Matt’s Week in Dork! (10/27/13-11/2/13)

    This time of year just isn’t fun for me.  The holidays, sadly, lost all charm when I started working in corporate retail back in 2001.  It’s just a brutal slog through frustration, anxiety, exhaustion, punctuated by occasional soulless expenditures.  Is that cynical?  Sure, I guess.  But whatever, I’m tired.  Still, my Dork Life gives me some joy, and this week had a lot of good in it.  And it started early Sunday morning when I watched an unexpectedly good Robert Redford (Zzzzzz) movie.

All is Lost:  With all of maybe five lines of dialog, this movie is about watching Old Man Redford in a Series of Unfortunate Events.  Some bad choices and a lot of bad luck send our hero into a spiral of diminishing options as he battles nature and the refuse of Man.  The movie looks really good and has some thrilling adventure bits.  It also doesn’t tend to drag, as a film like this might easily do.  Near the end, things get a bit tiresome, but it’s still not bad.  I did find myself nitpicking a bit.  Why wait until everything was going horribly to start making preparations for it?  That tool you’ve got has a hook/lanyard on it for a reason, why don’t you have it secured?  It’s raining and you’ve got no power; why aren’t you collecting water?  Still, overall, the movie is quite effective, and if you can turn off that over-critical part of your brain (I usually can, and honestly it only started to come out a few times during the film), it’s very tense and frightening.  Yet, there are scenes (that shot of him steering during the storm) that make me want to brave the elements for a bit.  That said, if I ever sailed around the world or whatever, I’d still follow the Buddy System.  Not gonna do that sort of thing alone.

War of the Gargantuas:  Another fun Toho slice of kaiju madness, this is a really weird sequel to Frankenstein escapes.  A lot of the usual notes are hit, but it’s a lot of fun, and there are some crazy fights.  It’s interesting to see slightly smaller kaiju, so the structures they’re bashing are comparatively larger.  They can actually hide behind trees and buildings, for example.  The titular Gargantuas are powerfully ugly, hairy things, but human than many Japanese monsters.  I guess this lends them a bit more personality …maybe?

Escape Plan:  If this were 1991, and Escape Plan was the latest straight to video movie featuring Christopher Lambert and Lorenzo Lamas (no doubt Lance Henriksen playing the villain), then the world would make some sense.  But this is 2013, and Escape Plan is so off the mark, it’s like a cautionary tale on how not to do a movie.  The script starts bad and gets worse.  The one-liners, the ones that make any sense, suck.  The plot is like an episode of Silk Stalkings or Viper.  And the two leads…well, they’re just not acting their age.  If you know me, you know I love watching old dudes kick ass.  But in an old dude way.  These two are trying to play it like the young guys, and it just looks bad.  And as with Bullet in the Head and The Last Stand, it commits the cardinal sin.  It’s boring.

The Counselor:  Sometimes you see a movie, and it’s just so danged odd that you know you’re watching something special.  Maybe not something good, but something special.  That was the case with The Counselor.  It’s a darned peculiar film.  One thing you’ve got to know is that it’s an extremely, intensely mean spirited movie with an exceptionally ugly view of people that does not let up.  So if you think that might bother you, skip it.  There’s also a tendency toward obscure speeches.  Oh, and much of the plot or whatever is not explained, much less who most of the people are or what they’re doing.  But every frickin’ moment of Javier Bardem is like pure distilled mountain genius being pored into your brain.  I can see why people weren’t thrilled with the movie.  It’s challenging, and not just because it’s hard to follow or figure out.  It’s an ugly, rough, tough movie along the lines of late Peckinpah, where there are no good guys, just a bunch of unhappy people doing unkind things.

