Brad's Week in Dork! (2/23/14-3/1/14)

I spent most of this week ticking off the last batch of Oscar Nominees, feverishly anticipating Sunday's Super Bowl.  I was perfectly content with my adequate consumption of the Major Nominees (12 Years A Slave, Gravity, August - Osage County, etc), but after I got wind of my friend Lindsey's plan to burn through ALL nominations, I kicked it up a notch.  Best Picture?  Best Actor?  Forget that.  Let's go crazy with Best Makeup, Sound Mixing, and Original Song!  Knocking out Bad Grampa & All Is Lost first thing, I spent most of the week working through the Animated Feature category.  The Croods, Despicable Me 2, Frozen, The Wind Rises.  Boy.  None of them really interested me during their initial releases, and I wouldn't have bothered if not for The Academy Awards.  Frankly, the only 2013 animated films I cared about were Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2 (TACOZILLA!) and Escape From Planet Earth...yeah...well, you know...Shatner.  The less said about Monsters University, Planes, and the decline of Pixar the better.  Hell, 2014 is already looking brighter thanks to The Lego Movie, but let's cross fingers that How To Train Your Dragon 2 & The Box Trolls deliver this goods this year.

But as much fun as I had hopping back and forth from the Angelika to Landmark's Bethesda Row, my favorite theatrical experience of the week (and the best damn movie I watched) was the Alamo Drafthouse's Tough Guy Cinema screening of Streets of Fire.  Nice to see a crowd show up for Walter Hill's hyper stylized rock & roll fable, and as many times as I've fallen in love with Diane Lane's Ellen Aim, this was the first time I was utterly hypnotized by her opening performance.  Just wow.  One of my regular cinematic rants is how Jessica Alba totally fails as Nancy in Sin City, and watching Lane own that crowd and that camera just absolutely accentuated Alba's Frank Miller failure.  Diane Lane is astonishing in this movie.  So great to see this 80s oddity again, and I really need to track down a high def copy cuz Streets of Fire is a Once-A-Year-Watch for sure.  Easy to see why this is one of Matt's Favorite Films.

Jackass Presents - Bad Grandpa:  Like other Jackassy productions, there are a few cheap laughs to be found here, but how many times can you watch an asshole get kicked in the balls before you've had enough?  Somewhere Bob Saget is screaming, "NEVER!"  I do not like the candid camera format, tricking simpletons into gross-out scenarios is the lowest form of humor.  And I don't care how many dolts get fooled by Johnny Knoxville's latexed face, Bad Grampa has no business earning a Makeup & Hairstyle nomination.  Under the scrutiny of HD cameras, Grampa's mug looks like fat, sweaty putty.  It's not like the Oscars are free from W-T-F acknowledgements, but it hurts a little to see such a base concept receive encouragement.  Am I just a middle aged fuddy duddy?  Maybe.  But I'd rather watch a million subpar South Park episodes than witness Knoxville's stretched-out scrotum.

All Is Lost:  I very much enjoy watching the process of survival.  I love how this film has the confidence to trap its audience on the boat, and reveal character only through the tiniest bits of detail.  It's a great performance experiment, and All Is Lost succeeds with tension in ways that Alfonso Cuaron's Gravity stumbles about in cheap symbolism.  However, as I watched this late at night (or far too early in the morning), I found myself drifting around the halfway mark.  Not locked down in the theater seat, as each attempt at life fails, I lost interest in the hell this Old Man had created for himself. Maybe I do need a Wilson to talk to, or maybe an interior monologue.  Such concepts would certainly weaken the craft on display, but I just never fully engaged with Redford's plight.  Or I could have simply not been in the mood.

The Croods:  This one surprised me a bit.  Quest For Fire, but "For Kids!"  Nicolas Cage certainly works as the chromag dad terrified to venture out beyond his cave.  His voice lends an enthusiasm to his character in ways we haven't seen from him in a long, long time (about three or four Direct-to-DVDs ago).  Continental Drift forces the clan to explore their backyard, and it's a beautiful nightmare of owl-wovles & piranha-birds.  If you're at all familiar with the whacky, nonsensical design of the Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs films then you'll be happily equipped to handle the absurdity on display in the Land of the Lost.  The themes of curiosity & fear are simple, but important to the young audience, and The Croods is easily the most inventive looking film of the Animated Feature nominations.  A classic?  Naw.  But you know...fun for the whole family.

