Showing posts with label Twilight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Twilight. Show all posts

Friday, November 30, 2012

Brad's Week in Dork! (11/11/12-11/17/12)


Finished off last week high on James Bond and was ready to dive right back into the world of 007.  Just three films into the Craig era and I'm jonesing for more shaken, not stirred adventures.  I don't think I'm quite ready to take on all 50 years yet, but that's probably going to happen with the Skyfall blu ray release.  Still, after debating the quality of this latest Bond with my fellow co-dork and others, I really wanted to watch all three Craig flicks back-to-back.  Was I right, is Skyfall the best?  More on that later.


This week was also a pretty fantastic week for single issue comics.  Marvel Now is really heating up, and I'm genuinely shocked to discover my enjoyment of this soft-relaunch much more than DC's New 52.  Again, Matt might differ on this matter, but we all know he's usually wrong about everything.  However, this big issue this week was definitely Scott Snyder's Batman.  His Leatherface Joker is freaking me out, and it's proof positive that Greg Capullo was the perfect artist for Snyder's Bat-Horror book.


The Amazing Spider-Man:  This is not my Spidey.  But neither was the Sam Raimi trilogy.  There are moments that skim the essence of my Spider-Man, like when Andrew Garfield (in costume) is mocking the pathetic attempts of a car thief, but for the most part this feels like some guy's idea of what Spider-Man is rather than a genuine adaptation.  And that's a real bummer.  I like Emma Stone as Gwen Stacey, but her relationship with Peter is just awkward mumblings and that doesn't achieve squishy feeling of teenage romance; it's just passable WB melodrama.  And this whole "Untold Story" origin is a complete fake-out.  There are hints at a tragedy behind the death of the Parkers, but The Amazing Spider-Man refuses to pull away from the simple spider bite origin.  This reboot is just a retread.


Casino Royale:  Wow.  After plodding through Marc Webb's pedantic Spider-Man redux, Casino Royale really does feel like the genuine resurrection of what had become a rather tired and boring franchise.  But that's always been the beauty of the James Bond films.  Just when you're done with Roger Moore's outer space light show you get Timothy Dalton's D.A.R.E Avenger, and just when you're fed up of invisible cars and ice castles, you get the Post 9/11 terrorist smasher Daniel Craig.  Director Martin Campbell gives the fanboy all the traits you come to expect from the series but filtered through a wiz bang contemporary lens.  Casino Royale gives you plenty of action sequences to fetishize (the opening parkour chase through Madagascar is a series highlight) as well as giving Bond an emotional center not explored since the ill-fated On Her Majesty's Secret Service.  Discover here just why Bond ploughs his way through numerous sexual conquest - he's not just a slut, he's a shattered romantic!


Quantum of Solace:  People seem to love to hate Quantum of Solace, but I'll defend this choppy, brisk actioner till I'm blue in the face.  Yes.  It's not Casino Royale Part II.  But that's just fine.  Quantum is James Bond's revengefest.  It's what I wanted out of Diamonds Are Forever, the film following the execution of Mrs. Bond by that dastardly arch-nemesis Blofeld.  Sure, Marc Foster's camera apes far too much from Paul Greengrass's Bourne films but the chaotic action plays much better on the small screen and they're are moments of Bond rage here that really knocked this fan on his butt.  Daniel Craig bleeding out a goon on the balconies of Haiti - that's some painfully sad and angry violence.  Bond is a beast in Quantum.  Not just the rougeish brute, but a full on monster of revenge.  The film is not interested in complex, backtracking narrative.  Yes, we get a taste of an omnipotent soceity of villians but the film knows better (or at least doesn't have time) to dwell on the goofy puppet masters.  This is blood boiling A to B action and it benefits from the short run time.


