Thursday, January 31, 2013

A Fistful of Warm Bodies! (Matt’s Picks)

    Warm Bodies, huh?  The spark of life kindled in the body of a zombie isn’t all that warm.  And while Steven Seagal may have the Fire Down Below and Prodigy may indeed feature a confessed arsonist, I think we at In the Mouth of Dorkness know a little something about warm bodies.  How about these?

5. Sam Kramer (Spontaneous Combustion):  Our young hero hides a dark secret in his genes that even he’s not aware of.  The temperature is rising and he’s getting a bit hot under the collar.

4. Till Lindemann (Rammstein Live Aus Berlin):  How many songs has Norah Jones done while on fire?  Frankly, any member of the band could probably make this list, as I think each one gets set on fire at least once per performance.

3. Soup Face (The Slammin’ Salmon):  She’s offending the Tokyokin guests!

2. The Witch (Conan the Barbarian):  All she had to say was ‘Zamora,’ but no; she’s gotta go all shape-changing and biting.  At some point, throwing the bitch in the fire was the only real option.

1.  Frank (Return of the Living Dead):  He just wants to go home to see his wife.  But a night filled with punks, Bert and Ernie, split dogs, the Tar Man, and Indian farmed skeletons can’t end well.  But our hero knows what to do, and how to keep the evil inside him from getting to anyone else.

"Watch your mouth if you like this job!"


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