A Fistful of The Maligned! (Brad's Picks)

Oh January.  What a wonderful dumping ground you are.  The Awards Season is over.  The Oscar Nominations have been picked.  Goodbye 12 Years A Slave, hello The Legend of Hercules.  For most moviegoers this is a time for catchup, snatching the good word of Lone Survivor, Frozen, The Wolf of Wall Street, and American Hustle.  But we here at ITMOD dream of the great bad movie, or the next forgotten misunderstood gem.  Sure, Renny Harlin specializes in write-off trash these days, but as you'll see below, he's ticked off a fun film or two in his time.  Maybe his baby face Hercules will ascend to the art of high camp.  Or what about this Jack Ryan fellow?  Or Aaron Eckhart's sexy stick fighting Frankenstein?  Look - these are long shots.  But gold has struck in January.  Remember The Grey, or Doomsday, or Rambo.

And I love to play contrarian.  The Great Defender.  While the world championed the arty ennui of Frances Ha, I was going to bat for the offensively weird The Lone Ranger.  I don't think you can really call yourself a movie fan unless you've encountered and battled for the underdog.  But in the batshit trenches of the Internet you can find fellow weirdos, and suddenly distributers like Shout Factory start producing Special Editions of Halloween III and Tank Girl.  When putting together my own list of Favorite (Unfairly) Maligned films I found it difficult to choose older films - the problem being that given enough time even the most hated films find their fanbase.  So who knows what popularity the films below will find in the future; all I can tell you is that when friends hear of my enthusiasm for these flicks a quizzical look crosses their face.  My co-dork Matt joins me for some of these, but no matter how hard I try he can't bring himself to understand the films in slots 3 & 1.  I'm gonna break him one of these days.

5.  Your Highness:  I'm generally not a fan of pothead humor.  I've never smoked a joint in my life.  And the glorification of weed and booze irritates the hell outta me.  I'm a regular L7 (after all, I just used L7).  But dammit, I can't help myself when it comes the stupidity of Danny McBride, Seth Rogen, and James Franco.  Mixing their brand of idiocy with the absurdity of the Deathstalker genre ignites a childish glee within.  Teaming the foul sloth McBride with Franco's Prince Charming in a latex heavy quest through mushroom wizards, wood nymphs, and minotaurs?  Hell yes, that is hilarious.

4.  Knight and Day:  Released not to long after the couch jump incident, when the world turned against the smiling scientologist, Knight and Day is an inexplicably titled action romance from journeyman director James Mangold that tickled all my right fancies.  Tom Cruise is utterly bonkers here, his Ethan Hunt persona cranked up to 11 and it's both terrifying & appealing to Cameron Diaz's bored bridesmaid.  Their flirtation is adorable - a genuinely cute middle aged couple, something you do not often find in cinema these days and certainly not found within the action genre.  The challenge for you is to separate celebrity from the movies - tear up your US Weeklys, your People Magazines, set yourself free and rediscover your love of fiction.

3.  Die Hard 2 - Die Harder:  "Another basement, another elevator. How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?"  Look, I'm not going to try and tell you that Die Harder is superior to Die Hard.  That's just foolish.  But Die Harder is a fascinatingly bizarre upping of the ante.  The film is filled with scenery devouring performances from a variety of familiar faces: William Sadler, Franco Nero, Dennis Franz, Fred Thompson, William Atherton, John Amos, Robert Patrick, Tom Bower, Art Evans.  Director Renny Harlin pushes the violence to extremes with blood splattered massacres, throat slicings, and icicle impalements.  There are not two lines of dialog without at least one juicy F Bomb.  Classy?  No.  But the sequel earns its "er" for sure.  Dumb and goofy, I love it.

2.  The Ladykillers:  Filmed directly after a true abomination (Intolerable Cruelty), but before their critical renaissance (No Country For Old Men), Joel & Ethan Coen chose to transplant an Ealing Classic to the American South.  They picked Tom Hanks for their ringleader and it's a shoot-for-the-moon performance not seen from the Oscar Winner since the early days of The Money Pit.  People tell me its not funny.  I don't get this.  I bust my gut laughing every time I watch another weirdo crook attempt old lady homicide.  The Ladykillers is not Fargo.  I see similarities to the comedy on display in Raising Arizona and The Hudsucker Proxy, but at the end of the day it's a feast of caricature.  You either accept that or you rewatch The Big Lebowski for the 100th time.

1.  Domino:  After years of photographic experimentation, Tony Scott took all his hand crank tricks, his splicing magic, his saturation pallet, and set fire to subtlety.  The "Based on True Events" screenplay doctored by Donnie Darko's Richard Kelly is an absurd assault on Reality Television and our celebrity obsessed culture.  Kiera Knightley gets pornographic with her posh accent, joining forces with the toeless Mickey Rourke, and showing Brian Austen Green & Ian Ziering how a true Beverly Hills diva throws a tantrum.  It involves nunchucks, machine guns, and lapdances.  There can't be a shot in this film that doesn't last more than half a second, but if you can train your brain to keep up, then Domino offers a sensory barrage like none other.  One of my absolute favorite films of the last ten years.

--Brad

The 2012 Dorkies- The Best and Worst of Cinema (Matt's Picks)

"The Year of Disappointment"

    This was a rough year.  After several early disappointments, and a couple huge mid year ones, things were getting pretty desperate.  Even the better movies were only pretty good.  And after finally seeing a bunch of good female roles in the last year or two, this year’s near void was just annoying.  Yet it wasn’t a total loss, and the Fall brought with it some better selections.  And even before the Autumn season, there were a couple surprises like The Avengers, for which I’d had no particular excitement.

    Like last year, when I wasn’t able to see Hugo until just after the close of the Dorkies, I didn’t see Beasts of the Southern Wilds until just a couple days too late.  Like Hugo, it would probably get a place on my top ten, so do yourself a favor and check it out (and Hugo if you haven’t seen it yet).

    Speaking of last year, you may notice a bit less excitement in my discussion this year.  That is, in large part because last year was one of the best years in movies I’ve experienced, and this year has been…well, less than thrilling.  Take a look at my Dorkies from last year to see me blubber over a bunch of awesome.

