New Release Tuesday! (9/18/12)

Oh boy.  This week is gonna be hard on the wallet.  I've already snatched up the Indy box set and as I type I'm halfway through the third film.  So dang good.  But this week also offers up one of this year's best films, some classic Mario Bava, the best film in the Halloween franchise, High Def Ed Wood, and The Winchester Brothers.  Frankly, this is all Must Buy stuff for me but if yer only going to go with one purchase this week you already know it's gotta be --

MUST BUY DVD OF THE WEEK!

Indiana Jones Blu Ray Box Set:  Watching the films this very second, I gotta say that the transfer is not the mind blowing experience that was the Jaws disc from a few weeks back.  Still, Raiders of the Lost Ark & Temple of Doom are absolutely gorgeous looking movies.  Not to mention that the Indy movies (yes, including Kingdom of the Crystal Skull--shut up, haters) are some of the best examples of Adventure Cinema going.  Harrison Ford's Dr. Jones was probably my first cinematic role model.  Sure, my first love was the Star Wars trilogy but as a kid the guy I wanted to grow up to be was Indiana Jones.  Cool.  Rough.  Did the right thing, but wasn't afraid to shoot a guy when his back was up against a wall.  And yeah, a little fortune & glory would be nice.

BUY!

Halloween III - Season of the Witch:  This might be blasphemy to some and a few of you might jump ship at the following thought, but Halloween III is the best of the franchise.  You heard me, forget the John Carpenter original.  I like my pumpkin holiday with a heavy dose of sex machine Tom Atkins and mind warping druidic television commercials.  Season of the Witch is a weird, weird, really freaking weird addition to the Halloween saga and I really wish it had been a success so that we could have been gifted with a whole series of Twilight Zoney flicks rather than the endlessly bland resurrections of Michael Myers' stab-a-thons.

Cabin in the Woods:  I'm not sure I totally buy the hype with this flick, but at the same time Cabin in the Woods is still one of the best films of the year so far (queue ITMOD bitching about what a crappy year 2012 has been).  Joss Whedon's script is very Joss Whedony and I'm not even sure if that annoys me anymore in these post-AVENGERS IS THE GREATEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD days.  If I had any complains about this film is that the Horror Elements are not nearly as effective as the wink-wink comedic bits.

Supernatural Season 7:  Not my favorite season of the show.  In fact, it might be my least favorite season so far.  Lots of good humor and action from the boys but the whole Leviathan plot never quite gelled in the same fashion that the War in Heaven did.  But where do you go once you've stopped the Apocalypse?  But they still make me squeal and I'll keep watching until its finally cancelled.

Black Sunday:  One of three Bava flicks hitting blu ray today, Black Sunday is the quintessential Italian Horror mashing the queen of scream Barbara Steele with the intoxicating camera of Bava.  Surreal, diabolic, intoxicating.  It's been a few years since I've had the pleasure and I'm quite looking forward to wrapping myself in the grip of Bava's HD Iron Maiden.

Judge Dredd:  Ok.  Yeah.  This sucks.  Rob Schneider...damn, you are the worst thing to happen to 2000 AD.  And the helmet comes off and stays off and that's horrendously offensive to Euro Comic fans.  But, at the same time, Judge Dredd movie!!!!  Even in the great franchise grab of the 1990s (ha! as if there's an end in sight!) the idea of a Judge Dredd movie was freakishly unreal--and we're getting another one this very month!  Wow.  The Stallone flick is only 10 bucks on blu and it's worth that, a good dip into Mega City One before we hopefully get the genius of Karl Urban's lawgiver.

Ed Wood:  Man, it's so easy to hate on Tim Burton these days.  Charlie & The Chocolate Factory.  Alice in Wonderland.  Dark Shadows.  Terrible.  But once upon a time, Tim Burton was one of my favorite directors and Ed Wood is his masterpiece.  Burton drenches this film with love and affection, and this allows you a window into the beauty of trash filmmaking.  You don't mock Ed Wood, you cherish his enthusiasm, you admire his tenacity.  You don't feel sorry for him, you envy him.  Lovable little weirdo.  And yep, Johnny Depp has never been better.


RENT!

The Babymakers:  "The Jizz is up."  Groan.  Olivia Munn.  Double groan.  However, The Babymakers is directed by two members of the Broken Lizard gang and after my rewatch of The Slammin Salmon  I've been craving their obscene brand of oddball comedy.

