Comic Review: Valiant 2016 Free Comic Book Day Preview

    The Valiant Comics re-launch from a few years ago had me really excited...for a few months. It was nice to see a bunch of titles launching from someone other than Marvel and DC, characters with some history and fanbase, but enough freedom to tell new stories. Plus, Cary Nord doing art for X-O Manowar?! Yes!!!  Sadly, like Nord’s time on the comic, my interest did not last. X-O Manowar spiraled out of my interest with the introduction of stupidly 90s character Ninjak and the loss of Nord’s art. Bloodshot seemed vaguely interesting, but not quite enough to keep me reading. Really, Archer & Armstrong was the best, but I drifted away from that, too.

    They’ve kept going without my business, and keep putting things out that almost make me want to start reading them again. Now, with their “Summer of 4001AD” line, my interest is piqued again. I like science fiction stuff. Are they boosting their characters into the future? What’s going on? Well, this sample preview doesn’t really tell me. But there are a few interesting things. I don’t know anything about Rai, but he looks kinda like a Japanese Bloodshot. OK. He’s running around in a futuristic dystopia filled with virtual reality and a blasted Earth. Sure. Sounds good. The very short bit from Divinity II adds to my desire to read Divinity. Seems like some crazy, Grant Morrison type mega-Science Fiction, and you know I’m there for that. Archer & Armstrong looks sufficiently weird and funny that I’m sure I’d be enjoying it if I’d stuck around. Faith seems as one-trick as ever. I’ve not read anything from it before, and I know it gets a lot of praise, but so far as I can tell its lone selling point is a “plus-size” woman superhero as the lead. I hope there’s more to that in the actual comic, but there isn’t in the preview. And the sample of Bloodshot remains almost interesting enough to want to read it. Almost.

    This preview did for me much what walking through a comic shop does with Valiant. It makes me curious to see what they’re doing, but not curious enough to drop any money on their books. Though I’d buy a trade of Divinity if I saw it.

-Matthew J. Constantine

Comic Review: Avatarex FCBD Preview

    Grant Morrison is an odd cat, and a prolific comic writer. And he seems to have a very wide field of interest. With Avatarex: Destroyer of Darkness, he and artist Jeevan J. Kang are taking on Indian mythology, filtering it through big-idea science fiction.

    The Free Comic Book Day preview issue is intriguing. I like the art, which is very modern in style, but has something of a high-Kriby content. However, it really is little more than a taste, a sample of the mood, but not much of a sense of the overall comic. So, we’ll see. But for now, I am curious.

-Matthew J. Constantine

Rumor Control/Panic Attack: Marvel's New 52???

Two years ago Marvel relaunched their line under the branding of Marvel Now!  All-New #1s!  On the surface this was nothing new for comic fans; a simple jump-on point for new readers walking out of movie theaters & into comic shops.  I'm still not sure if that logic is sound, but I really enjoyed the creative roster change...at first.  I certainly appreciated their creative shake up compared to DC's totally batshit reboot of The New 52.  I currently read only 5 DC monthly titles (Batman, Detective Comics, Batman Eternal, Green Arrow, Multiversity) & by next month it could be half that.  They are a stagnated company, and despite owning two of the most popular characters on the planet, they can't seem to tell a fresh story to save their life.  I just suffered a year long, dull, drab Gotham City origin story from the supposed A-Team of Scott Snyder & Greg Capullo, and I found the whole bland experience rather depressing.  Fingers crossed on the mad genius of Grant Morrison.

But Marvel's faltered along the way too.  Brian Michael Bendis' All-New X-Men started out as a madcap melodrama centered around the original team's time travel antics, but it's pretty much been dragging its feet for twenty plus issues.  Move the story along please.  Indie Darling Matt Fraction dished out some of the cutest/cleverest comics in FF & Hawkeye, but unknown behind-the-scenes gripes drove the man towards Image Comics.  Jason Aaron's triple threat Thor reinvigorated the God of Thunder for his first two arcs, but recent stories have lacked in the consequence department.  Rick Remender's Uncanny Avengers has been nothing but peaks & valleys - it's great! it's dumb! it's great! it's dumb!  His Captain America has never quiet sat right with me - Dimension Zola?  Ugh.  And let's not even discuss Iron Man.  It's dreck.  You can't dismiss Marvel Now like The New 52, but things are getting stale.  So you know what that means?  All-New #1s!!!

Newsarama just published an article speculating a line wide reboot akin to The New 52.   Time to panic?  Well, first, I'm not so sure I agree with their findings.  Second, a reboot is not really a reboot.  The old comics are there.  They still exist.  Also, The New 52 is really no different from the Universe we all grew up on, and I'm sure the same will be said for Marvel if it chooses to Crisis.  Third, this reboot will spawn out of Jonathan Hickman's Avengers/New Avengers "Time Runs Out" storyline.  I may be a little lukewarm on his cohorts, but I have been absolutely mesmerized since Hickman took over Marvel's flagship title.  Hickman has always been about The Big Picture, and each month I am left flabbergasted with how he's taken these tiny bits and weaved a grand, cosmic story.  I once thought he was simply building to last year's Mega Event (Infinity, the best one Marvel's had in over a decade), but now it appears that story was just another building block in Hickman's grander scheme.