Best Movies:

10) Coriolanus- Shakespeare’s play about a loyal Roman soldier betrayed the very people he served is updated to the modern world (it looks like Eastern Europe).  The cast is excellent and it’s beautifully shot.  Ralph Fiennes stars and directs, and he makes himself into a vicious beast, a monster unleashed, who eventually turns his gnashing teeth back upon his masters.  It’s awesome and nasty, and it’s nice to see Fiennes play a badass.

9)  Dredd- The comic finally gets a serious take (and he never takes his helmet off!) in this grim, violent, nasty bit of dystopian action.  There’s not much in the way of plot, but there’s plenty of action.

8)  Looper- A pretty good time travel story, with style and panache to spare.  The trailers didn’t really let you in on major elements of the story (which is good), and I won’t either.  Interesting characters, plenty of twists, a couple really nasty turns, and good performances.

7)  The Grey- Jack London would be proud of this tale of survival in the cold wastes.  A man on the edge ends up at the end of the Earth.  But when his plane goes down, he and a few survivors must battle the elements, wolves, and each other to make it out alive.  Nothing really new here, but it’s very well done, and very tense.

6)  Skyfall- This third outing for Craig as Bond is pretty awesome.  Great villain, excellent supporting cast, fantastic action.  Very good stuff.

5)  Cloud Atlas- A grand science fiction tale of a type rarely done in film these days.  It takes place over multiple times in multiple places.  The cast is mixed and matched, with strange make-up, gender and ethnic changes, heroics and villainy.  It doesn’t always work, but when it does, it’s something special.

4)  Django Unchained- An old school western, filtered through the eye of Tarantino, with all his 70s exploitation love.  There’s a touch of sleazy stuff like Mandingo and Drum, the Spaghetti flavored west of Leone and Corbucci, but more than a dash of 50s and 60s epic Westerns.  Violent, funny, disturbing, and oddly uplifting.

3)  Expendables 2- When I was feeling especially blue about 2012’s lackluster offerings, Expendables 2 came along and put a gigantic smile on my face.  It was just as big, dumb, violent, funny, and crazy as I wanted, with all the winks and nudges and chest poundings I was hungry for.  The fact that the PG-13 rating had been long rumored, made its very, very R levels of nasty a welcome surprise.  Oh, sure, much of it is CG, but less crappy CG than you often get.

2)  Robot & Frank- An old man has been living on his own for too long, and he’s slipping, probably into the depths of Alzheimer’s or something like it.  His white collar son and his vacuous do-gooder daughter can’t be bothered to come back and care for him.  But his son does buy him a robot.  The story of Frank and his robot, and Frank’s re-awakening is heartwarming and charming.  And Langella is the bee’s knees.

1)  Moonrise Kingdom- A fanciful look back at lost youth.  Wes Anderson brings his unique brand of super-stylized oddness to the world of summer camps, young love, and youthful adventure.  With a cast of cracked folks and some strange circumstances, he gets at the heart of the dreams we had as children.  I never went to summer camp.  I did not meet my first love when I was 10 or 12 years old.  And I’ve never been struck by lightening.  But this movie felt very much like it was about me at that age.

Best Actress:  Helen Mirren (Hitchcock)  I’m gonna have to admit here, Mirren is kind of getting this by default.  Look, she’s a fine actress, and I’ve nearly given her Best Actress and Actor of the Year awards more than once in the past.  But this year, she pretty much had the only lead female role that was worth a toss in 2012.  At least in the films I saw.  She’s excellent in Hitchcock, playing the grounding center of Hitch’s world, and a worthy foil and partner.  I just wish she’d had more competition.

Best Actor:  Frank Langella (Robot & Frank)  Not only does Langella play old and somewhat senile well, but he spends much of his time playing to a robot, which he in turn helps breaths life into.  Langella, who can, and frequently does, play things over the top and theatrical, tones it down for a very heartfelt performance.

Best Supporting Actress:  Charlize Theron (Snow White and the Huntsman)  The movie was OK, but Theron’s totally whacked out evil queen/sorceress performance deserves some note.  Had the movie shifted focus to her, I think it would have dramatically improved.

Best Supporting Actor:  Jim Broadbent (Cloud Atlas)  A fine actor who has consistently turned in memorable performances for years, he’s the master of sinister joviality.  Cloud Atlas gives him the chance to play several characters, but he’s so much fun as the literary agent betrayed by everyone and stuck in a horrible old folks home.

Best Director:  Wes Anderson (Moonrise Kingdom)  Anderson’s ultra-stylized technique is perfect for this look back on the nostalgic wonder of being a kid.  When you watch an Anderson movie, you’re in a different universe with its own set of rules.  But they’re rules that make a sort of sense.

The Bottom 5 Films of the Year:

5) Underworld: Awakening:  How can you make looking at a woman’s amazing ass boring?  See this movie and find out.  The first couple movies in this series were OK.  This one is not.

4) The Raven:  I think this could maybe have been good.  But it’s not.  Bad script, bad acting, bad movie.  It is powerfully dull.

3) Mirror, Mirror:  Just because a movie is made for kids doesn’t mean you can be lazy.  Dreadful.  The script would be laughable if it wasn’t so painful.  Everyone involved in this should know better.

2) The Hunger Games:  Remember the Running Man?  Yeah, this is the same movie, only crappy and boring.  The future is full of ugly young people (who don’t look hungry at all) and drag queens.

1) Life of Pi:  This movie pretty much says, straight-up, that god and religion are what people make up to deal with life’s difficulties.  I agree.  However, where I think that’s a bad thing, this film says that’s great.   In fact, believing whatever makes you feel better is WAY better than facing reality.  Wishy-washy, condescending, cloying, boring, and just bloody awful.  If you feel like listening to a bunch of new age mumbo-jumbo, this is the movie for you.  Ang Lee, man.  What happened?

Worst Actor of the Year:  Kate Beckensale - From her drab buttock bouncing role in the fourth Underworld movie to her absolute cringe inducing ‘performance’ in Total Recall, Beckensale stepped up to the plate and hit homerun after homerun of crap.  Like Jessica Alba, the further she gets away from just standing there looking pretty, the more profound her lack of acting ability seems to become.

