown, which I’d been searching for in print for a dog’s age.  Anyway, fast forward a spell and I now possess a Nook myself, and my first book had to be something from Faust.  The first e-book adventure of Butch Fatale I got when I supported her Kickstarter project for book two.  That’s right.  I’m a patron of the arts.

    Again, if you’ve read much I’ve written, and certainly if you’ve ever met me, you know I’m a pretty square guy.  I once said of myself (and I think it’s still true) that if they ever ran out of vanilla extract, they could just use Matt extract and nobody would notice.  But I know it’s a big world out there, and while I don’t always understand it, I know there are a lot of different ways of living, and as long as everyone is legal and consenting, it’s all jake with me.  I don’t seek out LGBT material, because frankly, I just don’t care.  So, this marks my first excursion into the world of lesbian fiction, if there is such a thing.  That kind of implies that there might be lesbian earth science, or lesbian SAT guides.  Anyway, I mean, it’s fiction and it features a lesbian lead.  And a hefty amount of graphic, sweaty sex with no dudes present.  Does explicit sex push it into the realm of erotica?  I wouldn’t think so, but I don’t know how such things work.  Whatever the case, it also features all the gut-punching, ball busting, eye gouging violence and pulp flavored toughness fans of Faust should expect.  For me, Christa Faust is like reading Christopher Hitchens.  I’m not so much worried what she’s writing about, I just like the way she writes.

    I can never remember which author (was it Chandler?) had that great line about writers block.  Something like, ‘if you’re not sure what to write, have a hand come through the door with a gun and start shooting.’  It feels like Faust may have taken that idea and made it her First Commandment.  The book is not long.  Less than 200 pages.  And it moves at an extremely fast pace.  Part of the reason is that well before a scene begins to lull or a conversation starts to run long, something awful and violent happens.  Gun shots, saps, scary dudes with nice watches...Kevin.  Well, Kevin was pretty cool, actually, in that Mark Wahlberg/mentally challenged puppy kind of way.  It hurls at you like a speeding train.  There are a lot of twists and turns and action sequences packed into a small page count.  And though sometimes quite grim and bloody, the whole thing has a lighter, more wry tone than say, Choke Hold, which nearly put me in a depression (so good, but so relentlessly brutal).  The final beach chase of Double-D Double Cross would probably have me doubled up with laughter if it were a movie, which couldn’t be said for any part of Choke Hold (I’d need a shower, steel wool, and a healthy bosom to burry my face in and cry if I saw a movie version of that).  If you’ve enjoyed Faust’s other work, you should find plenty here to love.  And I’m looking forward to Butch Fatale’s next outing.

Double-D Double Cross: A Butch Fatale Caper
Author: Christa Faust
Format: e-book

-Matt

Kevin?

Dork Art: Needle Designs Django Unchained

Matt Needle has a nifty new poster celebrating Django Unchained.  I'm a little played out with these minimalist designs, but this one hits me right.  Think it's the color scheme that does it.  Click HERE to purchase it in pounds which works out to be around $33.

--Brad

A Fistful of Parkers! (Brad's Picks)

This weekend sees the release of my first Highly Anticipated movie of 2013, Taylor Hackford's Parker.  Everything I've seen from the trailers leads me to believe that this is not going to be the Richard Stark film I want it to be, but blah blah blah.  You're tired of me bitching and moaning about this adaptation.  And ya know what, that above photo is killer.  That one still is worth fifty shoddy J Lo trailers.  Still, Parker's Rules...yeash.  If you want to know what code Donald Westlake's professional crook actually lived by than you should jump on over to the University of Chicago's new 50 Years of Parker website and discover the truth behind literature's hardest lowlife.

What gives me the biggest pause when watching the Parker trailers though, is that this is the first film actually allowed usage of the character's real name.  Adaptations in the past have used Walker (Point Blank), Porter (Payback), Macklin (The Outfit), McClain (The Split), Nelson (Made in U.S.A.), and Stone (Slayground).  But Donald Westlake wouldn't allow filmmakers the name Parker unless they committed to a series of adaptations.  But now that the man has shuffled off this earthly plane, his estate has sold off "Parker."  And that's cool.  Family's gotta eat.  I just hope that Taylor Hackford and the producers realize what a treat they've been given - and I really don't want them to squander it.

So all this raging over a silly name got me thinking.  There are already a lot of Parkers occupying the movie landscape.  You've got gangster moll Bonnie Parker, Marty McFly's time traveling honey Jennifer Parker, the jazzy genius of Charlie Parker, and even lost TV classic Parker Lewis Can't Loose.  But who are the greatest characters to rock that handle?  Agree or don't, these are my favorite silver screen Parkers.