Skyfall:  So, yep.  This one's still my favorite of the Craig flicks.  I love the previous two entries, but Skyfall hits all the right nerves.  You've gotten a battered and broken James Bond, stepping out of a stupor of drink & sex to help Judi Dench's magnificent M battle the sins of her past i.e. Javier Bardem's blonde joker...yeah, I acknowledge some striking similarities (both characteristically and structurally) to Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight but I don't let that detract from another wonderfully broken villain performance.  I mean, Silva, Anton Chigurh, Felix.  No one is doing creepy scary quite like this man.  And the Sam Mendes/Roger Deakins combo, there has never been a prettier Bond film.


All-New X-Men #1:  After pretty much abandoning his long standing run on the The Avengers (and The New Avengers, The Mighty Avengers, The Dark Avengers, The Secret Avengers, and Avengers Assemble) comic writer superstar Brian Michael Bendis turns his free flowing pen on Marvel's X-Men. Will this be another case of a strong start/weak finish (granted, we've still got Bendis' Avengers Ultron War wrap-up waiting for us in 2013, see your loose ends tied up there).  But I'm not going to start crapping on this book one issue in - what am I?  The Internet!?!  I seriously dig the high concept of the original X-Team traveling to the modern day to witness the horrors of their future.  All New X-Men promises a lot of mutant melodrama, especially for this once die hard X-Factor fan.  Teen Jean Grey & Cyclops throwing down with fur ball Wolverine?  Yeah, this could be a whole lotta fun.


X-Men Legacy #1:  Um, I don't know what the hell was going on in this book.  It has something to do with Charles Xavier's crazy ass son Legion, and the mental prison he's got in his brain going kablooey. Frankly, I found Simon Spurrier's dialog nearly impossible to decipher and I'm not sure if that's due to bad writing or simply a result of my utter ignorance of this character.  Either way, I will not be picking up the second issue.  The first true strike out of the Marvel Now line.


Fantastic Four #1:  This, on the other hand, could be quite fun.  I'm not going to pretend that I know much about the Fantastic Four.  I've only occasionally read the book; usually when a writer or artist I enjoy jumps on board.  In this case, I dig both.  Matt Fraction has delivered plenty of good reads in the Marvel Universe (see the current Hawkeye, and the now defunct Immortal Iron Fist) and it looks like he's got some cosmic fun in store for the super hero family.  Which is nice cuz I've always thought of the FF as a space team but it rarely seems like they spend their times amongst the stars (or dimensions). And Mark Bagley's art seems to suit the good cheer of this book.  Lots of smiley faces to go with the heroics.


Thor - God of Thunder #1:  Hmmmm, writer Jason Aaron seems like he's got a big show in store for Thor fans.  Jumping from past, present, and future Thors, the mighty son of Odin takes on the God Killer.  Don't know what that is yet, but it sure seems like an epic adversary.  Like Fantastic Four, I'm not too familar with this character but I appreciate the grande narrative being unraveled.  Hopefully he can bring it to a satisfying conclusion.  And artist Eric Ribic pulls off some real Frank Frazetta-like paintings for each an every panel.  Truly impressive art.


Batman #14:  Batman #14:  The Death of the Family story drips with blood and dread as the Joker targets the friends of Batman.  No one is safe, not even poor hammer faced Alfred.  I'm definitely not as intrigued by the story as I was The Court of Owls, but I appreciate Scott Snyder & Greg Capullo's firm grasp on the horror genre for this incarnation of the Caped Crusader.  This is just the beginning, and I'm looking forward to the depths the leatherfaced Joker is going to plunge poor Bruce Wayne...not to mention his bevy of sidekicks.


Archer & Armstrong #4:  This has quickly become my favorite book coming out of the Valiant relaunch (huh, that's a popular word this week).  Which is funny, cuz I never had any interest in the original book.  It's goofy as all hell, but just as fun as Archer & Armstrong go toe-to-toe with Hitler Monks & evil cultists.  It's certainly not for everyone, and I could see serious stick-up-the-tuchus types finding plenty to rile their nerve.  But man, if you find tiny mustaches on your Holy Warriors than you'll be rolling with laughter as all the right bad guys get punched.


