Matt’s Week in Dork! (9/2/12-9/8/12)

    Weird week.  Busy.  Not too great, actually.  Kinda sucked.  But it ended well.

American Experience: Streamliners: America’s Lost Trains:  Another love letter to the passenger train, this one is specifically about the gorgeous art deco rockets called streamliners.  The onrush of car ownership drove innovation to create something new that would win people back to the rail.  At the height (or depth) of the Depression two men of the family Budd (distant relations who hadn’t known each other) came together to make magic with stainless steel.  These trains of the future helped a nation suffering under the collapse of the old regime look toward tomorrow with hope.  The footage and photos of the trains are awe inspiring.  The interviews and narration are typically solid.  PBS tends still to do some of the best documentaries.  But stories like this remind me of how much innovation we as a nation used to display, our will to embrace the future and challenge tradition.  Man I’d love to have had a chance to ride the California Zephyr.  There’s a majesty in a slower pace, sometimes.  Europe and Japan kept that dream alive.  I’d really like to see a bit of it return, to take a trip on a passenger train, or a zeppelin.  Travel with the time to enjoy it.

Godzilla:  That darned H-Bomb done woke up a monster.  A giant dinosaur goes on a rampage of wanton destruction in post-War Japan, getting on everyone’s already jagged nerves.  But one old scientist who figures things out doesn’t want the creature killed.  But Eye-patch Science Guy is ready to take it on.  The stark black and white gives sequences of destruction a dream-like feel, somehow beautiful and violent.  Godzilla seems to reflect a degree of Japanese anxiety, some quite justified, at that specific time.

Doctor Who: The Caves of Adnrozani:  The Doctor and Peri end up on a barren, sandy planet, and as frequently happens with the Doctor, end up getting caught between opposing forces.  Gunrunners, a monster, lots of hallways.  It’s not bad, but there’s little to set it apart from many other episodes, many better ones.  There is a mad scientist in a black & white harlequin costume.  That’s something.  Peri is an odd companion.  She’s not totally useless, but she’s still kind of a damsel in distress.  I kind of like her, but she’s also kind of annoying.  Do I just like her because she’s cute?  I don’t have an answer for that.

Lawless:  I still stand by my statement that they should have kept the name of the book, ‘The Wettest County in the World,’ which is so much less made for cable TV sounding than Lawless.  That said, this was a pretty good rumrunner epic with a good cast of dirty, ugly, sweaty folks.  Even the Labeouf doesn’t totally suck.  Tom Hardy’s grunty dialog is fantastic.  The violence tends to be sudden, with long stretches of build up and an overall feeling that things might turn sour fast.  They didn’t break any new ground here, but it’s all very well done.

Eugenie de Sade:  “She was Austrian, a student, and an utter idiot.”  There is something sexy about a hot woman reading books.  But, Jess Franco does his darnedest to spoil that.  It looks like it was made in 1974, not 84.  A lot of nudity, virtually no eroticism (what there is almost seems accidental).  Typical Franco.  And thankfully, the director plays a supporting role.  Oh, yeah.  The music sounds like something out of a demonic JC Penny commercial from 1982, continuous and irritating.

Bay Cove:  Wow, this is 80s-tastic.  Even a young Woody Harrelson.  Awful sax music.  Hairspray.  And is that Prince from Lexx.  Don’t move to Witch Island, man.  Crappy, made for Canadian TV junk.

Resident Evil: Extinction:  My favorite of this awesomely silly franchise is sort of Day of the Dead meets Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.  Lots of silly, lots of cool, lots of satellite spying, and Milla jumping.  Rolling across the sand dunes, torching birds, and fighting henti monsters.  Madness.

Resident Evil: Afterlife:  More goofy than the previous film, it sure was fun in 3D.  My major complaint about this movie is the all too brief appearance of the Milla army.  In my head, there are still hundreds (at least) of them out there going about various world saving behaviors.  It’s still a lot of fun, and the ending is good and crazy.

Salon Kitty:  Tinto Brass is as crass and exploitative as they come, and this one is plenty of both.  Pretty girls.  Lots of bad behavior.  Some bent ugliness.  And very little point.  Not recommended.

According to this, we suck.