    I watched some of the new SyFy series Defiance.  I kind of want to like the show, but they’re making it hard.  There are some very cool things, nice ideas, some nice visuals, etc.  But I can’t help noticing how often it falls back into typical, cliché plot-lines, characters, etc.  You’ve got the Romeo & Juliette couple, the mobster trying to go straight, the whore with the heart of gold, the rugged soldier whose only weakness is his kid, and that kid is an orphaned alien (or insert war-torn region’s ethnicity).  There’s the vision-plagued character who may also be the ‘chosen one’ character, who is also the emotionally broken, deceptively cute, tiny woman who is actually a badass warrior (and is also the afore mentioned orphaned alien…they really heaped the clichés on that character).  And the list goes on.  It’s also another Sci-fi mixed with Western thing, which wasn’t even close to new when Firefly did it a decade ago.  Oh yeah, and there’s an evil government from ‘back east’ that is trying to get its hands on the wealth and power of the independent city that is the center of the show.  And there are savage alien tribes out in the badlands.  I mean, it just throws the overused ideas at you left and right.  Yet, for all its many faults, I’m finding myself watching episode after episode.  I keep thinking back to how iffy the first season of Farscape was, and how good that got.  Can this do the same?

"Hi. You may remember us from a dozen other shows."

Monsters University:  It’s cute, and if you’re a fan of the first film, it’s fine.  But it’s also not all that interesting.  For a Pixar film, it’s kind of …meh.  Which, sadly, seems to be their new norm.  Sad.  The kiddies should find plenty to enjoy, but the adults might be a bit bored, as there’s precious little meat.

    On Saturday morning, my annual Charlton Heston film fest, HestFest began with Brad and I, and a basic breakfast of bacon, eggs, toast, and coffee.

The Big Country:  Gregory Peck shows up in the middle of a clan war and is mistaken for an East Coast dandy.  Two families have been in conflict for as long as they can remember, and they don’t have any patience for a man who isn’t concerned with honor and appearances.  His romantic rival, Charlton Heston, thinks he’s a coward because he won’t brawl.  His fiancé is drowning in daddy issues.  And creepy rapist wannabe Chuck Connors thinks…well he doesn’t think all that much.  But Peck doesn’t care.  He just takes his time, does his thing, and rises above.  Peck plays one of those classic movie heroes whose lessons have been largely forgotten in our knee-jerk, anti-intellectual public arena, that morality doesn’t come from old books or from the opinions of others.  Morality is what you do when nobody, god or man, is looking.  The film also features one of the great cinematic fistfights.  Unfortunately, it’s about 40 minutes too long.  The final confrontation between families, ostensibly over Jean Simmons (but she’s just an excuse), drags and drags, and doesn’t really pay off.  For me, the movie is kind of over when Heston realizes what kind of a man Peck really is.  That’s the point of the movie, I think, and once it’s been made, there isn’t all that much more to say.

    For Khartoum, I broke out some horseradish chips.  …What can I say, I didn’t think to get anything for this movie.  Oops.

Khartoum:  There are things I really like about this movie.  But they are few and far between.  The location shooting is quite nice.  Heston is fine.  The ending stand-off is cool.  Otherwise, it’s kind of a dull exercise in hitting the expected notes.  It feels like a desperate grab at the success, four years earlier, of Lawrence of Arabia.  But I never found the film especially engaging, and (apologies to the rabid fans) Laurence Olivier sucks…bad.  Every scene he’s in grinds the film to a halt.  I watched the movie years ago when I picked up the DVD, and I remembered not being thrilled with it.  Sadly, my second viewing reinforces that opinion.  It’s not terrible, but it’s too long and not very exciting.

    Peanut Better sandwiches were served for a light lunch.  Peanut butter was a food Heston took with him whenever he traveled overseas, because, apparently, you can’t get it in many places, and it was something he had to have.  I also broke out the rum (pirates, man) and some sea-salt & cracked pepper chips…you know, ‘cause of the ocean and stuff.

The Buccaneer:  Yul Brynner as a pirate captain living in the bayou near New Orleans?  Charlton Heston as Andrew Jackson?  How could it possibly fail to be amazing?  Just watch and find out.  Brynner is an actor I generally love, even when he’s in bad films (The Ultimate Warrior!).  But he’s so boring in this movie, he seems to be sleepwalking through.  The middle part of the film, involving a boring love story and some back stabbing officials, as well as some pirate politics, is just dull.  The best parts of the film are when Heston shows up, but that’s just the first few minutes and then near the climax.  The film was originally conceived as a musical, and more than many movies of the era, it really looks like a musical.  The colors, the costumes, the sets.  The soundstage work is so unreal it felt like an artistic choice to lend the film a fantasy vibe, but that doesn’t make much sense with the film’s content.  Other than Heston’s Jackson, the movie’s only other major selling point is that it’s about the War of 1812, and how many movies can make that claim?