Despicable Me 2:  I do not care about Steve Carrell's Gru or his Good Dad/Bad Guy routine.  His story of romance and world domination holds zero interest.  But those minions?  They are just too cute for words.  I hate myself for loving them so much, but a ten second dream sequence in which one yellow fella falls head over heels for Kristen Wiig is abso-freaking-dorable.  And Isaac Washington Minion!!!  I want that toy now.  The rest of the movie?  Whatever.

Frozen:  This one suffered from the hype machine.  After weeks of friends, family, and co-workers telling me this is the best film Disney has released in ages, I was bound to finish Frozen with a lackluster spirit.  The film is pretty enough.  I dig the sibling love story.  The snowman character isn't even that annoying (shocker!).  But the film felt rushed to me.  Blinked and it was over.  I was disappointed when the real villain revealed himself, and the songs were Broadway light.  I should have seen this opening weekend, but with the world going ga-ga for Adele Dazeem, the contrarian in me wants to champion The Croods or The Wind Rises instead.  Not terrible.  It's on par with Tangled.  Good enough.

The Wind Rises:  "The Dream is Cursed."  I am not a worshiper at the alter of Miyazaki.  I've enjoyed a few of his films in the past (Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away), but I've always felt a little alienated by the anime aesthetic.  Jingoism?  I've always feared that.  I like my cartoons Don Bluth.  Gasping Characters, Big Eyes, and Speed Lines?  No thanks.  American animation certainly has its own batch of annoyances, but my mind has remained shut on Anime & Manga since my 12 year old self first encountered it with Vampire Hunter D.  But I'm trying to grow.  Thanks to books like Gon, Domu, Lone Wolf & Cub, I'm more willing then ever to embrace Japan's greatest export.  Not to mention the sad fact that American Animation refuses to pull itself out of Mother Goose storytelling.  The closest we've come to exploring mature stories in the medium are Pixar's Up & Wes Andreson's Fantastic Mr. Fox.  Utterly pathetic.  The Wind Rises claims to be Miyazaki's farewell film, and I hope he sticks this landing as its a perfect sendoff.  Not the magical fantasy we've come to expect from the filmmaker, this film is a pseudo biography of airplane designer Jiro Horikoshi.  Doing his best to ignore the moral quandary of selling beauty to the military, and witnessing his art transformed into killing machines, Jiro battles apocalyptic nightmares and a doomed romance.  Filled with dread and sadness, I really enjoyed the dreamscape Jiro shares with Italian engineer Caproni; their conversations in regards to the airplanes military destiny contribute the film's greatest narrative meat.  The not-so-rom-com that occurs halfway through never seems fully realized, but there is enough misery there to complement the film's gloomy inevitability.  Not quite enough to make me a believer, as a fan of animation, it's obvious that I have to look outside my borders if I want to experience tales beyond fuzzy animals.

Streets of Fire:  When Ellen Aim (the breathtakingly badass Diane Lane) returns to her hometown for a rock show extravaganza, she's targeted by Willem Dafoe's Black Leather Motorcycle Club.  Kidnapped and dragged into the depths of retro 80s hell, Rick Moranis & Michael Pare assemble a squad of rock & roll weirdos (groupies! motowners! rockabilly bartenders, a lesbian, maybe!) to raid the biker bar and declare sledgehammer warfare.  As ex soldier Tom Cody, Pare delivers his super sincere one-liners with all of his acting might, and follicaly challenged facial hair.  He manages to bounce back & forth from the laughably ridiculous to the totally cool, something that only seems possible in that childhood decade.  The out-of-time reality and skyscraper performances condemn Streets of Fire as a cult favorite, but it's a Kool-Aid I don't mind drinking.  From the uber masculine mind that brought us 48 Hours, Southern Comfort, Extreme Prejudice,  and The Warriors, director Walter Hill was the master of the generational gem.  Streets of Fire is a rootin' tootin' crowd pleaser for stunted youth everywhere.