Bloodshot #5:  After a couple of really fun issues, Bloodshot 5 dips a little in the enthusiasm area.  Maybe its cuz the last issue ended with Bloodshot all Commando'd up, machine guns ready to blaze but suddenly we're dipping back to the past for some exposition.  He eventually hits Project Rising Spirit with a little help from his nanite buddies but I was hoping this issue would rocket from the start.  Still, this is much, much better than I was originally anticipating from this series and I'm even ranking this above X-O Manowar at this point.


The Creep #3:  Still waiting for the shit to hit the fan.  Four issues in (don't forget #0) to this five issue mini series and we don't really have any big revelations into what the hell is going on with these suicide kids.  Ox is a fascinating character but I need this narrative to build a little quicker, and I'm afraid this book is going to rush its conclusion for its final issue.


Saga #7:  I don't know.  Maybe I've been infected by Matt's review, or maybe it's just been too damn long since the last issue, but I was just not feeling this issue.  Marko & Alana encounter his magical parents and no one is too happy with the introductions.  I'm enjoying this sci-fi Romeo & Juliette but right now I'm less interested in the parents point-of-view and more interested in Prince Robot's hunt for the young lovers, and The Will's quest for revenge.  Plus, I could never see a giant alien scrotum again and it would be too soon.


Where Is Jake Ellis? #1:  I enjoyed the original mini-series but I wasn't in love with it.  And this is a promising start to this weirdo sci-fi spy comic.  We now have a better idea of who & what Jake Ellis is, but we still don't know how he got into the miserable shape he's currently occupying.  Like all #1s, we get a lot more questions with very little answers.  Holding judgement if I'm one of the converted or not, but I'll keep on chugging with this latest series.


Steel Dawn:  Who doesn't love Road House?  Or Point Break?  Or even Red Dawn?  But this is none of those.  A cheesy, post-apocalyptic cheapie that has more in common with Roger Corman knock-offs than those other Swayze'd 80s gems.  You've got some good side characters in Anthony Zerbe, Brion James, and Arnold Vosloo but they're not enough help brand this a Swayze classic.  I mean, you at least need a good Sam Elliot to mentor his way through the ass kickery.  Sharp objects and bath tubs do not a good time make.


The Campaign:  I have a weakness for Will Ferrell.  It's mostly a result of The Other Guys and this year's Casa Di Me Padre.  So now I rent films I probably shouldn't.  Like The Campaign.  Ferrell is funny enough as the sexually demented politician duking it out with Zach Galifianakis' repressed, mentally handicapped doof.  There are a couple jokes that land.  A baby gets punched.  But it's nowhere near as quotable as the two Ferrell flicks mentioned previously and it certainly won't capture the pop culture zeitgeist like the ultra bizarro Anchorman.  A time killer.  That's as good as it gets.


Fire With Fire:  So I redboxed this.  Bruce Willis.  Rosario Dawson.  Josh Duhamel.  50 Cent.  Why not?  Oh, because it's totally boring and mentally draining?  Right.  Willis has entered that "I'll Do Anything For A Sandwich" phase of his career, so I understand his presence here.  And Josh Duhamel has been given the chance to star alongside better actors, so good for him.  But Rosario Dawson?  You're better than this.  Someone out there in Hollywoodland need to put you front and center in a quality flick, not just firefighter actioners and unstoppable train movies.


Invincible Ultimate Collection Volume 1:  Friday night was our seventh meeting of The Ultimate Justice League of Extraordinary Book Club, and I pretty much forced Invincible into the circle of trust. Once upon a time, this was my favorite super hero comic.  I read the first 38 issues, fell behind and never picked it back up.  Not really sure why I fell off the Kirkman train, but I'm sooooooo glad I'm back on board.  What starts off as a fun, teenage melodrama substitute for Brian Michael Bendis' Ultimate Spider-Man quickly transforms into a cosmic familial nightmare reminiscent of those classically epic Greek Tragedies.  Mark Grayson is the son of Omni-Man, think the Image Universe equivalent of Superman.  One day while slinging burgers, he discovers that his father's extraordinary gifts have finally descended upon him.  With a smile and a great slap on his back, Omni-Man accepts Mark into the family business of Earth's protection.