The Last Hard Men:  Well, they’re men, and they’re hard.  Some brutal prisoners, led by James Coburn, escape a chain gang only to run into fresh-out-of-retirement lawman Charlton Heston.  What follows are a series of nasty confrontations and dastardly deeds, leading to a confusing and ugly finale.  The movie fully embraces the ugly meanness of the 70s, where even the heroes are scumbags, and the scumbags are worse than animals.  And unfortunately, Chris Mitchum.

    For The Agony and the Ecstasy, I served noodles with a meat sauce provided by Jill and Nero d’Avola wine.  Italy, man.

The Agony and the Ecstasy:  The lavish spectacle of the film competes with the lavish spectacle of the reality, in this adaptation of the classic novel about a genius artist and a bellicose pope.  Like many movies from this era, there’s a certain cleanness that I find slightly jarring.  Even its messes are clean.  The people are a bit too iconic, and some of their shades of grey were taboo, as the Hayes Codes were only just losing their grip on Hollywood.  But the issue at hand, the struggle of the artist with his benefactor, that created one of the most iconic pieces of art in history, is compelling, whatever the shortcomings of political and personal detail.  Italy during this era was a fascinating and multifaceted thing, a puzzle box of twisting history with connections and disconnects to birth countless stories.  I guess I can’t expect one movie to have them all.  Heston and Harrison play well off each other, and there are moments of emotional power, for sure.  My viewing of the film was not ideal, so sometime coming up, I’m going to have to give it another, more focused watch and see what I think then.

    With the beginning of Soylent Green, I broke out the seaweed snacks, which made for a good tie-in.  Those things are good, and so few people are willing to try them.  Still, more for the rest of us.

Soylent Green:  The world is winding down, burdened by the weight of too much Humanity in this ugly vision of a horrible, slow-death future.  Everything is bleak, social justice is dead, the world is burning up, and nobody’s got anything to eat.  The wealthiest few still manage to live in luxury, while the huddled masses suffer through drab, meaningless existence, and only those willing to sell their souls and bodies to the rich get any taste of fleeting happiness.  With the murder of a pampered rich man, a cop enters the world of the powerful and begins to unravel a mystery that is too much for most people to bear.  Everyone is a whore in this film, selling themselves for scraps from the table of powerful people; who are themselves driving the whole world into ruin, and willing to do anything, make people believe anything, to keep their positions of power, no matter what the cost.  Who’d have thought?  The film still resonates today.

    For next year, I need to remember to start the day with more chips.  Early on, every time I opened a bag of chips, it was gone in an instant.  But, by the time most people started showing up, and bringing more, the chip eating rate balanced out and all was well.  Next time, start with more.  I can do that.  Otherwise, I think HestFest 2013 went very well, and I feel pretty good about it.

-Matt

A Fistful of Criterion Wannabes! (Brad's Picks)

This has been an amazing September.  Because of Riddick, The Family, Prisoners, and Insidious Chapter 2?  Hell no!  This has been an abysmal month for the big screen, even more dull and drab than the summer sequel sludge.  My only hope for cinematic joy was my blu ray player, and my cannonball plunge into The Criterion Collection has been a resilient shot in the arm.  2013 has been a bummer year at the movies, but have no fear, there are decades & decades & decades & decades of great cinema to devour.  If you are looking for a gateway into Film History than there is no better place to start than with a Criterion disc.  And thanks to the good folks over at Janus Films I discovered the works of Akira Kurosawa, Powell & Pressburger, Jules Dassin, and Sam Fuller.  But I'd be lying if I told you I began obsessively collecting spine numbers because of the auteurs.  My Criterion addiction began, like most cinematic obsessions, with genre.  The Silence of the Lambs, Robocop, Hard Boiled.  Criterion might be most renown for their French New Wavers and Japanese Samurais, but The Collection certainly has its wild side.  See Seconds, Kiss Me Deadly, Repo Man, and The Game just to name a few.  They have it all.  And randomly snatching from their distribution list is a brilliant way to spend a September.