For fanboys, it's easy to freak.  Black Captain America!  Lady Thor!  Evil Iron Man!  Comics, man.  They do weird wild stuff.  They have to.  Marvel just had it's 75th Birthday; that's a lot of web-slinging for Spider-Man, and you can only kill the Green Goblin once...or twice...or threefourfivesixsevenbajillion times.  It's hard to keep things interesting.  Some of their clickbait storylines are not going to work.  And some will.  The New 52 might stink now.  Marvel might go down the toilet.  There are only so many Jonathan Hickmans, Ed Brubakers, Robert Kirkmans in this world.  Given the right writer, any storyline or character can be saved.  I might skip on a title this month or this year, but I am always happy to jump back in.

--Brad

Brad's Week in Dork! (1/5/14-1/11/14)

Blink and you'll miss it.  That's what this week felt like.  2014 has barely started and I can already feel it slipping away.  I spent a good chunk of it compiling this year's Cinematic Resolutions, but I'm not quite ready to tackle any of them yet - which is certainly foolish if I have any hope in hades of devouring those Godzilla flicks before the latest reboot hits the big screen.  Gotta get hot.  I did manage to finish off Sweet Tooth & begin Grant Morrison's Animal Man.  Feels good to be tackling comics outside of the weeklies, and I hope it's a trend that lasts.  I'm tired of looking at all those unread trades piling up next to the bookshelf - Gotham Central, Doom Patrol, Infinite Kung Fu, Rasl, Swamp Thing, Loveless, and our next entry in the Graphic Novel Book Club, Sailor Twain.  New Year, and I want to refocus some of my dork energy into the other pop mediums.  Let's not forget I'm only halfway through Richard Stark's Parker series, and Darwyn Cooke is already adapting novels beyond my knowledge.  That ain't cool.

"What A World!" & "I'm Melting...I'm Melting!" by Jason Edmiston

I'm not bitching and moaning about the week, it just feels like it lacked focus.  I want to buckle down, but I guess I'm still decompressing from the massive 2013 movie dump I did in December.  This week started with a Late Show Drafthouse screening of Walter Hill's The Warriors.  My buddy Herms was in town from Texas, and it was a blast subjecting his fresh eyes to the Gang War crazy of late 70s New York City.  Yep.  This is the way it was folks.  Fact.  Matt & I also finally got ourselves around to witnessing the atrocity of the latest 47 Ronin.  Oh man.  What a waste.   So...yeah...the real highlight of the week was easily the Alamo 100 Raiders of the Lost Ark screening.  I've seen that film well over a hundred times now (at least 4 on the Big Screen), and it just never gets old.  Me & Indiana Jones?  It's true love.

The Warriors:  "I don't like the way you live." Ok.  I don't love The Warriors.  It's one of those seminal films of my youth that I just never bothered with.  The first time I saw the movie, I was 18/19 and well on my way to being a snooty film freak.  My initial thought back then was that Walter Hill perfected this sort of whacko gang land in his rock opera Streets of Fire.  Still, this film is a bit of a wonder, and I absolutely love its earnestness.  Here's a New York City in which Mimes rove the streets looking for trouble, where Baseball Furies terrify in warpaint, and where hillbillies in roller skates are the toughest dudes on the block. You can't help but chuckle at the sight of skinhead goons marauding about in a Road Warrior wagon. It's all about honor, friendship, and gash....uh...yeah, there are some awkward moments. The Warriors themselves always seem like a bad date away from running a train on their female companion - I know this, cuz our hero Swan says exactly that.  James Remar is the angry tough guy that gets taken off the stage when he fails to rape an undercover police woman.  So yeah, The Warriors, it's not too PC.  It's an icky fantasyland birthed from the same community fear that brought us Bernie Goetz and his cinematic Death Wish.   It's nearly two hours of confused, but somewhat intoxicating outlaw philosophy.  After all, as The Director's Cut clumsily establishes at the start, The Warriors is a story of courage similar to that of the 300 Spartans......uh....wha?

Sweet Tooth Vol 6 - Wild Game:  Gosh darn.  I just could not get past how damn sad this series got.  In a lot of ways it reminded me of Brian K Vaughn's Y The Last Man.  A Post-apocalyptic landscape.  An on-the-road quest to discovery the origin of a plague.  Bonds of friendship.  Bonds of love.   Maybe it's Lemire's somber, sometimes morose art-style, but I could never really connect to any other emotion than sorrow.  Sweet Tooth & Company finally reach their Alaskan destination, but the answers there are typically more ponderous than narratively satisfying.  Lemire writes a helluva page-turner; once I got back into this series, I was racing to the climax.  I love the sequential tinkering he puts his story through, and he's obviously having fun with the medium.  It's painfully refreshing to witness an artist utterly aware of his medium's visual importance.  This is not Brian Michael Bendis with neverending captions and word balloons.  Sweet Tooth is art.   But gloomy as hell, and I can already feel the story leaving my cranium.

Deceptive Practice:  The first time I encountered slight-of-hand artist Ricky Jay was as the narrator of Paul Thomas Anderson's Magnolia. That voice. Once heard it will live in your head. The next time I saw Ricky Jay was in David Mamet's Heist. That lead to an obsession with Mamet's films & plays which in turn lead to obsessions with Joe Mantegna, William H Macy, and Ricky Jay. Now for the first time, director Molly Bernstein takes us inside the tricks of Ricky Jay's trade. No, this is not a How-To on his artistry, but a sort of origin tale - a documentary that will drop your jaw in astonishment while also digging a bit into the history of stage magic. I'm a sucker for this type of thing. Penn & Teller. The Amazing Jonathan. Fun stuff. But Ricky Jay is an artist, a genius, and it feels like a privilege to get a peak inside.