The first half of this volume is mostly whacky super hero hijinx.  Mark Grayson's Invincible takes on inter dimensional warriors, bionic college-hating zombies, and Allen the Alien.  He meets other colorful cohorts with goofy names like Rex-Spode, Atom Eve, Robot, and Monster Girl.  But when this colorful comic sees red, the reader gets a strong reminder that this is no kids book.  Blood, blood, blood.  Invincible contains some of the most brutal punch-ups in comics, but there's some serious emotion packed behind each powerful punch.  This is Robert Kirkman, after all.  The man behind The Walking Dead.  He knows that the characters have to earn the violence, and as much as he seems to enjoy torturing his creations he never forgets to reward the reader with just as epic heartstring manipulation.  What started off as an Ultimate Spider-Man wannabe quickly surpassed the shiny, new & improved web head (and this is coming from an Ultimate Spider-Man fanboy).


Unfortunately, I don't think the group (including The Wife) fell as hard as I did for the problems of Mark Grayson.  Granted there was some confusion as to how many trade paperbacks were contained in the first deluxe hardcover (the answer is 3) and some of the group did not read the entirety of the first story arc.  And so much of Invincible's genius stems from the conclusion of that third trade - it's where you learn that Mark's after world of heroics really ain't that safe, and pretty much anyone associated with Invincible is gonna get devastated at one point or another.  So, I might not have made a lot of converts with this book, but it was definitely the kick in the butt I needed to catch up on the book.


Invincible Ultimate Collection Volume 2:  After the devastation of the last volume, Mark Grayson attempts to pick up the pieces of his home life and fight the good fight for Truth, Justice, and The American Way.  Taking up with the Guardians of the Globe, Mark & Atom Eve try to ignore their feelings for each other while smashing their way through one of the goofiest and deadliest rogue's galleries in comics.  Throughout the second volume we're treated to the birth of Mark Grayson's Lex Luthor aka Angstrom Levy.  Along the way we get battles with the Reanimen (those college-hating bionic zombies), the mob boss Machine Head, and those pesky Mauler Twins ("you're the clone!" "No, you're the clone!").  Volume 2 is not quite the punch to the gut that was the first hardcover; it's mostly setting up future threats for our heroes.  The Sequid Invasion, The interdimensional Flaxxan threat, Robot's shadowy shenanigans.  This is just a tiny brick in the saga of Invincible.  You'll never guess where all this silliness is building, but it's definitely not Happy Days.


Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2:  A helluva way to end my Week in Dork.  I'll go & enjoy any movie.  Sure.  When this whole thing started, The Wife was taking me out to the movies.  We saw Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, & Breaking Dawn 1 all on the big screen.  Somewhere between 3 & 4, she got fed up (or bored) with the series.  When I asked her if we were gonna check out the latest (and hopefully final) Twilight flick, she said she wasn't bothered.  I jokingly proclaimed, "What?  You drag me to all these flicks and now you don't want to see it through!?!?"  I told her we were going.  And what started out kind of as a joke, quickly became a reality.  Ten minutes into Breaking Dawn Part 2 I leaned over to her and said, "Yeah, this is really terrible.  We can go."  She said, "No."  Then an hour into the film she leaned over to me and said, "Ok.  This is unbearable.  We can go."  I said, "No.  We've suffered this much, we can suffer till the end."  Breaking Dawn has a lot of talented folks behind it.  I'm not going to pretend that I'm the biggest Bill Condon fan on the planet, but the man made Gods and Monsters.  That's a kickass flick.  And cinematographer Guillermo Navarro has lensed everything from Jackie Brown to The Devil's Backbone.  And composer Carter Burwell is the man who scored every single one of the Coen Brothers films.  But there is only so much one can do with a turd sandwich.  You can throw every brilliant mind in Hollywood as well as every dollar, but Breaking Dawn can only ever be a big steaming pile of...garbage.  And frankly, it's stunning to watch with a Saturday Night crowd packed to the wall with teenage girls.  Jacob whips off his shirt and the wails of pubescent ecstasy are literally painful to the ears.  I don't know exactly when America went mad.  But with the Twilight Saga raking in billions and Fifty Shades of Grey taking the bestseller top spot...yeah that's an all time low for pop culture.  And, yep, this is easily the worst film of the year.