Rocky IV:  When I came home from The Alamo, I wanted to continue that thrill of 1980s cinema, and in my mind no other movie sums up the Reagan Era better than Sylvester Stallone's bombastic franchise killer.   Follow-up films were bound to fail after Rocky IV crushed communism's super science, resulting in the Berlin Wall's collapse.  Using the power of Montage (30 minutes worth in a 90 minute movie!), Rocky trains faster, harder, and beardier than his Giant Evil Foreign counterpart, avengers the death of Apollo Creed, and secures the love of his family through staged violence.  Plus, Paulie marries a robot!!!  Did the 80s produce better movies?  Raiders of the Lost Ark?  Blade Runner?  Raging Bull?  NOOOO!  It does not get better than "I Must Break You."  Case closed.

Omar:  Why are all "important" films so dang sad?  Watching through this year's nominees it's obvious that The Academy only has room in its heart to mope.  My quest for total Oscar domination brought me face-to-face with a lot of tragedies, and the Foreign Film category practically delivered me into a state of despair.  Omar is the story of a Palestinian revolutionary caught between his freedom fighter responsibilities and the love of a comrade's sister.  But as tensions build and plans result in death, imprisonment, more death, more imprisonment, and more death, I started to see Omar as less of a message movie, and more as a thrilling crime saga staged against the West Bank.  Think Donnie Brasco with the added bonus of systemized hatred.  I didn't leave the theater weepy as I did with Broken Circle Breakdown or The Hunt.  Instead it was a sensation more akin to surviving a James Ellroy novel.  A good time?  Actually...yeah.

The Invisible Woman:  After the boiling violence of Coriolanus, director Ralph Fiennes tackles the burdensome lust of every college professor's favorite novelist.  Having produced a litter of children and grown tired of his wife, the wandering eye of Charles Dickens lands on a supposedly talentless young actress.  They strike up an affair for some reason, causing a stir amongst the London press, and a not-so-secret shame for their family.  The film looks nice.  I suppose it earns its Wardrobe nomination.  Screenwriter Abi Morgan certainly frames the story in an intriguing fashion, and Fiennes pulls fine melodrama from his actors.  But the story left me cold.  I never fully understood the actions of the characters, nor did I ever really care.  The best I can say is that for thirty seconds or so while the film played I contemplated pulling the dusty Dickens off my book shelf.  But the moment passed.

The Book Thief:  I hated this movie.  A Hallmark Holocaust Adventure brought to you by the voice of God and John Williams's token Oscar nomination.  A young girl learns to read while Nazis burn books in the streets and hatred sweeps the nation in the most offensively banal depiction of World War II I have ever experienced.  I think it's all well and good to remember the horrors of the past.  In fact, it's deadly important.  Our society needs films like Schindler's List & 12 Years A Slave every decade or so as a reminder of human nature's horrific capability.  But The Book Thief delivers its message with about as much passion as an after school special.  It feels like a checkmark in a high school history class.  Infuriating.

Anchorman 2 - Supersized R Rated Edition:  Simply fascinating.  The narrative is the same.  Ron Burgundy travels to the big city unleashing the hell of the 24 hour news cycle upon our hapless society.  But half the jokes are different.  Improvised comedy is both wonderful and terrible.  You film one scene thirty different ways with thirty different lines, and suddenly you can cut thirty different films.  Or at least two solidly different films.  But I preferred the original Anchorman 2.  Maybe because it's jokes were better, but probably because it was my first experience with the script.  I still managed to laugh my ass of here, but the Supersized edition fascinated/perplexed me more than anything else.  A great bonus feature, but was it worth the second price of admission?  Still working it out.

--Brad

Brad's Week In Dork! (7/22/12-7/28/12)

Holy No-Life, Batman!  With The Wife vacationing in the Outer Banks with the family and me stuck back in the daily routine of The Job, I spent every free moment watching movies and reading comics.  This time, when The Wife was away, I focused on that other Expendable action star Sylvester Stallone.  Of course, I knocked out my two favorite Rambos and my four favorite Rockys but I also consumed a few other favorites.  I didn't bother hunting down the few Sly flicks I have yet to see (F.I.S.T., Paradise Alley, D-Tox) or the films I really cannot stand (Driven, Stop or My Mom Will Shoot).  Instead I filled in the remaining gaps with a couple of other films I've been meaning to devour...and, of course! Another hit of The Dark Knight Rises.

MOVIES OF THE WEEK!