Raiders of the Lost Ark:  "You want to talk to god?  Let's go see him together."  You know the deal.  On the verge of another World War, the American Government responds to rumblings of Hitler's Occult shenanigans by recruiting world renowned archeologist/adventurer, Dr. Indiana Jones.  It's an absurd premise born from the whacky pulp adventures of various movie serials, and succeeds thanks to Harrison Ford's uncanny badass charm.  This is one of those exceptional fits of character & actor.  Yes, you can imagine a world in which Tom Selleck traded idol for whip, but that's an offcentered Fringe universe where RC Cola reigns supreme.  No thank you.  The Big Bang Theory recently postulated that the good professor's presence in the narrative achieves absolutely nothing in the plot, but I actually think the futility of the Nazi's scheme adds an extra layer of apocalyptic gloom.  It's not a matter of Indy saving the day, but Indy bearing witness to God's Wrath.  Can't shake it.  Raiders of the Lost Ark is still the all time greatest adventure story.

47 Ronin:  If you're looking for an Asian Adventure with heavy doses of CGI then let me recommend Stephen Chow's Journey To The West.  If you're looking for a few against the many samurai slaughterfest then let me suggest Takashi Miike's 13 Assassins or the obvious Seven Samurai.  But if you're looking for the 47 Ronin saga told exceptionally then you better go with any other dozen retellings such as Kenji Mizoguchi's double feature or even Mike Richardson & Stan Sakai's recent Dark Horse Comic.  Cuz you're not going to want to bother with this one.  This film is nearly as lifeless as Keanu Reeves' performance.  It's a dull flop destined for banishment in the Wal-Mart five dollar bin or the black hole of streaming services.  Maybe some ignorant child will discover a curiosity for the genre after stumbling across it, but that's the best possible future this 47 Ronin can hope for.

21 Jump Street:  "They don't serve vegan in jail, bitch!"  I lost money on this one.  No way did I think a cinematic reboot of a crappy teen beat cop show from the 80s was going to work - especially one fronted by GI Joe's Duke Meathead.  Directors Phil Lord & Christopher Miller obviously enjoy a challenge; coming off a hilarious weirdo adaption of the unadaptable children's classic Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs, they go foul mouthed, meta absurdist, and weirdly violent for the buddy cop genre.  21 Jump Street is too damn odd to be this generations Beverly Hills Cop, but I appreciate the life & death stakes filtered through a gross-out, silly Superbad sensibility.   And Channing Tatum shines with his role.  He's an adorable idiot wandering the world of nerdom and discovering humanity while Jonah Hill descends into assholehood via the cool crowd.  It's a dumb ass movie with brief hints of legit high school commentary.  Something the original show could never claim.

The Other Guys:  Playing with the same Buddy Cop nostalgia as 21 Jump Street, Will Ferrell & Mark Wahlberg are the station house dolts that never walk away from explosions while the world champions the heroics of Sam Jackson & The Rock's Lethal Weapons.  But when aiming of the bushes results in a Wile E Coyote-styled roadkill splat, Ferrell & Wahlberg rise to the challenge of gunkata gymnastics.  Although seemingly impossible, The Other Guys is far stupider than 21 Jump Street, but that's the universe of Will Ferrell, and it's impressive how well Mark Wahlberg inhabits the stupid - "I'm a peacock!!!"  The Bernie Madoff social commentary is welcome even when the actual mechanics of the plot get murky.  You're really just hear to watch Wahlberg torture himself over Ferrell's sexual ownership of Eva Mendes.  "Gator don't take no shit."

Cellular:  Based on a story by Larry Cohen (Hell Up in Harlem), written by Chris Morgan (Fast Five), and directed by David E. Ellis (Snakes on a Plane).  Cellular is actually an extremely entertaining thriller that fully commits to its gimmick.  Chris Evans is dragged all over Los Angeles after he answers an unknown caller, and a weak cell signal keeps him at an arm's distance from William H Macy's savior cop.  It all has something to do with corruption, video tape, and Jason Statham's sneering 5 o'clock shadow.  Sure, Cellular is disposable, but it's the perfect film to catch on TNT.

MST3K - Warrior of the Lost World:  "This isn't Mad Max, it's Sad Max."  The Italians know how to pilfer American Cinema better than most modern day Hollywood Suits, but for every Fistful of Dollars or Django, you get two dozen Warrior of the Lost Worlds.  Doing his best Blofeld, Donald Pleasence rules over a post-apocalyptic wasteland with the doomsday threat of Mega Weapon.  Robert Ginty mumbles his way into the heart of Persis Khambatta, and races through the ashes of exploded henchmen while Fred Williamson's reigns fire from above.  I really can't imagine surviving this movie without the Robot Roll Call, and MST3K feasts upon this horrid buffet with great gusto.  Lots of cheap shots, well played.

Tropa De Elite:  "Put your bad face on."  We're just a month away from Jose Padilha's Robocop remake, and as a means of battling my own anxiety, and thanks to my buddy Darren slapping an import blu-ray in my hand, I finally decided to see if all the fuss about Elite Squad is genuine.  Turns out, this is not the balls-to-the-wall shoot-em-up I had been lead to believe.  Elite Squad is an oppressive cautionary tale destined to keep me the hell out of Rio De Janeiro.  After years of battling unstoppable drug trafficking and corruption, Wagner Moura must find a replacement before his baby is born.  His options are a couple of kids facing their own hurdles in a vile system, and whatever the outcome the resolution seems utterly pointless.  Every Drug War story concludes in futility, but few have achieved such heartbreaking pessimism as Elite Squad.  There is plenty of action here, but I left the film more impressed with Padhila's societal assassination than his shaky-cam.  Hopefully he can retain that awareness for the Robocop.

