Nic Cage Claims He's Not A Vampire!

The other night Nicolas Cage was out promoting Ghost Rider 2 on David Letterman and claimed that he is in fact NOT a vampire.  But as we've posted before, the ebay evidence says otherwise.  Chock it up to more beautiful Cage-madness.

--Brad

A Fistful of Vampires That Don't Sparkle! (Brad's Picks)

It's finally here!  The Twilight Saga:  Breaking Dawn Part 1!  Squeeeeeeeeeee!  Oh wait.  Those movies are bollix.  My wife read the four novels over the course of a weekend, really enjoyed them, and has dragged me nearly kicking and screaming (I don't throw up much of a fuss, no matter what the movie--I like all flicks even crappy sparkly ones) to each of the cheap adaptations.  The first film is shockingly amaturish, the second one nearly unwatchable, but the third film is what broke me.  Jacob ripping his shirt off at every moment, Edward sneery staring in every frame.  Yeah, I'm ready for Blade to take these mopes out.

Anyway, to celebrate--or bemoan as the case may be--the release of Breaking Dawn Part 1 (thanks Harry Potter for introducing this exciting new money grabber tradition) this weekend, we here at ITMOD are giving you our picks for the Best Non Sparkly vamps.  Personally, I like my vampires to be as monstrous as possible with as little romantic pining as possible.

5.  Peter Loew (Vampire's Kiss):  Okay what's a Fistful Friday without the inclusion of Nicolas Cage.  Vampire's Kiss is one of the most weirdo vampire flicks out there.  But don't take my word for it, just watch the below clip of Cage's Vampire freakout.

4.  Mircalla (The Vampire Lovers):  Possibly my favorite film from Hammer Studios, The Vampire Lovers follows the beautiful Ingrid Pitt as she seduces one young girl after the other.  But she finally meets her match after turning the daughter of Peter Cushing's mad General, who delivers one of his most hate-filled performances.  Blood & Boobs abound.

3.  Nomak (Blade II):  I really could not stand the original Blade.  But once Guillermo Del Toro got his hands around the Marvel property, he brought the monster back to the creature emo kids have pretty much ruined.  Gone are the open shirts and pale pasty skin.  In are giant, splitting vagina mouths springing venomous stingers into their victims throats--he doesn't just sip, he drinks--devours his victims. Nomak and his Reaper brethren want nothing to do with hipster soundtracks.  Their rats and they're treated as such.

2.  Dracula (The Monster Squad):  There are so many great Draculas in cinema and it might seem blasphemous to go with The Monster Squad version over say, Bela Lugosi or even Christopher Lee but I gotta express my love for Duncan Regher's incarnation.  This Dracula can suck your blood, he can turn your women into his Brides, but why do those tired actions when you can just punch a cop in the face, or break his neck, or toss a stick of dynamite under his car.  And yeah, blow up your super secret treehouse.  The Dracula from The Monster Squad will mess you up, not just nibble yer neck.

1.  Jesus Gris (Cronos):  Another Guillermo Del Toro Pick!  Federico Luppi is not your typical bloodsucker.  No fangs.  No aversion to garlic.  But after he's stung by the ancient Cronos device he develops a nasty skin condition and an uncontrollable thirst for blood.  Nosebleeds have never been so much fun.  But seriously, Cronos is one of the most sympathetic looks at the vampire condition and its the only film on the list to bring genuine tears to my eyes.  And if you don't already own the Criterion blu ray than do yourself a favor.  An absolutely fantastic commentary track from Del Toro and a tour of his Bleak House, a treasure trove of dorkdom.

--Brad

Nicolas Cage, Old As Dirt? Immortal? Vampire?

Again, found via Geek Tyrant.  Is that Nicolas Cage? Apparently an Ebay seller is selling a photo with a Buy It Now price of $1,000,000 and joking that Nic Cage must be a vampire.  I'm guessing this is a fake, but it sure is funny as all get out.  Description below:

"Original c.1870 carte de visite showing a man who looks exactly like
Nick Cage. Personally, I believe it’s him and that he is some sort of
walking undead / vampire, et cetera, who quickens / reinvents
himself once every 75 years or so. 150 years from now, he might
be a politician, the leader of a cult, or a talk show host.

This is not a trick photo of any kind and has not been manipulated
in Photoshop or any other graphics program. It’s an original photo
of a man who lived in Bristol, TN sometime around the Civil War.

For the many of you insisting that this is a Photoshop manipulation:
Any serious potential buyer will be allowed to have a photo expert
of their choice examine the original photograph before any money
changes hands.

I’ve had a lot of questions asking where I purchased this. As followers
of my website know, I collect antique memorial photography –
images of dead people – from the 1800s. This photo was found in
the very back of album that contained an unusual number of
Civil War era death portraits (which is why I purchased it). All of
the other people in the album, living and dead, were identified
by name – this man was not."

--Brad