Batman - Under The Red Hood:  With The Joker's Robin beatdown, this flick earns its PG-13 rating right from the getgo. Bones crunch, blood splatters, a boy dies. And then you have the rest of the story. It's an action picture.  There's very little dialogue for the first half as the new Red Hood makes his play on Gotham's gangs. However, the appearances of distracting DC Universe characters like Amazo and even Ra's Al Ghul feels awkward in this noirish Gotham. It's a solid Bat-tale, but the real treat of the disc is the Joe Lansdale penned, Thomas Jane voiced, Jonah Hex short not-so-hidden as a special feature. In fifteen minutes it crushes and humiliates DC Animated's recent film adaptation.

Lockout:  "My old man was a big John Wayne fan." Guy Pearce puts on his best Snake Plisken voice for this John Carpenter wannabe, and despite a rather lackluster presentation, Lockout manages to entertain for those easily forgiving or desperate for try-hard 80s sci-fi action. We don't get a lot of movies like this these days, and even if we crave for Outlands and Escape From New Yorks sometimes we just have to settle for a Lockout. And Guy Pearce is fun.  After LA Confidential, there was a time when he could have been a true blue action lead. Definitely knows how to take and deliver punches.

Get The Gringo:  Ah, Mel Gibson. I wish you were not so damn crazy. Cuz as you get older and your craggily face gets more Lee Marvinized, there is a serious potential for you to take the Badass Mean Bastard roles that once belonged to Marvin, Charles Bronson, and Warren Oates. Get The Gringo never quite gets good, but there are hints of greatness when Gibson gets mean, shooting thugs in the back and tossing grenades indiscriminately. Hopefully his coming role in Machete Kills will take full advantage of this horrific nature.

First Blood:  "God Didn't Make Rambo..." Before it devolved into the action franchise explosionfest we came to know and love, First Blood was a brooding and sad saga of a Vietnam Vet drifting through the fringes of society. Wandering America in search of someone to share his trauma, John Rambo's unstoppable force meets Brian Dennehy's immovable object. All on account of a haircut, the small town, know-it-all sheriff pushes the disturbed soldier into a corner, unleashing years of kept rage. For all his Green Beret Medal of Honor kickassery, John Rambo yanks at the heartstrings during the fiery climax, and his final hate-filled scream speech puts a lump in the throat every time. First Blood remains one of my all time favorite films, and for those that think that Rambo is all crossbow & machine gun fire than they're not looking hard enough.

Cobra:  "Crime is a disease. Meet the cure." Sylvester Stallone is Marion "Cobra" Cobretti, head shooter for LA Law's zombie squad.  And when a cult of axe wielding biker goons start hacking and slashing the beautiful ladies Los Angeles it's up to The Italian Stallion to shoot first and ask questions later. Cobra is a perfect 80s action picture. Style over substance, blood over reason. Director George P. Cosmatos, a man responsible for several of my favorite genre classics (Of Unknown Origin, Leviathan, First Blood Part II, Tombstone), drenches the film in blood red 80s grime and delivers a badass and terrifying movie. Brian Thompson's Night Slasher still gives chills as he's sweating and sneering and spitting viscous venomous dialog--he's a monster! Too bad this never transformed into Sly's third franchise.

Rocky III:  Look. For me, the Rocky franchise doesn't even begin until the third film. Sure. Rocky 1 is some pretty good Oscar Bait, but Rocky 2 is a fairly boring rehash lacking any real kind of narrative direction despite the wannabe cameo acting of Joe Spinell. Rocky III, on the other hand, is where the glorious and insane decade that was the 1980s kicks off the Super Hero Blockbuster absurdity of rich boy Italian Stallion vs. the vile beast man, Clubber Lang aka Mr. "Pity The Fool!" T. When Rocky looses the title and mentor to the monster, he must turn to his drunk brother-in-law Paulie and his mortal enemy Apollo Creed to find the Eye of the Tiger and win back the heart of America. This is pure goofy joy entertainment and it's just a preview of the High Art that is Rocky IV.  To Be Continued...