--Brad

Monday, February 6, 2012

New Release Tuesday!!! (2/7/12)

The Sunset Limited by Alexander Wells

After finally getting Drive on blu ray last week it's really hard to muster up much excitement for this week's new releases.  In fact, February is looking a little light from here on out.  My next highly anticipated flick is Criterion's Anatomy of a Murder on the 21st with Hugo following on the 28th.  Still at least now we've got...

Must Buy DVD of the Week!


THE DEADLY SPAWN:  "The Movie Real Science Fiction Fans Have Been Waiting For!"  It has been soooooooooo long since I've seen this film.  At least 15, maybe 20 years.  That's crazy to me.  But I remember renting this from Power Video, watching that one tape over and over and over again.  Check out the trailer below and see where Steven Spielberg stole Jurassic Park's severed arm gag from.



Rent!


THE SUNSET LIMITED:  Samuel L. Jackson saves Tommy Lee Jones from certain doom and the rest of the film details their philosophical debate over Life's Purpose.  Based on the play by Cormac McCarthy (No Country For Old Men, The Road), this HBO movie marks Jones' third time behind the camera and his followup to the modern Western The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada.  If you ask me this is the most anticipated dvd of the week, but since I have yet to check it out I don't think I can recommend a Blind Buy here.





A VERY HAROLD & KUMAR 3D CHRISTMAS:  If you're already not a fan of this stoner buddy comedy series than Part 3D won't convert the uninitiated.  This is pretty much more of the same with the added Holiday Film bonus.  Seeing our favorite potheads teamup with Saint Nick and have their own claymation special is well worth the price of admission.  Plus, NPH & Wafflebot!




TWILIGHT BREAKING DAWN PART 1:  Wait, whaaaaaa?  I'm recommending a Rent instead of an Avoid?  I am.  Despite pretty much despising this entire series, Breaking Dawn Part 1 is worth the rent for it's insane Birth Sequence and Taylor Lautner Baby Love flash forward.  One must witness this insanity to fully appreciate America's mental state in 2011.  Put this puppy in the time capsule, future generations will study our sparkly vampire love for years to come.  Also, I'm still waiting for Billy Burke's Charlie Mustache spinoff movie.


ANONYMOUS:  So the guy who directed 2012 and Godzilla wants to tell me this Shakespeare Is A Fraud story?  Do I care?  Maybe a little.  It's going on the Netflix queue, but it's going so far down the list that it probably won't arrive on my doorstep for another decade...I've got too many Andy Sedaris films to watch people.


PROJECT NIM:  Here's another one I don't know too much about other than the excessive amount of praise being directed towards it, and someone told me recently that it would be the perfect companion piece to Rise of the Planet of the Apes or even Project X (the Matthew Broderick flick not that crappy party movie about to hit theaters).   This documentary chronicles the adventures of a chimpanzee taken from the wilds, placed into a brownstone, and raised like a human child.  From the director of Man on Wire, another indie doc darling I have yet to see.


--Brad

Monday, November 21, 2011

Brad's Week in Dork! (11/13-11/19)


Well, I finally went completely Ape this weekend and I had a blast with my Planet of the Apes box set.  Really, I have to thank my co-dork Matt for turning me into a complete Ape-Freak cuz before his Hest Fests I was only a  PotA fan.  I'd seen the original film and the God Awful Tim Burton remake, but I had never known the glories of Conquest until Matt came around and opened my eyes to those wonderful sequel films.  So, thank you Matt.