5.  Kristen Parker (A Nightmare on Elm Street III & IV):  The Nightmare franchise has three true heroines.  Heather Langenkamp is obviously the most recognizable as first final girl, Nancy.  Then you've got Lisa Wilcox as preggers Alice Johnson.  But if I'm gonna get real, my favorite bit of Freddy bait is Patricia Arquette as Dream Warrior whackjob Kristen Parker.  Her character would return as nightmare fodder for the fourth film, but in the third Nightmare flick, this Parker transformed her teenaged crazybrains into a Freddy Krueger meat grinder and managed to steal the saga from poor little Nancy.  Plus, try as he might, Freddy couldn't swallow this tough (albeit whiney & screamy) chick.

4.  Leonard Parker (Leonard Part 6):  Truth be told, I haven't seen this flick in years.  But it certainly left an impression.  Bill Cosby is a secret agent pulled out of retirement to battle bird beasties and killer lobsters.  All he has is a nifty getup and few sticks of delicious butter.  I remember seeing this in the theater in 1987 and my little kid brain just couldn't understand the weird.  And I remember my mother explaining to me how horrible the film truly was...yeah, I think this is gonna have to get Netflixed soon.

3.  John Parker (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across The 8th Dimension):  When villainous red aliens from the planet 10 escape the prison of Dimension 8, Rock & Roll Scientist Buckaroo Banzai and his badass regulators are the only hope for our tiny blue planet.  And a key member of Buck's Band of Heroes is John Parker, a nice guy alien with superior wall hopping skills and space born knowledge. I'm still waiting for that spin-off movie where Buck & Parker take on the World Crime League.  Make it happen, Hollywood.

2.  Peter Parker (Spider-Man):  It seems pretty fashionable to beat up on Sam Raimi's Spider-Man these days.  But as fidgety and awkward as Andrew Garfield is as The Amazing Skateboarder-Man, Toby Maguire's Peter Parker felt like a real outsider nerd.  He had a doughy, blank stare that perfectly replicated the woe-is-me center to pre-spider bite Parker.  It's a mope factor essential to the character; you can't have the superior wall crawler without that deep seeded self loathing.  And Raimi's first Spider-Man captured that loser complexion perfectly.

1.  Parker (Alien):  The first time I watched Alien, I thought it was Yaphet Kotto's movie.  As members of the Nostromo were picked off by H.R. Giger's star beast, and as Veronica Cartwright looses her shit & Sigourney Weaver turns hard, I thought it was Kotto's Parker that was going to rise to the occasion and flame thrower the hell outta the monster.  Unfortunately (for Yaphet) the movie doesn't play out that way, and cinema is granted it's first ever female ass kicker.  But despite the brilliant character twists and turns of Ridley Scott's masterpiece, I still root for Parker to come out on top every time.  His relationship with Harry Dean Stanton sells the space trucker reality of the story, and I am compelled to dream of an alternate Fringe universe where the film devolves into a Parker revenge narrative - credits roll as Yaphet Kotto sits smiling atop the acid filled corpse of the Alien.  One can dream.

Walker Is Still My Parker

--Brad

Dork Art: Killer Klowns From Outer Space

Nice.  Skuzzles is offering this officially licensed Killer Klowns print tomorrow at 12PM Eastern Time.  It's another beauty from Dork favorite Jason Edmiston.  Measures 24X36 and will set ya back $45.  And it should be a little easier to score than a Mondo poster.

--Brad

"You Bring Your Dick Along Too?" Oscar Isaac Is Interested in Gigging Here with Inside Llewyn Davis Trailer

We finally get the first trailer for The Coen Brothers' next film, Inside Llewyn Davis.  And it looks solid - still not quite sure what this movie is gonna be - cat lover Llewyn Davis stumbling around Greenwich Village looking for that big break in the folk musician scene.  Coen stalwart John Goodman is on board with newbies Carey Mulligan (rocking long dark hair) and Tron-basher Garrett Hudlund tagging along.  The trailer below definitely feels like it belongs to the guys who cranked out  True Grit & A Serious Man.  One of my most anticipated films of the year.

"I'm The Best Hope You've Got" Olympus Has Fallen Trailer Opens The Gates Of Hell!

2013 is going to see a couple of Die Hard in the White House movies hit the multiplex, but the first one out the gate is going to be Antoine Fuqua's Olympus Has Fallen.  Gerard Butler is a failed Secret Service Agent called back into duty after Rick Yune's terrorist storms Aaron Eckhart's office.  It looks like all kinds of goofy, whacky action and if it's played to the Heavens than we might have a fantastically over-the-top action film on our hands.  That being said, Antoine Fuqua has yet to make a movie I really like and he's even plopped out a couple of real turkeys (King Arthur, Shooter).  I've been waiting for Butler to take charge of his career and I'm not sure that's going to happen, but if he's going to keep on trucking than I hope he sticks to these wannabe blockbusters than romcom nightmares like The Ugly Truth.

--Brad