The Victim:  Michael Biehn directs himself and his wife in this backwoods horror story and as much as I'm in the mood for the mean, axe swinging butchery of grizzled Michael Biehn the trailer for The Victim looks mediocre at best.  And I have not heard good things.  But, dammit, this is Navy Seals here.  He can do no wrong. ... ... ... Look, I've already admitted that I enjoy Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, that Halloween III is better than the John Carpenter classic, and I have an unhealthy affection for Sam & Dean Winchester, so I might as well go all out and say that Navy Seals is a helluva good time at the movies.

--Brad

A Fistful of Sailors! (Brad's Picks)

So...it's been three weeks since The Avengers...and the follow up Summer Blockbusters have been Dark Shadows and Battleship...anyone excited about those?  Not me.  I'm somewhat curious about Battleship...it's got Liam Neeson in it afterall, but we know he's gonna bite it fifteen minutes into the flick and John Carter is gonna have to take control....snooze.  Sure, Peter Berg is supposedly the son of a Naval historian and he's gone out of his way to accurately depict these alien war game shenanigans but that's not gonna mean a damn thing once Rihanna sucks up the screen with her tough girl act.  Besides, I still say the best movie Peter Berg has ever been attached to is Shocker--yeah, you heard me!

Sooooooo anyway, below is my list of the five Navy Men who could wipe the floor with Taylor Kitsch.

5.  Casey Ryback (Under Siege):  Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey never had a chance against this former Navy Seal turned Cook and his amazing slap fighting.  And if you're a Playboy playmate trapped inside a cake for four or five hours, you will not be able to resist his bacon greased voice.  Yes, Under Siege is a not-so-subtle rehash of Die Hard, but as far as ripoffs go, it's a whole lotta goofy fun.  And it's one of Steven Segal's best efforts.

4.  Shipwreck (GI Joe: A Real American Hero):  Ok.  So Shipwreck was always one of my least favorite Joes as a kid.  And there rarely seems a need for him to pop up with his parrot and his salty sea metaphors.  But dammit, when Cobra took to the water there was no better man to man the 14"/50 caliber gun.

3.  Lieutenant Coffey (The Abyss):  Man, I was really tempted to pick Michael Biehn's Lt. Curran from Navy Seals but even I have a hard time justifying that wonderful bit of madness.  So I'm gonna go with his psychotic Seal from James Cameron's adventure under the sea.  Whew.  That mustache.  So damn scary.

2.  Buddusky (The Last Detail):  My dad did 20 years in the Navy.  I remember being a kid and asking him what movie portrayed the Navy in a true manner and his response was Hal Ashby's The Last Detail.  I was 14 or 15 when I rented it.  And it blew my mind.  Could my Dad have behaved like this? Could he have been a part of the demented B.S. witnessed in this horror show?  To this day, I find The Last Detail to be an incredibly disturbing film for that reason alone.  But it's been 15 years since I've seen it.  Maybe it's not as troubling as I remember.  And maybe I could understand Jack Nicholson's character a little better.  I don't know...

1.  Quint (Jaws):  Sometimes around here, it seems like it always goes back to JAWS.  But when you're talking badass seamen how can Quint not be at the top of the list?  Having survived the horrors of the war aboard the doomed USS Indianapolis, Quint meets his fate aboard his own vessel hacking at Death with a machete and screaming his hate into the belly of the beast.  Are you going to tell me that the crew of this weekend's Battleship could muster up such a feat?  Doubtful.

--Brad

Michael Biehn: Space Marine, Navy Seal, Grindhouse Sheriff...Director???

"You're So Cool."

As a budding adolescent, Michael Biehn was the King of Cool.  Arnold Schwarzenegger was the Action Hero to end all Action Heroes, but it was Michael Biehn that I wanted to become as an adult.  The Terminator, Aliens, Navy Seals--that trilogy felt like real machismo to the wistful child growing up in front of the television.

Horrorfind 2008, such an awkward photo.  50 Bucks Please

Biehn was sorta non-existent in the 90s.  Solid supporting roles in Tombstone, Jade, The Rock and let's not forget the short-lived Magnificent Seven television show.  But the man never quite made it to the level of fame that this idol worshiper was expecting, or hoping.  Recently, he delivered a great turn in the Planet Terror segment of Grindhouse and it now looks like he's written & directed a movie.  Watch the trailer:

Hmmmmm...okay.  Doesn't look that great.  But I love that "What Are You Yelling At Me For!" kick Biehn does at the halfway point and if his buttkicker role is large enough then this film might be somewhat enjoyable.  Fingers crossed as always.  If you want to see a NSFW version click on over to IGN.

--Brad