I'm often asked by those not-in-the-know, "What is a Criterion film?"  My simple go-to answer is that it's "A Classic Film Whether You Know It Or Not."  Snarky?  Sure.  But I've never regretted watching a Criterion Release.  Yes, not even Armageddon.  After you've worked your way through a myriad of special features and plowed through a couple of their essays, you will see the wonders of even the Michael Bayiest of Michael Bay Explosion Fests.  Of course, if you handed Criterion over to me, would I give Tiny Furniture the spine number privilege?  No.  I am a genre fanboy after all.  So forget rights issues, and blah, blah, blah excuses - here's what terror I would unleash upon the company...

5.  The Bad Lieutenant - Port of Call New Orleans (Werner Herzog, 2009):  It is a downright crime that Herzog is not yet represented in The Collection.  The closest he comes is in the Fitzcaraldo documentary Burden of Dreams (Spine # 287), but close is not close enough.  Anchor Bay put out a really nice box set of the Kinski/Herzog collaborations several years back, but it is certainly time that Aguirre - Wrath of God is given the HD Special Edition treatment.  However, I'm going with the more recent Bad Lieutenant because it needs your attention.  Herzog nearly recaptures the glory of his classic efforts, and The Bad Lieutenant holds the last great performance from Nicolas Cage with a perfect example of his Mega Acting power.  His Detective Terrance is the scariest mixture of madness and intoxication since Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet.  Plus you've got dancing souls, lucky crack pipes, and invisible iguanas.  Mondo Posters has already produced some rather brilliant art for the film (see above), so just slap that sucker on the cover and we're good to go.

4.  A Boy And His Dog (L.Q. Jones, 1975):  Only months ago, Shout Factory released this weirdo picture on blu ray.  It's a great disc with a stunning transfer and a nifty conversation between director Jones & short story artist Harlan Ellison.  But I am not satisfied.  I want a Mr. Arkadin style box set here.  Give me the film, an isolated Ellison rant track, the original story, and some killer Richard Corben cover art.  And how about an in-depth documentary detailing A Boy And His Dog's watershed reinvention of the Post-Apocalypse genre with a confessional George Miller offering all of Mad Max's royalties to Ellison?  I'm sure the little tyrant would appreciate that.

3.  Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (J. Lee Thompson, 1972):  I love the Apes franchise.  A few weeks ago I dropped the original film on my Top 20 Films of All Time, but I could easily swap Part 1 for Part 4.  Conquest is an angry spit in the face of humanity.  Just watch (or read above) Caesar's climactic tirade against man, and witness cinema's greatest social exorcism.  Guys in monkey masks?  No way.  Roddy McDowell gives a towering performance behind the latex and false teeth.  The final twist of the first film might have had a fist pump of rage against the machine, but Conquest swings the hammer, smashing the idiocy of racism while understanding the pain of oppression.  This is the art of science-fiction.  Grab Devin Faraci for the essay & commentary track, and assemble Phantom City Creative for the art.

2.  The Gunfighter (Henry King, 1950):  I came very close to suggesting a Roger Corman School of Acting Box Set a la the BBS series, but made a last minute change preferring the film that launched the mega producer down his B Movie-blazing career.  It's a somber, low budget Western in which Gregory Peck's outlaw can't sip a drink in a saloon without quick drawing against some upstart punk.  Corman leant some words to the screenplay, but when he was never given the credit he fled the studio system to make his own movies.  The rest is exploitation history.  You want more reasons why this belongs in The Collection than read my cineAWESOME review from last year.

1.  Point Blank (John Boorman, 1967):  Here is a film I just can't shut up about.  You should already know that John Boorman's trippy nightmare adaptation of Richard Stark's novel The Hunter is my 7th Favorite Film of All Time.  The more time passes, the more I think about it.  Lee Marvin is a one-track thug.  He's double crossed by his wife and partner, but it's less about personal revenge and more about what he's owed.  The rage is certainly in the book, but Boorman brings some Kafkan blunt force trauma with him.  Inevitability.  Futility.  Frustration.  A real beast.  Steven Soderbergh & Boorman did a commentary track for a Warner Brothers disc a few years back, so just port that over to the Criterion.  But let's add a really swell remembrance of Donald Westlake aka Richard Stark, and throw in a Darwyn Cooke mini-comic for fun.  The Midnight Marauder poster above should definitely be used for the cover.