Animal Man Vol 1 by Grant Morrison & Chas Truog:  I've owned these trade paperbacks for three years.  Only now am I tackling them.  Why did it take so long?  I have no idea.  I guess I was just waiting for Morrison to finish up his Batman run before tackling these supposedly iconic stories.  I think I was also nervous that they couldn't possibly live up to their hype.  Well, I'm happy to report, that the first volume of Animal Man is absolutely, utterly, stupendously fantastic.  And weird as hell.  Just the way I like my Morrison.  In the first four issues, stuntman Buddy Baker finally decides that its time to come out of retirement and embrace his mind-bendingly strange animal powers.  He can suck the life essence from any creature in his presence - meaning a bird above can give him flight or an earthworm below can help him regenerate a severed limb.  When he's hired by S.T.A.R. Labs to investigate a giant puddle of monkey meat, Buddy Baker comes face-to-face with an even grosser lost hero of the DC Universe - B'Wana Beast!!!!!  It's an epic clash of the "Oh Dear God" and it's a sobering warning to any reader not ready for Grant Morrison.  This is the deep end kiddies, time to get nuts.  The next issue is a one-shot look into God's Lonely Man, Wile E. Coyote.  Yep, you read that right.  No Looney Tunes character is safe.  You also get the apocalyptic art of Hawkworld, a super villain satirizing of Edgar Allen Poe, and a home invasion from Mirror Master.  Those looking for Superman should take a hike.  I've had a few things spoiled for me, but my understanding is that Morrison's Animal Man only gets better and more bizarre in the next volume.  Can't wait.

--Brad

"It's Out There In The Ether..." - The Death of Superman Lives Teaser Trailer

Geeks love a good What If story.  What If Conan The Barbarian death wished the streets of Modern Day New York City?  What If Rick James became The Hulk instead of Bruce Banner?  What If Tim Burton had cast Nicolas Cage as Superman?  As most of you should know, that last one came very close to a reality in the late 1990s.  Kevin Smith was one of the many screenwriters on the project, and for the longest time his College Crowd Chit Chat was the only glimpse we had into the madness of Superman Lives.  Until now.  Thanks to the all mighty power of Kickstarter, director Jon Schnepp has finally assembled The Death of "Superman Lives."  The below teaser trailer promises an in-depth look at what that fabled film could have been, as well as philosophical debates with some of the Man of Steel's greatest living comic book contributors.  Grant Morrison, Mark Waid, Zachary Levi - uh...not sure why Chuck's involved, but cool!  Despite some newsreel footage of Cage, Schnepp has yet to land an interview with the mega actor, but if he manages to do so, than The Death of "Superman Lives" will skyrocket to the top of my most anticipated films.

--Brad

Opening Credits - Beware The Batman

Below you can watch the first few seconds that will open every episode of the upcoming Beware The Batman cartoon.  I am very curious, and rather skeptical about this CGI incarnation, but I dig the red shade of the credits and the attempt at shadow & noir.  Battling villains like Professor Pyg & Mister Toad, this Batman is going for the serous rather than the comic book goof of The Brave & The Bold.



--Brad

Brad's Week in Dork! (6/9/13-6/15/13)

I spent most of this week in my PJs, or at least cinematically wrapped in spandex.  Man of Steel marks Warner Brothers desperate attempt to capture that Marvel magic.  The company has been raking in Bat-Dollars, but they have yet to establish a superhero cinematic universe.  Stinkers like Green Lantern, Jonah Hex, and Catwoman portray a studio with its thumb stuck up its collective asses; a boardroom of nimrod headscratchers utterly baffled by the success of Disney's Avengers Assemblage.   Enter Zack Snyder, fresh off his disastrous snoozefest Sucker Punch, and just as equal to prove himself as the suits dropping him at the helm.  At its very least, Man of Steel throws a punch and delivers a level of action not yet seen cinematically from our boy blue.

Last year with the release of the blu ray box set, I revisited the Richard Donner Superman films, and I was saddened to discover that my nostalgia was not strong enough to battle the goof of Gene Hackman or the WTF of Supes's random, do-whats-needed Kryptonian powers.  Once I believed a man could fly, now I'm just simply charmed by the joyous energy of Christopher Reeve.  His back & forth performance nearly reaches the height of Frank Quietly's presto-changeo transformative design.  He achieves with a voice and a head tilt what no other actor ever bothered with before or since (oh, Brandon Routh...you tried...that's admirable...).  At the very least, what I pull from the Donner films is the loss of Christopher Reeve's talent.  He found stardom in a cape, nearly reached the stars agin with Deathtrap, but never could quite escape the shadow of the icon.  Reeve will always be Kal-El.  And Routh will always be his shadow.  Can Henry Cavil makes a career from the Man of Steel?  Maybe.  But I have my doubts.  He's certainly no Reeve, but is the world more willing to let actors shed their characters?  I'm still waiting for Chris Pine, Chris Hemsworth, and Chris Evans (that's a lot of Chrises!) to grow beyond their franchises.