District 9:  Neill Blomkamp takes an updated Alien Nation plot and delivers one of the best bits of sci-fi body horror allegory (you know, that tired old genre) ever produced. Sharlto Copley's Wikus Van De Merwe is a despicable, racist horror show that somehow transforms into an understandably tragic character. The CGI Prawns, especially proud papa Christopher Johnson, are easily my favorite aliens of the modern era. Not for the timid, as the climax races to its gory conclusion, bodies are exploding and popping all across Johannesburg as corporate soldiers of fortune go up against lightning guns and mech suits.

The Dark Knight Rises:  Went back for another round, but this time in pure glorious IMAX. And yeah, I highly recommend following suit in this format revolution. The six stories of massive James Bond action that opens the film is truly stunning; as the plane cracks open and Bane drops down the fuselage, I could not keep my jaw clamped. I only wish that every scene was shot in IMAX as the ratio switching was a little distracting.  But what do you think of the film, Brad? I definitely liked it more this time around. Again, it's hard to discuss without going into massive spoilers but I really dig the anti-Batman wrecking machine that is Tom Hardy's Bane and their physical battles are brutally and painfully epic in a very comic book kinda way. And there are at least three moments in the film that choke my geek heart with emotion. Yes, it's my least favorite of the three films but I do think it makes The Dark Knight an even better film and perfectly completes a Whole Batman story.  And calling it The Return of the Jedi of the series seems a little unfair.

The 39 Steps:  A humorous but often grim spy thriller from pre-Hollywood Alfred HItchcock, The 39 Steps is a classic wrong place, wrong time narrative in which Robert Donat's dashing Canadian flees England for Scotland after a female spy drops dead in his apartment. Chance encounters lead to deadly pursuits through fog soaked moors and the film is so dang charming with oddball bits of comedy peppered throughout the murderous shenanigans.

Rocky IV:  "If he dies, he dies." The most Epic entry in the franchise, Rocky IV pits the Italian Stallion against the towering Commie monster, Ivan Drago after his one-time nemesis Apollo Creed falls from Drago's iron fists. The film is busting at the seems with cartoonish 80s flourishes like Paulie's sweetheart robot and the earnest rock n roll montages but the tragic Las Vegas bout at the center of the film gives Rocky IV a genuine core of thrilling emotion. And the climactic East meets West battle is easily the most punishing and thrilling bout of the series.  You cannot think 1980s action without thinking of Rocky IV.  A classic.

Demolition Man:  "What's Your Boggle!" Sylvester Stallone's loose cannon cop (is there any other kind?) is wrongfully convicted of the manslaughter of a dozen hostages after Wesley Snipes's demented psychopath (is there any other kind?) drops a building on their heads. Sentenced to a cryo-prison, the two leads awaken in the very "Be Well" year of 2032 to discover a future of Taco Bells, mini-tunes, and seashells. Demolition Man is a goofy but fun, barely sci-fi action flick in which both Sly & Snipes deliver high octane performances with great heaps of scream acting. Sandra Bullock tags along as the yesteryear obsessed rookie cop, and it is kinda adorable how she squeals at Sly's brutish profanity and need for toilet paper. Demolition Man is pretty much the last hurrah of Sly's 80s action status, and Snipes seems more comfortable as the villain (and blonde) than he's ever been as a hero...not counting Blade 2 or Passenger 57.

Cliffhanger:  There really is nothing special about Renny Harlin's Cliffhanger other than the fact that it struggles to hold onto the the long gone hard R action esthetic of the 80s. But sometimes that's just enough for me to appreciate a time killer flick. Stallone is given plenty of opportunities to dispatch villainy using nameless terrorists as human sleds and bench press practice--watch out for those stalactites! Michael Rooker makes for a good sidekick, but he doesn't get the kills he deserves. John Lithgow reaches into his bag of Big Bad accents for a ridiculous turn as the sneering Eric Qualen, and his final helicopter boxing match with Stallone is cheery nonsense. Cliffhanger is fun but ultimately forgettable.

Rocky Balboa:  The Rocky franchise is Sylvester Stallone. He's directed four of the films and written all six. He's poured his soul into the character; he could never let the champ go even when he lacked narrative drive.  But he sends ol' Rock out on a glorious emotional high note. Parts III & IV are rip-roaring adventures in 80s iconography but the final Rocky Balboa returns to the pain and the heart experienced by the struggling athlete of the original. His true love has passed, all that Rocky has is his depressed boozer brother-in-law and his fame embarrassed son. He spends his days telling war stories to the diners at his restaurant and dreaming of his Once Upon A Time glory. When a CNN stunt expose draws him back into the ring, Rocky rediscovers his purpose as well as his family. Rocky Balboa is a shockingly emotional end to a sports saga I hold dear to my heart, which frankly, is amazing to discover for this wimpy film nerd.