Pssst!  Darwyn Cooke's Slayground Adaptation is Coming Soon!

--Brad

A Fistful of Colors! (Brad's Picks)

"I'm In Your Shower...Shhhh."

I really cannot wait to see Liam Neeson punch some wolves in The Grey.  Matt & I have been talking about this film nearly since the second it was announced; Liam Neeson has been kicking some serious ass of late with Seraphim Falls, Taken, Unknown, & The A-Team and I don't want him to stop.  Please, no more film's like The Other Man.  We know you can do drama Liam, but we just want you to bust some heads ya vicious bastard.

Anyway, to celebrate I picked a batch of other Color related titles featuring some pretty tough old dudes.

5.  Silver Bullet:  This fairly decent Stephen King adaptation not only features two tough dudes (Everett McGill & Gary Busey), but one's a (SPOILER!!!!!!!!!) a Werewolf! and the other's a friendly Drunk Uncle!  Silver Bullet is not going to win any awards in the scary horror department, but it's a fun little film in that Halloween Marathon kinda way.

4.  Mackenna's Gold:  Last week I ranted and raved about Gregory Peck in The Gunfighter, and now I'm here to sing the praise of his even older, tougher badass performance in Mackenna's Gold.  Held hostage by Omar Sharif's gold hunting gangster, Peck must keep his wits about him as he turns bandido against bandido while also keeping an eye out for rampaging savages...uh, Native Americans.

3.  Red Heat:  Is there anything more badass than Arnold Schwarzenegger's Russian cop playing Bus Chicken with Ed O'Ross' cocaine trafficking maniac while Jim Belushi cowers & screams in the aisle?  Answer, no.  I LOVE RED HEAT!  Is it my favorite Arnie picture?  Not by a long shot.  But that Walter Hill 48 Hours formula is still going strong in this film, and there is enough 80s sleaze to keep that teenager part of your brain throbbing.  Absolute ridiculous action violence fun.

2.  The Blues Brothers:  Jake & Elwood are on a mission from God to save their orphanage and bring the band back together.  And they are ice cold, cool as cucumbers, cool.  As a child, I knew I never had a chance in heck of being this cool no matter how many harmonicas I stuffed down my briefcase.  The Blues Brothers remains one of my all time favorite movies.

1.  Soylent Green:  And here's another film I can't talk enough about.  Seriously, I know you already know the climactic spoiler, but this film is much much more than just its well-known revelation.  Soylent Green is an excellent dystopian police procedural with one of Charlton Heston's finest performances.  Mix in a pretty nifty collection of neckerchiefs, Brock Peters, Chuck Conners, and Edward G Robinson and you've got yourself one helluva night out at the movies.

--Brad

Brad's Week in Dork! (1/15/12-1/21/12)

I might not have consumed as many films as I did last week, but I sure had a productive Week in Dork.

After much thought and discussion, I finally kicked off my Westerns Review series over at Cineawesome with the Henry King directed, The Gunfighter.  The purpose of these reviews is not to chat on about all those Great Films like The Searchers or The Wild Bunch, but to tackle lesser known classics or forgotten oddities.  So you can expect to see reviews of The Ox-Bow Incident, The Shooting, Tom Horn, Silent Tongue, Seraphim Falls, and The Proposition in the near future.

And I'm still obsessing over Roger Comran flicks.  After several years of yearning, I finally got my hands on a copy of The St. Valentine's Day Massacre and I was kinda shocked at it's superior quality.  The next goal is to track down X The Man with the X-Ray Eyes and Apache Woman.  The goal is to see all the films referenced in Corman's World that I have not yet devoured.

And the boob tube was another big time killer this week.

TV OF THE WEEK!

Boardwalk Empire Season One:  Most of my week was taken up with my new found obsession, Boardwalk Empire.  A lot of folks I trust told me not to expect much from this show, but I was hooked from the very first pilot and I honestly can't remember the last time an obsession took hold so quickly.  Of course, I love the era.  Prohibition.  Background players made up of a young Capone, Lansky, and Lucky Luciano.  But this is Steve Buscemi's show, and he is utterly brilliant as the puppet master Nucky and Michael Shannon's psychotic G-Man scares the crap outta me.  The season wrapped up a little too neatly and I was left wanting more from some of the supporters like Dabney Coleman's Commodore and Shea Whigham's weak little brother, but I cannot wait to see what violence erupts in the second season.