Biggest Disappointments

5) Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance:  The first Ghost Rider was a world class turd.  And I, like the rest of the world, had little interest in ever seeing any kind of follow-up.  But then I found out the Crank boys got their hands on the franchise, and they were going to do it up in all the R-rated glory it deserved.  Then it got cut to PG-13, and the whole thing felt like they had the Crank boys on an extremely short leash.  Sure, there are a bunch of great moments and the Rider looks fantastic.  But the movie is lifeless and pulls back every time it needs to go the distance.

4) The Woman in Black:  I was so glad to hear that Hammer was back in business, but their first few new films were both not very Hammer and not very good (well, Let Me In was pretty good).  So, when I saw the trailer for this movie, which has the look and feel of classic Hammer Horror, I was super excited.  Oh, sure, it looked like just another ghost story, but it could be cool, right?  Alas, it was pretty blah.  It looks good and all, but at the end of the day, it really is just another ghost story.  Nothing new at all.  Same jumps and starts.  Same creaky doors and weird reflections.  Blah.

3) Brave:  This is a hard one.  Brave is a good movie.  But for Pixar, it’s a letdown at best.  It has little to none of the wow factor previous efforts from the studio have had. It feels restrained when it should be letting go.  It could have been so, so much more.  They’ve finally got a really compelling female lead…so they shift the focus away from her for much of the film.  It’s no Rango, no Tintin, no How to Raise a Dragon, and certainly no Wall-E.  Recent years have produced much better animated features.  Pixar has frequently raised the bar on animated features, this time they fell sadly short of their own high standards.  Maybe Brave did well enough and there will be a sequel that can actually focus on the lead girl, and she might become the strong role model she seems to have been conceived as.

2) John Carter:  Edgar Rice Burroughs’ John Carter novels are among the most influential of the 20th Century, inspiring countless classic films and franchises (ever hear of Star Wars or Superman?).  So, when the director of Wall-E got a huge budget and a fairly free hand to craft a cinematic adaptation, I was darned jazzed.  But then, Disney spent a year back-peddling as much as they could.  With one of the worst advertising campaigns ever, they did whatever they could to make people not want to see the movie.  But beyond that, the whole film felt like an apology for even bothering.  Instead of embracing the madness of the tales, the filmmakers tried really hard to gloss them over.  What we’re left with is a giant, expensive disaster that isn’t good enough or interesting enough to become a cult classic.  It’s not a bad movie.  Sadly, that might have been less painful.  Instead, it’s nowhere near as good as it could or should have been, but good enough to let you know they could have done it right and didn’t.  And though I think it eventually turned a profit, it was (like Ang Lee’s Hulk) perceived as a flop and pretty much killed any hope of more to come, sequels where they might have tried getting it right.

1) Prometheus:  I think Hellboy II may have been the only other movie to be such a sure thing yet somehow fail.  Alien is one of my favorite movies.  Ridley Scott is behind a couple of my favorite science fiction movies.  Several of the cast members are among today’s top actors.  And did you see that trailer?!  Come on!  This movie was gonna be AWESOME.  But, somewhere along the way, Scott forgot to get a script.  The only interesting character in the whole danged movie is the robot, and he’s hardly in it.  All the production design in the world can’t make up for a bad story.  Just a shame.  And the whole third act?  What the deuce?  Awful.  Just awful.

Video Discoveries:

10) The Val Lewton Horror Collection:  I’d seen a couple of these movies before, but watching them all, you really see such a ground breaking and influential creative force.  Lewton helped launch several careers, created screen language still used today, and left an enduring legacy in his all too brief life.

9) Black Narcissus:  A tale of nuns under pressure.  When one cracks, it is the soul of dramatic film.  Crazy, man.

8) Five Elements Ninjas:  One of the most enjoyable classic martial arts films I’ve seen to date.  Great visuals, great fights, awesome bad dubbing.  This is what it’s all about.

7) Frisco Jenny:  The life and times of a tough lady who won’t let the world take her down.  It’s rough, it’s nasty, it’s kind of awesome.  And Ruth Chatterton is fantastic.

6) The Flesh Eaters:  This is the kind of movie that MST3K dreams are made of.  It’s wacky, weird, schlocky, and silly.  But it’s also kind of amazing.  Enjoy with friends.  You won’t regret it.

5) Razorback:  A crazy, spiritual quest to slay giant monster boars.  Welcome to Australia, mate.

4) Wings:  Amazing flying footage, some cool performances, and a good story make this silent film one of the best WWI films I’ve seen.  And a brief appearance helped launch Gary Cooper’s career.

3) Guns, Girls and G-Strings Collection:  This epic of artificial boobs, hair spray, and weird vehicles is kind of amazing.  I mean, it’s terrible.  But it’s wonderful.

2) The Virgin Spring:  This stark medieval film about religion, family, tragedy, and vengeance is beautiful and haunting.  No surprise it’s a classic and its director considered one of the greats.

1) Viva Las Vegas:  Elvis is awesome and Ann-Margret is crazy.  Together they make movie musical magic.

Best Video Re-Discovery:  The Terror of Mechagodzilla- I’ve been a fan of Godzilla films since I was a wee lad.  I rediscovered this love in the early 90s thanks to a friend and his VHS collection, but I drifted away from watching them for some time, because they’re really best viewed with friends, and I didn’t have any that were into them.  However, flipping through bargain bins, I found some DVDs and figured, why not?  I also grabbed Criterion’s version of Godzilla during a recent sale.  And, I’ve been reading a great Godzilla comic, The Half Century War.  But it was watching The Terror of Mechagodzilla, the last of the original run of films, that my love was reawakened.  The model work, the suits, the crazy story.  It’s fantastic.  My opinion of the Japanese film industry is very, very low.  But this venerable franchise is one of the few bright spots.

    This was also the year I discovered that I am a Jean Rollin fan.  Having been working through his filmography for a couple years now (at first without realizing it), I’ve come to really relish his dream-like fantasy world of low budget 70s Euro-eroticism.  Movies like Fascination, Dracula’s Fiancé, and Night of the Hunted give you a taste of whatever strange magic he had.  Are his movies what one might call ‘good’?  Probably not.  But there’s an essential something that makes them stand out, that makes them worth seeking out.  He’s everything Jess Franco isn’t.  And even when it’s clear the money and equipment wasn’t there, the heart was.  And that counts for a lot with this viewer.