Rambo:  The last fifteen minutes of the fourth Rambo installment is a kill crazy rampage of shocking brutality and copious gouts of gore that still managed to stun this audience member well onto his sixth viewing. And I love that it took Sylvester Stallone as director to bring the franchise to these epic levels of violence. It's easily the most simplistic entry in the saga; Rambo must venture into the dark heart of Burma to rescue some naive missionaries. That's it. Bing. Bang. WHA-BOOM! Stallone doesn't quite pluck the heartstrings in the same fashion as he did with his return to Rocky, but he does bring the character to a satisfying end. Sure, I want to see a fifth film where Rambo's rampaging through the U.S. or Mexico but if I'm left with Rambo butchering an army of genocidal maniacs? I'm happy. First Blood is a masterpiece, Rambo (IV) is just brilliant Grand Guigonol.

COMICS OF THE WEEK!

Richard Stark's Parker - The Score:  "Parker Had No Weapons On Him But His Hands..." After the brilliance of his Hunter & Outfit adaptations, I was not quite sure how Darwyn Cooke's take on The Score would pan out. The first two stories are mean, angry bits of brutality fueled by Parker's personal grudge against The Organization. The Score on the other hand is motivated by Parker's boredom and introduces a variety of crooks into the narrative, including the semi-humorous thief with a heart of gold, Grofield. But Cooke keeps the focus on the Copper Canyon heist, and his adaptation breezes by as a sweet score turns explosive. The Score is probably my least favorite of the three Parker adaptations but it's quick & punchy and our favorite professional shines in the business of the crime. The back of the book promises another story in 2013 and I cannot wait to see Cooke take Parker through The Handle.

Ragemoor #4: The saga of the living castle concludes! The origin of Ragemoor is explored thanks to some mad Bodrick ramblings, and Master Herbert refuses to hear the horror as he chases his revenge against the Poacher turned Bug Man, Tristano. Jan Strnad & Richard Corben deliver a beautifully gross love letter to Lovecraft & William Hope Hodgson and I’m sad to see it end. 4 issues was just not enough to fuel my thirst for skull headed baboons and human-bug birthing chambers.

X-O Manowar #3: Aric of Dacia has taken possession of the Armor of Shanhara! Time for endless green laser blasts and equally endless cockroach alien explosions! I love the concept of Conan The Barbarian meets a holy Iron Man; my only complaint is that the story rushes to put the characters into the modern era. Sure, sure, sure I guess we have to follow the pattern of the original 90s comic book but I would have much preferred to keep Aric rooted in history-taking that Manowar armor to Rome’s inevitable devestation. Still, curious to see how this time hopping business plays out.  And I hear Ninjak is coming....

Space Punisher #1: This is just silly. Set in an alternate Marvel Universe where Frank Castle pilots a starship across the galaxy looking for the “intergalactic mafia” responsible for his family’s murder, Space Punisher offers plenty of chuckles as our hero tortures a race of Venom-wrapped Brood baddies and vaporizes the Space Rhino. Look for guest spots from Cyclops’ daddy Corsair as well as barflys Thanos, Annialus, and Boba Fett. I don’t know if I could call this comic “good” but I’m gonna keep buying it cuz it’s just super silly and I dig the serious painterly style of artist Mark Texeira. And don’t forget, “In Space No One Can Hear You Die!”

Fatima – The Blood Spinners #2: Gilbert Hernandez gives us a little more plot and backstory with the second issue, but I’m less wrapped up in the story as I am in the horrifically ugly art—that’s not a negative! Almost every panel offers some new cringing horror and as Fatima puts her faith & heart into the hands of dreamboat Jody there is some seriously creepy foreboding in progress. The final two pages radically jump the story forward and I’m deeply curious as to where Hernandez is taking this freak show. But why do I always think of Futurama when reading this book?

