Matt’s Week in Dork! (8/26/12-9/1/12)

    Ouch.  Not my best week.  A week to crawl into a corner and lick wounds.  Which I did, and as it’s me, there was a movie playing the whole time.

Die Nibelungen- Kriemhild’s Revenge:  Right off the bat, this movie had more Huns in it than I was expecting.  Kriemhild’s quest for vengeance against the dirtbags who literally stabbed her husband in the back takes her into the tent of Attila.  OK.  There’s a lot of talk about loyalty in this, and the ‘loyal German soul.’  But everything could be solved if everyone just handed over the betraying murderer of Siegfried and of a baby.  I mean, he’s a scumbag and needs to die.  Frankly, the king should have put him down like a dog himself.  Forget loyalty, man.  It’s a two way street.  There comes a point where you have to realize that some people bring ruin upon themselves, and the only thing to do is step aside and let nature take its course.  Where was all this talk of loyalty while this baby killing/Siegfried stabber was working with a foreign queen to betray the king, his sister, and his best friend?  Now it’s supposed to be heroic to stand at such a piece of crap’s defense?  Forget that.  Almost all the really good stuff is in the first half of the first film.  This movie feels like an extended afterthought.

The Bourne Identity:  Jason, would you please stop throwing away guns!  When a super-soldier has a brain glitch and wakes up in the Mediterranean, he’s got to figure out who he is, what he’s been up to, and who wants him dead.  I never thought much of the idea of Matt Damon as an action hero, but he pulls it off competently here.  The movie isn’t some kind of game changer.  It’s not amazing.  But it’s a solid action thriller with a good cast and plenty of exotic locations.  If I’m ever shot twice in the back and fished out of the ocean with a bad case of the amnesia, I hope Franka Potente is the fist chick I run into.

The Bourne Supremacy:  I enjoy these films.  I do.  But this one has one pet peeve of mine right off the bat.  Scriptwriters seem at a loss when it comes to writing couples, especially in action films, so when Bourne’s lady made it through the first film there were two ways it would play out.  Either she’d be ignored and forgotten in the next movie (see the Bond franchise), or she’d be killed off in the first few minutes.  Getting past that, this movie is more of the same action packed espionage.  Solid, fast paced action with plenty of twists and turns.  Sadly, it is part of the modern school of shaky-cam action.  Not as bad as many, but still, is a tripod that expensive?

The Bourne Ultimatum:  Jason Bourne is back, being chased by shaky-cams and a who’s who of art-house/character actors.  More layers of the onion are pealed back, to reveal yet more interesting actors.  If you enjoyed the first two films, there’s plenty more of what they had.  Again, not breaking a lot of new ground in the spy/action thriller genre, but perfectly fine.  I feel like there’s some kind of direction they could take this series in that would be really interesting (not sure what it would be), but having seen the fourth film (without Damon), it seems they’ll keep doing much the same stuff.  There’s potential here, but I think we’ll get workmanlike entries for years to come, which isn’t bad, just not great.

Terror is a Man:  Yet another not very good movie inspired by H.G. Wells’ novel The Island of Dr. Moreau.  It’s boring and not very well made.  The bottle blond bimbo is weird, and the lead gives off a serious creeper vibe.  Sadly, this movie never comes close to living up to its potential.  It’s just dull.

The Flesh Eaters:  “I can assure you, we are in for a good pounding.”  It starts out promising, with a seriously cute girl losing her top (before getting eaten by oil?).  Straight out of Long Island, yo.  After landing on one of those mysterious, uninhabited islands just outside of New York City, our intrepid adventurers come across some weird trouble.  And that’s just the local marine biologist.  This movie is kind of awesome.  It’s very weird, with some strange characters and dialog, but it’s strangely charming and charmingly strange.

Conan the Barbarian:  “Crom.  I have not prayed to you before.  I have no tongue for it.  No one, not even you will remember why we fought, why we died.  What matters is that two stood against many.  That’s what’s important.”  Though the details of his origin are frustratingly wrong for this Robert E. Howard fan, this still stands as one of the best films ever made.  Yup.  Said it.  Great music, great production design, some really kick-ass fights.  Like some of my favorite films, it takes its time and doesn’t fill space with needless talk.  Though I still hope not, I expect that this will remain the closest thing to Howard’s stories we’ll ever see.  No camp, serious, and quality.  Arnold doesn’t say much, but when he does, it’s spot-on.  James Earl Jones makes a scary villain.