“Hey!  It’s better than Avatar” (movies that might not be amazing, but they’re way more entertaining than Avatar):

5) Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

4) Snow Wight and the Huntsmen

3) Wrath of the Titans

2) Solomon Kane (yes, this movie was made years ago, but it just became available [sort of] in the States)

1) The Man With the Iron Fists

Best Documentary:  Corman’s World - A loving look at the master of low budget cinema.  Corman helped launch countless careers, created some memorable works, and kept it all going on a shoestring and a pack of gum.  He made it rich by making it poor.  Great interviews and great clips from movies.  And Jack Nicholson getting choked up (especially with how cocky he seems throughout) is actually a bit touching, and more than a bit disturbing.

Mulder’s Beard (the one good thing in an otherwise unwatchable movie):  Kate Beckensale’s Ass in Underworld: Awakening.  It’s perfect.  She and the film are crap.

The Year’s Worst Trailer: Haywire - The trailer made this passable action movie look like amateur hour at the crap factory.  Every moment, every line of dialog looked like fermented garbage.  But, when I forced myself to watch it (if you know me, you know why I had to), it turned out to be a pretty good movie.  “You better run.”…really?

Sound of the Year:  Tom Hardy’s ‘Mnyeaah’ from Lawless (it makes a brief appearance in The Dark Knight Rises, too)


Best Score:  Looper (honorable mention: Beyond the Black Rainbow and Cloud Atlas)


Best God Fight:  The Wrath of the Titans Zeus/Hades team-up against Chronos


Best Cameo: Ralph Macchio in Hitchcock


Best Rock:  Journey 2 The Mysterious Island


Best Mustache:  James Spader’s amazing ’stache from Lincoln

The “Holy Crap It’s Finally Out!” award:  Solomon Kane was made years ago.  If I remember right, filming was done on this before pre-production on the crappy Conan movie from a couple years ago had even begun.  This was in theaters in Europe like two years ago.  Well, it never hit theaters here, and you still can’t get a DVD.  But, it’s on some streaming sites and I saw it.  And it was…OK.  Pretty good, even.  Not great.  But pretty good.


Best Quote:  “Jellybeans!” -FDR: American Badass

Best David Cronenberg Film: Beyond the Black Rainbow - Though made a couple years ago, it only became available in the States this year.  And while the real Cronenberg has been busy making a couple kind of dull movies, someone made this mad gem.

The ‘Why the Heck Did They Make This Dumbass Movie?” award:  The Amazing Spiderman - Seriously, it’s only been a couple years since Spiderman 3.  How can you re-launch the series this soon?  I mean, forgetting that the movie is bloody awful (which it is), it’s simply too soon.  Way too soon.


Top Three Abraham Lincolns:

3.  Benjamin Walker in Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter

2.  Daniel Day Lewis in Lincoln

1.  Kevin Sorbo in FDR: American Badass

Actor of the Year:  Bruce McGill  Each year, I pick an actor who I think had a great year.  Not that they were the best actor, or even that they were in the best films.  But they did something, or impressed me in some way.  This year, that award goes to Bruce McGill.  McGill has been around forever.  He shows up, plays a cop, or a military guy, or a politician, or whatever.  He does a good job, and he moves on.  He works all the time, and he doesn’t seem to be above anything, which I respect.  I saw him first this year in FDR: American Badass, where his Jellybean love was rivaled only by his polio-causing Nazi werewolf hate.  Next I saw him in Lincoln, where he wasn’t too happy to hear another of the President’s sagely stories.  And finally, I saw him as a president himself (Coolidge this time) in the Catholic propaganda film For Greater Glory.  In each, he gives it his all, not phoning it in.  I tip my hat to you, sir.

    So, looking to the upcoming year, I must say that my hopes are high.  First, after the extremely lackluster year 2012, I need something better.  I need a better year.  But also, there are a lot of potentially cool releases coming up.  My hope, and this may simply be a pipe dream, is that science fiction will finally have its day.  There are a bunch of big budget, big idea science fiction films coming out this year.  Not just Looper/Terminator/Gataca type things that are mostly just walking around the modern world with a few tweaks, but wild, space ships and aliens and crazy technology movies.  The kind of thing Avatar would have been had someone creative been behind the project, instead of James Cameron.  Oblivion, After Earth, Elysium, the new Star Trek, among others are coming soon.  Honestly, at this point, I don’t even need any one of those to be good.  I just need them to be successful.  Because if we can get some big idea, very science fiction looking movies to make some bank at the box office, then we won’t just get one of them every five or six years.  We might get two or three a year, and then the odds of getting good ones will increase.  Maybe we’ll finally get some Foundation movies, or maybe Ringworld, or whatever.  Maybe Disney will do what George Lucas refused to do for so long, and make good Star Wars movies (By the way Disney, I don’t give a toss about Luke and Leah, or any of the rest of the original cast.  You can just tell a new story using the setting we all know and love.).  So, sad as it makes me to say it, I just want this year’s offering of science fiction films to be financially successful, more than good movies.  That make me feel dirty, but there it is.  As far as my most anticipated movie of the year goes…It’s probably Wrong…Or maybe Oblivion.  No, it’s almost certainly Wrong.  And I don’t know if that even has distribution or plays anywhere.

Top 20 Films (At least I was finally able to list 20 good ones, and even had to make a few choices.  Though two thirds of the movies I even kinda liked are on this list, and that’s not a good fraction)

20. Lawless
19. The Raid: Redemption
18. Killing Them Softly
17. The Hunter
16. Beyond the Black Rainbow
15. FDR: American Badass
14. Lincoln
13. The Avengers
12. The Dark Knight Rises
11. The Hobbit
10. Coriolanus
9.  Dredd
8.  Looper
7.  The Grey
6.  Skyfall
5.  Cloud Atlas
4.  Django Unchained
3.  Expendables 2
2.  Robot & Frank
1.  Moonrise Kingdom


-Matt

The 2012 Dorkies - The Best & Worst of Cinema (Brad's Picks)

I saw 94 new films released in 2012.  That's the lowest number of films I've devoured in a single year since the early 2000s.  My heart just wasn't in it this year.  Why is that?  Well, for the first half of the year (with a few exceptional exceptions) I suffered one horrendous disappointment after the other.  In a dork temper tantrum I let some movies slip by my radar.  In year's past I would have been rushing out to see The Master on 70 mm.  I would have kicked down doors for John Hawkes' quadriplegic indie smash, The Sessions.  I would've driven miles to hear the rockin accordion music of Holy Motors.  But having my heart broken by John Carter, Prometheus, Brave, etc kinda took the wind out of my sails.  Thankfully, as the year came to a close and I started choking down as many movies as I could, I found a great many films that I absolutely adored and I'm quite pleased with my Top Ten list.  It should be noted though that I'm not all that confident in the order of films past slot number 5.  These lists are always arbitrary, but this year it feels even more so.