And yeah, you'll see that I saw the new Twilight flick this week.  I'd like to say I was dragged to the theater by my wife, but I went willingly.  Wow, it's a steaming pile but it's no worse than any of the others.  I'm still baffled by America's obsession with this series but what ya gonna do?

MOVIES OF THE WEEK!


Almost An Angel:  A ridiculous situational comedy in which Croc Dundee himself, Paul Hogan believes he's been killed and resurrected as an angel by Charlton Heston's God. Swearing off a life of crime to help teach needy children to box dirty and swindle rich folks.  Along the way he befriend's Elias Koteas' self-loathing cripple and his mousy sister Linda Kozlowski. This is some seriously lame comedy and if I didn't have fond memories of the film from childhood I'd probably crap on it, but nostalgia wins the day.


Conan O'Brien Can't Stop:  An interesting but somewhat unfullfilling documentary following Conan O'Brien's post NBC cross country tour and his desperate attempts to save his voice and not talk to the people he does not want to talk to. The man is a mad showman and I used to stay up way too late for his manic brand of comedy, but I couldn't find any real depth to this documentary...not sure if I should have been suspecting that but I was kinda hoping for it.  Still, the man can make me laugh when he wants to.


Bunraku:  Definitely an entertaining viewing experience, but I can't really sing the film's praises. A post-apocalyptic world in which guns have been outlawed and the sword has risen to violent popularity. In strolls two men with no names, cowboy Josh Hartnett and samurai Gackt. With the help of Woody Harrelson's word wise bartender they'll take down Ron Perlman's dreadlocked Woodcutter big bad and rescue damsel in not-so-much-distress Demi Moore. It's a great oddball, weirdo cast but the film feels like overrinsed Sin City. A curiosity, but nothing more.


Terri:  Overweight high school troglodyte Jacob Wysocki struggles to understand his monstrous surroundings with the aide of John C Reilly's struggling Vice Principle, scalp picker Chad Markson, and sexual outcast Olivia Crocicchia. It's all fairly typical Sundance cinema but the performances are strong. Yes, the ending feels a bit And Now The Credits Roll Cuz The Script Has Run Out, but I will always appreciate a film of this nature without a bow wrapped ending.


Blue Velvet:  "I could never eat a bug." Holy Cow, I'd forgotten how great a film Blue Velvet truly is--man oh man, David Lynch expertly pulls back the curtain on those white picket fences and reveals a world of severed ears, candy colored clowns, and oxygen huffer Frank Booth. Seriously, Dennis Hopper is absolutely terrifying as the big bad of the film and I'm pretty sure he never topped that psychotic performance. The new blu ray is stunning and even though the newly discovered deleted scenes are still just typical deleted scenes, they're certainly fun to watch.


Beneath the Planet of the Apes:  A rough sequel to the absolutely brilliant original, Beneath the Planet of the Apes stumbles around at the start with the disappearance of Heston's Taylor and the introduction of Heston Twin James Franciscus, but picks up once our new hero finally gets to the post-apocalyptic underground realm. "All Hail The Bomb!" You gotta love the climax that dares to go darker and more demented than the first film's Twilight Zone twist. And there is a great mano e mano brawl between the two leads...still, Franciscus is not Chuck. And I miss Roddy McDowell and Kim Hunter too much for all this alpha and omega business.

Escape From The Planet of the Apes:  So, The Planet of the Apes has gone up in a doomsday mushroom cloud. Where do you go from there? Well, back in time of course! Cornelius, Zira, and Dr. Milo salvage Heston's original space vessel and travel back to modern day 1970s. The first half of the film is rather snappy and light with these Future apes trying to understand primitive man and their fashion sense, but the second half takes a much darker turn and delivers a climax that might just be the darkest ending of any of the films...at least I found it to be the saddest given the loving relationship between our favorite chimps.