There was other non-Kryptonian fun to be had this week.  Year 2 of our Ultimate Justice League of Extraordinary Book Club started with a tie-in Graphic Novel classic, All-Star Superman.  Some did not see the light, but I reevaluated my Top Ten Comics of All Time to include this masterful celebration of superheroics.  Grant Morrison & Frank Quitely deliver a revelation for the Man of Steel.  The Wife & I ventured into DC to see Marc Maron at the Sixth & I Synagogue.  A unique venue perfectly suited for the troubled rants of the WTF podcaster.  I struggled through the first season of The X-Files and witnessed the year's worst film On Demand...Black Rock....yeash.  But I also possibly saw my favorite film of the year......gulp, This Is The End. Really!?!?!? I enjoyed that film more than Iron Man 3 or Furious 6 or Before Midnight or Side Effects? Well, it's been a pretty bland year so far. A lot of decent stuff, but no real GREAT movies. This Is The End is certainly the film I had the most fun while watching. Super stupid. Happily offensive.  Joyously ignorant.  God Damn Funny.  Is it art?  Yeah.  Allow it.

Action Comics Volume 2 - Bulletproof:  This is not All-Star Superman.  And that's its greatest fault.  Not fair to judge a writer's current work to his absolute best, but All-Star's shadow is large and it cast a dark shade over everything found in Grant Morrison's New 52 work.  There are some solid moments to be found - "The Boy Who Stole Superman's Cape" and the elseworld adventures of President Superman - however, this second volume of Action Comics is just too disjointed to get on board.  And when halfway through the hardcover Grant Morrison disappears and we're tortured with mediocre backup stories.  Not cool DC.  Volume 1 was a meh.  Volume 2 is an easy pass.

Superman - The Movie:  How many times have I watched this film?  50?  100?  It certainly didn't define my childhood the way Star Wars or even Arnold Schwarzenegger did, but I can't remember a time when I was unaware of Christopher Reeve's Superman.  I remember my recorded VHS copy littered with filthy commercials eventually snapping under the strain of rewind.  I remember loving Superman's final subway assault on Lex Luthor's underground bunker.  I remember blushing at the bounce of Miss Teschmacher's cleavage.  Yowza.  As stated above, last year's blu ray rewatch tainted the childhood memory a bit.  I just can't handle Gene Hackman & Ned Beaty's goofy duo routine.  They feel false.  Superman falling for the lead box scheme is certainly lame.  And Margot Kidder's Lois Lane grates the nerves as cinema's whiniest damsel in distress...and her flygirl inner monologue?  Just gross.  A year later, revisiting the film with Man of Steel barreling down upon us, I still feel the pang of Hackman & Kidder.  They just don't work for me.  Christopher Reeve on the other hand?  The guy is just golden as Clark.  His midwest act is hilarious, and you realize what a perfect disguise it is for these big city Metropolis bozos - especially when Lois can't bare to pull her eyes from the typewriter.  And then he turns into the upright Superman.  He's all deep voice and barrel chest.  It's a great performance, and it's the reason the film has lasted in the memories of fanboys&girls. It's also the reason Superman continues in the public consciousness even when the comic book has sucked the life out of the character for decades.  Wal-Mart sells shirts cuz of this guy.

Superman II:  Ten years ago, Superman II would have landed in my Top Ten Comic Book Movies of all time list.  Either we've been blessed with far greater product, or I've finally pulled my head from the sand because I just hated it this go around.  Sure, I still love Terrance Stamp's beardy scenery chewing and his demand for kneeling.  And Christopher Reeve is utterly fantastic for all the reasons stated above.  But what is going on with this nutty powerloss story?  On one hand we've got Zod & his jumpsuit gang tearing apart middle America, and on the other we have the horrendously dull Niagara falls romance.  The American Way is burning to ashes and Superman is crying in a diner cuz a garbage eating truck driver just gave him a bloody nose.  The mid reel is painfully long and embarrassing to the character.  And the Fortress of Solitude powerloss machine is just as infuriating and laughable as Supes's time travel spin from the first film.  Also, what exactly are the Kryptonian powers?  Flight.  X-Ray Vision.  Super Strength.  Heat Ray.  Ok.  Got it.  Um....levitation...finger lasers....teleportation....S Logo Nets.....WHAT - THE - HELL?  The screenplay treats its audience as children.  And for the most part we ate it up.  But I'm done chowing down on Superman II.  I'm sure I'll continue to revisit the first film, but Donner's bastard boy is no longer for me.  Yes, even The Limey Zod can't keep me.

Marc Maron @ Sixth and I:  "Jews Are Special!"  On Tuesday night, The Wife & I ventured into Washington DC's Chinatown to see stand-up & podcaster extraordinaire Marc Maron read from his new essay collection, Attempting Normal.  I have never before seen anyone at the Sixth & I's historic synagogue, and it turns out to be a fantastic venue for something of this nature.  Sure, it's a little odd when Maron is ranting about how you don't need god to get sober when the Star of David hangs above his head, but the irony was not lost on him and he seemed to revel in it.  Maron shared the joys & horrors of the road, got personal about his father, and reminded the audience of the importance of Thanksgiving.  Marc Maron's talent rests in his ability to pull the crowd into the act.  This was not a simple dry reading like the dozens of Bestseller bouts I've experienced in the past.  He would read a little, ask a question to the crowd, offer a little commentary, and continue on with the essay.  Basically a Special Edition DVD experience of his book.  Very cool.