But before we jump into this year's awards I want to take a quick look back at 2011.  As is often the case, opinions change over time.  I'm still madly and completely in love with Martin Scorsese's Hugo & Joe Cornish's Attack The Block, but as 2011 blended into 2012 there was one film I watched over and over again, and with each subsequent viewing, loved it more and more.  So the first Dorkie of 2012 must go to...

The "Hey Girl" Revised Best Film of 2011 Award - Drive:  I watched Nicholas Winding Refn's violent crime drama several times in 2012 (and the day I bought the blu I watched it back to back with itself).  It's slick, cool, and painful.  There's barely a narrative, and it does play a little like style over substance, but Ryan Gosling keeps it from devolving into boring drivel.  He's got the puppy dog eyes for Carey Mulligan & family, and when their sweet daydream is threatened those eyes go rabid, the fists clench, and a whole bunch of scum gets pulverized.  Albert Brooks is the twinkling, knife plunging psychopath at the top of the beanstalk, and his Chinese food conversation with Gosling's Driver ranks right up there with my all time favorite suspense conversations.  I mean no disrespect to Hugo or Attack The Block, but if I'm gonna be honest, Drive turned out to be my favorite film of last year.  So keep that in mind when nitpicking the below...

TOP TEN FILMS OF 2012

10.  Killing Them Softly - A lot has been made about the politics of this film.  And it does hit the economic crisis nail on the head incessantly and, yeah, pretentiously.  But I don't care about that.  This film is just so perfectly ugly.  Scoot McNairy and Ben Mendelsohn are the dimmest bulbs of gross criminal stupidity I've ever encountered at the movies.  Break out the Darwin awards, we've got a couple of real winners.  And the resulting horror that's bestowed upon poor goombah Ray Liotta, I don't think I've seen a beatdown as brutal as the one bestowed upon that whiney schmuck.  Brad Pitt does his uber cool routine and that's always fun.  James Gandolfini is also wonderful as the sadsack hitman drunk of booze and hookers.  But for me Killing Them Softly is perfectly summed up in that three second shot of Ben Mendelsohn trying to contain a car full of shit exploding canines.  So gross.  So sad.  So much depressing fun.

9.  Moonrise Kingdom - In some ways, this is my least favorite Wes Anderson film.  However, that still qualifies it as one of 2012's very best.  Anderson has perfected the beauty of his camera.  No one can shoot an absolutely artificial set as lovingly as this man, and no one can pepper those dioramas with adorably fictitious approximations of truthful characters.  Everything feels crafted, but magically, Anderson mines real emotions from his creations.  The love story between Sam & Suzy is more heartfelt than any dozen Hollywood romcom pairings, and their runaway adventure feels just as perilous as the most ridiculous Romancing The Stones.

8.  Dredd - I know what you're thinking.  "Brad, how can you possibly put Dredd on your Top Ten and exclude The Raid: Redemption?"  Well, the simple fact is that this is Judge Dredd.  I repeat, this IS Judge Dredd.  Not one trace of "I Knew You'd Do That" Stallonery.  Ok, ok.  So maybe this Dredd is not as fascist or as horrible a human being as he should be, but Karl Urban perfectly captures the voice, the frown, and the attitude of Mega City One's greatest lawgiver - it's a performance as perfect as his DeForest Kelley possession.  And the film relishes in the brutality of action cinema; bullets tear through bodies and walls while the collateral damage gets chucked from the balcony.  This is the nostalgic Hard R Action Film I keep hoping from The Expendables.

7.  Lincoln - There is no other film on my Top Ten that I'm more surprised to see than Steven Spielberg's latest bit of hero worship.  But this is not the sweeping, cram-it-all-in biopic I was expecting.  Instead, this is an epic political exploration of Lincoln's life during the month of January 1865; the screenplay's focus allows for a mythologizing (and humanizing) of Abraham Lincoln we've never before experienced on film.  I don't think I really understand the man behind the president anymore than I did before, but there's definitely a curiosity there now that didn't exist before.  Daniel Day-Lewis does indeed deliver another transformative performance, and it manages to scrape nobility, paternity, and adorability (seriously, how cute is his storytelling).  Plus, you've got this amazing entourage of character actors parading throughout the film.  David Strathairn, James Spader, Tim Blake Nelson, John Hawkes, Hal Holbrook, Jackie Earl Haley, Bruce McGill, Jared Harris, Michael Stuhlbarg, Walton Goggins - most of them decked out in the most amazing facial hair!  And then there's Tommy Lee Jones, kicking ass yet again as the film's heart and soul.  I am so happy (and surprised) to announce Lincoln as one of Steven Spielberg's finest efforts.

6.  Skyfall - Since Daniel Craig has taken over the mantel each James Bond film has found its way onto my Top Ten (yes, even Quantum of Solace).  I'm not exactly sure when it happened (it certainly wasn't in childhood), but 007 has become one of my Must Have franchises and Skyfall ranks right up there with From Russia With Love and Goldfinger.  Director Sam Mendes and Cinematographer Roger Deakins have delivered the most beautifully shot film of the series (those Scottish Moor frames like the one above belong on my wall), and Daniel Craig gives his strongest and most complex turn yet.  Also Javier Bardem is Craig's first true Bond villain, chewing up the scenery as the sexually torturous, snaggletoothed Silva.  Several folks out there in Internetland have drawn comparisons to Heath Ledger's Joker and I do see a lot of the Clown Prince in Bardem's beastie...but it's more of the Caesar Romero variety.  He's just having so much fun being bad.  And I have just as much fun watching him smile and sneer his way through bloodshed.  And as much as I love the globetrotting adventure, I was thrilled to finally get a flick in which Bond had to fight for the Queen while actually on her soil.

