A Fistful of Road Rage! (Brad's Picks)

The Fast and The Furious franchise has to be one of the few cinematic endeavors in which each subsequent film gets better and better.  Sure, dumber and dumber too but dang!  Justin Lin knows how to string together some serious vehicular slaughter.  And when he added The Rock into that volatile mix of blood, bullets, & octane he hit upon something epically macho and utterly bro.  This series is a goof.  And I didn't start to pay attention until Mr. Johnson hopped on board, but as I've spent most of this past week prepping for Friday's Furious 6 release, I've found quite a bit of fun in the over-the-top absurdity of the Lin trilogy...soon to be quadrilogy!  To celebrate this mondo gonzo action saga, here are my top five favorite moments of Road Rage!

5.  Bonus Points (Death Race 2000):  Set in the far flung future of 2000 AD, the American government and the world's religions have crashed into each other forming The Bipartisan Party.  To keep the masses in line and glued to their television sets, The Party hosts an annual Transcontinental Road Race in which celebrity combatants like David Caradine's Frankenstein and Sylvester Stallone's Machine Gun Joe crash & smash their way to a gory finish line.  As much fun as it is to watch these gladiators go up against each other, the real hateful blood lust commentary comes from the Bonus Round.  Along the way if they hit innocent bystanders each driver is given a few extra points towards their victory.  Special Bonuses are awarded to dead children & the elderly.  Yes, before Grand Theft Auto there was Death Race 2000.  A real sick puppy, but funny as heck if you're blessed with a dark heart.

4. Open Season on the L.A. Freeway (L.A. Story):  Steve Martin's struggles in the land of weird are painful in their comedic attack, but no scene is as uncomfortable or as a accurate than the First Day of Spring in Los Angeles.  Martin's wacky weatherman with delusions of grandeur finds himself trapped on the LA Freeway, and his petty arguments must take a break for gunplay.  Thankfully he's got his revolver in the glove box and he can fend for himself as those around him discharge their hate upon his car.  Damn funny, but real sick humor.

3.  Popeye Doyle's Train Chase (The French Connection):  You can't talk about car chases without talking about the granddaddy of them all.  Gene Hackman's narcotics cop attempts to pursue a suspect after he's boarded the New York Subway.  The Detective nearly kills half a dozen people as he rams his Pontiac through garbage dumps and takes to sidewalks.  The brilliance is not the chase itself, but how it represents Doyle's reckless anger; all he has in life is the pursuit and it really doesn't matter what good or bad comes from it.

2.  Stuntman Mike's Collision Course (Death Proof):  As the second half of the ambitious Grindhouse, Death Proof is easily my least favorite entry in Quentin Tarantino's directorial canon (yes, that includes Four Rooms & that episode of CSI he helmed), but the one thing its got going for itself is that horrendous crackup at the center of the film.  While terrorizing Rose McGowan in the passenger seat, Kurt Russel's Stuntman Mike drives his tricked out death machine right into oncoming traffic.  His victim, the self centered Jungle Julia & her drunk cronies.  Tires go through faces, legs are ripped from windows, glass cuts through throats.  It is withoutadoubt the most graphic car crash ever put on screen. And it's essential viewing for driver's ed classes everywhere. Grisly, nasty stuff.

1.  Mad Max's Decoy (The Road Warrior):  You could easily snatch 6 or 7 great moments of road rage from this film or the original Mad Max, but the king daddy of tarmac warfare has to go to Lord Humungus' climactic tanker assault.  It is a breakneck chase, with Max behind the wheel attempting to swerve villains off the road and jamming his shotgun in their faces when they get to close to the bucket.  Director George Miller is a madman himself, putting his camera right up on the whiplashing action and at any moment the viewer feels like they too could plummet to their own road rashing death.

--Brad

Two Fistfuls of Oscars! (Brad's Picks)

Tomorrow's the big night, and I find myself really excited for the main event.  Why is that?  It probably has to do with the fact that this is the first year I've seen the most nominated films (just missing a few technical awards, one documentary feature, and most of the shorts).  And as stated in my Predictions & Desires, the 2013 Best Picture race is one of the strongest - these are some solid flicks, only a couple I really have no mind for (Les Miserables & Life of Pi) and even those flicks are not the bottom of the barrel.  I've seen worst films take home the bald gold guy -- see my Top Five least favorite Best Picture winners just below, but just when I start crying in my beer I find some hope in my Top Five favorite Best Picture winners cuz even an awards ceremony as incestuous and pretentious as The Academy Awards gets in right every once in while.

5.  The Greatest Show On Earth:  This is not a terrible film.  It's just long winded, lifeless, and empty.  This represents that era in filmmaking when if you made it long enough and packed enough stars into the frame than you had a hit on your hands.  Great gobby melodrama centering around Charlton Heston's circus manager, his trapeze artist girlfriend, and escaped convict Jimmy Stewart as Buttons the Clown - in what has to be one of his most annoying performances.  Cecil B DeMille pads the movie with endless tent raising sequences that are pornographic in their circus people enthusiasm.  Only die hard fans of Heston or Stewart need apply.