The X-Files - Season One:  This was probably the first television show that I ever obsessed over, but I had not revisited it since the final episode aired...well, with the exception of that horrid cinematic sequel  - yikes!  I quickly discovered that I couldn't binge watch The X-Files in the same manner as BSG, or Lost, or even Magnum P.I.  This show is wonky.  The chemistry between David Duchovny & Gillian Anderson is there from the pilot episode, but Chris Carter's antics are not nearly as thrilling as I once thought.  And there is a whole hell of a lot of filler in these 24 episodes.  I could not possibly care less about mysteries-of-the-week like "The Jersey Devil," "Ghost in the Machine," or "Fire."  So many of these concepts have been explored before in literature and film and often The X-Files can't even scratch the surface of what made the original material interesting.  That's not to say there's not good stuff here cuz there most certainly is - "Squeeze," "EVE," "Beyond the Sea," & "Darkness Falls" all offer up some pretty decent scares mixed with solid character work.  But I remember this show better.  And I'm hoping the next season shines brighter than this dull beginning.

Black Rock:  Wow.  Just wow.  I'm not sure what's worse - the utterly boring execution of a totally unoriginal screenplay, or the heinous scream acting of its three leads.  Whichever offense wins, the audience most certainly looses.  Kate Bosworth tricks her two bickering friends (Kate Aselton & Lake Bell) into a camping excursion on a remote island off the Maine coast.  There they encounter high school chums turned combat vets turned rapists.  Last House on the Left shenanigans occur from there - rocks in faces, sexual deviance at gunpoint, blah, blah, blah.  Black Rock is just the very worst of Final Girl exploitation, and just confused enough to believe itself empowering.  Wrong.

Superman Unbound:  Loosely based on Geoff Johns' Brainiac storyarc from Action Comics, this latest direct-to-dvder from DC Studios is simply fairly forgettable fluff.  The evil Kryptonian computer comes to Earth in an effort to dissect & bottle humanity; Superman gets all self-righteous before doing his whole smashing bit.  It's hard to believe that this studio can put out something as innovating & stunning as The Dark Knight Returns and The New Frontier, but still stoop to such a sophomoric snooze.  And I gotta wonder why Superman Beyond is sooooo free with the blood?  Brainiac is punching tentacles through skulls, gore splashing across the screen.  The story is too kiddy or simple to support the violence, and Lois Lane flipping Brainiac the bird is just silly.  This film feels very 90s; it belongs polybagged and wrapped in a chromium cover, read once, and put away for good.

Superman Unchained #1:  Speaking of the 90s....Scott Snyder & Jim Lee team up to revolutionize the Man of Steel just in time for his new movie.  Well, it's not terrible.  Someone or something is hurtling satellites towards Earth.  Supes goes up to space to smash.  But what does it all have to do with the nuclear destruction of Nagasaki?  Has the U.S. Government been secreting away it's own super human project for the past 75 years?  Well, of course it has!  I can't really hate on this issue, but it certainly failed to excite me.  Hopefully Snyder has some tricks up his sleeve because as nice as it is too gaze upon Jim Lee's art, that is certainly not enough to keep my interest.

Batman #21:  Scott Snyder & Greg Capullo's year long origin story starts here, and similar to Superman Uncahined, it's a wait and see situation.  I've said it before and I'm afraid I gotta say it again, Scott Snyder has pretty much lost me since the conclusion of The Court of Owls, and I'm afraid a Frank Miller Year One rehash is not enough to impassion my Bat-Nostalgia.  If Zero Year delves deeper into the mysterious dread of Gotham City's past than that might be a fun way to develop what was started with The Court, however, I'm worried this is just going to be another evil mastermind scheme.  The big bad revealed on the last pages here is not the shocker or the draw to boost my confidence in Snyder's dwindling run.  We will see...

This Is The End:  "Fuck Your House Franco!!!"  It sorta puzzles my noggin, but the pothead stoner comedy of Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg seriously pulverizes my funny bone.  They did it before with Pineapple Express & Your Highness, and they do it again with this happily hateful satirization of Hollywood.  During James Franco's batshit-out-of-control housewarming party Revelation strikes and the narcissistic celebrities are left behind to face the Apocalypse.  We're talking sinkholes, burning Hollywood Hills, Old Scratch & his seven heads.  It's all in the title.  Seth Rogen & Jay Baruchel struggle with friendship as James Franco protects his hipster art from Danny McBride's uncontrollable masturbation.  Craig Robinson stands guard with his Teddy Bear flashlight Terrance Peterson, but Jonah Hill uses faith as a weapon only to pay the ultimate price - Rosemary's Baby style!  This Is The End is a gross, painful, stupid, and gleefully offensive religious assault.  Simply the most fun I've had at the movies this year.

All-Star Superman:  "You have given them an ideal to aspire to, embodied their highest aspirations.  They will race, and stumble, and fall and crawl and curse...and finally...they will join you in the sun, Kal-El."  Spoken by his father Jor-El, the above passage comes late in the graphic novel, but gets right to the heart of the character in a way that no other writer has ever come close to scratching.  As Matt stated in his review, Superman is not better than us, but he represents the potential of the human race.  He may have had good Kryptonion breeding, but it's his midwestern Apple Pie youth that shapes him into the concrete slab of morality we all admire.  With All-Star Superman, Grant Morrison & Frank Quitely plunge the depths of the 75 year old character and reach a final mission statement by exploring the end of Superman.  Along the way they celebrate the crazy of classic comics (Lois Lane - Super Woman! Atlas & Samson vs the Ultra Sphinx!  Doomsday Jimmy!  Zibarro the Bizarro Poet!) that will either alienate new readers or draw them in to the massive but joyful decades of continuity.  I've read All-Star Superman a half dozen time now, and it's safe to say that it ranks at the very top of my All Time Favorite Comics.  It is a classic, and the ultimate Superman experience.