Supernatural Season 7 Episode "Adventures in Babysitting" & "Time After Time After Time":  Last week's Babysitting Adventure was absolutely terrible thanks to some horrifically annoying teenager casting, but the time traveling Chronos hunt was heaps of fun.  The giddy joys of watching Jensen Ackles run 20s slang against his new partner, Elliot Ness (The X-Files' bastard turncoat, Nicholas Lea!) was nearly uncontrollable.  I swear this show makes me feel like a twelve year old girl, but I love it.  Sure, this season feels a little bit like it's jumped the shark but I could see it regaining steam once the Leviathan Hunt gets proper.

Justified Season 3 Episode "The Gunfighter":  The third season starts off proper with Timothy Olyphant and Walton Goggins coming to blows in the US Marshals office sending the bad boy Boyd back upstate, Raylan licking his wounds.  But that's just the first of several confrontations in this ep:  Ava & Devil & The Frying Pan, the new big bad Neal McDonough & the in-over-his-head Emitt Arnett, and Raylan's showdown with ice-picker Fletcher.  The overall season arc is not as obvious as last year's, but I can't wait to see where these cowboys go.


MOVIES OF THE WEEK!

The Gunfighter:  ‎"Get Killed Somewhere Else!" Gregory Peck gives one of his finest performances (and quite possibly his finest performance) as the aging (35 years old!) shootist Jimmy Ringo, a man who can't seem to sip a drink without some whelp interrupting him with gunfire. Set mostly in one saloon, tended by a young Karl Malden, The Gunfighter is a near brilliant Western of claustrophobic beauty that set the standards for morally ambivalent Eastwood flicks like The Outlaw Josey Wales and Unforgiven. The script offers lots to chew on with White Hats, Black Hats, and No Hats attempting conflict with Peck's sure aim. And there is an absolutely killer climax.  To read further of my uncontrollable Western love, read my full review over at Cineawesome!

Jackson County Jail:  ‎"They're Going To Kill You." "That Don't Matter. I Was Born Dead." Dang depressing exploitation flick. I really love the first fifteen/twenty minutes and the last fifteen/twenty minutes, but the middle is bogged down in a lot of mundane scripting. A young, Rolling Thunder era Tommy Lee Jones partners up with the savage housewife, Yvette Mimieux after her brutal rape inside a hick jailhouse. Jones is a disgusting brute, but has wonderful chemistry with Mimieux and their final getaway had me cheering the way only B Movie exploitation can. Not a great film, but a must-see for fans of the Roger Corman sensibility.

Haywire:  ‎20 days into the new year and I've finally seen my first new release of 2012. Haywire is a decent enough action flick with director Steven Soderbergh seeming to practice a style exercise similar to Joe Wright's Hanna, but nowhere near as engaging thanks to a fairly lifeless performance from MMA fighter Gina Carano. Hmmmm...that's a bit harsh, she gets the job done. But there are several cringe-inducing line readings ("You Better Run") and even though her beastly man-beatings are seriously badass (the Fassbender hotel 'bout being the film's highlight), Carano would probably have been better served as choreographer than actress. The film is lined with several fine actors (Ewan McGregor, Anotonio Banderas, Bill Paxton, Michael Douglas) but they all seem to be phoning it in for their director friend. Still, you could do worse than Hanna-lite.

Avalanche Express:  A fascinating, if somewhat disturbing film to watch as a film fan. During production of the film both its director Mark Robson and co-star Robert Shaw died of heart attacks just weeks apart. Robert Rietti was brought on to redo Shaw's audio so for the entire runtime you never once hear's Shaw's actual voice. Honestly, how can you get past that? The actual story of Lee Marvin's secret agent escorting Shaw's Soviet defect across foreign borders is fairly dullsville anyway, but it becomes downright surreal with the dubbing. And apparently Monte Hellman and Gene Corman (brother to Roger) were brought on to finish the picture. A bizarre viewing experience.