Doctor Who: Planet of Fire:  One of the best looking episodes since the height of Tom Baker’s run, it also feels a bit grander, more ambitious.  Good sets and great location shooting.  I guess that’s a good thing for one of the final Peter Davison stories.  It also introduces Peri, a woman of rather startling dimension(s).  I was also psyched to see Peter Wyngarde (Jason King lives!!!) doing an nice Peter O’Toole.  It’s too bad that it feels like Davison is finally coming in to his own, just as he’s on his way out.  Of course, it helps to not have Tegan.  Man, it helps.

Outcasts:  “You know nothing of my morality, you insect.”  A lot of potential, never really achieved.  Most of the characters are too overwrought to be as interesting as they should be.  The struggles are a bit too obvious.  And the mystery a bit too reminiscent of Earth 2 and Solaris.  It kept feeling like it could have gotten really interesting, but never steps up to the plate.  Chalk this one up on the ‘almost’ list.

The Garment Jungle:  Lee J. Cobb heads an excellent cast in this tale of horror and corruption in the garment business of New York.  Murder, mayhem, and betrayal.  Unions VS. business, hired guns and idealists.  Can Robert Loggia and his fiery Latin wife win against Richard Boone’s smooth thug Wesley Addy?  Can Kerwin Mathews set everything on the right path?  A story about right and wrong, justice and oppression, and a father and son.

The Law:  I guess I’m still to American-centric when it comes to comedy, ‘cause generally I either don’t get this, or don’t find it funny when I do.  The shabby Italian village is all kinds of old world charming, and the ladies are lovely.  But I still don’t think much of the way European men treat women in film.  Otherwise, the sequence of coastal fishing is a highlight.  I found that genuinely fascinating.

Legend of the Fist:  Man, if we could have just found twenty or thirty really good martial artists, we could’a taken down the Keizer in no time.  With attempted touches of Casablanca (more than just the club’s name) and other call backs to older films, it plays a bit (!) fast and loose with history, but this is by Andrew Lau (Hong Kong’s answer to Michael Bay), so no shocks there.  Lau regular Shu Qi shows up to play a femme fatale.  I love the British Stanley Tucci looking dude, even if he can’t act a bit.  Subtlety is not one of Lau’s strong points, so if you’re looking for it, go elsewhere.  The film is all kinds of chest pounding and flag waving.  Though I’ll admit that the strong nationalism is a little hard to swallow when you think of where China would soon go.  Not that Japan wasn’t guilty of extreme horror.  It was.  Or that China’s allies didn’t turn their backs on her in her hour of need.  They did.  But the Chinese system that rose out of this time was a bloody nightmare, too.

Jailhouse Rock:  “That ain’t tactics, honey.  It’s just the beast in me.”  Don’t mess with Elvis or he’ll punch you dead.  He’s kind of a rebel without a clue here.  His run-in with some hip rich people is fantastic.  What a halfcocked dimwit.  It’s hard to root for him, ‘cause he’s kind of a tool.  But the music is nice, the girl is cute, and hey, it’s rock & roll, man.

    I’m making a specific and concerted effort to finally watch The Prisoner from start to finish.  Such a fine show, that I’ve somehow managed to never see in its entirety.  Oddly ended up seeing Peter Wyngarde twice in as many days, thanks to watching the episode ‘Checkmate’ and the Doctor Who story Planet of Fire.  Awesome.

    I read Christopher Hitchens’ book Mortality, about his cancer diagnosis and eventual death.  It’s a rough read, but full of Hitchens’ usual strength.

-Matt

Matt’s Week in Dork! (8/12/12-8/18/12)

    Busy week, but not much in the way of Dork.  I did finish off some TV seasons, though.