5.  Looper - I had to dwell on this one for a while.  And I needed at least two viewings of the film before I settled on its quality.  It just wasn't what the trailers had promised, and I really wanted a kick ass time travel story from the director of the genre obsessed Brick.  Looper delivers on the time travel stuff, but it skirts the pesky minutia to the fringes of the screenplay and instead focuses on a very human horror story less in common with The Terminator and more akin to the emotions found in the very best Twilight Zone episodes.  Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Bruce Willis are phenomenal as young & old Joe, and their bitter, snarky conversation at the center of the film is filled with as much self-depricating humor as it is tension.  This is excellent sci-fi, but it's even better actory melodrama.

4.  The Dark Knight Rises - This also gets my vote for the most unfairly maligned movie of the year.  Is it as good as Batman Begins?  No.  Is it as good as The Dark Knight?  No.  Do I wish they handled a few points differently?  Hell yes.  But dammit, Christopher Nolan's Caped Crusader Trilogy is one of the greatest gifts ever given to comic book fanboys and The Dark Knight Rises is still an excellent conclusion to a super hero saga.  I love Tom Hardy's Bane.  Something I cannot say about his comic book counterpart.  I love the voice.  I love the swagger.  I love the Break The Bat sewer fight.  The first film was Bruce Wayne's coming-of-age, the second film was the cost of his creation, and the third film is his legacy bestowed on Gotham.  And the film is so damn big!  How can you not appreciate the scope of that third act.  Hundreds of extras clashing in the streets of Gotham; Batman & Bane punching it out on the courthouse steps, and a "Somedays You Just Can't Get Rid Of A Bomb" countdown to doom.  This is David Lean level spandex, and we're going to be obsessing over these three films for the rest of our lives.

3.  The Grey - The first film of 2012 to rock me to my core, and for the longest time I thought it was going to forever sit handsomely on the top of the heap.  Liam Neeson gives his greatest performance as the suicidal wolf puncher forced to fight for life in a winter wastelands after his company plane disintegrates over Alaska.  Part To Build A Fire, part Quint's Indianapolis speech from Jaws.  All man. But it's not all grizzly wolf attacks and campfire bravado.  Buried in its heart is the year's most painful love story, and a heroic one-man battle against despair.

2.  The Avengers - The most rousing theatrical experience I had all year.  As a long time comic book geek, Joss Whedon's Avengers was a straight up revelation.  We've had a lot of super hero flicks in the last couple of decades, but none has so perfectly captured the medium as well as this Damn Yankees Marvel mashup.  And I really didn't think there was a hope in hell of that happening.  Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Thor, and Captain America.  They're a bunch a fun flicks.  But they're nothing great.  The Avengers is Great.  It juggles a large ensemble of icons, gives each of them they're moment, and even redefines a few of them better than anywhere else in pop culture - Bruce Banner's "I'm Always Angry" is a declaration we've been waiting eons to hear from the four colored variety.   The real question is where do we go from here.  Can an Iron Man 3 or Guardians of the Galaxy possibly realize the promise given with the credits' tag?  I have hope.  They've already proved the impossible, just do it again Marvel.

1.  Django Unchained - Quentin Tarantino pulled it off.  He's been dancing around the Western his entire career, and now that he's finally submerged himself fully into the genre he's manufactured one of its greatest products.  The film acts as a revenge fantasy for its audience while the screenplay focuses on a hero's quest worthy of Joseph Campbell's analytics.  Similar to Inglourious Basterds, Tarantino gives us the opportunity to face humanity's worst atrocities through the filter of blood drenched cinema and delivers a smiley faced triumph more successful in addressing our historical shame than 25 Amistads or 50 Glorys.  That very idea might disgust some viewers out there, but sometimes the best way to understand history is to couch hard lessons in popular entertainment.  But enough of that preachy soapbox mumbo jumbo. Django Unchained really does work as a straight up Western adventure - it ain't High Noon, but it's a great companion for the nightmare worlds of the Spaghetti Western.


HONORABLE MENTIONS (in alphabetical order):  Argo, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Cabin in the Woods, Haywire, The Hunter, Kill List, Lawless, Paranorman, Seven Psychopaths, 21 Jump Street)
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Best Director - Quentin Tarantino (Django Unchained):  Earlier this year when I was sitting in Hall H at the San Diego Comic Con listening to QT yammer on about his latest opus, I remember having serious doubts as to whether or not he was going to be able to pull off this goofy looking Southern.  The footage shown there was a mash of comedy and violence, something not unfamiliar to the Tarantino fan, but I couldn't connect-the-dots between the Blazing Saddles buffoonery of those pseudo-Klansman bickering over eyesight and the explosive bags of blood bursting from Django's victims.   And how about all those big ego actors he'd be dealing with: the scenery butchering Leonardo DiCaprio, the too cool for school Jaime Foxx, the gargantuan gesticulating of Christophe Waltz, and the mean ass staredowns of Samuel L Jackson.  Could all these guys possibly gel together in a love letter to Sergio Corbucci?  But everything fits.  The good, the bad, the weird, the ugly, the seriously  f'd up.  Sure, you're gonna wince but only in the places the man wants you to wince.  Part of me thinks it's still too early to make this declaration, but after a couple viewings of Django, I think it might be his greatest achievement.

Best Leading Male Performance - Liam Neeson (The Grey):  If you've read more than three or four posts from this blog than you know we here at ITMOD are crazy for Neeson.  And in particular we are crazy for old man killing machine Neeson.  Films like Taken, The A Team, Unknown, Taken 2 = Grizzled Gospel.  And I was as pumped as the next movie maniac to see Lee Marvin Neeson bottle punch the hell outta a pack of shark wolves.  But that's not what we got.  Instead we get heaps of introspective narration, furrowed brows, and an epic internal battle for survival equal to the external struggle.  And Neeson owns the heartbreak as well as the ferocity.

Best Leading Female Performance - Quvenzhane Wallis (Beasts of the Southern Wild):  Was it me, or was 2012 an absolutely horrible year for female roles?  Maybe I'm just not watching the right movies, but as far as I could tell there was only one option for this category and it was six year old Quvenzhane Wallis.  Narrowly missing my Top Ten films of 2012, Beasts of the Southern Wild centers on the ferocious performance of its young lead; a child enraptured by the wonders and terrors of her environment.  And only at the age of six could an actor give such an honest portrayal of excitement, fear, sadness, and joy.  When she shows her father that she's capable of "Beasting It," it feels like a genuine accomplishment.  Beasts of the Southern Wild is a mesmerizing fantasy - Mad Max's Where The Wild Things Are.