    Also got in some more episodes of The Prisoner, Batman: The Animated Series, and even a couple Adam West episodes of the 60s show.

    I also finished reading the extremely depressing and informative book, A World Lit Only by Fire.  I’ll be putting up a review of it one of these days.  But in the meantime, go out and read it.  Dang, but I’m glad I live today.  The past sucked.

     Ended the week by heading to Baltimore for Comic-Con.  It was a good deal of fun.  Seemed like a LOT more people there this year, but I'm not sure.  I'm sure Brad will have a lot more to say about it, but it was a good show.  Got some nice swag, saw a ton of cosplay, some of it pretty good.  Some of those folks were pretty darned brave.  And a surprising number of people were actually fit enough for their costumes.  I could have dealt with about 80% less zombie themed art in Artist's Ally, though.  That's for darned sure.

-Matt

Brad's Week in Dork! (8/12/12-8/18/12)

Sorry to be late on this one, but I've been sick as a dog for the last couple of days.  Last week was not an amazing Week In Dork despite the absolutely stunning JAWS blu ray release as well as the new Johnny Guitar disc.  The week climaxed with my 33rd birthday, a trip to the zoo, and the action orgy that is Expendables 2.  Thankfully the sequel lived up to my fiery explosive expectations.

And no comics this week.

MOVIES OF THE WEEK!

Contraband:  Don't go out of your way, but if you should somehow stumble upon this perfectly average seabound heist picture than you could do worse things to kill a couple of hours. Contraband is definitely better than kicking puppies or eating glass. Mark Wahlberg does his squinty tough face thing and he would be so easy to forget if not for films like Boogie Nights or The Other Guys. Giovanni Ribisi is easily the best thing about this film but I sometimes feel like his nasally snitch acting is just his way of pranking the audience--it's outer space acting and I imagine it's what he's got to do to keep himself entertained. Ben Foster does what Ben Foster does-screams a lot, looks mad. Kate Beckinsale is an incredible victim in this film: she's battered, tortured, and brutalized over the runtime and she tries to seem important but she's just another damsel in distress. There is just nothing that stands out from the ordinary. Still, watch this if yer contemplating kicking a puppy.

Johnny Guitar:  "Never seen a woman who was more of a man." One of The Great Westerns, Johnny Guitar sizzles with an angry intensity not often found in the genre at this point in time. Joan Crawford is a stern saloon owner determined to make her fortune along the rails of Arizona, but when she calls on a former lover to protect her from Mercedes McCambridge's unbridled hatred, the soon-to be-boom-town ignites in reckless, operatic violence. Nicholas Ray shoots a gorgeous picture but it's the spitting stylized dialog that really sets this Western apart from any other. "Down there I sell whisky and cards, up these stairs all you can buy is a bullet in the head." Sterling Hayden is slick and cool as the titular gunfighter but this is Joan Crawford's show--and she owns it as the frontier's toughest broad.

The Girl From Rio:  "What Kind of Space Age Sorceress Are You?" I don't have an answer to that question...in fact, I don't have any idea what the hell went on in this film. But that's not a new feeling for anyone who has attempted a Jess Franco film before. There is some nonsense about an army of ear nibbling bisexuals and George Sanders wants Richard Wyler to fight them for some damn reason...seriously, I just don't know what happened here. There's some smoke. Chest Hair. Breasts. Machine guns. Rio Carnival gyrations. Ok. Sure. Wha? Huh? I'm baffled. But I also don't care.

Jaws:  A Great American Movie and the first Blockbuster Masterpiece. Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss, and Robert Shaw are withoutadoubt the three coolest dudes to ever skipper a doomed sea voyage. And Shaw's epic USS Indianapolis monologue detailing his first horrific encounter with doll eyed sharks is PURE cinematic art. Frankly, it just doesn't get much better than this and the latest Universal 100th Anniversary Blu Ray is stunning-a bold new look at the classic packed with all sorts of special feature goodies.  But it's the crystal clear transfer that makes it an essential purchase.