4.  Rain Man:  Another not terrible movie, but Rain Man paved the way for sentimental tripe like Driving Miss Daisy and Forrest Gump.  Tom Cruise definitely excels at playing the douche bag brother of autistic method man Dustin Hoffman, but his smiley jerkhole transformation into the kind hearted lover of Valeria Golino is eye-rollingly saccharine.  A supposed message movie?  Yeah, don't think so.

3.  Titanic:  Now here is a movie I hate.  In 1996 James Cameron was the king of genre fanboys.  The man was responsible for the brutal time travel violence of The Terminator, two of the greatest science fiction sequels (Aliens & T2), Arnold Schwarzenegger's last badass film (True Lies), and the Michael Crichtonesque CGI wizardry of The Abyss.  And I was one of his blind followers.  But by the end of 1997 the Emperor was revealed to have no clothes.  And I was lost.  Titanic might have captured the passions of teenage girls everywhere, and confused a couple of critics, but hindsight has certainly been unkind to this epic pile of Teen Beat blather.  Two appalling poor boy stereotypes con their way onto the doomed cruiser and before they meet their watery demise, the pretty kid falls madly in love with the painfully cliche snooty girl.  It's all just biding time until Cameron's magicians unleash holy hell upon the damned and the audience is granted nearly an hour of beautiful devastation...and Billy Zane stumbling about firing his limp pistol.  But somehow James Cameron would fool us all again with Avatar, but at least that Fern Gully abortion never took home Oscar.

2.  Chicago:  I don't really have much to say on this one.  I just don't get it.  Sure, musicals have never been my thing (unless we're talking The Blues Brothers), but even in 2002 when cinema seemed to be at its most bleak, there were far superior films compared to this shallow glitz.  About Schmidt.  The Quiet American.  Adaptation.  Swimfan....uh...  The only reason I can think that this took home Best Picture is because Academy voters were saddened by the previous year's failing to award Moulin Rouge - another film I don't quite get, but recognize as a far greater achievement in originality than this bland broadway adaptation.  And Richard Gere?  You must never sing again.  You too Catherine Zeta Jones.  And let's just gag Renee Zellweger while we're at it.

1.  Crash:  When I think Oscar bait, I think Crash.  A film manipulated with both literal and metaphorical crashes of humanity.  Whites.  Blacks.  Latinos.  Rich.  Poor.  All racist.  And when forced to interact with each other they must face the best and worst of themselves.  Just gross writing.  In a year that also saw nominations for Capote, Goodnight & Good Luck, Munich, and Brokeback Mountain the win for Crash was a slap in the face of good taste.  A heinous, condescending picture populated with struggling stars of yesteryear.  This win in 2005 pretty much cemented my contempt for award shows, and I stayed away from the Oscars till 2011 - the year Matt & I started this blog.

So yeah, that's the suck of Oscar.  But when you look at the previous 84 films labeled Best Picture, the majority of them are damn fine movies.  Sure, maybe not the best films of their chosen years, but most of them are not Crash.  Most of them are Out of Africa, perfectly crafted dramas worthy of attention and some of them are Lawrence of Arabia, genuine masterpieces.  Warning:  Lawrence of Arabia does not appear in my Top Five Best Picture winners, it's genius, but it's also not my personal favorite David Lean film.

5.  The Godfather:  What can I possibly add to the Godfather lovefest?  It's a brilliant picture.  Obviously.  And it's melodrama, like Titanic.  Only expertly written and brimming with traumatic surprises inflicted upon it's characters.  Some pick the sequel over the original, but for my money, the first film is just a cleaner, crisper fall from grace.  Al Pacino was never better and would never be better than he was as Michael Corleone, the youngest son desperately trying to stay free from the family business and eventually succumbing to a world of violence.

4.  The French Connection:  Gene Hackman is a bastard.  His pitbull detective nearly destroys everything and everyone around him as he chases the trail of a narcotic ring, his victory seeming meaningless next to the hunt.  It's an extremely pessimistic tale, but quintessential of 70s filmmaking and it represents an attitude sorely missed in contemporary Hollywood.  Although, fingers crossed, mean movies will retake their hold on American audiences.

3.  The Bridge on the River Kwai:  Like the age old battle between Beatles & Stones fans, you're either a Lawrence of Arabia guy or a River Kwai man.  Obviously, I appreciate the necessary destruction of pride and the jungle horrors of Japanese death camps.  William Holden is the definition of dogged determination as the escaped GI willing & ready to lead a commando deathsquad back into the horrors of Thailand.  But it's Alec Guinness' stubborn S.O.B. officer that steals the show, and I'm always struck by his righteous realization in the last few moments.  This is pain.  This is regret.  This is madness.