Best Supporting Male Performance - Leonardo DiCaprio (Django Unchained):  Was there an uglier character portrayed on film this year?  Hmmmm...well, Sam Jackson's Stephen might be the only other contender.  Although part of the appeal of Leo's plantation monster is that we've never seen anything as loathsome from the Titanic star before.  He's been stretching his muscles of late with his Scorsese marathoning and the broken hearted Cobb, but Calvin Candie really is a horse of a different color.  And that color is "Let's Beat The Living Crap Outta Him Before He Gets Us."  But Leo gives the beast a few glimpses of weakness - there's that sad-child fireside conversation with Stephen and his creepy pecking kisses with his sister; DiCaprio never lets the veil of Master slip for long, but when he does its bitterly telling and its those lapses that only strengthen Candie's threat of violence.  So maybe it's time to stop referring to him as the "Titanic star."

Best Supporting Female Performance - Charlize Theron (Snow White and the Huntsman):  Ok.  So I can't really say I loved this film, or even liked it...but I did enjoy the crazybrains hell outta Charlize Theron's ridiculously affected mad bitch queen.  From her bonkers villain voice to her wailing screams of contemptuous hatred for Kirsten Stewart...um, I mean Snow White.  Of course, Theron's placement here definitely benefits from the crappy year for lady parts, but I also really did appreciate the joy that Theron is obviously having at playing such a cartoon.  Too bad the rest of the cast wasn't in on the joke.

Best Poster - The Dark Knight Rises:  Midnight release IMAX posters were all the rage this year.  John Carter, The Amazing Spider-Man, Skyfall.  IMAX pulled out all the stops for these little one sheets, but my absolute favorite was Tom Hardy's big ugly mug print.  And as an added bonus, we get a little Batman cowl Olly Mossed into Bane's brow.  Creepy, moody, and celestially gigantic.

Best Mimic - Josh Brolin (Men In Black III):  By the time of its release I don't think anyone really cared about another Men In Black sequel.  I most certainly did not.  And as a film it was serviceable.  Popcorn.  Chow it down, forget it.  But what I haven't been able to dismiss this year was yet another badass Josh Brolin performance.  Similar to what Karl Urban did in 2009's Star Trek, Brolin nearly possessed the spirit of his subject - Tommy Lee Jones.  He's so dang good in the movie that when Jones is absent for nearly the entirety of the flick you barely even notice cuz he's talking right outta Brolin's mouth.  Truly remarkable.

Best Bilbo - W.N. Bilbo (James Spader):  Sorry Martin Freeman.  You're a perfectly fine Hobbit, but you're trapped in a been-there-done-that franchise lacking the shine (as well as the grandeur) of the original Rings trilogy.  And frankly, James Spader is just too damn charming as the swarthy political hitman hamming his way to the right votes.  He's probably the most cartoonish character in Spielberg's oscar bait but he brings some much needed levity to Congress' high stakes poker game.

Quote of the Year - "Fuck You Science!" (21 Jump Street):  Here was another shock of 2012.  That god awful looking 21 Jump Street remake was actually pretty damn funny.  Channing Tatum & Jonah Hill are a couple of nimrod buddy cops atempting to navigate the bizzaro world of modern day high schoolers - not just jocks, nerds, and goths anymore.  And I found myself shocked at how much I related to their plight, this ain't Kansas anymore Toto.  But where 21 Jump Street won me was during Tatum's drug freakout, and his all out assault on the chemistry whiteboard.  And this beautiful quote led to the next Dorkie...

The "Hey, I Don't Hate Your Guts Anymore!" Award - Channing Tatum:  2009.  GI Joe Rise of Cobra.  One of my most hated summer blockbuster atrocities ever.  That hate quickly bled over to its loathsome meathead lead.  And for a couple of years I kept precious guard on that hate.  But a funny thing started to happen in January of this year.  First, I really enjoyed Steven Soderbergh's jazzy actioner Haywire, and Channing Tatum had a solid, if small role in that film.  Then Matt & I did that gutbusting double feature of Casa Di Me Padre & 21 Jump Street.  Twenty minutes into the second film and I was rollicking with laughter, most of it caused by People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive.  And then the next thing I know I'm streaming Tatum's personal stripper odyssey, Magic Mike...AND really enjoying the heck outta the Frankenstein monster parallels.  So, like Tom Cruise and Nicolas Cage before him, Channing Tatum moves into that weird category of actor I once hated but now adore.  Can't wait for GI Joe 2.

DVD/Blu Ray Release of the Year - Johnny Guitar:  Yep, yep, yep.  There were a lot of brilliant home releases scrabbling for your dollars this year.  Criterion unleashed the glory of Godzilla.  Universal spent top dollar on its astounding JAWS transfer.  Shout Factory unveiled Scream Factory and gifted the world with the miracle that is the Halloween III Special Edition.  But the discovery that impressed me the most was this gorgeous Western melodrama released late this summer from Olive Films.  Despite some serious prodding from fellow film geeks over the years, I had never before seen this brooding gem.  Joan Crawford stars as a saloon owner who refuses to be bullied outta town by the local land baron royalty.  In walks Sterling Hayden's guitar strumming stranger to champion her stubborn cause.  But this is Joan's movie.  And she's burning rage.  One of the most unique entries in the genre.

THE BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENTS OF THE YEAR!

5.  Brave - This is not a bad movie.  It's a good movie.  It's just not the great movie I was hoping, - expecting from Pixar.  Brave had one of the most stirring trailers of 2011 and it promised a rising adventure involving a rebellious lass and a quest to slay a tyrannical monster bear.   In actuality, it's less about a girl discovering womanhood through manly man-man swordplay and more about a daughter learning to understand her mother's worries and vice versa.  Meh.  Not bad.  But I wanted the kickass myth maker.