The Red House:  If Edward G. Robinson tells me not to do something, I bloody well don’t do it.  That’s science.  Who cares if anyone calls you yellow.  Stay out of the danged evil forest (Ox Head Wood).  Stay away from the Red House.  I kept feeling like those inbred freaks, the Peacocks, form that X-Files episode were going to show up with Momma on her little roller thingy.  I’d also be nervous whenever a giant, strapping young letch lurked around my farm (I’m looking at you, finger pointing Rory Calhoun).  And if you’re a straight shooting, swell young chap, don’t date a fickle, sex-charged harlot (or anyone named Tibby).  This movie is extremely moody, and the first half builds a ton of tension.  The reveal isn’t quite as interesting as I’d have liked, but it’s still good.  And it’s not the Scooby-Doo, rum-runner/communist plot I was expecting.

The Return of the King (Extended):  The final entry in the epic Lord of the Rings trilogy is as grand and dramatic as you could ask for.  Beautiful effects and an excellent cast combine with a script that cuts out much of the books’ excess, creating a work I actually consider superior to its source.  Tolkien’s world is imagined with nearly unprecedented grandeur and detail.  Some complain that the movie goes on too long, but I like all the various wrap-ups of tales.  My only real issue is a hold over from the book.  I think the ghost army that helps in the penultimate battle is kind of a cop-out, deus ex machina sort of thing.

The Girl from Rio:  “What kind of a space age sorceress are you?”  About half way into this, I found myself saying something I say all too often while watching Jess Franco movies; “What the F&*% is going on?!”  Lots of moderately attractive, extremely European looking women wear lots of skimpy outfits (and occasionally less).  Lots of bad editing.  People look like they’ve got spray-on tans.  There’s a lot of awkward focus adjusting.  It’s all classic Franco.  His films are frustrating because they seem to have a lot of the right elements for making something entertaining…but then he shows up and mishandles everything.

The Occultist:  On an exotic island…which looks suspiciously like an abandoned warehouse in New York, a bunch of bad actors and extras from Breakin’ 2 (yes, Electric Boogaloo), spend a lot of time dancing.  In the meantime, some of those sweater wearing jerks from Brat Pack movies like to watch.  Oh, yeah.  And a guy who looks a lot like Dave Coulier is a cyborg or something.  News flash.  This flick sucks.  It’s mildly entertaining, and almost certainly better with friends.

The Bourne Legacy:  I’ve enjoyed the heck out of all the Bourne films so far, and though perhaps not as good as some of the earlier entries, this one does the job.  With a new super-agent gone funny, and lots of governmental conspiracy, there’s not really anything new, but it’s fun to watch play out, none the less.  There are two strikes against the film for this viewer.  First, Rachel Weisz, who is one of my very favorite actresses, and who usually plays interesting characters, is little more than the pretty girl our hero spends his time defending.  Ugh.  She’s less vacuous than the damsel in distress tends to be, but it’s still kind of beneath the actress, and in this day and age, beneath the writers.  The second problem is the climactic chase scene.  It goes on for WAAAAY too long, and is almost as choppy and motion-sickness inducing as the Hunger Games.  Pull that danged camera back, and put it on a tripod, for the love of all that is good and holy.  When will this obsession with ultra-close, hand-held camera work end?  Not flippin’ soon enough.  Still, the cast is good, most of the action is good, and the first two thirds of the film is very enjoyable to watch.  The end is somewhat unsatisfying (in part because of that final chase), but it‘s worth checking out.

The Expendables:  Lots of blood, sweat, muscles, and mayhem explode on the screen as action heroes old and new come together in the tropics to get some killing done.  A lot of the mad violence promised by 80s trailers, but never delivered, is here and flying at the screen in bloody chunks.  While not nearly as violent as Rambo, it’s still part of the new trend of making R rated action films that actually deserve it (not the hardly worthy of PG-13 stuff they were passing off as R rated in the 90s).  You want complex characters and a meditation on the human condition?  What are you doing watching movies like this?  Check it out if you want to see stuff (and people) blowing up, and big dudes bashing each other.

Eastern Promises:  “I am just driver.”  Viggo is the strong silent type.  And typically Vincent Cassel is the sniveling punk.  Together they set London’s underground on fire, Russian mob style.  Part of David Cronenberg’s late, drama period, this movie still features his signature graphic ultra-violence.  Using his harsh, stretched leather features to their full advantage, Viggo creates a rugged beast of crime that no amount of naked, bathhouse slaughter can keep down.  Though I don’t love this film like I do A History of Violence, it is pretty badass.