2.  Casablanca:  I saw Casablanca late in life.  About six years ago.  Due to its "classic" status I had always avoided the film as not possibly living up to its reputation.  I was wrong.  Casablanca is a classic for a reason.  It's a love story.  But not really.  It's a love-long-gone story.  And as such it's all about loss.  Humphrey Bogart manages to ooze anger and anguish while still looking badass in a white suit.  Claude Raines is the ultimate lackey.  And when I think Nazi I now see Conrad Veidt instead of the palm scarred Toht.   It might have spawned a dozen catchphrases, but Casablanca earns every soundbite sting.

1.  Unforgiven:  I'm not sure if Unforgiven was the first Western I ever saw, but it most certainly was the first Western I remember seeing.  I was 13 at the time.  The perfect age.  Not only does it cast off John Wayne types, but it goes for the throat on characters that Eastwood himself had portrayed - Josey Wales, The Man With No Name - these are murders, not heroes.  Unforgiven reminds us of this fact; it's a film disgusted with violence and violent characters.  It tricks you into sympathizing with a killer and pulls the rug out from you in its final saloon shootout.  Just as Reservoir Dogs sent this budding film fan into VHS stores to collect Hong Kong actioners, Unforgiven sent me diving into Howard Hawkes and Sergio Leone.  For that alone, it will remain a personal treasure.

--Brad

A Fistful of True Stories! (Brad's Picks)

Dillinger by Gary Roberts

One of my cinematic pet peeves is the reverence we as movie goers give to films "Based on Actual Events."  Take for example, this weekend's release of Drew Barrrymore's whale movie Big Miracle.  Isn't it wonderful and heartwarming how the Soviets and Americans put down their differences to help save a couple of ice trapped whales?  Bleck.  Once a "True Story" is filmed it's about as real as Battlefield Earth. The very act of telling turns Truth into Fiction.  My favorite True Stories are the ones that are "Loosely Based..." flicks that take a Law & Order approach, steal a headline and wrap a film around it.

5.  Ed Wood:  If you've read a single word of this blog than you are well aware that Matt & I are fans of all kinds of Trash Cinema.  Roger Corman might be our favorite purveyor of junkfood, but Ed Wood is the King of Where-There's-A-Will There's-A-Film moviemaking.  And just before director Tim Burton plunged into the unholy hells of the Planet of the Apes remake, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Alice in Wonderland he made his masterpiece with Ed Wood.  Johnny Depp has never been better as the ignorantly optimistic director and his saga to put Plan 9 From Outer Space on the big screen is one of the most heartwarming stories I've ever experienced.  He gives all us wannabes hope--PULL THE STRINGS!

4.  Dillinger:  Man, how do you pick just one Real Life Gangster picture?  Ask me one day and I'll go with Goodfellas.  Ask me another I'll pick The St. Valentine's Day Massacre.  But right now, my favorite Real Life Gangster flick has to be John Milius' Dillinger.  The film is filled with heaps of manly-ready-to-burst violence and its all personified in Warren Oates' beautifully ugly mug.  The film definitely doesn't have the budget it deserves (look to the future in Michael Mann's Public Enemies theatrics), but Oates feels like a real thug.  A charmer buried within a brute.

3.  Tom Horn:  One of Steve McQueen's last films is also his absolute best.  Based on the probably B.S. autobiography of Tom Horn, McQueen plays a former army scout hired by ranchers to hunt down and execute cattle rustlers.  But he's a little too good at his job and the ranchers eventually turn on the hired killer.  An absolute stunner of a flick and I'm gearing up to watch it again for my Cineawesome series of Western reviews.  If all you know of McQueen is The Great Escape and Bullitt than you should do yourself a favor and check out Tom Horn.  If for no other reason it's got a great exploding head gore effect.

2.  The French Connection:  Yep, The French Connection is loosely based on a series of articles and a book by Robin Moore.  Gene Hackman and Roy Schieder are a couple of brutal cops hellbent on busting up an actual drug trafficking scheme, and this little Law & Ordering provides for not only the first Epic Car Chase, but Gene Hackman's finest hour of scream acting.  For my money, all cop stories must be judged against this film.

1.  Fargo:  The film opens with a title card: THIS IS A TRUE STORY.  And it's the funniest damn thing about Fargo.  The Coen Brothers pull the wool over our eyes, "If an audience believes that something's based on a real event, it gives you permission to do things they might otherwise not accept."  This was the film that exposed the nonsense of "Based on True Stories" storytelling and I'll always be grateful to the Coens for opening my teenage brain.  And once you get past the Facts, Fargo is a brilliant bit of futile crime fiction.  Oh, that wood chipper.

--Brad