4.  The Amazing Spider-Man - What a bunch of drivel.  I kinda liked it in the theater, but watching it on the small screen, I pretty much hated this needless reboot.  Andrew Garfield coulda been a decent Spidey, he definitely plays the jackass wisecracker under the hood pretty well.  And Emma Stone is a decent enough Gwen Stacey to idolize.  But despite the appearance of chemistry, there is none.  It's just awkward stumbles with the occasional "ums" and "ahs."  No real dialog is ever exchanged between them.  The film promises an untold story, but despite hints of Parker family tragedy it's all tease and no payoff.  Just more CGI jumpy hoppy effects and a whole lotta snore set pieces.  And for those trying to tell me this is better or grittier than the Sam Raimi stuff, I remind you of those ridiculous New Yorker Construction Cranes and the absolute goofballness of C Thomas Howell.

3.  The FP - I had high hopes for this Alamo Drafthouse release.  I was completely giddy over the idea that a post-apocalyptic society would fight its gang wars using Dance Dance Revolution cage matches. The trailer had that whole "So Bad It's Good" thing going for it.  Well, it turns out it was just bad.  And not even that bad.  Just kinda crappy forgettable.  Oh well.

2.  Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance - Ah, if you were reading this blog earlier in the year than you found two Dorks obsessed with the idea of the Crank brothers directing Nicolas Cage's Johnny Blaze.  I mean, just think of the levels of insanity you could have gotten from the guys who imagined Chev Chelios' gangland massacre marathon?  Instead, we get a fairly predictable entry in super (anti-)hero cinema.  There are flairs of whacko creativity and some amazing rollerblade camera work, but there's none of that zealous Crank antagonism.  It's just bland.

1.  Prometheus - No other film in 2012 crushed my spirits quite like Ridley Scott's Alien prequel.  While attending my first San Diego Comic Con in 2011, I went Beatles fangirl squeel crazy at the footage they unraveled in Hall H.  It was beautiful, enticing, and seemingly totally in the spirit of the 1979 original.  Sitting in the theater, finally witnessing the atrocity on the big screen, I finally realized the illusion of Hall H.  Everything shown there looks amazing.  But it's a magic show, just like regular run-of-the-mill trailers can be.  In actuality, Prometheus is an absolutely gorgeous science-fiction spectacle with an equally, unbelievably dumb script.  The characters are shallow.  The ideas seemingly epic, but actually teeny tiny.  It's all questions, questions, questions and no answers, just a shoulder shrug.

THE WORST FILMS OF THE YEAR!

5.  Underworld: Awakening - The first film I saw in 2012 turned out to be one of the dullest.  The fourth entry in the Underworld franchise (I cannot believe there are four of these things, people like me really need to stop showing up for this garbage) is also its most forgettable.  And that's saying a lot considering I only remember three or four minutes from the third film's prequel.

4.  The Hunger Games - So let me get this straight?  The most beautiful girl in all of the post-apocalypse is loved by all the boys, and worshiped by all the population cuz she's also the greatest warrior in all of reality television.  She gets dropped onto murder world and kicks ass almost immediately after a little narrative stalling.  Snooze.  I'm not gonna drone on about Battle Royale, The Running Man, or Lord of the Flies.  That argument is moot because this is too blah to matter.

3.  Battleship - If they had shaved off an hour from this bloated blockfizzler than maybe, just maybe, Battleship might have been one of those So Bad It's Good flicks.  As is, all the "Chicken Burrito Her" dialog in the world couldn't save this abysmal dreck from the bottom of the ocean. With this, John Carter, and Savages (and let's not forget X-Men Origins - Wolverine!) Taylor Kitsch has proven himself to be a cure for quality - add only when you want the stench of failure.

2.  The Raven - Sooooooooooooo Boooooooooooring.  I love the idea of Edgar Allen Poe galavanting about Baltimore solving crimes inspired by his works of horror, but this high concept is dead upon arrival.  John Cusack screams his way through his performance, while director James McTeigue struggles with the tired plot's murderous pacing.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you want a deliciously meta take on Mister Poe than you really have to track down Stuart Gordon's Masters of Horror episode, The Black Cat.

1.  Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 - Now I know I deserve the punishment of watching this film because I've paid for every theatrical Twilight experience since the beginning.  So whatever vitriol I spew towards it or towards the society that accepts them as actual entertainment needs to be taken with as much respect as you would offer a peanut butter spackling crazy person.  I hated this movie.  I hated it more than the last film, and more than the third film, but not as much as the second or the first.  Sigh.  That last sentence makes my brain hurt.  There is a lot of talent behind this latest abomination (from its screenwriter to its director to its cinematographer and composer), but you sure wouldn't know it cuz Breaking Dawn Part 2 feels like the accomplishment of third rate nincompoop.  Of course what could possibly have been produced from Stephanie Meyers books?  You can shine a piece of shit all day long, but when the sun sets its still a piece of shit.  The real worry behind these films is how damn popular they are; they make me fear the future.  Of course, that might be a touch melodramatic.

THE ACTOR OF THE YEAR!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt:  Another year, another child actor done good.  His role of the year was easily that of the young Bruce Willis in Looper, but he also excelled in the 80s handicapped, brakes-are-death radical adventure of Premium Rush as well the hero worship sidekick of The Dark Knight Rises, and as little boy Lincoln.  His career has been building and building these last few years, but it feels like Looper is the first real grip on mega celebrity stardom.  2013 marks his directorial debut with Don Jon's Addiction, and I'm greatly looking forward to this next phase of his career.

The Most Anticipated Film of 2013 - Pacific Rim:  After stops and starts on The Hobbit and At The Mountains of Madness, Guillermo Del Toro is finally stepping behind the camera.  It's been a long five year absence, and his last film, Hellboy 2, was a movie that troubled me greatly.  But GDT has made some of my all time favorite films - The Devil's Backbone, Cronos, Pan's Labryinth, and Blade 2 - the idea of him tackling an honest-to-goodness kaiju vs giant robots flick?  That is miraculously geeky to me.  And it's possible for this not to suck - for it not to be Robot Jox cuz we live in a world where The Avengers kicked ass.  So despite a year that's going to produce Star Trek Into Darkness, Iron Man 3, Man of Steel, Elysium, Ender's Game, Only God Forgives, The World's End, and The Smurfs 2, Pacific Rim is the film I'm craving to see the most.  Fingers crossed, and I'll see you at the movie house.

--Brad