Lost in America:  "I have seen the future! It's a bald headed man from New York!" An amusing little film from Albert Brooks detailing a marriage on the verge of collapse after the husband fails to acquire the promotion he expected and the wife blows the nest egg at the roulette wheel. Typical Albert Brooks laughs punctuated by typically biting Albert Brooks dialog. The film fails to take it to the next level like in Defending Your Life, but the chuckles are earned even though the film eventually just rolls to a halt. I will say that it was nice seeing Revenge of the Nerds' Ogre playing another kinda ogre. Now where's my bag of Easy Rider cocaine so I can drop outta society?


Conquest of the Planet of the Apes:  "Where there is fire, there is smoke. And in that smoke, from this day forward, my people will crouch and conspire and plot and plan for the inevitable day of Man's downfall!" I am amazed at how each film in this franchise manages to climax on a darker note than the previous, but none of the films are as dark, disturbing, or as brutal as Conquest. The child of of Cornelius and Zira, Roddy McDowell is Caesar the chimp that will lead The Apes to Revolution against man. Watching this film is a lot like watching Hitler come to power. Yes, the audience can totally identify with his rage and you might even cheer as the apes burn the city to the ground, piling the bloody human corpses in the gutters. But when that climactic speech happens, it's utterly chilling. A great, angry film.


Battle for the Planet of the Apes:  Coming off the apocalyptic Conquest, Battle for the Planet of the Apes is a bit of a letdown. Roddy McDowell's Caesar is not the psychotic despot I would have liked to have seen, and his struggles to live in peace with man and his battles with the brutish gorillas is predictable Hollywood pap. Five films into the franchise, we finally get a somewhat happy ending and a whacky WHA HUH orangoutang cameo from director John Huston. Still, McDowell is so bloody fantastic in this series and their are some fine supporting performances from Paul Williams (Phantom of the Paradise!) and Austin Stoker (Assault on Precinct 13!). 


William Shatner's Gonzo Ballet:  This is definitely one of the more interesting bits of odd Shatner Cinema.  Choreographer Margo Sappington fell in love with Shatner's Ben Folds produced album, Has Been one day after listening to NPR and had the brilliant idea of matching Shat music with the Milwaukee Ballet!  Uh, okay.  But you know what?  It's awesome.  Bonkers for sure, but awesome.  This is a short documentary with plenty of Shat crazy as well as weirdo interviews with Folds and fellow spoken word madman Henry Rollins.  If you are even the slightest fan of The Shat than you must check out his Gonzo Ballet on Netflix Instant.





Breaking Dawn Part 1:  "How Bad Did I Hurt You?" asks post-coital Edward Cullen. I don't know about Bella, but I feel like I've had three trips on the train from the worst episodes of HBO's OZ. Ouch. I definitely appreciate America's ability to line up in droves to watch a vampire snack on placenta, go back for seconds, and a mopey werewolf fall in love with a baby. But despite all that absurd nonsense, very little happens in this film. A wedding. Sex. Avoidance of Sex. Sex. Pregnancy. Werewolf/Vampire scuffle. The end. Splitting the book into two films is definitely a smart cash grab.


Planet of the Apes (remake):  The Rick Baker makeup effects are still phenomenal, and really get me urning for a Rise of the Planet of the Apes that wasn't mo-cap but that's about all the good I can speak about this 2001 remake of one of Sci-Fi's cinematic classics. Mark Wahlberg is dry when he's not just plain dull, and Helena Bonham Carter's Human Lover is an annoying wreck. Tim Roth is decent, but maybe I just love his look so darn much, and the fact that he can turn his hat into a nasty impaler. The Planet of the Apes remake pretty much rang the death knell on my Tim Burton fandom.


BOOK OF THE WEEK!