The Expendables:  "It's Good To Hang Pirates!" Sylvester Stallone gathers his action hero friends into one film in an effort to capture that Hard R genre of yesteryear, the 1980s--the decade that spawned Rambo, Die Hard, and Commando. But it's just a taste and not the full on smorgasbord of bullet hailing gore I was really craving. Frankly, I wanted the Sly Stallone that directed the killfest that was Rambo 4. Instead, we get a little too much downtime. Sure, it's fun. Dolph Lundgren is the highlight with his good-guy/bad-guy/good-guy inner struggle and his one-liners are joyful when they're not hilariously hateful. "Insect!" And Eric Roberts has the best set of teeth for all his villainous monologue gnashing. But I wanted more Terry Crews "Remember That Shit At Christmas" shotgunning and less of Mickey Rourke's zen tattoo artist.

God Bless America:  I thoroughly enjoyed Bobcat Goldthwait's directorial debut, World's Greatest Dad. It was bleak, miserable, and funny as hell. This follow up film is just bleak and miserable. America is being destroyed by Reality TV and Joel Murray's cubical worker goes on a postal killing spree with a tagalong cynical teen sidekick. Lots of people get shot, lots of on-the-nose commentary. But there's no charm and there are no laughs. God Bless America is just cynicism a to b to c.

The Expendables 2:  This sequel delivers on the promise of the original. Sylvester Stallone and his gang of Action Icon celebrities regroup to take down the goat loving pet of Satan, Jean Claude Van Damme and his ridiculous cache of weaponized plutonium. The Expendables 2 is the funniest damn action film of the year with wonderful heaps of manipulated testosterone, endless one-liners, and a hurricane of CGI blood splatter. Dolph Lundgren's Frankenstein steals the show as the psychotic lover of whale ass and chinese food. If you find yourself scratching your head than this nostalgia fest might not be for you, but if your fist is already pumping the air, than this is your Avengers.  P.S. Do Not Bite Chuck Norris.

Rambo III:  "I'm No Tourist." By this point in the franchise, First Blood's drama-centric anti-hero is pretty much forgotten but Stallone is still a lot of fun to watch as he blazes his way through the Russian army. And there is great joy to be found in Rambo's third act team-up with Richard Crenna's Colonel Trautman. Plus, tank vs. helicopter. BOOM! Stupid, stupid commies.

--Brad

Matt’s Week in Dork! (7/22/12-7/28/12)

    I’ve been trying to get some more reading done recently, to varying degrees of success.  Otherwise, same old.


Clash of the Titans:  “When I spit in the eyes of the gods, then I’ll smile.”  The original film was one of my childhood favorites, but it did not stand the test of time.  Harryhausen’s stop-motion effects are cool, but the rest of the film is boring and shoddy.  This remake, though leaning too heavily on CGI (which just isn’t all that impressive 90% of the time) is far more interesting, and better paced.  Sam Worthington is still a dull leading man, but the rest of the cast is good.  I’d have preferred a less hissing and spitting Ralph Fiennes, though.  I imagine this film and its sequel will become many a child’s favorite.  It’s the kind of thing I’d have loved as a boy.  The scorpion ride with the djinn alone would have made my day.

Predators:  A bunch of killers find themselves air-dropped into an unknown jungle, with no recollection of how they got there.  It’s not long before they discover that something very, very strange indeed is happening.  Nor is it long before the bodies start piling up.  This movie does a much better job of getting into the spirit of the original film.  Plenty of action.  Enough surprises to keep things interesting.  And characters I actually like.  I wish the Aliens VS Predator films had been half as good.  This film brings in much more of The Most Dangerous Game, which I think is especially fitting for an expansion of the Predator universe.

Island of Lost Souls:  “What is the Law?!”  The best adaptation of H.G. Wells’ Island of Dr. Moreau, this is a creepy horror movie from the early days of sound.  I don’t think that Wells was anti-science, like all to many writers.  But I think he felt, as I do, that advances in science and technology need grow along with our ethical growth.  Responsibility along with dreaming.  Many of this stories sand as cautionary tales not about scientific advancement, but against its irresponsible handling.  Moreau is a man in love with his own ideas, not with the expansion of knowledge or the betterment of mankind.  Like the military men exploding atom bombs well after any scientific reason was exhausted, Moreau does what he does because he can, not because it will accomplish anything.  Island of Lost Souls is one of the very few movies where the addition of a romantic subplot that wasn’t present in the original actually improves things.  The book lacked a certain something and this movie finds that something.  This would be a good companion film to King Kong, The Most Dangerous Game, and White Zombie.