Superman Returns:  "I'm always around."  I think it's pretty obvious that Bryan Singer's relaunch is too in love with Richard Donner's original film.  As fun as it is to hear John Williams's score or Marlon Brando's Jor-El, Superman Returns can never break free from the memory of a better movie.  And yes, Donner's Superman is far superior to this retread.  Obviously, a big problem is that Supes never throws a punch.  He lifts some stuff.  He bounces some bullets off his chest.  He flies real fast.  But that's about it.  Mostly he spends the film being super oogie creepy as he peeps in on Lois Lane & family.  Brandon Routh sure cuts a strong Christopher Reeve profile, but he's given very little to perform.  Kevin Spacey channels too much of the Hackman's Luthor, hamming his way through yet another real estate scheme. There really is only one moment to cherish, and that's Eve Marie Saint helplessly attempting to be near her son Clark as he lies poisoned in a hospital bed.  That's the closest this film comes to plucking a heartstring.

All Star Superman:  "It's time to get serious about killing Superman."  Stripping away a lot of the crazy side stories, and struggling to maintain the philosophy of Grant Morrison's original novel, the All-Star Superman animated film succeeds more often than if flounders.  Lex Luthor boobytraps a mission to explore the sun, and successful poisons Superman's cellular structure.  Supes has one year to live, and he must attempt to leave the planet Earth in strong standing as well as say goodbye to the one woman he's ever loved.  There is still plenty of heart and morality in the film, but there's no fooling that this is first and foremost an action cartoon.  The Parasite prison breakout is certainly the hightlight, but I'm also stunned at how well they were able to pull off the climactic world eater battle.  Not quite the genius of the comic book, but All-Star Superman still feels like the most solid adaptation of the character.

Watchmen:  I am an Alan Moore fan.  I read comics, so I have to be.  However, I've never been than much of a Watchmen freak.  Frankly, I'll take From Hell, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Tom Strong, Promethea, and Swamp Thing any day over Watchmen.  Blashpemy you say...oh well.  That is until I saw Zack Snyder's film.  Yes, I did not appreciate the story until I saw it on the big screen.  There is a coldness to the performances as well as Snyder's fetishizing camera, but it all pretty much fits the tone of Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons' post-modern sendup.  Jackie Earl Haley's Rorschach is probably the easiest performance to love, his guttural "Hurms" of contempt almost as pleasurable as the dead delivery in which he dispatches justice.  With each new Silver Screen Superhero we see, Watchmen becomes more and more relevant.  Double Bill this with Joss Whedon's The Avengers and you've gotta a helluva night.  It's still a hate letter directed at Thatcher/Reagan politics, but it's nice (or utterly depressing) to see that these issues are still ripe for ribbing to this day.  And I don't miss the Squid.  Fanboys go on raving, but Snyder's ending feels sound with the setting he erected.  After Watchmen, Snyder could have made ten more Sucker Punches, and I would have been perfectly happy with his career.

Superman vs. The Elite:  This short film attempts to address the godhood of Superman, and the consequence of his heroics.  A punk rock super being known as Manchester Black is tired of giving bad guys second chances.  How many times can Lex Luthor break out of jail and kill dozens of people before Superman drops him in a volcano.  Black is disgusted by Kal-El's snooty ethics, and with the aide of his mutant goonsquad, he's gonna right Big Blue's wrongs.  There is an interesting idea here, and I would be curious to read the source material.  However, the film itself is far too banal.  The animation boring.  The voice work tepid.  About the only aspect of this movie that I liked was the opening credits seen below.  Silly punk rock.

Man of Steel:  "This Man Is Not Our Enemy."  There is a lot to enjoy about this Christopher Nolan Production of a Zack Snyder Film.  The opening twenty minutes are a sci-fi feast of Krypton.  This is not the Ice Castle set of the Donner film or the CG mystery of television's Smallville.  David Goyer's script establishes an alien landscape with its own government, status structure, and wildlife.  Russell Crowe's Jor-El is a desperate scientist beating upon the arrogant certitude of his people.  The Birth of Kal-El is as important to the Krypton people as it will most obviously be for the citizens of Earth.  These are ideas explored previously in the comics, but will most likely come as huge surprises for modern movie going audiences.   Jor-El's final moments with his wife & son before the rocket launches into space are heartthumping, and I was moved to tears before the prologue could even finish.

Screenwriter Goyer pretty much mimics the structure he used so well in Batman Begins, hopping from Clark Kent's present day hoboing to his childhood farmland memories.  If it ain't broke don't fix it, and I appreciated the loose storytelling as opposed to the A to B origin building.  However, my problems start to arise with The Kents.  Kevin Costner's Pa is another strong father figure and he mirrors well with Crowe's space daddy, but I found his fear - or distrust - of man to be unsettling.  Pa Kent is The American Way.  His staunch ethics and middle American nature should instill a faith in humanity not dread.  And his inevitable end handled in the film robs Clark of the lesson of human frailty.  It's a Marvel Comics moment, an Uncle Ben, and not the big universe idea of DC Comics.