99 and 44/100% Dead:  Well, this one is just bonkers. The back of the box says "In a future where the laws of reality have been suspended, Harry Crown (Richard Harris) is a hit man..." Well, this ain't sci-fi. And I don't know about this future business. I think it just takes place in a zany comedy world where gunshots are the norm and Chuck Conners can be taken semi-seriously with his interchangeable mechanical arm as he battles it out with Richard Harris in his amazing pair of goofy-cool, thick rimmed glasses. Seriously, what the hell is going on in this film. I need to watch it again. With people. Special People, who can handle the title let alone its whacky antics.

The St. Valentine's Day Massacre:  Directed with the sure hand of a mature Roger Corman, The St. Valentine's Day Massacre is a low-budget, but definitely Hollywood attempt at historical accuracy centering around the infamous 1929 gangland killings of 7 of Bugs Moran's (Ralph Meeker) bootlegger goons. Stuffed with Paul Frees' Dragnet narration, the movie delivers a fairly emotionless account of the events leading up to the killings but thankfully fills the roles of dozens of key characters with fine performances. Jason Robards is piles of fun as the baseball bat swinging Al Capone, and George Segal is genuinely scary as the sandwich chomping lady-beater Peter Gusenberg. And don't blink or you'll miss uncredited assassins Jack Nicholson and Dick Miller.

COMIC BOOKS OF THE WEEK!

BPRD Hell on Earth Volume 2--Gods and Monsters:  Having spent decades in the Marvel and DC Universes where catastrophic events (Magneto flipping the world's axis once or twice, for example) it is utterly refreshing to experience the catastrophes on display in The Mignolaverse. B.P.R.D started out as a minor, sister-title to Hellboy but has nearly become the the go-to book for the Hellboy & Co saga. Hell on Earth Volume 1 began with the end of the Frog War and the volcanic devastation of Texas. Volume 2 picks up with horrendous, Hyperborean beasts roving and ravaging good 'ole U.S.of A. Firestarter Liz has gone trailerpark awol and Abe may be the new beast of the Frog Apocalypse. The book literally coaxed a gasp of shock from me at one point, and I'm dying to see where Volume 3's Russia takes the horrors of this story. Whatever the case, the world's axis will not be reset to A-okay.

Witchfinder Volume 2--Lost and Gone Forever:  Mike Mignola's 19th Century Occult Investigator leaves the gothic confines of London for the zombified Wild West of the Americas. And that's kinda my problem with the whole venture. Even though it's rather fun to see Grey parlay with Will Bill Hickock types and rassle demon dogs and you do get a quick peak at his lycanthropic origin--it's just too early in this series to have Grey doing global field trips. Maybe if this was Volume 5 or 6, but I'm just dying to see Grey battling Satan for The Queen.  Still, John Severin's art is bloody brilliant and reminiscent of the best of Richard Corben, especially when handling those demon dogs.

--Brad

Matt’s Week in Dork! (8/14/11-8/20/11)

    Though the beginning of the week was somewhat light on dorkiness, the end was capped off with the Baltimore Comic-Con, so that’s a heck of a cherry on top.  As usual, first we have the movies.


100 Rifles:  There was a time, a strange and wonderful time, when Burt Reynolds ruled Hollywood and Jim Brown was in nearly every film that came out.  100 Rifles comes from that.  Not a great movie, and not especially original or ground breaking, it’s still a lot of fun.  Some good, blazing gun battles.  A beautiful Raquel Welch.  And a pretty good odd couple team of Reynolds and Brown.  That and an excellent cast of character actors and beautiful scenery all bring the movie a touch of unexpected quality.  If you’re in the mood for some westploitation, check this one out.

Star Trek The Motion Picture:  An attempt to elevate Star Trek into the realm, not of Star Wars, but of 2001, this movie sports some impressive special effects and sets, and perhaps some heavy concepts.  However, the story itself is extremely simple, and those heavy concepts were already well traveled lands when this film came out (several times on the original show, in fact).  It is very slow paced, which I think is what many don’t care for.  I find myself liking the film quite a bit, though.  If not always for what it does, but often for what it tried to do.  With the follow-up, Wrath of Khan, Trek films became largely a science fiction action movie series.  But this was trying to be a serious science fiction film.  The score is really fantastic, too.  Often unfairly judged, this was really quite an accomplishment.  Check it out, and try to watch it with an open mind.