The Slammin’ Salmon:  “Whatever, motherf$%#a!”  This one has grown on me.  I liked it plenty when I first saw it, but as time went on, I would find myself thinking about it all the time or watching clips on YouTube.  Michael Clarke Duncan is so flippin’ hysterical as the monstrous boxing champ turned restaurant owner.  His all out assault on the English language is worth the price of admission.  The Broken Lizard crew do their usual thing, taking jokes past the point of good taste, into the realm of total crazy.

Cecilia:  Oh, Jess Franco.  You know what’s not the right music to play over ‘erotic’ sequences?  Crappy organ music that sounds like it’s being played at an old folks home dance.  Typically nonsensical, f-dup morality, and gobs of nudity.  Franco was really impressive for being so completely talentless yet maintaining a long term career and getting lots and lots of women to take their clothes off (and more when he used an assumed name).  Super awkward sex scenes, the way only the Europeans can film ‘em.  But lots of nice country and old architecture on display.  Seems like somewhere I’d like to visit, so long as I don’t have to deal with all these annoying people and their ugly sex.

District 9:  Does this movie basically take Alien Nation, update it and make it into an allegory for apartheid?  Yes.  Does it do a heck of a job?  Absolutely.  It’s a very watchable, very tough movie, with excellent special effects, complicated characters, unexpected turns, and some cringe-worthy horror both human and alien.  The cold, cruel violence of men just ‘doing their jobs,’ just ‘following orders’ is hard to watch.

The 39 Steps:  This early Hitchcock already features the director’s flare for grim comedy and ramped up tension.  The twists and turns start early, and the story takes off across England to Scotland.  The hero is classic 1930s, with wit and skill, and a devilish, cavalier grin.  The leading lady is classic Hitchcock, blond and dangerous.  Good set work, lots of cool sequences and a tight script.  Good stuff.

Encrypt:  This is very made-for-TV, but once you get past that, not bad.  It feels like an episode from a longer running show.  All the usual Made in Vancouver touches are here, including cast.  But, while not amazing, it gets the job done.  Very simple plot with a couple not that twisty twists.  If you’re in the mood for some low budget sci-fi, you could do worse.

Mirror Mirror:  Right away you see that this film has a fatal flaw.  It stars Julia Roberts.  Sure, the script isn’t that good, but Julia Roberts excels in making every moment worse.  Seriously, five minutes in and I was climbing the wall.  She’s just so aggressively awful.  Tarsem is a heck of a visual artist.  But the script is bad.  It has moments and some of the actors are pretty good.  Even the Snow White character is unusually good for a female lead these days (she’s fairly pro-active, not just reactive).  But Roberts is horrendous.  Younger kids will probably enjoy it, but it’s probably too cheesy for older kids or adults.

Das Rheingold:  “The lord of the ring as the slave of the ring!”  The beginning of the monstrous operatic epic by Richard Wagner, this serves as a sort of turning point between myths of old and modern fantasy.   Most modern fantasy owes a great deal to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Tolkien certainly owes a lot to Wagner.  He helped take scraps of myth and forge them into an epic tale.  (As an odd side note, it seems that most 20th century fantasy is rooted in either Wagner or Nietzsche, two one-time friends turned enemies.  One often accused of anti-Semitism [Nietzsche] who is often incorrectly linked to the Nazis, the other a genuine anti-Semite [Wagner] more rightly seen as an inspiration to Hitler and others of his ilk.  And while Wagner’s literary descendant [Tolkien] still holds sway over the genre, Nietzsche’s literary descendant [Robert E. Howard] has largely fallen out of favor).  In this story thief takes magic from three sisters and forges it into a powerful ring to rule the world.  The gods screw over the giants who they tricked into building a great fortress.  So Wotan is forced to go down into the depths and take the magic ring to make amends.  The version I watched, from 1991, staring Gunter Von Kannen as the thief, is lavish and strange.  Lots of weird lighting, interesting set work, and an odd semi-modern/art deco kind of thing going on.  Wotan looks like some sort of 70s folk singer/pimp.  Wild.  And the giants are crazy, man.  I also find it interesting that Loge, the trickster, is actually the best and most honest of the gods (though he is but part god).