Whereas the last cinematic adventure was afraid to throw a punch, Man of Steel is almost all action.  From the moment Michael Shannon's Zod arrives on Earth, Superman is caught in one fiery explosion or another.  Smallville, IHOP, and Metropolis have never seen so much devastation...in fact, has an American city ever been as punished as much as Metropolis is here in Man of Steel's final moments?  A lot has been made of the destruction, but honestly, other than it droning on for a bit too long, I really enjoyed seeing two super beings bash the living hell out of one another.  If two creatures of this godlike strength ever came into contact with each other, our cities would certainly crumble.  It's a politically correct post-9/11 world, but at the end of the day, this is just a movie and Comic Book flicks demand Comic Book Destruction. But maybe Superman, you could hold off your Lois Lane smooches until you step out of the crater made from human ash.

Warner Brothers & Zach Snyder are certainly in love with Nolan's Dark Knight trilogy.  The director apes a lot of that film's style and goes a little too crazy with the handheld photography.  But if you pop a couple of dramamine, your body will eventually adjust to the woozy movement, and you might even find yourself enjoying the digital theatrics of Superman's punch-ups.  It's long, and there are quibbles to be had for folks who obsess over spandex, but I'll allow Man of Steel the title of best live-action Superman film (All-Star, yer still tops).

300:  "Tell Xerxes that he faces free men here!"  I was so taken aback by Zack Snyder's Paul Greengrass turnaround in Man of Steel that I wanted to return to the film that made him the mockery of hipster haters everywhere.  I so love Frank Miller's 300.  It's jingoistic, absurdly exploitative, historically embarrassing, and utterly entertaining.  And Snyder shoots it warts and all.  Gerard Butler is the proud King Leonidas, ruler of the Spartan people, defier of false gods, and champion messenger punter.  Everyone involved refuses to bat an eye.  300 succeeds because it's earnest almost up to the point of hilarity, and it's one of the few films to use cgi as an artistic choice rather than an escape route.

JAWS 3D:  "You're talking about some damn shark mother?!?!"  Steven Speilberg's JAWS is one of my all time favorite films (number 5 to be precise), and it's the blockbuster turning point that paved the way for Transformers & Battleships.  But before we could get to the current summer climate, we all had to suffer through the bastardization known as the Jaws sequels.  Seriously, is there a worst film franchise out there?  I dare you to pit The Texas Chainsaw Massacres against Jaws - The Revenge or this beautifully wretched 3D excursion.  Of course, that being said, I had an absolute blast at The Alamo Draft House last week.  Chomping down on Fish & Chips while basking in the Sea World glory of the Spanish Galleon was a real hoot.  Dennis Quaid is a rather impotent leading man struggling to steal the frame from a pair of dolphins (don't worry, he does better in Dreamscape & Inner Space), and Louis Gossett Jr holds a cut like his life depends on it...which it most certainly does!  The very notion that this is the fishy runoff of the perfect popcorn confection that launched America's most beloved filmmaker is completely baffling.

Flex Mentallo - Man of Muscle Mystery:  "Acid, all day, every day...."  I think to fully appreciate this graphic novel you need to also read Grant Morrison's comic book history lesson, Supergods.  I certainly didn't understand this drug fueled nightmare of funny pages insanity until I experienced Morrison's peyote awakening in the outskirts of Nepal.  Flex Mentallo is a fictionalized icon of the four color form who sometimes breaks into our reality when his suicidal creator slips into coma rants.  Yeah, I don't know what that means either.  Flex is our "Hero of the Beach," an Atlas strongman investigating the reappearance of an old chum simply known as The Fact.  Along the way he senses the hand of his creator, discovers the pleasures of spandex sex bars, and contemplates complex issues of gender & sexuality after being exposed to Pink Mentallium...Yeah, this ain't your daddy's comics.

Your Highness:  Danny McBride's pothead appreciation for shitty 80s fantasy films a la Barbarian Queen, The Warrior & The Sorceress, Death Stalker, and Death Stalker 2.  And I love it.  Which seems to be the minority opinion, but all you haters out there obviously don't understand the subtleties of horrendous ADR ("Jumping!") or "Punch & Twist" puppets.  James Franco has never been more dense or adorable as McBride's much beloved brother Prince Fabious, and I'll take this dimwitted nimrod any day over Blockbuster paychecks like Oz The Great & Powerful or Rise of the Planet of the Apes.  Not sure what Natalie Portman is doing in this movie, but she does add to the overall absurdity to the film, and her theatrical delivery of potty mouth insults makes schoolboys giggle.  And let's not forget the confidence of a good butt shot, putting many an ass in seat.  Like their other collaborations, Your Highness is joyfully dumb and gleefully violent.  But it's a special brand of base fanboy humor that I certainly endorse.  So, grab your Blade of Unicorn & swing for the Minotaur's johnson!

Shoot First, Die Later:  Fernando De Leo enjoys the pain and absurdity of violence.  He's Italian.  They know how to do death.  Shoot First, Die Later is the story of good cop turned vigilante after the mob attempts to hook him into their payrole.  That old tune.  It succeeds in its perverse enjoyment of violence, and manages to up the ante with each gonzo set piece.  None of these actors are taking home the SAG award, but Luc Merenda has mastered the stern face and when he sets his sights on his gangster prey you believe his passion for strangleholds.  This film is getting a lot of love on the internet these days, but I don't think it's as punishing or as delightful as De Leo's Live Like A Cop, Die Like A Man, which was released earlier last year.

--Brad