Bloodshot #1: What I got from this latest Valiant reboot is that I have no memory of the orginal book. Crime writer Duane Swierczynski transforms Bloodshot into a tragic Source Code-esque hero with plenty of hyper real terrorist/government conspiracy mumbo jumbo and I’m not sure that I’m down with the story just yet, but thankfully I dig the strainy veiny bloody art of Manuel Garcia & Arturo Lozzi. I’m moving forward with this book but it fails to grab me in the same fashion that X-O Manowar did.

BPRD Hell on Earth – Exorcism:  Dang, I really dug this quick two-parter.  Much more than The Devil's Engine mini.  Agent Strode & the old man Ota go toe to toe with the demon and it’s a riveting battle that reaches from inner space to outer goat.  Mignola & Stewart have established a strong character in Strode and I’m excited by the letter page promise of her return in further BPRD adventures.

Hit-Girl #2: More of the same. I’m seriously only buying this book for John Romita Jr’s violent art. I just can’t muster up the energy to care for Mindy’s middle school plight or Kick-Ass’s super hero skill building. Especially knowing that this book takes place before Kick-Ass 2; what possible revelations could we be in store for?

Eternity: I know nothing about Kid Eternity. My comic shop said they dug this one-shot so I gave it a go. It’s alright, I guess. Basically, this kid coroner has the ability to reach into the spirit world and communicate with the dead. He solves crimes this way. And then the story ends on a cliffhanger. But will there be more? Maybe. Meh, I say.

Winter Soldier #8: I remember when I thought Ed Brubaker’s Captain America was the best book on the stands. But that feels like a long time ago. Sure, Winter Soldier is definitely better than what’s going on in the Cap book right now, but it still pales in comparison to Bru's former glory. The latest issue sees Black Widow brainwashed by the Sleeper Agent. And she’s doing ballet for some reason. Ok. But I want this book to be great. Brubaker, yer writing the best book on the stands right now (Fatale for those not in the know) and Winter Soldier deserves better than this.

Batman Incorporated #1: Holy Bat-Cow! I enjoyed the hell outta this first issue! Grant Morrison is rocking my world with his Batman saga. Thank you, sir! The first issue in the New 52 universe pretty much picks up just where Morrison’s last Batman Inc book left off. Talia Al Ghul’s terrorist organization, Leviathan has put out a hit on Robin The Boy Wonder and every mook in Gotham is gunning for the brat. The first issue focuses on a tangle with the sniper Goat Boy and his band of goat masked henchman as they butcher their way through a slaughterhouse. Chris Burnham’s art is beautifully grotesque (hmmmm, that must be my fetish now cuz I’m fascinated with gross and violent art these days…sicko) and the scene in which Robin slides through a pool of cow’s blood was at once nauseatingly disgusting and utterly badass. I am so excited to see where this book takes Batman. I’m guessing down some seriously demented corridors.

Batman Incorporated #2: The second issue pretty much focuses on the life of Talia Al Ghul: her relationship with her father, The Demon’s Head and her eventual takeover of his evil organization. Not quite the mindblowing action-fest that was the first issue but I seriously appreciate the rage and determination on display from the mother of Bruce Wayne’s child. Again, Morrison’s Batman has been one twisted journey. Now, can DC release the third book already!

The Sixth Gun Volume 3 - Bound:  The third volume in Cullen Bunn's weird Western is mostly setup, and it's a disappointing revelation when you reach the last page and there's a dozen new unanswered questions. But that's also a kinda fantastic problem to have. The Agents of General Hume attempt to rob Becky & Drake from their ancient weapons as Gord tries another act of revenge against those responsible for his family's murder. And it all has something to do with the mummy Asher Cobb and the badass priests known as The Sword of Abraham. But don't worry, the golem Billjohn is waiting in the wings to wreak a muddy punishment. The Sixth Gun remains one of the most fun books on the stands and I can no longer wait for trades to hit the bookshelves, time to dive into the singles.  