Final Destination 5:  Tony Todd watches people not die…then die.  Have you seen one of these movies?  Then you’ve seen this movie.  It’s stupid, stupid, stupid.  And this batch of actors was especially bad.  I’m always glad to see Tony Todd, but I wish he was in better stuff.

"Seriously, it's the same movie.  But my check cleared."

Doctor Who: Image of the Fendahl:  A solid, if not especially great story finds the Doctor and Leela facing off against an ancient evil from the dawn of the Solar system.  This story does have an excellent cast and they get a good deal of play.  Leela looks a little weird in this story, due to the actress getting a rather unfortunate haircut.  Otherwise, while good, there’s not a lot to make it really stand out.

Arabesque:  Gregory Peck channels Cary Grant in this screw-ball, espionage romantic caper.  I don’t think there’s a single Arab actor playing any one of the many Arab characters.  It’s funny, has some crazy swinging music from Henry Mancini, and some totally over the top direction from Stanley Donen (his follow up to the actual Cary Grant film, Charade).  I’m sure when this was made, they were tossing around “James Bond like” and there are some obvious parallels.  But this is its own thing.  And it’s worth checking out just to see Peck playing a goof.

Super:  Wow.  Feel like getting depressed?  This occasionally funny, often grim, and almost always sad look at a man who wants to do good in a world of bad is certainly worth a watch.  A great cast does a fine job, many in small but enjoyable roles (look out for William Katt!).  But this is not the feel good hit of the year, that’s for sure.

The Birds:  What a really, really strange movie.  From the lack of score to the crazy character interactions, this is simply odd.  Rod Taylor is one smooth dude, though; navigating through a minefield of womanly emotions from his clingy mother to his impetuous sister, not to mention the stalker socialite.  And then the birds show up.  Madness.  Seeing it at the AFI Silver was a great experience, too. 

Exposed:  Christina Lindberg does her thing.  She’s kind of cute in a girl next door sort of way, and she takes her clothes off a lot.  Otherwise, this movie is indistinguishable from dozens and dozens of other Euro-trash movies.  The music is pretty good, in that swinging late 60s sort of way.

Conan the Barbarian (2011):  This piece of cinematic garbage makes me long for the magic of Ralf Moeller’s Conan the Adventurer.  I don’t know if it is actually possible to screw this up more than the filmmakers did.  From details to the grandest of themes, this isn’t Robert E. Howard’s classic character.  And, it’s simply an awful film to boot.  Bad acting, boring action, crappy effects, dreadful music, and completely idiotic script.  A true turd of a film. 

No matter how far I ride, I can not find a shirt!

    So, on Saturday, Brad, Lisa, our mutual friend Robert, and I all traveled to the Baltimore Comic-Con, which was, as usual, a lot of fun.  Hopefully, Brad and I will have more on it in the days to come.  I think our lives should be getting back to some kind of order after a month or so of nuttiness.  The artist’s ally seemed more jam-packed than in years before.  I like the diversity of people, too.  The big name companies don’t seem to be all that interested in the con scene anymore, so Marvel and DC didn’t really represent.  But they weren’t really missed, either.  From Boom! Studios to Top Shelf to lots and lots of self publishers, there was far more than costumed heroes to check out.  And there were tons of costumed fans.  A surprising number of pretty good ones, too.  I do with the con ran a little longer.  I was only there for the one day, and 6PM seemed early for wrapping up.  I’ll talk about the con a bit more later, and hopefully have some pictures of some of my spoils.

    Plus, when we got back to VA, we stopped at Brad's and watched some episodes of Batman!

    On the book front, I have again picked up Helen of Troy, by Bettany Hughes.  I really mean to finish it this time.  It’s a good book.  Very well written and interesting.  I’ve just gotten side-tracked every time I’ve picked it up.  I’m gonna try this time.  Really, I am.  And I’m interested in reading her new book, The Hemlock Cup.  I’ve still not gotten around to writing up my Conan graphic novel reviews for the last few volumes, and feel like a chump about that.  But I’ll get to it.  Honestly, haven’t been writing all that much of anything recently (as readers of this blog will already have noticed).

    As far as music goes, I snagged an older St. Vincent CD, but haven’t really listened to it much.

-Matt