    I finally cracked into the season 1 box set of Batman The Animated Series I borrow from Brad a few weeks back.  I’d popped it in a couple times before going to bed, but zonked out before the first episode was over.  I’m digging the show, but man they need to lay off the Joker.  With such a rich cast of villains, it’s a shame they can’t seem to get away from using that one character over and over.  I love the show’s look.  I wish more animated shows were handled with such care.

    I tried another anime series, Toward the Terra.  I keep trying because only the Japanese seem to be willing to take animated science fiction seriously.  Unfortunately, anime creators seem to be some of the least creative people on Earth, as every series is basically the same thing.  Toward the Terra is the same collection of characters you find in every sci-fi anime (oh, wait, that one guy is totally unique, because he’s wearing earphones!), doing much the same stuff.  The ships and locations are beautiful, though.  Why can’t anyone other than the Japanese do some animated science fiction?!  Science fiction is a place to let your imagination run wild, so why is sci-fi anime so flippin’ repetitive?

I've got headphones!

    I’ve had a serious hankering to see it again, so Ben and I started watching Battlestar Galactica this week.  Darn it, I like that show.  It’s so brutal.  Seeing these early episodes and knowing how things turn out for some of the characters makes certain moments more poignant or painful.  But I also find myself looking forward to certain events, certain new characters, etc.

    I also started watching some Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries.  Oh, yeah.  So 70s awesome.  I definitely prefer the Nancy Drew stories, but that’s in large part to Shaun Cassidy sucking so hard as the younger Hardy.  I know he was THE teen heartthrob, but man, he’s awful.  Pamela Sue Martin’s wardrobe is flippin’ amazing.  She’d have fit right in with Charlie’s Angles, no prob.

    I read the follow-up to The Long Halloween, Dark Victory.  Good stuff.  Read my review here.

    And in keeping with my recent Batman heavy reading, I checked out the first volume of the New 50 Batman and Robin: Born to Kill.  See my review here.

    On the ‘what are they thinking?!’ front, I read the first issue of Space Punisher.  Man, Mark Texeira’s art is beautiful.  And the concept could easily work.  It’s worked a bunch of times before, going back at least as far as C.L. Moore’s Northwest Smith.  A lone dude in space, earning his way by the gun?  Sure.  Even the whole revenge for killing his family bit could work, no prob.  However, Frank Tieri’s writing feels like it might be by, and is certainly for, a 13 year old boy.  This kind of mindset gave us Lobo and Venom (and worse, Carnage), and made Wolverine a star.  I keep wanting Chris Farley to walk by and say; ‘Hey Punisher…Remember that time…That time when you blew up all those bug guys with that Venom stuff on ‘em?…Um…That was AWESOME!’  The one thing I take away from this issue is that Texeira should do more science fiction adventure comics.

    My Star Wars love has certainly been abused for the last 15 years or so.  Savagely.  From the continual CG driven pooping on the original films, to the written by a ten year old garbage of the prequel trilogy.  It’s been a rough time.  The only rays of light have been from the comic writers and from the shockingly good CG animated series The Clone Wars.  So, I figured I’d give a new Star Wars mini-series a try.  In the last season of the Clone Wars that I watched, they’d brought in Darth Maul’s brother, and I knew they were talking about bringing back Darth Maul himself.  This comic takes place after that event, with the two brothers creating some kind of crazy empire.  The art is good, and there’s potentially a cool story here.  But it’s nothing especially captivating.  I suppose anyone who reads Star Wars comics normally should find plenty to like.

    I read the latest issue of Winter Soldier, the continuing adventure of a Captain America’s old chum, Bucky Barnes.  Not much happens in this issue, #8.  But it feels like they’re setting up for some bad stuff soon.  Black Widow is in some trouble, looks like a trip to Russia is in the cards, and of course, ballet.

    Hit-Girl issue 2 was pretty much more of the same.  It feels like cut scenes from the film, that were cut for a reason.  Just swearing and violence with little point.  This is not a series I’d bother reading if I had to pay for it.

-Matt