Saga #1-5:  Brian K Vaughan's Y The Last Man, Ex Machina, and Runaways are some of my very favorite modern comics.  So the promise of another epic but one rooted firmly in the sci-fi genre is quite exciting.  But the seemingly Romeo & Juliet conflict between the Wreaths & the Landfalls and the rather boring title kept me from diving in despite all my comic book buddies screaming at me to READ THIS BOOK.  Well, they were right.  It took the first two issues, but by the third I was hooked.  Vaughan seems to relish in profanity, nudity, and gore but once you and he get used to the flavor of the title, the fringe details like The Will assassin, his ex-lover The Stalk, and the TV Headed Prince will keep you flipping pages.  Vaughan has dabbled in some of these ideas before, but it's exciting to think where he will take this epic and when the climax of issue five pulls a very Robert Kirkmanesque character dispatch there's a promise of more shocking future discoveries.  

--Brad

A Fistful of One Too Many! (Brad's Picks)

Tonight, The Wife & I will be hitting up a midnight screening of Men in Black III.  It's been a decade since the last film and I'm not really sure anyone out there (including the two of us) is all that excited for the third installment.  That second film after all was unforgivably terrible.  I only saw it the once, but it killed any kind of enthusiasm built from the original silly Will Smith (& straight man Tommy Lee Jones) vehicle and I've nearly blocked the visual of Laura Flynn Boyle's groaning plant lady completely from my brain.  It still lurks like a repressed childhood trauma.

That Second Film was definitely unwelcome and probably went one film too far into the franchise.  Can the third film redeem the MIB saga?  Doubtful.  Still, I'm slightly curious to see Josh Brolin's Tommy Lee Jones impersonation and I'm always down for Rick Baker creatures.

It begs the question, what other sequels went where no audience cared?

5.  The Two Jakes:  I just watched this the other night so it's freshly scarred my mind.  The Jack Nicholson directed sequel to Chinatown lacks the noir style of the original, plopping in narration where none is needed and looking horribly flat with that bland 90s lighting.  It's not a terrible film, but where most people site The Godfather Part III as the most heinous sequel to a perfectly contained masterpiece, I'd say The Two Jakes is really the MOST unnecessary sequel in cinema.  That being said, the below films irritate me to an even greater extent cuz it's hard to muster the energy against The Two Jakes since it's just sooooooo easy to ignore...forget.

4.  Rocky V:  After the ridiculously 80s Communist Assault that was Rocky IV, the franchise grinds to a halt with this fifth entry pitting a brain dead Rocky against punk protege Tommy Gun.  Instead of battling it out in the land of the unfree with a must-breaking titan, Rocky takes the fight to the back alleys of the U.S. of A. and slaps a boy around for a bit before the credits roll.  It's just so damn dull after The Wall tumbling climax of part 4.

3.  Alien - Resurrection:  Some might argue that Alien 3 is the one film too many, but there are bits and pieces to that prison break that I enjoy quite a bit.  And truth be told, there are a couple of moments or ideas in Resurrection that I like as well.  But as a whole, this infamously Joss Whedon scripted sequel induces more groans than chills, and when the Newborn rears its ugly ass head at the climax I want to punch the TV screen.  Those stupid blinking eyes and cooing whimpers!  Argh!  It may be a beautiful butterfly, Brad Dourif but I just want to crush it like the gross bug that it is.  And Winona Ryder, yer no Bishop.

2.  Batman Forever:  Christopher Nolan might have saved the Bat saga for the fanboys, but nothing will ever remove the taint left behind by Joel Schumacher's Day-Glo nightmare.  Yes, yes, yes, Batman & Robin is even worse but don't doubt for a second that Batman Forever is a good movie.  Say what you will about the Tim Burton films, but once Tommy Lee Jones' Two-Face starts to cackle your eyes will go wide with disbelief and you'll be praying for Danny DeVito's penguin army.  And yeah, Jim Carrey.  I hate you.

1.  The Matrix Reloaded/Revolutions:  When they were first released, I tried real hard to love The Matrix sequels.  But after a few rewatches, I just couldn't keep lying to myself.  The first film was a nifty sci-fi actioner that mixed some trippy 60s science-fiction novels with a little classroom zen.  But the sequels are way in love with the banal philosophy.  And man, all that CGI-Fu does not hold up these days.  But you could possibly forgive the doughy fisticuffs if the plot was not so pseudo-religously lame.  It might have been fun to see Neo go from hacker to god in the first film, but watching the god plunder about in parts 2 and 3 pretty much kills any kind of tension.  And it's all just so dang smug.

--Brad