La Ronde:  I guess you don’t call ’em French maid costumes when the movie is French; just maid costumes.  This semi-whimsical sexual romp through pre-War (WWI) society is well filmed, I guess.  And the cast good looking (unlike a lot of French film, the guys don’t look like trolls).  But I couldn’t get into it.  I’m actually not sure why I queued it up in the first place.  It’s all very French (in other words, a bit pervy and kind of boring, with more sexual repression, dysfunction, and frustration than a Televangelist at a truck stop).  There’s something oddly charming about bits of the film, though, especially the very end.  Still, not my thing.

The Expendables 2:  Jumping right to the top of my 2012 movie list, this movie has so much testosterone pumping through it, I think most of the audience went away pregnant (and not just the female half).  Kind of like Crank 2 was to Crank, this was to the first Expendables.  To say the least, they turned it to 11.  Old action stars keep popping their head in, as bullets keep popping bad guys.  Blood and explosions spray everything and the one-liners and self-referential jokes never let up.  I was giddy for an uncomfortable amount of time while watching (and after).  Fan-freakin’-tastic.  Now, where’s my meal of baby seals and whale ass…in the summer?  Now when is Expendables 3 coming?!

The Bionic Woman Season 1:  This spin-off of The Six Million Dollar Man is perfectly enjoyable, but to a degree, just more of the same.  The episodes are well done, and it’s got tons of those folk you see in every TV show made during this time.  Awesomely 70s.  Not as campy as Charlie’s Angels but still plenty of fun.

Magnum P.I. Season 1:  The man has a mustache you can not argue with.  A dashing rogue, a difficult friend, a white knight looking for a cause.  Magnum is all of those things and more in this awesome bit of 70s crazy.  One of those awesome shows that lives up to my memory of watching it so long ago.

Blue Hawaii:  “On you, wet is my favorite color.”  Keeping with my recent spate of Hawaii set entertainment, I popped in this classic Elvis movie.  Hawaii in the 60s and 70s held this kind of sway over pop culture.  An exotic and mysterious land that was somehow still part of the United States.  A tropical paradise filled with beautiful women, excitement, and wonder.  Elvis just wants to surf, not be a wealthy scion of mainland imperialist agriculture.  You can certainly see Elvis’ charm, and while he might not be an amazing actor, he’s got good comic timing.

Stage Door Canteen:  “Are you Ray Bolger?”  I’m not sure who the audience for this film was.  It’s about departing troops, heading to Europe to fight Hitler & Co (or the Pacific to battle Tojo, maybe).  Was this meant to reassure those left behind that their boys weren’t up to too much sin and mischief while they were out of town?   It features a bunch of celebrity cameos and performances, which I hate to admit didn’t excite me as much as they might have.  I’m fairly familiar with the entertainment crowd of that era, but not enough, I guess.  A lot of familiar faces, but a lot of folks I didn’t know at all.  It all felt very ‘of its time,’ and ultra-sanitized.  But it’s still somewhat charming.  “Buy War Bonds!!!”

Let’s go Collegiate:  Keye Luke as a frat boy.  That’s just not something I ever thought I’d see.  This OK bit of fluff from 1941 is enjoyable, but no classic.  Frankie Darro is typically up to no good, frequently abusing his…servant? played by the cringe inducing Mantan Moreland.  All kinds of college wackiness is on display.

    I made Ben watch the first episode of Game of Thrones.  He seemed to enjoy it quite a bit.  I’m looking forward to finishing the series in the next week or so.  Can’t wait for season 2.  I’m curious where it all goes.

    And I started up season 2 of Batman: The Animated Series.  Darned fine show.  I wish there were more like it.  And I popped in the first episode of Coupling, the surprisingly charming British sit-com.  I forgot that it had a laugh track/live audience, though.  Man, I hate those.  But it’s not too overpowering.

    In preparation for the next meeting of the graphic novel book club, I re-read Habibi.  It’s an interesting book.  The story does not go in the directions you would expect, or even want.  It’s rough, but kind of beautiful.  The art is really something special.

-Matt