Raylan by Elmore Leonard:  Woo Hoo!  I managed to score an Advanced Reader's copy of Leonard's new novel which won't be hitting retail till mid January.  With the success of FX's Justified, Elmore Leonard strikes out to capture the swagger of star Timothy Olyphant in the character he originally created for the novels Pronto and Riding the Rap. And he succeeds. The strange thing about the novel though is that it reads like three episodes of the show rather than one long plot. Raylan sorta wanders in and out of three crimes, all of which are somewhat connected but never fully realized. All your favorite characters from the show pop up here and there but I just don't feel like this book could survive without your love of the television show. A fun, if somewhat disappointing read.

--Brad

Saturday, November 19, 2011

A Fistful of Vampires That Don't Sparkle! (Brad's Picks)


It's finally here!  The Twilight Saga:  Breaking Dawn Part 1!  Squeeeeeeeeeee!  Oh wait.  Those movies are bollix.  My wife read the four novels over the course of a weekend, really enjoyed them, and has dragged me nearly kicking and screaming (I don't throw up much of a fuss, no matter what the movie--I like all flicks even crappy sparkly ones) to each of the cheap adaptations.  The first film is shockingly amaturish, the second one nearly unwatchable, but the third film is what broke me.  Jacob ripping his shirt off at every moment, Edward sneery staring in every frame.  Yeah, I'm ready for Blade to take these mopes out.

Anyway, to celebrate--or bemoan as the case may be--the release of Breaking Dawn Part 1 (thanks Harry Potter for introducing this exciting new money grabber tradition) this weekend, we here at ITMOD are giving you our picks for the Best Non Sparkly vamps.  Personally, I like my vampires to be as monstrous as possible with as little romantic pining as possible.


5.  Peter Loew (Vampire's Kiss):  Okay what's a Fistful Friday without the inclusion of Nicolas Cage.  Vampire's Kiss is one of the most weirdo vampire flicks out there.  But don't take my word for it, just watch the below clip of Cage's Vampire freakout.



4.  Mircalla (The Vampire Lovers):  Possibly my favorite film from Hammer Studios, The Vampire Lovers follows the beautiful Ingrid Pitt as she seduces one young girl after the other.  But she finally meets her match after turning the daughter of Peter Cushing's mad General, who delivers one of his most hate-filled performances.  Blood & Boobs abound.


3.  Nomak (Blade II):  I really could not stand the original Blade.  But once Guillermo Del Toro got his hands around the Marvel property, he brought the monster back to the creature emo kids have pretty much ruined.  Gone are the open shirts and pale pasty skin.  In are giant, splitting vagina mouths springing venomous stingers into their victims throats--he doesn't just sip, he drinks--devours his victims. Nomak and his Reaper brethren want nothing to do with hipster soundtracks.  Their rats and they're treated as such.


2.  Dracula (The Monster Squad):  There are so many great Draculas in cinema and it might seem blasphemous to go with The Monster Squad version over say, Bela Lugosi or even Christopher Lee but I gotta express my love for Duncan Regher's incarnation.  This Dracula can suck your blood, he can turn your women into his Brides, but why do those tired actions when you can just punch a cop in the face, or break his neck, or toss a stick of dynamite under his car.  And yeah, blow up your super secret treehouse.  The Dracula from The Monster Squad will mess you up, not just nibble yer neck.



1.  Jesus Gris (Cronos):  Another Guillermo Del Toro Pick!  Federico Luppi is not your typical bloodsucker.  No fangs.  No aversion to garlic.  But after he's stung by the ancient Cronos device he develops a nasty skin condition and an uncontrollable thirst for blood.  Nosebleeds have never been so much fun.  But seriously, Cronos is one of the most sympathetic looks at the vampire condition and its the only film on the list to bring genuine tears to my eyes.  And if you don't already own the Criterion blu ray than do yourself a favor.  An absolutely fantastic commentary track from Del Toro and a tour of his Bleak House, a treasure trove of dorkdom.


--Brad